Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween Everybody!!!

Happy Halloween Ladies & Gentlemen,

I trust that by the time you're reading this, you've already had a wonderful Halloween weekend with all your friends and dressing up like your favorite comic book character or your hottest voluptuous outfit (thank you by the way). Regardless, I hope that you all had a wonderful time celebrating Satan or whatever it is that Halloween's about besides dressing up as something funny or sexy and getting drunk of alcohol or chocolate depending on your age. I like Halloween…but I don't really have any plans this year. I know, sad, right? Well, I'm here in Denver and need to get my house in order. I don't really know too many people here…and wouldn't want to intrude on their plans anyway. I could go back home to Salt Lake…but that's as much as a roundtrip ticket to Vegas or something…and I'd be spending most of the time in the car driving anyway. It's okay. I don't really have a good costume anyway. Maybe I'll just stick around the new apartment (after patrolling 16th Street just for kicks) and watch a scary (or sexy) movie.

Earlier today I toured one of our nearby competitors' offices…and casually flirted with one of the ladies showing me around…and she was laughing a lot, very giggly. Now, that's usually a good sign, right? I mean…I was rockin' a majestic blue suit, standing chest-to-face level with her, and my clean-shaven face with wild hippie mane had me looking like something out of a Danielle Steele novel…like the professional businessman with the fiery heart of a mountain man. She was a cutie obviously too…but we didn't even exchange numbers or anything like that. I hope my business cards come in soon…so I can subtly pass my number along in a professional manner. Anyway, over the weekend, I need to do a whole lot of laundry, get a haircut, and maybe hit up a coffee shop for some phone numbers or something. I've gotta use my time wisely. Anyway, here's some news…

Gary Oldman Update - The great American actor Gary Oldman is joining fellow great American actor Denzel Washington in the latest Hughes Brothers movie "The Book of Eli" set as a postapocolyptic action drama Western. Oldman will be playing the despot of a small town seeking a powerful book guarded by a lone warrior (Denzel) that holds the secrets to saving humankind ("Chicken Soup for the Soul"?). I'm hoping for something along the lines of Mad Max…but when it's Gary Oldman & Denzel Washington, I'll settle for less. I'll keep ya posted as I find out more about the story…and there has to be some eye candy in there somewhere.

Bad Mofo Update - Okay, so you're making a movie…and you need a Bad Mofo. Who are you going to call? When you're looking up your casting database…under "Bad Mofo", who's the first name that comes up? Every time? Denzel? Nope, try again. Jason Statham? Not with that accent. Of course, it's the one and only Samuel L. Jackson. So when the studios plan to do a remake of the 1985 Berry Gordy classic "The Last Dragon" and they're looking for a Bad Mofo to play the legendary Sho'nuff a.k.a. the Shogun of Harlem. Who do you think they signed? The plot focuses on a Bruce Lee-obsessed martial-arts student who masters the power of "the glow" and faces off with the neighborhood heavy. If you haven't seen the original, you may wanna check it out. It's pretty much what it sounds like…but it'll get you excited to see Samuel L. shout out "WHO'S THE BADDEST MOFO LOWDOWN IN THIS TOWN?" "SHO'NUFF!!!"

Hover Boards Not Far Away - Speaking of 1985 movies that I like for some reason (like "Back to the Future"), hover boards can't be too far off with the unveiling of a hover chair at Britiain's biggest gadget show in London this past weekend. The Lounger is a chair the uses powerful magnets to float in the air and inventor Keith Dixon was inspired by the Landspeeders from the Star Wars movies. "The sensation you feel as you lie back and close your eyes is totally different -- like floating on a cloud," said a Stuff Live spokesman but the 6,000-pound ($9,831) price tag may bring visitors back down to earth with a bump. For those after something less sedate, U.S. company Vectrix has a prototype of a high performance motorbike powered by an electric motor. The sporty aluminum bike has a top speed of 125 mph, a range of 44 miles (so…twenty minutes?) and costs nearly 40,000 pounds or about $65,000. That's cheap compared to another star attraction: a pair of limited edition curvy metal loudspeakers worth 70,000 pounds ($120,000). The Muon speakers, made by company KEF, are well over six feet tall and have a thick shell of aluminum to minimize vibrations from the four-way speaker system. KEF describes them as "a truly contemporary art form appropriate for 21st century living." Computer maker Asus will show off a laptop covered in laminated strips of fast-growing bamboo rather than plastic in an attempt to make it more environmentally sustainable. Anyway, hover boards…coming soon. If they can do a Landspeeder, they can do a hover board…and maybe a flux capacitor eventually.

Well, today will be my first holiday home, yet away from home here in Denver. Over the past decade due to my schedule, I've missed a lot of fun on holidays and weekends because of my job and school and whatever…but this will be the first time when it's just because I don't know anybody in the area (and thanks to short notice on my new employer's part, no good travel arrangements could be made). Oh well, I'll still find a way to have a good time, I'm sure of it. My goal is to have my apartment in order by Monday…so I can turn my focus onto being somewhat social instead of job activities or apartment related craziness. Have a great weekend everybody!!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Alisa, it's finally here!!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

It's Basketball Season

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, with the Philadelphia Phillies getting their first World Series championship since I was an itch in my daddy's pants, it's officially basketball season now…and to a lesser extent, hockey a.k.a. ice soccer. I watched me a little basketball last night while unpacking and arranging my entertainment center. The Spurs lost their first home opener this millennium. The Lakers destroyed the Clippers, though it was close in the first quarter. The old hometown Utah Jazz beat the new hometown Denver Nuggets by four points. Oh…and the Seattle Supersonics are now the Oklahoma City Thunder. Found that one out about a week ago…so they didn't take any of my suggestions. Oh well, they still suck and lost to the Milwaukee Bucks. Other than that, it was a pretty standard day at work. I'm really getting the hang of my job now and finding a groove, so now I can start to get to know my coworkers and surroundings a little better. The apartment is starting to get set up now too…which means soon I'll be able to invite people over for entertainment…and Rock Band parties. Still haven't purchased Rock Band 2…but there's new news on that front…

Rock Band: The Beatles - That's right ladies & gentlemen, the Beatles are coming to a game console near you. For the first time, the legendary group's music will be featured in the lucrative video game market in a deal with MTV Games and Harmonix, creators of the "Rock Band" series. The game is scheduled to make its debut sometime next year, according to a statement Thursday. Sir Paul McCartney said, "The project is a fun idea which broadens the appeal of The Beatles and their music. I like people having the opportunity to get to know the music from the inside out." Ringo Starr added: "The Beatles continue to evolve with the passing of time and how wonderful that The Beatles' legacy will find its natural progression into the 21st century through the computerized world we live in. Let the games commence." The video game has become a key and profitable market for musical acts to expose their music to fans; some bands have debuted their music via video games…but yeah, this is quite possibly the most awesome thing to happen in the Rock Band Universe…and there have been plenty. If I had a say, the top three acts to have for a Rock Band console game would be Elvis, Led Zeppelin, then the Beatles…but only because the Beatles are…well, they have a lot of ballads and messages and stuff…whereas Elvis is the King and Led Zeppelin is ROCK Incarnate. Oh my gosh, I can't wait for this game to come out now. JL Clyde & others can tell you that I do some pretty passionate renditions of Beatles tracks…especially when listening to the "Across the Universe" soundtrack. Stay tuned for a song list…because it's gonna be awesome.

