Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
This makes my 400th post between this & my original blog (which looks exactly like this one…but that's because I said I'd change it when I move…and all know how that's going, right?). I'm reminded of the tale of Sisyphus at times…trying to push a huge sphere of fecal matter up the hill…so that I can steal fire...but then birds peck out my eyes…I get shot in the ankle with an arrow…and end up married to my mom. It's been a while since I had that Greek Mythology class…but I think that I got all the important details of the story in there. Whatever, positivity time. I'm tired of moping…especially in my virtual reality…as I'm sure that you are.
At work, Becca, Brooklyn, and I ordered some Sam Pan for lunch…so that leads us to the Fortune Cookie of the Day - "Someone is speaking well of you…in bed." Oh, I don't doubt that one bit…but why isn't she doing so in my presence? That's what I want to know. After that, the rest of the night was spent pondering other options besides Vegas that would suit my personal, professional, and sexual needs. I thought of all the things that I was looking for, asked friends living in some of the cities for their opinions and suggestions, all the usual Executive Branch stuff. Some locations were really nice…but REALLY expensive…so I asked if those friends had a basement or garage that I could live in and were looking for a nanny. No dice. Other locations currently have hurricane warnings later in the week and the governor has suggested evacuation. I like being above water. Other still were basically the same situation that I’m already in. Ah well, it's all a matter of time. I'm not worried...just a little frustrated. Besides, some of the sweet ladies at work asked me about it last night and gave me encouragement. There's one lady in particular, Mother Tucker, who's just about the sweetest lady that you'd ever want to meet. She has nothing but good things to say about anybody EVER. She's so sweet that exposure to her may give me diabetes later on in life...but she asked me about it...and I told her...so she gave me a pat on the back and basically said, "It all happens for a reason" and laughed, "Yeah, I know. Thanks." Great people all around me. Anyway, here's some news...
A Deal's a Deal - Some local flavor from the Beehive State, where Davis County Commissioner Alan Hansen found himself kissing a three-year old horse named Reno. How, you may be asking? No, not interspecies erotica (this time) but rather a contest between the Davis Hospital and Medical Center. The rules: Members of the team that lost the most weight got to watch their boss kiss a farm animal. This year, the county employees won — county staffers lost 397.6 pounds, just slightly trimmer than the hospital workers. Hansen missed out when his fellow commissioners locked lips with a cow over the weekend. So on Tuesday, Hansen met Reno on the front steps of the county courthouse and puckered up for what became a quick peck…but not before he slathered on some lip balm and popped a breath mint. He told the mare: "This is more for you than me." I ugh…don't know what to say really about that. At least he kept his end of the bargain, I guess. By the way, I'd like to mention that these are democratically elected official that are kissing farm animals…for the record. Maybe I should run for President someday. I'm just curious what kind of slander or indiscretion of my past would be brought up against me…and then I could BS my way through it. Honestly. I have a stellar record. Then again, that may just be spun into me being some kind of bland, clear-thinking robot like Al Gore or something. Politics are silly. This is even worse than kissing babies though. If they wanted to take it that route, they could have been kissing colts & calves.
Ferocious Puppy - In Wyckoff (sounds dirty), New Jersey, a 15-pound cocker spaniel-poodle mix named Pawlee scared off a mother bear and her two cubs Sunday morning after they strayed into his owners' back yard. Whether his bark was worse than his bite, Pawlee's tactic worked just fine. These three bears got the hint and took off. "We had just let him out for the morning and he ran into the yard and started barking his head off," owner Fran Osiason said. Her 9-year-old son, Jacob, went outside to see what the commotion was about and came running back in to report there were bears in the yard. She was worried that the mother would come after Pawlee to protect her cubs but the pugnacious pup, just 8 months old, had other plans. His barking drove the two cubs up a tree, and they eventually climbed down and hopped over a fence with their mother and retreated into the woods. Osiason marveled at his fearlessness. "He's a little fur ball," she said. He sure is, Fran. He sure is…and that Mama Bear took the high road in not destroying that little chew toy. It's not that I don't like dogs…just itty bitty ones…that bark at things much larger than them just to be irritating…and live to tell the tale…to nobody because they have no friends. That smug sense of self-satisfaction and a newfound cocky attitude…just because the mother didn't want to expose her young cubs to a vicious beat down. Oh well, at least nobody was hurt.
