Wednesday, August 29, 2012

LET'S go RAIders!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
It’s been a busy few weeks… but it’s leading up to the Utah vacation… and of course, Bacon Day before that. By the way, apparently the Academy of Science has read my posts and is trying to steal my thunder mere days before my event… but I called dibs, b**ches! That’s why my event is going to be even grander… just without dinosaur bones & bio-domes. Let’s see what’s been happening…
I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my job… and frankly, I don’t wanna talk about it… but it’s been taking up a long of my day as you might expect. In the evenings, we had a test run on Bacon Day last Tuesday and sampled five of the features… bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers (cheddar filled), bacon wrapped red pepper & garlic sausages, BLT, bacon grilled cheese… and a small version of… DA BOMB!!! Basically it’s Italian sausage mixed with cheddar, chives & various other ingredients, weaved in bacon strips, covered in a BBQ rub & BBQ sauce, slow cooked over a few hours… and then covered in sauce again… BEHOLD!!!

All were delicious and fantastic… and most other nights was catching up on TV and playing the video game that my brother sent me “Assassin’s Creed Revelations” which is the latest in the AC series, this time set in Constantinople (pre-Istanbul) around 1510 AD or so. I REALLY enjoy the series… and anxiously await AC3 coming this Halloween set in the American Colonies circa 1775. Anyway, for those who may have not played these games before… the story is modern day people are using a machine that can relive an individual’s ancestral memories in a virtual reality environment. So like if you went back a few generations, you could theoretically live out your great-great-grandpa banging your great-great-grandma… but when they were both teenagers. Obviously that’s not the use they put it to into this game, rather they go back into the memories of a bartender, whose lineage includes assassins back to the time of the Crusades (original game) and they’ve been trying to find answers to the location of some powerful objects that could shape the fate of the world. So that’s the story… as for the gameplay, it’s pretty amazing with how your character can jump and move about the city environments… and the detail of the environments if really good too. It’s kind of one of those things that you’d have to play to understand (or I’m just a sh**ty writer) but I highly recommend it.
Over the weekend, I hung out with Dizzy… and get this, my ladyfriend had one goal this weekend… and that was to watch “Showgirls” with her gentlemanfriend. How many guys out there can say that? Allow me to elaborate before you inquire about my ladyfriend having a penis. You may or may not know this… but Dizzy is a HUGE fan of comedian Adam Carolla (again, she doesn’t have a penis, I’ve checked extensively) that you may remember from “The Man Show”, “Drawn Together”, “Family Guy” or maybe the world’s most successful podcast. Well, he has this thing that he does called “Basic Cable Commentary” where he & a few guest comedians watch movies that they saw on basic cable (others include “The Karate Kid Part 3” & “Road House”) and basically watch them with the microphones on… and have hilarious comments. Basically it’s like watching bad movies with your buddies… if your buddies also happened to be millionaire celebrities with fixations for classic cars. Anyway, one of these commentaries was for the classic horrible movie “Showgirls” starring Elizabeth Berkeley & Kyle McLachlan… and the commentary featured Adam and comedian Dana Gould portrayal of PBS legend Hule Howser (if you don’t know how that is… google him, he’s the host of “California’s Gold”). Ergo, she wanted to watch it with me… and Adam… and Hule. Good times were had… and I had almost forgotten how horrible a movie it really is… especially the last ten minutes. By the way, you may be privy to a similar concept of commentary one day when I watch bad movies with the roommates… or maybe another entry in my live football commentary… you’ve been warned.
