Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 $tevie Awards

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It seems that I FINALLY have internet once again. “But $teve, weren’t you supposed to have it like…over a month ago?” Yes, yes I was. However, we had a lovely little snowstorm come through that dumped for over 24 hours…and apparently the cable/internet guy & the gas man cancelled on me. Luckily, I had the day off from work (because I worked a Saturday) but couldn’t do too many errands because everybody was having a snow day. However, I was able to get a “smog test” done on my new Jeep, Gretchen…and when I went to the DMV (located in a strip mall next to a video store & a Chinese restaurant here in Truckee) they told me that I needed more stuff from the dealer…so that went nowhere. Basically, you haven’t missed much in my life other than being super busy at work with opening our new office…and then being involved in a giant circle jerk involving my bank, my insurance company, the car dealership, the DMV, the electric company (sans Morgan Freeman), the gas company, the cable/internet provider, and of course…my HR department…because apparently I wronged them at some time years ago & they’ve been trying to get back at me ever since…no matter where I go. That all being said, I’m still in stellar spirits because…it’s just incredible here…and now I’m down to trying to get my Jeep registered (still) and theoretically I may have television at some time in the future. That’s right, I STILL don’t have TV…and it’s not for a lack of trying.

Christmas was fan-freakin’-tastic!!! For those of you who I didn’t run into, I was able to step away from the office for a few days to go back to Utah to be with the family…and Kairi was there…and even Bubbles & Lilie were in town…and the Wingmans came to visit…but I’ll elaborate more on that in another post…because it’s New Year’s Eve…and that can only mean one thing…

The 2009 $tevies

Back by popular demand, it's the 3rd Annual $tevie Awards…with your host, $teve. Based on something sent to my MySpace account a few years back. Once again, just because you're not mentioned in the $tevies doesn't mean that I don't care about you. It's simply some stupid stuff that I threw together to kind of sum up the year…and feel free to check out the numerous links to past entries to keep yourself entertained & reminisce about the year that was. So without further ado, this year's winners are...

DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Bubbles - Three-time winner of this award & with that, you’re inducted as the first member of the $tevie Hall of Fame. New Year’s Eve was…well, I remember most of it, a trip to the emergency room in July, a giant random gaping hole in my jeans last month, good times. An honorable mention goes to JL Clyde, who was there when I moved back to Utah and we share a bond over Rum & Coke Slurpees…and pretentious beer. Then again, living between two microbreweries & a liquor store on top of my stocked bar, who needs a buddy to get sh*t faced, right? P.S. There’s a microbrewery two blocks from my new home here in Truckee…so the saga continues. Who will be next year’s drinking buddy?

LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend): Isaihia - Another three-time winner & inductee to the Hall of Fame. Haven’t seen him much this past year but he’s living the married life again and watching 49ers games for some reason. Honorable mention here goes to his little brother Spitsofrantic who's been a friend just about as long. Now over twenty full years. Dang.

NEWCOMER AWARD: K-Fish – Apparently I reinstilled her faith in both text messaging and men in general…but she really helped get me through some of those tedious work days when I went back to Utah. Perhaps next year, my roommate will be a Newcomer Award winner…but we shall see. Congratulations K-Fish!!!

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR: TAHOE!!! – This was definitely a year of peaks & valleys…quite literally…all across the western United States. Started off living in Denver, then moved back home to Utah after being let go, then after about four months of pestering Big Boss B and several of my new bosses, I was offered employment here in Lake Tahoe to enjoy the splendor. There were many high points this year of a more immediate gratification like New Year’s in Vegas with Bubbles, Mardi Gras with Filly, Belle, Sunset and the Krewes, the magnificent Road Trip in April across California with my mom, aunt, cousin, Lilie & the Wingmans, even Going Back Home for the summer was a blessing in disguise of unemployment. I got to see the niece & nephew more, hang with my mom & dad more readily, meet up with some of my readers like JL Clyde, Bone Junior & the Mad Scientist, learn a new job within the same company, meet some new people & basically just had a lot of fun. This year has been amazing…despite all the obstacles along the way.

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR: Attack of the Crack Whore – I could be really selfish and say it was the Day of Infamy 2 when I was let go in Denver…but looking back, the only thing that I REALLY miss was my apartment on the 34th floor and hanging with my cousin from time to time. Who knew it would turn out to be a good thing at the time & now I’m in Lake Tahoe? Far & away though, the low point has been the continuing Jerry Springer drama that is my crack whore ex-sister-in-law & her kidnapping of my beloved niece Kairi…on multiple occasions. The latest involved this crazy b**ch running off to another state with my niece & her pedophile boyfriend…to be with her sister (who I never knew existed) and her father who molested her…and of course there’s a legal battle going on…but you know how those go…and in the State of Utah, the mother has absolute power absolutely…no matter how ill-fit she is. Luckily for both of us, I’ve only had to see that c**t once this year…and neither of us wanted to talk. I’m hoping that some good comes out of here too…but I’m not holding my breath. However, even this low point led to…

BEST HOLIDAY: Christmas – Another regular award-winner. This year was great because this last week I met up with just about everybody. Even Bubbles & Lilie were in town and we were able to hang out…and the Wingmans came to visit me in Tahoe. I even got some fantastic presents…but the best of all was merely the presence of my darling niece who made it back just in time for the holidays and we had oodles of fun. It was truly a great week to be me…and I thank you all for making my life so incredible. Without you, I’d be living in a frozen hell with nothing to do but work & shiver…with nobody to talk to, being the main difference. Seriously though, I love y’all madly.

