Blind Bastards Club

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The roommate search went VERY well. Carmen was out of town for the first round… but she’s the one moving out so she didn’t need to be there. Before the interviews even started, I made a joke like “Dude, what if a stripper or a go-go dancer interviews? I can’t be held responsible if my natural instinctual reaction is ask if she plans on paying rent in singles & making it rain all over the place…” and Jackie D thought it was hilarious & said not to jinx it. Tracy, the 3rd roommate, did not think it was funny at all & got all nervous. I eased her concerns… but yeah, she’s kind of a wet blanket in nearly every single situation possible… but she’s alright & means well… just not a whole lot of fun thus far with her. I think she was an only child or something. Anyway, on to the interviews…



The first interview… we’ll call her McDavis… she was awesome. She brought cookies, found out that she & Tracy went to the same college, graduated a year apart, they even had mutual friends, her school / career choice was basically like mine (mechanic engineering to business), she’s a dinosaur nerd, works at Lucas Arts (Star Wars) & we all just got a great vibe off her. Basically at that point, I know that she was going to be Tracy’s favorite… and pretty much mine too… and there really wasn’t a scenario that I could fathom short of Megan Fox walking in the door (and even then, I’d just offer to share my room) that would be better for her. We chatted for like 45 minutes… and then she left. The cookies were delicious as well.



Next was Red, who arrived a little late (30 minutes or so) but she had a long commute from the other side of the bay. She was VERY cute… and a redhead (not natural I’m sure) and I remembered from her email that she was an esthetician / makeup artist / seamstress. So yeah, I like the way she was put together. She actually was surprisingly deep too… and she told us of her goals & background. Then the question came up on how she was planning to pay rent because she mentioned she was between gigs. “Well… you don’t need to worry about that because… I have… some money saved up, so rent won’t be a problem.” Jackie D & I glanced at each other thinking the same thing… somebody’s a stripper. I had to hold back my internal excitement & Jackie almost cracked up too. The questioning went on as the third person showed up on time, so they overlapped a bit. Basically, I thought she was pretty cool (and hot) and she thought we were BY FAR the coolest people she had met yet in her search, because apparently she had stories of weirdos where it involved meditation… or vegetarian nazis… and some creepy woman in her 50’s that basically told her “You shouldn’t have applied because I’m going to say no” “Then why did you invite me over?” So yeah… Tracy didn’t like her as much… but I think it’s because she asked about bringing friends over… and seriously, I don’t know what Tracy’s problem is… but she has to f**k up everybody’s day if it’s not what she wants. By the way, I have yet to mention Taco Tuesday to her… and I’m kind of wondering if I should even mention it. I will I’m sure… but yeah, she doesn’t seem to want anybody around the apartment… and that simply won’t happen. I’m not bringing the whole bar with me… but a friend or two WILL happen. I don’t care how awkward you make them feel in the first three seconds of meeting them (true story with Bubbles last week, we pass her leaving as we walked in the door, I introduce them – “Oh, nice to meet you. $teve has told me so much about you.” “WHAT? What exactly has he told you about me? We don’t even know each other.” Awkward silence… “No… nothing bad, just that you’re… a great roommate?” “Oh… okay, well, I’ve gotta go.”). Anyway…



The third girl Nurse was a nurse who is going to be working at Stanford Hospital (45 minutes away) but loves the Presidio area… and because she does 3-12 hour shifts, she figured it would be alright. She was very quiet, a little shy, but opened up towards the end when Jackie D & I went off on a little tangent about something. I see her as a roommate that I would probably never see because of her odd hours & sleeping or wandering around the city on her days off… but whatever, I liked her. Hell, I’d probably join her on a few journeys on my days off. I liked all of them really. So yeah, after the questions & what-not, Nurse expressed her interest & left.



Afterwards, we had the roommate discussion… and I started it off with “So… is anybody else thinking that Red is a stripper down on Broadway?” Jackie D & I went off for a while on that, “Dude, you totally called it before the interviews started. You must know your dancers.” “I thought she looked familiar…” blah blah blah. Tracy asked us to rank them… making sure that she put hers first saying that McDavis was amazing… then Nurse… and she didn’t like Red at all. Jackie D went same order… but liked Red. I pretty much agreed… because like I said, I liked them all… but McDavis seemed the best fit for us. There are a few more this weekend (maybe) but yeah… I’m thinking it’ll be McDavis getting the offer (unless Miss Fox shows up over the weekend) and then probably Nurse if that doesn’t go for whatever reason.



Friday night after work, Jackie D, Bubbles & I met up with some friends & coworkers at Grumpy’s for a few drinks & a French burger. Good times but a very packed place on a Friday night… so after a while Jackie D & I decided to go to The Final Final for some darts, billiards & drink. We even met a few people & Jackie D inadvertently tried to blind one of them. It happens.



Saturday was a rainy rainy day… so we decided to spend the day inside cleaning up a bit, then watching several Tyler Perry movies, which I had never seen before, but are actually pretty damn good. Based on the previews, I had thought they were all just the usual African-American comedies like “Friday” or “Good Sunday” or “Barbershop” or and that kind of stuff, but there’s actually very little comedy & more about life lessons. Totally unexpected. We watched “Madea Goes to Jail”, “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” and… another one I can’t remember off-hand… but they were all pretty good. I highly recommend them. The jokes are pretty funny… and the stories are universal. Go for it.



Saturday night, we were in the mood for karaoke (after dancing in a few music videos thanks to my projector TV & YouTube) so we went to the Silver Cloud restaurant & bar in the Marina. It was okay, but the weird thing was that it was pretty much standing room only, but there only seemed to be three people singing on the stage… and even then, you couldn’t really hear them, which I’m sure is probably a blessing… but yeah, odd place for karaoke in my personal opinion. Regardless, Jackie D & I had a fun time (Carmen didn’t come because she was exhausted from her trip & Tracy went out of town for the weekend) and we hit up Pizza Orgasmica for some late night grub afterwards.



Sunday morning, we had two more interviews for roommates. The first we’ll call New York. She was a little early (like it) and she seemed pretty nice. We chatted for a bit and everything was going fine… then she asked “What’s that sour smell?” Obviously I had no idea what they were talking about so I glanced at the roommates (Jackie D & Carmen) and they had no idea what she was talking about. “Well, we did just cook some eggs but… hmm, Febreze?” So then New York was wandering around the living room like a bloodhound, sniffing & looking for the cause, which I thought was helpful as hell… but the other roommates kinda looked at me like “What is going on right now?” No culprit was found… but we still blasted the room with Febreze just in case. Like I said, New York was nice & everything… but we’ve had a LOT of nice interviews. We’ll see how it goes.



Next was a girl that I’ll call… Belle. Now, when I received her reply for the room, I noticed that her email address was yahoo.fr, which as you may know… means she at least registered… as French. Having only communicated by email, I didn’t know what to expect. Oh yes… she was French… and she had the accent… and she made the pants stiffen by simply saying my name… and she wasn’t bad on the eyes either. So yeah, this interview was mainly conducted by the ladies as I just sat back & enjoyed the sweet love being made to my ear holes. It was a pretty standard interview besides that… and of course, I walked her out the door (because I hate to see you go… but I love to watch you leave). Sigh… so yeah, again the roommates liked her too. “What do you think, $teve?” “Sigh… I think I have a problem controlling myself around French women…” so yeah, I like the idea, but the roommates didn’t seem to be sold. She was also only looking short term (intern from France on a temporary work visa) but I’d probably be sick of her by then anyway.



After the interviews, the roommates & I were going to make a trek to Target for some essentials in mass quantities… and I found out that Bubbles needed a ride to her car (parties the night before) so we all packed up in Gretchen & headed out. For as lame as it sounds, we actually had a lot of fun. You wouldn’t think that three people who met each other for the first time three weeks ago would be as closely knit as us. Heck, after Target, we were having dinner at Tortilla Heights, and we were sharing life stories, nicknames, even tragedies & stuff. Usually this kind of trust & openness takes a lot of time… but yeah, we’ve been doing it for a week or so now. The sad thing is… Carmen is going to be moving out soon… and Jackie D may be right behind (fantastic job offer in Philly). One thing’s for sure though… if Tracy gets to pick one roommate, I’m going with Belle for my pick. I don’t care if she doesn’t have a job, we can share my room. “But how do I pay for ziss room?” “Mo’cher, just read some French to me in a sexy voice… and do it dossimo, do it… very slowly. Don’t rush it, oui?” “Oui.” Don’t judge me.