Saturday, after a breakfast of donuts, we headed to Oakland Coliseum (aka Coliseum… or as I prefer, the Big O) to see the Oakland football Raiders host the Detroit “Why is you” Lions in a preseason showdown of biblical importance (to atheists). Thanks to StubHub we got some pretty fantastic tickets on the 10th row right behind the Lions bench for about $20 a pop… and with the Lions being Dizzy’s favorite team (you thought I was a glutton for punishment with the Eagles) we had a pretty good time… and the game was even pretty decent. Interesting little tidbits of the game: The only Pro Bowlers on the Raiders for the past decade or so have been their kickers & they’ve been hands down the best in the league. However, punter Shane Lechler is… I don’t know… 54 years old now? And I think that Polish sports icon Sebastian Janikowski’s heavy drinking may finally be catching up with him because he missed a fairly easy kick in the first quarter… almost making him look mortal. Then they brought out this new kid Carmona who just before the half hit a 58 yarder from the dirt of the 2nd base line (still baseball season so the dirt was out) so that reign of supreme kickers may not be coming to a close quite yet… and that’s a good thing because aside from backup quarterback / disgraced Ohio State alum Terrell Pryor having a few big runs in the second half, there wasn’t a whole lot to get excited about… but then again, it’s the preseason… and beer helps with excitement. WOOOO!!!
After the game, we had some pizza at Albany Pizza Company (decent pizza & giant slices and a soda for $5) then watched “Hidalgo” starring Viggo Mortensen. Now, this was one of my dad’s favorite movies… and he watched it a lot when I had first moved out into my first lone wolf apartment a few years back… but I had never sat down & watched it with him. It was actually pretty good. From director Joe Johnston (specializes in period action pieces like “The Rocketeer”, “Captain America” & “Wolfman”) comes the true story of a man (Mortenson) who joins Buffalo Bill Cody’s wild west show after the destruction of his mother’s Sioux tribe… and is basically in a bad place… but with a good horse named Hidalgo & apparently he can ride with the best of them and has never lost a long-distance race. Well, an Arab noble graces one of these shows… and basically says American horses are sh*t & can never ride with Arabians… which I’m no horse expert, but may very well be true. It might be like the Saudi Arabian national basketball team going against any average American high school team for all I know, but in reverse. Regardless, it’s the setting for an underdog story… so they go to this 3000-mile, two-month long race across the barren asscrack of the world known as the Arabian desert… and you throw in a few plot twists, Bob’s your uncle, and you’ve got yourself a flick. I liked it. Check it out if you want.
Fun fact: We were at the local video store picking out a few selections for the weekend… and I wanted to share the delight of the wonderful comedy “Hamlet 2” that I’ve shared with you repeatedly. Now… I couldn’t find it in the comedy section, which you know, maybe they just didn’t have it because it wasn’t really advertised much & probably grossed enough to cover Elizabeth Shue’s nurse outfit. So Dizzy asked the checkout guy… and it was in… wait for it… The William Shakespeare section. Yes ladies & gentlemen… Hamlet 2… which has an entire act of the movie entitled “Hope is a Demon Bitch” was located right between the original Hamlet & Midsummer Night’s Dream. I thought it was hilarious. Wanna know what else was hilarious?
Something titled “Midgets vs. Mascots” has laughs written all over it just as a concept. Well, this movie is basically what you would expect… starring the likes of the late great Gary Coleman and he’s referred to as “The Shaquille O’Neal of Little People” so that should tell you right there it’s pretty good. Basically it’s a mockumentary about a deceased millionaire named Big Red and during the reading of his will, his money is to be distributed through a competition of his fellow little people… versus his fellow mascots… coached by his bratty douche son & gold digger wife… oh and did I mention that Big Red was a midget mascot? Surprise! Anyway, it goes from there… and yeah, just check it out if you can find it. Ron Jeremy is in it… and he’s never starred in anything that sucked… well, that sucked the bad way. HEDGEHOG!!!
Anyway, that’s pretty much it. Bacon Day is this Saturday… and pictures will be forthcoming… along with the family reunion in Utah immediately after. So yeah… have a great weekend everybody!!! Deuces!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Kung Fu Treachery

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Seen a few movies the past few weeks that I haven't really told you about... so here you go...

