Sunday, August 31, 2008

Doctor Who? Oh, Doctor Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This last day of August 2008 begins with me telling you of a rather entertaining show called "Doctor Who" starring Christopher Eccleston and British hottie Billie Piper (yes, her name's Billie). It was the 2005 BBC remake of the series from the 60's but it was quite entertaining. It's the story of a lovely young woman named Rose who stumbles upon "the Doctor", a mysterious being who is involved in many wonderful adventures. After their first encounter (the pilot) with living plastic mannequins bent on world domination, he offers her the opportunity to join him on his dangerous, mystical journeys through time & space. Of course, she says yes...and the hilarity and excitment continues in a kind of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure meets the X-Files if it were a comedy...and everybody has a British accent...even the aliens. I say check it out if you get the chance.

These Utes Don't Run!!! - The Runnin' Utes of the University of Utah pulled off a mild upset (by comparison to Appalachian State last year) in college football by beating the University of Michigan Wolverines in Ann Arbor by the score of 25-23. U of U quarterback Brian Johnson threw for over 300 yards and kicker Louie Sakoda kicked four field goals, including a 53-yarder in the win. They had up to a 15-point lead going into the last quarter…and Michigan started to come back…but alas, the Utes were victorious…and their dream of a perfect season remains intact. Congratulations!!! On Saturday, the U has its first home game here in Slick City against UNLV (you knew Las Vegas had to be mentioned at least once), so it'll be a foot race between the Runnin' Utes and the Runnin' Rebels.

Hari Puttar & the Poorly Conceived Title - The makers of Bollywood film "Hari Puttar: A Comedy of Terrors," which has prompted a lawsuit by Hollywood studio Warner Bros, say the flick has nothing in common with the Harry Potter movie series. The Hollywood studio, which owns the rights to the boy wizard movies, has taken the Indian producers to court over the film's title, which it says sounds like Harry Potter. COO of the Bollywood studio Munish Purii says, ""Our film bears no resemblance to the Hollywood film Harry Potter and it is a completely different story. Our film has been in the making for quite some time and everyone knew about it. The film-makers have declined to reveal the plot of the Indian movie but US entertainment trade publication the Hollywood Report has said "Hari Puttar" is a comedy that centers on a 10-year-old Indian boy whose family moves to England. According to the film's music director, "Hari is a very common Indian name and Puttar stands for son in English." Of course, the Harry Potter movie franchise has made over four billions dollars just in ticket sales…and who wouldn't want a piece of that? Now for the question on everybody's mind, "What do you think $teve?" My honest opinion is that…are these guys not aware that there's a pornographic film industry that alters (surprisingly little in most cases) popular movie titles to make a buck or two? Sex Trek, Lord of the (edit) Rings, Poon Raider, I’m sure there's even a few like Harry Potter & the Half-Black Chick (sorry, that's from Family Guy). Of course they are…but they're producers for those movies, so they don't care. Yeah, I think it's a little close…and the name can be easily changed I'm sure…but come on now. Do you think that people are going to see "Hari Puttar: A Comedy of Terrors" and be completely outraged when there's no boy wizards flying about? That only happens when you go to see a movie called "Pan's Labyrinth" expecting David Bowie & Muppets…but instead you get subtitles, Spanish Nazis, miscarriages, executions, and the occasional throat slashing…but you still get some cool special effects. When has that ever happened except that one time? Oh yeah, when "Naked Lunch" came out. "I can think of two things wrong with that title."

Diamonds Are Forever - Algordanza, a small company based in Chur, Switzerland uses the ashes of dead people to make diamonds as a permanent memento for their nearest and dearest. And with prices starting at less than 5,000 euros ($7,488), the jewels are not solely the preserve of the jetsetter. Chairman Veit Brimer says, "Some people find it helpful to go to the cemetery and grieve, and they leave their grief in the cemetery. There are some people who, for whatever reason, do not want to have this farewell. Astonishingly these are mainly Christian people. They say: 'Why should I say goodbye? I'll see my husband in 15 years in heaven anyway." The technology for making artificial diamonds was first pioneered by General Electric in the 1950s and mirrors nature by subjecting carbon to huge pressure and temperature. Algordanza (which means "remembrance" in the local language Romansch, spoken in some parts of the Swiss canton of Grisons) is one of a handful of companies offering artificial diamonds that have sprung up as the technology has improved. U.S.-based LifeGem and Britain's Phoenix Diamonds, for example, also offer diamonds made from hair, which contains more carbon than ashes meaning a gem can be created from the hair of a living person, or from someone who has been buried rather than cremated. LifeGem even offers diamonds made from dead pets. So little Fifi can be an accessory to match your outfit…and not as a scarf…but as jewelry. Awesome, right? Didn't think so. For more interesting facts, feel free to check out the link. FYI - 40% of Algordanza's business is done in Japan. I'd still like to be dipped in bronze when I go…some two hundred years from now.

Panda Update - Lun Lun, the giant panda at Zoo Atlanta, went into labor around 1:30 p.m. Saturday when her water broke, officials said. The zoo said she could be in labor for up to 48 hours (Yikes!!!). Heightening zoo officials excitement is the possibility that the panda could give birth to twins. An ultrasound conducted Thursday confirmed one fetus in the right horn of Lun Lun’s uterus, but was not able to see the other side. So there may be a new addition to the panda population on Labor Day (which is kind of ironic if you think about it). The most interesting thing to me in this article though…was that there are four zoos in the U.S. that have pandas. Atlanta, Washington DC, San Diego, and Memphis. Why does that interest me? I went to Memphis last year…and had NO idea they had pandas at their zoo. I've seen San Diego & National Zoo…but have yet to see the Lost City of Atlanta. I'm a little sad that the only panda that I saw in Memphis was a plush doll at Graceland…but oh well, it gives me a reason to go back I guess. Bears, Blues, and Barbecue - The Three B's of Memphis!!! Man, I should be a marketer for that city. Patent Pending!!! Anyway, best of luck Lun Lun. May your twins be as beautiful as the Brangelina twins.

Well, that'll do it for today. I'm going to go hang out with my dad...and he may or may not want to go hang out with my brother and his, family. We shall see. Remember that tomorrow night is going to be yet another Rock Band Party, so feel free to stop by. Have a great Labor Day Weekend everybody!!!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

President Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, yesterday during a text conversation with JL Clyde, she thinks that it'd be a great idea for me to go overseas for a job (instead of the traditional job going overseas). Where, you may be wondering? China because I spent a month there already, like Pandas, could play on the basketball team, and think Asian women are hot…and vice versa. Italy because she knows that I enjoy trying to speak Italian, love the food & culture, and would really really really like to have me an Italian woman. Canada…because they have free healthcare and are nearby, I guess. Oh…and I like pancakes, hockey (ice soccer) and French accents (Quebec). Excellent suggestions all. However, I had concerns. For China, I don't speak the language except for saying hello…and I've already played the charades for food when I was over there…and it didn't turn out well. During my month there, I was almost thrown into a Communist prison TWICE…and I don't exactly blend in there either. For Italy, I have Italian friends who left a wonderful life on the shores of Lake Como because they couldn't get jobs there with their four-year degrees because the job market is already supersaturated…so they live in Ireland now (another good idea but it rains all the time, no wonder they all drink). I wonder if the clumsy yet charming American accent works over there like its Italian counterpart does here in the States. "Scusi, can you…tell me…phona numbah? I call you two hours. We playa hida da canoli. Bellisima." For Canada, I just don't think they'd let me into the country…and I can get pancakes here…hmm, but not Cuban cigars…

Anyway, other nations that I'd consider would be Brazil because…well, it's full of Brazilians, Germany, Austria, Liechtenstein & Switzerland because I speak German (or at least used to) and Spain because…well, it's full of Spanish girls. Then she suggested that I just date an actress who can do many accents…and she may have a point. I mean, I do a pretty good Antonio Benderas…but honestly, a sexy female accent whispering in my ear will beat out free healthcare any day. I could have a torn MCL or something in my knee…and if a beautiful woman with a Spanish accent is there to say, "Ooooh, poor baby. Is you okay? You want me to kiss it better?" "Ugh…si?" "(Kiss) There. All better?" "Actually…yeah. Wow, that's amazing. Heck, I can probably get up and walk on it. OHHHH GOD!!! YEAH, IT'S DEFINITELY TORN." "Oh, I so sorry. I try to help. Here, let's get you to a bed and I make you some paella. Here, have some wine. Is good yes?" "Mmm mmm, that's incredible. You know Esmeralda, if you play your cards right, you could join me in here and we'll both have limps come morning." (Yeah, I know how to talk to the ladies…but it'd be okay because I'd probably never want to leave my bed anyway...and they lived happily ever after) Anyway, here's some news...