SONG FOR 2009: “On To The Next One” by Jay-Z – I had to go with the only new CD that I bought this year, “The Blueprint 3” and this was the best track…and so fitting for my year of nomadic behavior across I-80 West. Jigga always makes the list when he drops an album. Big thanks to Bubbles for turning me onto the Kings of Leon when I visited around New Year’s, but that means they would’ve been last year’s winner with “Sex on Fire” and their album. Other than that, I haven’t really listened to the radio or anything like that this year. But…I did get to see Smokey Robinson this year…and shake hands with the Bacon Brothers. That’s right, I’m officially one degree of Kevin Bacon. That makes you all two degrees or less.

MOVIE FOR 2009: Inglorious Basterds – Always a pleasure to watch Quentin Tarantino at work…and this time he paired up with a HUGE star…and the posters are right, “Brad Pitt is a Basterd.” Where the hell does this guy get off being so perfect? Oh yeah, inside of Angelina. That’s right. Anyway, the movie was great though…not historically correct, involving a LOT of subtitles, and really the biggest star other than Mister Pitt is who? The director of Hostel? The temp from the Office? Helen of Troy? That German guy who is in a bunch of action movies? What’s his name? The one French chick that was in…what has she been in? Regardless, great flick. Go check it out. So glad that I got it for Christmas…and then I got “Jennifer’s Body” for me. Don’t judge me. Sure there were a lot of other great flicks…but it’s really hard to top Tarantino. Or Megan Fox (so I hear…but if the guy from 90210 can do it…)

VIDEO GAME FOR 2009: Rock Band 2? – I honestly haven’t really played a lot of video games this year…obviously since this one came out last year. I hear from my brother that Assassin’s Creed 2 might be my kind of game…but I have yet to play it, so I can’t confirm. Wait, I think Rock Band’s a three-time winner now…so another Hall of Fame Inductee.

TV SHOW FOR 2009: Dollhouse – Somebody has to give this show an award…and since it’s going to be cancelled in a few weeks, I’ll take that duty upon myself. Yes ladies & gentlemen, it’s the greatest show on television that you’re not watching (nor is anybody else in America without a computer). Not just a sci-fi show about beautiful people (like Eliza Dushku) that are programmed to do morally flexible (and usually violent and/or sexy) things, but also a look into the very soul of Man and the decisions that we make…and what makes us human. Joss Whedon is a f**king genius storyteller and I’m bummed that he keeps getting horrible timeslots…but hey, that’s why they make the DVDs. Also, I’m a fan of other TV shows that I’ve only recently caught up on like Supernatural, Dexter, Mad Men, Chuck and of course the usual gaggle of adult cartoons & It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH: My Cousin – We spent Valentine’s alone together…and had a few drinks at a bar & reminisced about music back in the day. Yeah, not romantic or anything…but pretty typical for Single Awareness Day. A few days later, I went to Mardi Gras for a week.

BEST RELATIONSHIP: N/A – It’s kinda sad that probably the best relationship I’ve had this year was with moving companies. Kinda difficult to get your swerve on when you’re constantly in a state of packed…but hey, I’m settled in Truckee now & I don’t plan on moving for a while. Maybe I can convince some lady to let me slip inside of her that isn’t Gretchen (my Jeep).

HALLOWEEN COSTUME: Captain Hammer – Tape: $1, Construction paper: $5, Gloves: $8, Having the superpower to tell everybody that “The Hammer is my penis”: Priceless

RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR: Restaurant 162 at The Ritz-Carlton, Laguna Niguel – Quite possibly the best hamburger I’ve ever had and a seafood buffet that is simply unparalleled in both scope & price. Yeah, bring your checkbook…but it’s amazing…and has a fantastic view of the ocean at sunset. An honorable mention goes to In-n-Out Burger for just existing now within 30 minutes of where I live.

BOOK OF THE YEAR: “96 Ways to Talk to Anyone” by Leil Lowndes - Sh*t, I forgot to read this year… Well, that’s not entirely true. I did read the books that Bubbles got for me last year but they were “Dirty, Filthy Jokes” and “200 Places You Must See” (I think I had been to 24 or so thus far) but this one was from…I think my stepmom. It’s helped a little bit…but like I mentioned before, a lot of it I already knew…and it didn’t help me get laid. Wanna win the Book of the Year $tevie? Write something that directly satisfies me in a carnal way. That is your challenge. I’m tired of writing my own erotica…no matter how amazing it is.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR: Bugging the f**k out of Tahoe – Again with the tenacity to just keep trying no matter what the hell is going on came through in the end for me…and now I get to continue my career of the past decade in a new mountain resort town with a giant lake and that’s smack in the middle of Reno, San Francisco, Slick City, Vegas, LA and just about everywhere else I’d look to road trip to…if I get bored of being in pristine oasis. It just goes to show, if at first you don’t succeed, just keep pushing that rock up the hill like Sisyphus…with the crows picking at your organs, your body exhausted, the weight of the rock resting on your shoulders, just keep pushing. That’s why this whole circle jerk about getting my car registered & utilities set up hasn’t really worn on me…because it’ll get done…or they just won’t get my money.

PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR: Live Each Day – So two years ago, I had no idea my peeps would spread like wildfire over the globe. In this last year, it’s really been nothing but change, constant & consistent. Now I’m hopefully settled a bit & can make the Martis Valley and surrounding area my new home. Basically, I still just want to live each day greatly and have fun with this new wonderful experience, meet new people, try new things and keep in touch with my loved ones. Simple plans, right? Yeah, just like they were last year.