First up is "21 Jump Street" starring Jonah Hill & Channing Tatum... or is it Tatum Channing? The ex-gigolo guy from that Step Up movie who now is in everything... you know the guy. Anyway, it's the updated retelling of the classic TV series that formerly starred the likes of Johnny Depp & Richard Greico. This time though... they at least realize the pretty unrealistic plot line of fresh cops from the beat being used to infultrate a drug ring by posing as high school students... and it's a hilarious little comedy with special guest appearances by the likes of Ice Cube as a police chief (wasn't he with NWA once?), Nick Offerman (aka Ron Swanson), Rob Riggle, Chris Parnell and James Franco's little brother... we'll just call him Frankie Franco... he looks exactly like Freak & Geeks Franco. If you're looking for a laugh, I highly recommend it.

However, if you're REALLY looking for a laugh... and can stand a little reading of subtitles (or speak Spanish), then I recommend Will Ferrell's latest on DVD entitled "Casa de mi Padre" which is a take on the wonderful Telemundo dramas that we all watch & enjoy the reactions, acting & tig o' bitties. Will Ferrell is his usual funny self even though everybody's playing it straight with the jokes just kind of coming out of the cheesy production values, plot holes, lines of dialogue, etc. Ron Swanson, er Nick Offerman also comes in for a few scenes & is hilarious as... what I can only assume is himself playing a DEA agent who speaks Spanish with an American accent... but a fine moustache. Anyway, check it out. Oh the story? Oh a Spanish farmer (Ferrell) is pulled into his family's drama when his brother... you know what, just watch it. You should've zoned out on the plot as soon as you read "Spanish farmer (Ferrell)" and disregarded the plot.

Next up is one the new straight to DVD animated reboots from DC Comics... and this one was for "Wonder Woman" starring the voice talents of Keri Russell, Alfred Molina & the incomparable Nathan Fillion. The plot is about the origins of Wonder Woman aka Diana of the Amazons and her whole backstory. Basically the plot involves ancient Greece & the Gods fighting and in a big battle, the God of War Aries (Molina) is about to be killed by Diana's mother (voiced by Virginia Madsen) when Zeus steps in, puts Aries in prison on a outopian paradise island, along with all the Amazons (dear diary... JACKPOT!!!) and they're there for about 2000+ years. Well, after two millenia of sexual frustration, one of the amazons crack & help to free the only penis she's ever seen... even if it's the God of War... and he devises a plan to get his powers back. Oh... and where does Diana come in? She wins a tournament to go out & get Aries back before the end of the world... with the help of a pilot named Steve (Fillion) who crashed on the island to help with getting around NYC. Oh yeah... and it's actually pretty well done. I enjoyed the movie thoroughly... from the Fillion wisecracks to the story & everything. I recommend it since it may be another 20 years or so before you see a live-action Wonder Woman movie... which in my opinion is pretty ridiculous... but again, my opinion. Come on, DC! How many reboots of Superman can you do before you just move on?

The gem of the past few weeks reviews though, is "Expendables 2" starring... well, every action star over the past 30 years I guess. Okay, maybe not quite... but did you see the first one? They're all back... minus Mickey Rourke (who really only had 3 scenes anyway) and there's more from Bruce Willis & Arnie... and then you throw in Liam Hemsworth (Thor's little brother), THE Chuck Norris & Jean Claude Van Damme (spoiler alert: in one scene, he has bat wings under her arms when he's trying to look bad ass... and it's very off-putting). Anyway, you don't really need to know the plot... it's a bunch of guys kicking ass & blowing sh*t up. That's why you watch it. It's not going to win awards. There's explosions, one-liners, grunts, horrible dialogue, plot holes, and all of the other stuff that you expect... but that being said, I can't wait to see it again... and fun fact: If there was a REAL Expendables 2 video game out there with all the different modes of blowing up that were in the movie (helicopter, planes, ground, caves, smart cars, tanks, etc) then I would probably purchase it. However, the one that I noticed on the PS Store is basically the equivalent of Battle Axe with guns. Not too awesome. Anyway, the movie is pretty amazing... especially if you're a fan of the first one. I saw watch it.