A Blonde, Big-Boobed Nessie? - Sweden's own version of the Loch Ness monster, the Storsjoe or Great Lake monster, has been allegedly caught on film by surveillance videos, an association that installed the cameras said Friday. The legend of the Swedish beast has swirled for nearly four centuries with some 200 sightings reported in the lake in central Sweden. "On Thursday at 12:21 pm, we filmed the movements of a live being. And it was not a pike, nor a perch, we're sure of that," Gunnar Nilsson, the head of a shopkeepers' association in Svenstavik, told AFP. The association, together with the Jaemtland province and local municipality of Berg, installed six surveillance cameras in the lake in June, including two underwater devices. The project has so far cost some 400,000 kronor (about $62,500) and is aimed at resolving the mystery of the Swedish Nessie. The first sighting dates back to 1635 and the most recent to July 2007 with most speaking of a long, serpent-like beast with humps, a small cat or dog-like head, and ears or fins pressed against the neck. The association employs one person full-time to review the recorded video footage each day. In the images filmed Thursday and posted on a website dedicated to the Storsjoe monster , a long serpent-like being is seen swimming in the murky waters. Go ahead, check it out. I ugh...I have my opinion. They say however that "a highly-advanced system on one of the cameras detected heat produced by the cells," indicating that it was a live being, Nilsson said. "It's very exciting and quite spectacular." He readily admitted however that the project was also "aimed at improving business around the lake. The monster has helped us." Some 20 more cameras are due to be installed soon, including one at a depth of 30 meters (100 feet) to catch any movements under the winter ice. So go ahead, check out the video…and let me know if you think this is just a marketing farce for a small town in Sweden…like that Bigfoot thing in Georgia a few weeks back.

From Tesla to Intel - Last Thursday, Intel researchers demonstrated how to make a 60-watt light bulb glow from an energy source 3 feet away. They did it while retaining 75 percent of the energy they started with, which is remarkably high efficiency…all using wireless power transmission. Criss Angel & Uncle Fester were nowhere to be found. Now, about a hundred years ago, Nikola Tesla claimed to be able to transmit electricity wirelessly…and I'm sure that you've all seen "The Prestige" or various special on the History Channel about it…but Intel is really looking into it so that eventually they can recharge their laptops or cell phones or other gadgets without plugging them into an electrical socket. The technology makes use of some basic physics, as electric coils that resonate at the same frequency can transmit energy to each other at a distance. One challenge is figuring out how to prevent the electromagnetic field from interfering with the computer's other parts…and how they'd be able to charge you for it. Interesting technology...and the applications are potentially endless. Therefore, it probably causes cancer.

Speaking of electricity, I watched the last half of the movie "Powder" flipping through the channels today. For those of you who haven't seen it, the story is about a shy, kind albino teenager (Sean Patrick Flannery of "Boondock Saints") who goes to school for the first time after his grandmother who raised him dies. Of course, his first school experience is high school (a.k.a. Pick on the funny-looking kid) in the Midwest, so there's that conflict to begin with. Now, he was born during a lightning storm…and his mom was struck by lightning or something (been a while since I saw the first half) so he's…a little different…and incredible intelligence, extremely sensitive, and has the powers of a GOD like lightning bolts, reanimate the dead, see into people's minds, all that kind of cool stuff…but it's not a superhero movie. A local sheriff (Lance Henriksen), his school administrator (Mary Steenbergen) and his physics teacher (Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop) try to help him overcome his teenage angst…and basically, it's a feel good kind of movie revolving around unlocking our potential, seeing people for the wonderful creatures that they are on the inside, and just being great people. I think Einstein said it best (through Goldblum in this movie) when he said, "It has become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity." Anyway, it's a good little flick so check it out if you want. If not, no huge loss. I spent the whole time thinking "What is Jeff Goldblum's appeal? Is it…like a Christopher Walken kind of appeal? Only more irritating? How does he find work? Furthermore, WHY is it so believable that he would actually watch me poop as the picture in Filly's bathroom suggests?"

How NOT to Cut Costs - John Daniel Miller III of Tyler (clap clap clap clap deep in heaaaaart of Texas) is accused of growing marijuana in order to manage his finances. Sheriff's Sgt. Randy Meadows told the Tyler Morning-Telegraph that a tip led officers to some rural property, where several marijuana plants (encircled by old tires) lined the driveway. Deputies confiscated more than 70 plants worth about $100,000. Meadows said Miller told deputies he knew they were coming "sooner or later" and he was cultivating his own marijuana because the cost of buying the illegal substance had gone up. Bail is set at $15,000 (or by my calculations, about ten plants) for the 55-year old man. I admire the guy's spirit in trying to cut his personal expenses…but that's a LOT of pot. I also happen to know that this kind of thing happens all the time in rural areas. I mean...I DID grow up in cow country. Now, I'll admit, I've often thought about dealing in drugs for financial stability. There's a lot of money to be made. If you follow the rules of Scarface & the Ten Crack Commandments there is a definite plus-side…and you don't have to file a W2. However, there's also a downside. For example, when an anonymous (jealous) tipster calls your local police that you knew were coming "sooner or later" and now you have $15,000 in extra expenses. Oh yeah…and the lawyer fees are going to be a pain too. Also, with $100,000 worth, they're going to try to get you on distribution charges…and there's really no contention for that. Sorry dude. You took the big risk, were probably really close to big rewards, and now you're going to a federal prison. That sucks…but you knew it was coming. Hopefully your affairs were in order. For everybody else, there are plenty of other ways to save money…like maybe not smoking. However, that's also like saying not blogging…or not driving a car everyday…or growing your own food…or not having protected sex…and some people just aren't ready to sacrifice those (like THIS GUY). All I can say is…look at options to save money…and make a plan that works for you. If you need help, I'm always here…and I'm sure your other smug friends can help you out too. Don't break the law. We'd miss you too much…and we probably wouldn't be this creative...

Jailbird - Bosnian police have impounded a pigeon after discovering prisoners used it to smuggle drugs into one of the country's highest security jails. "The guards suspected the animal might be involved in drug smuggling once they noticed four prisoners visibly intoxicated shortly after the pigeon landed on a prison window," Zenica prison official Josip Pojavnik told AFP. All four inmates had tested positive for heroin. The drugs had probably been stuffed into tiny bags attached to the legs of the carrier pigeon (much better than what I was thinking), which one of the prisoners had previously been allowed to keep as a pet in his cell. "We suspect that the pigeon carried the drugs from Tuzla," a town about forty miles northeast of Zenica in central Bosnia, he added. The pigeon had been taken into custody by police, who have launched an investigation aimed at identifying those who had loaded it up with the drugs. "We do not know what to do with the pigeon, but for the time being it will remain behind bars." A similar case of carrier pigeons being used by prisoners was reportedly uncovered earlier this year at a jail in Brazil, where the birds were being used to deliver drugs and even mobile telephones. Do you think they're interrogating the pigeon? "WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THE DRUGS FROM??? WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR???" "Coooo…" "DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, YOU SUM'BICH!!! (Pistol drawn from holster) I'LL POP A CAP IN YOUR…" "Wo wo wo Josip, wait outside for a few minutes. Sorry about my partner. Cigarette?" "Cooo…" "No, menthols…but the wife's trying to make me quit. You know how it goes. So…anything you want to share with us about…you know, the heroin?" "Cooo… Cooo..." "See? That wasn't so hard, was it? (Into shoulder mic) Vlad, put out an APB on Radoslav Koo…and we're gonna need some witness protection for the pigeon. Do we have a…cage or something?"