I Kissed A Girl Too - So a few years ago, maybe you heard about Madonna, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera doing that whole girl-on-girl kissing thing at MTV's Video Music Awards. I vaguely remember it (every night…and wonder what happened?) Well this year, Katy Perry is apparently looking for a female celeb to kiss during this year's live telecast of the awards show on September 7th because of her addictive hit "I Kissed a Girl" and get some of that shock value that they need. So who do you think MTV wants to match her up with? Apparently, friend of the blog who has fallen on some hard times this year, Ms. Lindsay Lohan! An alleged source leaked, "Producers are really working hard on it. They'd love it to be Lindsay, and they're actually going to ask." If Ms. Perry can't convince Lindsay though, there's always Tila Tequila! She's a media whore. Reps for Perry and MTV did not comment. Now, let's hear from you: Who do you think Perry should kiss on the big night? Leave your comments below. More importantly…does anybody really care? I mean, I'm all about shameless publicity. I DO have a degree in Marketing…but has the music industry gotten pretty ridiculous to anybody else? (Katy, call me if you're interested…)
Even Jigga's Bailing on Vegas - That was fast. Less than nine months after opening the Vegas version of his 40/40 Club in the Palazzo, rapper & entrepreneur Jay-Z has sold the joint for an undisclosed amount (my guess, a sh*tload but not as much as he was hoping for). There have been reports of problems since the place opened in January 2008. It struggled to open for New Year's Eve after reportedly failing inspection. Disgruntled employees who were fired or resigned also complained to local media shortly after its opening. The space will reportedly be turned into a sports bar by the hotel…but Jigga's not down on his luck. He still plans to open 40/40 Clubs in Chicago, Tokyo and Macau…to go along with New York and Atlantic City, already in progress. It just goes to show…that even Jay-Z is prone to little mistakes…like the "Kingdom Come" album. See? It's all about taking risk though. Maybe Vegas is a risky risk…but with great risk can come great rewards…or at least a few great times before they catch up with you being buried up to your neck in the middle of the desert for flirting with some mobster's girlfriend because you were trying to step out of your comfort zone and started whispering French poetry into a waitress' ear. Okay, so she was a dancer…but it's not like she was wearing a ring…that I could see. Sorry it didn't work out Mr. Carter…but you're still a billionaire married to Beyonce, so I'm sure that you'll get over it fairly quickly. Just remember my tips for little manly breakdowns.
XXX Files - David Duchovny a.k.a. Fox Mulder has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. In a statement released Thursday by his lawyer, Stanton Stein, the actor said he did so voluntarily, adding: "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series "Californication," which earned Emmy nominations for casting and cinematography. The show's second season begins September 28 (shameless plug maybe?). Showtime had no comment Thursday. He has been married to actress Tea Leoni since 1997…and frankly, I can understand the addiction. Talk about taking your work home with ya. I wonder if he brought that up during the interview for "Californication"? "I ugh…think I'd be perfect for this job because…well, I'm a sex addict…so it's not really much of a stretch for me. Did you know that I was abducted by aliens two years before the X-Files pilot? I think we all know how that one turned out…" Mulder, I hope that you are able to overcome your sex addiction…because I have to believe that there's some hope out there for us. I mean…you and all the other addicts out there. Oh, who am I kidding? If I thought about it any more I wouldn't be able to breathe.
