Thursday, January 29, 2009

Babymaking with Dr Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today is Boss Man J's birthday…and I made him some cookies (didn't think that steak & potatoes would keep as well) and he seemed to like them, so cool beans. Other than that, I really don't have much to blab about. Went to the gym for the first time in almost two weeks. Everybody in my apartments is still sick…and if it's not this flu thing going around, it might be the water. It's been especially hard the past few weeks and I've been a little dehydrated for that time…despite drinking lots of water. Anyway, I'll get to the bottom of it…because rent's due in a few days and I don't wanna pay an outrageous amount of money for my bachelor pad when I can't even drink the water and be healthy. Anyway, enough of my complaining. Let's talk about making babies...

Octuplets - Okay, so I'm assuming by now that you've all heard about the Octuplets. No? Okay, well in Bellflower, California a woman gave birth to EIGHT babies (six boys & two girls) despite being nine weeks premature (yes, it was a C-section). It took a team of 46 to make it happen. Now, I had a few questions as to how this was possible…because in my opinion, four or more is a litter of children. So how can a human female have eight babies? Drugs. No, not crack or smack or pepper jack…but fertility drugs which cause a woman to drop more eggs than normal…like apparently a whole dozen at a time…just not leaving a mess on the kitchen floor immediately.

Does a mom carrying octuplets need to eat more?

"We recommend 300 extra calories per baby," Dr. James Airoldi said, adding though that with eight babies, the extra calorie intake would not be feasible (multiply 300 by 8 ... 2,400 extra calories). "They can't because their bellies are so big. So usually it amounts to trying to eat small frequent meals and trying to keep your calories up to at least 3,000 calories per day," he added.

Does carrying octuplets put more stress on a woman's body?

A resounding yes. "These babies are the most efficient parasites in the world. (Finally, another doctor agrees with me) They are taking every ounce of iron to build their red blood cells and every ounce of calcium to build their bones. So if mom isn't supplemented, mom is going to end up with nothing in the bank." Wo what, you skipped a few steps in there. You started talking about mom's body and red blood cells and calcium and then…whoops, they're already going to community college. You definitely missed a few steps in there. Diapers, food, toys, don't even think about vacations, child care, insurance, you may have to sell two or three just to make ends meet. Blonde haired, blue eyed babies get top dollar in the Middle East…er, so I'm told. The cost of raising a child is IMMENSE. Even the Wal-Mart shopping, one-ply toilet paper, reusable diapers, hand-me-down clothing and toys and public schools route, it's staggering if you really think about it (believe me, I've seen my mom's receipts). However, what does this all mean…even for those 97% of us only having babies one at a time?

The Future of Babymaking - Fertility experts see the birth of octuplets as a serious medical complication, not a triumph of reproductive technology. "That's not what we consider a success," said Dr. Jamie Grifo, referring to the new octuplets. "We try to avoid twins, let alone triplets because of the risks. A single birth is risky. Twins are more risky. Triplets - it is exponentially more risky." Infertility affects about 20 percent of all U.S. women at some point in their reproductive lives, Grifo said, and that figure is likely to rise as more and more women have children later in life. Reproductive efficiency at age 30 is twice that of women at age 40, he said. Men do not experience a big change in fertility with age. Fertility treatments could be a factor that will result in declining fecundity (potential for fertility, such as regular menstrual cycles) across the generations, according to a 2008 editorial published in the journal BMJ. Assisted conception makes it so "subfertile couples may have as many children as fertile couples, so that genetic factors linked to infertility will become more prevalent in the generations to come," the authors wrote. This leads to fewer multiple births without drugs. For example, when's the last time you heard about triplets? Those hot blonde ones that were hanging around Hef for a while, right? Do any of you know triplets? This also leads to more infertility…which means more in-vitro fertilization and other methods…and eventually designer babies that we whip up in a computer. Okay, that may be a ways off…but yeah, have any of you seen "Children of Men" starring Clive Owen & Julianne Moore? You should. It's a great movie…and it's about infertility and how society kinda goes bonkers because of it. Great great flick.

I don't know. I'm a little concerned for the future of the planet…and the people that call it home. Sure, scientists can prove that anything causes cancer, the environment is turning on us and now there's basically nothing we can do, we're running out of space for people and resources to feed them, we're all gonna die, it's just a matter of where and when and how…and more importantly, who with. That's why this stuff intrigues me. I want to have a family some day. Wife would be a good start (or at least a girlfriend who wants me) followed by kids…and grandkids…and maybe even I'll stick around for the great-grandkids (though at this rate, I'll be like 150 years old by then) and I see friends and family of mine who have used IVF and other fertility medications…just to have a baby…and then there's me…who comes from a long line of fertile myrtles (mom was one of 17 and dad was one of eight kids…all single births) and the birth of a child is a great, fantastic thing for some people…and not for others…but yeah, I'm definitely one of the former group. I think I'd be a good dad. Maybe even great. Definitely satisfactory. A lot of people that I know without kids would make great parents…and then I look around…and my brother's breeding…and the movie "Idiocracy" comes to mind…and that Mike Judge comedy scares me a little bit because it's so true. What's my point? Who the Hell knows? Maybe it's just…be open to the Love. Don't overthink. It'll only bring ya down. (Believe me, I can't stop this noggin sometimes and it rarely helps) Surround yourself in great people that make you happy…and be there for them. You never know, it may be the last time that you see them. Might as well have a good memory, right? Forgive easily. Love deeply. All that other cliché mantra crap that you hear from me and emails from friends, family and people that somehow got your Yahoo address. Just enjoy your life…but be safe out there. Somebody misses you…and wants to hear from you. Give them a call. Your cell phone plan'll cover it. Anyway, here's a little more study information...