Snakes on a Drivetrain - Animal authorities in western Ohio have a possible sequel to "Snakes on a Plane": a case of a snake in a car. The Clark County (OH) Humane Society is looking for the owner of a 7-foot-long boa constrictor found under the hood of a vehicle in Springfield (home of the Simpsons). The family that found the snake under their engine told the Humane Society that neighbors had seen the reptile slithering toward the car and alerted them. A family member had to untangle the snake from the engine. Humane Society director Ed Sisler says the snake, nicknamed "Buddy," has a good attitude but likes to hiss. He says the shelter gets about a dozen snakes a year but never one this large. He says local educators could use the snake in the classroom if its owner doesn't come forward. I still think that Samuel L. Jackson should be on high alert status. Not because of mother lovin' snakes popping everywhere…but because his new movie "Soul Men" comes out this week and the other two costars have recently passed away (Bernie Mac & Isaac Hayes). Dang, now I wanna go see "Long Kiss Goodnight" and sing what I'm doing. "Do dodo dodo, puttin' my left foot in the shoe. Do dodo dodo, then I tie that sucker down. Do dodo dodo, puttin' the right foot…in the hide of some fiiiiiine Italian cooooow." Don't judge me.

Town Wins the Lotto - Inhabitants of the deprived Sicilian suburb of Catania sang and danced through the night outside a cafe where the winning ticket for a 100 million Euro (128 million dollars) lottery was bought. Hundreds of residents in the working-class suburb gathered outside the cafe as the local mayor urged the winner to spread some of the record prize money to the community. "I am delighted for Catania and I hope this is a good sign for the town," said Mayor Raffaele Stancanelli. "I also hope the ticket was bought by many people... and whoever won will feel a moral obligation to do something for the local community." No pressure, right? Catania, a large port in eastern Sicily, has more than one million residents and is one of Italy's poorest cities…so that'd even spread out to about a hundred Euros per person. How would you spread the wealth? Or would you? It's your lotto ticket, right? You have over a hundred million Euros now. Personally, I'm a nice guy…but I’m not that nice. However, once you get past about five or ten million dollars (or Euros or whatever) what else can you really do? Put it in the stock market? F**k that!!! Here's what I would do in said situation. I would keep about twenty million for myself (half's going to the government anyway) and give the rest to the townspeople…so after taxes maybe 40 bucks per man, woman, and child. That'd stimulate the economy a little bit I would think…but nothing substantial. On second thought, maybe I'll just keep it all and give it to the townspeople my own way. What's my way you ask? "You two, fight to the death with whatever weapons you can grab in this piazza. The winner gets a hundred Euros." Even if I don't lose it all at the gentlemen's clubs or burlesque shows or straight-up Sicilian (or Brazilian) brothels, I could always offer "Twenty thousand Euros…for one night with your wife." Here's the really sad thing about that…not only would it be considered…but I could do it EVERY NIGHT FOR THE NEXT DECADE…and still have a nice chunk of change for my mansion, grotto, etc. Let's hope that I never win the lottery. Okay, on the real, I'd probably end up giving most of it away…but it's fun to pretend…and the more that I give away, the less the government gets, right? It's ain't no fun if the homies can't have none.

Simple Bartering - Speaking of trading goods for services, an 82-year old Kentucky man is being charged with trafficking a controlled substance. Police investigated the elderly man's complaints about theft at his home and discovered the man allegedly traded prescription drugs for sexual favors. The Lexington Herald-Leader reported that police said they were initially concerned that women in their 20s, often seen at the man's home, were taking advantage of him. Police begin their investigation after the man called the department several times to report missing medication, household items and a television…but officers soon discovered he gave two women the prescription drug OxyContin in exchange for sex. The man's attorney said a possession of a controlled substance charge was dismissed against his client because he had prescriptions for the drugs…and then declined further comment. Is it wrong that I'm more pissed that those girls probably came back and took that old man's television causing him to miss Matlock? He's probably a WWII vet…lonely as all hell…and the only thing that gets him through the day is watching his daily stories, eating a Salisbury Steak TV dinner, and maybe get a hummer for a handful of Oxycotin or Vicatin or Loritabs or whatever helps him get over his pain the medicinal way. It's a shame…a damned shame…and now he may be going to jail for it. The defense rests…and no, I don't plan on getting paid for this. Honestly though, I would have probably done the same thing if that were his situation. It's simple bartering, the most basic of transactions. That may sound horrible…but loneliness makes you do horrible things sometimes. Okay, now that you know the horrible person that I am...let's move on.

Speaking of loneliness, a lot of you have been asking me about that over the last week or so with the move, whether it's starting to feel like home...and if I'm feeling lonely and missing my family & friends. Sure, I am. Usually I'm too busy to realize it during the day...but when it winds down...and I'm in my big apartment, full of boxes (though I'm working at it pretty well and should be home-like by Monday), overlooking a gorgeous view of downtown, with nobody to talk to except for the occasional call from the parents or text bet your ass I miss you guys. That being said, I'm really starting to like Denver...and it's really starting to feel like home as I set up all my stuff in the apartment...and I'm starting to have the casual conversations with coworkers (now that I'm not trying to learn everything at every moment) and I'm sure that in a few weeks, I'll be right as rain...and maybe find me a ladyfriend...but whatever happens, happens for a reason. Until then, I'll just get my house in order and go day by day. Have a great night everybody!!! Visit Denver!!! :)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Making My Apartment Liveable

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, tonight I'm still trying to get my banking, insurance, and all other responsible arrangements in line…and then I'll spend the evening dusting, cleaning, unloading, arranging, connecting, drilling, hanging, washing, fluffing, and all other action verbs associated with getting a home in order. I'd show you some pictures of what it looks like now…but I'm not going to. I'll wait for the end product…or maybe I'll just make you all come check it out on your own. Give you more of an excuse to come to Denver than to just see me (though that should be enough). So in lieu of that, I will give you some news clips from the past few days.

Cambodian Divorce - A couple in rural Cambodia has terminated their 18-year marriage with a divorce settlement that entailed sawing in two the wooden house they once shared. The husband, 42-year-old Moeun Sarim, has taken away with him all the bits and pieces of his half a house from the divorce with his 35-year-old wife, Vat Navy. "Very strange, but this is what my husband wanted," she said by phone from a village about 62 miles east of Cambodia's capital, Phnom Penh. She said they ended their marriage last month. "He brought his relatives and used saws to cut the house in half," she said, adding that she now owns the other half that is still standing. The house is made from wood with a tile roof and propped up on wooden pillars, a typical style for a Cambodian country home. She said her estranged husband and his relatives, after ripping apart half of the house, carried all the debris to his parents' house nearby. She said the divorce was prompted by her husband's jealousy about her alleged relationship with a policeman in the village (damn cops). She denied having an extramarital affair. "He wanted a divorce, and I said, `Let's divorce,'" she said. The husband could not be reached for comment. Bou Bout, a village chief, said local officials and police were present as witnesses the day the couple split their 20-by-24 1/2 foot house into half (that's 490 square feet…split in half). "Local officials tried three times to get them to mend their differences, but the husband would not budge," Bou Bout said by phone. King Solomon would approve with this ruling. Luckily they didn't have custody of the children to worry about…because that could've been quite messy.

Judge Dread - Asha Mandela has hair that could rival Rapunzel's. The South Florida woman who started growing her hair 20 years ago now has locks longer than she is tall. Mandela has submitted her hair, which measure 8 feet 9 inches long, to the Guinness Book of World Records for the Longest Dreadlocks, the first entry in a new category. It takes one bottle of shampoo and one bottle of conditioner every time she washes her hair and can sometimes take days to fully dry after she washes it. he 46-year-old Mandela says she "used to wash it three times a week. Now I do it once a week. It's very tiring. Sometimes I don't have the energy." I sometimes wonder why people dedicate so much of their time for something so stupid…but then I remember my mom putting all that time in on little ol' me. Now, I'd like to think that I'm a little better than some dreadlocks…but I'm not going in the Guinness Book of World Records. I can't imagine how much all that hair has to weigh. I wonder if she has neck & back problems. Oh well, nice Asha. My gosh, DAYS to dry…and she lives in Florida. That's dedication, Holmes.