STUPIDEST IDEA WHEN DRUNK: Mechanical Bull? – You know, I’d like to think it was a stupid idea…but it was a lot of f**king fun. I’m only saying it because I lost my phone for a few weeks & that was awkward. I’m actually kind of proud to say that I haven’t made a lot of stupid drunken decisions this year. I’ve been quite responsible. Maybe taking Bubbles to the hospital a little sooner in July would’ve been better…but the only reason that I didn’t was because she insisted…and I can’t blame her, I hate hospitals too. Damn it, now I want to ride a mechanical bull again. I wonder if they have a place around here…

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR: Mailing Address – I guess that would technically be biggest changes of the year. Yeah, definitely a year of changes…but I think it’s just catching up after being in the same place for so long before. Now I’m in California (Nevada County, CA just to be confusing) a stone’s throw from where the Donner Party…well, ended. Just a big year of changes and it seems like that’s all I’ve been doing for a while is adapting. Whether it’s learning new surroundings, setting up residency & utilities there, my family changing every day, my niece & nephew getting bigger by the hour, friends moving all over the place, getting married, having kids of their own, losing jobs, moving to get jobs, getting sick or hurt, major changes all over the place…but hey, that’s the one constant, right? It’s all quite exciting. Frustrating at times…but exciting none the less.

BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD: The Crack Whore – I don’t even want to talk about her again. May she rot in Tucson.


  • Travel more...or at least as much – And looking for apartments while I’m there

  • Find a good girl who likes me too – Again, not of a sexual nature

  • Have more sex...preferably with a woman nearby - Sigh...

  • Pursue another part-time job...maybe as a late night radio DJ - I’m thinking Handsome Companion

  • Play more basketball. I miss our times together – Played basketball once since April…and destroyed my big toenail doing it. Still love that b**ch…

  • Give more to charity & donate time, blood, plasma, sperm, hair, feces, whatever they'll take - Blood & Time

  • Dance more...preferably with a woman nearby – I think salsa dancing with Belle during Mardi Gras was it

  • Swear less (now that my nieces & nephews are getting spongier) – They ain’t learning it from me

  • Should I swear off Mountain Dew? - A lot less Mountain Dew, that's for sure

  • Nah, maybe just eat healthier...or cook more – Definitely cooking more

  • Remember JJ – She’s getting married y’all…in case you didn’t know

  • Smack more asses (a.k.a. More forward with the opposite sex) - I've smacked a few asses this year…and had them returned

  • Drive my Baby more – Apparently she hasn’t been moved since this time last year

  • Most importantly, make sure everybody out there knows how much I love & care for them - You all know, right?


  • Make Denver my new home – F**k Denver!!!

  • Find that Love I've been looking for – Ugh, f**k Denver???

  • Progress in my job & learn everything about the industry – I’ve learned THREE jobs this year. YAY!!!

  • Don't Settle for Mediocrity – Well, Tahoe is beyond mediocre, that’s for sure

  • Learn another language (Spanish or Mandarin…to go along with English & German) – Yeah, never happened

  • Renew my Passport…and use it – Renewed but not used…yet

  • Get my body ripped…like Jesus – Sigh…it was pretty nice in April…still okay

  • Movie Nights with neighbors and new friends in Denver – (clear throat) F**K…DENVER!!!

  • Play in a Recreational Basketball League – Already investigating possibilities with coworkers here in Truckee

  • Make sure everybody out there knows how much I love & care for them STILL!!!


  • Make the Truckee / Tahoe / Reno area my new home (jinx)

  • Live Frugally, Yet Well

  • Stay in Touch

  • Birthday Roadtrip

  • Progress in my Career, Not Just Settle for What’s Given

  • Basically all the stuff I said in previous years that I haven’t yet done

So that's basically it for today. I may do an awards show for the DECADE that was...but yeah, we'll see. I'll also catch you up on pictures & stuff soon but...yeah, things are difficult here in small town Cali when it comes to utilities. Luckily it makes up for it in being exciting, new & beautiful. Now if I could just find somebody to share it all with. Have a happy new year everybody!!! May your 2010 be far better than 2009 or any year before.

Friday, December 25, 2009

It's a REAL Christmas Miracle

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

And a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, Hooray for Hannukah, Colossal Kwanza and Slaphappy Soltice or whatever you're celebrating this week, month, year. As I type this I'm having a great time petting my mom's cat Princess with my favorite niece in the whole wide world, Kairi. Why? Because of a Christmas Miracle.

First off, I want to apologize for not doing a damn thing on this blog for what now, three weeks? Trust me, it's not really my it's only a kind of apology. Thank the great circle that is utility establishment in small town California for not setting up my internet connection, nor my cable, and the post office for losing my paperwork for registering Gretchen. So yeah, I've been kind of busy...and I pinky swear promise to catch you all up later with pictures and maybe a fun story or two...but in the meantime, here's a superquick catchup.

The new job is awesome. The new apartment is awesome. The roommate is awesome. The new method of transportation is awesome. The weather is actually even pretty awesome... considering that I live where the Donner Party decided to go all cannibal a few years back. The Wingmans came to visit just before I was able to fly back for the holidays and thanks to the legal system final working, after many months of what would seem even to the most untrained of eyes as a simple open & shut case of paternal responsibility, I get to spend the holidays with pretty much ALL of my friends & family...including my niece Kairi who was basically kidnapped two days before I moved to Lake Tahoe. She just got back on Tuesday...and we've been having a wonderful Christmas since. I've even been able to spend time already with my mom, dad, brother, niece nephew, stepsiblings, cousins, Bubbles and later on I'll be meeting up with JL Clyde, the Mad Scientist, Lilie, and all the former coworkers for sushi & hijinx.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a nice who's trying to play with me because as she said last night, "I missed you Unko $teve." So again, happy holidays everybody...and may your 2010's be even better than your 2009's. I love you all madly. Travel safe & enjoy all the precious moments with those that you love.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Nooorthern California Where the Girls Are Warm

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, It's been a while since I've been able to bless you with my presence virtually...but rest assured that I should be getting internet (and cable and gas and my new car registered and a California driver's license) officially tomorrow, so that should help tremendously. Let's see, when last I left you, I believe I was sh*ttin' kittens about finding a new car since Brandy had...some issues. Well, I found her...and she was a pretty penny...but I think well worth it. Only time will tell, she's a firecracker red 2004 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited hardtop with about 46,000 miles on her...and her Gretchen (you know I've always loved that name) and she's a fiery red-headed wood nymph of an Earth Muffin who's always down for adventure whether in the woods, in the city or on the open road...and if the weather's right, she's not afraid to take her top off for all the world to see. BEHOLD!!!