Anyway, that'll do it for this 400th edition of the Ecclectic Eccentric Times. I hope that you all have plan for a wonderful weekend with those you Love. Thanks for reading and listening to my nonsensical ramblings about whatever. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease...and this one's for Filly...who is SUCH an X-Files nerd.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I'd like to start off by thanking Alisa for the kind comments last night...and I'll let you know when/if I'm published...either for a self-help book, odd & unusual stories, robotica (robotic erotica), a how-to-make-a-baby panda book (in Mandarin), collection of random thoughts, romantic poetry (oh yeah, I do that too), the complete history of basketball, an article for movie reviews, relationship advice, celebrity gossip (that I may or may not have started just because), illustrated documentation of my world travels, conspiracy theories, dinosaurs, or really anything else that you find on this blog or from my endless gamet of useless knowledge...with a hardback cover. I'll also keep you updated on when I finally make my movie (haven't even looked at the script in almost two years), become a game show host (my eye's on your job, Trebek), or simply my memoirs entitled "$teve Wins Again!!!" (It's a working title)
Last night, I also went to the Belgian Waffle House with JL Clyde & Esther last night for some Garbage Hash...and it was fun (though I was accused of being less than cheerful...but I had a lot going through my noggin...and the long day at work had drained my soul a bit). Afterwards, we watched some TV and because I'm a nerd, we watched "Jurassic Fight Club" starring incredibly cheerful dinosaur researchers like "Dinosaur George" and the episode's combatants, Megalodon (Prehistoric 50 foot Great White Shark) and Brygmophyseter (Moby Dick with T-Rex Teeth) and it was awesome. Sure, it was basically how dolphins kill sharks nowadays...where Megalodon (still sounds like a Transformer to me) would attack and injure a Brygmophyseter, then the wounded whale would send out a distress call to his homies...and they would ram the sides of the shark...and in this time, later rip Megalodon apart. Oh yeah, loves this show. It's gruesome, virtual carnage...with DINOSAURS. You know how I feel about dinosaurs. As mentioned in an admission of my quirks, I would watch a teenage coming-of-age drama starring Hilary Duff...as long as there's Dinosaurs in it. Can't write that one, Hollywood? Then throw in one of the other nine key plot points required for me to watch your movie.
Also, I'd like to apologize for the downer mood & tone of my posting yesterday...but again, hopefully it helps you out the next time you have a little breakdown. What have I learned from it? Well, nothing has really changed other than the interview has been done...and I'm officially certified as a manager in the company now. Yippee! Also, I'm starting to look into other possibilities besides Vegas...so I may have another Pros & Cons list to share soon...but we shall see. I've already been through this before...and it came out with Sin City at #1 again & again from all different angles...but we shall see. Maybe I do want a little more security than Vegas has to offer at this time. In the meantime, here's some news...Dr. Love style...
Inglorious Bastards Update - The latest news on the upcoming Quentin Tarantino World War II drama "Inglorious Bastards" (due out sometime in the next decade) is that Mike Myers (the comedian, not the quiet killer from the Halloween movies) will play a small role. That's right, Wayne Campbell is going to war. In the film, a band of U.S. soldiers facing death by firing squad for their misdeeds are given a chance to redeem themselves by heading into the perilous no-man's lands of Nazi-occupied France on a suicide mission for the Allies. Sounds like a "Dirty Dozen" style kind of badassery with a Tarantino twist. My prediction for Myers' small role - During a raid in this no-man's land, British military sends in their secret weapon, Austin Powers...and then he's immediately ripped apart by large artillery in the midst of trench warfare. "Yeah, baby!!!" Okay, so that's probably not going to be it at all...but I've seen too many previews for those stupid "Disaster / Epic / Superhero / Date Movie" over the past few years...and it seems like something they would do. By the way, the cast so far for this Tarantino flick (so more than likely an immediate classic) includes Nastassja Kinski ("Diary of a Sex Addict"), Simon Pegg ("Shawn of the Dead"), David Krumholtz (Mr. Universe in "Serenity"), B.J. Novak ("The Office"), Eli Roth (director of "Hostel"), and THE Brad Pitt (I think he was in "True Romance"). Doesn't sounds like a "Saving Private Ryan" lineup (which I still have yet to see besides the first twenty bloody minutes) but I have faith in it. Shooting starts October 13th in where else? Germany...der Bundesrepublik Deutschland.
CHOKE comes out September 26th in theatres. For those who don't know (and big thanks to the Mad Scientist, winner of an Honorable Mention Arte y Pico Award for telling me about this book / movie...and having awesome blogs), "Choke" is based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk ("Fight Club") and tells the story of Victor Mancini (Sam Rockwell), a sex-addicted med-school dropout who works days as an historical reenactor at a Colonial Williamsburg theme park in order to keep his increasingly deranged mother in an expensive private mental hospital. By night, he runs a scam by deliberately choking in upscale restaurants to form parasitic relationships with the wealthy patrons who "save" him. Sounds awesome, right? Trust me, from what the Mad Scientist tells me (because I'm illiterate) the book's even better...and there's no way that they can do some of the stuff described in there on film...even 8 mm film. By the way, today is the 46th birthday of "Fight Club" director David Fincher.