Lady in Red - If a woman wants to drive the men wild, she might want to dress in red. Men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other color, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday. The study led by psychology professor Andrew Elliot of the University of Rochester in Rochester, New York, seemed to confirm red as the color of romance -- as so many Valentine's Day card makers and lipstick sellers have believed for years. Although this "red alert" may be a product of human society associating red with love for eons, it also may arise from more primitive biological roots, Elliot said. Noting the genetic similarity of humans to higher primates, he said scientists have shown that certain male primates are especially attracted to females of their species displaying red. For example, female baboons and chimpanzees show red coloring when nearing ovulation, sending a sexual signal that the males apparently find irresistible. "It could be this very deep, biologically based automatic tendency to respond to red as an attraction cue given our evolutionary heritage," Elliot said in a telephone interview…probably using a very husky voice in his best Spanish accent. The researchers noted that the color red did not alter how men rated the women in the photographs in terms of likeability, intelligence or kindness -- only attractiveness. Honestly, I think it works for guys too. I've had more comments wearing my red shirts & ties than any other color. I think it's just powerful & sexy. I don't know, what do you think?

My Kind of Bar - A 24-year-old female bartender in the Mississippi River community of Alton, Illinois was charged with misdemeanor lewd entertainment after apparently working in the buff. Police arrested the woman last Friday at the Pub Room after someone called to complain. Authorities said the woman had managed to put on a shirt before officers arrived. It's not the first time it's happened in that area. Last month in nearby Jersey County, a 33-year-old bartender at The Cabin Incorporated in Delhi was charged with public indecency after sheriff's deputies found her working nude. That county's liquor regulators subsequently suspended the tavern's liquor license for 30 days and fined its owner $500. Maybe if these ladies were just wearing red, they wouldn't have to worry about the law. Then again, if opening those beer bottles was part of the show…(shivers) sorry, I went to a bar once a few years ago…and asked for a Bud light in a bottle or something…and the lady took the bottle and (I assume) used a bottle opener attached to a belt loop or something to pop off the cap…but she took it down below the bar line…placed it between her legs, opened it, and then pulled it back up to present me with the opened bottle and a napkin coaster. I just gave her a look of amazement and said, "Wow, you must do kegels like…every day." She didn't get the joke…which probably means that she's an innocent soul. Anyway, good for her…and shame on this bartender in Alton for her alleged nudity…and the fact that I can't seem to find a picture of her to see if it's worth complaining.

Elvis Update - Elvis Aaron Presley may have left the building several decades ago, but his earning power is far from diminished with ranking him the top-earning dead celebrity for the second year in a row. Presley pulled in $52 million in the past year, helped by increased visitors to his Graceland estate to commemorate the 30th anniversary of his death and new ventures like the Elvis Sirius Satellite Radio show. "While things might be topsy-turvy in the financial markets above ground, it's still a bull market in the boneyard," said. Presley earned more between October 2007 and October 2008 than some of the music industry's biggest living pop stars like Justin Timberlake ($44 million) and Madonna ($40 million). Coming in at No. 2 with $33 million in earnings was cartoonist Charles Schulz, who died in 2000 and is best known for his "Peanuts" comic strip, while Australian actor Heath Ledger nabbed third spot. Ledger died from an accidental prescription drug overdose in January and his last film role was as the Joker in "The Dark Knight." The website said, "With the 'The Dark Knight' grossing $991 million in box office revenue worldwide, we estimate his earnings at $20 million." said it spoke to experts and sources inside the dead celebrities' estates and researched gross earnings, before taxes, management fees and other costs, from the period of October 2007 to October 2008 to come up with the rankings. German-born physicist Albert Einstein comes in at No. 4 with $18 million in earnings, mainly from Baby Einstein, the majority Disney owned videos and toys for children, while TV producer Aaron Spelling -- whose shows include "Beverly Hills 90210" and "Charlie's Angels" -- was ranked No. 5 with $15 million in earnings. Rounding out the unlucky top 13 are Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel), John Lennon, Andy Warhol, Marilyn Monroe, $teve McQueen, Paul Newman (shouldn't count because he was working most of the year…too soon?), James Dean, and Marvin Gaye. The full list can be found at Forbes. One question though, how much did the estate of Jesus make this year?

Also there is an interesting little survey. Which dead celebrity would you want to haunt your house? Okay, so maybe it's only interesting to me…but still it was there. Now, the one that I voted for was obviously number one because…well, there's a lot of guys on the internet…and Marilyn Monroe wouldn't be bad on the eyes as a specter in the bedroom. Hell, maybe she's haunting me now and I'm not just dreaming every so often…but that's neither here nor there. If you've been to my house, you know that she can already be seen all over along with James Dean, Frank Sinatra, and Tony Montana. One thing's for sure, she'd definitely like the view from my apartment. Did I mention that I like my view? Okay, just making sure. Elvis was a close second on the survey so far (because he makes money by shaking his hips and chicks dig that) but I want to know…which celebrity would you want to haunt your house? Not even from this list maybe. Go ahead be original…and I expect some good answers.

Anyway, back to cleaning up the homestead and getting it ready for visitors...some day. Also, I just need a place to sit down that isn't a cardboard cube full of clothes and kitchen utensils. Have a great day everybody!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Congratulations Lilie!!!

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Wow, it's been a few days. Well, I'd like to start off first & foremost by congratulating Lilie on her new job opportunity in sunny California. It's been a long time coming, it's exactly what she was looking for, they couldn't have hired a more qualified or pleasant person (besides myself), and SHE HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT because it's going to be awesome. Every single thing about it is positive...and it all happens for a reason, right? Congratulations Lilie...and thanks for the pumpkin cookies Friday night.

So yeah, back to me, because that IS why you're all here, right? Right. Friday night, Nikki drove me to the airport because she rocks...and I asked. I chilled at the airport for about four hours before the flight took off...but it was okay because I was at a bar watching preseason basketball and talking to two great ladies, the bartender Linda & a lady named Lucy and they were reminiscing about the good ol' days...and how they were glad that they were old enough where they could smoke pot again. I even tried flirting with another girl (more my age) at the bar...but it didn't turn out well when her boyfriend called her. Drats! Well, at least I tried to be charming...and the older ladies loved it. Oh well. Flew back to Utah, met up with Lilie to discuss our future careers (congratulations yet again) and then slept for a few hours.

Saturday was the big day for packing up stuff onto the moving van. It took all damn day. Mostly it was because it was basically me and my 50-year old parents all day...but I do want to send a special shout-out to Nate Dogg for actually showing up and helping out with some of the bigger furniture in the morning. We couldn't have done it without ya buddy. Good karma comes back around everybody. Yeah, I won't bore you with every detail...but I will tell you that towards the end, we were disconnecting the washer/dryer...and the sh*thole I've been living in for over three years just decided to crumble like a dried-out turd. One of the connections was leaking and we couldn't close it (because the handles were held together by rust & dreams) so we turned off the water main (to the whole 4-plex). Then the neighbors complained...and I told them what the situation was...and we disconnected the water heater. Then the upstairs toilet decided that it wanted to constantly we called the landlord's son Eric (who's a nice guy) and told him to get his ass down there and take care of it...because we weren't going to be blamed for the place falling apart. It was a deck of cards when I moved in...and I kept it standing with duct tape and hope. They're going to have to COMPLETELY regut that place before anybody will move in. Glad to be out of there.