Sadly, I had to trade in Brandy because I simply couldn't put her anywhere (really wish I had known that about a week earlier) but I was able to talk her up to a $1000 trade-in, which on a car with 217,000+ miles on her, should get me some kind of an award or something. Alas, I'm sorry Brandy. You were a great gal...
Oh, also, proof that I can cook a fine pork pot roast with all the fixings...

Basically, I spent all day Saturday & Sunday morning checking out cars...and then about six hours at the dealership to get everything taken care of (haggling, the usual process plus computer outages...but involved a lovely tour of Carson City, capital of the Silver State). Not exactly how I wanted to spend my first weekend...but whatever, it had to be done. I did have a little time in the evenings to set up the apartment a bit. Still a work in progress now that the roommate showed up last week...but it's coming together & he's cool as hell, so good times.

The bedroom's different w/o my favorite headboard...
...but I do have my own private deck.

The next six days was basically a hectic little dance of getting our office ready for opening this next week...and I'd love to tell you more about it...but just trust me, it's a lot of work & we're all really excited & nervous at the same time about our jobs & our new office opening. It's going to be EPIC!!!
Today's actually the first time that I've been able to see the sun really since I was shopping for a car (schedule is sunrise to sundown this time of year) and it's supposed to start snowing today and probably keep going until Friday...or April. I'm not sure how this weather is...but they've told us to stock up on food, have a shovel ready, dress warmly, drive safely & bring forth two of every animal, preferably one male & one female so they don't have what's referred to as a Unicorn Incident. Regardless, I think that my CD of the Steve Miller Band's greatest hits is absolutely perfect to listen to while driving around this place...and you know that crisp, clean smell of rain that I love so much...well, it's pretty much always here...just a little crispy sometimes depending on the early morning temperature as it prepares for winter.

In the meantime, we did have a full moon the other day & I got out of work a little I drove down to Lake Tahoe & took a few pictures at dusk...and I thought I would leave you with those...and a message that I miss each and every single one of you...and I can't wait to see you again, whenever that may be. Have a great day everybody!!!

I think Gretchen enjoys the sunsets too...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Gobble Gobble Gobble

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!! Well, it's official. I'm a California resident. Well...not official official because I still have a Utah Driver's License...but I'm living here now...and working...and sleeping...and paying yeah, it's official. Here's a quick rundown of the past week...because I know that you're really concerned with how I've been doing.

Friday night, we loaded up the remainder of the moving van...and by we, I mean me & my dad while my mom, stepdad and little nephew Vinny packed. I didn't have my camera handy...but the little guy who's not even two years old was carrying sleeping bags and rolled up blankets and stuff to help out his Uncle $teve. It was about the cutest thing you can imagine...then double it. He has the biggest blue eyes and the cutest smile & laugh...he's gonna be a heartbreaker someday very soon, ladies. Anyway, we were loading up the last thing, THE LAST THING...and what happens? My dad stumbles and catches his shin on the corner of the car tow...and it pokes through TO THE BONE. Now, it's deep...and it's we wrap him up as best we can & my stepmom drives him to Urgent Care...while I go to Red Rocks to meet up with JL Clyde & my friend K-Fish from work. That's right, my dad was bleeding profusely...and I was having a few beers and a trout club sandwich on pimpernickel. Why? He insisted that I do it. Wait, he becomes more God-like later in the trip. That night, I slept on a twin bed. The beer helped.

Saturday, we got ready and were on I-80 heading west by 10 AM. Oh yeah, 27 stitches...and a few painkillers. That was the remedy for the injury the night before. We drove through the scenic towns like Wendover, Wells, Elko, Battle Mountain, Golconda, Winnemucca, Reno and everything else that northern Nevada has to offer, stopping every so often to get gas & listening to the radio & Led Zeppelin CDs along the way. It was great male bonding. My dad's a real trooper...and a great navigator. "Just keeping heading that way." "Will do." Also, I got a great deal on the van & gas is what it is...and I calculated that just with those two things, it cost me about a dollar per mile to move my stuff from Slick City to Truckee. Awesome, right?

We made pretty good time & got there in about 9 6 PM Cali time. It's dark of course...and the parking area of my apartment not the biggest...and we have a 16' moving van with car tow. We decide it'd be best to take my car Brandy off, then the car tow to make it a little easier / plausible. I go to start up Brandy...and nothing. Maybe it's the battery. We pop the hood, pop the trunk...and there's no tools. F my life. Remember "the Dude"? The manager's husband / maintenance guy? Well, he was home and he loaned us some tools (as did another guy we'll call D1 the next morning) and we did what we had to do to park it for the night...but it took a while...and gave us some unwanted chores for going to get a new battery. Oh well, now we were hungry...and couldn't really drive around in the truck...but luckily, right on queue, a taxi pulled up to my building (apparently to pick up a drunk party girl that lives upstairs' friend...but we'll meet them soon enough). We asked him if he knew of a good pizza place that delivered (since 411 & GPS suck) and he told us about Round Rock Pizza & gave us the number. Good guy. He gave me his card. The pizza was amazing...and we slept on air mattresses with full bellies.