This weekend, we also decided to watch the new “The Karate Kid” starring Jaden Smith & Jackie Chan. As you know, I love the original… but I was pretty sure that the remake was going to be pretty good too. It actually was. The story starts out that a young boy Dre (Smith) & his mother are moving from Detroit to Beijing because the auto plant she works at transferred her there. By the way, side note: It mentioned in the beginning that Dre’s father died… but didn’t explain why or how… but being Detroit, my guess would be lead poisoning. Anyway, they move there… and the boy doesn’t like it… primarily because there’s a bully (and his gang) that pick on him because Dre has the hots for a cute Chinese girl. So yeah… eventually he wants to learn Kung Fu to fight back… but the place he wants to learn is where the bully learns… and the sensai’s a mean douche. Luckily there’s the wise maintenance man (Chan) who befriends & trains him… and strikes the legendary deal to have the kids back off Dre until they can fight in the tournament. You’ve all seen the original, right? Okay, so I’d say check it out. As far as a remake goes, it’s not that bad… and you get to see Beijing, which is an amazing city… and Jaden Smith has mannerisms & joke telling ability just like his dad the Fresh Prince… so yeah, it’s work a dollar rental. Check it out… speaking of Detroit…



A Reason to Visit Detroit – For hundreds of years, people have been trying to come up with a reason for visiting Detroit, the Musical Motor City. The city has had many peaks & valleys in its history… but two things have always rang true… those who live there are some of the hardest working people of this or any generation… and somebody’s going to get shot. Not exactly the kind of things that bring in big tourism money… but nonetheless part of their identity. Well now, ladies & gentlemen, there’s something that could very well change all of that. From sci-fi cult film, to Twitter phenomenon to Detroit landmark-in-the-making, plans for a statue honoring RoboCop, the half-man, half-machine crimefighter of the 1987 movie (and its sequels), are moving ahead after a group of artists and entrepreneurs in Detroit, Michigan raised more than $50,000 via Facebook and an online fund-raising site. "It hit a sweet spot. It's a fun and funny idea to build a statue of RoboCop," said Jeff Paffendorf, who helped lead the project inspired by a whimsical suggestion sent to Detroit Mayor Dave Bing via Twitter last week. Mayor Bing (Detroit Pistons basketball legend) tweeted back at the time that there were no plans for a RoboCop statue, an off-hand remark that bounced around the Internet and generated calls for him to reconsider. "There's violence in 'RoboCop,' but through the film RoboCop tries to do the right thing," Paffendorf said. Bing's office is still not convinced, but a spokeswoman said the city is studying how it could accept and display a gift RoboCop statue. "We know there are a lot of people that care deeply about the issue, and we respect that," said Karen Dumas of Bing's office. "But I'm still not sure that RoboCop is the best message for the city of Detroit." Paffendorf said the RoboCop statue could go somewhere downtown if the city approves, perhaps near the landmark fist statue honoring legendary boxer Joe Louis. That’s right… allow me to rephrase that a little bit. They may not allow a RoboCop statue… because there’s violence in the movie (and lots of it) BUT… there’s a possibility that it could be near an already-erected FIST statue… honoring legendary boxer Joe Louis. For those of you who are not aware, boxing is a sport in which two fully grown men strip down to shorts & a mouthguard… and pummel the hell out of each other for about an hour while millions around the world watch. Just to clarify. Regardless, even if Detroit will not allow RoboCop on city-owned land, a nonprofit arts group plans to display the statue, he said. Paffendorf said a sculptor and a metal artist have already been chosen to complete the job. So what do you think? Obviously I’m cool with the idea… but I want to name my first kid Murphy because that was RoboCop’s name… regardless of the child’s sex. I think it’s a great idea not unlike the Rocky Statue in Philadelphia… where the fictitious underdog stood with the giants & shined. RoboCop is the story of second chances. Officer Alex Murphy was a man who gave his life trying to protect the people of his city… but through the marvels of modern technology, he was given a second chance to continue protecting the innocent… and had plenty of guns at his disposal to do so. Detroit NEEDS RoboCop. Besides, I’d hate to drive completely out of my way on a visit to Chicago to find there’s no such statue & it was all BS. I already did that with Needles, CA and the alleged Sam Kinison statue. OH OH OHHHHH!!! So frustrating… but congratulations to the fund raisers on Kickstarter who got this done. Best of luck with finding the proper spot for such an icon… and kudos to Mayor Bing on helping them out too… which I’m sure he will do when all things are considered. Now if we can just get a Tony Montana statue in Miami we’d be set.



Judge Dredd Update – Speaking of bringing back violent comic based men of the law, actress Lena Headey (“300” & "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles") has joined the cast of the currently shooting "Dredd" reports JDMN. Headey, who began shooting her role in South Africa last week, will play the scarred Madeline Madrigal (a.k.a. Ma-Ma) who is the leader of a gang and the film's primary villain. She joins a cast that includes Karl Urban (“Star Trek” & “Pathfinder”) as Judge Dredd and Olivia Thirlby (“Juno”) as Cassandra Anderson. Pete Travis is directing from a script by Alex Garland and the film is currently targeting an early 2012 release. That is all.



Blind Bastards Club – In what can only be the next multiple Academy Award winning film extravaganza, Lenny Kravitz, Mickey Rourke, Rosario Dawson, Rodrigo Santoro and Riccardo Scamarcio are all attached to star in “The Blind Bastard Club” reports Screen Daily. The story follows a group of blind thrill-seekers who begin bar brawls, jump out of planes and pretend they’re not blind - all in order to live life on the edge. I’m thinking “The Bucket List” meets “Scent of a Woman” but with a lot more swearing & blood. The leader of the pack (I’m assuming Rourke) soon falls for a rollerblading call girl (mmm.. I’m praying it’s Dawson). Ash Baron-Cohen (”This Girl’s Life”) will direct the $6 million feature and shooting kicks off in Brazil in April. Frank Desmarais, Andrew Mysko and Cory Neal will produce. Now I know why they wanted to be in this movie… it’s filming in Brazil. Damn it! I’m in the wrong business. I could be filming in Brazil… or Hong Kong… or Prague… or even Vancouver. Oh wait… I already live in San Francisco… one of only three cities to have a $teve certified Movie List (New Orleans & Las Vegas are the others). It could make for a pretty good movie. We shall see.



Anyway, that should do it for this past weekend. The roommate decision is coming up soon… and Taco Tuesday tomorrow night, so bring all your friends. It’s really going to be a small gathering of roommates, neighbors & whoever else shows up so… yeah, we’ve got chicken, fixings, tortillas, cheese, various salsas, chips, sombreros & tequila. We almost bought a piñata at Target yesterday… but maybe another time. We’ll have to see how the inaugural TaTu goes. Have a great day everybody!!!

Of Mice & Men

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Bubbles will be arriving in the morning because she got off work a little late & was skittish about driving with the rainy weather we’ve been having… and it might freeze overnight. Frankly, I’m feeling a little better about it too. You know her safety is a top priority of mine. That’s why my buddy Oswald watches over her… unless I end up moving there soon. You guys remember Oswald, right? The one-footed pigeon crime fighter & defender of the innocent (and Bubbles)? Well, I’m sure that you’re not interested in all that. You probably want to know about the interview, don’t you?

