Monday, February 28, 2011

We've Found Roommates

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry, been a pretty busy week… and it feels like I’ve been saying that since I moved here… mostly because it’s true. In fact, I’m certain that I’m going to miss a few things in my wrap-up of this past week… but I blame the short term memory… and the booze.

First & foremost, Taco Tuesday was a complete success!!! All four of us roommates came together, made a fine meal of chicken & veggie tacos, black beans, Spanish rice, various salsas & margaritas that were actually pretty damn good if I say so myself… and wine for those who don’t care for tequila. It was the four of us, two adjoining neighbors that we’ll call Zack & Miri (because I love that movie), and then Bubbles with two of her roommates, so nine all together… and of course the sombreros. The dinner was delicious, the drinks delectable, the conversation hilarious, we will definitely have to do it again sometime. In fact, this coming Tuesday, Jackie D won 10 tickets to a comedy show near work, so we will be yucking it up VIP style at the late show with a two drink minimum. BOOSH!!! Oh… and here’s a picture of my sexy self… VIVA LA BROWN!!!

Wednesday & Thursday were mostly hanging out with Jackie D & Carmen watching movies & chatting about their future plans… and just having a good time. The first movie was “Not Easily Broken” starring Morris Chestnutt, Taraji Henson & Kevin Hart. Basically it was a drama about two married people (Chestnutt & Henson) who communicate poorly & are pretty damn selfish. I could go into more details… but why? It was a pretty good movie and all… but it just reached a point where I was like “You’re both f**king crazy stubborn children & you need to sit down and talk things out without taking your ball & going home.” Kevin Hart was great as the comic relief though.

Next was “Just Wright” starring Queen Latifah & Common. The story goes… Scott McKnight (Common) is a basketball All-Star for the Nets, but he blows out his knee… and Miss Wright (Latifah) is the therapist in charge of bringing him back… but she’s also the sister of his gold-digging ex-girlfriend, but hey, he’s a nice guy with a sh*t load of money, she’s a smart & funny therapist with a few extra pounds on her, who knows? It’s an okay romantic comedy, but I don’t plan on seeing it again. Not gonna lie. You may wanna give it shot though. Rom-com’s are my life… and it’s not costarring Renee Zellweger.

Friday night, Jackie D & I went out to the Mission area to have some wonderful Spanish tapas & paella at a great restaurant called Pirabo, followed by the funky Afrobeat sounds of Albino at the Elbo Room. You may remember Albino from their concert in Lake Tahoe several months ago… and they were amazing as well this time. Jackie D even feigned interest for a while… but wanted to dance dance dance somewhere else, so we then headed over to Blondie’s to shake our asses. We closed that place down and of course, Jackie D had not one, not two, but FOUR guys follow her on the way out trying to get the digits (with this tall white boy next to her). She was laughing hysterically as they were trying their lines and re-introducing themselves thinking that she was drunk, but she basically said to them in the most cheerful voice possible, “Thanks! Nice to meet you (blank). I’m never going to see you again. Ever” and then we had a delicious burger at Urban Burger, hailed a cab & had another epic evening to remember.

Saturday, we had another roommate interview. Oh, by the way, did I explain the roommate situation effectively before? Carmen is moving out tonight. We offered the room to McDavis but she backed out on Friday after Tracy sent her an email (no idea why). Red & Belle found places elsewhere. Tracy doesn’t want to meet New York (whatever). Lame, right? Well, Jackie D was offered an incredible job in Philadelphia… and after consideration the past few weeks, she’s decided to take it… but it ended up being the perfect situation, because Nurse was interested in Carmen’s room, but needed to get furniture… but Jackie D is leaving all of her furniture (bed, armoire, desk, etc) so Nurse will be moving into Jackie D’s room in a few weeks… but we still need to find someone for Carmen’s room. Got it? Good.

The interview on Saturday was with EIEIO, because I make up the names. She seemed sweet enough & was gainfully employed nearby… and of course kinda cute, so I was down. There was one thing though… and it was her quiet, yet high pitched Valley Girl syntax… where she would like use “like” like every other word, right? You know what I’m saying, I just demonstrated. I didn’t really mind… but Tracy didn’t take to it too well. At this point though, if the next few interviews didn’t go well, I was ready to offer the room to the next person that would sign a check that wouldn’t bounce, f**k what Tracy had to say in the matter.

Then Jackie D & I went clothes shopping in Union Square. What? Me? Shopping for clothes? Yup. I have to step my fashion game up apparently... and Jackie D insisted on taking me. I learned a lot about what looks good on me & what doesn't. I need some help... but got off to a great start thanks to her. She's good peeps.

Saturday night, Jackie D, Bubbles, the Other $teve (Bubbles’ gay boyfriend) & myself went on an awkward evening. First off, we didn’t start until like midnight because… I’m not entirely sure why. Then we went out to the bar where The Other Steve works at… but it was a private party (and I think was a gay bachelor party so… really not my scene), so then we walked to another bar that was pretty much a dive, but they made good drinks. We were there for about a half-hour, then walked to Icon under the geist that it was 5-6 blocks away… when I counted more than a dozen… and we finally got to Icon, were there for about 10 minutes before it closed… and at this point, the buzz that I had going was gone. Next was the After Hours Party, and basically… I didn’t feel it. First off, there was a cover charge… and for some reason, Bubbles & Other Steve didn’t have any cash on them… and they KNEW it was cash only. Whatever, so we go in, it’s dark, the “bartender” is some dude with three jugs and a bottle of vodka. “How much are drinks?” “$10” “What do you have?” “Vodka.” “Just vodka?” “And cranberry juice or soda if you want it.” “For $10?” “Yup.” “Hell of a business you’ve got here. I’ll take a few vodka & cranberries, please.” Cash only of course, so I’m personally down a C-note and we’re a minute in the door. Then came the 45-minutes in line for the one bathroom (I was seriously looking at one of the many sinks available as an alternative) all while house music was playing & the only light was a projector playing some fashion show. Also, there was mid level drug use, which is definitely not my scene. Still, we were there for a few hours… but then everybody wanted to go, except Bubbles. Her roommate who invited us was there though, so she’d be in good hands. Yeah, overall, just kind of an awkward night… but mostly because the planning was half ass. Seriously didn’t know where we were even going until we left… at midnight… and yeah, you know the rest from there. Oh well, you know what they say, when in Rome… “Actually that isn’t really relevant to this situation.” Sorry, I still don’t know what that means. “You’ll get it.” So yeah, slept like a baby starting at 5:30 AM.

Sunday, I woke up around 10 AM because we had another roommate interview at 11 AM. This one may very well be the next roommate… and we shall call her… Splits. Well, she was a professional gymnast & now works with the always nationally ranked Stanford University team (so that means she & Nurse would be making that commute because they love the Presidio so much) and she’s got the gymnast body. You know, short, thick & I’m assuming flexible… which daddy like, but yeah, not trying to get awkward like that. She also had a very warm smile… and she was basically answering questions almost exactly like I was, about loving the area, being in the City but also surrounded by nature & the beach, all the great things to see & do, chilling at a jazz club, going to festivals, all that stuff. So yeah, Splits may be the new roommate… which if you think about it… means that I’ll be sharing an apartment with an actress, nurse & gymnast. The way I see it, worst-case scenario, actress become a drama queen… then nurse steps in to try & calm her down… and if that doesn’t work, gymnast gives her a spinning back kick right in her ass… all while I watch from a safe distance. We shall see.

After that, I wandered around the Presidio on a beautiful day… then met up with Jackie D to go find some pulled pork sandwiches using Jack Daniels’ pulled pork at Safeway. Oh, by the way, found a place with great Southern food called Hard Knox Café near my house. So yeah… basically we had to go to two different Safeways to find it, which wasn’t quite as bad as the four places that I had to go to in finding ice for Taco Tuesday. Seriously, what the f**k kind of gas station doesn’t have ice? Apparently, all of them in San Francisco. Anyway, we did some grocery shopping and watched a few movies with pulled pork sandwiches, red beans & rice, and a selection of wine. Delicious!!!

First up was “Prince of Persia: Sands of Time” starring Jake Gyllenhall, Gemma Arterton & Ben Kingsley. It’s the story of a peasant boy who was adopted by the King of Persia, grows up with two brothers, and then (shockingly) he is betrayed by somebody, framed for the king’s murder & has to run off to find the truth & avenge his father’s death. Throw in some mystical dagger with some sand that can make you go back in time, a few incredibly predictable plot twists, some inexplicable English accents in the middle of the Hindu Kush & yeah, you’ve got a whitewashed Disney movie. That being said, some of the action scenes were pretty cool & full of parkour… and there were a few funny moments…but yeah, kinda wish I had the dagger to go back two hours & use it for something else. It could’ve been worse though…

Because next was “Legion” starring Paul Bettany, Charles S. Dutton & Dennis Quaid. Now, the first time I saw the preview for this movie, where an old lady in a diner in the middle of nowhere says “Your baby is going to burn!” and then starts climbing the walls & sh*t, I knew the movie would NEVER live up to the preview. Why? Because it was unexpected. Anyway, basically it’s “The Prophecy” set at place called Paradise Falls in BFE where the Christ child is being born by a mother who still smokes & is helped along by a mechanic who she doesn’t care for but isn’t the baby’s daddy (apparently God is?). Enter the angel Michael to try & save the child from an army of angels because God wants to wipe the world of humans… and two hours later you’re looking for that dagger again. Really didn’t care for this movie. Double pass.