Sunday, we unloaded the van in just over two hours...then headed to Reno to the closest Wal-Mart for a battery...and some groceries & stuff. We got back around sunset, got Brandy running, and I showed my dad the new job location. Then we noticed something, a fog coming from the defroster. F my life. Basically, the heater coil is ruptured or whenever it's heated, it's burning anti-freeze into the cab of the car & fogs up the windshield...and because it's located in the dash, it'd cost more to fix it than Brandy's worth (you know, being over 217,000 miles it's only a matter of time before EVERYTHING combusts). So I wasn't able to take my dad around town like I wanted...and I need a new mountain ready car. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise...but we'll see how it goes. We went into downtown, showed him around...but everything was uberexpensive, so we got more Round Rock Pizza with some wings & watched "Demolition Man" while chatting about whatever. Again, my dad is AMAZING!!! That night, I slept on my luxurious bed...and yes, I did offer it to my dad...but he insisted on sleeping on the couch...and rather enjoyed it.

Monday was my first day at the new job...and it was only a half-day because I had to take my dad to the airport in the afternoon. I still met a lot of my coworkers...and they all seem great. It's going to be a fun experience. After work, I picked up my dad, drove him to the airport, thanked him profusely and made it back home to start unpacking everything. Basically, Tuesday & Wednesday was working all day then unpacking & arranging all night. Oh...and my niece Kairi was "kidnapped" again...but this time, I'm thinking that my crack whore ex-sister-in-law screwed herself over...but we'll see what the courts have to say about that in the next week hopefully.

Today being Thanksgiving, I'm here at a Starbucks enjoying a venti caramel apple spice & using the internet since I don't have the utilities set up quite yet. I'm making a pot roast as we speak...a pork roast actually with fresh ground peppercorn, chopped onions, carrots, green beans, potatoes, etc. and slowly marinated over several hours. I'll also be picking up a pumpkin pie before too long. Also, my roommate left yesterday from he'll probably be here tomorrow or Saturday...with his sister helping. I'll be giving him a call later to make sure everything's okay.

What am I thankful for? EVERYTHING!!! First & foremost, my wonderful family & outstanding network of friends across the globe. My father who helped me move to this new adventure in a mountain paradise...despite fairly serious injury. My mother who always has my back & loves me with all of her heart. My brother who's a great father who would do anything for his kids. My stepparents who are there for me too. This new exciting job, my new home, my wonderful & helpful neighbors, and I can only assume that my roommate will be fantastic as well. My great health. The body of a woman. Laughter & smiles. Technology that keeps me in touch with my peeps. Pumpkin pie. EVERYTHING!!! It's all so amazing. I wish you could all come experience it with me.

What are you thankful for?

Well, I'd better get back to my roast. Also, my time's gonna expire here soon. Have a wonderful holiday weekend everybody!!! I'll get back to you when I can. Thank you!!! I love you all madly.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Off Like A Prom Dress

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I'm all packed up and ready to go. The best part was...I've come to the conclusion that I've been under the weather the past few days (thanks Barbie) but I've been too damn busy to realize it other than for the occasional cold sweats. Not fun...but hey, sh*t has to be done, right? On top of all the packing and what-have-you, I've also been thinking a lot. I typically think a all the time...but this past week it's been about...well, everything. Obviously I'm a little concerned about the move...and that's to be expected. Obviously help from my family & friends and a lot of research over the past four months or so has helped out immeasurably. However, this week, I was mostly thinking about WHY I was moving to Lake Tahoe.

As you may know from reading this blog for a few years (I'm sure there's one or two of you out there), my family is very important to me. My parents are amazing...but then again, what else would you expect from Batman & Wonder Woman? Even my stepparents are awesome...though one's a witch and the other's a sloth...but they're great parents and always there if I need somebody to talk to. My brother's really blossoming into a great guy...and you know that I have the most adorable nieces & nephew in all of the world. I have the most incredible network of friends & family that a man could ask for. What does this have to do with anything? They're all centered here in Slick City. The only person that I know within an 8-hour drive of Lake my stepsister & her family who live in Carson and I really only see her on Christmas. Why in the hell would I want to leave all of them behind? What could possibly motivate me to just pack up and leave a perfect situation where I'm completely surrounded by family & friends? Not only that...but it took me about three seconds to accept that job in Lake Tahoe once it was offered. Even that seemed like a little longer than necessary...but why?

Is the job paying me more? Of course it is. Why would I even consider it otherwise? However, the cost of living is more there in Truckee as really, I'd say it's pretty much even keel with what I'm making now (which mind you is substantially less than it was before I moved to Denver this time last year). So it's not the money that's motivating me. The job itself is exciting and the team I'll be working with seems like a great group...but it's basically just a return to what I was doing in Denver...or here in Slick City for years before that. So it's kinda the job...but then again, there are plenty of ways to make money for a hustler like me...especially one with flexible morals like myself.

Am I running away from something? Not at all. I don't have any crazy ex-girlfriends or ex-wives, baby mamas trying to get child support out of me, angry husbands looking for the man with the tattoo of a smiley face on his ass cheek, anything like that. Hell, if anything, I'm running TOWARDS responsibilities by basically being on my own...which thinking about it really isn't what I want to do...but hey, I'm a 28-year-old man now. It was bound to happen. Basically, I'm going into a new town, new job, new surroundings, alone and basically scared sh*tless because I'm leaving everything & everyone that I've ever known...and going live in the same place where the Donner Party was forced to eat each other during peak tourist season. So the question remains...

