Temptation Nation

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sometimes it's amazing how little is going on with me personally...yet I still seem to feel so busy. Nothing really entertaining or even mildly humorous the past few days...but hey, I'll keep you posted if anything changes. In the meantime, here's some news...

King of Ireland - The annual crowning of a goat as king of Ireland at one of the country's oldest fairs is in doubt after organizers said the heir to the throne may be stopped from traveling to the festival. Traditionally a male goat is caught in the mountains of Kerry in southern Ireland and paraded through the town of Killorglin where he reigns for the three days of Puck Fair, a centuries-old festival of drinking, music and dancing...and then hopefully some pucking. Locals may have to desperately trek the nearby hills after this year's chosen animal from the Northern Ireland town of Ballycastle could only get a four-day license for the trip south of the border. "It takes at least a day to bring a goat from Ballycastle to Killorglan and the goat is on the stand for three days. It's not possible to do that within the four days," Puck Fair chairman Declan Mangan told state radio station RTE in a possibly slurred manner. "The people in Ballycastle are looking for another goat who would be able to come for an extended trip to Kerry. In the meantime we have to look around the mountains here just incase." Mangan said time is already running out for the local goat catcher to find a replacement for the fair which always falls on August 10-12, despite having origins that are not totally known (like most Irish tales it probably starts with "One night, the townspeople were all piss-face drunk..."). "Our problem is if we don't get a goat from the north pretty quick, our goat catch Frank Joy will have to go out onto the mountains and usually he is out for two or three weeks looking for a suitable goat," Mangan said. However the panic could be good news for one lucky goat. "If you are a goat here in the mountains of Kerry, you could well end up being the King Of Ireland for the three days of Puck." Now, for those of you reading this and thinking "What a bunch of drunks! They're making a farm animal the honorary King of the Emerald Isle!" then please, join us this February 2nd when we Americans look to a rodent in a small Pennsylvania town to see whether he will use his omnipotent powers over the weather patterns to determine whether our winter season will last another six weeks. To be honest, I think this Puxatony Phil bastard is the real reason for Global Warming. He must be stopped.

Temptation: Not Just A Way of Life - If you think you're generally good at resisting temptation (like I do), you're probably wrong, scientists now say. "People are not good at anticipating the power of their urges, and those who are the most confident about their self-control are the most likely to give into temptation," said Loran Nordgren, senior lecturer of management and organizations at the Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University, in Illinois. The result: Many of us unwittingly expose ourselves to tempting chocolate or cigarettes, leading to a greater likelihood of indulging in addictive behaviors. Nordgren reached the conclusion through a series of small, offbeat experiments done primarily with college students (that's your first mistake). The results may hold for the broader population, but that has not been studied. In one experiment, more than twice as many smokers who thought they could resist temptation lit up a cigarette in a no-smoking test as those who realized they didn't have so much control. Those who puff out their chests in the face of temptation have a deflated view of others. "They also demonize others," Nordgren told LiveScience. "They take a very dim view of other people who act impulsively, because they have this belief that they themselves wouldn't act this way." The bottom line, Nordgren says: Avoid situations where such weaknesses thrive, and remember you're not that invincible. The new study, which will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal Psychological Science, builds on past research showing that when not in the "heat of the moment," individuals have a hard time understanding the depths of their cravings. "If you aren't feeling a cigarette craving or hunger or sexual arousal at this moment, I believe you have a real difficult time appreciating the transformative force of those experiences," Nordgren said. And most of the time, we aren't gripped by impulse, he added. To figure out how this so-called cold state (opposite of the "gripped by impulse" state) influences behavior, Nordgren ran experiments on:

Hunger pangs: Seventy-nine university students and employees rated a list of snacks from least to most favorite and then selected one. Participants were told, "You can eat the snack anytime you like. However, if you return the snack to this location in one week, we will give you four Euros (and you will get to keep the snack you chose)." Questions also measured participants' level of hunger. Satiated participants exposed themselves to more temptation, generally choosing their first or second favorite snack, while the hungry individuals selected their second or third favorite item. Those with full bellies were also less likely to bring back an uneaten snack (ugh...probably because they ate it, thus their bellies are full), Nordgren said.

Cigarette cravings: Fifty-three university students who smoked were placed into a high- or low-control group, in which a bogus test suggested each had either a high or low capacity for impulse control. Then, the participants had to watch a film called "Coffee and Cigarettes" without smoking. Participants chose their level of temptation with corresponding levels of payoff. They could either keep the unlit cigarette in another room (lowest), on their desk, in their hand, or in their mouth (highest). On average, low-control students chose to watch the film with the cigarette on the table, and those who thought they could easily resist temptation chose to keep the cigarette in their hand. About 33 percent of the high-control students caved and smoked during the film, while just over 11 percent of the low-control participants lit up.