Anyway, that was the week that was. Lots of fun, lots of adventure, and lots of adult beverages, but I’m quite responsible. This week should be more of the same. I’ll be sure to keep you posted. Have a great day everybody!!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Blind Bastards Club

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The roommate search went VERY well. Carmen was out of town for the first round… but she’s the one moving out so she didn’t need to be there. Before the interviews even started, I made a joke like “Dude, what if a stripper or a go-go dancer interviews? I can’t be held responsible if my natural instinctual reaction is ask if she plans on paying rent in singles & making it rain all over the place…” and Jackie D thought it was hilarious & said not to jinx it. Tracy, the 3rd roommate, did not think it was funny at all & got all nervous. I eased her concerns… but yeah, she’s kind of a wet blanket in nearly every single situation possible… but she’s alright & means well… just not a whole lot of fun thus far with her. I think she was an only child or something. Anyway, on to the interviews…

The first interview… we’ll call her McDavis… she was awesome. She brought cookies, found out that she & Tracy went to the same college, graduated a year apart, they even had mutual friends, her school / career choice was basically like mine (mechanic engineering to business), she’s a dinosaur nerd, works at Lucas Arts (Star Wars) & we all just got a great vibe off her. Basically at that point, I know that she was going to be Tracy’s favorite… and pretty much mine too… and there really wasn’t a scenario that I could fathom short of Megan Fox walking in the door (and even then, I’d just offer to share my room) that would be better for her. We chatted for like 45 minutes… and then she left. The cookies were delicious as well.

Next was Red, who arrived a little late (30 minutes or so) but she had a long commute from the other side of the bay. She was VERY cute… and a redhead (not natural I’m sure) and I remembered from her email that she was an esthetician / makeup artist / seamstress. So yeah, I like the way she was put together. She actually was surprisingly deep too… and she told us of her goals & background. Then the question came up on how she was planning to pay rent because she mentioned she was between gigs. “Well… you don’t need to worry about that because… I have… some money saved up, so rent won’t be a problem.” Jackie D & I glanced at each other thinking the same thing… somebody’s a stripper. I had to hold back my internal excitement & Jackie almost cracked up too. The questioning went on as the third person showed up on time, so they overlapped a bit. Basically, I thought she was pretty cool (and hot) and she thought we were BY FAR the coolest people she had met yet in her search, because apparently she had stories of weirdos where it involved meditation… or vegetarian nazis… and some creepy woman in her 50’s that basically told her “You shouldn’t have applied because I’m going to say no” “Then why did you invite me over?” So yeah… Tracy didn’t like her as much… but I think it’s because she asked about bringing friends over… and seriously, I don’t know what Tracy’s problem is… but she has to f**k up everybody’s day if it’s not what she wants. By the way, I have yet to mention Taco Tuesday to her… and I’m kind of wondering if I should even mention it. I will I’m sure… but yeah, she doesn’t seem to want anybody around the apartment… and that simply won’t happen. I’m not bringing the whole bar with me… but a friend or two WILL happen. I don’t care how awkward you make them feel in the first three seconds of meeting them (true story with Bubbles last week, we pass her leaving as we walked in the door, I introduce them – “Oh, nice to meet you. $teve has told me so much about you.” “WHAT? What exactly has he told you about me? We don’t even know each other.” Awkward silence… “No… nothing bad, just that you’re… a great roommate?” “Oh… okay, well, I’ve gotta go.”). Anyway…

The third girl Nurse was a nurse who is going to be working at Stanford Hospital (45 minutes away) but loves the Presidio area… and because she does 3-12 hour shifts, she figured it would be alright. She was very quiet, a little shy, but opened up towards the end when Jackie D & I went off on a little tangent about something. I see her as a roommate that I would probably never see because of her odd hours & sleeping or wandering around the city on her days off… but whatever, I liked her. Hell, I’d probably join her on a few journeys on my days off. I liked all of them really. So yeah, after the questions & what-not, Nurse expressed her interest & left.

Afterwards, we had the roommate discussion… and I started it off with “So… is anybody else thinking that Red is a stripper down on Broadway?” Jackie D & I went off for a while on that, “Dude, you totally called it before the interviews started. You must know your dancers.” “I thought she looked familiar…” blah blah blah. Tracy asked us to rank them… making sure that she put hers first saying that McDavis was amazing… then Nurse… and she didn’t like Red at all. Jackie D went same order… but liked Red. I pretty much agreed… because like I said, I liked them all… but McDavis seemed the best fit for us. There are a few more this weekend (maybe) but yeah… I’m thinking it’ll be McDavis getting the offer (unless Miss Fox shows up over the weekend) and then probably Nurse if that doesn’t go for whatever reason.

Friday night after work, Jackie D, Bubbles & I met up with some friends & coworkers at Grumpy’s for a few drinks & a French burger. Good times but a very packed place on a Friday night… so after a while Jackie D & I decided to go to The Final Final for some darts, billiards & drink. We even met a few people & Jackie D inadvertently tried to blind one of them. It happens.

Saturday was a rainy rainy day… so we decided to spend the day inside cleaning up a bit, then watching several Tyler Perry movies, which I had never seen before, but are actually pretty damn good. Based on the previews, I had thought they were all just the usual African-American comedies like “Friday” or “Good Sunday” or “Barbershop” or and that kind of stuff, but there’s actually very little comedy & more about life lessons. Totally unexpected. We watched “Madea Goes to Jail”, “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” and… another one I can’t remember off-hand… but they were all pretty good. I highly recommend them. The jokes are pretty funny… and the stories are universal. Go for it.

Saturday night, we were in the mood for karaoke (after dancing in a few music videos thanks to my projector TV & YouTube) so we went to the Silver Cloud restaurant & bar in the Marina. It was okay, but the weird thing was that it was pretty much standing room only, but there only seemed to be three people singing on the stage… and even then, you couldn’t really hear them, which I’m sure is probably a blessing… but yeah, odd place for karaoke in my personal opinion. Regardless, Jackie D & I had a fun time (Carmen didn’t come because she was exhausted from her trip & Tracy went out of town for the weekend) and we hit up Pizza Orgasmica for some late night grub afterwards.

Sunday morning, we had two more interviews for roommates. The first we’ll call New York. She was a little early (like it) and she seemed pretty nice. We chatted for a bit and everything was going fine… then she asked “What’s that sour smell?” Obviously I had no idea what they were talking about so I glanced at the roommates (Jackie D & Carmen) and they had no idea what she was talking about. “Well, we did just cook some eggs but… hmm, Febreze?” So then New York was wandering around the living room like a bloodhound, sniffing & looking for the cause, which I thought was helpful as hell… but the other roommates kinda looked at me like “What is going on right now?” No culprit was found… but we still blasted the room with Febreze just in case. Like I said, New York was nice & everything… but we’ve had a LOT of nice interviews. We’ll see how it goes.

Next was a girl that I’ll call… Belle. Now, when I received her reply for the room, I noticed that her email address was, which as you may know… means she at least registered… as French. Having only communicated by email, I didn’t know what to expect. Oh yes… she was French… and she had the accent… and she made the pants stiffen by simply saying my name… and she wasn’t bad on the eyes either. So yeah, this interview was mainly conducted by the ladies as I just sat back & enjoyed the sweet love being made to my ear holes. It was a pretty standard interview besides that… and of course, I walked her out the door (because I hate to see you go… but I love to watch you leave). Sigh… so yeah, again the roommates liked her too. “What do you think, $teve?” “Sigh… I think I have a problem controlling myself around French women…” so yeah, I like the idea, but the roommates didn’t seem to be sold. She was also only looking short term (intern from France on a temporary work visa) but I’d probably be sick of her by then anyway.

After the interviews, the roommates & I were going to make a trek to Target for some essentials in mass quantities… and I found out that Bubbles needed a ride to her car (parties the night before) so we all packed up in Gretchen & headed out. For as lame as it sounds, we actually had a lot of fun. You wouldn’t think that three people who met each other for the first time three weeks ago would be as closely knit as us. Heck, after Target, we were having dinner at Tortilla Heights, and we were sharing life stories, nicknames, even tragedies & stuff. Usually this kind of trust & openness takes a lot of time… but yeah, we’ve been doing it for a week or so now. The sad thing is… Carmen is going to be moving out soon… and Jackie D may be right behind (fantastic job offer in Philly). One thing’s for sure though… if Tracy gets to pick one roommate, I’m going with Belle for my pick. I don’t care if she doesn’t have a job, we can share my room. “But how do I pay for ziss room?” “Mo’cher, just read some French to me in a sexy voice… and do it dossimo, do it… very slowly. Don’t rush it, oui?” “Oui.” Don’t judge me.

