Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,
(Yet another deep sigh...) Okay, so this whole Denver job thing is basically getting ridiculous, I'm truly sorry to report. I worked early yesterday...and I was a little worried when Boss Lady J came up to me...and let me know that despite my re-reapplying on Wednesday, I would have to re-re-reapply again. Okay, done. She & Boss Man B were going to help track progress and keep me posted as I worked. Cool beans. Stuff might get done now that they're involved. Apparently, the process is that my current HR department would get some kind of update in their system that I applied...then they would pass the info along to HR in Denver...and then I would have to have another interview from corporate headquarters...and that usually takes about three business days to set up...and it was nearing the end of this business day quickly...and then, do I have the job and this is just a formality? If I bomb the interview somehow, am I no longer getting the job? Today's my last day. Am I going to be unemployed while all this bureaucratic BS goes through? Even after all that, I still had questions about where I was going to be staying while I'm there looking for an apartment...and whether they'd be helping out...but then again, according to their info, I STILL hadn't even APPLIED for the job that I was OFFERED & ACCEPTED nearly a WEEK AGO...allegedly (they used "officially" but it's basically the same principle). So yeah...at the end of the day, apparently it hadn't even moved past MY CURRENT HR in the 8 hour workday. Maybe this is just some flaw in the overly-automated HR system (not the first time it has happened as mentioned before). I mean...do I have to drive to Denver and type my information into their system? Does anybody else see the flaws in this? Maybe it's a sign...and I should reconsider Denver. Maybe God just hates me for some reason. Couldn't imagine why. Maybe I'm squandering my talent...and wasting it on trying to work...when I should just be out repopulating the world and wandering the land...like Doogie Howser in the "Harold & Kumar" movies. Who knows? HOPEFULLY, I'll find out in the next few days...because otherwise it could get really awkward if I just casually show up to work in Denver on Wednesday.
If that wasn't enough, I walked out of work (apparently not quite officially my last day yet...since it may be a few weeks before HR does their job) and I go to start my car...and it turns...but it's like there's no gas in it. The meter showed 1/8th tank...but yeah, still nothing. So I put it in neutral, pushed my Poor Man's Maybach to an angle so that the remaining gas would flow into the fuel injector...and luckily that worked...and even more luckily, I made it to the nearest gas station. See? That could've really ruined my day...but I calmly and collectively thought it through...and voila, I made it home safe & sound. Oh...and my stepsister Brenda gave me a bottle of vodka as a Bon Voyage present...and a sweet little letter suggesting that I not drink it all in one sitting. I was thinking about it...but I was too angry & frustrated...and I don't drink when that's the case. Which is another reason why I really hope this is all squared away by Saturday...because I plan on getting a little tipsy. Anyway, enough about the BS that is my career...here's some tasty news bits...
Mister Clean Dies - House Peters Jr., a TV actor who became the original Mr. Clean in Proctor & Gamble's commercials for household cleaners, died Wednesday at the age of 92. Peters died of pneumonia at the Motion Picture and Television Fund Hospital in Los Angeles. Peters' most memorable role came as Mr. Clean, the muscular man with a bald head, a hoop earring and a no-nonsense attitude toward dirt and grime. From the late 1950s and into the early 1960s, Peters Jr. helped advertise the famous household cleaner with the trademark jingle, "Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean." He played many supporting roles through his career, including working with Roy Rogers and Gene Autry on their television shows. He also appeared in "Perry Mason," "Gunsmoke," "The Twilight Zone" and "Lassie." Peters Jr. was never a leading man, but played many character parts in cowboy movies and won a Golden Boot Award in 2000 for his lifetime contributions to the western genre. My condolences to his wife Lucy, daughter, two sons, and four grandchildren.