John Woo Sports Film? - Director John Woo ("Face/Off", "Broken Arrow", and "Mission: Impossible - II") told attendees at a Beijing charity dinner recently that he hopes to produce a sports movie. Woo says "I want real athletes to be my lead actors so that we can portray the athlete's spirit accurately." To that effect he thinks that champion hurdler Liu Xiang and multiple gold medalist diver Guo Jingjing fit the bill. Yet his producing partner Terence Chang hasn't heard of such a project and says "it's probably wishful thinking." Indeed Woo's schedule is packed for now with a "Red Cliff" sequel, Chinese Revolution epic "1949", and the Johnny Depp-led graphic novel adaptation "Caliber." Chang and writer Wang Hui-ling are about to begin work on the sixth draft of the script for "1949" and financing is still being raised. I hope this is just a passing thing...because honestly, we already have slow motion replay during sporting events...and we don't need to see doves flying behind them while they're running the hurdles...or watch diving while wearing a trenchcoat and brandishing golden Desert Eagles in each hand. Thanks for the thought about sports movies though. I'm sure even you could do a better table tennis movie than "Balls of Fury" and honor your nation.
Sexbot Update - Many thought that some jobs would never be taken over by robots. Some jobs were just too personal...and needed that human touch. Child rearing was replaced with the invention of television and video games. Writing letters to loved ones has been replaced with electronic mail and emoticons. Even good old proper shagging has been replaced with artificial insemenation, cloning, and...well, there's a lot of adult superstores full of other options. Now, in Indiana, the Da Vinci robotic surgical platform and the technology that sparked a revolutionary change in prostate cancer surgery is proving to be just as effective for use in gynecological surgery. Dr. Kurt Wiese, an obstetrician/gynecologist on staff performed the first gynecological procedures using the da Vinci robot. The hospital purchased the $1.8 million robotic surgical platform in June. Wiese said he has been pleased with the surgical outcomes he has seen. “The procedures I have done using the da Vinci robot have gone exactly as we had hoped they would. The robot worked extremely effectively. Patients experience less blood loss and are able to go home from the hospital two to three days sooner than they would otherwise. When they do go home, they have four band-aids covering four small incisions instead of the large incision that is normally required for such surgeries.” The da Vinci robot has been proven an effective tool in performing hysterectomies, as well as myomectomy, which is the surgical removal of uterine fibroids, and sacrocolpopexy, which is the surgical repair of the pelvic floor. If you blacked out when the big medical words were brought in, basically robots are taking over our jobs of helping to preserve the Holiest of Holies, the vagina. I know. I'm scared too. Our only hope to coexist with the robots is to start breeding with their women...giving birth to a race of free-thinking cyborgs with both the brute physical power (maybe a rocket launcher arm) and human compassion & desire...leading to a coup of our eventual robotic overlords...and preserving the next step in human evolution. You see what I did there? I took a medical breakthrough...and turned it into a post-apocolyptic world full of robot sex and possibly starring Christian Bale & Milla Jovovich. That's what I do.
Milla Update - By the way, saw my baby mama on the cover of Lucky magazine while getting a Coke Slurpee at 7-Eleven last night...and it's true, she does get sexier and sexier. She's also on the cover of Cookie magazine (remember my nickname courtesy of Bubbles?) with our lovely daughter Ever. Okay, this is a good time to break one rumor that is...mostly my fault. I don't know how to say this but I... (deep breath) I didn't father a child with Milla Jovovich. Ever (rim shot...because that's her daughter's name)In fact, I've never had unprotected sex with her...or any sex for that matter...or have met her in person...or probably even been in the same state at the same time. I have led you astray and I apologize. It was childish and was done for a few laughs. My sincerest apologies to anybody that I may have offended or slandered in any way. The offer still stands to star in my movie though...so you know, let me know when your schedule's open. Now that you're getting out of the fashion designing business because of the economy and new family life...anyway, I'm sorry...and congratulations on the family. You still look amazing too.
