Wedding Bells & Taco Shells

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Not a whole heck of a lot has happened in the last 24 hours. I worked out a bit and am still melting off those Holiday pounds and getting back into shape (since allegedly a basketball league starts pretty soon). I watched the first few episodes of "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" and it's a pretty good show. Not great by any means…but I can't really complain when there's Lena Headey, Summer Glau, cyborgs and time travel. Also been cooking a bit the past few days…and making turkey burgers. Barbie got me hooked on 'em in Vegas…and they're pretty damn good…and apparently healthier…unless you go and do something like put four or five strips of bacon and a few ounces of bleu cheese dressing on top…but still, healthier and delicious. If you mix in a little barbecue sauce with the ground turkey, it's even better…but not too much, you're not making sloppy Joes or anything. Also cooking rice and mixing in some vegetables to eat a little healthier…and start using some of the dozen or so sauces that I still have from last Christmas. The only problem is that I make a lot of stuff when I cook…and have to make sure I don't eat four bowls of it…because that just defeats the purpose. Anyway, that ends the cooking show for today. Can't wait for the Eagles to play this weekend and in the Super Bowl two weeks later. Should be a fun time. Anyway, here's some news...

Prenup Supreme - Wedding bells meant Taco Bell for Paul and Caragh Brooks. Customers inside the fast-food restaurant continued to order tacos and burritos as the couple sat Friday in an orange booth at Taco Bell and exchanged vows. The groom said, "It's appropriate. It's an offbeat relationship." Employees displayed hot sauce packets labeled with the words "Will you marry me?" They decorated the restaurant with streamers and balloons. The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress and the entire wedding cost about $200 (NICE!!!). Several dozen guests looked on as the couple's friend, Ryan Green of Normal, administered the vows while wearing a T-shirt. He was ordained online. "This is the way to go — there's no stress," said the groom's mother, Kathy Brooks. 21-year old Caragh Brooks of Australia met 30-year old Paul Brooks on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name (convenient). The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States. The groom Paul continued, "We have the same brain (and name apparently), just in two bodies. We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints." That may get a little boring after a while…but whatever, I'm happy for those kooks. He proposed on New Year's Eve and because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there. "I would never have expected in my life in working here there would be a wedding," restaurant manager Carl Hamlow said. Neither would I. Then again, that $200 price tag isn't too bad. In these economic times, that's not a bad idea. Then again, I'm the guy who wants to propose with a purple spider ring…so yeah, taco rules. Sigh…if only there was somebody out there for me...

Make An Old Lady Happy - A 107-year-old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young…or even absurdly old has decided to look for her first husband and hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about (like what? The Qin Dynasty?), a Chinese paper reported. Wang Guiying is worried she is becoming a burden to her ageing nieces and nephews since breaking her leg when she was 102 (and just realized it five years later) and had to stop doing chores like washing her clothes. "I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?" (You die alone...just like everybody else. Sorry, too grimm?) Born in southern Guizhou province the child of a salt merchant, Wang grew up watching her uncles and other men scold and beat their wives and often found her aunt crying in the woodshed after an attack, the paper said. "All the married people around there lived like that. Getting married was too frightening," she said of an era when Chinese women had few rights and low social standing (something to talk about?). Many also had their feet bound in an excruciating process aimed at making them look more dainty and marriageable. After Wang's father, mother and older sister died, she still shied away from marriage. Instead she moved to the countryside and survived as a farmer until she was 74 years old and no longer strong enough to work in the fields. Her nephew in the booming city of Chongqing then took Wang in (tehehehe…) but she is worried he and her other nephews and nieces are too old to take care of her now that even the youngest is 60. "My nephews and nieces are getting older and their children are already tied up with their own families and I am becoming more and more of a burden," she said. Local officials have said they are happy to help Wang search for a 100-year old groom, and suggested her family get in touch with old people's homes to find candidates.
Well, Wang…your prayers have been answered. I may not be a hundred years old…but if you wanna get married, I'm down. Why? Why not? Granted, you'll have to come here…because I assure you that I get paid more. Don't worry though, they have these new machines called airplanes…and you can be here in a matter of hours. No longer do you have to journey by sea for months at a time. I'll show you Denver, maybe even swing by Salt Lake City so that you feel at home (child of a salt merchant, remember?), introduce you to the family, we can talk about the good old days, have some tea, eat some chicken…and have a simple wedding…maybe at Panda Express…for a few hundred bucks (including catering). It'd be awesome…and the smile on your leathery face is all the thanks I need. No really. I'd probably be too scared to even hug you being 107 years old, though I'm sure you don't look a day over 85. Anyway, let me know. I'll just be here awaiting your decision.