World's Heaviest Man Engaged - Manuel Uribe says he will wed longtime girlfriend Claudia Solis on Oct. 26 in Monterrey, Mexico. The two will be married in a civil ceremony at a location still to be decided. Uribe is unable to walk, and leaving his house means being towed through the streets on his specially made bed. Remember a few months ago when I mentioned his leaving the house to go on a date? This year the Guinness Book of World Records declared Uribe, who tipped the scales at 1,230 pounds in 2006, the world's heaviest man. The 43-year-old has shed about 550 pounds since with the help of his girlfriend. The two met four years ago. Uribe said Wednesday he will have a bite of wedding cake for photos, but won't eat any more because his diet prohibits it. Say what you will, I think this is about the cutest f**king story that I've ever heard...and I wish them nothing but the best. That being said, I did think about Jabba the Hutt smooching Princess Leia when I first saw the picture. I'm sorry. It was a natural reaction. Does that make me a racist...or fatist or something? Still I honestly you guys nothing but the best. It's really an inspirational story. I mean...losing 550 pounds (that's THREE people y'all) because of the Love for your girlfriend. If you can do that, you can do anything. God bless you two!!!
Mob Museum in Vegas - My sultry mistress Las Vegas hopes that it newest museum will be a hit (rimshot). The city is opening The (redacted) Museum: The Las Vegas Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement, which will showcase southern Nevada's colorful and storied past in organized crime. The City Council unveiled the name Tuesday, along with logos resembling court documents with material blacked out. The first redaction obscures the word "mob." "I don't think anybody is able to do tongue-in-cheek the way Las Vegas can do it," said Mayor Oscar Goodman, a former criminal defense lawyer who represented organized crime figures before representing residents in City Hall. The museum is expected to open in spring 2010 in downtown Las Vegas at the site of the former federal courthouse where Goodman tried his first case. As city officials unveiled the plans, council members tossed around T-shirts that said: "There is no such thing as a mob museum nor have I ever been there." Clever. Officials say the museum won't glorify organized crime, but instead will give a candid look at its influence on Las Vegas, how law enforcers worked to extract illegal influences from gambling, how mob operations in cities around the country were connected and famous hearings on organized crime. The city believes the museum could draw as many as 800,000 visitors each year and is part of an attempt to revitalize downtown Las Vegas.
However, here's the thing. The mob theme was picked after a poll of 300 tourists showed more than 70 percent ranking the idea among its top three concepts. Other options included a behind-the-scenes look at gambling, a museum on magic or a museum dedicated to Las Vegas icons such as Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley. That's right. There could have been a museum about Elvis, Magic, Sinatra, or even Gambling instead of a mob museum...but because a few tourists saw a few Scorsese movies and think that gambling, magic, and Elvis' hips are the work of the Devil, they decided to have a museum about organized crime (which Sinatra may or may not be involved with). Still sounds like a pretty cool museum and all...but when the alternative is Elvis, how can you go against the King?
When Bribery Goes Wrong - Joy Sartin claimed she kept her money in her bra because she didn't have her purse with her, and she was only offering to pay a traffic ticket with it. A jury, however, decided the 25-year-old lingerie model was trying to bribe a police officer who had stopped her for rolling through a stop sign and other traffic infractions. Portland police Officer Cody Berne testified that Sartin offered him $270 she withdrew from her bra when he explained her car would be towed because her license had been suspended for drunken driving. Sartin claimed she was just in a hurry to get home to her 4-year-old son after work. Now, with a former police officer father, I have heard me a few stories similar to this in my day...and all I can say is, Officer Berne was probably one of those tourists that voted for the Mob Museum in Vegas. Either that...or he knew that his partner in the squad car would've reported him...or maybe his response when the money was pulled out of her bra was "And then...?" "And then what?" "You'll give me that money...and then...?" "Drive away?" "EHHHH!!! Wrong answer. Sign here please." Don't judge me. That's among the MANY reasons I'm not a cop.