I guess that'll do it for today. I'm just sitting here blabbing away while watching a special on the History Channel about the Presidency of JFK. I multi-task extremely well...but I guess I should focus on ways of turning that into a high-paying career...or several high-paying careers...since I don't have much of a social life to worry about and all. Oh well, everything happens of a reason. Have a great night everybody!!!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Well, the "big" interview for my manager certification was yesterday. I arrived about 45 minutes early because I was expecting a little more traffic (and I'm like that) and ran into Amelia but she was working so we just said hi and then she texted me afterwards. The guy interviewing before me was Russian (?) so we chatted for about thirty seconds before the conversation ended. The interview itself went great. Two tenured managers asked me questions about my career goals, ambitions, what skills I possessed that'd make me a great leader (ninja skills intrigued them the most), examples where I used these skills as well as others, and all in all, it was just a great little interview. I didn't even have to use what my Italian friends refer to as "Fuffa" to get through it...which is another skill that I neglected to mention on the resume or in the interview. By the way, Fuffa is explained to me as the ability to bullsh*t...like it's breathing. Anybody who has ever talked to me can usually pick up on this...though I mix it well with true sincerity. It's a real gift...and I don't know if it's learned or just something genetic that you're born with...but scientists may find out in due time.
One of the interviewers, I found out, is also big in Vegas as an HR manager...so I asked him about my chances down there (or anywhere) and any suggestions that he had for me. Here's the main points...
- Go Back to School - Reason being, I have two associate's degrees...but of course everybody's getting bachelor degrees so if I want to stay competitive then I'd better get on that. Besides, education never hurt nobody, right? Basically, it's not enough to know the stuff...but to SHOW that you know the stuff, I guess. The only thing is...I see college as a huge ripoff that only exists as a way for parents of horny teenagers to give lots of money away. Not having my parents pay for ANY of my seven years of college, I just see it as a major waste of money, period. I have two useless pieces of paper hanging on my wall after tens of thousands of dollars spent on stuff that I basically already knew. Pain in the ass. That being said, probably not going to get an honorary degree from anywhere now...but it's just my opinion. Obviously those degrees are coming back to help me out now, right?
- Get Experience - Translation: Take a major paycut and start over to get some of that "real world" experience and know-how. Besides, most of your competition is already there and have been for years learning the job that they'd have to spend an hour or so to teach you. In other words, the last ten years of your life have been wasted on working hard and doing the best that you can. You may as well have just done nothing and be in the same position from their standpoint.
- Risk - Las Vegas is always changing (part of its appeal) but any move down there is going to involve a LOT of risk as far as job security, restructuring, housing, financial stability, global warming, whatever. Sure, the company may look good now...but in a year, who the hell knows? Just look at my "future employer" from a few months ago. Then again, thanks to trillions of dollars going into foreign wars, outsourcing, technology, and blah blah blah, everybody's job is at risk...just more fluid in vacation places like Las Vegas.
Summary (interpretted by my Noggin) - The interview was great, you're an amazing guy, great resume, very charming & interesting, your managers have nothing but incredible things to say about you...but to have a better chance of actually having a career you're going to have to go back to school full-time (already did seven years of full-time college for those two two-year degrees), while taking a major paycut to start over at the bottom of the company, while moving out on your own to a new environment where anything can happen at any moment...and it's probably going to be bad...because it's a gambling town to begin with and these are gambling times. Oh...and did I mention that you'll be alone? That may be a good thing...because you won't be taking anybody down with you. Oh...and all that masterful working & going to school full-time for the past twelve years or so...doesn't mean diddly doo doo. In fact, it probably hurt you because instead of being loyal to a company that you enjoyed working with, you probably should have moved on a while ago. Nice tie, by the way. Where did you get that? China? You went to China? How was that?
After thanking them for their time and advice, I drove home in a fairly cheerful mood. I had gotten this interview out of the way...and it can only help me now in my search. They'll send information to my managers and myself in the next week...and we'll come up with a strategy or something to get me where I need to go. Awesome. So I get home, send a few text messages to concerned parties, take off my suit, sit down on my bed, and basically break down for about five to ten minutes in mild teary-eyed frustration wondering "What the hell have I done with my life? What could I have done better? What can I do in the future that's feasible? Who the hell are they to tell me to start over? Why does this always happen? What HAVE I been doing the past two years since graduation? Or for that matter the last decade? Nothing? Who gives a sh*t? Has all my work been for nothing? Do I know my sh*t? Why do I feel so alone? What the hell is wrong with me? Why does God hate me? Wah wah wah..." Yeah, it got a little dramatic & ridiculous there at the end. When I have a little manly breakdown though, there's a few key things to remember that help me work it out:
- Make it quick and painful - Like taking off a band-aid. Get it all out. Cry like a little whipped girly puppy, get that horrible feeling in your throat where you cry and it feels like it's expanding like a bullfrog or something, the fact that I was in my underwear during broad daylight left me feeling especially vulnerable...but it helped get it all out. Picture that one for minute, ladies.