So… I don’t want to jinx it… but I had probably better start REALLY checking out apartments this next week. The interview was done via Skype, so my first web cam experience… and I think it went pretty well. I answered the questions (in my humble opinion) splendidly, met a few of the people I would be working with, we answered each other’s questions about the position, expectations, etc, you know… a pretty standard interview. I was my usual charming self with job experience flowing out of every orifice that I’m sure they could tell even with grainy visual footage & a choppy vocal connection. They will probably be contacting me in the next few days… and I guess we’ll see how it goes from there… but of course, I’m optimistic… because seriously, LOOK AT ME!!! I’d get this job on looks alone… and my skills are even more impressive. It’s in the bag like two-for-five… and if you don’t know, now you know… what? Yeah, no big story to tell or anything about it… but I think it went very well… like VERY well. So in the meantime, I guess I’ll share some real news with ya…

Shark Attack - A single female whitetip shark (aka single white female) has been linked to at least three out of five attacks on tourists at a popular Egyptian Red Sea resort, and is still in the area, an expert helping investigators said on Thursday. Three Russians and a Ukrainian were attacked off Sharm el-Sheikh in the space of two days last week, suffering severe injuries (must have a taste for meat marinated in vodka). On Sunday a 70-year-old German woman snorkeler died after a shark tore a piece out of her thigh and severed her forearm. It was the first death from a shark attack in Egypt since 2004. Officials had just lifted a ban on swimming in the area imposed after the first attacks. A whitetip seen minutes before the first attacks on two of the Russians has been identified as the shark photographed when the German woman was attacked five days later, said Elke Bojanowski, an expert on the Red Sea's whitetip sharks. She said the shark still appeared to be in the area. "Instead of briefly grabbing for testing or tasting purposes, this female apparently considers human swimmers as a potential food source," she said. An international team of scientists was interviewing witnesses, studying the environment and gathering data from local divers to understand the shark's behavior. Speculation has centered on the practice of luring sharks with bait, or chum, to film them, causing them to associate humans with food, or a depletion of fish stocks that could force them to seek alternative food sources. Some experts suggest that sheep and cattle that died while being shipped in for last month's Muslim feast of Eid el-Adha might have been thrown overboard in the Red Sea. If they had drifted to shallow waters, this might have encouraged sharks to bite anything unusual floating on the sea surface. There are even rumors that the Israeli Moussad fighters have trained the sharks to attack Egyptians. I am not joking… but then again, it’s pretty much standard practice over there to blame everything on Israel anyway. "There are lots of rumors going around here in Sharm but few facts," said Jochen Van Lysebettens, head of the Red Sea Diving College in Sharm. "My personal view is the behavior of the sharks must have been triggered by their feeding off something unusual in the water -- chum, fish or carcasses." Egypt's government said on Thursday it would pay $50,000 in compensation to each of the Russians who were attacked. By the way, does anybody else find it amusing that this is all occurring in the RED Sea? And some are blaming these “Jaws”-like attacks on Jews? Maybe Steven Spielberg gave them the idea while he was filming “Munich” and the sharks are finally trained & ready. Now if they could just get the Egyptians into the water instead of pasty white tourists… I know, it sounds crazy. That’s why I’m saying it. Hopefully they figure out what the issue is because… I’d really like to visit Sharm el-Sheikh someday. I consider it one of the few places in the Middle East that isn’t completely crazy… but that may soon change.

Taxing the Oldest Profession - Challenged with a 100 million Euro ($133 million) deficit, one western German city has introduced a day tax on prostitutes to help fill its budget gap (pun certainly intended). The new "pleasure tax" requires prostitutes in Dortmund to purchase a 6 Euro "day ticket" for each day they work… or face a potential fine. The city estimates that the new tax will add some 750,000 Euros to its coffers each year (that’s about 350 sex workers per day on average). "Dortmund has financial problems like many cities in Germany," city spokesman Michael Meinders told Reuters. "We considered several sex taxes but this was the most practical proposal." Really? Okay. The new tax went into effect in August but the day tickets have not been available until this week. An alternative proposal was to charge a 1 or 2 Euro fee to anyone entering Dortmund's red-light district, but this idea got little political support, Meinders said. You know… to protect people that just go there for the pastries and souvenir shopping, I’m sure. Such taxes are not unusual in Germany where prostitution is legal and sex workers must pay tax on their income (hint hint). Cologne (the muskiest smelling city in the world) introduced a 150 Euro "pleasure tax" on sex workers in 2004 and later added a 6 Euro day tax option for part-time prostitutes. So basically, the German government has realized that they need a pimp’s cut on this game. Is it a perfect solution? Of course not. We’re estimating that this tax will only cover less than one percent of the deficit (unless business is-a boomin’ over the next few months). Is it a start? Certainly. Just thought you all might like to know about it. Do I approve of prostitution? Not particularly… but the way I see it, we’re all doing it for the money. No matter what your job is… unless you’re one of the lucky few who genuinely enjoy what you do… you’re basically a corporate prostitute… but obviously a title with a better connotation.

Of Mice & Men - US scientists have used stem cell technology to create mice from two fathers, an advance that they say could help preserve endangered species (pandas) and even help same-sex couples have their own genetic children one day (speaking of San Francisco…). According to the study published Wednesday in the journal Biology of Reproduction, reproductive scientists in Texas were able to manipulate cells from a male (XY) mouse fetus to produce an induced pluripotent stem (iPS) cell line. These iPS cells are adult cells that have undergone some genetic reprogramming in order to enter an embryonic stem cell-like state. Still with me? Okay. Some of the cells that were grown from this new line spontaneously lost their Y chromosome, turning them into XO cells. Those XO cells were injected into embryos from donor female mice and transplanted into surrogate mouse moms who gave birth to babies with one X chromosome from the original male mouse. Those babies grew and later mated with normal male mice. Their offspring, both male and female, showed genetic contributions from two fathers (daddy and… the guy whose goo was processed through a centrifuge, filtered, injected into random chick’s embryo, transplanted into mommy and you bear his genetic information). The study was led by Richard R. Berhringer at the MD Anderson Cancer Center. Researchers said that with a variation of their technique, "it may also be possible to generate sperm from a female donor and produce viable male and female progeny with two mothers." However, the study cautioned that the ability to replicate the findings in humans was a long way off. The "generation of human iPS cells still requires significant refinements prior to their use for therapeutic purposes," the study said. Previous research has found ways to create mice without any fathers at all, as well as ways to create mice with two mothers. It’s the future, ladies & gentlemen. The only question that I have is… where’s the stork during all of this? And the diamonds? And the cabbage patch? This is an abomination!!! Sigh… you know I’m just playing, right? Children are the future (whether we like them or not). Call me old fashioned… but I kinda prefer the ways of making babies the way that nature intended… not these fancy birth control methods like… pulling out. (Tehehe… watch “Dirty Work”) But yeah, I know that Love, Marriage, Children and all that other stuff sometimes doesn’t line up perfectly… and I’m glad that scientists are finding a ways for us & other species to reproduce. Say what you will about stem cell research and all that… but I approve of it.

As you know, with recent developments included, I would like to start a family someday. Sure, I’m a few dozen MAJOR steps from even considering stuff like that (i.e. finding a stable home & job situation, a woman who I enjoy spending my time with, care for deeply, is willing to have sex with me, can stand living with, convinces me that I can see spending my life without her, she feels the same way, marriage, deciding to have children, etc) but you know me, I’m insanely optimistic. All I have to do is get out there, be around people, let them realize what a true wonder of nature I am (and humble), and then the ladies will flock to me, literally flock to me. I’m an amazing human being… but I’m also terribly shy sometimes & rarely make the first move. Living in the city though, may change all of that. Hopefully it won’t turn me into a douche… but please be sure to keep me in check if it appears that I’m turning that way. Well, I guess this weekend there will be a lot of decisions made. Do I take the job? Do I move yet again? Is it really a better situation? Is the juice worth the squeeze? Will the job even be offered to me? What would the timetable be? What’s the next step down the road? Why am I so ambitious? Why do I never seem to be content with a good situation & want great? What to get everybody for Christmas? What’s for dinner? Do I really need another drink? This is free, right? How am I going to get home? Where are my pants? So many decisions to make & questions to answer. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Interview Tomorrow

