Friday, August 28, 2009

This May Be My Masterpiece

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Wednesday night was FREE Movie Night at Brewvie's presented by City Weekly...and it was "The Jerk" starring Steve Martin. Classic. If you haven't seen it, for shame. It's on the realm of classic comedies like Fletch, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack and Airplane! Haven't seen any of those (Lilie?) then rent 'em. You won't be disappointed. JL Clyde & I enjoyed this classic...and some burgers & fries & beer. Yay beer! After that, I got word that my Wingman was going to be in town (lots of drama with the ex-wife) so we hung out after work on Thursday. As for the job applications that I made a big deal about the other day, apparently the company's HR departments don't share my zeal...so I showed up early to fill them out...and nothing's posted...but it's okay because somebody stole my identity in the Northeastern United States, so I used that time to call my credit card company and get things taken care of. We'll see how it goes.

Last night after work, the Wingman and I went to see "Inglorious Basterds" starring Brad Pitt in director Quentin Tarantino's latest flick. I know what you're thinking. "$teve, why would you do that? You were supposed to see that with your dad on Sunday." True. However, here's why I did it. One, it's a Tarantino movie...and that being said, I'll probably watch it repeatedly for years to come...so twice in theatres isn't bad. I mean...I watched "Star Trek" & "Harry Potter & the Who-Gives-A-Crap" twice in theatres over the past few years. Two, Mrs Wingman is NEVER going to watch this movie with Mr Wingman (especially after the three of us went to "Grindhouse" last year) so I felt obligated to be his movie buddy and support him in the viewing of this movie. Otherwise it may never come to pass. Three, it'd be good to see if it's a movie that my dad would like. For example, there's a lot of subtitle reading in this movie...and my dad's not the best at that (whether it's reading, vision or what I don't know...but he has a hard time with these things) and it's pretty bloody...and my dad likes action flicks...but not horror flicks anymore...and it's primarily because it's unnecessarily gory & that's one of the reasons he's no longer a cop. He also has a small bladder and it takes him 45 minutes to number two...so for a 153 minute flick like this, he might appreciate just waiting for the DVD so that we can pause it and he won't miss important subtitles. So that's why I went to watch it. I hope that I explained myself thoroughly.

Now for the actual movie. It has the usual Tarantino brilliance. Lots of homages to other flicks throughout the history of cinema, lots of humor that...most people typically don't get...or maybe I'm one of the few that find them funny, lots of toying with movie clichés, lots of gore, lots of great music, lots of great storytelling basically. The story is set in Nazi-occupied France during WWII. There's a band of Jewish-American soldiers who are on a mission to put fear into the Nazis by killing as many as possible in a particularly glorified & brutal way. They are led by Lt. Aldo Rain (Pitt) and make their way to Paris...where they conspire with a German actress (Diane Kruger) and a British agent to take out a veritable cache of German officers & figureheads in one move...at a movie premiere...but nothing goes exactly as its planned. Trust me, if you like good movies, then you'll probably like this...but I warn you, as in the previous paragraph, if you're not a big fan of subtitles, lots of dialogue (though usually pretty clever) and almost an obscene amount of movie gore, then this may not be the movie for you. However, if you're a huge fan of war movies like "The Dirty Dozen" or even just any kind of movie where it's the bad good guys against Nazis (ala Indiana Jones) then you'll probably love this flick. I did. As you might have expected...and I really want the poster that says "Brad Pitt is a Basterd" because...damn it, it's true. Here's some news...