- Don't drink - It'll only make it worse...and you'll spend the next day vomiting...and that's one of my least favorite things. It's up there with girls crying and blunt object to the groin.
- Don't break stuff - It'll only piss you off the next day...and the cops stay out of it because the neighbors won't hear you and call it in. Talking to a cop while angry is a great way to meet new friends and have sex with them...but not the kind you want.
- Talk to a buddy - Via text, phone, email, whatever...it usually helps to let a good friend or family member know what's on your mind and what you're frustrated about. They do a good job of keeping it in perspective (because they're not directly in it) and helping you out. You know the people that you want to talk to...and whether you want to do it by text or whatever. Note: Talking to your mom will either enrage you beyond what you thought you were capable of...or cause you to continue crying like a whipped puppy for hours. It's just what they do. Fathers not so much...but hopefully you all have good friends out there to talk to.
- Learn from it - What does this REALLY mean? How can you make it better? Can you make it better? How can you grow from this as a person? What's the moral of the story? What's for dinner?
- Move on - Might I suggest inviting a few people over for a Rock Band party? That's what I did and it worked splendidly. Oh...and if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, I remember hours of fantastic sex working wonders for my self-esteem after these breakdowns.
- For God's sake, don't tell anybody else about it!!! - Okay, so I dropped the ball on this one...but hopefully my stupidity helps you out. Yeah, I have a reputation to uphold as that Greek God of a man chiseled out of marble and carrying a mighty trident...but I'm still a tough guy with an imposing figure...and yeah, I have my moments. We all do...or we go postal.
So, long stupid story short, nothing has really changed except that I got certified as a manager. I just had a little fit where all the frustration of the last six months of trying to do something with my life just kind of culminated and I had a Gloomy Gus Day that I guess only lasted a few minutes...but still, now I just have to open my eyes and look for what I'm going to do with my future. Maybe I need to look at a few different cities with a little more stability. Already done San Diego and New Orleans, so maybe Denver a little more...or Northern California...or Rio de Janeiro. Any suggestions? I don't really want to go back to school...at all...but I guess if you're not moving forward, you're falling behind...which pisses me off to no end because school is really f**king pointless and really f**king expensive...especially since I'll probably be taking that paycut. Oh well, positive attitude brings positive results, right? Onward and upward!!!
So yeah, Filly stopped by shortly after and we talked about this and that. She's twitterpated and going to New Orleans for Halloween (which I'll probably go too, if possible) so I basically just sat back and listened...adding funny comments here & there and words of advice...you know, the usual. (Sh*t, maybe I should just go into psychiatry. Plenty of possibly-crazy people looking for somebody to talk to out there, that's job security. The question is...can they afford me in these times? Do I really need a degree though? Some of the craziest people I know have degrees in Psychology...like my Aunt Pat) Sorry, tangent thought again. So yeah, she paid me with a Carne Asada Burrito...and JL Clyde showed up later and we played Rock Band...and had Coke Slurpees with Appleton Estate Jamaican Rum, which were non-surprisingly delicious.
Then we watched one of the silliest horror movies of the 90's "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but the one with Renee Zellweger (right after "Jerry Maguire") and Matthew McConaughey (right after "Dazed & Confused") and it's just ridiculous. I had seen it once before...but basically, it's Prom Night in Texas and two couples drive off into the wilderness (never explained exactly why other than they let an angry woman drive). That being said, they get into a wreck and the driver in the other car is hurt pretty bad...so they go to get help. Then the craziness ensues. I don't want to spoil anything...but yeah, Leatherface is there with a chainsaw, there's a real estate agent with rockin' tatas that likes to flash the locals, McConaughey has a remote control robotic leg...and is a pretty convincing crazy, and it's just wild & kooky...to the point of pure enjoyment...for a horror movie. I say check it out...but yeah, don't try to look at it logically or anything. It'll only piss you off.