Future of Babynaming - My ridiculous baby naming abilities aside (still think Boss Lady D should name her son Optimus), now there appears to be a link between what you name a child…and their criminal record. Boys in the United States with common names like Michael and David are less likely to commit crimes than those named Ernest or Ivan. David Kalist and Daniel Lee of Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania compared the first names of male juvenile delinquents to the first names of male juveniles in the population. The researchers constructed a popularity-name index (PNI) for each name. For example, the PNI for Michael is 100, the most frequently given name during the period. The PNI for David is 50, a name given half as frequently as Michael. The PNI is approximately 1 for names such as Alec, Ernest, Ivan, Kareem, and Malcolm. Results show that, regardless of race, juveniles with unpopular names are more likely to engage in criminal activity. The least popular names were associated with juvenile delinquency among both blacks and whites. The findings, announced today, are detailed in the journal Social Science Quarterly. While the names are likely not the cause of crime, the researchers argue that "they are connected to factors that increase the tendency to commit crime, such as a disadvantaged home environment, residence in a county with low socioeconomic status, and households run by one parent. Also, adolescents with unpopular names may be more prone to crime because they are treated differently by their peers, making it more difficult for them to form relationships. Juveniles with unpopular names may also act out because they consciously or unconsciously dislike their names." The findings could help officials " identify individuals at high risk of committing or recommitting crime, leading to more effective and targeted intervention programs." So there we go, if you name your kid something unique, they're going to be a criminal…and put away to some special intervention program…because you named them after a video game character (that's right, I'm talking to you bro!!!). I don't hold a whole lot of merit in this study…but still, it's a little interesting…and yeah, unique people do get picked on more…but they also make history…and bring variety and new ways of thinking. Besides a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. Or a cow for that matter…

Got Milk? - Researchers in the UK say cows with names make 3.4 percent more milk in a year than cows that just feel, well, like cows. There seems to be more than just names involved, however. The study, involving 516 dairy farmers and published online Tuesday by the journal Anthrozoos, found that "on farms where each cow was called by her name the overall milk yield was higher than on farms where the cattle were herded as a group," write researchers Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University. Nobody likes to be herded. Even a cow, one might presume. Indeed, the findings in fact point to an overall personal touch that might say as much about the farmers as it does about the cows. "Just as people respond better to the personal touch, cows also feel happier and more relaxed if they are given a bit more one-to-one attention. By placing more importance on the individual, such as calling a cow by her name or interacting with the animal more as it grows up, we can not only improve the animal's welfare and her perception of humans, but also increase milk production." Happy cows? Okay. Well, if you are a farmer (especially one with a small farm that struggles to be profitable by milking only a handful of cows) you probably would not argue with success. Cows, after all (and in case you thinking of judging them as dumb animals) are known to have a magnetic sixth sense and are not as prone to cow-tipping as you might have heard. Who knows what else they are capable of? (Okay, I have to step in right here. I worked at a dairy farm for two years during high school…and there really is nothing cute, cuddly or magnetic about a cow…at all. They are dumb, smelly, delicious and fashionable animals…but I digress, they are still animals and everybody likes to be acknowledged. Just saying, based on my personal experience, they're no dogs…not even cats)

Dairy farmer Dennis Gibb, who co-owns Eachwick Red House Farm outside Newcastle with his brother Richard, says he believes treating every cow as an individual is vitally important. "They aren't just our livelihood - they're part of the family," Gibb said in a statement released by the university. "We love our cows here at Eachwick and every one of them has a name. Collectively we refer to them as 'our ladies' but we know every one of them and each one has her own personality."

The findings:

  • 46% said the cows on their farm were called by name.

  • 66% said they "knew all the cows in the herd."
  • 48% said positive human contact was more likely to produce cows with a good milking temperament.

  • Less than 10% said that a fear of humans resulted in a poor milking temperament.

Douglass goes on to say "Our data suggests that on the whole UK dairy farmers regard their cows as intelligent beings capable of experiencing a range of emotions. (I haven't even seen afraid as an emotion…and they had good reason for that) Placing more importance on knowing the individual animals and calling them by name can - at no extra cost to the farmer -- also significantly increase milk production." So there you go…and according to the earlier survey, if you name them something common like Betsy or Mary Lou or Roundtip, they also won't be that cow that holds up traffic by breaking out of the cage and standing stupidly in the middle of the road. Anyway, the point of the story is to try to use somebody's name each time that you talk to them…and establish a connection with them...and that relationship will be more productive, whether it's in a business atmosphere, personal relationship or casual acquaintance…like at a supermarket or something and they have a name tag. It's a proven fact. Try it out. You never know what will happen until you try. Just make sure that you pronounce the name right…otherwise they may become a criminal. "Hi there (gentleman's name tag says Jaquille), is it Ja-quill-ee? Jack-will? Ya-quill-ay?" "Ya-kill, mother lover!!!" "Oh! That's a…very handsome name. Is it…Spanish?" Yeah, probably a good idea to just call him Sir…otherwise it might wake up his parole officer. Anyway, don't be afraid to try it out and see the results.

That'll do it for today. We've had a lot of discussion about…well, really random stuff mostly involving babies and cows and name-calling. I guess there was a sort of theme…but obviously my blog is conformed to themes. I just get on rants and they stop after about…five pages or I get bored, whatever happens first. Thanks for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Have a great day everybody!!!


Doc said...

So my cow named Eugene Ivan Smythe will give more milk but engage in more criminal activity? Interesting...


$teve said...

Sorry Doc. I've always liked the name Eugene though. She'll make a fine burger someday. :)

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