This weekend, we also decided to watch the new “The Karate Kid” starring Jaden Smith & Jackie Chan. As you know, I love the original… but I was pretty sure that the remake was going to be pretty good too. It actually was. The story starts out that a young boy Dre (Smith) & his mother are moving from Detroit to Beijing because the auto plant she works at transferred her there. By the way, side note: It mentioned in the beginning that Dre’s father died… but didn’t explain why or how… but being Detroit, my guess would be lead poisoning. Anyway, they move there… and the boy doesn’t like it… primarily because there’s a bully (and his gang) that pick on him because Dre has the hots for a cute Chinese girl. So yeah… eventually he wants to learn Kung Fu to fight back… but the place he wants to learn is where the bully learns… and the sensai’s a mean douche. Luckily there’s the wise maintenance man (Chan) who befriends & trains him… and strikes the legendary deal to have the kids back off Dre until they can fight in the tournament. You’ve all seen the original, right? Okay, so I’d say check it out. As far as a remake goes, it’s not that bad… and you get to see Beijing, which is an amazing city… and Jaden Smith has mannerisms & joke telling ability just like his dad the Fresh Prince… so yeah, it’s work a dollar rental. Check it out… speaking of Detroit…

A Reason to Visit Detroit – For hundreds of years, people have been trying to come up with a reason for visiting Detroit, the Musical Motor City. The city has had many peaks & valleys in its history… but two things have always rang true… those who live there are some of the hardest working people of this or any generation… and somebody’s going to get shot. Not exactly the kind of things that bring in big tourism money… but nonetheless part of their identity. Well now, ladies & gentlemen, there’s something that could very well change all of that. From sci-fi cult film, to Twitter phenomenon to Detroit landmark-in-the-making, plans for a statue honoring RoboCop, the half-man, half-machine crimefighter of the 1987 movie (and its sequels), are moving ahead after a group of artists and entrepreneurs in Detroit, Michigan raised more than $50,000 via Facebook and an online fund-raising site. "It hit a sweet spot. It's a fun and funny idea to build a statue of RoboCop," said Jeff Paffendorf, who helped lead the project inspired by a whimsical suggestion sent to Detroit Mayor Dave Bing via Twitter last week. Mayor Bing (Detroit Pistons basketball legend) tweeted back at the time that there were no plans for a RoboCop statue, an off-hand remark that bounced around the Internet and generated calls for him to reconsider. "There's violence in 'RoboCop,' but through the film RoboCop tries to do the right thing," Paffendorf said. Bing's office is still not convinced, but a spokeswoman said the city is studying how it could accept and display a gift RoboCop statue. "We know there are a lot of people that care deeply about the issue, and we respect that," said Karen Dumas of Bing's office. "But I'm still not sure that RoboCop is the best message for the city of Detroit." Paffendorf said the RoboCop statue could go somewhere downtown if the city approves, perhaps near the landmark fist statue honoring legendary boxer Joe Louis. That’s right… allow me to rephrase that a little bit. They may not allow a RoboCop statue… because there’s violence in the movie (and lots of it) BUT… there’s a possibility that it could be near an already-erected FIST statue… honoring legendary boxer Joe Louis. For those of you who are not aware, boxing is a sport in which two fully grown men strip down to shorts & a mouthguard… and pummel the hell out of each other for about an hour while millions around the world watch. Just to clarify. Regardless, even if Detroit will not allow RoboCop on city-owned land, a nonprofit arts group plans to display the statue, he said. Paffendorf said a sculptor and a metal artist have already been chosen to complete the job. So what do you think? Obviously I’m cool with the idea… but I want to name my first kid Murphy because that was RoboCop’s name… regardless of the child’s sex. I think it’s a great idea not unlike the Rocky Statue in Philadelphia… where the fictitious underdog stood with the giants & shined. RoboCop is the story of second chances. Officer Alex Murphy was a man who gave his life trying to protect the people of his city… but through the marvels of modern technology, he was given a second chance to continue protecting the innocent… and had plenty of guns at his disposal to do so. Detroit NEEDS RoboCop. Besides, I’d hate to drive completely out of my way on a visit to Chicago to find there’s no such statue & it was all BS. I already did that with Needles, CA and the alleged Sam Kinison statue. OH OH OHHHHH!!! So frustrating… but congratulations to the fund raisers on Kickstarter who got this done. Best of luck with finding the proper spot for such an icon… and kudos to Mayor Bing on helping them out too… which I’m sure he will do when all things are considered. Now if we can just get a Tony Montana statue in Miami we’d be set.

Judge Dredd Update – Speaking of bringing back violent comic based men of the law, actress Lena Headey (“300” & "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles") has joined the cast of the currently shooting "Dredd" reports JDMN. Headey, who began shooting her role in South Africa last week, will play the scarred Madeline Madrigal (a.k.a. Ma-Ma) who is the leader of a gang and the film's primary villain. She joins a cast that includes Karl Urban (“Star Trek” & “Pathfinder”) as Judge Dredd and Olivia Thirlby (“Juno”) as Cassandra Anderson. Pete Travis is directing from a script by Alex Garland and the film is currently targeting an early 2012 release. That is all.

Blind Bastards Club – In what can only be the next multiple Academy Award winning film extravaganza, Lenny Kravitz, Mickey Rourke, Rosario Dawson, Rodrigo Santoro and Riccardo Scamarcio are all attached to star in “The Blind Bastard Club” reports Screen Daily. The story follows a group of blind thrill-seekers who begin bar brawls, jump out of planes and pretend they’re not blind - all in order to live life on the edge. I’m thinking “The Bucket List” meets “Scent of a Woman” but with a lot more swearing & blood. The leader of the pack (I’m assuming Rourke) soon falls for a rollerblading call girl (mmm.. I’m praying it’s Dawson). Ash Baron-Cohen (”This Girl’s Life”) will direct the $6 million feature and shooting kicks off in Brazil in April. Frank Desmarais, Andrew Mysko and Cory Neal will produce. Now I know why they wanted to be in this movie… it’s filming in Brazil. Damn it! I’m in the wrong business. I could be filming in Brazil… or Hong Kong… or Prague… or even Vancouver. Oh wait… I already live in San Francisco… one of only three cities to have a $teve certified Movie List (New Orleans & Las Vegas are the others). It could make for a pretty good movie. We shall see.

Anyway, that should do it for this past weekend. The roommate decision is coming up soon… and Taco Tuesday tomorrow night, so bring all your friends. It’s really going to be a small gathering of roommates, neighbors & whoever else shows up so… yeah, we’ve got chicken, fixings, tortillas, cheese, various salsas, chips, sombreros & tequila. We almost bought a piñata at Target yesterday… but maybe another time. We’ll have to see how the inaugural TaTu goes. Have a great day everybody!!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Taco Tuesday Redux

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the living room & bedroom are pretty much taken care of now… and damn if they don’t look amazing. Here are some pictures of my new living arrangement now that it’s somewhat presentable…

Later this week will be roommate interviews for ladies looking to move into Carmen’s room. Why just ladies? Funny fact: Not my decision there. Since the other three roommates share a bathroom, my roommate… we’ll call her Tracy, doesn’t want to share the bathroom with a guy. I’m not going to complain at all. If that’s your thing, that’s your thing. Apparently guys are stinky creatures who don’t necessarily leave the toilet seat down… but we’re also pretty handy to have around to squish spiders, lift objects over 20 pounds, provide a new point of view & not bad eye candy so… alright then. I have no problem with only interviewing the ladies. The other roommates need to be there though… because I’m incredibly easy going… and after the standard “Where do you work? What are your hobbies? What are you looking for in a roommate situation?” then it can quickly turn into “How do you feel about tall, gainfully employed, disease-free men?” “Can you touch your elbows behind your back?” “Describe to me EXACTLY… how freaky… is TOO freaky.” “Tell me your top five sexual positions… and why?” “It said on your email that you were a gymnast… yeah, I don’t see it. You’re going to have to show me” and that would just get awkward REAL quick. So yeah… they should probably be there to take over the questions while I take notes or doodle or something. Should be interesting.

Last night, Jackie D & I met up with one of Bubbles’ roommates and went to our first Taco Tuesday, which is apparently a simple event held at Nick’s Crispy Tacos (or Blue Light) where it’s $2 tacos & $3 beers, which sounds awesome. Totally down. Well, we got there… and it was standing room only with a line weaving throughout the establishment, which was an interesting mix of taco stand, bar, restaurant & club… but I was just looking to get my grub & my drink on. We stood in line for about 45 minutes and pretty much got separated from Bubbles’ roommate, so it was really just the two of us having a few beers & enjoying tacos (not half bad). It was while we were discussing the event… that I had a revelation. Earlier in the evening, I was fixing up the living room, when I noticed that in our foyer closet… there were SIX vacuums… no joking… but also there… were six sombreros. So I said “Next time… we’ll just have to have Taco Tuesday at our place.” Jackie D’s eyes lit up like the 4th of July… and so next week, we’ll probably be having a Taco Tuesday at Casa de Love… complete with sombreros… and probably play Robert Rodriguez movies in the background on the wall… and use the money from selling off the excess vacuums towards tequila or something. I’ll keep you posted.

