Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
- "We just TOTALLY skipped the whole six degrees thing."
- "Hey guys, I just wanted to say that I'm a huge fan. Bacon is BY FAR my favorite breakfast meat."
- "LOVED you in Friday the 13th."
- "So on the set of Wild Things…what ugh? Did ya…? You know. Come on! Neve Campbell? You had to, right?"
- "What's it like f**king Elisabeth Shue? What? You guys never…really? I thought that was why you did a movie where you're invisible."
- "So do you REALLY play instruments…or are you just the frontman?"
- "What's it like being fifty? Still lead in the pencil?"
- "When are you gonna remake Tremors?"
- "Will you sign my VHS copy of Footloose?" (This one really happened)
- "Oh my God, Michael you're so talented. I just love your songs and they have such a deep meaning in my personal life and I just can't tell you how excited I am to finally meet you. Oh, is this your brother? What's his name? Did your mom make you put him in the band? Does he play tamborine or something?"
- My favorite…and the one I decided to go with: "LOVED you in Animal House. What do you say we squeeze in the middle here for the picture and we make a Bacon Sandwich?"
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen,
I've been looking on the worldwide web for the next gig...and it's both reassuring and saddening all at the same time. There are some great jobs and opportunities for me out there...but it requires going even further away from home...and with the Media's assault on people who partake in luxury goods (which is my career expertise) who knows what will happen to these other offices in say...six months. It could be like Deja Vu all over again. That's the life that we live though. Nobody knows what's going to be one moment from the next. For example, a year ago, I was in Vegas with my brother and sister-in-law celebrating their 1st anniversary...and helping Bubbles look for apartments...and in essence beginning my own journey towards Vegas. Six months ago, my career took a sharp turn from steadily pointed toward Sin City and instead went to the city a mile high in the sky and had a kick ass Going Away Party. Three months ago, I was back in Vegas ringing in 2009 with Bubbles. A month ago, I was in the heart of Mardi Gras spending the late evenings with Southern girls. Now, I'm plotting where I'm going to be a month from now...whether it's back home in Utah, here in Denver writing the next great American smut collection, or elsewhere. A month from now, I'll be turning 28 years old and sexier than ever. Three months from now I could be anywhere doing anything. A year from now, I could be returning home again after spending a few months in Hollywood until the Big One hits, then moving to New Orleans just in time for a Category 5, play basketball for a few months in China before they turn to cannibalism and have a hankering for white meat, and make it back to the United States by working on a pirate ship full of porn stars. I guess my point is...anything's possible...and we just have to be there for each other and enjoy every moment of this wonderful life that we have...because things can change drastically and suddenly.
As promised here's a quick rundown of some of my prospective destinations. Any feedback from locals or people in the know or random comments would be greatly appreciated.
- My apartment, I won't have to move
- Great city that I was just starting to enjoy...and it was in the dead of winter
- No real job opportunities
Synopsis: I'd love to stay here...but there's nothing over $10 an hour...and if I have to move out of my apartment, then I'm moving to somewhere that can afford me. I've become a bit of a pompous, conceited ass having been an incredible employee for about 15 years now...but I think that I deserve it.
Salt Lake City, Utah
- Home Sweet Home - Family and Friends abound
- Great job at fairly decent pay with friends
- Movie Nights / Homecoming Party
- Don't have to register my car in another state?
- There's a lot
- Not progressing in my career, actually kind of taking a step back
- No apartment on the 34th floor? Did I mention how much I love my view?
Synopsis: Looking like the #1 contender right now...but we shall see. The search continues.
Las Vegas, Nevada
- Vegas, baby!!!
- A few friends like Bubbles, Barbie & Keanna
- The Wingmans are two hours away
- No real job opportunities
- Just in time for the summer too
Synopsis: Still love Vegas like a fat kid loves cake...but again, I need to go to a place that can afford me...and I've already heard the horrible stories from first-hand accounts about the layoffs going on down there. Visit Vegas y'all. Hmm, maybe I'll have to do that to let off some steam in the next month or so.
