Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Today at work, I had a training class on Interviewing. Now as you know, I like interviewing...because it's about my favorite subject besides sex, ME!!! Don't worry, I didn't share my many wonderful and entertaining examples of how interviewing can go wrong...but it was a fun and helpful class nonetheless. Probably the only part that you might find entertaining was during the introduction, the speaker asked us to say our names, company background...and where we wanted to be in 5 years. Pretty open-ended question, right? Well, of course, I thought it'd be a good time to mention a small portion of my grand scheme. "Hello, my name is $teve, I'm a Taurus, I've been with the company for over nine years now...but in this position for three months. Actually had a few interviews scheduled over the next few weeks...and ugh, in five years, I'm hoping to grow and stay with the company for the benefits...but earn my millions independently by writing a series of children's books & romance novels...or being the new host of Jeopardy when Trebek retires...or opening a gentlemen's club in my basement...or selling a few movie scripts...or all of the above." Apparently I lacked focus...but kept my options opens. I'll be sure to keep you all posted on my progress.
So last night, I represented my company in that "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" competition with the corporate games here in Slick City. Here's the problem that came up: You must have a team of at least two people...and the people who were on my team bailed at the last minute...so it was just me. Okay, we'll go to see if they'll allow just me. No go. So about ten minutes before the competition starts, I'm calling coworkers to stop by just to sign up and waste an hour or so...though I'd keep them thoroughly entertained. I was able to convince Kimmie (from the Incubus concert) to stop by...but yeah, she was just there to observe and give me somebody to talk to while I answered the questions. Long story short, we (by which I mean I) finished 4th...but in my own perspective, I feel that I won...because I did better than the Salt Lake School District team...and they're supposed to be teaching the stuff. So take that!!!
Last night after the competition, I finally watched a show that I had heard about...but because it was in that FOX Friday night timeslot of death, I hadn't been able to see it until it came out on DVD. The series is called "Dollhouse" and it has all the ingredients to entice me. It stars superhottie Eliza Dushku ("Tru Calling", "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back") and is written / directed by Joss Whedon ("Buffy" & "Firefly") but I had no idea what it was about. Luckily, JL Clyde explained to me that it's about "Secret government agency that has a group of “dolls,” i.e. pretty boys and girls (mainly girls) who have no memories and are able to be programmed to do anything. They are hired out to do various tasks and what not, and then come “home” to the “dollhouse” where they are nearly mindless creatures who are looked after by scientists." My response: "You had me at pretty girls who have no memories." So yeah, that's what it's about...and three episodes into it, I really really like it. It's kind of like a mix of "Heroes" & "Tru Calling" but with Joss Whedon's touches...and let's face it, I could watch Eliza Dushku read the phone book all f**king day and night. Anyway, I'd recommend that you check it out based on the three episodes that I've seen...and probably a few that I'll watch tonight. Now for some news...
Goldmember - A Saudi businessman has purchased what is being described by the Canadian seller as the world's most expensive adult novelty item -- a solid 18-carat gold penis enlarger worth nearly $50,000. X4 Labs, a Canadian manufacturer of medical devices, received the unorthodox request and recruited a Montreal custom jeweler to help with its design and construction. "This male health accessory is the most expensive traction device ever produced and will likely become a historical benchmark for the adult novelty industry," the company said in a statement. Little is known about the buyer, except that he lives in Jeddah. His glitzy new penis enlarger, however, is being encrusted at his request with 40 diamonds and several rubies and is to be delivered by armored car in October, said Rick Oh, X4 Labs co-owner. Saudi law bans the import of adult sex toys, but the company insists its product is a US government certified medical device (there's loophole for everything). Such devices normally retail for less than $400 (or so I'm told) but according to Oh this custom order is expected to cost about $47,000. "It's an unusual request. We didn't take it seriously at first, but once he sent us a deposit, we had to agree to it. Obviously, there were giggles initially when we presented our project to a jeweler and asked him for help." But the seemingly lavish device was actually conceived for a practical purpose, Oh explained. "We were approached by the customer who insisted on a solid gold version of our product because he claimed to have a severe skin allergy to stainless steel." Later, the buyer asked to add diamonds and rubies to it...assumingly just because he could...and face it, you probably would too if you had that kind of cash. The company intends to now offer all customers custom designs for their male novelty devices, although it states it is "uncertain as to whether this will become a trend." Product coordinator Matt West said he "is convinced that there is a demographic that is willing to pay for lavish medical devices for their private areas... to pay good money to spoil themselves. There is something tremendously selfish about the male ego, and subsequently 50,000-dollar orders may become the norm for companies like X4 Labs," he said. Yeah, good luck canuck. Let me know how that goes...especially when I happen to know that you won't entertain certain orders involving panda fur. Endangered my ass!!! I'm saving the f**king species. I should at least get a little piece of the action.