Anyway, after exhausting myself, I bought some Chinese for everybody and slept at my dad's house in a bed designed for a six-year old (Cars sheets, twin size, stuffed animals, etc) and also used his jetted tub that I helped install last year. It pretty much convinced me to join the fitness club nextdoor to my apartments, so that I'll have access to a hot tub for about two bucks a day. Oh...and I can work out too if I want to. I liked working out and being in shape...but it was such a pain in the ass the last few years just to find time AND energy to do it. I'm hoping that my job and the convenience of being next door will help...along with the possibility of playing pick-up games with local celebrities. Did I mention that a retired Hall of Fame basketball player lives in my apartment complex? Did I mention that I love this place...and that it's only about ten times better than the apartment that I used to call the Cooliseum?

Sunday, my dad & I left around 9:30 AM and got to Denver around 7:30 PM...but that's only part of the story. I drove for ten hours...and was never even tired. Why you ask? Well, my dad was there to keep me company...and even when he dozed off, there was rock & roll CDs that he brought to keep up the tempo...and there was also the constant fear of driving some 600 miles with all of my earthly possession and my best friend/father in one vehicle at about 75 miles per hour. I wasn't really stressed...but I really wasn't not stressed either. It's all good. It went smoothly. There was some casualties though. During a stop in Rawlins to stretch and urinate, we opened up the back to check the payload...and one of the boxes of booze (yes, I said ONE of the BOXES of booze) fell out...but out of the dozen or so bottles, the only ones that broke were a cheap bottle of red wine, one of four vodka bottles (it's what everybody brings), and two bottles of soy sauce and spicy peanut sauce that were on top. You can imagine the concoction of smells emitting from this spill. So we picked the glass out...and continued on.

That night, I took my dad to the ESPN Zone and we watched the last few innings of a World Series game and football highlights from earlier...and enjoyed some Cheesesteaks. We would need the strength for the next day, when we moved the stuff from the van to the apartment...and by the way, I had enough sh*t to FILL a 16' moving van. I'll copy the picture one of these days to prove it...and this was AFTER I gave a lot of stuff to the DI...including a couch, loveseat and computer desk. We slept on air mattresses like babies that night.

Monday, I worked the morning then we spent the next four hours, just the two of us moving stuff up into my apartment on the 34th floor. We were amazing. Like a well-oiled machine that runs of bacon and badass. After all that, we went to Wal-Mart and my dad insisted on getting me some groceries...and you bet your ass that I wasn't about to say no. So now I have some food in my fridge. Over the next few days/weeks, I'll be setting up the furniture, connecting all the wires, emptying all the boxes, doing a bunch of laundry, dusting, all the fun stuff, then I can invited ladies back to my home to check out the view. Did I mention that I like the view? That night, we went to Rock Bottom Brewery and basically just enjoyed the food, the beer, and the scenery...provided by about a dozen hot young ladies at the tables around us for a birthday party. It was...very reassuring that I have good odds out here as a tall, hot, single guy with a good job and a nice apartment. Did I mention that I like the...yeah, I'm sure that I have.

Today, I worked most of the day but got off a little early so that I could take the moving van back (just missed out the day before because they closed about ten minutes earlier). Then we had dinner and watched the first NBA game of the season for the Celtics & Cavs at Jim & Nick's Bar-B-Q. Great food there...and I even have some leftovers for breakfast...or an Unpack Snack later tonight. We'll see. So other than that, not a whole lot to say...and I've probably said too much anyway. Filly's in New Orleans for Halloween. Bubbles may be going to Slick City (just in time to miss me) for Halloween. I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do or be for Halloween...but I'm sure that I'll find something...even if it's just go to the movies and watch "Zack & Miri Make A Porno" or something. Halloween's just a great excuse for me to get a little buzzed and see girls dress any day at a strip club...but the bulletwounds are usually fake at the Halloween party.

That'll do it for me for today. Have a great day everybody...and I'll keep you posted on the goings on around here...but like I said, mostly cleaning & unpacking the next few days. Oh yeah...and learning that whole job thing...and how I'm going to pay for the apartment. Probably have to sell a kidney or my seed or something. Such a pain when you're credit union won't send you checks a week after you asked for them. Rent's due, bitches! Step it up. Anyway, again, have a great day...and CONGRATULATIONS LILIE!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Quickie to Keep the Ladies Entertained

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Just thought I'd give a quick news flash for all the ladies out there...since Lilie's bringing me pumpkin cookies later tonight. Here it goes...

Sadly, I Would Take This Tour - About two years ago, I went on a romantic week-long vacation to Boston with a woman twice my age. Okay, so it wasn't romantic…but it happened…and it could've been romantic…just keep that in mind, ladies. Anyway, we took a day trip out to the city of Providence, Rhode Island and it's a cool little town. I'll share some pictures some time if you want. The State Capitol Building is amazing, there are lots of Victorian Houses on High Street, there's a riverwalk area, shopping, Brown University, all that stuff. However, now there's another tour that I would need to check out. I guess in honor of Brown University, you can get your education on about what happens when you flush the toilet, as Rhode Island is now offering tours of several wastewater treatment facilities during what its dubbed the first annual "Rhode Island Water Infrastructure Month." Tours of treatment plants the past few weeks have been in East Providence, Bristol and Narragansett (bless you). Other tours and educational programs continue for the next week or so…and will apparently be an annual thing. As part of the festivities, the Narragansett wastewater operators team, "Fecal Matters," also will compete in a national latrine-treating skills contest in Chicago against last year's champions, the Rocky Mountain "Commode Commandos." Why do I mention this? Because it would probably be interesting…and let's face it, poop is funny.

Farts Help Blood Pressure - A new study has found that a rotten-egg gas in farts controls blood pressure in mice. The unpleasant aroma of the gas, called hydrogen sulfide (H2S), can be a little too familiar, as it is expelled by bacteria living in the human colon and eventually makes its way, well, out. The new research found that cells lining mice's blood vessels naturally make the gas and this action can help keep the rodents' blood pressure low by relaxing the blood vessels to prevent hypertension (high blood pressure). This gas is "no doubt" produced in cells lining human blood vessels too, the researchers said. "Now that we know hydrogen sulfide's role in regulating blood pressure, it may be possible to design drug therapies that enhance its formation as an alternative to the current methods of treatment for hypertension," said Johns Hopkins neuroscientist Solomon H. Snyder. There's more information as to the specifics of how the enzymes work…but this may be a key factor as to why married men have above average blood pressure…because they hold back their flatulation in the presence of their significant other. Sure, ladies, we may let one slip out in front of you every so often…but honestly, we could do a LOT more. Therefore, I say, encourage your man…and your woman to fart. The health benefits are undeniable…and there's always Febreze and scented candles to get over that smell…and who knows what may happen with the lighting of a few scented candles in a dark room? By the way, THAT helps blood pressure too…as long as you use protection.

Is That a Shrimp In Your Pocket (Or Are You Just Small)? - Authorities said a man tried to steal several bags of frozen shrimp from a supermarket by hiding them down his pants. The Manatee County (Really? A Manatee County? Awesome) Sheriff's Office reported that an off-duty detective was shopping at a Sweetbay supermarket Sunday when he noticed what appeared to be a man with groceries stuffed in his pants. The detective approached the 32-year-old man and ordered him to stop. Authorities said the man then removed several bags of shrimp from his pants and promised to put them back. "No, no, that's okay. We'll just take you to jail. No need to put those back on display." When the man fled for the store's exit, the detective tackled and restrained him until patrol deputies arrived. The man was charged with shoplifting, battery on an officer and resisting arrest. He was being held on $2,600 bail…and his balls are probably still blue. You think he would at least go for some King Prawns to stuff in his pants…but whatever. Times are hard.