After Taco Tuesday at Nick’s Crispy Tacos, we went back to the apartment and watched “Good Hair” starring Chris Rock, which is a documentary about the African-American hair trade & the Bonner Brothers Hair Show. Now, I know what you’re thinking… and why would a white boy who barely runs a comb through his luscious mane want to see this show? Well, it was Jackie D’s suggestion to Netflix it… but I had heard about this about a year ago & wanted to check it out… because like many markets aimed at the African-American culture (tobacco, jewelry, cars, etc) I knew that the profit margins for the hair trade were INCREDIBLE but the people getting rich off it… are Caucasian & Asian. Being a marketing man, I understand it… but wasn’t really in the know as to WHY it was that way. This brought some of that to light… and of course, it’s Chris Rock so there is plenty of levity throughout. I’d say give it a gander if you’d like.

Monday night, we also watched “Mortal Kombat” which we hadn’t seen in years… but for some reason, we just thought it would be a good idea. You’ve all probably seen it, based on the 90’s video games, pretty horrible acting & dialogue, but hey, you were a kid, so you’ve seen it a few times. Really the only reason that I bring it up… is because, as reported here before, they’re apparently going to reboot it and it’s going to be aimed at adults this time (so hard-R rating). They had the teaser video a few months ago starring Michael Jai White (“Spawn” & “Black Dynamite”) & Jeri Ryan (“Star Trek Voyager”) and they’ve signed them on to do the movie now. Michael Jai White is set to play Major Jackson 'Jax' Briggs while Darren Shahlavi ("300") will play Kano in the upcoming live-action digital new media series "Mortal Kombat" from Warner Premiere. Kevin Tancharoen, who directed and produced the unofficial "Mortal Kombat: Rebirth" fan short which scored over 10 million views worldwide, will "bring the same directing style to this live-action digital new media series". The press release also confirmed tweets from actress Jeri Ryan that she's set to play Lieutenant Sonya Blade. Both Ryan and White starred in the 'Rebirth' short film. Shooting on the project is currently underway in Vancouver. Each episode will provide never-before-revealed insights into characters featured in the upcoming videogame set to hit store shelves starting April 19th. Oh yes, there’s a video game tie-in of course… it’s Mortal Kombat. Anyway, here’s some more news…

Book of Kisses - Ever wondered about the political uses of a kiss, the kiss's changing status or legendary movie kisses? No? Well, do you find yourself needing to say the word in Albanian, Icelandic or even, perchance, Maori? Fear not. "A Compendium of Kisses," the guide to everything oscular -- that's "of or pertaining to kissing" for the unenlightened -- tells all about one of the world's most universal gestures, whether simple greeting or sublime. "When I came to look at the kiss, the romantic side is such a small part of it," said British novelist and actress Lana Citron, who compiled the book. "I love how when you're born, the first thing is, you're kissed, you're welcomed into the world. It's this little gesture that follows you throughout life, through all the most important parts of your life." Citron's interest in kisses began with a short story she wrote a decade ago about a lonely woman who collected kisses in jars -- such as one for the lover who spurned her, one that was full of yearning -- and labeled them. That led to her invitation to do an installation of kisses in jars, all labeled, as part of an art exhibition. The response of viewers sent her to the internet, searching out books on kisses and deciding to write her own when nothing seemed just right. "It was almost like opening a Pandora's chest and just being overwhelmed by all the different ways a kiss is expressed, the meanings attached to it and the things it symbolizes," she said. "I fell in love with it, I really did. I was submerged in the world of kisses for a year and came out of it with a book." Her compendium mingles brief kiss anecdotes with kiss factoids and scraps of poetry to cover evolutionary kisses, bonding kisses, artful kisses, screen kisses, bike shed kisses or first kisses, passionate kisses, Kama Sutra kisses (giggidy!), animal kisses and even The Death Kiss, to name just a few. She also traces the evolution of kissing through history, from its use in Christian religious ceremonies -- "greet ye one another with a kiss" -- to its social role as a greeting on many levels, including between kings and the vassals they ruled. "Then the kiss suddenly becomes eroticized, also compounded by advances made in dentistry. Once it becomes eroticized, it also becomes highly contentious socially," she said. While she finds it difficult to pick one favorite fact about kisses, Citron does acknowledge being fascinated about the use of kisses in politics and history, from its involvement in accusations about witchcraft down to the present day. "Superficially, you have sex scandals, kiss and tell scandals, which many politicians fall prey to," she said. Though most of the book is written in a tongue-in-cheek style, Citron becomes practical when asked for kissing advice. "Basic hygiene, I think, is the only thing I'd say." Sounds like an interesting little book, right? I’m sure that you can order it online somewhere. You know how I feel about reading… and the subject matter would probably just piss me off a bit… but then again, I do have a sincere love for trivial knowledge… and I’m sure there are plenty of pictures.

Sexual Networking – Ever wonder why Facebook is worth BILLIONS? Besides as the social media implications, this survey may have found out why. Nearly four out of five women and three of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social networking tools cause new couples to jump into bed faster, a survey released on Monday showed. But only 38% of women say they have actually slept with a date any sooner because of digital intimacy, according to the 1,200 women and men who participated in the third annual sex survey by Shape and Men's Fitness magazines. Smart phones and laptops are the new toys that lead to the bedroom, it said, with nearly 80% of women and 58% of men saying social media tools leads to sex faster. Texting is the No. 1 way lovers stay in touch, the survey found, with men texting 39% more often than phoning and women 150% more. Even before the magic begins, 70% of women and 63% of men use Google and other online tools to screen potential dates. That’s right. Chances are you’re being cyber-stalked… even before you go on the date. Hmm… do you think they’ve checked out this blog? Anyway, 65% of those polled said they had been asked out by text and 49% through a Facebook message. Once the relationship clicks, 72% of women report scouring a current partner's ex-girlfriends' Facebook pages. Even in the heat of passion, some people just can't get enough of their digital devices, the survey found. When a call or text comes in during sex, 5% of respondents said they glance to see who is calling and 1% say they stop to answer the phone. Crazy… because I assume that’s EXACTLY what voicemail was invented for. And when the spark is extinguished, digital dumping is the new way to break up, with 43% of women and 27% of men reporting getting a text along the lines of "It's not you, it's me." For the heartbroken, the Internet keeps hope alive, with 81% of all respondents saying they won't de-friend an ex on Facebook and 75% admitting to constantly checking a former sweetheart's page. I’m sure that if you’re already reading this though, you probably already had a pretty good idea about this (or you were checking up on your boy Dr Love… who still misses you). It amazes me how digitized things are nowadays. Everything’s online. Call me old-fashioned, but I still like the idea of strolling in a park somewhere, running into somebody, chatting for a bit, sharing a few laughs, asking to meet up later and THEN being rejected like a bad kidney. This new world where rejection comes within a few clicks of a keyboard confuses & therefore angers me. Oh well… evolve, $teve. You’re not always rejected. Even the blind squirrel gets a nut once in a while. Wait, was that dirty?

Hitchcock & Hannibal - Anthony Hopkins has once again entered talks to play legendary filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock in "Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho" for Montecito Pictures says Heat Vision. Based on Stephen Rebello's book which "Black Swan" scribe John McLaughlin has adapted, the story tracks how Hitchcock, at the height of his game as a director, decided to make a 'lowly' horror movie that no studio wanted to touch initially. The film of course went on to become one of the most famous of all time. Sacha Gervasi, the filmmaker behind acclaimed 2009 documentary "Anvil! The Story of Anvil", entered discussions to write and direct the film this week. Hopkins had been attached to a previous version of the film which Ryan Murphy was tipped to direct while Helen Mirren was to play his wife Alma Reville… but that apparently fell through. I’m sure Sir Anthony can play the HELL out of Hitchcock… and the best part is… he’ll also be unintentionally creepy… kind of like when he played Richard Nixon… which would be perfect for the director of a movie like “Psycho” to be portrayed. Eh… we’ll see if it happens. Here’s something that IS happening that’s even creepier…

Borat as Saddam - Paramount Pictures have announced that they will release Sacha Baron Cohen's new comedy "The Dictator" worldwide on May 11th 2012. Larry Charles, who directed the comedian in hits "Borat" and "Bruno", has come aboard to direct. The film tells the heroic story of a dictator who risked his life to ensure that democracy would never come to the country he so lovingly oppressed. It is inspired by the best selling novel "Zabibah and The King" by Saddam Hussein. Baron Cohen, Scott Rudin, Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, and David Mandel are producing. The latter trio join Cohen as screenwriters on the movie. Eh… it could be pretty hilarious. I’ve been surprised before by SBC. Respect. Booyakasha!!!