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Tomorrow is a big day. I’m scheduled for an interview with the job opportunity in San Francisco… and then probably after that, I’ll have a pretty major decision to make. Luckily I’ve had a lot of practice in these kinds of things over the past few years, so it should be pretty simple by now. You know, the weighing of the Pros & Cons, logistics, timetables, all that fun stuff… but first, they have to win me over. I’m not in a horrible position at all. I’m content with my current situation. Great job, good roommate, good apartment, etc. and moving is a pain the arse as I’m sure most of you know. Again, I have a lot of crap… and chances are, I won’t be able to find a place to store all that crap for a reasonable price in the greater San Francisco area (maybe Oakland). I guess what I’m saying is… there may be a possible yard sale in the Tahoe area if anybody’s interested… but most of my stuff is back in Utah anyway. Sigh… never would’ve thought that I’d be in situations like this just a few years ago. Oh well, life keeps you entertained, I guess. So yeah, interview tomorrow, Bubbles coming this weekend, after that… who knows. Got a call from my stepsister in Dayton last night & I might be going to visit them next weekend to say hi for the holidays. Apparently my oldest nephew is on the 7th grade basketball team now so I may have to show him a few moves and drills that helped me when I was his age. The week after that, I’m heading back to Utah for Christmas. That’s right, Christmas is two weeks away. Hope you did your shopping… and made a lot of macaroni pictures for the family like I did. “It’s a duck!” “That’s great, $teve. I especially like the use of glitter on the water.” Here’s some news…

Vick Update – So… Michael Vick is among the leaders for Most Valuable Player and probably Comeback Player of the Year since he was arresting for the whole dogfighting ring thing a few years back. However, there is no doubt on one popularity contest. He is the leading vote-getter for the Pro Bowl (football’s All-Star game for those who don’t know). Michael Vick leads Pro Bowl voting just a year and a half after he was released from Leavenworth prison. The Philadelphia Eagles quarterback had 729,838 fan votes, nearly 39,000 more than second-place Peyton Manning, the NFL said Wednesday. Manning topped the balloting two weeks ago (but has thrown a career-high 11 interceptions in the past three games). “I think it’s just a credit to everything I’ve tried to accomplish on and off the field, just working as hard as I can to change things around, be a part of the solution and not the problem,” Vick said. “I changed my life and it just goes to show anybody can do it. It’s an unfortunate situation, the things that happened, I wish I could go back and change it all. I wish I could take it all back. The only thing I can do is move forward.” It’s the latest evidence many fans seem willing to forgive Vick for the vicious dogfighting operation that sent him to prison for 18 months—and embrace his stunning return to NFL stardom. A backup to start the season, Vick has led the Eagles to first place in the NFC East, accounting for 21 touchdowns and throwing just two interceptions. “I appreciate my fans, man,” Vick said. “Couldn’t do it without them. Been very supportive over the last three years. What more can you ask for?” Manning had 691,146 votes, which led the AFC, followed by New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (623,074), Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson (591,598) and Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers (547,340). Online Pro Bowl voting ends Dec. 20. The teams are picked by a vote combination from fans, players and coaches. Vick, a three-time Pro Bowler with the Atlanta Falcons, pleaded guilty to federal dogfighting charges in August 2007. He was released from federal custody and conditionally reinstated by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell in July 2009. But it wasn’t clear how much interest teams would have in the quarterback who once wowed fans with his unique skills, yet frustrated them with his inconsistency when he last played in the league in 2006. The Eagles signed him before last season, when he was the third-string quarterback and had limited playing time as a change of pace. Even after Philadelphia traded away Donovan McNabb, Vick was expected to back up Kevin Kolb. But when Kolb was hurt in the opener, Vick took over and showed a newfound maturity as a passer. Added to his running skills, he’s made the Eagles a contender at 8-4. The Eagles, averaging 28.7 points per game, are the second-highest scoring team in the league, next to only the New England Patriots at 31.6. “It’s a great honor, a great position to be in right now, because I haven’t made the Pro Bowl yet, but it’s a credit to my coaches, a credit to my teammates, (backups) Mike Kafka, Kevin Kolb, guys who just helped me get through this season,” Vick said. “I can’t do it without my team, I can’t do it without my teammates, I can’t do it without the offensive line, (wide receivers) DeSean (Jackson) and Jeremy (Maclin), can’t do it without them. I’m just thankful to have these guys in my life, these coaches in my life.” Sound like he’s learned his lesson? Redemption!!! Preferably with a Super Bowl win this year… but we’ll see.

Panda Update – I just wanted to share these pictures with everybody… because I’m a nerd. A researcher dressed in a panda costume puts a panda cub into a box before its physical examination at the Hetaoping Research and Conservation Center for the Giant Panda in Wolong National Nature Reserve, Sichuan province last week. The 4-month old cub, the first in the centre to be trained for reintroduction into the wild, is monitored by hidden cameras. Researchers performing physical examinations on the cub wear panda costumes to ensure that the cub's environment is devoid of human influence, according to local media. So yeah, here you go… I won't even start on how creepy that all is & how it's probably not doing much with regards to preparing them for the wild but... in the meantime, enjoy!!!

Other than that, I don’t have a whole lot to share in regards to world news. You know me, I’m simple. I guess… I’d better think about interview question responses or something… but this ain’t my first rodeo so as long as I don’t start the interview by putting them on “fake hold” and singing “The Boy from Ipanema” because I think it’s Bubbles on the phone, then I should be okay. Sigh… f**k me that was a bad day… but at least I can laugh about it now. I wonder if the interviewer feels the same way about that day. Probably not. She probably just wrote me off as a moron… and I can understand that response. First impressions are key, ladies & gentlemen. Then again… there is a football game on tonight too. Decisions, decisions. Well, on that note, I’ll bid you all adieu… have a great evening everybody!!! And if you don’t hear from me before then, a fantastic weekend as well…

On To The Next One...

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First & foremost, a very happy birthday to Lilie as she joins the prestigous Quarter Century Club. Congratulations!!! Secondly, well...yesterday was the big 700th post...and this one is even bigger. Why? Because I WAS OFFERED THE JOB IN LAKE TAHOE!!! Now, it's not official until the paperwork is signed (fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I ain't gonna get fooled again) and I haven't decided on a start date yet...but probably around Thanksgiving at the latest, I'll be a resident of Lake Tahoe in a new position (though eerily similar to my position in Denver). It's opening a new office for the company...and it's just going to be awesome. Obviously I aced the 2nd interview, new Boss Lady B checked three of my references including my current manager who all had nothing but flowery things to say...and do you remember A-Beer? From the Nuggets game & former coworker in Denver? Well, she used to work with my new Boss Lady B...and apparently she had great things to say about me...and allegedly A-Beer's not one to freely hand out praise, so that's really cool. Anyway, long story short, after the calls to my referrals, Boss Lady B called, offered me the job, we chatted a bit about the moving process & any suggestions...and basically we look forward to working together. Awesome, right? So yeah, the next few weeks are gonna be a little hectic trying to get everything squared away. Luckily I'm kinda prepared because I've been working at this for almost four months...but it's still just a bit of a surprise how fast it happened after the lengthy wait of nothingness. Also, can't wait until tax time. Three states of residence in the last calendar year. Awesome. So Dr Love is going to Cali...but just not Hollywood...yet. Any starlets interested need only take a vacation to Lake Tahoe and ask around. I'll be there. Anyway, here's some news...I'll talk to you when I know a little more...and I'm a little more clearheaded. I typed this stuff up first.