Mental fatigue: An experiment of 74 college students revealed those who were drained mentally reported having less control of mental fatigue than their bright-eyed counterparts. The "sleepy" students also said they intended to leave about 53% of their studying to the last minute, compared with about 60% for the non-fatigued group. The thinking is that the alert students couldn't appreciate the enormous drawbacks of having a drained brain and so chose to leave more studying to the last minute. The study has implications for all corners of our personal lives, Nordgren figures. For instance, can a recovering alcoholic attend booze-saturated parties and stay sober? Can a dieter frequent his favorite dessert buffets and refrain from binging? Can a committed husband have drinks with a past fling without fear of infidelity? "The answer is probably no. People have less self-restraint than they think, a false belief that often leads people to expose themselves to more temptation than they can handle." In addition, he added, the study results suggest people often can't predict how they will react in a given situation. "It's not just about eating and addiction, but the 'cold self' has a really hard time understanding what you're capable of in a moment of despair, in a moment of rage (or Passion)." So there you go. Perhaps you're not the master of your own destiny that you think you are...because you're not in the thick of it. Don't worry, it applies to me too. Perhaps if I were thrown into a grotto full of beautiful nymphomaniacs with a thing for tall handsome nerds, I wouldn't be the beacon of self control that I pride myself on being. Well, there's only one way to find out. Mr Nordgren, let me know when you need me for that experiment. I'll bring my bathing suit. In the meantime, here's more news that has absolutely nothing to do with Temptation.

Megan Fox Day? Really? - So...apparently while I was hanging with the Wingmans and too busy to check my local newspaper (do they still print those?), there was some kind of boycott on Megan Fox on blogs for the day of August 4th because...well, I guess some people wanted to celebrate her by ignoring her...or some people were sick of hearing about her (but certainly not looking at her) or depending on the website that mentions her (ironically in trying to ignore her) the reason differs...but yeah, that was yesterday...and today is not yesterday...so I'm allowed to mention her. So for an update, she's still super hot. She's apparently filming "Jonah Hex" with the likes of Josh Brolin and John Malkovich. She's still technically single...but has the ability to be with just about anybody living or dead if she so desires. Admit it. You'd f**k her. It's okay. Everybody knows already. Hell, my grandma would f**k her. Your pet turtle would. The scent of lilacs would. To resist her is futile. She is the Borg of sexual appeal. I forget what my point was...so here's some more pictures...

Indecent in Sudan - Police used teargas to disperse protesters rallying in support of a Sudanese woman facing 40 lashes for wearing trousers (yeah, like pants trousers) in public Tuesday, a case that has become a public test of Sudan's indecency laws. Lubna Hussein, a former journalist and U.N. press officer, was arrested with 12 other women during a party at a Khartoum restaurant in July and charged with being indecently dressed. Women's groups have complained that the law gives no clear definition of indecent dress, leaving the decision of whether to arrest a woman up to individual police officers. Dozens of men and ululating (good verb meaning to howl, hoot or lament loudly and shrilly) women gathered outside a Khartoum court room where Hussein appeared Tuesday, carrying banners with the message "No return to the dark ages" and "Lubna's case is a case for all Sudanese women." Speaking after the hearing, Hussein said the judge had adjourned her case until September 7th. "They want to check with the U.N. whether I have immunity from prosecution. I don't know why they are doing this because I have already resigned from the United Nations. I think they just want to delay the case," she told Reuters. Hussein said she resigned from her U.N. job last week to give up any legal immunity so that she could pursue the case to prove her innocence and challenge the decency law. Journalists were allowed into the downtown court building, but a line of police prevented them from entering the room where the case was heard. Hussein went on to greet her supporters, gathered on a traffic island, then led them on a march, blocking a busy road (which is a far worse public nuisance than wearing trousers but whatever). In a rare and short unauthorized rally, they flashed V-for- Victory signs and received supportive hoots from passing cars ("TAKE IT OFF!!!"). Armed riot police advanced toward the crowd, beating their shields with batons. Officers later fired teargas canisters into the air, forcing the crowd to disperse. "We are against this law. It is against women, against Islam (not so sure about that) and against human rights," said Zainab Badradin, one of the women in the crowd. 20-year old Nusayba Abdel Mahmoud wore jeans to the rally and said, "I want to send a message to the government to stop harassing women. This is what I wear. It is normal." Indecency cases are not uncommon in Sudan, where there is a large cultural gap between the mostly Muslim and Arab-oriented north and the mainly Christian south. Hussein has attracted attention by publicizing her case, posing for photos in her loose green trousers ("Now show me fierce. Show me fierce. You're a tigress.") and inviting journalists to campaign against dress codes sporadically imposed in the capital. "Her main argument is that her clothes are decent and that she did not break the law," defense lawyer Nabil Adib Abdalla told Reuters shortly before the hearing. "Failing that, we will ask for a stay of the proceedings to challenge the trial in the constitutional court ... We are saying the law is so widely drafted that it contravenes her basic right, her right to a fair trial." Hussein told reporters 10 of the women arrested with her pleaded guilty and were whipped (forty times) the day afterwards. U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon last week said he was "deeply concerned" by the case. As am I. Miss Hussein, I support your cause. Women (and men for that matter) should be allowed to wear whatever the hell they want (if anything at all) regardless of age, weight, race, religion, language, creed, fashion sense, ability to recognize color, or anything else of that nature. Well, except maybe having to wear something so as not to spread disease by sitting bare-ass at a restaurant or something...but yeah, other than that, go nuts. Believe me, I am a bit of an authority on decency in my country. That is why I'm calling for a grass roots movement here in the States. Ladies, wear whatever the hell you want...and show your support for your right to do so (I think it's part of the First Amendment). If you want to wear a muumuu to Wal-Mart, do it. Green socks with orange shoes, go for it you rebel. Going Lady Godiva on your moped, please remember to wear a helmet and the rest of the road burn is up to your discretion...but be sure to take pictures and send them here so that I can forward them to Miss Hussein to show that the United States supports her rights. I can't emphasize the pictures enough...because as the cliché goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words (and several thousand dollars if you know how to sell it properly)." Kudos Miss Hussein!!! These pictures are for you...