Presidential Race Gets Interesting - So I don't follow politics much…as you may have gathered…but the nomination of Vice Presidents have caught my attention now. So here's the breakdown as I see it. Barack Obama's been doing pretty good. He was in Denver at the Democratic National Convention this week…and a few days before he revealed that Senator Joe Biden is going to be his running mate for the Presidency. Pretty good choice. Allegedly, they were questioning Obama's experience in politics…so they got him a sidekick with plenty of experience and a great track record from Delaware, the First State. Been there. Nice place. So between the two of them, you have the charismatic African-American leader backed by Oprah and the experienced Senator who fits the profile of…well, every President of the United States since 1789, so conservatives don't have to be afraid of "Change We Can Believe In" or whatever the slogan is. Good move.

Then it was Republican candidate John McCain's turn. He's allegedly been behind in the polls…and frankly I could care less because of his mudslinging tactics and all the usual political slander. There were rumors of other seasoned senators that could compliment the areas that he lacked…mostly in appeal with a younger crowd because he's seen as a grumpy old man. Experts had their picks…and then he pulled a MILF out of Alaska…which I though was the one natural resource that the Last Frontier didn't have. Take that experts!!! What compliments an old grumpy former prisoner-of-war born & raised in the heartland of America? How about the lady governor of a state thousands of miles from the continuous 48 and has only been in office for two years…and before that, Governor Sarah Palin was mayor of Wasilla, AK (population 9000). Oh yeah, she had a baby (named Trig) in April too. She's described as "the future of the party" and a "reformer" by McCain…and because I don't follow politics, I know nothing else but what I read in the article. It's an awesome pick…if just to get people's interest.

The way I see it, McCain & Biden kind of cancelled each other out. They very well could have been the Presidential candidates now…so McCain had to find a running mate to go against Obama. Somebody new, different, and has a record of change…and it wouldn't help if it were a first of some kind…like the first African-American or Woman candidate. Since the former was taken, he chose the latter…trying to please the women voters (good luck with that) and maybe get a few Hillary supporters…since she held her own against Obama. At the very least, he has more eye candy to walk around with…like he's the Hugh Hefner of Politics with his wife on one arm…and the feisty hotchuma hotchuma governess young enough to be his daughter on the other. Smooth…

Anyway, I was surprised. Not because he picked Sarah Palin…but because he didn't pick the person I thought that he would. No, not Mitt Romney or that Governor from Minnesota that isn't Jesse Ventura…but you're on the right track. Given his war background…and the Republican values such as the right to bear arms, wealth, power, and owning private aircraft, my guess was that he was going to go with the THIRD actor from a popular 80's sci-fi action movie to break into the political scene. I talking of course about…

Senator Predator!!!

He's a man of few words…but when he talks, people listen. He's an imposing figure, yet has the ability to seemingly blend into the background and become a fly on the wall, learning the skills needed to be a great leader. His foreign policy is questionable…and he's known to be a bit of a hothead…but he's never afraid of confrontation when safety is on the line…and he's always on the cutting edge of utilizing new, experimental, energy-saving technologies. Besides, you wouldn't have to worry about a sex scandal or anything like that. Worst-case, he goes hunting for quail on the weekend and comes back with Cheney strapped to the hood…and I think we could all live with that.

Thus concludes (hopefully) my overview of the Presidential Race for 2008. You may be asking, "$teve, are you going to vote?" Only if I become more informed…otherwise, Senator Predator may get a pointless write-in with Batman as VP (because he's obviously a Republican too) once they work out their differences. "Why do you make fun of these important decisions that we're faced with in the upcoming elections?" Because it's the only way I can keep from crying. Politics are pretty much ridiculous to me…and that's why I may get into them one day…just to observe…and see just how far I can BS my way. Probably not to the top…but mayor is definitely obtainable…maybe even the House of Representatives…yeah, it could happen. Probably not a good idea to give me too much Power though. I'm already mad without it.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Have a great Labor Day Weekend everybody!!! Hopefully you have some fun activities planned...or at least some time to relax or get some things done. Thanks for listening to my rambling...again. Rock the Vote!!!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Twenty Squared

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

This makes my 400th post between this & my original blog (which looks exactly like this one…but that's because I said I'd change it when I move…and all know how that's going, right?). I'm reminded of the tale of Sisyphus at times…trying to push a huge sphere of fecal matter up the hill…so that I can steal fire...but then birds peck out my eyes…I get shot in the ankle with an arrow…and end up married to my mom. It's been a while since I had that Greek Mythology class…but I think that I got all the important details of the story in there. Whatever, positivity time. I'm tired of moping…especially in my virtual reality…as I'm sure that you are.

At work, Becca, Brooklyn, and I ordered some Sam Pan for lunch…so that leads us to the Fortune Cookie of the Day - "Someone is speaking well of you…in bed." Oh, I don't doubt that one bit…but why isn't she doing so in my presence? That's what I want to know. After that, the rest of the night was spent pondering other options besides Vegas that would suit my personal, professional, and sexual needs. I thought of all the things that I was looking for, asked friends living in some of the cities for their opinions and suggestions, all the usual Executive Branch stuff. Some locations were really nice…but REALLY expensive…so I asked if those friends had a basement or garage that I could live in and were looking for a nanny. No dice. Other locations currently have hurricane warnings later in the week and the governor has suggested evacuation. I like being above water. Other still were basically the same situation that I’m already in. Ah well, it's all a matter of time. I'm not worried...just a little frustrated. Besides, some of the sweet ladies at work asked me about it last night and gave me encouragement. There's one lady in particular, Mother Tucker, who's just about the sweetest lady that you'd ever want to meet. She has nothing but good things to say about anybody EVER. She's so sweet that exposure to her may give me diabetes later on in life...but she asked me about it...and I told she gave me a pat on the back and basically said, "It all happens for a reason" and laughed, "Yeah, I know. Thanks." Great people all around me. Anyway, here's some news...

A Deal's a Deal - Some local flavor from the Beehive State, where Davis County Commissioner Alan Hansen found himself kissing a three-year old horse named Reno. How, you may be asking? No, not interspecies erotica (this time) but rather a contest between the Davis Hospital and Medical Center. The rules: Members of the team that lost the most weight got to watch their boss kiss a farm animal. This year, the county employees won — county staffers lost 397.6 pounds, just slightly trimmer than the hospital workers. Hansen missed out when his fellow commissioners locked lips with a cow over the weekend. So on Tuesday, Hansen met Reno on the front steps of the county courthouse and puckered up for what became a quick peck…but not before he slathered on some lip balm and popped a breath mint. He told the mare: "This is more for you than me." I ugh…don't know what to say really about that. At least he kept his end of the bargain, I guess. By the way, I'd like to mention that these are democratically elected official that are kissing farm animals…for the record. Maybe I should run for President someday. I'm just curious what kind of slander or indiscretion of my past would be brought up against me…and then I could BS my way through it. Honestly. I have a stellar record. Then again, that may just be spun into me being some kind of bland, clear-thinking robot like Al Gore or something. Politics are silly. This is even worse than kissing babies though. If they wanted to take it that route, they could have been kissing colts & calves.

Ferocious Puppy - In Wyckoff (sounds dirty), New Jersey, a 15-pound cocker spaniel-poodle mix named Pawlee scared off a mother bear and her two cubs Sunday morning after they strayed into his owners' back yard. Whether his bark was worse than his bite, Pawlee's tactic worked just fine. These three bears got the hint and took off. "We had just let him out for the morning and he ran into the yard and started barking his head off," owner Fran Osiason said. Her 9-year-old son, Jacob, went outside to see what the commotion was about and came running back in to report there were bears in the yard. She was worried that the mother would come after Pawlee to protect her cubs but the pugnacious pup, just 8 months old, had other plans. His barking drove the two cubs up a tree, and they eventually climbed down and hopped over a fence with their mother and retreated into the woods. Osiason marveled at his fearlessness. "He's a little fur ball," she said. He sure is, Fran. He sure is…and that Mama Bear took the high road in not destroying that little chew toy. It's not that I don't like dogs…just itty bitty ones…that bark at things much larger than them just to be irritating…and live to tell the tale…to nobody because they have no friends. That smug sense of self-satisfaction and a newfound cocky attitude…just because the mother didn't want to expose her young cubs to a vicious beat down. Oh well, at least nobody was hurt.