So that’ll do it for another day of awesomeness… but I’ll be back soon… and may have tales of a new roommate. Or just further news clippings & boring stories about my awesome life or something… you never know, this blog isn’t really that structured. Have a great day everybody!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Love is Like Liquid Dran-O

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Single Awareness Day everybody!!! Yes, perhaps my least favorite time of year… but instead of piss-poor weather or heartache and rejection… this weekend was pretty EPIC!!! No, $teve didn’t make a connection or anything of that sort… but good times were had. Though Friday night was pretty much just a night at home with the roommates watching the TV series “Parks & Recreation” (hilarious by the way), Saturday was a little more productive. I spent the morning running errands & getting things as situated around the house (to be completed tonight… after we get rid of the extra couch… FINALLY!!!), then I went to lunch with Bubbles & her roommate at some French bistro place outside the Lombard Gate (probably not going back there, their menu was Eggs Benedict or toast) and then we made plans to go out on the town. What plans you ask? Plans to go dancing & get tipsy!!! Oh… and obviously it was just girls accompanying me on this journey (Bubbles, Jackie D & Carmen).

We started off the night with dinner at The Tipsy Pig, a nice little bar & restaurant in the marina… which actually turned into dinner & a show. Crowded place with a lot of couples, who apparently had been drinking all day, and then Valentine’s drama. THREE separate lover’s quarrels developed right before our eyes… and luckily they put us in the perfect spot, right by the door in the corner, so we could observe everything. Oh… and the food wasn’t bad either. Then we had a few starter drinks at the apartment, so yeah, Bubbles finally got to see it… and she liked it of course. Soon I may have a few pictures to share with you as well… but not right now.

After a few drinks, we took a cab to The Cellar. Our cabbie there was a middle-aged hippie… but an alright guy… and of course, Bubbles made instant friends with him… because that’s just her way. We got to the club… and the bouncer asked, “Are you on the list?” “Oh crap, is there a private party or something here?” “Sorta… are you Jewish?” “Ugh… I could be. I’ve got the nose & the pocket book… and the ladies to bring with me.” “Haha… alright, let these guys in, they’re okay.” See the kind of doors that open for you when you’re walking around with three gorgeous women? Once we got inside, something was a little odd. Granted I’ve only been to a few clubs in the area… but there was definitely something different… and then it clicked, apparently this was Jewish Night. My roommate Carmen told me later in the evening that every few weeks they have it at a different club… and this time it was The Cellar. Mozeltov, mother f**ker!!! Obviously I don’t know Hebrew…

So after a few hours of intense dancing, we were invited to the VIP area next to the DJ by Carmen’s friends who were celebrating a birthday… and then we were able to make our own drinks… so the dancing got even MORE intense. Please observe…

After the club, we were hungry, so we went to Golden Boy Pizza in North Beach, because we were told it was pretty good… and it didn’t disappoint. Great thick pizza, perfect for soaking up booze… and open at 2 AM. After that, Carmen’s designated driver friend dropped us off & we eventually went to bed… and by we I mean us… but to our own separate beds. Like I said, single awareness day… sigh…

Sunday, woke up around 11 AM, then basically just hung out with Jackie D, going to Starbucks, watching some Netflix things like Katt Williams stand-up, then went to dinner at E’Angelo, a nice Italian restaurant in the Marina that we actually tried to go to Saturday night, but they had a line down the block & they’re a small place. It was a new thing for me too… because the Italian restaurant… was actually run by Italians. I’m not used to that in Utah. The food was just as good though. It was just different hearing Italian spoken… and it made me miss Italy a little bit… but hey, we had a good dinner… and I even got some nice chicken with fettucini on the side for Bubbles, who wasn’t feeling too well… because I’m an AMAZING guy. Sigh… too bad I’m still single. Oh well, that will probably change very quickly as I’m looking to step out of my comfort zone a bit & get out there now that I’m somewhat established. I hope that it works out… but hey, I’m good with being me. I just owe it to all the ladies out there to share myself… so here’s some news…

Jerry Sloan Steps Down - Like the impressive mountains that dominate Salt Lake City’s skyline, Jerry Sloan was a fixture in the Utah landscape. Now, for the first time since 1988—three years before Michael Jordan won the first of his six NBA titles—the Jazz will have a new head coach on their bench. “He’s been there like this rock and all of a sudden the rock is gone,” Boston coach Doc Rivers said of the 68-year-old Sloan. “It’s like your franchise moved or something. I don’t know. It’s just strange.” While Sloan expected to wake up refreshed knowing he was done game-planning and tussling with fiery superstars such as Deron Williams, the rest of the basketball world was awakening to a new era. “Man it’s gonna be crazy and weird seeing anyone besides Jerry Sloan walking the sidelines for the Utah Jazz!” Miami Heat star LeBron James tweeted. “Jerry Sloan is the Utah Jazz. Wow.” James wasn’t exaggerating. Since Sloan took over in Utah for Frank Layden, there have been 245 coaching changes league wide—13 alone by the Los Angeles Clippers. Five current NBA teams (Charlotte, Memphis, Toronto, Orlando and Minnesota) did not even exist when Sloan was hired by the Jazz…and LeBron’s Miami Heat & the then Charlotte Hornets teams had just started playing a few months earlier. “As a colleague, we’ll miss him,” said Lakers coach Phil Jackson, who along with Sloan and Pat Riley were the only coaches in NBA history to have 15-plus consecutive seasons with a winning record. Sloan stepped down Thursday with 1,127 wins as Jazz coach and 1,221 overall (including his short stint in Chicago). The career total is the third-most in NBA history. His decision came after an emotional loss to the Bulls on Wednesday night, a night that saw his former team and former players help hand the Jazz a 91-86 loss. It was their 10th loss in the last 14 games and third straight at home following a 15-5 start. At halftime, Sloan and Williams clashed, reportedly over how a play was run. It wasn’t the first time. “We had a disagreement,” Williams told 1320-KFAN radio Thursday. “I’ve seen him have worse ones with other players. Jerry’s very fiery. I am, too. Sometimes we clash on things.” The All-Star point guard insisted there is no truth to the rumors that he forced the Hall of Fame coach out, and general manager Kevin O’Connor also said it was false that Williams gave management a “me or him” ultimatum. “I would never force coach Sloan out of Utah,” Williams said, deriding the media for twisting stories. “He’s meant more to this town, more to this organization than I have by far. I would have asked out of Utah first.” Sloan, who was choked up and wiped away tears during his farewell announcement Thursday, said there was no final straw. He simply said he didn’t have the energy to coach any more, and that the losses were getting tougher and tougher to handle. “I could have done it last week, done it a week before that or waited another week,” said Sloan, who has always thought it appropriate to conduct his pregame interviews next to a trash bin. “When it’s time for me to go, it’s time for me to go.” The one thing that did surprise Sloan was that longtime assistant Phil Johnson joined him in retiring. “I came with him and I’ll leave with him,” the 69-year-old Johnson said Thursday. Now I suppose former player Tyrone Corbin will take over as coach from what I hear… but it’s the end of an age for sure. As a player, Jerry Sloan was known for his defense… and being a tough, hard-nosed player who never backed down from a challenge. When he took over for the Jazz in 1988, he took them to the playoffs pretty much every year since… and even made it to the NBA Finals twice to lose to the Jordan-led Bulls. He’s been through a “rebuilding” time with the team in which they still won more games than they lost… and everybody was heart broken when his wife Bobbi’s long struggle with cancer finally came to an end… but he kept on being tough & hard-nosed through adversity & never backed down from a challenge. I mean… the guy coached Karl Malone for a long time. You saw that Phil Jackson could only do it for a year in LA. I mean… think of that one for a minute. We wish you nothing but the best, coach. Enjoy your retirement!

Arnie Returns – Well, former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (still tough to say out loud) has apparently retired as well… from politics. However, he’s looking to get back into the job that only paid him $30 million per three-month stint… and that’s Hollywood movie actor. How did he announce it? He wrote on Twitter that he's ready to start considering film roles again. The former governor tweeted Thursday night: "Exciting news. My friends at CAA have been asking me for 7 years when they can take offers seriously. Gave them the green light today." Creative Artists Agency is a leading Hollywood talent agency. Schwarzenegger's personal aide, Daniel Ketchell, confirmed the tweet Friday morning. So keep an eye out for his next project… which will probably be “Expendables 2” that’s my best guess.