There's Always A Loophole - Fellow smut peddlers rejoice! Retailers who sell children violent or pornographic videos will be immune from prosecution for the next three months after the discovery of a government blunder 25 years ago. Britain should have notified the European Commission of the existence of the Video Recordings Act 1984 (VRA) -- which regulated the industry -- but failed to do so. "Unfortunately, the discovery of this omission means that, a quarter of a century later, the VRA is no longer enforceable against individuals in United Kingdom courts," said Barbara Follett, Minister for Culture and Tourism (the agency that deals with smut apparently). Follett said people currently being prosecuted under the act would not be convicted until a new act can take legal effect in three months, the period required for consultation with other EU member states. In the interim, people will be able to sell pornographic and violent videos to children under the age of 18 without fear of prosecution. However anyone previously convicted for offences under the act will not be able to appeal their case. The British Video Association said distributors would continue to submit their works to the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) and asked its members to comply with the provisions on a voluntary basis (yeah, good luck with that). Britain's Entertainment Retailers Association, which represents more than 90% of the UK video market, said "This is extraordinary. For 25 years retailers have been faithfully administering the system and now this happens." So...if you're an underage pervert (which you all are, just admit it) and want to score some fantastic high quality high class English porn, then now is the time to go online and order it. Perhaps there's something from a young struggling actress by the name of Keira Knightley...or the chick from the Orbitz Gum commercials. You don't know. There's only one way to find out. I like to see when a government agency's f**kup on paperwork actually works in my favor. God bless...well, Britain.

Drunk Driver Disposal - Here's the thing. As you know, I'm basically a pervert with strong self-control. As noted in the previous news clip, I'm down for perverts as long as they're not hurting anybody or creeping them out or anything. What goes on in your mind is your business in my humble opinion. Yet I loooooathe drunk drivers. Like...on par with rapists & pedophiles (who oddly enough probably read my blog & friended me on MySpace). Now, when I saw I loathe drunk drivers, I am aware that I admitted to driving drunk once last year...and it really bothers me when I know that friends & family of mine are out there driving drunk occasionally...especially when they have a perfectly good designated driver in me the vast majority of the time. However, this story just pisses me off to no end. Police said a man was arrested on Monday for his 22nd drunken driving offense — and his blood-alcohol content tested almost five times higher than New Mexico's legal limit. State Police Lt. Eric Garcia said an officer pulled up to a car parked along a highway and found a 51-year-old man on the ground near his vehicle. "He was coherent. He showed signs of slurred speech, as might be normal for any DWI arrest, which led the officer to believe he might be driving under the influence." Garcia said the suspect had to be taken by ambulance to Christus St. Vincent hospital in Santa Fe, where a blood-alcohol analysis showed a content level of .393 percent. New Mexico's limit for presumed intoxication is .08 percent. Police said records showed the man has been arrested five times in New Mexico and at least 16 times elsewhere (and not shot). The suspect, who faces a felony DWI charge, was booked into the Santa Fe County jail. Garcia said records showed the man faces pending DWI charges in Angel Fire (great name for a city) and Espanola. He also was served with arrest warrants from San Miguel, Bernalillo and Sandoval Counties — all on DWI-related charges. Garcia didn't know if the man had any prior DWI convictions. After a while, you just have to lock certain people up and throw away the key...or at least throw away their keys so they can't drive anymore. I just don't know how a man can do it. Endanger the lives of others so many times. Besides, he had 22 offenses...which means by my calculations that he probably drove intoxicated about 22,000 times...and just got caught every thousandth time. It just makes me sick. Please don't drink & drive. I don't wanna be a dick about this...but it's just safer for everybody...and let's face it, you know better...and I'd love to give you a drive home...and I typically won't even charge you for the gas as long as you're appreciative. Anyway, time for an uplifting rumor that's completely unfounded but touches my soul...which is conveniently located next to my left pants pocket usually.

Megan Fox Update - So a bunch of unfounded rumors are popping up on the web about Megan Fox being cast as the new Catwoman in the upcoming third Christopher Nolan-directed "Batman" movie...much like Philip Seymour Hoffman playing the Penguin & Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter and various other ridiculous stuff...but hey, there's good reason. For one, it's a comic book movie...and so Megan Fox has to be mentioned...because she's hot sh*t and let's face it, the more of her we can get on film the better since she won't return my calls. For two, it gives me good reason to put more pictures up on my blog to get my mind of drunk drivers...and pictures of Catwoman (or Catwomen) to illustrate the point. Prrrrrrrrr...

Say what you will...but I'm a sucker for the classics
Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether...and the statuesque Julie Newmar
Mmmmmmmmichelle...
Seriously, was there any other reason for this movie?
The funny part...is it's on AMC American Movie Classics now
Saw this poster at the movie last night...
...and I don't give a f**k what it's about

That'll do it for today. Wish me luck with the job search fiasco. It should provide plenty of entertaining interview stories at least. Have a great day everybody!!!

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