He-Bitch Update - Speaking of small penises, four Chinese men have been jailed for up to 5- years for running a male prostitution service that sold sex to other men, state media said Wednesday. Zheng Shuyi registered the website -- the word "nan" being Chinese for "man" -- and advertised it as a spa, but he used it to recruit male prostitutes. He then hired two rooms and sold sex for up to 400 yuan ($60) a session (yeah, the exchange rate is amazing over there). The prostitutes, based in the eastern province of Zhejiang, "went when they were called and offered their services." Zheng's defense had tried to argue that the law against prostitution only applied to women selling sex. The court disagreed and said the law did not define the sex. While homosexuality is not illegal in China, prostitution is. One of the men, who had syphilis, was also found guilty of spreading a sexual disease. Prostitution was stamped out in the years following the Communist revolution in 1949, but has returned with a vengeance following sweeping economic and social reforms over the last three decades. Believe me, the barbershops there…are full of beautiful women in short silk dresses who have no idea how to cut hair…but they know a lot about trim, if you know what I'm saying. Anyway, it's good to see fellow gigolos get some mention in the press every once in a while.

Just a few hours until I fly back to Utah to move all my stuff into my new apartment. I'm so excited...but I know that it's going to be a bit of a pain. Moving always is. Anyway, have a great weekend everybody!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Rays Still Beat Steve Irwin

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after blogging, I watched Game 1 of the World Series...and I'm kinda of interested in it, which hasn't happened for YEARS, even decades. I like the Phillies because...well, they are from are the the Philadelphia Eagles, Benjamin Franklin, the Cheesesteak, Rocky Balboa, and Bone Junior...all legends of not only America...but the entire world. Then again, I also like the Tampa Bay (DEVIL) Rays...because they're a young team that went from worst (for more than a decade) to it's like a Rocky story of its own. Hell, if Dick Vitale roots for them, you know they have to be awesome, baby! Anyway, game was okay...and a little boring...but most baseball is unless the cops are called. The Phillies won the first game of the best-of-seven series by the score of 3-2. Thus concludes today's sports report (Lilie, JL Clyde, and all the other ladies that don't care for my views or encyclopedic knowledge of useless trivia). Today, I worked. Tomorrow, I work...then fly home for the weekend to move my stuff here...and have some pumpkin cookies that were made especially for me. Yippee!!! And now, the triumphant return of news bits a la Mookie...

Miss Teen Louisiana - As if a teenage Southern Belle beauty queen wouldn't be hot enough...then she had to go and get high and stripped...or her crown. 18-year old Lindsey Evans lost her crown 11 days early after being arrested on charges of leaving a restaurant without paying and carrying marijuana. Evans will have to return her sash and crown, but won't have to return any other prizes or cash equivalents. Bossier City police were called to a Posados Cafe restaurant Saturday evening because a group had left without paying $46.07. The manager had found a pocketbook at the table, and police found Evans' driver's license and about 2 grams of suspected marijuana in it. (What exactly is "suspected marijuana"?) Officers recognized Evans from the photo (in Playboy?) when the group returned for the pocketbook. It's a tragedy...but then again, look at Vanessa Williams. She won Miss America, posed for Playboy, stripped of her crown, started a singing career, a movie career, a TV commercial career, married a basketball player, all that. There's obviously still hope for ya, sweetie. Besides, you're hot...and that goes a long way...maybe too far.

TV Kills!!! - Authorities in southwest Missouri say a TV remote control probably triggered an explosion that destroyed a Christian County home on Tuesday morning. The only person in the home at the time, Cindy Curry, 66, was blown outside but had only minor injuries. Firefighters said it's amazing she survived at all. Curry's husband, Jerry, said he smelled propane gas in the 10-year-old house late Monday...but the smell was gone Tuesday morning, so he went out to have breakfast with friends. His wife then turned on the TV, and Billings Fire Chief Henry Bos (real it really is Chief Bos, which would seem a little redundant) said it appears the remote control ignited propane still in the house. The couple lost two of their dogs and a bird. So you see, your mom was right. TV, though an excellent babysitter, is a killer...and you definitely shouldn't watch more than twelve hours a day.

We've ALL Thought About It - Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash. The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit. Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. (A little morning glory before work?) An officer approached on foot and caught the man in the act (that's why they pay cops). The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released, is being held (probably by a large also-frustrated man) in the Saginaw County Jail. Now, we've ALL thought about it...but this guy actually took the leap and did it. Congratulations isn't the best word...but it's the first word that comes to mind. Just thought that I'd share that little bit with ya.

Blue Bananas - No, not a continuation of the last story. When a banana ripens, it turns yellow - unless you look at it under a black light, in which case, it appears bright blue, a new study has found.The banana's blue glow was discovered by scientists at the University of Innsbruck in Austria and Columbia University in New York, the first team to look for this phenomenon in bananas. The researchers think the coloring is related to the degradation of chlorophyll that occurs as the banana ripens and could aid animals who eat bananas and can see in the ultraviolet range of the spectrumChlorophyll is the green pigment present in plants that allows them to obtain energy from light during photosynthesis. As the banana ripens, the chlorophyll begins to break down - a process called catabolism - and the resulting products are concentrated in the banana peel. Under ultraviolet light, more commonly known as black light, these breakdown products fluoresce, or glow, blue. That's right ladies & gentlemen, there are not one but TWO grant-funded studies...that are running bananas under black lights (possibly while on acid) because they are funded to do so. I need to get me a synopsis made up and get me some grant money...then delegate the research to some geneticists in India...and cash in on the profits. I love America!!!

Anyway, that'll do it for today. It'll be a few days before I write here again...but I just want to let you all know that I miss y'all madly and hope that you enjoy my insane ramblings...because I enjoy bringing them to you...when it best suits me. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Play safe and use protection.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Learning More Every Day

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, the snow didn't come to my deck of the woods...and it doesn't appear anything within my view either...but it was just a cool, crisp, picturesque these pictures will undoubtedly concur. These are of my new apartment (now bare) and the surrounding area when I went on a run to Walgreen's for essentials like TP. By the way, did I also mention that there is a 7-Eleven directly across the street from me? Because that's kind of an awesome thing if I ever have a Slurpee fix. Anyway, here are some pictures...

16th Street Mall
An Empty Living Room
Consider this the "Before" Picture
Like I said last night, it's like a reverse starry night...
Sunrise in the morning...

Today at work was more learning experiences and getting to know coworkers. I also did some work with two of my favorite bands today. Now, I can't tell you who they are...but just think of the greatest rock bands EVER...and you're probably right. Did I mention that my new job feeds me lunch? I really can't remember what I've told you...but yeah, they feed us. We had Chicken Cordon Bleu (pronounced in proper French, Lilie) and all the fixin' pumpkin pie cake for somebody's birthday (have yet to meet them). It was sweet. Nikki wasn't feeling too she went home a little early but I was more than ready to cover for her...for an hour at the end of the day. I'm learning the stuff pretty well, I think...but I'm sure that I'm bugging the hell out of her & Boss Man J...but they'll get used to it...and I'll get used to it...then they'll long to hear my sweet all the wonderful people back in Utah, right?

Sadly, other than that, I really haven't done that much today. I did wear my nice chocolate brown ensemble (I think official it's some kind of brown pinstripe suit, tribal tan dress shirt, and multi-brown tie with Italian cow shoes & belt...but I call it my chocolate brown ensemble...because it's diverse & delicious). Here are some pictures that I took today when I got bored...sorry about the lighting...but apparently my apartment is a former hotel suite with no ceiling lights in the bedroom or living area, so the lights are in the kitchen, bathroom, and walk-in closet until I get them moved this weekend.