Robo Roadtripper - MIT researchers and designers are developing the Affective Intelligent Driving Agent (AIDA) - a new in-car personal robot that aims to change the way we interact with our car. AIDA communicates with the driver through a small robot embedded in the dashboard. "AIDA builds on our long experience in building sociable robots,” explains professor Cynthia Breazeal, director of the Personal Robots Group at the MIT Media Lab. “We are developing AIDA to read the driver's mood from facial expression and other cues and respond in a socially appropriate and informative way." AIDA communicates in a very immediate way: with the seamlessness of a smile or the blink of an eye. Over time, the project envisions that a kind of symbiotic relationship develops between the driver and AIDA, whereby both parties learn from each other and establish an affective bond. To identify the set of goals the driver would like to achieve, AIDA analyses the driver’s mobility patterns, keeping track of common routes and destinations. AIDA draws on an understanding of the city beyond what can be seen through the windshield, incorporating real-time event information and knowledge of environmental conditions, as well as commercial activity, tourist attractions, and residential areas. “When it merges knowledge about the city with an understanding of the driver’s priorities and needs, AIDA can make important inferences,” explains Assaf Biderman, associate director of the SENSEable City Lab. “Within a week AIDA will have figured out your home and work location. Soon afterwards the system will be able to direct you to your preferred grocery store, suggesting a route that avoids a street fair-induced traffic jam. On the way AIDA might recommend a stop to fill up your tank, upon noticing that you are getting low on gas. AIDA can also give you feedback on your driving, helping you achieve more energy efficiency and safer behavior.” So now you have a robot that can accompany you on road trips...or be a nagging pain in the arse. There had better be a few voice functions though. I get irritated with my GPS voice on my cell phone rather quickly...especially when she has no idea where I am. "I'm not in Sunnyvale, California. Why do you insist on giving me directions as such? I'm in Park City, b**ch!!!" Maybe it would help if it wasn't such a shrill monotonic voice. I'm thinking a sultry sexy female voice might work...especially if I'm an enterprising entrepreneur trying to sell something through directions (patent pending). "Turn left at the next light. I feel like Tex-Mex, let's go to Chili's." "What? You're a robot. You don't eat." "But aren't you hungry?" "No, not really." "Are you sure? Pleeeease, $teve. I'm soooo hoooooongry." "What are you doing to my zipper?" "Mmm, I want a beefy chimichanga." "STOP THAT! I'm trying to drive here. FINE!!! I'm pulling over into Chili's. I like their fajitas anyway. Damn you're persuasive." Maybe you could switch it up to a Johnny 5 voice...or you could be going on a road trip with Elvis. Who wouldn't want that? Anyway, great potential here for lonely individuals and people that get lost easily...but I wouldn't be surprised if a few of the early models got thrown out of moving cars. CRUNCH!!! "I TOLD YOU!!! I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING!!!" A mute button would be nice too.

Space Hotel - Where would be better to travel to with your robot navigator buddy than outer space? Please forget that it's like combining two of Kubrick's creepiest movies, "The Shining" & "2001:Space Odyssey" into one...but a company behind plans to open the first hotel in space says it is on target to accept its first paying guests in 2012 despite critics questioning the investment and time frame for the multi-billion dollar project. The Barcelona-based architects of The Galactic Suite Space Resort say it will cost 3 million euro ($4.4 million) for a three-night stay at the hotel, with this price including an eight-week training course on a tropical island (Haiti?). During their stay, guests would see the sun rise 15 times a day and travel around the world every 80 minutes (sounds awesome to me). They would wear Velcro suits so they can crawl around their pod rooms by sticking themselves to the walls like Spiderman (mmm, I'm thinking of an oddly stimulating honeymoon in space). Galactic Suite Ltd's CEO Xavier Claramunt, a former aerospace engineer, said the project will put his company Galactic Suite at the forefront of an infant industry with a huge future ahead of it, and forecast space travel will become common in the future. "It's very normal to think that your children, possibly within 15 years, could spend a weekend in space," he told Reuters Television. A nascent space tourism industry is beginning to take shape with construction underway in New Mexico of Spaceport America, the world's first facility built specifically for space-bound commercial customers and fee-paying passengers. British tycoon Richard Branson's space tours firm, Virgin Galactic, will use the facility to propel tourists into suborbital space at a cost of $200,000 a ride. Galactic Suite Ltd, set up in 2007, hopes to start its project with a single pod in orbit 450 km (280 miles) above the earth, traveling at 30,000 km per hour, with the capacity to hold four guests and two astronaut-pilots. It will take a day and a half to reach the pod - which Claramunt compared to a mountain retreat, with no staff to greet the traveler. "When the passengers arrive in the rocket, they will join it for 3 days, rocket and capsule. With this we create in the tourist a confidence that he hasn't been abandoned. After 3 days the passenger returns to the transport rocket and returns to earth." What could possibly go wrong? More than 200 people have expressed an interest in traveling to the space hotel and at least 43 people have already reserved. The numbers are similar for Virgin Galactic with 300 people already paid or signed up for the trip but unlike Branson, Galactic Suite say they will use Russian rockets to transport their guests into space from a spaceport to be built on an island in the Caribbean. But critics have questioned the project, saying the time frame is unreasonable and also where the money is coming from to finance the project. Claramunt said an anonymous billionaire space enthusiast (Darth Vader?) has granted $3 billion to finance the project. That sounds awesome. Not a million dollars a day awesome (hmm, maybe with the eight weeks on an island) but still, pretty damn cool. Just something to keep an eye on in the future. Also, are you afraid of flights into outer space? Well, there may be a more traditional alternative to get to your space hotel room in the near future as well.

Space Elevator - A laser-powered robot failed to complete its climb up a long cable dangling from a helicopter Wednesday in a $2 million competition to test the potential reality of the science fiction concept of space elevators. The highly technical contest brought teams from Missouri, Alaska and Seattle to Rogers Dry Lake in the Mojave Desert, most familiar to the public as a space shuttle landing site. The contest requires their machines to climb 2,953 feet (nearly 1 kilometer) up a cable slung beneath a helicopter hovering nearly a mile high. The Kansas City, Mo., Space Pirates team was first off the ground after hours of testing the cable system, refueling the helicopter and waiting to fire up the laser so it doesn't interfere with satellites. Its climber, a flat machine several feet square, initially failed to respond to laser power and was lowered, examined and sent back up. On the second try it began moving and then stopped. On the third try it began moving steadily, but then trouble developed as the laser could not stay locked on the machine. It failed to climb all the way up before the laser had to be shut off to protect satellites, said Ted Semons of the sponsoring Spaceward Foundation. The team was expected to try again Friday. Funded by a NASA program to explore bold technology, the contest is intended to encourage development of a theory that originated in the 1960s and was popularized by Arthur C. Clarke's 1979 novel "The Fountains of Paradise." Space elevators are envisioned as a way to reach space without the risk and expense of rockets. Instead, electrically powered vehicles would run up and down a cable anchored to a ground structure and extending thousands of miles up to a mass in geosynchronous orbit — the kind of orbit communications satellites are placed in to stay over a fixed spot on the Earth. Electricity would be supplied through a concept known as "power beaming," ground-based lasers pointing up to photo voltaic cells on the bottom of the climbing vehicle — something like an upside-down solar power system. The space elevator competition has not produced a winner in its previous three years, but has become increasingly difficult. Semons said the competing machines all use wheels to grip the cable. Two use modified inline-skate wheels and one uses steel wheels. The vehicles must climb at an average speed of 16.4 feet (5 meters) per second, or about 11 miles (18 kilometers) per hour, to qualify for the top prize. A lesser prize is available for vehicles that climb at 2 meters per second. The rules allow one team to collect all $2 million or for sums to be shared among all three teams depending on their achievements. Pretty cool huh? I know you like it when I talk nerdy to you.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. I'm super stoked about my new adventure...but I'll post with more information when more is known. Right now, I'm just trying to keep everything in perspective with my excitement. Thanks again to all of you for reading...and supporting me over the years. You guys rock!!! If you ever need a place to stay in Lake Tahoe, just let me know. Have a great day everybody!!!