WHY AM I DOING THIS? Why does any man do anything? For the poon tang. Okay, obviously that's not the case. I was just checking to see if you were still reading. Honestly, looking at it in this logical sense so far, it really doesn't make any sense at all. And you know how I love my logical approach to most things. Listing out the Pros & Cons, countless comparisons, running over scenarios all day every day in my head to the point of tedium. That being said...I really do feel like this is the right move for me (obviously or I wouldn't be going suddenly into debt to pull this off). I don't know, maybe it's subconsciously me just going up against all my fears and proving to myself that I can be my own man...and overcome any obstacle or some crazy stuff like that. Maybe it's that I'll be living in an absolute mountain town paradise that's still very close to the ocean, casinos, my family, and everything else. Maybe it's just that I need something new & exciting to get me out of bed in the morning (though that really hasn't been much of a problem...and instead I'll be replacing it with cold lonely nights). Whatever it may be, I just have a feeling that this is the right move for me. I is you have seen from the pictures of my limited experience...and yeah, I'll be alone to begin with...but I'm pretty good at making friends...and there'll be plenty of new people to town looking to make cool friends like me. Who knows? Maybe there's a sweet young thang out there just waiting to meet a great guy like me to try out her book that she got for Christmas last year, "The Joy of Sex...and Cooking." I don't know exactly why...but I just really feel like this can be an incredibly good thing for me.

Please don't think for a minute that this hasn't been a really tough choice for me. I really do care about each and every one of you...and that's why I pray for you every night. Oh yeah, I pray...hard. I'm going to miss you guys...but it's not like I'm going to the island of Vanuatu to be completely cut off from society (though you wouldn't know it based on how dramatic I'm making this whole thing). I'll just be in a resort town in California...and I'm sure my friends & family will come I'll visit them when time permits. In this age of technology, we can always get a hold of each other too. Facebook, telephones, text messages, web-based journals, carrier pigeons, the postal system, television, radio waves, telepathy, smoke signals, you all know how to reach me...and vice versa. And I'm still going to pray for you every night...and be there when you need somebody to talk to...because that's what friends are for.

Anyway, my dad & I leave in the morning...and it may be a few days before you hear back from me...but don't worry, I'll drive safely and I'll be sure to send a text message or something letting you all know that I made it. Just know that I'm going to miss you guys until we meet again...and don't be afraid to drop me a line & tell me about your day...and I'll tell you about my wacky, beautiful and/or sexy adventures with a backdrop as Mark Twain said, "The Fairest Picture The Whole Earth Can Afford!" Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Flying Ninja Elvi

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The weekend in Vegas was a lot of fun. Many thanks to Bubbles for making it so. Basically, Friday & Saturday nights we went to various bars including PT's and the Yardhouse with some of her friends from work and had a great old time...and then recovered during the day. I even helped out by babysitting Keanna for her roommate. Not a big deal because she can be a lot of fun (until she gets bratty, probably needing a nap) but we had a good time. Bubbles was also an amazing friend as always telling me how excited she was about me starting at Lake Tahoe & how I'm going to be wonderful & have nothing to worry about because I make friends everywhere I go & everybody's going to visit because it's such an amazing place...which logically I knew...but I guess when I had a few drinks my mind kind of shut down and my worries rose to the top. That's what friends are there for...and that's why I'm always there for her when she has had similar concerns about Vegas when she moved down there. Thanks Bubbles!!! You're more amazing than you even know...and I hope that you realize that one day.

So I'm back & getting everything packed for the big move this weekend...but I did take time last night to go to BIRTHDAY dinner with JL Clyde & her family (since it was a free meal at the Bayou with good people, was I gonna say no?) at the Bayou. Hadn't been there since my birthday party just before I moved back here. Good eats, good beers, good times. Sorry I don't have a whole lot of stories and stuff to share with you about the Vegas trip but I'll be sure to catch you up one day. For example, the story about how the f**k this gaping wound to my pants came to happen while eating a meal at the Yardhouse...

By the way, it may or may not involve ninja assassins and catlike reflexes on my part. You gotta love those wacky Vegas nights. Have a great day everybody!!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Beautiful Day

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Tomorrow night I'm heading to Vegas for the weekend...then after that, I'm basically just packing & working until I end up living in Lake Tahoe. Being the last few days of work at my current job is a little hard to stay focused...but hey, I do okay. I'm a little anxious about my new move...but it'll be fantastic. I just have to be me and do what I do. So until you hear from me again, here's an update on this beautiful world...

Dollhouse Cancelled - Well, it appears once again that Joss Whedon & Eliza Dushku are both ahead of their time...and keep getting screwed over by Fox and their famous Friday night timeslot of Death. "Dollhouse" will soon be going out of business. The Joss Whedon fantasy drama ends after its current 13-episode order, with the series finale scheduled to air January 22nd, according to a person familiar with the show who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he wasn't authorized to discuss it. Off the Fox schedule during November, it returns December 4th. "Dollhouse" is about a high-tech prostitution service (I love simplification by the media) with Eliza Dushku starring as an escort who can be implanted with different personalities to accommodate each client. Created by Whedon, best known for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," the series arrived last February with great fanfare, but struggled to find an audience. Its cancellation was first reported Wednesday by the Hollywood Reporter. no more Eliza Dushku in dominatrix outfits and trying to save the future from human nature & technological advancements that sap away our humanity. I'm sure they'll fill it up the timeslot with yet another failed vehicle for a mediocre stand-up comedian...or maybe a "reality" show which boils down to a whore-off over a multi-millionaire jackass. Hmm, I wonder if they'd bring Temptation Island back... Anyway, I'm sure they have great plans for a show that are far better than "Dollhouse" or "Firefly" or anything like that. Good luck Fox. Honestly, I think the only chance you have for something if Megan Fox is in it...and then you'd better have some great writers...because it's going to be REALLY hard to top Eliza & Joss. Period.