Coors Field is RIGHT THERE!!!
Took a picture of the kitchen while it was clean
Just water in Mountain Dew bottles, not even booze yet
Borrowed the towel from T-Skittle
Best picture that I could get of the Chocolate Brown Ensemble
and it's blurry as hell, I tried a bunch of times too...
Okay, here's the bed waiting for me back in Utah...
...and where I laid my head last night. Hot, right?
Walk-In Closet space is awesome
Teaser to my suits...but you can see some of the ties
Italian Cow Shoes, size 14 with matching belt
Daniels & Fisher Tower on 16th Street
Did I mention I love the view?

P.S. Speaking of moving this weekend, if any of you would like to come help or just hang out, I'll be in Slick City late Friday night, packing all day Saturday (maybe swinging by my niece's 2nd birthday party time permitting), and Sunday morning I'm driving back in a U-Haul. Holla if you wanna wang.

That should do it for me tonight...but I miss you all madly back in Utah. I know that my former job had their first supervisor meeting in over five years without me (save those random trips to China, etc.) but I'm sure that they had fun without me. If not, come on down to Denver. We'd love to have ya. Have a great night everybody!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

First Night Above the Mile High City

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it. Let's see, where did we last leave off? Friday? Seriously? Where the f**k have I been? Oh yeah, busy outta my mind getting set up in Denver. I apologize for the sparce entries...but I'm sure that you understand. Well, let's see. Since Friday, I've done a little bit of everything...sort of. Saturday, I spent the morning at the hotel and then headed to meet T-Skittle (Filly's aunt in town) but along the way, stopped at the Devil (aka Walmart) to pick up a bed for myself during the next week...a wonderful voleur top air mattress. It's actually really comfortable for being a queen sized air mattress. Anyway, eventually I made it to her house...and met her husband D-Skittle and sons S-Skittle & M-Skittle...and his pregnant girlfriend C-Skittle. Everybody clear? Okay. They were extremely nice peeps. Very hospitable...and of course, being a humble man, I wasn't about to take advantage of it...but they were even offering me a TV for the week until I got my stuff moved into my apartment. T-Skittle even made a bed for me...and the rest of the family told me that it had been probably a decade since she had done it for them. What can I say? The ladies love me. Oh, they also have three cats named Rocky (like the boxer), Whitey (like the Man), and Oreo (like the cookie...but I also called him the Jungle Love lyric). We basically watched college football all day and D-Skittle was more than willing to answer questions about the area, give me maps, tell me where all the cool places to go on road trips were, even gave me a phone book. Like I said, good peeps...and over the weekend, we got pretty tight. They even invited me to Turkey Day Dinner if I didn't have any plans. Is that sweet or what?

Saturday night, some of the coworkers and I originally had plans to hit the town...but a rash of strep throat had hit the week before so most were sick or recovering, others had wedding plans, so it was basically down to Nikki & me sharing a Smash Burger, which were actually quite delicious burgers. We agreed that In & Out Burger was better...but this was the best in Denver (so far?). We caught up on how we were doing (hadn't really talked to eachother in a year or so since she moved out here) and I asked about the city and she asked about people back home and why the hell I decided on Denver and stuff like that. During dinner, there was even a beautiful sunset right outside the window. It was an awesome little meal...and afterwards, I went back to T-Skittle's and watched more football. Good times.

Sunday was more football, but this time of the professional variety. D-Skittle & I talked about football and more about the area and eachother's background. He looks and acts like your stereotypical hippie. I mean...just close your eyes...and picture a hippie. That's this guy...and he's cool as sh*t. Anyway, basically all day Sunday was me just kicked back and relaxing, doing as little as possible. I even watched some stupid horror movies with T & S-Skittles. The first was "Shutter" with Rachael Taylor (who I saved from a giant snake) and Joshua Jackson about a camera that kills you. Okay, so that's what the preview made you think...and it pretty much is (in fact, spoiler alert, somebody is killed by a camera). Basically, there's a ghost haunting this young married couple of which the man happens to be a photographer and the girl is really really hot. Anyway, the ghost shows up as smudges on pictures (even digital) and curiosity leads the girl to investigate (for some reason). A web of lies and intrigue ensues...and you basically laugh at how unscary the movie is. Period. I say pass...but how can you pass on Rachael Taylor? Cheesy horror flick.

The next one was "The Devil's Partner" from 1961. It's an old black & white movie with bad editing, sound, storylines, and not the satanic porno that I was expecting...but it was kid friendly, which was good because S-Skittle watched it with me. It was incredible to watch though. It's about a small town where people are dying mysteriously...and they all seem to somehow be involved with the city's gas station attendant Rick (not Louis Cypher...but pretty close). The worst kept secret in the that he's the Devil. (Of course, the Devil would sell you gas with a smile) Basically the story is really...well, you don't really focus on that. I'd say check it out if you have an hour to spare and want to see what old scary movies were like. I enjoyed it...but not because it was frightening...but in a "Plan 9 from Outer Space" kind of way.

Monday was day two at the new job...and I basically spent the whole day trying to soak in as much information as I could (names, systems, procedures, etc) along with city landmarks, freeway exits, street names (not all numbers like in Utah) and my mind's a little on overload right now...but I'll manage and want to learn more. It's awesome to be completely immersed in something completely new. I mean, basically Nikki is the only person I had ever known before...and even then, just as a casual coworker buddy. Everybody has been great though at making me feel welcome, always good for a laugh or advice, and the eye candy isn't bad either...but I'm not dating coworkers anymore, remember? Of course you don't...because I wouldn't dare chisel that in stone and deny that portion of the populus. It would be like saying that women can't vote...and I'm all against women's suffrage. Wait, is that right? Isn't women's suffrage like their suffering? Damn English language. Anyway, work's cool...and I'm starting to remember a lot of the names and procedures...but it's a lot to soak in. Just a matter of time though.

After work, Nikki invited some people to a house in Castle Rock that she was housesitting to watch the Broncos Monday Night game against the Patriots. For those who don't know, Castle Rock is the Ritzy, multi-million dollar homes suburb of Denver...and this house was no difference. This house had several unused rooms that were bigger than my apartment...but we do have similar taste in projector TV with Guitar Hero/Rock Band attached. So when the game really started to suck (Pats 41, Broncos 7) we decided to play some Guitar Hero...just me and the four ladies watching football, playing video games, eating pizza and drinking beer. Good times. Thanks for the invite, Nikki. Oh yeah, it rained a little bit and one of the ladies also new to Denver is from Rancho Mirage, California and had never driven in rain before. She's going to LOVE the snow...which should start falling later tonight.

Today, it was basically just work during the day then I was finally able to get my key, parking pass, etc. and move into my new apartment. I'll show you some pictures tomorrow or something. I took a stroll to the Walgreen's to get essentials like toilet paper and some snacks...but basically, it's just my suits, other clothes, an airmattress, and a few water bottles in the fridge. It's hot stuff...but I look out the window...and it's like a starry night...but in reverse with all the glittering lights down at the street level some 300 feet down and the sky's cloudy tonight because of the impending snow. I can't wait for the snow to start falling right outside my window, glowing in the city lights, and falling on the city streets I stand there in my Spiderman underwear with a million people before me on the horizon. Oh yes, I like this apartment so far.