I Kissed A Girl Too - So a few years ago, maybe you heard about Madonna, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera doing that whole girl-on-girl kissing thing at MTV's Video Music Awards. I vaguely remember it (every night…and wonder what happened?) Well this year, Katy Perry is apparently looking for a female celeb to kiss during this year's live telecast of the awards show on September 7th because of her addictive hit "I Kissed a Girl" and get some of that shock value that they need. So who do you think MTV wants to match her up with? Apparently, friend of the blog who has fallen on some hard times this year, Ms. Lindsay Lohan! An alleged source leaked, "Producers are really working hard on it. They'd love it to be Lindsay, and they're actually going to ask." If Ms. Perry can't convince Lindsay though, there's always Tila Tequila! She's a media whore. Reps for Perry and MTV did not comment. Now, let's hear from you: Who do you think Perry should kiss on the big night? Leave your comments below. More importantly…does anybody really care? I mean, I'm all about shameless publicity. I DO have a degree in Marketing…but has the music industry gotten pretty ridiculous to anybody else? (Katy, call me if you're interested…)

Even Jigga's Bailing on Vegas - That was fast. Less than nine months after opening the Vegas version of his 40/40 Club in the Palazzo, rapper & entrepreneur Jay-Z has sold the joint for an undisclosed amount (my guess, a sh*tload but not as much as he was hoping for). There have been reports of problems since the place opened in January 2008. It struggled to open for New Year's Eve after reportedly failing inspection. Disgruntled employees who were fired or resigned also complained to local media shortly after its opening. The space will reportedly be turned into a sports bar by the hotel…but Jigga's not down on his luck. He still plans to open 40/40 Clubs in Chicago, Tokyo and Macau…to go along with New York and Atlantic City, already in progress. It just goes to show…that even Jay-Z is prone to little mistakes…like the "Kingdom Come" album. See? It's all about taking risk though. Maybe Vegas is a risky risk…but with great risk can come great rewards…or at least a few great times before they catch up with you being buried up to your neck in the middle of the desert for flirting with some mobster's girlfriend because you were trying to step out of your comfort zone and started whispering French poetry into a waitress' ear. Okay, so she was a dancer…but it's not like she was wearing a ring…that I could see. Sorry it didn't work out Mr. Carter…but you're still a billionaire married to Beyonce, so I'm sure that you'll get over it fairly quickly. Just remember my tips for little manly breakdowns.

XXX Files - David Duchovny a.k.a. Fox Mulder has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. In a statement released Thursday by his lawyer, Stanton Stein, the actor said he did so voluntarily, adding: "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series "Californication," which earned Emmy nominations for casting and cinematography. The show's second season begins September 28 (shameless plug maybe?). Showtime had no comment Thursday. He has been married to actress Tea Leoni since 1997…and frankly, I can understand the addiction. Talk about taking your work home with ya. I wonder if he brought that up during the interview for "Californication"? "I ugh…think I'd be perfect for this job because…well, I'm a sex addict…so it's not really much of a stretch for me. Did you know that I was abducted by aliens two years before the X-Files pilot? I think we all know how that one turned out…" Mulder, I hope that you are able to overcome your sex addiction…because I have to believe that there's some hope out there for us. I mean…you and all the other addicts out there. Oh, who am I kidding? If I thought about it any more I wouldn't be able to breathe.

Anyway, that'll do it for this 400th edition of the Ecclectic Eccentric Times. I hope that you all have plan for a wonderful weekend with those you Love. Thanks for reading and listening to my nonsensical ramblings about whatever. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease...and this one's for Filly...who is SUCH an X-Files nerd.

That's not going to help, Mulder...but I understand.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Dr. Love & Other Inglorious Bastards

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start off by thanking Alisa for the kind comments last night...and I'll let you know when/if I'm published...either for a self-help book, odd & unusual stories, robotica (robotic erotica), a how-to-make-a-baby panda book (in Mandarin), collection of random thoughts, romantic poetry (oh yeah, I do that too), the complete history of basketball, an article for movie reviews, relationship advice, celebrity gossip (that I may or may not have started just because), illustrated documentation of my world travels, conspiracy theories, dinosaurs, or really anything else that you find on this blog or from my endless gamet of useless knowledge...with a hardback cover. I'll also keep you updated on when I finally make my movie (haven't even looked at the script in almost two years), become a game show host (my eye's on your job, Trebek), or simply my memoirs entitled "$teve Wins Again!!!" (It's a working title)

Last night, I also went to the Belgian Waffle House with JL Clyde & Esther last night for some Garbage Hash...and it was fun (though I was accused of being less than cheerful...but I had a lot going through my noggin...and the long day at work had drained my soul a bit). Afterwards, we watched some TV and because I'm a nerd, we watched "Jurassic Fight Club" starring incredibly cheerful dinosaur researchers like "Dinosaur George" and the episode's combatants, Megalodon (Prehistoric 50 foot Great White Shark) and Brygmophyseter (Moby Dick with T-Rex Teeth) and it was awesome. Sure, it was basically how dolphins kill sharks nowadays...where Megalodon (still sounds like a Transformer to me) would attack and injure a Brygmophyseter, then the wounded whale would send out a distress call to his homies...and they would ram the sides of the shark...and in this time, later rip Megalodon apart. Oh yeah, loves this show. It's gruesome, virtual carnage...with DINOSAURS. You know how I feel about dinosaurs. As mentioned in an admission of my quirks, I would watch a teenage coming-of-age drama starring Hilary long as there's Dinosaurs in it. Can't write that one, Hollywood? Then throw in one of the other nine key plot points required for me to watch your movie.

Also, I'd like to apologize for the downer mood & tone of my posting yesterday...but again, hopefully it helps you out the next time you have a little breakdown. What have I learned from it? Well, nothing has really changed other than the interview has been done...and I'm officially certified as a manager in the company now. Yippee! Also, I'm starting to look into other possibilities besides I may have another Pros & Cons list to share soon...but we shall see. I've already been through this before...and it came out with Sin City at #1 again & again from all different angles...but we shall see. Maybe I do want a little more security than Vegas has to offer at this time. In the meantime, here's some news...Dr. Love style...

Inglorious Bastards Update - The latest news on the upcoming Quentin Tarantino World War II drama "Inglorious Bastards" (due out sometime in the next decade) is that Mike Myers (the comedian, not the quiet killer from the Halloween movies) will play a small role. That's right, Wayne Campbell is going to war. In the film, a band of U.S. soldiers facing death by firing squad for their misdeeds are given a chance to redeem themselves by heading into the perilous no-man's lands of Nazi-occupied France on a suicide mission for the Allies. Sounds like a "Dirty Dozen" style kind of badassery with a Tarantino twist. My prediction for Myers' small role - During a raid in this no-man's land, British military sends in their secret weapon, Austin Powers...and then he's immediately ripped apart by large artillery in the midst of trench warfare. "Yeah, baby!!!" Okay, so that's probably not going to be it at all...but I've seen too many previews for those stupid "Disaster / Epic / Superhero / Date Movie" over the past few years...and it seems like something they would do. By the way, the cast so far for this Tarantino flick (so more than likely an immediate classic) includes Nastassja Kinski ("Diary of a Sex Addict"), Simon Pegg ("Shawn of the Dead"), David Krumholtz (Mr. Universe in "Serenity"), B.J. Novak ("The Office"), Eli Roth (director of "Hostel"), and THE Brad Pitt (I think he was in "True Romance"). Doesn't sounds like a "Saving Private Ryan" lineup (which I still have yet to see besides the first twenty bloody minutes) but I have faith in it. Shooting starts October 13th in where else? Germany...der Bundesrepublik Deutschland.

