The Rays Still Beat Steve Irwin

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after blogging, I watched Game 1 of the World Series...and I'm kinda of interested in it, which hasn't happened for YEARS, even decades. I like the Phillies because...well, they are from Philadelphia...as are the the Philadelphia Eagles, Benjamin Franklin, the Cheesesteak, Rocky Balboa, and Bone Junior...all legends of not only America...but the entire world. Then again, I also like the Tampa Bay (DEVIL) Rays...because they're a young team that went from worst (for more than a decade) to first...so it's like a Rocky story of its own. Hell, if Dick Vitale roots for them, you know they have to be awesome, baby! Anyway, game was okay...and a little boring...but most baseball is unless the cops are called. The Phillies won the first game of the best-of-seven series by the score of 3-2. Thus concludes today's sports report (Lilie, JL Clyde, and all the other ladies that don't care for my views or encyclopedic knowledge of useless trivia). Today, I worked. Tomorrow, I work...then fly home for the weekend to move my stuff here...and have some pumpkin cookies that were made especially for me. Yippee!!! And now, the triumphant return of news bits a la Mookie...

Miss Teen Louisiana - As if a teenage Southern Belle beauty queen wouldn't be hot enough...then she had to go and get high and stripped...or her crown. 18-year old Lindsey Evans lost her crown 11 days early after being arrested on charges of leaving a restaurant without paying and carrying marijuana. Evans will have to return her sash and crown, but won't have to return any other prizes or cash equivalents. Bossier City police were called to a Posados Cafe restaurant Saturday evening because a group had left without paying $46.07. The manager had found a pocketbook at the table, and police found Evans' driver's license and about 2 grams of suspected marijuana in it. (What exactly is "suspected marijuana"?) Officers recognized Evans from the photo (in Playboy?) when the group returned for the pocketbook. It's a tragedy...but then again, look at Vanessa Williams. She won Miss America, posed for Playboy, stripped of her crown, started a singing career, a movie career, a TV commercial career, married a basketball player, all that. There's obviously still hope for ya, sweetie. Besides, you're hot...and that goes a long way...maybe too far.

TV Kills!!! - Authorities in southwest Missouri say a TV remote control probably triggered an explosion that destroyed a Christian County home on Tuesday morning. The only person in the home at the time, Cindy Curry, 66, was blown outside but had only minor injuries. Firefighters said it's amazing she survived at all. Curry's husband, Jerry, said he smelled propane gas in the 10-year-old house late Monday...but the smell was gone Tuesday morning, so he went out to have breakfast with friends. His wife then turned on the TV, and Billings Fire Chief Henry Bos (real name...so it really is Chief Bos, which would seem a little redundant) said it appears the remote control ignited propane still in the house. The couple lost two of their dogs and a bird. So you see, your mom was right. TV, though an excellent babysitter, is a killer...and you definitely shouldn't watch more than twelve hours a day.

We've ALL Thought About It - Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash. The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit. Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. (A little morning glory before work?) An officer approached on foot and caught the man in the act (that's why they pay cops). The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released, is being held (probably by a large also-frustrated man) in the Saginaw County Jail. Now, we've ALL thought about it...but this guy actually took the leap and did it. Congratulations isn't the best word...but it's the first word that comes to mind. Just thought that I'd share that little bit with ya.

Blue Bananas - No, not a continuation of the last story. When a banana ripens, it turns yellow - unless you look at it under a black light, in which case, it appears bright blue, a new study has found.The banana's blue glow was discovered by scientists at the University of Innsbruck in Austria and Columbia University in New York, the first team to look for this phenomenon in bananas. The researchers think the coloring is related to the degradation of chlorophyll that occurs as the banana ripens and could aid animals who eat bananas and can see in the ultraviolet range of the spectrumChlorophyll is the green pigment present in plants that allows them to obtain energy from light during photosynthesis. As the banana ripens, the chlorophyll begins to break down - a process called catabolism - and the resulting products are concentrated in the banana peel. Under ultraviolet light, more commonly known as black light, these breakdown products fluoresce, or glow, blue. That's right ladies & gentlemen, there are not one but TWO grant-funded studies...that are running bananas under black lights (possibly while on acid) because they are funded to do so. I need to get me a synopsis made up and get me some grant money...then delegate the research to some geneticists in India...and cash in on the profits. I love America!!!

Anyway, that'll do it for today. It'll be a few days before I write here again...but I just want to let you all know that I miss y'all madly and hope that you enjoy my insane ramblings...because I enjoy bringing them to you...when it best suits me. Have a great weekend everybody!!! Play safe and use protection.