Brazilian Schoolgirl - Since we're talking about sexy people, I think I'll continue with the theme. A female Brazilian student who was expelled from a Sao Paulo university after her short dress sparked student protests has been allowed back after federal prosecutors opened an investigation into the case. The Universidade Bandeirante made the reversal after taking out advertisement space in Sunday newspapers to explain that it had expelled Geysi Villa Nova Arruda, 20, for her "incompatible posture with the atmosphere" at the school. That decision, and video showing Arruda being hounded out by hundreds of students at the university, prompted a heated debate in the Latin American country known for its racy Carnival festivities and tiny bikinis but which also has a strong conservative streak. The university, which had described the protests against Arruda in October as an act of "defense" by the student body, changed its stance on Monday after a federal investigation was launched. Bandeirantes university had said that Arruda's expulsion was due to her behavior, saying she had acted provocatively by raising her dress (oooh, I like where this is going), something she denied. She said she would return to the school to complete the academic year. "In fact, I was very scared. I was the victim," O Globo newspaper on Tuesday quoted Arruda as saying. "I don't plan to change the way I am or the way I dress." Don't you dare change a thing. In fact, I'll go one step further, if the Brazilian student body doesn't appreciate your student body, then come on out to the United States, where we appreciate the female form. Also, bring a lot of your friends too. If you'd like, I can hook you up with my friend Lilie's number...seeing as her apartment complex is like an international melting pot of collegiate hotties (or at least that's what she tells me...probably to toy with me). Either way, keep standing proud...and fighting the good fight.

Miss England Barfight - Maybe that fighting the good fight wasn't the best choice of words. Across the Pond, beauty pageant winner Miss England gave up her title on Friday after reports she had been involved in a nightclub brawl with another beauty queen (ultimate catfight). Rachel Christie (hot niece of former British Olympic gold medal sprinter Linford Christie) was arrested earlier this week after allegedly getting into a fight with Miss Manchester, Sara Jones, at a club in the northern English city. Christie, who had become the first black winner of the title in July, was accused of punching Jones in a row over her boyfriend who appears on the TV show "Gladiators," the papers said. "Due to the media attention following the allegations against her, Rachel Christie has now decided to withdraw from the Miss World competition and relinquish her Miss England crown," the pageant organizers said in a statement on the Miss England website. "Rachel will concentrate on clearing her name and focus on training for the 2012 Olympics until this case is resolved." Christie says she wants to emulate her uncle and win gold at the 2012 Olympics in London in the heptathlon. I can see this starting not over a boyfriend...but over soccer or futbol or whatever you wanna call it. Just enjoying a game on the tellie when somebody says something like "COME ON YOU REDS!!! Hey missy with the sash, you fancy the Manchester United?" "(Unintelligible English colloquialisms) Liverpool." "LIVERPOOL? F**K LIVERPOOL!!!" "Excuse me sir, I'll have you know that I'm not only a beauty queen...but a heptathlete...and I will surely kick your arse." "I'm not going to hit a woman." Then a fist flies in from the side, "But I will, b**ch!!!" "Sara Jones? You dizzy c**t!!!" Then an epic battle royale of dress tearing and sash strangling ensues...and not one person in the bar is doing ANYTHING to stop it. "Damn my cell battery's dead. Is anybody getting video of this?" Oh what an age we live in...

Where the Ugly People Are - Have you ever wondered where the ugly people of the world live? Me neither...but apparently somebody out there did...and their findings say that Britons are among the ugliest people in the world, according to a dating website that says it only allows "beautiful people" to join. Fewer than one in eight British men and just three in 20 women who have applied to have been accepted, an emailed statement from the website showed. Existing members of the "elite dating site" rate how attractive potential members are over a 48 hour period, after applicants upload a recent photo and personal profile. Swedish men have proved the most successful, with 65% being accepted, while Norwegian women are considered the most beautiful with 76% accepted, the website said. The way that accepts new members is simple. A potential member applies with a photo and a brief profile. Over 48 hours, existing members of the opposite sex vote whether or not to admit them, the site said. Options are: "Yes definitely," "Hmm yes, O.K," "Hmm no, not really" and "No definitely not." The site was founded in 2002 in Denmark and went live across the globe last month. Since then, the site has rejected nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries, admitting just 360,000 new members. "I would say Britain is stumbling because they don't spend as much time polishing up their appearance and they are letting themselves down on physical fitness," Beautiful People managing director Greg Hodge said. "Next to Brazilian and Scandinavian beauties, British people just aren't as toned or glamorous." Only the male Russian and Polish applicants fared worse than British men, although Russian women had a 44 % acceptance rate (blame Bond movies & mail order brides). Polish women did not appear in the table. German applicants were slated for offering up unflattering photographs, which may have hindered their acceptance rates at 15% for men and 13% for women, the lowest rate in their category. "German men and women aren't faring well, but they are submitting stern images, they need to soften up," Hodge said. So are you incredibly good-looking and want the world to judge you? Then give it a shot. See if you have what it takes to join

Megan Fox Update - Megan Fox is already eyeing a career out of the spotlight - she wants to devote her life to helping the less fortunate. The sexy actress has skyrocketed to fame starring in hit blockbusters including the Transformers franchise, but insists she won't feel fulfilled until she uses her high-profile to better the lives of others. She says, "Overall, in terms of this business, I hope to gain the status that will enable me to be truly and legitimately helpful to people. I feel like that's my purpose in life, to do charity work and help people around the world on a global level. Being part of this business, you have so much influence and you can really make a difference. I'm drawn towards the idea of somehow helping children." Remember last year when she played a character playing Mother Teresa in "How to Lose Friends & Alienate People"? No? You didn't see that movie? Okay, well I did...and now, I'm kind of hoping that movie really does happen...where Megan Fox plays Mother Teresa. So what if it's like Jason Statham playing Gandhi (which I would also see) but hey, if she wants to make a difference...then I say that she brings the heartwarming story of self-sacrifice to the big screen...and let's face it, there are dozen, baker's dozens of people who would go to see it. Seriously, if Hillary Swank can play Amelia Earhart & Winona Ryder can play in a period piece...then why can't Miss Fox play a nun. Make it happen Hollywood. I know that you're stealing ideas from my blog anyway.