CHOKE comes out September 26th in theatres. For those who don't know (and big thanks to the Mad Scientist, winner of an Honorable Mention Arte y Pico Award for telling me about this book / movie...and having awesome blogs), "Choke" is based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk ("Fight Club") and tells the story of Victor Mancini (Sam Rockwell), a sex-addicted med-school dropout who works days as an historical reenactor at a Colonial Williamsburg theme park in order to keep his increasingly deranged mother in an expensive private mental hospital. By night, he runs a scam by deliberately choking in upscale restaurants to form parasitic relationships with the wealthy patrons who "save" him. Sounds awesome, right? Trust me, from what the Mad Scientist tells me (because I'm illiterate) the book's even better...and there's no way that they can do some of the stuff described in there on film...even 8 mm film. By the way, today is the 46th birthday of "Fight Club" director David Fincher.

John Woo Sports Film? - Director John Woo ("Face/Off", "Broken Arrow", and "Mission: Impossible - II") told attendees at a Beijing charity dinner recently that he hopes to produce a sports movie. Woo says "I want real athletes to be my lead actors so that we can portray the athlete's spirit accurately." To that effect he thinks that champion hurdler Liu Xiang and multiple gold medalist diver Guo Jingjing fit the bill. Yet his producing partner Terence Chang hasn't heard of such a project and says "it's probably wishful thinking." Indeed Woo's schedule is packed for now with a "Red Cliff" sequel, Chinese Revolution epic "1949", and the Johnny Depp-led graphic novel adaptation "Caliber." Chang and writer Wang Hui-ling are about to begin work on the sixth draft of the script for "1949" and financing is still being raised. I hope this is just a passing thing...because honestly, we already have slow motion replay during sporting events...and we don't need to see doves flying behind them while they're running the hurdles...or watch diving while wearing a trenchcoat and brandishing golden Desert Eagles in each hand. Thanks for the thought about sports movies though. I'm sure even you could do a better table tennis movie than "Balls of Fury" and honor your nation.

Sexbot Update - Many thought that some jobs would never be taken over by robots. Some jobs were just too personal...and needed that human touch. Child rearing was replaced with the invention of television and video games. Writing letters to loved ones has been replaced with electronic mail and emoticons. Even good old proper shagging has been replaced with artificial insemenation, cloning, and...well, there's a lot of adult superstores full of other options. Now, in Indiana, the Da Vinci robotic surgical platform and the technology that sparked a revolutionary change in prostate cancer surgery is proving to be just as effective for use in gynecological surgery. Dr. Kurt Wiese, an obstetrician/gynecologist on staff performed the first gynecological procedures using the da Vinci robot. The hospital purchased the $1.8 million robotic surgical platform in June. Wiese said he has been pleased with the surgical outcomes he has seen. “The procedures I have done using the da Vinci robot have gone exactly as we had hoped they would. The robot worked extremely effectively. Patients experience less blood loss and are able to go home from the hospital two to three days sooner than they would otherwise. When they do go home, they have four band-aids covering four small incisions instead of the large incision that is normally required for such surgeries.” The da Vinci robot has been proven an effective tool in performing hysterectomies, as well as myomectomy, which is the surgical removal of uterine fibroids, and sacrocolpopexy, which is the surgical repair of the pelvic floor. If you blacked out when the big medical words were brought in, basically robots are taking over our jobs of helping to preserve the Holiest of Holies, the vagina. I know. I'm scared too. Our only hope to coexist with the robots is to start breeding with their birth to a race of free-thinking cyborgs with both the brute physical power (maybe a rocket launcher arm) and human compassion & desire...leading to a coup of our eventual robotic overlords...and preserving the next step in human evolution. You see what I did there? I took a medical breakthrough...and turned it into a post-apocolyptic world full of robot sex and possibly starring Christian Bale & Milla Jovovich. That's what I do.

Milla Update - By the way, saw my baby mama on the cover of Lucky magazine while getting a Coke Slurpee at 7-Eleven last night...and it's true, she does get sexier and sexier. She's also on the cover of Cookie magazine (remember my nickname courtesy of Bubbles?) with our lovely daughter Ever. Okay, this is a good time to break one rumor that is...mostly my fault. I don't know how to say this but I... (deep breath) I didn't father a child with Milla Jovovich. Ever (rim shot...because that's her daughter's name)In fact, I've never had unprotected sex with her...or any sex for that matter...or have met her in person...or probably even been in the same state at the same time. I have led you astray and I apologize. It was childish and was done for a few laughs. My sincerest apologies to anybody that I may have offended or slandered in any way. The offer still stands to star in my movie you know, let me know when your schedule's open. Now that you're getting out of the fashion designing business because of the economy and new family life...anyway, I'm sorry...and congratulations on the family. You still look amazing too.

I guess that'll do it for today. I'm just sitting here blabbing away while watching a special on the History Channel about the Presidency of JFK. I multi-task extremely well...but I guess I should focus on ways of turning that into a high-paying career...or several high-paying careers...since I don't have much of a social life to worry about and all. Oh well, everything happens of a reason. Have a great night everybody!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Yeah Well, I Hope Your Babies Look Like Monkeys

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the "big" interview for my manager certification was yesterday. I arrived about 45 minutes early because I was expecting a little more traffic (and I'm like that) and ran into Amelia but she was working so we just said hi and then she texted me afterwards. The guy interviewing before me was Russian (?) so we chatted for about thirty seconds before the conversation ended. The interview itself went great. Two tenured managers asked me questions about my career goals, ambitions, what skills I possessed that'd make me a great leader (ninja skills intrigued them the most), examples where I used these skills as well as others, and all in all, it was just a great little interview. I didn't even have to use what my Italian friends refer to as "Fuffa" to get through it...which is another skill that I neglected to mention on the resume or in the interview. By the way, Fuffa is explained to me as the ability to bullsh* it's breathing. Anybody who has ever talked to me can usually pick up on this...though I mix it well with true sincerity. It's a real gift...and I don't know if it's learned or just something genetic that you're born with...but scientists may find out in due time.

One of the interviewers, I found out, is also big in Vegas as an HR I asked him about my chances down there (or anywhere) and any suggestions that he had for me. Here's the main points...

  1. Go Back to School - Reason being, I have two associate's degrees...but of course everybody's getting bachelor degrees so if I want to stay competitive then I'd better get on that. Besides, education never hurt nobody, right? Basically, it's not enough to know the stuff...but to SHOW that you know the stuff, I guess. The only thing is...I see college as a huge ripoff that only exists as a way for parents of horny teenagers to give lots of money away. Not having my parents pay for ANY of my seven years of college, I just see it as a major waste of money, period. I have two useless pieces of paper hanging on my wall after tens of thousands of dollars spent on stuff that I basically already knew. Pain in the ass. That being said, probably not going to get an honorary degree from anywhere now...but it's just my opinion. Obviously those degrees are coming back to help me out now, right?

  2. Get Experience - Translation: Take a major paycut and start over to get some of that "real world" experience and know-how. Besides, most of your competition is already there and have been for years learning the job that they'd have to spend an hour or so to teach you. In other words, the last ten years of your life have been wasted on working hard and doing the best that you can. You may as well have just done nothing and be in the same position from their standpoint.

  3. Risk - Las Vegas is always changing (part of its appeal) but any move down there is going to involve a LOT of risk as far as job security, restructuring, housing, financial stability, global warming, whatever. Sure, the company may look good now...but in a year, who the hell knows? Just look at my "future employer" from a few months ago. Then again, thanks to trillions of dollars going into foreign wars, outsourcing, technology, and blah blah blah, everybody's job is at risk...just more fluid in vacation places like Las Vegas.