New Orleans, Louisiana
- A few great job opportunities within the company
- Great step for my career
- Southern girls like me and I like Southern girls...and food
- The entire city seems like a ghetto - Great to visit but wouldn't want to live there
- I'm not Aquaman. I like to live above water...in the high country
- Hurricane evacuations...unless I have to stay, which I would with this step in my career
- All my possessions threatened to be washed away (or stolen) several times a year
Synopsis: As much as I love the city of New Orleans, I simply would not want to live there. Sure, Filly's there and I've met a lot of her great friends and it's just a beautiful mystical city...but it's also humid...because it's technically underwater...and I have a fear of drowning...and getting stabbed. Again, great place to visit...but I simply don't think that I could love there...though some of the salaries for the job opportunities there are nothing to sneeze at...especially when I live rather frugally.
- Beaches to the left of me and b**ches to the right
- Great step for my career...but may be a while before office opens
- Probably have apartments on the 34th floor
- Possible second job as low-budget director with plenty of local "talent"
- If sh*t goes down, we have the Terminator as Governor
- Earthquakes, Fire, Tsunamis, Volcanoes, Paris Hilton and other disasters
- A LOT of people...and unemployment around 10%
- I don't speak Spanish (but I can sing like I know it...and that's almost as good)
Synopsis: Is Hollywood ready for Dr Love? Reading about this office that's opening up literally at "THE SPOT" and thinking about all the celebrities and sports stars that would associated with this location, it's very intriguing. Also, the salaries of some of these job are ASTRONOMICAL by Utah standards (then again, the cost of living is also about double...but still). And yes Filly, I would prefer the threat of earthquakes, fires, volcanoes and whatever else over hurricanes. Why? Because I can swim on the beaches...and it's a little closer to home.
Other cities that have some interesting opportunities are Charlotte & Lake Tahoe...but I've never been to those cities or even really researched them quite yet. San Diego didn't have a lot of opportunities either...and they're hella expensive. So that's where I'm at currently. More research to be done obviously...and friends are looking out all over the globe for me...so no need to worry. Again, worst-case, I just end up moving back home to a decent job...or living like a bum for the next three months still getting paid & writing in the shade or something.
Last night, I watched a movie for the first time that I'm pretty sure that everybody has seen besides me...and that movie is...The Rocky Horror Picture Show. For that one person out there who hasn't seen it, this movie is the story of a young recently engaged couple (Barry Bostwick and Susan Sarandon) who get a flat tire and stumble upon a castle where there's a bunch of crazy sh*t going on. There's a Dr Frank N Furter, who's a transsexual transvestite from Transylvania (Tim Curry) and he makes a Creation...and there's frozen Meatloaf in the fridge...and some hunchback vampire like people...and another doctor...and a British narrator...and it's a musical. To be honest, I wasn't incredibly impressed...but then again, I wasn't really stoned or anything...and I'm told that's the way to see it by Enhancement Smokers...who I assume are the people that dress up whenever this movie is played at a local theatre or something. So yeah, it was okay. Now I've seen it.
I followed it up the only way that I knew how...with a movie from a completely different genre. Next was "Sukiyaki Western Django" which is basically a Western...but played with all Japanese actors...in this Old West town...but all the signs are in Japanese...and the director Takashi Miike is famous for horror movies...but wanted to branch out...oh and throw in a special guest star by the name of Quentin Tarantino...and you have this movie. It was pretty good...and definitely unique. Lots of quick cut editing, great fight scenes, imaginative story telling, and though the dialogue with a little off at times (English as a Second Language) it was still quite an impressive movie. I would recommend it. It's a new twist on the standard Western...like a Sushi Western instead of a Spaghetti Western or something.
Anyway, so that's where I'm at. Still looking for job opportunities and hopefully I'll know more by the time I leave for Cali in four days. It should be an interesting April for me...but it's like Forrest Gump said, "Yes sir, they shot me right in the buttocks." Oh wait, that's not the one. Sorry, it's been a few months since I've seen that movie. What was it? "I think I ruined your friend's towel." No, that's not it either. "Lieutenant Dan, you got legs." Oooh, strike three. "We was like peas and carrots again." "To do whatever you tell me, drill sergeant." No wait, I've got it. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." Things can change abruptly and completely...so you just have to be prepared for what may come. I want to thank all of you for being there for me (since most of you reading this have been there for me in one way or another) and I only hope that I can pay you guys back...even if just with a few laughs here and there. Have a great day everybody. "And that's all I've got to say about that."