(Yet another deep sigh...) Okay, so this whole Denver job thing is basically getting ridiculous, I'm truly sorry to report. I worked early yesterday...and I was a little worried when Boss Lady J came up to me...and let me know that despite my re-reapplying on Wednesday, I would have to re-re-reapply again. Okay, done. She & Boss Man B were going to help track progress and keep me posted as I worked. Cool beans. Stuff might get done now that they're involved. Apparently, the process is that my current HR department would get some kind of update in their system that I applied...then they would pass the info along to HR in Denver...and then I would have to have another interview from corporate headquarters...and that usually takes about three business days to set up...and it was nearing the end of this business day quickly...and then, do I have the job and this is just a formality? If I bomb the interview somehow, am I no longer getting the job? Today's my last day. Am I going to be unemployed while all this bureaucratic BS goes through? Even after all that, I still had questions about where I was going to be staying while I'm there looking for an apartment...and whether they'd be helping out...but then again, according to their info, I STILL hadn't even APPLIED for the job that I was OFFERED & ACCEPTED nearly a WEEK AGO...allegedly (they used "officially" but it's basically the same principle). So yeah...at the end of the day, apparently it hadn't even moved past MY CURRENT HR in the 8 hour workday. Maybe this is just some flaw in the overly-automated HR system (not the first time it has happened as mentioned before). I mean...do I have to drive to Denver and type my information into their system? Does anybody else see the flaws in this? Maybe it's a sign...and I should reconsider Denver. Maybe God just hates me for some reason. Couldn't imagine why. Maybe I'm squandering my talent...and wasting it on trying to work...when I should just be out repopulating the world and wandering the land...like Doogie Howser in the "Harold & Kumar" movies. Who knows? HOPEFULLY, I'll find out in the next few days...because otherwise it could get really awkward if I just casually show up to work in Denver on Wednesday.
If that wasn't enough, I walked out of work (apparently not quite officially my last day yet...since it may be a few weeks before HR does their job) and I go to start my car...and it turns...but it's like there's no gas in it. The meter showed 1/8th tank...but yeah, still nothing. So I put it in neutral, pushed my Poor Man's Maybach to an angle so that the remaining gas would flow into the fuel injector...and luckily that worked...and even more luckily, I made it to the nearest gas station. See? That could've really ruined my day...but I calmly and collectively thought it through...and voila, I made it home safe & sound. Oh...and my stepsister Brenda gave me a bottle of vodka as a Bon Voyage present...and a sweet little letter suggesting that I not drink it all in one sitting. I was thinking about it...but I was too angry & frustrated...and I don't drink when that's the case. Which is another reason why I really hope this is all squared away by Saturday...because I plan on getting a little tipsy. Anyway, enough about the BS that is my career...here's some tasty news bits...
Mister Clean Dies - House Peters Jr., a TV actor who became the original Mr. Clean in Proctor & Gamble's commercials for household cleaners, died Wednesday at the age of 92. Peters died of pneumonia at the Motion Picture and Television Fund Hospital in Los Angeles. Peters' most memorable role came as Mr. Clean, the muscular man with a bald head, a hoop earring and a no-nonsense attitude toward dirt and grime. From the late 1950s and into the early 1960s, Peters Jr. helped advertise the famous household cleaner with the trademark jingle, "Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean." He played many supporting roles through his career, including working with Roy Rogers and Gene Autry on their television shows. He also appeared in "Perry Mason," "Gunsmoke," "The Twilight Zone" and "Lassie." Peters Jr. was never a leading man, but played many character parts in cowboy movies and won a Golden Boot Award in 2000 for his lifetime contributions to the western genre. My condolences to his wife Lucy, daughter, two sons, and four grandchildren.