Anyway, that'll do it for today. Sorry for my rambling about being a wuss...but hopefully it helps out for your future meltdowns to know that everybody does it, they just handle it differently. Thanks to everybody out there for listening to me over the course of the evening (Mom, Bubbles, Filly, JL Clyde, Amelia, Lilie, etc.) and don't feel bad if I didn't talk to you about it (Mrs Wingman) because I just got more frustrated the more time that I had to retell it (especially after talking to my mom). See? Even I don't follow my own advice sometimes. Have a great night everybody!!!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Republic of a Man's Mind - Yesterday, I was talking with Lilie about her abundant job opportunities again...and after a while she asked me why decision making was so difficult for her. I have a theory about this kind of thing...and have had so for a long time, so I shared it with her. Now, I know for me...when it comes to decision making on a HUGE long term thing (like moving or changing careers after a while or whatever), my mind basically boils down to three separate branches of the decision making system.
Executive Branch - The Brain - I'll weigh the pros & cons, do a LOT of research, think about it almost obsessively to no end, do a cost-benefits analysis, SWOT analysis if needed, look at many different options, even make up a few theoretical ones to test it out, ask around to get other people's opinions & feedback, ask professionals, ask friends, ask family, ask total strangers, ask pets, ask Jeeves, and then go from there. Logically, realistically, is it a good decision?
Legislative Branch - The Heart - Does it meet my moral code? Is it the right thing to do? Will I be able to live with myself after doing it? Will others be able to live with me after doing it? Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror...and not have to lie to myself to make me feel better about it? Who else is affected by my decisions? How so? Is it selfish or for the greater good? Do I really care if it's selfish or not? Basically just a reality check to see if the logical decision is really "right" or just correct. This is also the area where emotions come in and can really mess things up. Love, Passion, Anger, Revenge, Jealousy, Sadness, Depression, Fear, Hate, Happiness, Desperation, Frustration, Courage, Loyalty, all that stuff weighs in...and can be great for fueling your decision...but all the fuel in the world can't lead you to the right place if you don't know the direction.
Judicial Branch - The Wang - This is what most people consider the "Gut Feeling" but I eat a lot of spicy foods so I don't rely on my stomach nearly as much as my Legacy. I mean...it's kind of an instinctual, spiritual, personal, sexual relationship that we have...because that's where my future generations are coming from. Why would he lead me wrong? He wants what's best for me. Besides, sensations from there usually travel through the stomach, right? Anyway, if I've come to a decision...and I'm a little confused between the logical choice and the moral issues...or more often, similar logical choices that I've decided on...then I'll go with that gut feeling...from my pants. You may be wondering, "I've gone over all this stuff...but I still feel uneasy about it? Why?" Maybe it's some kind of supernatural force giving you a nudge a certain way, maybe it's a call to do more research and educate your decision, maybe you shouldn't have trusted that undercooked bacon on your burger, whatever it may be, this is kind of the last checkpoint to see if you REALLY should do it. I'm not going to lie, the Wang (or gut or whatever) can mislead you...but so can everything else. That's the thing about decision making. You can just know that you made the best decision that it seemed like at the time...and go from there.
Basically, you can think about it all you want...and believe me, I think too much and I know it...but you may be torn in different directions for whatever reason. Your friends & family are there for you (and if not, talk to me, I'm allegedly a great listener) but when it boils down to it, your decision is going to be your decision...so don't deny those instincts that creep up every once in a while. Please, whatever you do, don't choose NOT to do something because you think that you're going to fail. You should never have that image during the decision making process. Yes, I know it's entirely optimistic...but if you're already thinking like that, then it's going to seriously alter your decision making process. Have confidence in your abilities...and if you've researched properly, then you'll realize that you can do anything that you want to do and put your mind to. Anyway, that's really the simple process by which I think that a lot of men think...but then again, I may be complicating it entirely too much. Like I said, I think too much...but personally, this is what it boils down to.