How to Save the Planet - Since we were talking about sexual things (as happens so rarely on this blog), I thought I'd let you know about this ditty. For people who are looking for ways to reduce their "carbon footprint," here's one radical idea that could have a big long-term impact, some scientists say: Have fewer kids. A study by statisticians at Oregon State University (GO BEAVERS!!!) concluded that in the United States, the carbon legacy and greenhouse gas impact of an extra child is almost 20 times more important than some of the other environment-friendly practices people might employ during their entire lives - things like driving a high mileage car, recycling, or using energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs. Team member Paul Murtaugh explains, "In discussions about climate change, we tend to focus on the carbon emissions of an individual over his or her lifetime. Those are important issues and it's essential that they should be considered...but an added challenge facing us is continuing population growth and increasing global consumption of resources." Reproductive choices haven't gained as much attention in the consideration of human impact to the Earth, Murtaugh said. When an individual produces a child - and that child potentially produces more descendants in the future - the effect on the environment can be many times the impact produced by a person during their lifetime. Under current conditions in the United States, for instance, each child ultimately adds about 9,441 metric tons of carbon dioxide to the carbon legacy of an average parent - about 5.7 times the lifetime emissions for which, on average, a person is responsible. The impact doesn't only come through increased emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases - larger populations also generate more waste and tax water supplies.Other offbeat environmental impacts have been in the news recently:
Today at work, I had a training class on Interviewing. Now as you know, I like interviewing...because it's about my favorite subject besides sex, ME!!! Don't worry, I didn't share my many wonderful and entertaining examples of how interviewing can go wrong...but it was a fun and helpful class nonetheless. Probably the only part that you might find entertaining was during the introduction, the speaker asked us to say our names, company background...and where we wanted to be in 5 years. Pretty open-ended question, right? Well, of course, I thought it'd be a good time to mention a small portion of my grand scheme. "Hello, my name is $teve, I'm a Taurus, I've been with the company for over nine years now...but in this position for three months. Actually had a few interviews scheduled over the next few weeks...and ugh, in five years, I'm hoping to grow and stay with the company for the benefits...but earn my millions independently by writing a series of children's books & romance novels...or being the new host of Jeopardy when Trebek retires...or opening a gentlemen's club in my basement...or selling a few movie scripts...or all of the above." Apparently I lacked focus...but kept my options opens. I'll be sure to keep you all posted on my progress.
So last night, I represented my company in that "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" competition with the corporate games here in Slick City. Here's the problem that came up: You must have a team of at least two people...and the people who were on my team bailed at the last minute...so it was just me. Okay, we'll go to see if they'll allow just me. No go. So about ten minutes before the competition starts, I'm calling coworkers to stop by just to sign up and waste an hour or so...though I'd keep them thoroughly entertained. I was able to convince Kimmie (from the Incubus concert) to stop by...but yeah, she was just there to observe and give me somebody to talk to while I answered the questions. Long story short, we (by which I mean I) finished 4th...but in my own perspective, I feel that I won...because I did better than the Salt Lake School District team...and they're supposed to be teaching the stuff. So take that!!!
Last night after the competition, I finally watched a show that I had heard about...but because it was in that FOX Friday night timeslot of death, I hadn't been able to see it until it came out on DVD. The series is called "Dollhouse" and it has all the ingredients to entice me. It stars superhottie Eliza Dushku ("Tru Calling", "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back") and is written / directed by Joss Whedon ("Buffy" & "Firefly") but I had no idea what it was about. Luckily, JL Clyde explained to me that it's about "Secret government agency that has a group of “dolls,” i.e. pretty boys and girls (mainly girls) who have no memories and are able to be programmed to do anything. They are hired out to do various tasks and what not, and then come “home” to the “dollhouse” where they are nearly mindless creatures who are looked after by scientists." My response: "You had me at pretty girls who have no memories." So yeah, that's what it's about...and three episodes into it, I really really like it. It's kind of like a mix of "Heroes" & "Tru Calling" but with Joss Whedon's touches...and let's face it, I could watch Eliza Dushku read the phone book all f**king day and night. Anyway, I'd recommend that you check it out based on the three episodes that I've seen...and probably a few that I'll watch tonight. Now for some news...