Other than that, work was been the usual... but I'm getting more recognition for the hard work I put in, so that's cool. Football is offically returing and I can't wait for the upcoming Lions - Raiders preseason game that Dizzy & I will be attending on Saturday. Saw the Raiders playing the other day & they didn't seem to be in unison... but it's preseason. Hopefully they'll get it together soon. Also excited about college football coming back & of course the full professional slate. Dizzy is already aware that my weekends can often revolve around football... so she may want to work more on those dates unless she's interested in watching... but of course, she's eager to learn the game... and we may do a live blog someday so that you can hear & see & smell & feel all the craziness that goes on in my apartment on a game day when we have people over.

You know... Bacon day will be on opening weekend of college football if I'm not mistaken... so you may get a taste... but then again, we may also be focused on delicious salted meats & general awesomeness... with video games & drunkenness in the evenings. YAY BACONIA!!! Also, getting REALLY excited about the vacation in Utah coming up in 2.5 weeks. Everybody in Utah is excited to meet Dizzy & I'm excited to see everybody there... and there will probably be stops at the Dinosaur Park, Dinosaur Museum, the Family Reunion... and now... apparently the Utah State Fair will be going on mere blocks from my dad's house. So yeah... the cup runeth over with activities for that trip. I'll be sure to keep you posted. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012


Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's been a bit... but hey, we've all been having fun, right? Work has been busy but I've finally been getting a few props... as it should be!!! Aside from that, just business as usual... oh then Dizzy & I went to Lake Shasta for a few hours. You can read the story put much more eloquently from her perspective... I basically sum it up with f**k the police. F**k... f**k... f**k the police. Here are some pictures that I took though with my phone of Lake Shasta & Shasta Caverns (camera died spontaneously)...

Oh... and I got some sweet clothes at The Clothing Broker... which is basically like a Men's Wearhouse or Jos. Bank... but with flare & about a quarter the prices. You'll get to see more of the clothes at a roommate's birthday party coming soon... but until then...

You know you love 'em... Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Barbeque, Bacon & Badassery

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yeah, I’ve got some catching up to do… but two weekends ago, Dizzy & I started out by meeting up with some of her coworker friends Friday night and we went to CafĂ© Prague for some drinks. Good time was had by all… and we really didn’t blow the bank or anything. I really like that place for that reason. Saturday, we went to the Redwood City Blues & BBQ Festival like I did last year (if you remember) but this was also a lot of fun… and we ate like KINGS! Basically for about $20 a person we ate a few pounds of fine barbequed goodness… enjoyed a few beers & other beverages… and enjoyed some great music. I highly recommend it.