Red Sonja Update – Speaking of Arnie movies, Amber Heard ("Drive Angry," "The Informers") is being pursued to play the titular lead in "Red Sonja" for Nu Image and Millennium Films. "Amber is the new Red Sonja, but she doesn't know it yet!" producer Avi Lerner tells Empire. Catch is while Heard is eyed for the role, negotiations haven't begun (so this is really just an excuse to put up a picture of Amber Heard… but you don’t mind). The character is a fiery-haired warrior in a chainmail bikini who seeks vengeance on those who destroyed her family. Brigitte Nielsen (“Rocky IV” & that VH1 reality show with her & Flava Flav) played the character in a 1985 feature which also starred Arnold Schwarzenegger. Simon West ("Lara Croft: Tomb Raider," "The Mechanic") directs this new incarnation of the Robert E. Howard-created character. If you remember, the film has been in development for a while… but with actress Rose McGowan and director Robert Rodriguez previously attached back in 2008… but apparently they’re thinking of going a different route… which may be unfortunate. Sigh… I hope they don’t try to make this into a serious action movie. Sure, Amber’s got the chops… and Simon West has made some good ones like “Con Air” & “Tomb Raider” but… it’s Red Sonja. It’s a barbarian movie… that starred Arnie & Brigitte Nielsen for one reason… they are HUGE people… and it’s a barbarian movie that requires no acting skills. Who specializes in movies like this and making them awesomely trite? Robert Rodriguez… and let’s face it, he got Robert DeNiro to be in “Machete” for instant credibility. Oh well, I’m sure that the Red Sonja remake will still be great with Simon West at the helm (even though he’s really wanting to do a Con Air 2) & Amber Heard in a chainmail bikini… mmm… and decapitating fools left & right… with hot waves of blood flowing down her bare porcelain skin & accentuating her blaring sapphire eyes… mmm… anyway, yeah, it could be good. Excuse me… do you have a paper towel by chance? Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Alien Prequel - Ridley Scott's previously untitled "Alien" prequel now has an official moniker, "Prometheus", and Fox has already locked in a March 9th 2012 release date reports Deadline. The two most frequent names linked to the lead female role of Elizabeth Shaw have been Scott's personal favorite Noomi Rapace and the studio favorite Charlize Theron. Now it seems a compromise has been reached. Rapace, the star of the Swedish "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" film series, is now locked to play Shaw, while Theron and Angelina Jolie are said to be circling the other female lead role of Vickers (mmm… girls in space peril with guns… I like). Jon Spaihts wrote the original script which was generally thought to serve as a prequel to Scott's "Alien" and would explore the alien 'Space Jockey' creatures glimpsed during one scene in the original. Now, Scott and Damon Lindelof have been working together on the current version which has expanded the story into new directions. A quote from Scott indicates that the film will probably be set in the same universe as the "Alien" movies, but we probably won't see the xenomorphs at all - "While Alien was indeed the jumping off point for this project, out of the creative process evolved a new, grand mythology and universe in which this original story takes place. The keen fan will recognize strands of Alien's DNA, so to speak, but the ideas tackled in this film are unique, large and provocative." Lindelof added "In a world flooded with prequels, sequels and reboots, I was incredibly struck by just how original Ridley's vision was for this movie. It's daring, visceral and hopefully, the last thing anyone expects." Which to me sounds like a porn without a money shot… but hey, who am I to question Ridley Scott? So… to sum up, casting still continues for the sexy females of this space adventure… that may not have any aliens in it at all… or merely implied aliens… and it’ll be out next year. I’m sure it’ll be a great flick either way… but come on… there has to be xenomorphs even if there’s no Alien in the title anymore. We shall see…

Dark Knight Rises Villains – So after over a year of speculation as to who will be the villains in the next Batman movie (Riddler & Penguin among the best guesses), a press release from Warner Bros. Pictures has confirmed the two key members of Batman's Rogues Gallery that will appear in the much-anticipated upcoming "The Dark Knight Rises" - Catwoman and Bane. It reads "Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Anne Hathaway has been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises.” She will be starring alongside Christian Bale, who returns in the title role of Bruce Wayne / Batman. Christopher Nolan stated, “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story.” In addition, Tom Hardy (“Inception”) has been set to play Bane. Nolan said, “I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.” Nolan will direct the film from a screenplay he wrote with Jonathan Nolan, from a story by Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer. Nolan will also produce the film with his longtime producing partner, Emma Thomas, and Charles Roven. “The Dark Knight Rises” is slated for release on July 20, 2012. The film will be distributed worldwide by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment Company." Okay… so reading about as I do, it’s pointed out that Anne Hathaway is to play Selina Kyle… and NOT Selina Kyle / Catwoman as specified with Bale playing Bruce Wayne / Batman. Can Hathaway act her way out of a paper bag? Of course!!! This isn’t a Michael Bay movie for f**k’s sake. Does this make me remember Michelle Pfeiffer in a dirty & perverse way from “Batman Returns”? Absolutely!!! It did when that movie came out when I was ten years old… and probably will until I’m long since in the grave. I’m not entirely sure how Bane is going to be brought to the movie in a way similar to the comics where he’s quite the formidable foe (and I think actually kills Batman a few times) but he HAS to be better than that stupid f**king “Batman & Robin” version. I’m excited… but hey, it’s a year and a half away.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Tomorrow is Taco Tuesday… and I’ll also be interviewing roommates for Carmen’s room as she’ll be moving out at the end of the month. It should be interesting… but more on that when it happens I guess. Have a great night everybody!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Packers of Green Bay

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Let’s see… last time was right after George Clinton… so yeah, I think it was mostly work & unpacking during the week. I’ve been getting to know my roommates a bit… and I like ‘em. I approve. For example, Friday night I came home from work… and one of them (haven’t come up with good num de plume’s yet) has started her weekend a little early & is going for the Jack Daniels. You know what? We’ll call her Jackie Daniels… or Jackie D. Anyway, Jackie D was there & I had just gotten back from running a few errands. She is very outspoken & friendly… and we have VERY similar tastes in music, random references & we both know that the Eagles are the greatest team in football. She greeted me with “Happy Friday!!! Drink up!!!” and you really don’t have to suggest it to me twice… so she offers me some Jack in the fridge… but I’m a lightweight… so I want to mix it with something… and my choices were basically water, cranberry juice or what I chose… grape soda. Yes, I like grape soda… and I was convinced that if it turned out to be a good combination, that I would have to come up with a good name for my new cocktail. Gladly, there is no pressure to come up with a name for this beverage. It was like… grape flavored cough syrup… but in no way helping you fight disease.

We watched movies, laughed a lot, drank a bit, just had a merry evening when the other roommates came to join the festivities. Saturday was a beautiful day so I went walking around a bit… but had laundry to do to so stayed in the Presidio. That evening though, another roommate… we’ll say… Carmen since she’s from San Diego (which I believe is German for “the whale’s vagina”) invited me to a cocktail birthday party on Nob Hill for her friend. So we dressed up (as I do so well) and went to Le Club, which has a swingin’ 20’s atmosphere… and met the birthday girl’s family… but we were out of there after about an hour. It was one of those situations where I think she invited me because the only person she knew was the guest of honor… so she wanted me there to talk to, just in case. After Le Club, we decided to go to a bar near our apartment called The Final Final to play some darts. Alas the dart boards were spoken for… but the billiards table was not… so we played a few games, met some drunk gentlemen who challenged us to a game, and I’m pretty sure it was only so that they could see Carmen bend over when she shot… but whatever, we all got a great show.

Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday (in case you missed it) and the three of us (Jackie D, Carmen & Dr Love) went to another one of Carmen’s friend’s parties for the Big Game. The drive over was nice except for a little traffic getting to the 101, but it was okay because we know how to have fun in any situation apparently. The party was great with lots of food & drink, good people, and even the game wasn’t too bad. The commercials left something to be desired… but hey, we’re in a recession I guess. One interesting point was when Jackie D & I were just having a good time and getting each other’s references and just laughing at our own jokes… so one of the guys asked how long we’d been friends. “Well, we met for the first time… what? Two weeks ago? I moved in last Wednesday, then went to Vegas for four days… so we’ve known each like… a week? Maybe?” “Really? Because you guys seem like you’ve known each other for years.” “Well… Game recognize Game” then we toasted as we both got the Snoop Dogg reference. Good times.

Later that night, Bubbles sent me a text saying that she and her friend were watching movies (and drinking wine for hours) at her place, so she invited me over for a bit… and I wasn’t sleepy at all… so I went and saw a Katt Williams “LIVE” standup special… and I approve. Good wine, good friends, good times.

Monday, I basically spent the evening trying to set up my computer, PS3, etc so that they were ready to go… and I also got a special delivery… TWO NEW ROCK BAND GUITARS!!! See, my original had become useless after the four moves that it’s been a part of… so I found a good deal online… and got two of them for future Rock Band parties can involve a little “slappin’ da baaaass” and maybe even guitar duels. I’m still undefeated… though I’ve only done it twice… and they were both against Kyles (well, technically my brother Kiel & Lilie’s fiancé Kyle, but you get the drift). That’s really it that night though.