Example of My Practice - Las Vegas, Nevada
Executive Decision - Now, I've bored you to death over the past few months with my Pros & Cons lists, my friends' Pros & Cons lists, comparisons to other possible cities & areas from San Diego to New Orleans to Germany, tales of my investigational trips to Las Vegas, perspectives from both my eccentric fun side and logical side as a place of living, a Movie List (which I know I haven't done in a while), how Nicolas Cage must own stock in Vegas (even the preview for his new "Bangkok Dangerous" had neon, I noticed), even tales of the economy (which in my target areas has fallen on some hard times since March), and even stuff that I haven't mentioned on this blog include searching for living quarters, grocery stores, good neighborhoods, freeway conditions, and all the usual stuff that people look into when they're looking to move...so that part has been done...and it still appears to be a great idea...but just slightly altered from the original search because my "future employer" from March may not be as financially stable as anticipated...but they're not the only game in town by any means.
Legislative Decision - No real objections to the moral code other than I'll obviously have to watch myself with regards to addictions like drugs, alcohol, gambling, women, video games, selfishness, television, and all the usual stuff...but I do that here in Utah pretty well. The main concern here is that I'll be moving away from my family, friends, coworkers, casual acquaintances, doorbell ringing neighbor kids, the chicks that cut my hair, and all the other people that I know. I will be on my own. Does this frighten me? Not to the point of pee-pee scared because I'm a big boy...but yeah, it does a little. How do I overcome that concern? They'll visit me in Vegas. They'll do it gladly. I know this. They'll send me emails, text messages, voicemails, maybe even write me a handwritten letter because they know that I'd appreciate it...and write them back something optimistic, light-hearted, hilarious, and at the very least - interesting. (Delusion helps) Also, there are millions of people there in Las Vegas too...and though I only know a few right now (Bubbles, Barb, Keanna, HT, etc) when I'm actually there, I'll meet many wonderful new people who will have the pleasure of my company. So the decision...is that it's a good idea. Is it the best decision? No way to tell. Is it a selfish decision? A little bit...but it meets my moral code and the people that care about me understand...and are supportive...even if they'd rather spend time with me in town (like the last six months since I first voiced this decision). I'm always there for my peeps.
Judicial Decision - Obviously, the Wang loves the decision of going to Las Vegas. Good memories from past visits, Crazy Girls, Crazy Horse II, lots of heat, lots of pools, lots of swimsuits, international selection of women to choose from, flights going in & out filled with crazy girls looking for good times & weekend flings, instant gratification is a way of life, so the constant potential for excitement makes me tingle all over...but that's not the only reason. The city is always moving, changing, transforming, adapting, flowing, rushing, altering, fluctuating, like a metamorphic amiable chameleon. Now, that can be frightening if you're looking for stability and monotony...but if you have confidence in your abilities and you're looking for new things, gaining new perspectives, wonderful experiences, Passion, testing your metal and skills, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and basically igniting that fire that you've been longing for...then it's an exciting adventure...and you'll surely be entertained during your journey...with your friends, family, and coworkers behind you. That being said, I'd be a fool not to do it, right?
I think so too. That's why I've been trying to do it...but not rushing the decision. I don't want to settle. I want what I deserve damnit. An opportunity to advance my life, my career, my goals, my self, and after a long time continually trying to better myself, I feel like it's time for me to do it...and I think that this journey is going to lead to Las Vegas, Nevada...but when, how, and all the other details will be revealed in due time...because everything happens for a reason. Why haven't I made it there yet? Sure, you can say it's because the economy has restricted and/or eliminated jobs of those already living there, along with the usual progression of technology eliminating the need for blackjack dealers, bartenders, and other people's livelihoods, or that my refusal to settle has kept me from just going down there with a satchel on my back and braving the 120 degree heat to just be down there, or it could just be...it's not my time yet. Maybe I'm not ready for Vegas. Maybe Vegas isn't ready for me. Maybe my future doesn't hold Vegas in it at all (unlikely...but possible). That's why decision making can be so tough for some...because there's so many possibilities...but whatever you decide, go at it whole-headedly, whole-heartedly, and whole...well, just whole-bodied in general for the best results.
By the way, if anybody else has different thought processes, I'd be incredibly intrigued to hear about them. Even if it's just the whole "What's in it for me?" approach...or my flip a coin / dance off / Catapult method. Everybody's unique...and that's what makes us great & interesting.
Well, I've rambled on enough today. As for what happened yesterday, I watched a silly movie and did laundry, dishes, etc. Nothing exciting, I know...but I'll tell you about the movie tomorrow or something. Have a great day everybody!!!