Weight Loss & Sex - Obese men reported better sexual function after losing lots of weight in a new study, one of several to show the side benefits of slimming down. The research involved 97 men with an average age of 48, all of whom were "morbidly obese." The conclusions are based on the patients' own reporting of sexual function before and again several months after gastric bypass surgery that allowed them to shed significant poundage. "We estimate that a man who is morbidly obese has the same degree of sexual dysfunction as a non-obese man about 20 years older," the researchers conclude. While the results might make gastric bypass surgery seem attractive, the procedure is not without complications and often disappointing results. Experts suggest it only for the desperate who've had no luck cutting pounds through better diet and exercise. Risks range from vomiting to anemia, diarrhea and dizziness to death by respiratory failure or blood clots. Further, a patient's system post-surgery will not absorb nutrients as effectively as it should, according to the National Institutes of Health…but at least the sex might be better. However, the surgery works only if the patient makes wholesale changes to diet and lifestyle. "Without changing your lifestyle, the surgery will not be a success," the NIH states. A smarter strategy for most people would be exercise and good nutrition. In a 2006 study reported in the Journal of Urology, obese men who did little exercise were at 2.5 times greater risk for erectile dysfunction (ED) - certainly a showstopper behind closed doors - compared with men who were not overweight and averaged 30 minutes of vigorous exercise a day. Other research has shown that erectile dysfunction is "not a natural sign of aging," the NIH states. Rather, it indicates poor health. "It [ED] may mean your blood vessels are clogged. It may mean you have nerve damage from diabetes," according to the NIH. Men as young as 20 report erection problems attributed to obesity or inactivity. Smoking has also been linked to ED. The overall emerging point: Sex need not be a downhill slide if one can stay healthy and exercise into middle age. A survey reported in BJU International, the British journal of urology (not what I was thinking at all), showed that men in their 50s enjoy sex almost as much as those in their 20s. Well of course they do. What're they gonna say? "It was crap. Wasn't even worth my time." Of course not. That's just silly. Anyway, just thought you all might want to hear about that. Not exactly sure why…but yeah, I'm off to the gym again. Just thought I'd…throw that out there.

Fingers & Finances - The length of a man's ring finger may predict his success as a financial trader. Researchers at the University of Cambridge in England report that men with longer ring fingers, compared to their index fingers, tended to be more successful in the frantic high-frequency trading in the London financial district. Indeed, the impact of biology on success was about equal to years of experience at the job, the team led by physiologist John M. Coates reports in Monday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The same ring-to-index finger ratio has previously been associated with success in competitive sports such as soccer and basketball (hmm, I have a trophy & a legacy with those sports too). The length ratio between those two fingers is determined during the development of the fetus and the relatively longer ring finger indicates greater exposure to the male hormone androgen. Previous studies have found that such exposure can lead to increased confidence, risk preferences, search persistence, heightened vigilance and quickened reaction times (like a quick wit?). In a separate study last year, Coates and colleagues reported that the hormone that drives male aggression and sexual interest also seemed able to boost short term success at finance. They studied male financial traders in London, taking saliva samples in the morning and evening. They found that those with higher levels of testosterone in the morning were more likely to make an unusually big profit that day. Testosterone, best known as the male sex hormone, affects aggression, confidence, high-fiving, chest thumping and risk-taking.

In the new study, the researchers measured the right hands of 44 male stock traders who were engaged in a type of trade that involved rapid decision-making and quick physical reactions. Over 20 months those with longer ring fingers compared to their index fingers made 11 times more money than those with the shortest ring fingers. Over the same time the most experienced traders made about 9 times more than the least experienced ones. Looking only at experienced traders, the long-ring-finger folks earned 5 times more than those with short ring fingers. While the finger ratio, showing fetal exposure to male hormones, appears to signal likely success in high-actively trading that calls for risk-taking and quick reactions, it may not indicate people who would do well at other sorts of financial activities. Some traders require additional skills on dealing with clients and sales workers and the advantage may even reverse for some, Coates team said, such as traders taking a more analytical and long-term approach to the markets. One study, which looked at average finger ratios in university departments found that faculty from math, science and engineering exhibited longer index finger ratio, rather than ring finger, they noted. So basically, if you have a longer index finger ratio, you have brains…and if you have a longer ring finger ratio, you've got BALLS!!! Interesting. I have some pretty big hands. Not sure what the numbers are on the ratio (wasn't mentioned in the article) but my ring finger's a little longer…but I thought that everybody's was…then again, I recall something on MANswers about a longer index finger indicating a chick rather than a dude in chick's clothing. Don't laugh, it's actually a really entertaining and interesting show on Spike…with plenty of answers to questions about beer, boobs, urban myths and everything else Man.

Well, that'll do it for today. Can't wait for my mama to be here in three days…and guess what, SHE'S BRINGING MY NEW PHONE!!! The number will be the same…so feel free to send me text messages and what-have-you over the weekend so I have your info. My brother called me this morning to tell me all about the new phones…and allegedly they're really cool. I just need them to call and text…but you never know when GPS, internet access, downloadable music and all that other stuff might come in handy. I hope it fits in my pocket. Have a great day everybody!!!