Summary (interpretted by my Noggin) - The interview was great, you're an amazing guy, great resume, very charming & interesting, your managers have nothing but incredible things to say about you...but to have a better chance of actually having a career you're going to have to go back to school full-time (already did seven years of full-time college for those two two-year degrees), while taking a major paycut to start over at the bottom of the company, while moving out on your own to a new environment where anything can happen at any moment...and it's probably going to be bad...because it's a gambling town to begin with and these are gambling times. Oh...and did I mention that you'll be alone? That may be a good thing...because you won't be taking anybody down with you. Oh...and all that masterful working & going to school full-time for the past twelve years or so...doesn't mean diddly doo doo. In fact, it probably hurt you because instead of being loyal to a company that you enjoyed working with, you probably should have moved on a while ago. Nice tie, by the way. Where did you get that? China? You went to China? How was that?

After thanking them for their time and advice, I drove home in a fairly cheerful mood. I had gotten this interview out of the way...and it can only help me now in my search. They'll send information to my managers and myself in the next week...and we'll come up with a strategy or something to get me where I need to go. Awesome. So I get home, send a few text messages to concerned parties, take off my suit, sit down on my bed, and basically break down for about five to ten minutes in mild teary-eyed frustration wondering "What the hell have I done with my life? What could I have done better? What can I do in the future that's feasible? Who the hell are they to tell me to start over? Why does this always happen? What HAVE I been doing the past two years since graduation? Or for that matter the last decade? Nothing? Who gives a sh*t? Has all my work been for nothing? Do I know my sh*t? Why do I feel so alone? What the hell is wrong with me? Why does God hate me? Wah wah wah..." Yeah, it got a little dramatic & ridiculous there at the end. When I have a little manly breakdown though, there's a few key things to remember that help me work it out:

  • Make it quick and painful - Like taking off a band-aid. Get it all out. Cry like a little whipped girly puppy, get that horrible feeling in your throat where you cry and it feels like it's expanding like a bullfrog or something, the fact that I was in my underwear during broad daylight left me feeling especially vulnerable...but it helped get it all out. Picture that one for minute, ladies.

  • Don't drink - It'll only make it worse...and you'll spend the next day vomiting...and that's one of my least favorite things. It's up there with girls crying and blunt object to the groin.

  • Don't break stuff - It'll only piss you off the next day...and the cops stay out of it because the neighbors won't hear you and call it in. Talking to a cop while angry is a great way to meet new friends and have sex with them...but not the kind you want.

  • Talk to a buddy - Via text, phone, email, usually helps to let a good friend or family member know what's on your mind and what you're frustrated about. They do a good job of keeping it in perspective (because they're not directly in it) and helping you out. You know the people that you want to talk to...and whether you want to do it by text or whatever. Note: Talking to your mom will either enrage you beyond what you thought you were capable of...or cause you to continue crying like a whipped puppy for hours. It's just what they do. Fathers not so much...but hopefully you all have good friends out there to talk to.

  • Learn from it - What does this REALLY mean? How can you make it better? Can you make it better? How can you grow from this as a person? What's the moral of the story? What's for dinner?

  • Move on - Might I suggest inviting a few people over for a Rock Band party? That's what I did and it worked splendidly. Oh...and if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, I remember hours of fantastic sex working wonders for my self-esteem after these breakdowns.

  • For God's sake, don't tell anybody else about it!!! - Okay, so I dropped the ball on this one...but hopefully my stupidity helps you out. Yeah, I have a reputation to uphold as that Greek God of a man chiseled out of marble and carrying a mighty trident...but I'm still a tough guy with an imposing figure...and yeah, I have my moments. We all do...or we go postal.

So, long stupid story short, nothing has really changed except that I got certified as a manager. I just had a little fit where all the frustration of the last six months of trying to do something with my life just kind of culminated and I had a Gloomy Gus Day that I guess only lasted a few minutes...but still, now I just have to open my eyes and look for what I'm going to do with my future. Maybe I need to look at a few different cities with a little more stability. Already done San Diego and New Orleans, so maybe Denver a little more...or Northern California...or Rio de Janeiro. Any suggestions? I don't really want to go back to all...but I guess if you're not moving forward, you're falling behind...which pisses me off to no end because school is really f**king pointless and really f**king expensive...especially since I'll probably be taking that paycut. Oh well, positive attitude brings positive results, right? Onward and upward!!!

So yeah, Filly stopped by shortly after and we talked about this and that. She's twitterpated and going to New Orleans for Halloween (which I'll probably go too, if possible) so I basically just sat back and listened...adding funny comments here & there and words of know, the usual. (Sh*t, maybe I should just go into psychiatry. Plenty of possibly-crazy people looking for somebody to talk to out there, that's job security. The question is...can they afford me in these times? Do I really need a degree though? Some of the craziest people I know have degrees in my Aunt Pat) Sorry, tangent thought again. So yeah, she paid me with a Carne Asada Burrito...and JL Clyde showed up later and we played Rock Band...and had Coke Slurpees with Appleton Estate Jamaican Rum, which were non-surprisingly delicious.

Then we watched one of the silliest horror movies of the 90's "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but the one with Renee Zellweger (right after "Jerry Maguire") and Matthew McConaughey (right after "Dazed & Confused") and it's just ridiculous. I had seen it once before...but basically, it's Prom Night in Texas and two couples drive off into the wilderness (never explained exactly why other than they let an angry woman drive). That being said, they get into a wreck and the driver in the other car is hurt pretty they go to get help. Then the craziness ensues. I don't want to spoil anything...but yeah, Leatherface is there with a chainsaw, there's a real estate agent with rockin' tatas that likes to flash the locals, McConaughey has a remote control robotic leg...and is a pretty convincing crazy, and it's just wild & the point of pure enjoyment...for a horror movie. I say check it out...but yeah, don't try to look at it logically or anything. It'll only piss you off.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Sorry for my rambling about being a wuss...but hopefully it helps out for your future meltdowns to know that everybody does it, they just handle it differently. Thanks to everybody out there for listening to me over the course of the evening (Mom, Bubbles, Filly, JL Clyde, Amelia, Lilie, etc.) and don't feel bad if I didn't talk to you about it (Mrs Wingman) because I just got more frustrated the more time that I had to retell it (especially after talking to my mom). See? Even I don't follow my own advice sometimes. Have a great night everybody!!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Nun Of Us Should Feel Alone

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

As mentioned yesterday, I watched a movie…another 80's movie called "Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man" starring Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson…along with Tom Sizemore and Tia Carrere & Vanessa Williams in small yet hot roles. The story is about a nomadic motorcycle rider named Harley Davidson (Rourke) and his buddy, a cowboy born & raised in Las Vegas (Johnson with a scruffy beard) who meet up again after being apart for two years due to…well, their nomadic nature. They find out that a friend's bar is in danger of being taken over by a bank and decide to rob the bank for the $2.5 million needed to save the bar. Along the way, they find out that they're stealing from drug runners (running a new drug called Crystal Dream…which looks like clear blue soap bars) and they're out to kill them & get their money back. There's a few loose love stories involved…and some 80's tough guy moments of longing…but that's basically an attempt to show character development and draw the movie out to full length feature status…but then you remember, "Oh yeah, it's called Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man…and has Mickey Rourke on a motorcycle & Sonny Crockett as a cowboy." It's still an okay 80's movie. It was free on demand and I watched it while doing dishes and picking up around the house. Check it out if you want. You're not missing a whole lot though. It's an 80's action-comedy like "Lethal Weapon", "Beverly Hills Cop", "Die Hard", and all the others that made money…but didn't.