Bounty Hunters Wanted

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I interviewed this morning...and it was awkward as all hell...but I did pretty good. I drove up to Park City and arrived a half-hour early (you never know when you drive up Parley's Canyon) and it was basically the Big Boss, HR director and the person I'm replacing interviewing me...but mostly the Big Boss because...well, he's the Big Boss. He asked me questions and was basically staring me down like a cowboy would...and I was sweating...but it had nothing to do with him & everything to do with I'm in this warm confined room with three people while wearing a full suit. I answer all the questions...and he tapdances around some of mine...primarily the pay, which is pretty important. "What're you looking for in regards to pay?" "Well, honestly I'm not looking to drive Parley's twice daily so it'd have to be something where I'd be able to live up here near the company. Now, I haven't checked apartments directly yet but I'm assuming it's in the range of $1200 a month give or take for a one or two-bedroom, am I right?" He looks at the floor a little bit, probably realizing that he won't be able to afford me, "Yeah, that's about right. Usually people shack up four to six people per apartment up here but...yeah, if you were looking for yourself then it'd be about that. No family up here?" "Closest would be in Salt Lake." I also mentioned that there were other opportunities that I was looking into in Lake Tahoe and others...but what it all boils down to is, he never really gave me an exact number claiming he'd have to officially offer the job (really?) but it seems like they're very interested...but only if I'll take the job for what somebody who already lives up there will take it for...which is pretty much what I make now. It'll be considered...but I just wasn't really feeling it. Especially during the drive back down Parley's afterwards. REALLY don't want to deal with that every day...even on a beautiful day like today. Anyway, more on my future later...and I may be going to the Zoo tomorrow with the niece & nephew...so I have that to look forward to...and Bubbles is visiting so maybe she'll have time to stop by & say howdy. In the meantime, here's the news...mostly to do with movies...

Predators Update - Filming on "Predators", Fox's reboot of its popular sci-fi alien hunter franchise, kicks off September 28th in Austin, Texas according to Production Weekly. The story involves a very intense group of people stranded on a Predator planet discovering unspeakable horrors - that are not always from outside their group. Alex Litvak and Michael Finch penned the script. Nimrod Antal ("Vacancy") directs with Robert Rodriguez ("Sin City" & "Desperado") producing. Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios are being used for the shoot. The film hits cinemas next July. So now we may finally have a Predator movie...in space. With Robert Rodriguez producing, it has to be good dirty campy fun. Can't wait.

Boondocks Sequel - Indie distributor Apparition continues its aggressive pickup strategy of late and has acquired the rights to the highly anticipated cult indie sequel "The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day" says the trades. Troy Duffy's followup to 1999's "The Boondock Saints" has Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flanery reprising their roles as the MacManus brothers who do battle against the Boston mob as they avenge the death of a beloved priest. Billy Connolly, Clifton Collins Jr. and Julie Benz co-star. It's set to hit theatres on October 30th and if you want to be the first on your block to check out the full R-rated preview (and you know you do), just click on the link. "Where you goin'? Nowheeeee!!!"

Lobo Movie - FINALLY!!! Guy Ritchie ("Sherlock Holmes," "Rocknrolla") is set to direct a live-action comic adaptation of "Lobo" for Warner Bros. Pictures reports Variety. In the comics, Lobo is a alien interstellar bounty hunter (not a Predator). The seven-foot tall (not a Predator), blue-skinned (not the Tick), indestructible and heavily muscled and heavily armed anti-hero (again, not a Predator) drives a pimped out motorcycle (see?), and lands on Earth in search of four fugitives who are bent on wreaking havoc. Lobo teams with a small town teenaged girl to stop the creatures. Don Payne wrote the most recent script draft, while Joel Silver, Akiva Goldsman and Andrew Rona will produce. Shooting kicks off early next year and is aiming for a PG-13 rating (see? Not Predator). Lobo was one of my favorites from DC Comics growing up as a kid...and I guess it'd be really hard to make his story into a movie...and that's probably why it hasn't happened until Guy Ritchie got a hold of it. Hopefully it'll be pretty cool...for being PG-13. I'm also curious to see "Sherlock Holmes" and if he's ever able to do the sequels to "Rocknrolla" since it pretty much tanked at the box office. All will be answered in time. For example, I never realized that Lobo & Predator were so similar until just now...but hey, if they can get a guest cameo by Dog & Boba Fett, then we may have a real movie here.

Vegas Update - So it really doesn't have a lot to do with Vegas per se...but it has it in the title as well as another V-word. Liam Neeson is attached to star in "The Virgin of Las Vegas" for Parallel Pictures says Variety. Exploring the Irish pop culture phenomenon of show bands, Neeson will play an aging show band singer, prone to drink and living in Vegas, who finds his life turned on its head following the arrival of a mysterious stranger. Show bands used to play cover songs in the early days of rock 'n' roll and amassed large followings across the country before dying out with the advent of TV. U2 frontman Bono and Alan Moloney will produce the $14 million project. That's it. Virgins & Vegas are merely background to Liam Neeson playing an aging Irish cover band leader. Unless the mysterious stranger is Elisabeth Shue, even I may have to pass.

That's about it for today. More as it transpires. Just in a real state of disarray and frustration right now...but maybe a little me time followed by a trip to the zoo with the young'uns will help me figure some things out. Seriously, what else am I gonna do this weekend? Every HR department in America has taken a four-day weekend by now. Balls. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Why Children Will Destroy the Future

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Today at work, I had a training class on Interviewing. Now as you know, I like interviewing...because it's about my favorite subject besides sex, ME!!! Don't worry, I didn't share my many wonderful and entertaining examples of how interviewing can go wrong...but it was a fun and helpful class nonetheless. Probably the only part that you might find entertaining was during the introduction, the speaker asked us to say our names, company background...and where we wanted to be in 5 years. Pretty open-ended question, right? Well, of course, I thought it'd be a good time to mention a small portion of my grand scheme. "Hello, my name is $teve, I'm a Taurus, I've been with the company for over nine years now...but in this position for three months. Actually had a few interviews scheduled over the next few weeks...and ugh, in five years, I'm hoping to grow and stay with the company for the benefits...but earn my millions independently by writing a series of children's books & romance novels...or being the new host of Jeopardy when Trebek retires...or opening a gentlemen's club in my basement...or selling a few movie scripts...or all of the above." Apparently I lacked focus...but kept my options opens. I'll be sure to keep you all posted on my progress.

So last night, I represented my company in that "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" competition with the corporate games here in Slick City. Here's the problem that came up: You must have a team of at least two people...and the people who were on my team bailed at the last minute...so it was just me. Okay, we'll go to see if they'll allow just me. No go. So about ten minutes before the competition starts, I'm calling coworkers to stop by just to sign up and waste an hour or so...though I'd keep them thoroughly entertained. I was able to convince Kimmie (from the Incubus concert) to stop by...but yeah, she was just there to observe and give me somebody to talk to while I answered the questions. Long story short, we (by which I mean I) finished 4th...but in my own perspective, I feel that I won...because I did better than the Salt Lake School District team...and they're supposed to be teaching the stuff. So take that!!!

Last night after the competition, I finally watched a show that I had heard about...but because it was in that FOX Friday night timeslot of death, I hadn't been able to see it until it came out on DVD. The series is called "Dollhouse" and it has all the ingredients to entice me. It stars superhottie Eliza Dushku ("Tru Calling", "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back") and is written / directed by Joss Whedon ("Buffy" & "Firefly") but I had no idea what it was about. Luckily, JL Clyde explained to me that it's about "Secret government agency that has a group of “dolls,” i.e. pretty boys and girls (mainly girls) who have no memories and are able to be programmed to do anything. They are hired out to do various tasks and what not, and then come “home” to the “dollhouse” where they are nearly mindless creatures who are looked after by scientists." My response: "You had me at pretty girls who have no memories." So yeah, that's what it's about...and three episodes into it, I really really like it. It's kind of like a mix of "Heroes" & "Tru Calling" but with Joss Whedon's touches...and let's face it, I could watch Eliza Dushku read the phone book all f**king day and night. Anyway, I'd recommend that you check it out based on the three episodes that I've seen...and probably a few that I'll watch tonight. Now for some news...