Goldmember - A Saudi businessman has purchased what is being described by the Canadian seller as the world's most expensive adult novelty item -- a solid 18-carat gold penis enlarger worth nearly $50,000. X4 Labs, a Canadian manufacturer of medical devices, received the unorthodox request and recruited a Montreal custom jeweler to help with its design and construction. "This male health accessory is the most expensive traction device ever produced and will likely become a historical benchmark for the adult novelty industry," the company said in a statement. Little is known about the buyer, except that he lives in Jeddah. His glitzy new penis enlarger, however, is being encrusted at his request with 40 diamonds and several rubies and is to be delivered by armored car in October, said Rick Oh, X4 Labs co-owner. Saudi law bans the import of adult sex toys, but the company insists its product is a US government certified medical device (there's loophole for everything). Such devices normally retail for less than $400 (or so I'm told) but according to Oh this custom order is expected to cost about $47,000. "It's an unusual request. We didn't take it seriously at first, but once he sent us a deposit, we had to agree to it. Obviously, there were giggles initially when we presented our project to a jeweler and asked him for help." But the seemingly lavish device was actually conceived for a practical purpose, Oh explained. "We were approached by the customer who insisted on a solid gold version of our product because he claimed to have a severe skin allergy to stainless steel." Later, the buyer asked to add diamonds and rubies to it...assumingly just because he could...and face it, you probably would too if you had that kind of cash. The company intends to now offer all customers custom designs for their male novelty devices, although it states it is "uncertain as to whether this will become a trend." Product coordinator Matt West said he "is convinced that there is a demographic that is willing to pay for lavish medical devices for their private areas... to pay good money to spoil themselves. There is something tremendously selfish about the male ego, and subsequently 50,000-dollar orders may become the norm for companies like X4 Labs," he said. Yeah, good luck canuck. Let me know how that goes...especially when I happen to know that you won't entertain certain orders involving panda fur. Endangered my ass!!! I'm saving the f**king species. I should at least get a little piece of the action.
How to Save the Planet - Since we were talking about sexual things (as happens so rarely on this blog), I thought I'd let you know about this ditty. For people who are looking for ways to reduce their "carbon footprint," here's one radical idea that could have a big long-term impact, some scientists say: Have fewer kids. A study by statisticians at Oregon State University (GO BEAVERS!!!) concluded that in the United States, the carbon legacy and greenhouse gas impact of an extra child is almost 20 times more important than some of the other environment-friendly practices people might employ during their entire lives - things like driving a high mileage car, recycling, or using energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs. Team member Paul Murtaugh explains, "In discussions about climate change, we tend to focus on the carbon emissions of an individual over his or her lifetime. Those are important issues and it's essential that they should be considered...but an added challenge facing us is continuing population growth and increasing global consumption of resources." Reproductive choices haven't gained as much attention in the consideration of human impact to the Earth, Murtaugh said. When an individual produces a child - and that child potentially produces more descendants in the future - the effect on the environment can be many times the impact produced by a person during their lifetime. Under current conditions in the United States, for instance, each child ultimately adds about 9,441 metric tons of carbon dioxide to the carbon legacy of an average parent - about 5.7 times the lifetime emissions for which, on average, a person is responsible. The impact doesn't only come through increased emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases - larger populations also generate more waste and tax water supplies.Other offbeat environmental impacts have been in the news recently:One 2007 study found that divorce squanders resources, because people who once shared resources such as energy now use twice as much under two roofs.
The current obesity epidemic may also be hurting the climate, because food production is a major contributor to global warming.
The impact of having children differs between countries. While some developing nations have much higher populations and rates of population growth than the United States, their overall impact on the global carbon equation is often reduced by shorter life spans and less consumption. The long-term impact of a child born to a family in China is less than one-fifth the impact of a child born in the United States, the study found. However, as the developing world increases both its population and consumption levels, this equation may even out. "China and India right now are steadily increasing their carbon emissions and industrial development, and other developing nations may also continue to increase as they seek higher standards of living," Murtaugh said. The researchers note that they are not advocating government controls or intervention on population issues (yet...but we'll see when Al Gore gets a hold of this information), but say they simply want to make people aware of the environmental consequences of their reproductive choices (aka guilt you into not having children). "Many people are unaware of the power of exponential population growth," Murtaugh said. "Future growth amplifies the consequences of people's reproductive choices today, the same way that compound interest amplifies a bank balance." Murtaugh's findings are detailed in a 2009 issue of the journal Global Environmental Change. So there you go. Scientists trying to guilt you into keeping it in your pants...or practicing safe sex...perhaps using their products. Haven't had enough?