Also on Sunday, apparently the Olympics ended…and the United States had the most medals with China getting their fair share (mostly in judged events…but I'm just saying) and now we can just wait two years for the icy version in Vancouver and four years for the London edition. I enjoyed my fair share of the Olympics (as you might have noticed) but I just have to say…that the announcers kind of sucked. Now, I realize that they have to keep talking at all times, otherwise they prove that they're not necessarily needed (especially three or four at a time) but I'd like to have at least one of the announcers be somebody with...let's say, a soul. Maybe soul isn't the right word. Personality, we'll go with that. "It's a do-or-die moment for them. This is what it all boils down to." No kidding! It's the Olympics. They only get one shot every four years. Just ask Lolo Jones (heartbreaking). I know they're supposed to be impartial and observant and document what they see in a context befitting that of a news anchor or something…but what if that's not what I want. What if I want somebody to say "BULLSH*T!!!" instead of "Hmm, that was a questionable score from the judges" or "I don't care what you say, that chick's twelve years old AT MOST" instead of "There has been some controversy that perhaps some of the athletes from the People's Republic of China may be underage…" I do like it when an announcer says something like "Look at the way the Speedos fit. There was some controversy about that heading into the games" or "She has a very long, slender, athletic look about her which the judges like" or "Her form greatly effects her splash at the end of the dive" but couldn't they just say, "Check out that guy's package" or "She's a skinny 5'2" where all these other pre-teens are stocky four-footers" or "I'd hate to say it, but those rockin' tatas are gonna hurt her…at least during the competition." Oh the moments watching Rhythmic Gymnastics and watching five identical athletic girls play with whips or balls or whatever, show off their grace & incredible flexibility, and work as a team...and think out loud "Man, if these girls were 18, this'd be really hot." Oh well, I guess I'll just have to settle for conversation with family & friends within earshot. Bye bye Olympics!!! You were fun while you lasted…now for some other important world news. Where to begin? The collapse of government in Pakistan, Zimbabwe, Iraq, and possibly America? The Invasion of Georgia by Mother Russia? Genocide in Mother Afrika?

American Idol Adds a Judge - Now, I don't watch American Idol…but I know that the judges are Paula Abdul (still funny to me), Randy Jackson (of the Jackson 5?), and Simon Cowell (who can even make a British accent a bad thing) but now there's going to be a new addition to the Emotional Wash-up, the Black Guy, and the Brit Prick, Welcome Grammy-nominated songwriter Kara DioGuardi a.k.a. the Hippie Chick? Okay, so she's really a pop songwriter for the likes of Gwen Stefani, Kylie Minogue, and others...but I honestly have no idea who this lady is…and frankly, I don't care because I still don't plan on watching it…but this is what people are talking about…so here it is. I'm told that she's perky and fun by the Media...but I don't trust them. Best of luck to you, Kara!!! May you not become the next Dunkelman…and Paula, you had a great run. Enjoy your retirement next year.

New Dancing with the Stars Lineup - Well, the new "celebrities" have been announced for the next season of Dancing with the Stars. Now, my prediction didn't come true last season (more of a hopeful dream) but this season includes the likes of Toni Braxton (who still makes me high…and has a show at the Flamingo), Lance Bass (first gay astronaut?), Susan Lucci (soap star), Ted McGinley ("Revenge of the Nerds" & Jefferson D'Arcy on "Married with Children"), Cloris Leachman (80-something year old comedian…but still hilarious), Jeffrey Ross (another comedian usually on those Comedy Central Roasts), football player Warren Sapp, volleyballer Misty May-Treanor, sprinter Maurice Greene, chef Rocco DiSpirito, Cody Linley ("Hannah Montana"), and the real reasons to watch…superhotties Brooke Burke (playboy & E!) & Kim Kardashian (of sex tape fame). Not a bad lineup (except for the comedians) but my prediction - Kim Kardashian wins…and f**ks her dancing partner. Is it because I think she's the most talented? Of course not. I just know what the viewers like…and they can't get enough of that ass.

Miss Sister 2008 - Now for a pageant that I would watch. An Italian priest and theologian said Sunday he is organizing an online beauty pageant for nuns to give them more visibility within the Catholic Church and to fight the stereotype that they are all old and dour. The "Miss Sister 2008" contest will start in September on a blog run by the Rev. Antonio Rungi and will give nuns from around the world a chance to showcase their work and their image. "Nuns are a bit excluded, they are a bit marginalized in ecclesiastical life. This will be an occasion to make their contribution more visible." Rungi, a theologian and schoolteacher from the Naples area, said that visitors to his site will have a month to "vote for the nun they consider a model." Nuns will fill out a profile including information about their life and vocation as well as a photograph. It will be up to them to choose whether to pose with the traditional veil or with their heads uncovered. "We are not going to parade nuns in bathing suits...but being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it." Rungi said the idea was first suggested to him by nuns with whom he regularly prays and works. He hopes there will be dozens of submissions once the Web site is started. The contest drew criticism from the association of Catholic teachers (sarcastic gasp). "It's an initiative that belittles the role of nuns who have dedicated themselves to God," the group's president, Alberto Giannino, told Italy's ANSA news agency on Sunday.

I like the cut of Reverend Rungi's jib. In my humble opinion, a Holy Man can't be a Holy Man without appreciating the work of the Holy Father. I'm obviously curious about how this website is going to turn out…but not because I want to see nuns in their swimsuits (that's beside the point) but because it's a chance for these recluse women to get out there and know that (possible sexual deviant and/or virgin) men & women around the globe are checking on them…and they have that (wireless internet) connection to the outside world. As for the opposition, I can see their point too…because these women are supposed to be recluse…and cut off from the world…and basically pray all day and do God's work…but isn't it a great way to expose the devout Christian lifestyle to the world…and show that though these women are cut off from the world, they're still women…and have souls…and dreams…and passion…and ambition…and have basically given their lives to the service of the Lord for His Glory? I've always been interested what a blog of somebody like that would be like…whether it's a hot Fritalian nun, a Tibetan monk, a missionary in Vanuatu, a hermit on a mystical journey in the woods (though probably no internet service), or an Apache shaman. Spirituality interests me to no end. People fascinate me. So people completely immersed in spirituality would be thoroughly enthralling to me. Granted, I'm sure that somebody trying to find spiritual creaminess isn't sitting at a computer a few hours a day…but still, this could be interesting. Worst-case, I get to see some lovely, well-mannered Fritalians with goals, strong moral values, and a steady career that she loves. What's not to like about that? Maybe instead of eHarmony, I could to eTrinity or something and move to Italy. I'm sure they'd LOVE to have me on their basketball team. I mean…I've seen "Life if Beautiful" like a dozen times, that's all I'll ever need to have a conversation. "Bon giorno principessa!!!" and I don't know the Italian yet…but I love his confessional rant about how he wants to make love to her constantly…because I'm always wanting to say stuff like that…but it's creepy in English for some reason. Also, I have JL Clyde's Italian Pick-Up Lines from my European trip last year to study. It could work…well. At the very least, they're intrigued by my quirky Canadian charm (because Americans apparently are frowned upon in Europe, eh?) and lengthy yet solid build. By the way, today would have been Mother Teresa's 98th birthday. Just thought that I'd throw that in there for ya.

Speaking of JL Clyde, she stopped by last night and we spent a few hours watching the first season of "Fraggle Rock" and I forgot how much those little guys sing...about everything. Oh to spontaneously spring into song and have it make sense to somebody other than yourself. That would be awesome. I would highly recommend the adventures of Gobo, Wembley, Mokey, Red, Boober, Uncle Traveling Matt, the Doozers, the Gorgs, Convincing John, Sprocket the dog, the All-Knowing Trash Heap, the King & Queen of the Universe, and all the rest to anybody...but especially those with children. People will make less fun of you if you use them as an excuse to watch those kinds of shows. Check 'em out.

Well, today is the "big" interview that I guess will determine whether I'll be a manager one day or not. Do I feel pressure? Not really. I'm extremely confident in my abilities...and I know that everything happens for a reason (Right, Lilie?) so I've even set up a quick little get-together with friends tonight to celebrate my impending masterpiece of an interview. I may give you details of it tomorrow...but it'll probably be really boring, so we'll see. Until then, I'm actually just kicking back watching specials about dinosaurs on the History Channel. I have to check out the Utah Museum of Natural History now to see some of these crazy dinosaurs that I've never heard of like Therezinosaurus...which is like a Raptor...but with GIANT claws on its hands too...and a pot belly. Anyway, google it or visit your local museum yourself. Those kinds of places are fun to me...but I'm a bit of a nerd...a sweet, charming nerd.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Be sure to stop by my little celebratory get-together tonight if you're not doing anything. You all know the digits. Filly, JL Clyde, Lis, D, and even little Crosby have already RSVP'd and many more are surely on the way (delusion). It's gonna be fun. Talk to you tomorrow with details about...well, whatever interests me at the time. Have a great night everybody!!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Republic of a Man's Mind

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Republic of a Man's Mind - Yesterday, I was talking with Lilie about her abundant job opportunities again...and after a while she asked me why decision making was so difficult for her. I have a theory about this kind of thing...and have had so for a long time, so I shared it with her. Now, I know for me...when it comes to decision making on a HUGE long term thing (like moving or changing careers after a while or whatever), my mind basically boils down to three separate branches of the decision making system.