That Sunday, we further indulged our gluttony by meeting up with some of my coworkers at a beautiful bayside park in San Mateo for yet another barbeque… and this one was, dare I say, even better. Short ribs, sushi bake, watermelon, rice, noodles, beverages, and most importantly… great peeps. What a great way to spend a weekend enjoying the sunshine, some great food & great people. What more can you really ask for?
The workweek was busy of course… but there was some good that came out of it. I will be make TWO trips to Utah later this year… with the first one being just a few weeks away in time for the Family Reunion in Delta. Now, yes, the hotel will be pretty busy during the dates that I’m gone… but I’m also going to be in my office 10-12 hours a day basically until Thanksgiving & everybody else was getting their vacation regardless, so they approved this vacation as it was the least impactful time… and it worked out for me perfectly. Also, thanks to a 50% off sale the DAY I was confirmed, Dizzy will be going with me. Yup, the ladyfriend is going to meet the family. I’m pretty sure that should scare her off once & for all. Also, it’s a good excuse to go to the Eccles Dinosaur Park in Ogden… and apparently there’s a new dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point too. Throw in a drunken redneck family reunion in the middle, boom, you’ve got my vacation in about five weeks.
Let me know if you want to meet up while I’m in Utah, but I’m arranging for a little get-together Monday, September 10th. Oh… and the other trip will be ten days off during Christmas, but back in San Francisco in time for New Year’s Eve. Let’s just hope that I’m not sick like I was last year. Maybe I’ll even get to see the Kraft Hunger Bowl. Third time’s the charm, right?
This past weekend, Dizzy & I hung out for the most part… watching the Olympics & whatnot. She also made bacon cinnamon rolls… because we stumbled upon something online about them. They’re pretty damn good, since you asked. I highly recommend those as well.
Speaking of Bacon… September 1st is International Bacon Day… and the roommates & I are hosting a fantastic get-together where we will basically be eating as much bacon in as many variations as possible with all of our friends & neighbors. Some of the items on the menu…
  • 50/50 Sliders (half beef, half bacon)
  • Millionaire’s Bacon
  • Bacon grilled cheese
  • Bacon wrapped brats
  • Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers
  • Bacon Cinnamon Rolls
  • Chocolate dipped bacon
  • Build your own Bacon
  • Bacon Maple Ale
  • Bacon Donuts (by the way, we have a deep fryer now)
It should be pretty fantastic… and I’ll leave you today with the official flag of Bacon Day… and the future land of Baconia… and just another reason why I think I have the best roommates ever. Have a great day everybody!!!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

California State Fair 2012

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Well, I’m not exactly picking up the pace… before I get started… here are the pictures from the California State Fair that I promised you last time…

Okay, now that that’s out of the way… thejse past two weeks have been  REALLY busy at work. Basically I was the only one in the department for most of the time (various reasons) but hey, I’m a G… so it went along without a scathe. Other than that, the Olympics started… but I’ll wait to talk about those until near the end probably… because it’s going on for a few weeks. My bold prediction: I’m pretty sure that the USA is going to get the gold medal in Basketball. I’ve been checking out this team and… I have a feeling they could run the table.
Earlier this week, I watched “Act of Valor” starring Rosalyn Sanchez (“Rush Hour 2”) and real Navy Seals. Basically it’s what you expect from the previews, seal teams going in & taking care of business… but yeah, the action scenes were pretty gritty & intense… and though the dialogue & patriotic themes might have been up there towards the top, possibly even over it… if you’re an action fan, I recommend it. Beautifully shot (though there’s plenty of gore) and not horrible which, I’ll admit, whenever a movie says something like “starring REAL Navy Seals” in the preview & is a lot of quick motion shots, I’m worried that a 90 minute movie is going to be horrible to watch. Not so. Anyway, that’s about all I’ve got on this one. AMERICA!!!

I also watched “Safe House” starring Denzel Washington & Ryan Reynolds. The story is about a rogue American CIA specialist (Washington) who turns himself into the U.S. Embassy in South Africa while being chased by a group of highly trained killers. This is obviously a big find for the intelligence community, so they transfer him to a nearby safe house (title) for safe keeping… but they’re ambushed while interrogating him & a noob (Reynolds) is now in charge of not only transporting a renowned mastermind, but also keep him alive from the people trying to kill him… and maybe keep himself alive… oh and make sure his hot French national girlfriend doesn’t find out what he does for a living (for some reason). The movie is fairly predictable with twists & turns that you kind of expect from the beginning… and yes, you may get the sensation that you’ve seen this movie before… but hey, it’s not horrible. If you like that kind of movie, check it out. If not, there are plenty of other movies to check out Ryan Reynolds or Denzel in.
So yeah, that might just do it for this entry… more coming soon (hopefully) so keep having fun out there without me & I’ll keep posting you on my goings-on. One MAJOR going-on... is that I'm returning to Utah for a weekend in September for my family reunion... and hopefully to see a bunch of my friends. Sushi may be involved for that... and after drinks. I'll keep you posted. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Where Should I Go Next?