Anyway, I'll let you all get to bed...and I'd better too. Even though my commute in the morning involves taking an elevator. Have I told you how much I like this apartment? Or the city of Denver? Or all of you loyal readers...and my other family & friends who aren't necessarily reading this? Because it's true. I miss you all madly...but I'm doing good...and every day is a new experience...and I can't wait to get this place tricked out so that when you come visit, we can play some Rock Band at about 300 feet about the Mile High City, sip a few beers...and if you're lucky, get to crash on an airmattress like me tonight. Have a great night everybody!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

HUGE Day in Denver

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today was my first day at my new job...and it was a lot to absorb in one sitting. Boss Man J started off the day by introducing me to several hundred people...of which I probably remember about a dozen...but that'll come with time. In fact, one of my coworkers Candy seemed SUPER excited to see me (three cups of coffee?) and gave me a big hug...which was a little awkward (mostly because I'm 6'7" and she's about 4'10") but I'm cool with it. Great bunch of coworkers that I have so far. Nikki helped out Boss Man J by showing me the ropes and going over my duties and some of the rules and stopping by HR to make sure everything's okay and you know, all the usual first day stuff. Good times...and it feels odd to say...but I can't wait until Monday to learn more and do more. So excited about this new job of mine...and this new environment. Oh, I wish you could all feel this mixture of anticipation, anxiety, excitement, living moment to moment, not knowing exactly what's going on...but just enjoying every experience...and it's only been two days. It's weird. It's not home or anything like that yet...but given time, it could be I think. At least for a while.

Last night, I was TOO excited to sleep. I tried to get to bed early so that I could get up early, get a good breakfast, maybe explore the city a bit before getting to work...but that didn't exactly happen. I had a thousand things running through my head and they were all awesome. It was like Christmas morning...only instead of presents I had a job waiting for me. I was also really excited about the different apartments that I checked out yesterday. They were all cycling through my head and I was weighing pros & cons and all while trying to relax and get some shuteye. I was thinking about all my family & friends back home and when I might get to see them or hear from them again. Well, apparently I eventually got to sleep but I woke up feeling like a million bucks, get ready for work, had a hearty breakfast, and went to work. During the day, a lot of people were asking me about where I transferred from, how I like the city, how the apartment search is going, and of course I was more than happy to fill them in on my favorite This is how I found that at least three ladies IN MY DEPARTMENT lived in the apartments upstairs which was BY FAR #1 on my list (especially after talking to my parents the night before, talking to friends, and getting suggestions from Pirate Monkey, Lilie, and somebody named James). This got me super duper excited.

After the day at work (already discussed), I went to the office for the Apartments Denver Place to put my name down for a new apartment. This was it. This was going to be my new a prestigious highrise overlooking the Denver Skyline in an apartment that was basically perfect for me. Lauren greeted me as I walked in with "It's already been sold." My heart stopped for a moment. "" She was having a guy sign papers so she said, "Hey, can I talk to you in a minute? Would you mind just waiting in the lobby while I finish this up?" "Yeah sure." So I sat in the lobby and watched a bunch of slanderous political commercials for about three minutes going over my other options, how my weekend was going to be full of trying to find something comparable, damn it, damn it, damn it. I knew I should've stopped by during my lunch break (by the way, my job gives me lunch...and it's awesome. We had Reubens, macaroni salad and ice cream sandwiches today.)

We went into her office and she said, "Yeah, so that apartment that I showed you yesterday on the 26th floor, we had to move somebody else into it's no longer available." "Oh man, that sucks." "However, we do have the same floor model available...but it's on the 34th floor. Is that going to be okay?" Had to think for a second why that wouldn't be more awesome. She didn't seem to be trying to be sarcastically clever...and being an expert, I think I would know. "Ugh...same floor plan...eight floors higher? Gee, maybe we should go check it out. Just to be safe." She smiled, grabbed her keys, and we went to check it out. Exactly the same room...but a different angle of downtown out the windows. Same offer? Sold!!! We took care of the paperwork...and long story short, I have a six month lease on a great apartment...and if I find that I can't afford downtown living, it's only for six months and I can get more assituated to the city by then. It should be awesome. Big day for me!!!

So yeah, basically with that, over the next week or so I'll be getting the logistics down to move my crap from Utah to Colorado...while learning my new job basically from scratch...and trying to memorize names of hundreds of individuals. Should be a fun time...but at least I've got my apartment situation down, my job's awesome, and my family & friends are more than willing to help me out. In fact, I've been inspired to finally make some changes to the title and format of this blog over the next little while too...and call it something like "The Eclectic Eccentric: Pimpin' on the Ritz" or "Dr. Mookie Love: Pimpin' on the Ritz". Any other thoughts or suggestions? Let me know. In the meantime, I may just turn in a little early today since I didn't get much sleep last night...but we'll see since I'm SOOOO excited about having a high-rise apartment in the heart of a metropolis. Plaaaayaaaaaa...

Have a great weekend everybody!!! Thank you for all that you do. All the suggestions that you've given me. All the support that you've given me. I only wish there's a way that I could pay you back. If anything comes to mind, let me know.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

First Day in Denver

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday started with me blogging a bit, then squaring away a few things around town (returning cable box, talking to landlord, etc.) before heading on my fantastic voyage to Denver. I ended up getting on the freeway around 11:30 or so and really only made stops in Evanston for a Crunchwrap Supreme & Popcorn Chicken, in Rock Springs for some drinks (that I forgot to snag in Evanston), and Laramie to top off the gas tank for the week, get some directions for a scenic route via Hwy 287 (Laramie to Fort Collins direct), and urinate. The rest of the time, my mind was just kind of running through all of the stuff that I was going to have to do, all the people that I was going to miss, how everything's going to go when I get there, the psychic reading that JL Clyde gave me the night before (it's all good), and another thing that came up a lot...was my friend Bubbles. First, just before I got on the freeway, I drove past her old house along the way, then the Cafe Rio that we had lunch at on the Day of Infamy back in January, which got me thinking about helping her check out places in Vegas & Denver in February, then I realized that I was listening to a CD that she gave me entitled "Who Loves Ya Cookie?", even when I was taking a leak in Laramie, I'm in the stall...and what song comes on the speakers? "Fight Outta You" by Ben Harper, which I had only previously heard on her MySpace page and a few times on her iPod. You'll never guess who called me about a half hour after that along the beautiful scenic route...of course, Bubbles checking to see if I was there yet. Anyway, enough about my craziness (won't even get into my self-conversations & singing Li'l Jon songs with seat dancing) here are some pictures...
Scenic Route - Hwy 287
There she new home

I checked in at the hotel (thanks for the last minute directions Mandy) and the room's nice. It has a small kitchen, a bed, a toilet, and wireless internet. That's all I really need...oh, and a shower...this time. Gonna stay here for a few nights because it's in downtown, then I'm going to spend next week at Filly's Aunt's house. I guess I should name her. We'll call her...T-Skittle. Why? Because it's my blog...and skittles are awesome. That first night, I spent about an hour calling and texting people to let them know that I made the drive safe & sound and was ready to start my life as a Denverite. Then I went across the street to Jersey Mike's Subs and got me a delicious Philly Cheesesteak unexpected surprise that just about made me squeal with delight. The surprise...was Tastykakes. Does anybody else out there know what Tastykakes are? (I know, Bone Junior does) They're basically just the most delicious little cake snacks that have ever been made...and they're huge on the East Coast (I know Pennsylvania for certain) but can't seem to find them anywhere in Utah. Well, I found them at the very least at this sub place in Denver...and if they're elsewhere, I may just be 300 pounds by Christmas time. We shall see.