Executive Branch - The Brain - I'll weigh the pros & cons, do a LOT of research, think about it almost obsessively to no end, do a cost-benefits analysis, SWOT analysis if needed, look at many different options, even make up a few theoretical ones to test it out, ask around to get other people's opinions & feedback, ask professionals, ask friends, ask family, ask total strangers, ask pets, ask Jeeves, and then go from there. Logically, realistically, is it a good decision?

Legislative Branch - The Heart - Does it meet my moral code? Is it the right thing to do? Will I be able to live with myself after doing it? Will others be able to live with me after doing it? Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror...and not have to lie to myself to make me feel better about it? Who else is affected by my decisions? How so? Is it selfish or for the greater good? Do I really care if it's selfish or not? Basically just a reality check to see if the logical decision is really "right" or just correct. This is also the area where emotions come in and can really mess things up. Love, Passion, Anger, Revenge, Jealousy, Sadness, Depression, Fear, Hate, Happiness, Desperation, Frustration, Courage, Loyalty, all that stuff weighs in...and can be great for fueling your decision...but all the fuel in the world can't lead you to the right place if you don't know the direction.

Judicial Branch - The Wang - This is what most people consider the "Gut Feeling" but I eat a lot of spicy foods so I don't rely on my stomach nearly as much as my Legacy. I's kind of an instinctual, spiritual, personal, sexual relationship that we have...because that's where my future generations are coming from. Why would he lead me wrong? He wants what's best for me. Besides, sensations from there usually travel through the stomach, right? Anyway, if I've come to a decision...and I'm a little confused between the logical choice and the moral issues...or more often, similar logical choices that I've decided on...then I'll go with that gut feeling...from my pants. You may be wondering, "I've gone over all this stuff...but I still feel uneasy about it? Why?" Maybe it's some kind of supernatural force giving you a nudge a certain way, maybe it's a call to do more research and educate your decision, maybe you shouldn't have trusted that undercooked bacon on your burger, whatever it may be, this is kind of the last checkpoint to see if you REALLY should do it. I'm not going to lie, the Wang (or gut or whatever) can mislead you...but so can everything else. That's the thing about decision making. You can just know that you made the best decision that it seemed like at the time...and go from there.

Basically, you can think about it all you want...and believe me, I think too much and I know it...but you may be torn in different directions for whatever reason. Your friends & family are there for you (and if not, talk to me, I'm allegedly a great listener) but when it boils down to it, your decision is going to be your don't deny those instincts that creep up every once in a while. Please, whatever you do, don't choose NOT to do something because you think that you're going to fail. You should never have that image during the decision making process. Yes, I know it's entirely optimistic...but if you're already thinking like that, then it's going to seriously alter your decision making process. Have confidence in your abilities...and if you've researched properly, then you'll realize that you can do anything that you want to do and put your mind to. Anyway, that's really the simple process by which I think that a lot of men think...but then again, I may be complicating it entirely too much. Like I said, I think too much...but personally, this is what it boils down to.

Example of My Practice - Las Vegas, Nevada

Executive Decision - Now, I've bored you to death over the past few months with my Pros & Cons lists, my friends' Pros & Cons lists, comparisons to other possible cities & areas from San Diego to New Orleans to Germany, tales of my investigational trips to Las Vegas, perspectives from both my eccentric fun side and logical side as a place of living, a Movie List (which I know I haven't done in a while), how Nicolas Cage must own stock in Vegas (even the preview for his new "Bangkok Dangerous" had neon, I noticed), even tales of the economy (which in my target areas has fallen on some hard times since March), and even stuff that I haven't mentioned on this blog include searching for living quarters, grocery stores, good neighborhoods, freeway conditions, and all the usual stuff that people look into when they're looking to that part has been done...and it still appears to be a great idea...but just slightly altered from the original search because my "future employer" from March may not be as financially stable as anticipated...but they're not the only game in town by any means.

Legislative Decision - No real objections to the moral code other than I'll obviously have to watch myself with regards to addictions like drugs, alcohol, gambling, women, video games, selfishness, television, and all the usual stuff...but I do that here in Utah pretty well. The main concern here is that I'll be moving away from my family, friends, coworkers, casual acquaintances, doorbell ringing neighbor kids, the chicks that cut my hair, and all the other people that I know. I will be on my own. Does this frighten me? Not to the point of pee-pee scared because I'm a big boy...but yeah, it does a little. How do I overcome that concern? They'll visit me in Vegas. They'll do it gladly. I know this. They'll send me emails, text messages, voicemails, maybe even write me a handwritten letter because they know that I'd appreciate it...and write them back something optimistic, light-hearted, hilarious, and at the very least - interesting. (Delusion helps) Also, there are millions of people there in Las Vegas too...and though I only know a few right now (Bubbles, Barb, Keanna, HT, etc) when I'm actually there, I'll meet many wonderful new people who will have the pleasure of my company. So the that it's a good idea. Is it the best decision? No way to tell. Is it a selfish decision? A little bit...but it meets my moral code and the people that care about me understand...and are supportive...even if they'd rather spend time with me in town (like the last six months since I first voiced this decision). I'm always there for my peeps.

Judicial Decision - Obviously, the Wang loves the decision of going to Las Vegas. Good memories from past visits, Crazy Girls, Crazy Horse II, lots of heat, lots of pools, lots of swimsuits, international selection of women to choose from, flights going in & out filled with crazy girls looking for good times & weekend flings, instant gratification is a way of life, so the constant potential for excitement makes me tingle all over...but that's not the only reason. The city is always moving, changing, transforming, adapting, flowing, rushing, altering, fluctuating, like a metamorphic amiable chameleon. Now, that can be frightening if you're looking for stability and monotony...but if you have confidence in your abilities and you're looking for new things, gaining new perspectives, wonderful experiences, Passion, testing your metal and skills, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and basically igniting that fire that you've been longing for...then it's an exciting adventure...and you'll surely be entertained during your journey...with your friends, family, and coworkers behind you. That being said, I'd be a fool not to do it, right?

I think so too. That's why I've been trying to do it...but not rushing the decision. I don't want to settle. I want what I deserve damnit. An opportunity to advance my life, my career, my goals, my self, and after a long time continually trying to better myself, I feel like it's time for me to do it...and I think that this journey is going to lead to Las Vegas, Nevada...but when, how, and all the other details will be revealed in due time...because everything happens for a reason. Why haven't I made it there yet? Sure, you can say it's because the economy has restricted and/or eliminated jobs of those already living there, along with the usual progression of technology eliminating the need for blackjack dealers, bartenders, and other people's livelihoods, or that my refusal to settle has kept me from just going down there with a satchel on my back and braving the 120 degree heat to just be down there, or it could just's not my time yet. Maybe I'm not ready for Vegas. Maybe Vegas isn't ready for me. Maybe my future doesn't hold Vegas in it at all (unlikely...but possible). That's why decision making can be so tough for some...because there's so many possibilities...but whatever you decide, go at it whole-headedly, whole-heartedly, and whole...well, just whole-bodied in general for the best results.

By the way, if anybody else has different thought processes, I'd be incredibly intrigued to hear about them. Even if it's just the whole "What's in it for me?" approach...or my flip a coin / dance off / Catapult method. Everybody's unique...and that's what makes us great & interesting.

Well, I've rambled on enough today. As for what happened yesterday, I watched a silly movie and did laundry, dishes, etc. Nothing exciting, I know...but I'll tell you about the movie tomorrow or something. Have a great day everybody!!!

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