Wait, I did go wandering through the Netflix menu on the PS3 and found a gem that you might like… called a pretty low budget early 90’s sci-fi thriller called “Cyborg 2”. Why do I even mention it? Well… because it stars Elias Koteas (“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”, “The Prophecy” & now one of the “Law & Order” series but I forget which one), the late great Jack Palance ("City Slickers" for you young'uns) and… wait for it… an extremely young Angelina Jolie as a sexual time bomb. No really… that’s the plot of the movie. She’s a super sexy cyborg… with a bomb in her, set to go off at the appropriate time for a (messy) assassination. Now, I’m not going to lie… but I kinda fast forwarded through most of this movie because… well it was late & you could tell in the first few minutes that it probably wasn’t worth full theatrical attention for nuances and such… but then, as you may have guessed, about ¾ of the way through the movie, BOOM!!! It happened… gratuitous sex scene with full on boobage. See, the Lord works in mysterious ways… but apparently he loves me… and loves us all for sharing this thing of beauty in the most random of places. Do I recommend this movie? Absolutely… but for all the wrong reasons. Besides, if that’s all you’re looking for… check out “Gia” too. Have I done an Angelina Movie List yet? I don’t believe so. In fact… I’m thinking the only Female Actresses I’ve done such a list for… are maybe Milla Jovovich & Elisabeth Shue… and I did do that one of actresses who have worked with Mickey Rourke. Not exactly award winners… but hey, I may have to devise one for Mrs. Jolie-Pitt. Hmm… haven’t done one for Brad either, have I? What was my point? Oh yes, Angelina’s breasticles… go forth & Google away…

Tuesday night, Bubbles wasn’t feeling well, so I got her a bottle of red wine (her request) and she relaxed while the roommates and I had a little Movie Night (though not complete because there was no popcorn, booze, etc). The first movie was “RED” starring Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Brian Cox, Karl Urban & Mary Louise-Parker (damn fine cast… including Ernest Borgnine… and I know what you’re thinking, and yes he’s still alive). The story revolves around Frank Moses (Willis) a retired CIA operative who in his retirement, has decided to make a move for a girl he talked to on the phone a few dozen times in Kansas City (Parker) but at that time, for some reason people are trying to kill him. He picks the girl up because they may try to come after her next (his only contact the past few years) and that’s how they meet. Nice, right? Well, he starts to find out why they’re after him… and so he asks for help from his fellow retired friends (Freeman, Mirren, Malkovich, Borgnine & Cox) to help him. That’s the story. The movie is actually pretty damn hilarious… and I highly recommend it. It’s not dirty, bloody or anything like that… but just great acting, some pretty ridiculous scenarios & just a lot of fun. I can’t believe this movie wasn’t a bigger hit… but hey, now you can save $30 and just rent it for a dollar at your local grocery store.

Next was “The Social Network” starring Jesse Eisenberg & Justin Timberlake, which as I’m sure you know (since you’re reading this online) is about the story of the founding, business boom & lawsuits involving Facebook & founder Mark Zuckerberg (played by Eisenberg). It’s actually a pretty damn good movie which I highly recommend. It does kind of paint Zuckerberg, the world’s youngest billionaire, as a bit of an egotistical prick of a brilliant man-child… but at the same time, it’s just a great story about our day & age… and how a great idea can be so simple & fundamental… but in the right (or wrong) hands can be completely capitalized or destroyed. Being a nerd, I found certain parts hilarious… and I almost hate to say it… but Justin Timberlake can kind of act. Sure, he was playing the flashy & arrogant founder of Napster Sean Parker who comes along but I’ve seen a few movies with him (“Black Snake Moan”, “Alpha Dog”, etc) and he’s yet to really disappoint (and no, I haven’t seen “Love Guru”). Anyway, great flick from director David Fincher (“Se7en”, “Fight Club” & “Alien 3”).

Tonight, who knows what’s going to happen? I’ve got “Machete” from Netflix, so I’m sure that’ll be involved… and I think I’m going to finally arrange the living room appropriately. See, we’ve been trying to literally give away this old couch but… we’ve been getting the run around on Craigslist… so we may just give it to Goodwill if they’re willing to come pick it up, but I may also be giving them some stuff so… I think tonight we’ll do the final moving around to see what stays & what goes. I’m quite excited about it… because I want to have a big housewarming party with all the neighbors… and right now it’s still kind of an eyesore. Well, enough about eyesores… because as promised…

Angelina Jolie Movie List

Medal Winners

Gold – Mr & Mrs Smith (2005) – Don’t judge me! You know I love this movie… and it’s a great movie… and it made them a family. Deal with it!!! If you haven’t seen it, watch FX. It’s always on there.

Silver – Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) – As you know, I feel that if you want a movie to be a huge blockbuster action flick… just give Angelina a gun & film it. It’s the “high society” version of those films of girls in bikinis with machine guns… you know, like on “Jackie Brown”? This is pretty much the pinnacle of it… because she’s basically in short shorts, tight top, strapped, English accent, and God damn it just look at her. The sequel wasn’t bad either… and she got to work with her dad Jon Voight for a few seconds (though I understand they don’t get along too well… but hey, that’s family business). Other good flicks to check out for this particular fix are “Salt”, “Wanted”, and even “Sky Captain & the World of Tomorrow” which I haven’t seen in a few years… but I remember her being a “futuristic” space general with an eye patch like something out of Starship Troopers… so I may have to watch it on Netflix again.

Bronze – Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000) – I don’t particularly care for her as a blonde… or with dreadlocks… but there’s just something about a gorgeous girl getting excited when talking about muscle cars that just gets me equally excited. Sigh… I miss my Baby… but alas, even though this isn’t the finest flick for… really anybody in this movie (Nicolas Cage, Giovanni Ribisi, Robert Duvall, Vinnie Jones, Delroy Lindo, Timothy Olyphant, Scott Caan, Christopher Eccleston, even Chi McBride had better) I still enjoy it on a primal level. Oh yeah… remake of the same title that starred Michael Caine, about stealing cars… for a reason. You’ve all seen it. Please do not front.

Suggestion – Changeling (2008) – This movie was downright gripping at some parts. Directed by Clint Eastwood (so you know it’s good), it’s the story of a woman in the 20’s in LA whose young child goes missing. Well, a little later, the police say they’ve found him… but the child seems different… like completely different… and you would think a mother would know. Did they bring her the wrong child? Why won’t the police (Jeremy Donovan) believe her? Has she gone mad? It’s pretty good… and she gets to flex her acting muscles. Some others that I would recommend are the romantic comedy “Life or Something Like It” with Edward Burns (I remember it because it came out on my 21st birthday), “Taking Lives” which was a fairly predictable thriller with Ethan Hawke, “The Bone Collector” which was a better thriller with Denzel Washington & Angelina as a lady cop (EEooEEooEE!!!), “Gia” which is the HBO biopic movie that made her a star (and aforementioned boobage), “Original Sin” which is a sexy thriller with Antonio Benderas, “Playing by Heart” which is a chick flick that was forced upon me by former coworkers… but actually wasn’t that bad, and did you know that she was apparently in the Fox series “Hackers”? Yeah… I didn’t watch it either. It must’ve been in that Friday night timeslot like “Firefly” was…

Flush It – Wanted (2008) – You know, if I say a movie is too gory, then it probably is. Though I do like the epic voice of Morgan Freeman crying out, “Shoot THIS Mother F**ker!!!” as much as the next guy… and the quick shot of the Jolie’s joli is always appreciated… but yeah, the movie never needed to be made. “Cyborg 2” was pretty close… but boobage. I always rag on “Alexander” because… well, you might’ve seen it, but it wasn’t THAT bad. Just an hour or so longer than it really needed to be. Seriously, he died when he was in his early 30’s, right? It’s not like he’s Gandhi. I also just want to give a little bit of a razz to virtual Angelina in movies like Kung Fu Panda & Shark Tale and such where it’s just her voice… but one movie got it right… and that is “Beowulf” and if you don’t know, now you know.

Future Watch – Cleopatra (2012?) – Hollywood is all abuzz about the possibility of Angelina as Cleopatra & Brad Pitt as Marc Anthony & I think rumors are flying about Steven Spielberg directing or some crap like that but… you never know until it hits the silver screen. I think the DVD for “The Tourist” should be coming out soon… because I missed my chance with this whole moving thing over the past month or so. Looking forward to that. I’ve also never seen the movie that made her an Academy Award winning actress “Girl Interrupted” and I’m not sure why… but it may have something to do with being about crazy chicks. I get enough of those in my daily life. It’s like a firefighter who goes home to watch a marathon of “Backdraft” & “Ladder 49” or something.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Thanks for listening to me ramble about the last week or so. Hopefully you enjoyed it. If not, maybe next time. Valentine’s Day is coming up on Monday, so this weekend should be great for those people. Sigh… historically this hasn’t been my favorite time of year… but whatever, I’m thrilled to be in San Francisco… and I’m surrounded by wonderful people… and I’m sure that I’ll find something incredible to do to celebrate the holiday… even if by my own damn self. Have a great day everybody!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Godfather of Funk

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I know… I’m getting sloppy with keeping up with this thing… but rest assured, it’s not for a lack of trying. I’ve just been HELLA busy getting everything squared away with the new job, new apartment, moving in general, and then to be an ass… I went to Vegas for the weekend. I know, right? What the hell was I thinking? I’m glad you asked… because it had been a while since I went to visit my mistress… and I had planned this a few months ago… and I was going to f**k sh*t up with my Wingman… regardless of where I was flying from so… ain’t nothing changing but the tail number on the flight. Now, before that though, I was able to spend one evening in my new bedroom before that. Wednesday night, after work, I ran some errands & then started moving all of my bedroom stuff out of the living room into the recently-vacated master bedroom… and the only tricky stuff was the king mattress up a narrow staircase & the dresser for sheer weight, but it was done fairly easily… and I even set up the projector TV for my roommates… as they went through my extensive DVD collection & we chatted and got to know each other. I think they were more curious about me though… but seriously, what kind of a man has a collection of movies including everything from the Muppets to the Marx Brothers to Marilyn Monroe to Tony Montana to Martin Scorsese to Mariah Carey? Oh wait, that last one was a CD case they found. Don’t judge me. I’m a sucker for sultry R&B singers. Deal with it. They are… and they like it. Anyway, enough about that, on to Vegas…

Thursday after work, I took the BART for the first time… and managed to f**k that up. Apparently, you get off at a certain stop in San Bruno, then switch to another train that takes you out to the airport, even though the signage says to stay on a certain train until the next stop when you get off the train… so yeah, I looked like a dumbass getting off the train & then hopping right back on with my baggage. Luckily, I looked stupid enough that a few people noticed. I sat next to some guys in construction. “Excuse me, you going to the airport?” “Yeah, is this the right way?” “You want to get off on that last stop, go to the other side, and then that’ll take you out there… but now, it’s gonna be about 45 minutes or so cuz you have to get off at the next one at Millbrae, wait for that train, take it back there, wait for another one… you know?” “Ah… lame…” It was about this time that I felt a hand on my shoulder from behind. Luckily I could tell it was a lady hand otherwise somebody might’ve gotten popped.