Goldmember - A Saudi businessman has purchased what is being described by the Canadian seller as the world's most expensive adult novelty item -- a solid 18-carat gold penis enlarger worth nearly $50,000. X4 Labs, a Canadian manufacturer of medical devices, received the unorthodox request and recruited a Montreal custom jeweler to help with its design and construction. "This male health accessory is the most expensive traction device ever produced and will likely become a historical benchmark for the adult novelty industry," the company said in a statement. Little is known about the buyer, except that he lives in Jeddah. His glitzy new penis enlarger, however, is being encrusted at his request with 40 diamonds and several rubies and is to be delivered by armored car in October, said Rick Oh, X4 Labs co-owner. Saudi law bans the import of adult sex toys, but the company insists its product is a US government certified medical device (there's loophole for everything). Such devices normally retail for less than $400 (or so I'm told) but according to Oh this custom order is expected to cost about $47,000. "It's an unusual request. We didn't take it seriously at first, but once he sent us a deposit, we had to agree to it. Obviously, there were giggles initially when we presented our project to a jeweler and asked him for help." But the seemingly lavish device was actually conceived for a practical purpose, Oh explained. "We were approached by the customer who insisted on a solid gold version of our product because he claimed to have a severe skin allergy to stainless steel." Later, the buyer asked to add diamonds and rubies to it...assumingly just because he could...and face it, you probably would too if you had that kind of cash. The company intends to now offer all customers custom designs for their male novelty devices, although it states it is "uncertain as to whether this will become a trend." Product coordinator Matt West said he "is convinced that there is a demographic that is willing to pay for lavish medical devices for their private areas... to pay good money to spoil themselves. There is something tremendously selfish about the male ego, and subsequently 50,000-dollar orders may become the norm for companies like X4 Labs," he said. Yeah, good luck canuck. Let me know how that goes...especially when I happen to know that you won't entertain certain orders involving panda fur. Endangered my ass!!! I'm saving the f**king species. I should at least get a little piece of the action.

How to Save the Planet - Since we were talking about sexual things (as happens so rarely on this blog), I thought I'd let you know about this ditty. For people who are looking for ways to reduce their "carbon footprint," here's one radical idea that could have a big long-term impact, some scientists say: Have fewer kids. A study by statisticians at Oregon State University (GO BEAVERS!!!) concluded that in the United States, the carbon legacy and greenhouse gas impact of an extra child is almost 20 times more important than some of the other environment-friendly practices people might employ during their entire lives - things like driving a high mileage car, recycling, or using energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs. Team member Paul Murtaugh explains, "In discussions about climate change, we tend to focus on the carbon emissions of an individual over his or her lifetime. Those are important issues and it's essential that they should be considered...but an added challenge facing us is continuing population growth and increasing global consumption of resources." Reproductive choices haven't gained as much attention in the consideration of human impact to the Earth, Murtaugh said. When an individual produces a child - and that child potentially produces more descendants in the future - the effect on the environment can be many times the impact produced by a person during their lifetime. Under current conditions in the United States, for instance, each child ultimately adds about 9,441 metric tons of carbon dioxide to the carbon legacy of an average parent - about 5.7 times the lifetime emissions for which, on average, a person is responsible. The impact doesn't only come through increased emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases - larger populations also generate more waste and tax water supplies.Other offbeat environmental impacts have been in the news recently:

One 2007 study found that divorce squanders resources, because people who once shared resources such as energy now use twice as much under two roofs.

The current obesity epidemic may also be hurting the climate, because food production is a major contributor to global warming.

The impact of having children differs between countries. While some developing nations have much higher populations and rates of population growth than the United States, their overall impact on the global carbon equation is often reduced by shorter life spans and less consumption. The long-term impact of a child born to a family in China is less than one-fifth the impact of a child born in the United States, the study found. However, as the developing world increases both its population and consumption levels, this equation may even out. "China and India right now are steadily increasing their carbon emissions and industrial development, and other developing nations may also continue to increase as they seek higher standards of living," Murtaugh said. The researchers note that they are not advocating government controls or intervention on population issues (yet...but we'll see when Al Gore gets a hold of this information), but say they simply want to make people aware of the environmental consequences of their reproductive choices (aka guilt you into not having children). "Many people are unaware of the power of exponential population growth," Murtaugh said. "Future growth amplifies the consequences of people's reproductive choices today, the same way that compound interest amplifies a bank balance." Murtaugh's findings are detailed in a 2009 issue of the journal Global Environmental Change. So there you go. Scientists trying to guilt you into keeping it in your pants...or practicing safe sex...perhaps using their products. Haven't had enough?

Kids Are Expensive - A middle-income family can expect to spend $291,570 including inflation to raise a child born in 2008 to adulthood, the government estimated on Tuesday, up slightly from the estimate made a year ago. That's roughly SIX solid gold penis enlargers (though I assume you'd get some kind of discount ordering six). The estimate covers food, shelter and other necessities for a child to age 18, said the annual report by the Agriculture Department. The figure does not include the cost of childbirth or college. Housing accounts for one-third of expenditures on children. Food accounts for 16%, the same as child care and education, said the Expenditures on Children by Families report. Last year, the USDA estimated it would cost $269,040 to raise a child born in 2007 to age 18, including inflation. The USDA has made the estimates since 1960, when the estimated cost was $25,300 (yeah, that's less than $1600 a year). That's probably why my mom was one of 17 kids, my dad was one of eight...and I was one of two. The department said it planned to have an updated "Cost of Raising a Child Calculator" on the Internet soon. Annual spending for child-rearing ranges from $11,610 to $13,480 for a middle-income, two-parent family, the USDA said. Families with lower incomes will spend less and families with higher incomes spend more (duuuuuh). Expenses are highest in cities in the U.S. Northeast, followed by urban areas of the West and Midwest. They are lowest in rural America and cities in the South. Okay, so those last few sentences were pretty pointless and pretty obvious...but yeah, just thought I'd share that information with you. Does this mean that I don't want kids? Hell no. I love kids. Especially those that I'm not personally responsible for (see Kairi & Vinny among others). I'm not even saying that you should be hesitant to have children if that's truly what you want...because from what I understand, there's nothing like it. It's pretty much the greatest thing that you can do...and it passes along your legacy. However, just be aware that it is an incredible burden financially and to your precious free time (directed at my brother's crack whore wife) and I just want to make sure that you're prepared for that. Also, if you'd rather not have kids but like the other side effects of coitus, please practice safe sex. Anyway, that's my public service announcement for the day. What better way to follow that...than with a WARNING!!!

Apocalypse Update - There were a couple of things wrong with Katie Prewitt's Geo Tracker. There was the rope that seemed to hang from the car's undercarriage...and then that hissing noise; maybe a faulty emissions valve. She took the car into her husband's Klamath Falls, Oregon body shop, but Dave Prewitt wasn't quite sure what to make of the problem, either. He called his friend Martin Schenck, who works across the street at Downtown Automotive, looking for a little help. That's when they saw it: A flash of movement inside the engine, a slithering sort of movement. "It didn't take too long to figure out that sticking our hands in any part wasn't a good idea," Schenck said, who's been working with automobiles for 28 years. The "rope," it turned out, was an angry 3-foot diamondback rattlesnake. How it got there or why is anybody's guess, but it probably snuggled up to the Tracker's warm V6 engine while Prewitt had the vehicle parked at her Pine Grove home. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service biologist Trisha Roninger said a rattlesnake seeking out such a habitat is unusual. "They're looking for warmth, usually for basking, so that's really bizarre, especially with as warm as it's been in the Klamath Basin," Roninger said. However odd, the snake was still there and Schenck was set on getting it out. He and Dave Prewitt tried squirting it with water as a crowd began to form around the commotion. No dice. Every time someone got close to the vehicle, the buzzing sound started. "It knew when you were getting close to the rig. We assumed it could see us through holes or something." Eventually, the snake's rattling tail slipped out over the right front tire. Schenck grabbed a shovel and another tool — some makeshift chopsticks — and pulled the snake out. He used the shovel to pin the rattler to the ground. The rattle continued buzzing while the snake hissed and snapped at the air. "It was very upset," Schenck said. Schenck decapitated the snake and the Prewitts took the rattle as a memento...and probably formed a belt from the hide. They weren't charged for the service in exchange. So you see, the Serpentine Revolution has crossed the Pacific and moved to the American Northwest. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Think I'm going to watch some more "Dollhouse" tonight and tomorrow, who knows? It's Friday. Have a great day everybody!!! Sex safely...and because I can...here are some more pictures of Eliza Dushku. Ahhh, the little girl from "True Lies" is all grown up now...