Today I woke up bright and early and started Apartment Search '08 in the nearby community called Capitol Hill, which is very similar to the Avenues in Salt Lake City. How so? It's a lot of historic (old) buildings that were once downtown office buildings now converted to affordable apartments for students, single people, and other people that can't afford big places or downtown lofts. There's a lot of trees and it seems like a surprisingly chill area given that it's so close to major roads. Also, it's right next to the State Capitol and has some cool churches yeah, just like the Avenues. Running theme for all of these tours, they have a lot of cute girls giving tours...and being an eyes man, I was not disappointed. Hazel, green, sea blues, even those blues that look like they were bleached a bit...and could probably read your thoughts if they stared at you long enough...which would either make their day or creep them out, oh yeah...there was plenty of eye candy for $teve today...but I was on business, so I remained focused...apparently on their eyes. That's why I took notes, lots of notes.

The first stop was the Mezzo (Horny) Apartments. I remember this one being among the favorites when I was helping Bubbles & JJ look for a place almost a year ago. The building is one of the first skyscrapers in the Denver area and was built "back in the day" like the 30's if I remember right...but has been converted to apartments. The location's pretty good, about a 15-20 minute walk to where I'll be working, Jazz Club on site, gated access, skydeck with grilling area overlooking downtown, free DVD rentals, and wireless internet...but a little pricey for the area that it's in. All in all, not a bad place though. Here are some pictures of the tour given by hazel-eyed hottie Katherine...
Nice kitchen
Big living area
Yes, that's my nemesis - a ceiling fan
My "balcony"

Next stop was the Camellia House...but there was a problem, they didn't have any places that they could show me for at least another week or two...and the rent was about $100 more then I was quoted earlier...but I told them to give me a call when/if something opened up and if I hadn't found a place by then, I might check it out.

Similar situation with the next stop, the Franklin Roosevelt complex...but they had a studio that they could show me...about $100 more than I was told. It's a pretty simple complex, no big pools or anything like that, just apartments. Here are some pictures from the tour by blue-eyed redhead Cindy...
Hardwood floors are nice
The ugh...crapper's behind the door
Two blocks from the State Capitol

The next area that I wanted to check out was right in the thick of it, Downtown Denver. First stop in this region was the A.T. Lewis & Rio Grande Lofts right on the 16th Street Pedestrian Mall & the Convention Center. Just a few blocks from my new job. Now, I had called earlier and they told me that they were primarily for "Affordable Living" subsidies which meant that I was made juuuust enough money last year to not qualify (dammit) but I was going to check out the two-bedroom setup that was really out of my price range...but I was curious because it's another one of those old office buildings with the vaulted ceiling turned into loft apartments...and I love vaulted ceilings like a fat kid loves cake...and you never know, I may stumble upon a roommate in the next few days. Here are the pictures of that tour given by the lovely green eyed lady Patti...
That's the 16th Street Mall out the window

Since I was nearby, I had lunch with Nikki, a new & former coworker at a nearby cafe and we talked about Denver and how cool it is. She's lived here for about a year now and hated it at first...but now she never wants to leave. On the way back to our work (I start tomorrow), she mentioned that in the same building, they had apartments. I was told that...but figured rent must be astronomical given the location and everything. She told me that there are some discounts and that I should at least check it out. I'm glad that I did. The Apartments Denver Place is located in the same building as I work (has its advantages & disadvantages), the rooms were actually some of the more spacious that I've seen, the apartment is located on the 26th floor with a view of downtown & Coors Field, and parking is included with the rent. Here are some pictures of the tour given by the tall lovely blue eyed blonde (and married) Lauren...
Big living area
Enormous Bedroom (which I Love)
A place to hang my suits
I've seen worse bathrooms
The View from the 26th floor

Next stop was the Broadway Plaza about four blocks from my job...conveniently located at what appeared to be the corner of Crack and Cocaine. Okay, there's a little more homeless people than I'm used to in my Slick City life...but I figured it was a bad omen when crossing the street in front there's cop cars zipping by, a small park across the street filled with homeless people sleeping midday and others looking suspiciously like their looking for customers wearing big coats middday, and I was greeted by a police officer kind enough to hold the door for me. Okay, so location wasn't it's best feature...but I was still going to give it a shot. Who knows? It might be pretty nice. The apartments really weren't that bad (save for the exposed concrete walls at some places...but that's why you decorate accordingly), the utilities & parking were included, and there's some good natural light (with views overlooking the afforementioned intersection) so here are some pictures from the tour given by the only gentlemen of the day, a dark-haired, brown-eyed man with a mustache who's name I didn't write we'll call him Fred...
Nice kitchen
Bedroom's small
Shower has adjustable hose & handlebars...ladies
At least I know there are sprinklers...
Oh yes, that's concrete...and it's everywhere

Last stop in downtown was the Ballpark Lofts near Coors Field, home of the Rockies. Just a few blocks from the last place...and online the rates were a bit out of my range...but they allegedly had employee discounts as well. So I walked in, was greeted by several lovely ladies (nice start), and was given a tour by a girl with those bleached blue eyes named Shea. It's a great community, modern for the area, central courtyard area with pool, firepit, and the like. Rooms were pretty nice and recently renovated...with my floorplan being dubbed The Big Show. Alas, the location was still along Crack Boulevard and further from my job...and more importantly, there were no discounts and the bedroom was pretty small. Still pretty nice though. Here are the pictures...
Not my living room...but similar's like a studio...but with that divider thing in the way
Walk-in closet / Vanity / Bathroom Combo
Skydeck overlooking Coors Field

The last place that I checked today was about three miles west of where I'll be working, across the freeway but on the RTD line that would take me into town. Now, when I was asking people that lived there about where the bad parts of town are. They mentioned to me two streets consistently...and those were Colfax Avenue & Federal Highway. Well, at the intersection of Colfax & Federal is The Overlook at Mile High, which looked pretty nice online, so I thought that I'd give it a shot. I'm a little glad that I did. Sure, the surrounding neighborhood isn't the best...but it wasn't the worst either. The complex itself has a giant steel gate surrounding it and all the towers are secured with a patrol at night. All the apartments have patios or balconies and it's reasonably priced compared to some of the places downtown. The only concerns would be taking the lightrail into town, coming back at a late hour, and maybe picking up some Spanish...but I've been in that situation before. Here are the pictures from the tour by an older lady...but still with those bleached blue eyes, Kimberly...

After that, I was exhausted, it was about 5 PM so all the complexes were closing up shop...and the only places that I had left were a bit of a drive away...and it was rush hour, so I called it a night...and thought that I'd share the pictures and thoughts with you. So here they are. Now, like I said, I've taken a lot of notes today and in the past...and as it stands, here's about what monthly expenses are going to be with rent, parking, utilities, transportation to/from work, internet, cable, etc. included by my calculations (give or take about $50 depending on services like cable or parking)

Mezzo - $1150 per month
Franklin Roosevelt - $900 (and I'd have to wait)
A.T. Lewis - 2 bedroom $1500
Denver Place - $1100
Broadway Plaza - $900
Ballpark Lofts - $1200
Overlook at Mile High - $900

Crossing those numbers with my general feelings while checking out the places, I'm really leaning towards the Apartments Denver Place at the same building where I work...but I'm open to suggestions...and I've also got a few places left to check out in the surrounding suburbs, some on RTD lines...but that would add commute time into my calculations as well...and when you're a pimp, time is money. Anyway, please let me know what you think. I love different points of view...especially when it's involving a LOT of my wages. Well, nothing really going on tonight...but that's okay...because I'm exhausted from walking all over town to do this. Yes, I hoofed it all day (well, except Overlook) so that I'd get a feel for the city...and it was a beautiful sunny day in the sixties. Couldn't ask for better weather...except maybe Gelato falling from the sky...but that usually doesn't happen. Anyway, have a great night everybody!!! First day in Denver was a success...and I start my new job tomorrow. Wish me luck!!!

Where Should I Go Next?