“Sir, if you would like, I’m getting off at Millbrae & I could drive you out to the Airport if you would like. It’s just a few minutes from where I live.” “Well, I don’t want to intrude or anything…” “No intrusion. It’ll be my good deed for the day.” “Oh well… if it’s your good deed for the day… then it’d be rude to deny you that.” So Soccer Mom was there with a field trip as a chaperon with her daughter… but the daughter wanted to go hang out with her friends at In-n-Out Burger, so it was basically just the two of us running out to the airport. We chatted. She asked me where I was going, from, etc. & somehow we got to talking about traveling the world… and we both yakked about Italy & France (apparently she goes there every few months with her job) and yeah, good times. Then I got to the airport to find my flight delayed about two hours so… that 45 minutes wouldn’t have been a problem but I’m glad it worked out that way.

Eventually I made it to Vegas, met up with the Wingman, and we checked into the new Cosmopolitan hotel at the City Center on the Strip. The last time I had been to the Strip, the City Center was still a bit of an eyesore from my view at the Grand Chateau… but now, it’s a pretty hip trendy place to see & be seen. The hotel is VERY modern contemporary… but still pretty cool. They have a bar shaped like a giant chandelier, LCD screens EVERYWHERE, with images of Jellyfish on pillars, and hip futuristic designs throughout. Very cool, you should check it out if you get the chance, even just the casino. The rooms were pretty nice too… except one little thing. We had a room with two double beds, so intended for a family, right? Well, the shower… has this sliding curtain so you can watch the person shower… or if you’re more conservative, just watch their silhouette bathe. We decided that this hotel room was geared more towards swingers than family. Anyway, here are some pictures…

That night, we didn’t do a whole hell of a lot. Both of us had been up since the crack of dawn… and my flight was late… so we had a great Italian dinner at the Bootlegger & got some essentials at Safeway and then enjoyed the Fountains of Bellagio from the window of our 37th floor room and turned in around midnight.

Friday, we eventually got out of bed & wandered about the City Center & the Strip. Yeah, just wandered during the few daylight hours that we had, ate at Fatburger, grabbed a 100 oz alcoholic beverage by the yard (with a little extra booze courtesy of gratuity) & this started off the evening right… but here are pictures of the day first…
"That's your problem right there... your camshaft..."

Next was the Cirque du Soleil production Zumanity at New York New York. I had wanted to see this show for a while… because you know… I’ve heard great things about Cirque… but daddy also likes strip clubs… so when it came down to one or the other… I always went with the other… until they decided to combine the sensuality of the strip club… without the lingering smell. What is that smell by the way? Desperation? Smut? I think it’s smut. Anyway, this show was amazing… and very sexy & sensual… and incredible performers… and even funny. Don’t know what I need to do to be part of the interactivity with the performers (buy seats closer & be middle aged) but I may have to consider it. I highly recommend it.
This is actual the new Sirens at TI but... no pictures in Zumanity

After the show, we ugh… well… we went where gentlemen do when in Vegas and unattached to any female counterparts. No, not the clubs like Tryst (by the way, my favorite, just for the name), but rather the gentlemen’s clubs… and long story short, we found a great place to get Chinese food at 4 AM called… I think it was Harbor Palace… damn drinks… but they’ll kick you out at 5 AM. Trust me.

Saturday, we arose at the crack of noon, then enjoyed my new favorite Vegas buffet, the Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan. Great food, wide selection, trendy atmosphere, and only $23 (or $35 if you want mimosas & bloody marys). I was severely stuffed by the end of the meal… and I had barely touched the dessert section with various gelatos for my enjoyment. Yeah… it was that good. Oh... and I jumped off the Stratosphere around sunset...

That evening, our first stop was the concert of the amazing Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine at the Green Valley Resort in Henderson (about 20 minutes from the Strip). For those of you who don’t know (apparently new to the blog), Richard Cheese performs lounge version of hip-hop & heavy metals songs. You have the usual quartet of drums, bass, piano & lounge singer… and the fairly standard melodies… but the words are that of popular songs that… just go so well in the format. From the opener of “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails… to the tango of “Insane in the Membrane” by Cypress Hill… to a soulful rendition of “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot… to the closer of “Summertime” by Sublime, just an incredible show with plenty of humor to go around. Really considering going to see him again on February 20th here in San Francisco. The only problem… standing room only venue… but it worked pretty well later in the week, but more on that later. Again, highly recommended if they come to your town.

Next, the Wingman & I decided to go see “The Mechanic” starring Jason Statham, Donald Sutherland & Ben Foster. It’s the story of a hitman (Statham) who gets a job from his superiors to take out his own handler (Sutherland) which of course he does. Well, his handler’s deadbeat son (Foster) is hellbent on finding the man that killed his father… but asks the hitman for help. Awkward… and the story goes from there. Basically it’s everything that you’d expect from a Jason Statham movie. Fights, guns, blood, shirtless, car chases, more fights, more guns, steely demeanors, don’t get me wrong, I like Jason Statham & he’s obviously the best there is as far as action heroes nowadays. I’m just saying nobody in this movie will be considered for an Academy Award. Action was okay… story VERY predictable… see it if you’d like.

Sunday, I had an early morning flight, which apparently went to LAX before going to SFO, which kinda sucked… but whatever, I had a seat with good legroom so I let it slide. Got back to the apartment, started unloading a few boxes in the bedroom, got a pizza with the roommates, then… they found the Rock Band. At that point, any plans that I had to finish the bedroom went completely out the window… but a Rock Band Party ensued… so it was okay. I don’t think I need to tell you… but the ladies were impressed with the Golden Pipes… and they haven’t experienced the guitar skills yet (apparently it’s still broken, but two new ones are on the way).

Monday was work, then Bubbles wanted company for her monthly grocery shopping trip… and I didn’t have any food, so I accompanied her there… and to Petco (had Brutis’ back to make sure she got the good stuff). Eventually I made it back home, unloaded some more boxes, then when the roommates started going to bed, I decided to go downstairs & watch a movie, “Repo Men” starring Jude Law, Forest Whitaker & Liev Schrieber. It’s a futuristic story of people basically repossessing organ transplants when hospital bills aren’t paid in a timely manner. Seems to make sense, right? Yeah, if you’re a heartless cretin like me… but apparently it’s a bad thing. It’s a movie full of parellels & metaphors for the human condition… and it’s actually a pretty good flick, though gritty & bloody at times, but nothing amazing. The RZA had a cameo so I had to throw up a WU but other than that, not a whole lot of great things about the movie.

Tuesday was work, even though I was feeling a little under the weather (usual Vegas weekend flu?) then I was able to set up my bed, just in time to go to the George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic concert at Yoshi’s Jazz Club. The venue was surprisingly nice… not sure what I was expecting exactly but this was above & beyond… like a real nice jazz club with seats, waitresses, and of course… a dance floor. Once the music started, this white boy got funky. I hate to say it… but George is getting up there in the years… and I think he might have a throat ailment or two… but he’s still a great performer, full of charisma, and P-Funk is absolutely amazing. The concert was over three hours… and brought out all the classics… and even George’s granddaughter had a nice couple of numbers. I couldn’t quite make out her name (throat ailment or two) but yeah, pretty good. Google it. Even mild illness couldn’t keep me from getting my funk on for hours at a time… but I sure felt it this morning when I woke up. Well worth it though. If you EVER get a chance to see them in concert, do yourself a favor and get seats… or dance floor admission. Whatever’s clever.

Anyway, that’s the week that was. I’ll try to keep up on this thing a little better now that I’m starting to get settled… but hey, if you don’t hear from me, it obviously means that I’m out doing something fun… so I won’t feel too bad about it & neither should you. Have a great day everybody!!!

Where Should I Go Next?