The internet's a wonderful & creepy place

I've often wondered if there's a picture of me naked on the internet

There we go! That's much better!!!

Interview Today

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I have an interview with the former employers later today…and I expect it to go very well. I think they're having a hard time finding somebody that I don't know personally and have yet to get drunk & partied with to conduct the interview…and that is a mighty feat in that area. Also, you know how I love to shine in interviews...and make an ass of myself...and pull great interviews out of my rear pocket on a moment's notice. I'll let you know how it goes. On that note, earlier this morning, I broke the news (though everybody already knew) about my plans for the coming weeks at our morning meeting…and I thanked them for the opportunity to work with them, learn about the industry and the city, and basically just being the best group of people that you could really hope to work with. They really are a wealth of personality, knowledge, caring, and just a great bunch of people and I'm going to sorely miss them…but I'm sure I'll get over it. Just kiddin', great group of people…and I'm sad to leave…but apparently there's another chapter about to unfold in the life of $teve, so I have to be ready for that. Hopefully it's a good, exciting read…with occasional nudity…and maybe a car chase or explosion or something. I guess I'm just hoping for some Action…in whatever connotation. Here's some news...

Slick City Madness - Here's some action craziness that I may be going back to. Police said a customer fired one or two shots into a Salt Lake City McDonald's after the driver of the car he was in was told the restaurant was not serving lunch yet. Police said the female driver of a white Dodge Intrepid pulled up to the drive-thru and ordered from the lunch menu early Sunday but was told only breakfast was available. Police said two men then got out of the car and one pulled a sawed-off shotgun from the trunk, shooting into the drive-thru window once or twice. The car then left the scene. No one was injured. Nice, even our fast food service jobs aren't safe anymore. Last week, a situation arose where police had an easy time catching a man suspected of driving under the influence. He was waiting for them in his car, where they said he was passed out in the driver's seat in the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant. According to police, another customer found the Houston man unconscious at the drive-thru around 3 a.m. Thursday. The other customer took the keys out of the ignition and called police, who arrested the man on suspicion of driving under the influence. Police said the man passed out because of a combination of alcohol and prescription drugs. Drunk driving? Drugs? Drivebys in the Drive-thru? Dang, Utah's changed a lot since I worked there. It's almost like…Vegas. Okay, maybe that's a little bold…but still. I'm glad that I'm learning to cook at home more. This fast food stuff is unhealthy…and apparently dangerous. Maybe I should just avoid driving all together...

Perfect Running Pace - Most regular runners can tell you when they reach that perfect equilibrium of speed and comfort. The legs are loose, the heart is pumping and it feels like you could run at this pace forever (wonder what that's like). Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison now have an explanation for this state of running nirvana, and we can thank our ancestors and some evolutionary biology for it. For years, it has been thought that humans have a constant metabolic energy rate. It was assumed that you would require the same total energy to run one mile, no matter if you ran it in 5 minutes or 10 minutes. Even though your energy burn rate would be higher at faster speeds, you would get there in half the time. Turns out, however, that each person has an optimal running pace that uses the least amount of oxygen to cover a given distance. The findings, by Karen Steudel, a zoology professor at Wisconsin, and Cara Wall-Scheffler of Seattle Pacific University, are detailed in latest online edition of the Journal of Human Evolution. Steudel's team tested both male and female runners at six different speeds on a treadmill while measuring their oxygen intake and carbon dioxide output. As expected, each runner had different levels of fitness and oxygen use but there were ideal speeds for each runner that required the least amount of energy. Overall, the optimal speeds for the group were about 8.3 mph (about a 7:13 minutes per mile) for males and 6.5 mph (9:08 min/mile) for females. The most interesting finding: At slower speeds, about 4.5 mph (13 min/mile), the metabolic efficiency was at its lowest. Steudel explains that at this speed, halfway between a walk and a jog, the runner's gait can be awkward and unnatural. "What that means is that there is an optimal speed that will get you there the cheapest," Steudel says. So, why is a zoology professor studying running efficiency? Steudel's previous work has tried to build a theory of why our early ancestors evolved from moving on four limbs to two limbs, also known as bipedalism. She has found that human walking is a more efficient method of getting from point A to point B than on all fours. It might also have been an advantage for hunting. This latest research could offer some more clues of how we moved on to running. Steudel explains, "This is a piece in the question of whether walking or running was more important in the evolution of the body form of the genus Homo." (What did you just call me?) So there you go. Maybe next time at the gym, instead of briskly walking along at 4.5 mph, you run it on up to 8.3 and get the better burn for your run…and maybe impress a few people along the way…and not just with the hypnotic bouncing. You'll know it's working by your steady heart rate…and the amount of guys who fall off their treadmills by "losing focus" on their workout.

Parisian Pole Vaulter - A French pole vaulting champion has run naked with his pole (poles?) through the streets of Paris and posted the video on the Internet, hoping to draw attention to his quest for a new sponsorship deal. Romain Mesnil, who won a silver medal at the 2007 Athletics World Championships in Osaka, used to be sponsored by U.S. sports brand Nike but says his contract expired last year and was not renewed. "It was probably for budgetary and strategic reasons. It's the crisis," he wrote on his website. Many athletes have reported difficulties obtaining corporate sponsorship as companies cut costs because of the global economic downturn. In his video, Mesnil runs with his pole as if preparing for a vault at tourist spots like Montmartre and the Pont des Arts across the River Seine. A black square has been added to the footage to cover his private parts (awww, I know, right?). The video has succeeded in drawing attention to Mesnil's plight, at least in France. It was broadcast on primetime state television news bulletins (God, I love French news, there's always a chance of nudity…and even if you have no idea what the newscaster is saying, she's speaking French). So if you have a few bucks to spare…and are looking for an Olympic caliber athlete to sponsor…then please, sponsor me…or maybe this guy. I mean…US basketball doesn't really need my help to win the Gold again…so I'm willing to sacrifice so that France doesn't have to lose everything all the time. I love an underdog. Good luck, Monsieur Mesnil.

Lingerie Update - Whether you're a g-string girl or prefer granny-style knickers, a Japanese lingerie maker is inviting women to liberate themselves from conventional, body-hugging underwear and don loincloths instead. Loincloths, called "fundoshi" in Japanese, were worn by adult men in the past, but they are now a rarity. Kyoto-based lingerie firm Wacoal, however, has brought them back into fashion, this time for women seeking "emancipation" from the tightness of conventional underwear. "We wanted young women to have a more sense of freedom and release. And as we tried to come up with the ultimate liberation item for women, we thought of a fundoshi," said Tomoka Okamura, merchandise director for Wacoal's Nanafun female loincloths. The loincloths for women come in seven different colors and two designs (plain and checkered). Prices are about 1,260 yen ($13). Wacoal has sold more than 5,000 since December, three times more than it had expected, officials said, and the company now plans to start selling them in Hong Kong, Taiwan and Singapore. "It's easy to wear and is quite nice. It's also good for summer. And since it's getting warmer, I figured it would be good for that," said Hiromi Iwamura, a 28-year-old shopper who was buying a patterned loincloth and matching bra. So there you go ladies. Like the feel and flow of air through boxers (or going commando)? I know I do. Well, here's one alternative…as opposed to going and getting boxers or something here in the states…but still, promoting the new angle. I'm all about that. "But $teve, what if my man likes me in a G-string and tight silky underwear?" If you're comfortable with it, I say go with it…but if not, then I'm pretty sure your man wouldn't mind you coming in with a loincloth on. Besides, it's not important how you look in your undergarments…as long as they keep your ankles warm. Oh…and if your man doesn't like it, come see Dr Love. He knows how to make you feel comfortable…and a little dirty all at the same time.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Stay tuned for updates on the future adventures of Dr Love and his band of merry men (who all live inside his head). I wanna take this time to say thank you to everybody out there who has been worried about me and concerned with my well-being during this whole job thing…and it's greatly appreciated…but please don't fret over me. I'll be fine. Great things are going to happen. I have absolute confidence in that. I just can't wait to see you all again…wherever I may call home in the next month or so. Have a great day everybody!!!