Kids Are Expensive - A middle-income family can expect to spend $291,570 including inflation to raise a child born in 2008 to adulthood, the government estimated on Tuesday, up slightly from the estimate made a year ago. That's roughly SIX solid gold penis enlargers (though I assume you'd get some kind of discount ordering six). The estimate covers food, shelter and other necessities for a child to age 18, said the annual report by the Agriculture Department. The figure does not include the cost of childbirth or college. Housing accounts for one-third of expenditures on children. Food accounts for 16%, the same as child care and education, said the Expenditures on Children by Families report. Last year, the USDA estimated it would cost $269,040 to raise a child born in 2007 to age 18, including inflation. The USDA has made the estimates since 1960, when the estimated cost was $25,300 (yeah, that's less than $1600 a year). That's probably why my mom was one of 17 kids, my dad was one of eight...and I was one of two. The department said it planned to have an updated "Cost of Raising a Child Calculator" on the Internet soon. Annual spending for child-rearing ranges from $11,610 to $13,480 for a middle-income, two-parent family, the USDA said. Families with lower incomes will spend less and families with higher incomes spend more (duuuuuh). Expenses are highest in cities in the U.S. Northeast, followed by urban areas of the West and Midwest. They are lowest in rural America and cities in the South. Okay, so those last few sentences were pretty pointless and pretty obvious...but yeah, just thought I'd share that information with you. Does this mean that I don't want kids? Hell no. I love kids. Especially those that I'm not personally responsible for (see Kairi & Vinny among others). I'm not even saying that you should be hesitant to have children if that's truly what you want...because from what I understand, there's nothing like it. It's pretty much the greatest thing that you can do...and it passes along your legacy. However, just be aware that it is an incredible burden financially and to your precious free time (directed at my brother's crack whore wife) and I just want to make sure that you're prepared for that. Also, if you'd rather not have kids but like the other side effects of coitus, please practice safe sex. Anyway, that's my public service announcement for the day. What better way to follow that...than with a WARNING!!!
Apocalypse Update - There were a couple of things wrong with Katie Prewitt's Geo Tracker. There was the rope that seemed to hang from the car's undercarriage...and then that hissing noise; maybe a faulty emissions valve. She took the car into her husband's Klamath Falls, Oregon body shop, but Dave Prewitt wasn't quite sure what to make of the problem, either. He called his friend Martin Schenck, who works across the street at Downtown Automotive, looking for a little help. That's when they saw it: A flash of movement inside the engine, a slithering sort of movement. "It didn't take too long to figure out that sticking our hands in any part wasn't a good idea," Schenck said, who's been working with automobiles for 28 years. The "rope," it turned out, was an angry 3-foot diamondback rattlesnake. How it got there or why is anybody's guess, but it probably snuggled up to the Tracker's warm V6 engine while Prewitt had the vehicle parked at her Pine Grove home. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service biologist Trisha Roninger said a rattlesnake seeking out such a habitat is unusual. "They're looking for warmth, usually for basking, so that's really bizarre, especially with as warm as it's been in the Klamath Basin," Roninger said. However odd, the snake was still there and Schenck was set on getting it out. He and Dave Prewitt tried squirting it with water as a crowd began to form around the commotion. No dice. Every time someone got close to the vehicle, the buzzing sound started. "It knew when you were getting close to the rig. We assumed it could see us through holes or something." Eventually, the snake's rattling tail slipped out over the right front tire. Schenck grabbed a shovel and another tool — some makeshift chopsticks — and pulled the snake out. He used the shovel to pin the rattler to the ground. The rattle continued buzzing while the snake hissed and snapped at the air. "It was very upset," Schenck said. Schenck decapitated the snake and the Prewitts took the rattle as a memento...and probably formed a belt from the hide. They weren't charged for the service in exchange. So you see, the Serpentine Revolution has crossed the Pacific and moved to the American Northwest. Be afraid. Be very afraid.Anyway, that'll do it for today. Think I'm going to watch some more "Dollhouse" tonight and tomorrow, who knows? It's Friday. Have a great day everybody!!! Sex safely...and because I can...here are some more pictures of Eliza Dushku. Ahhh, the little girl from "True Lies" is all grown up now...
The internet's a wonderful & creepy place
I've often wondered if there's a picture of me naked on the internet
There we go! That's much better!!!
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