Anyway, that should hold you over for a while...and if not, check the old stuff. It's not just there for my entertainment. Hope to talk to y'all soon. In the meantime, have a great day!!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Boobies Must Be Warm At All Times

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I HAVE A PLACE TO STAY IN LAKE TAHOE!!! Long story short, after checking out over a dozen places, and finding out a few others were for ski leases only, and after finding out others were already rented out, and calling on a bunch of roommates opportunities, and finding out that some apartment places have waiting lists more than a year in advance, the place that I ended up going for was found just driving around a neighborhood that I was interested in that was convenient to my new job. Basically, it's as close as I can get to my new job without being independently wealthy. First though, do you want me to go over some of the other options? Maybe teach ya a little bit about the area that I'll be living? No? Well, I'm gonna show you a few pictures anyway, just because I'm really excited about this...and I feel like I should share the majesty of the North Lake Tahoe, Truckee, King's Beach, Northstar area with that maybe you'll come visit...especially you ladies during those long, cold winter nights. By the way, did I mention that I have a fireplace? And the starlight is almost blinding there?

Saturday, I flew into Reno (biggest little city in the world), picked up my G6 rental car and made way to hotel where I would spend the first night, the Hampton Inn Truckee. Nice place...and the staff was more than accommodating (and I'm pretty sure that the cutie at the front desk was checking me out a few times...and that may have played into it). When their business center computer was on the fritz, they let me use there's in the back-of-house office area to check on locations in the area. Also, the breakfast was pretty good too. I highly recommend them...especially since they don't have a whole lot of competition right there in the immediate Truckee area. Now, for a little background on the city of Truckee, California, located just off I-80 about thirty minutes west of Reno, directly north of Lake Tahoe. It's basically a small quiet mountain town with a Historic Downtown with a few restaurants, bars, art galleries located along the Truckee River...and train tracks run right along the main street, Donner Pass Road. There are also neighborhoods that range from trailer parks to low income housing to condos to luxurious log cabins to million dollar homes. The best part is though, you can hardly tell from how beautiful the surroundings are. I think there's only like 15,000 people in the city. Pretty small town feel and everything. This is my new home, or rather center of operations. I spent the day driving around town to get familiar with the streets (before the walls of snow come into play) and setting up appointments to check out places. Even saw one later in the day...but it would require me to have roommates...and was a bit out of the way. Here are some pictures...
First place, not bad...but needed roommates to afford
Oh yeah, that's diamond plated cabinets
The hot tub would've been nice...
Outhouses? Nope. Storage.

Sunday, I woke up nice & early, had a hearty breakfast and set out to find a home. My first few stops were in the King's Beach area. Now, King's pretty cool. It's located on the northern shore of Lake Tahoe with, as the name would imply, plenty of beached recreation areas. The housing is...a little lower scale. It's not horrible by any means...but it's the more affordable area of town. It kind of looks like where there was once a campground with little individual cabins...that were converted into homes. A lot of small motels, A-frame homes, pretty basic homes...but like I said, it's affordable and located right on the northern shore. The one drawback really...was the steep drive up Northstar Mountain that I would have to do everyday (ala Parley's Canyon to get to Park City) whereas Truckee has a more horizontal approach. Here are some pictures...
Best thing about this area
The Beach is a few blocks away
This was a close one, favorite in King's Beach
Met neighbor Patty & her dog too
Then I was shown a few VERY small places

Later in the day, I met up with new Boss Lady B for the first time...and she's just AWESOME!!! She's a spunky, funny Kiwi who was really excited to get to know me, help me find a place, cooked me dinner TWICE, made sure that I had a clean bed to sleep in and...just AWESOME!!! She also had a black lab mix named Sadie...and she really liked me too. What can I say? B**ches love me. After meeting her & Sadie for the first time, I looked at a few more properties...and here are those pictures...
Saw two of the exact same layout but different prices
This one was on Northstar Mountain but
was furnished...apparently for an elderly couple

Monday, I woke up with a good feeling. I hadn't really found anything that was a sureshot for a new home...but I had more to see...and I just had a good feeling. You know how it is, right? Anyway, I continued my search...and stumbled upon a For Rent sign by a place on the list...and it proved to be intriguing. Anyway, here are the pictures...
Love that this sign was up at my new job
Now you know about the entry title
Sawmill Heights - Very small accommodations
Typically for temporary workers in the area
Affordable it was high on the list
These next two pictures...are the entire studio
This one had an open layout...but a major 70's feel to it
Also, I'm not sure if this was supposed to be
storage or a loft for a twin bed...but it's the only window
Ready to see my new apartment?
Pretty standard kitchen
Nice, big living room...with a fireplace...
...and a BIG DECK!!!
The bedrooms aren't big...but big enough...and deck access

So basically, after all that research & investigation, I ended up going with a place that I just kind of stumbled upon driving around the neighborhood I was interested in. It just goes to show, it all happens for a reason. So I'm really excited to get over there and get started with my new job and my new surroundings. I'm absolutely going to miss Slick City...and my current job...and my family & friends who all live here...but I'll be visiting when I get the chance. I want to see my niece & nephew grow up. I want to see my mom, my dad, my brother, my friends, all of them...but I'm just needing to progress in this career of mine and, times being what they are, apparently I have to move to ski resort towns and hang out with snow bunnies. It's a rough life but somebody has to live it. Besides, now you all have a hookup in Lake Tahoe. Have a great day everybody!!!

Where Should I Go Next?