World's Heaviest Man Engaged - Manuel Uribe says he will wed longtime girlfriend Claudia Solis on Oct. 26 in Monterrey, Mexico. The two will be married in a civil ceremony at a location still to be decided. Uribe is unable to walk, and leaving his house means being towed through the streets on his specially made bed. Remember a few months ago when I mentioned his leaving the house to go on a date? This year the Guinness Book of World Records declared Uribe, who tipped the scales at 1,230 pounds in 2006, the world's heaviest man. The 43-year-old has shed about 550 pounds since with the help of his girlfriend. The two met four years ago. Uribe said Wednesday he will have a bite of wedding cake for photos, but won't eat any more because his diet prohibits it. Say what you will, I think this is about the cutest f**king story that I've ever heard...and I wish them nothing but the best. That being said, I did think about Jabba the Hutt smooching Princess Leia when I first saw the picture. I'm sorry. It was a natural reaction. Does that make me a racist...or fatist or something? Still I honestly you guys nothing but the best. It's really an inspirational story. I mean...losing 550 pounds (that's THREE people y'all) because of the Love for your girlfriend. If you can do that, you can do anything. God bless you two!!!
Mob Museum in Vegas - My sultry mistress Las Vegas hopes that it newest museum will be a hit (rimshot). The city is opening The (redacted) Museum: The Las Vegas Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement, which will showcase southern Nevada's colorful and storied past in organized crime. The City Council unveiled the name Tuesday, along with logos resembling court documents with material blacked out. The first redaction obscures the word "mob." "I don't think anybody is able to do tongue-in-cheek the way Las Vegas can do it," said Mayor Oscar Goodman, a former criminal defense lawyer who represented organized crime figures before representing residents in City Hall. The museum is expected to open in spring 2010 in downtown Las Vegas at the site of the former federal courthouse where Goodman tried his first case. As city officials unveiled the plans, council members tossed around T-shirts that said: "There is no such thing as a mob museum nor have I ever been there." Clever. Officials say the museum won't glorify organized crime, but instead will give a candid look at its influence on Las Vegas, how law enforcers worked to extract illegal influences from gambling, how mob operations in cities around the country were connected and famous hearings on organized crime. The city believes the museum could draw as many as 800,000 visitors each year and is part of an attempt to revitalize downtown Las Vegas.
However, here's the thing. The mob theme was picked after a poll of 300 tourists showed more than 70 percent ranking the idea among its top three concepts. Other options included a behind-the-scenes look at gambling, a museum on magic or a museum dedicated to Las Vegas icons such as Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley. That's right. There could have been a museum about Elvis, Magic, Sinatra, or even Gambling instead of a mob museum...but because a few tourists saw a few Scorsese movies and think that gambling, magic, and Elvis' hips are the work of the Devil, they decided to have a museum about organized crime (which Sinatra may or may not be involved with). Still sounds like a pretty cool museum and all...but when the alternative is Elvis, how can you go against the King?
When Bribery Goes Wrong - Joy Sartin claimed she kept her money in her bra because she didn't have her purse with her, and she was only offering to pay a traffic ticket with it. A jury, however, decided the 25-year-old lingerie model was trying to bribe a police officer who had stopped her for rolling through a stop sign and other traffic infractions. Portland police Officer Cody Berne testified that Sartin offered him $270 she withdrew from her bra when he explained her car would be towed because her license had been suspended for drunken driving. Sartin claimed she was just in a hurry to get home to her 4-year-old son after work. Now, with a former police officer father, I have heard me a few stories similar to this in my day...and all I can say is, Officer Berne was probably one of those tourists that voted for the Mob Museum in Vegas. Either that...or he knew that his partner in the squad car would've reported him...or maybe his response when the money was pulled out of her bra was "And then...?" "And then what?" "You'll give me that money...and then...?" "Drive away?" "EHHHH!!! Wrong answer. Sign here please." Don't judge me. That's among the MANY reasons I'm not a cop.Well, I'll keep you all posted on the job...and THERE WILL STILL BE A PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT!!! Have a great day...and I'll see y'all tomorrow.
2 comments:
I need to be a cop! I tend to spend way to much time putting money IN bras...
You and me both, brutha...
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