(Es)Sex Taxi - Leave it to Vermont to be on the cutting edge of meeting transportation needs in these times of economic...we'll say clusterf**k. When Eric Hagen started Recession Ride Taxi in Essex, Vermont, he took more questions than fares. Everyone wanted to know if the sign reading "Pay What You Want!" on the back of his taxi was for real. It is, and Hagen says he hasn't been shortchanged yet. He offers pay-what-you-can bottles of water, Gatorade and soda and a free ride after six paid fares. He tells the Burlington Free Press that business has been good. Most of his transactions are in cash...but he's also received a CD from a musician and a $10 supermarket card. Hagen has been offering his taxi service Thursday through Sunday nights since June. When he's not a taxi driver, the 46-year-old Hagen works full time for the American Red Cross. Great idea. I like it a lot. It promotes fair pricing and having a designated driver...which is something I'm all for. "So...I pay what I think the ride was worth?" "That's right, Neil Patrick Harris.." "Ugh...okay, how about I give you five?" "Five bucks would be great." "No, I mean...you know, high five?" "What?" "Put your hand up like this." "Okay?" SLAP!!! "Thanks playa!!! Sorry about the love stains on the seat."

Strip Club in Basement - This one gets last mention because it's a great summation of all the Temptations - Sex, Alcohol, Drugs, Convenience, Strip Clubs, Illegality, and worst of all...Minors. Police investigating a noise complaint in arrested a 28-year-old woman they said was operating an illegal strip club in her basement and garage. Gwinnett County officers said they also found a sign at the home reading "1 Dollar Jello Shots" and minors drinking alcohol when they investigated on July 18th. The woman faces a misdemeanor charge of maintaining a disorderly house and remains free on $1,300 bond. Another woman who lives with the suspect said the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. She said friends threw the suspect a party to celebrate her birthday and newly renovated home. She said that there were no strippers or underage drinking. Police also arrested a 20-year-old guest whom they said lied about his age and was found carrying marijuana in his mouth (perhaps in fatty form). He has been released on $3,900 bond (How many kilos can you get with that $3900?). That's not a bad idea if you ask me. I'm sure in Georgia the fines are substantially less than if I were to do the same thing here in Utah (because we're prudes and haven't heard about the whole separation of church & state thing yet) but think about it...you can make a few hundred, possibly thousands of dollars a night running your own strip club in your basement and/or garage...and you only face a fine of about $1300 (maybe a slow week's worth). Plus you're not bothered with all that rigmarole about building permits, business licenses, property taxes, health insurance, employee benefits, profit sharing, and any of those other BS expenses that come up when you try to start your own business. I'm thinking underground (literally) strip clubs are the way to go. Just to be clear, I'm not condoning doing anything illegal...because I believe the laws are there for a reason (and that reason is usually to screw me out of my cash) but a Wiseman once said, "It's better to ask forgiveness than permission."

Anyway, I'll leave you all with that image of me, as the sleazy guy out to make a quick buck while simultaneously giving in to my Temptations (and not just the Greatest Hits album from the Motown artists). Join us next time when I ramble about things in the news and pull whimsical situations out of my keester and ululate (my new favorite word) to the masses via the interweb. Wish me luck with the "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" competition tonight. I'll explain tomorrow. Have a great day everybody!!! FREE QUEBEC!!!