You Know You're In Vegas When...

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Vegas was amazing. How do I know this? Because right now, my left thumbnail is cracked, same wrist is jammed a little, my whole body is a little sore, my head ached (better now), I'm sleep deprived, drained of bodily fluids, I kinda forgot to eat some days (drinking mostly), there are bruises, scratches, and bitemarks all over my body...and I lost my cell phone. Now, don't get too excited. All of this wasn't because of some hot, torrid love affair or anything. The thumb & wrist are because of the mechanical bull (oh yeah, this country boy can ride a bit), the soreness and drained of fluids was because of all the line dancing, headache and eating was because of alcohol's high carbohydrate content, the bruises were from rough and tumble cowgirls who like to punch and slap, and the scratches and bitemarks...were from big dogs that like to snuggle when you're sleeping on their couch...and have sharp teeth apparently. By the way, have you ever seen those shows were somebody's making out with a really hot chick…and then they wake up and the dog's licking their face and/or sniffing their crotch? That's not funny. Has that ever happened to you? Me neither. I don't know why I even brought that up.

Oh…and the cell phone was also lost partly because of the mechanical bull…and the array of beverages that I drank before. If the phone thing turns out to be a missing…then I may have to ask that you all send me your phone numbers again and any numbers that you think I might be interested in…or this may be your chance to be rid of me forever if you so wish. Honestly, the only phone numbers that I know off the top of my head are mine, my mom's, my dad's (home not cell), Bubbles and a Papa John's Pizza in Rose Park. I also realized yesterday that I've drank more in the past two weeks with Christmas back home and Vegas this weekend...than I did the previous six months or so...maybe more. That being said, it was a great trip…and thank you Bubbles, Barbie and Keanna for making it fun. As for the details and pictures, here you go…

Let's see, last year when I left you, I had just handed out my 2008 $tevie Awards…and shortly after was surprised to get an email from two-time winner Bubbles with a brief acceptance speech…and then we tried to come up with a plan for New Year's…and then decided to just play it by ear (inexpensive). After work, I finished packing up my luggage and took the shuttle to the airport, flew there, Bubbles picked me up…and we went to P.T.'s to meet up with her friend Harpie who we housesitted for last time I was up there. It's a nice little bar…and it was karaoke night…so you know where this is going. The selection was…average. They didn't have the first few songs that I was looking for…so I decided to sing some Akon for Bubbles and Harpie (a HUGE fan of hip-hop) and the only song they had…was one that I barely knew, "Don't Matter" but I did okay. I think. I was a few beers and shots of (shiver) tequila behind at that point. Why that one then? You'll see later. Anyway, I was singing plenty of other songs that came on…and the ladies and other patrons were entertained, so it all worked out.

The next day…was New Year's Eve. Bubbles had to work a few hours (and you can guess how she felt) and I gave my belated Christmas presents to Barbie & Keanna. What were they? Well, Keanna got a Magna Doodle (to save on paper around the house) and Barbie got a little massager and some bath salts & oils…so that she can relax after a hard day at work. Later, Bubbles and I exchanged gifts. I got her a Grumpy Bear plush (her favorite) and Akon's new CD (yes, the karaoke was a little bit of a foreshadow). What did I get? Books…but great ones. I got a book titled "Dirty, Filthy Jokes" filled with dirty, filthy jokes (and a few really lame ones) and another book called "200 Great Place to See" with the Taj Mahal on the cover (she knows I'm illiterate so it's a picture book) and basically, I see it as a to-do list for the world. I haven't really looked it over yet…but I'm sure that I've seen at least one of two or them already. Awesome. Here are some pictures…

I also had a wonderful lunch with Bubbles, Harpie, Valkyrie, and Harpie's mom and daughter at Café Rio. Valkyrie used to be my Boss Lady and I hadn't seen her in a while, so that was awesome…and everybody else was cool too. Harpie's mom is from Alabama and is just hilarious. Since we didn't have much to do during the day, we didn't get much sleep the night before and we had a big night ahead of us, we all napped in the afternoon. I miss naps. More so than recess and juice boxes combined. Anyway, after that, we a sandwich at Harpie's and headed out to see the fireworks. Now, normally I'd have some breathtaking photos of cascading sparks and radiant sky fire…but the vantage point where we watched the fireworks wasn't really within range of my camera. It was a hill a few miles from the Strip, so I'm not going to bore you with the pictures…well, maybe just one…and after that, we went to P.T.'s again for some cheap drinks and billiards and good tunes 'til about 4:30 in the morning. Now for some pictures...

"Nice kicks"

This was the view of the Strip

Watch out for these two...

They'll hustle you out of more than just your cash

The next day, we were both pretty sick…which was weird because I didn't drink too much (designated driver) and I'm pretty sure it was the turkey in the sandwich at Harpie's. So yeah, the first day of 2009…was basically spent sleeping in late and Keanna & I played Magna Doodle and Trouble (second time in a week). Not really much to report this day.

Friday, Bubbles & I went to see "The Spirit" starring Samuel L. Jackson, Gabriel Macht, Scarlett Johannsen and the incredible eye candy that is Eva Mendes. It's the story of a mysterious superhero (Macht) that fights the evil kingpin Octopus (Jackson) and apparently there's some kind of back-story to him…but it's all about the mystery so I'm not going to spoil it. I'll let the movie do that. Now, going into this movie, I was expecting "300" or "Sin City" with Frank Miller directing and just an incredibly cool masterpiece of comics-come-to-life…but this movie was not. The dialogue was…ridiculous. Really bad. It was almost funny…but wasn't, how bad the dialogue was. More annoying than anything. Sure, it was pretty cool from a visual standpoint as far as the black & white with little red & blue & gold accents where deemed fitting…but yeah, I wouldn't get too excited to see it. It's okay at best. I hope that Frank Miller gets to making Sin City 2 soon…but I think he's doing some other project first. Sigh…oh well, it's his baby. He can make it when & however he wants.

After that, we went to Timbers and had a few drinks (sound like a theme yet?) and some chicken tenders and watched the last few minutes of the UNDEFEATED UTAH UTES BEAT ALABAMA IN THE SUGAR BOWL. Now, there's no way that you can convince me that the U of U shouldn't get at least a piece of the college football National Championship. There's just no way. Don't even try. Why? Whoever is "officially" going to win it…has lost a game this year. Utah has NOT!!! Even Ball State & Boise State and all those weak scheduled undefeated teams lost their bowl game…against lesser teams. Some may say that it's because they didn't play good teams. Well, they played four Top 25 teams…and beat them all. How many has Florida played? Oklahoma may have played that many…but they lost one. Go on. Any other arguments? Didn't think so. Congratulations University of Utah on your undefeated and underappreciated season!!! I'm proud of you guys. Much respect.

Saturday was a fairly lazy day…where we watched movie like "Without a Paddle", "Braveheart" and one which I hadn't seen before - "Matilda" with Danny Devito, Rhea Perlman and the little girl from Mrs Doubtfire. It was actually a pretty good show. Obviously it's a kid's movie based on the series of books…but yeah, I definitely say check it out. It'll make you laugh a little bit…and that's what's important. After that, we (Bubbles, Harpie & myself) headed to Stoney's Rockin' Country where Bubbles had told me months ago that I had to visit. Now, I'm not a huge country fan. I like Johnny Cash for my sad songs…but I was raised on line dancing (sadly enough) so I can boot scoot boogie…even without boots. Also, guys, do yourself a favor...and check out some of the activities that they have...like mud wrestling, unlimited draft nights and then throw in that the girls walk aroundin leather bikinis and chaps. You're welcome. I was also told that there was a Mechanical Bull. Didn't know how I would do…and there's only one way to find out. The ladies said that I did pretty well…even though the pictures are really bad in the dim light with my camera…but here you go…

"Ride 'em cowgirl!!!"

Dr. Love leap frogs onto the bull...simply because he could

After a few hours & drinks, we got some breakfast (blueberry pancakes) and headed home around 3 AM. Great place that Stoney's. I highly recommend it if you're looking for a good time. I would actually go again…but I would need to dance some more, especially if I'm the designated driver and not allowed to drink much. Watching girls on the Bull is fairly entertaining too. Not quite sure why.

Sunday, Bubbles was sick (damn tequila virus) but I didn't get up until late anyway…and I was babysitting Keanna, which wasn't that bad. Why? Because it was Sunday…and the Eagles were playing. I may have converted little Keanna into an Eagles fan yesterday with passing a plush football around all day while watching the Eagles DESTROY the Vikings and move on to the next round of the playoffs, to beat the Giants next week in New York (or I guess New Jersey officially). I'm telling ya, the Eagles are going to the Super Bowl. The other team I predicted didn't make it past the first round surprisingly…but the Eagles look strong…and down to get the friction on. So ladies (yeah) ladies (yeah) do you wanna roll in my Mercedes? (yeah) Okay, sorry got off track. We watched some football and had a groovy time…then Bubbles drove me to Stoney's to see if they had my phone but they weren't open yet and the guy that was there wasn't letting us in, so she's going to check it out tonight. See, I pulled it out of my pocket so that it wouldn't get broken when/if I got bucked off the bull and left it with the operator. Since I was on the bull for so long, I must have just forgotten about it when I finally got bucked off. Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I didn't just forget about it until the next morning when I was curious what time it was and why I was so damn unpopular all of a sudden. That would be silly. Oh yeah…and then to the airport and home via aeroplane…and then shuttle…which took a loooooong time to drop me off around 1:30 AM last night/this morning…so bed around two-something and then rise and shine for work at 6:30.

I could use a nap…but I've gotta do some grocery shopping and cell phone figuring first. I could really use the gym too…but that's probably not going happen…what with all the soreness and lack of energy…but we shall see. Maybe I'll catch a second wind. Oh, on that note, I found out that the basketball league thing that I was invited to play on…may be starting as soon as next week. We'll see. Super excited about that. My mom's also coming in next weekend...but with my aunt that I can't stand...so it's kind of a Catch 22. Oh well, it's worth it. Anyway, that'll do it for today. Thanks for listening to me ramble about my trip. Hopefully you found it entertaining…and big thanks to Bubbles, Barbie and Keanna for letting me crash at their place for five days & nights…and their damn dogs for ruining my dreams in the most awkward of ways. At least they were girl dogs. Have a great night everybody!!!