Return of the Soup Nazi

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'm excited. Why? Because on Thursday, I'll be in my first real basketball competition in...about five years...and I've missed it really. It's with the company 3-on-3 coed basketball tournament...and hopefully I'm not rusty since I haven't even touched a basketball since March...but I'm sure it's like riding a bike. A few crossover dribbles, a few mid-range jumpers, maybe a spin move and I should be back and ready to play at least half-way decent. Then I get to celebrate by going to meet my mom for her birthday and my cousin in Denver for drinks this weekend. See? Lots of reasons to be excited.

Not only that...but I also got some feedback from contacts concerning Lake Tahoe. The feedback wasn't exactly what I was looking for as far as job opportunities out there...but it was still very positive...and other departments are hiring good employees like me...and they look forward to hearing from me...you know, the usual stuff. I'll keep you posted as soon as there's some solid info. Great news though!!! See, a network of contacts can really help you out. It's not necessarily what you know...but who you know...and luckily I have a great record with both aspects. For example, a few weeks ago, I was able to hook a coworker up with a great inexpensive place to stay in Hawaii through my network...and today, I got a beautiful Maui Gold Pineapple...and a sweet thank you letter for my efforts. In fact, I would say it's my best thing today because of the smile on her face when she came back from her vacation. You know I do it all for the smiles...the pineapple is just a bonus. Being charming & great eye candy doesn't hurt either.

I've also started watching "Dexter" on DVD...and I really like it. For those who don't know, it's about a guy who has these "urges" to kill people. Right. Who doesn't? But these urges are...pretty strong. Well, he works as a blood splatter analyst for the Miami Metro police department (nice backdrop) and his sister's trying to become a detective...and he's a serial killer. Not like a really evil one...but he only kills bad guys. Well, there's another killer out there...and he may even be more meticulous and calculating than Dexter...so he's got to find him out before it's too late. Intriguing, right? Well, I like it because it's a lot like "Psych" on USA. How so? Well, it's the same kind of detective show...but whereas Psych is really funny & kooky, Dexter's creepy. It's like the whole Jekyll & Hyde...but the other stuff is the same. Their fathers were cops and taught them a lot of life lessons that come up in every episode, they're meticulous and see the world in very different ways...and I just enjoy them both because it's like a PG-13 & R rated version of the same show...just one's a smartass BS'er and the other's a serial killer. Not unlike myse...ugh, this guy I know. Anyway, I like the show...and can't wait to get home to watch more of it.

Last night, I watched "Run Fatboy Run" starring Simon Pegg, Hank Azaria & Thandie Newton. This guy Dennis (Pegg) leaves his beautiful fiancé (Newton) pregnant and at the wedding alter five years ago. Now, she's dating this successful business man / marathon runner (Azaria) and he wants to win her back. How's he going to do it? By proving that he can finish something in his life...by running a marathon. Perfectly logically sound from start to finish, right? Oh you bet your ass there's a best friend providing comic relief...and a cute kid...and wearing ridiculously tight short shorts. That's right, it's a standard cliché romantic comedy in ever sense of the standard. Oh...and it's directed by David Schwimmer. Watch it if you'd like, it has its moments like most comedies do...but yeah, not particularly recommending it or anything. Here's some news...

Return of the Soup Nazi - Speaking of sitcoms that I can't stand, a former government informant known online as "soupnazi" stole information from 130 million credit and debit card accounts in what federal prosecutors are calling the largest case of identity theft yet. Prosecutors said Monday that Albert Gonzalez, 28, of Miami broke his own record for identity theft, though his exploits ended when he went to jail on charges stemming from an earlier case involving only 40 million accounts. Gonzalez is a former informant for the U.S. Secret Service who helped the agency hunt hackers, authorities said. The agency later found out that he had also been working with criminals and feeding them information on ongoing investigations, even warning off at least one individual, according to authorities. Gonzalez, who is already in jail awaiting trial in a hacking case, was indicted Monday in New Jersey and charged with conspiring with two other unnamed suspects to steal the private information. Prosecutors say the goal was to sell the stolen data to others. How much of the data was sold and then used to make fraudulent charges is unclear. Investigators in such cases say it is usually impossible to quantify the impact of such thefts on account holders. Prosecutors say Gonzalez, known online as "soupnazi," targeted customers of convenience store giant 7-Eleven Inc. (which I used as my bank in Denver) and supermarket chain Hannaford Brothers Co. Inc. He also targeted Heartland Payment Systems, a New Jersey-based card payment processor. You can read the article for more info...but yeah, apparently this guy did all of this from jail...where he was allowed access to a computer by some stroke of brilliance. I can't even steal wireless internet...and I'm a free man. I'm definitely in the wrong business. I've gotta get my ass back to school. Anyway, check your accounts for identity theft.

Twitter: Only 40%? - According to a US market research firm, 40% of the messages on Twitter are "pointless babble" along the lines of "I am eating a sandwich now." Pear Analytics, based in San Antonio, Texas, said that it randomly sampled 2,000 messages from the public stream of Twitter and separated them into six categories. The categories were: news, spam, self-promotion, pointless babble, conversational and pass-along value. Pear said "pointless babble" accounted for 811 "tweets" or 40.55% of the total number of messages sampled. Conversational messages -- defined by Pear as tweets that go back and forth between users or try to engage followers in conversation -- accounted for 751 messages or 37.55%. Pear said tweets with "pass-along value" -- messages that are being "re-tweeted" or passed on by users to their followers -- accounted for 174 messages or 8.7%. Self-promotion by companies was next with 117 tweets or 5.85%, followed by spam with 75 tweets or 3.75%. It said tweets with news from mainstream media publications accounted for 72 tweets or 3.6%. Pear said it planned to conduct the study every quarter to identify trends on Twitter, which allows its users to send messages of 140 characters or less to a network of "followers." So yeah, that sounds about right. I don't follow Twitter...but I've read a few posts here and there on Facebook...and yeah, some of it's mildly entertaining...but yeah. The same could be said of my blog...and probably has been. "You know, he just talks about stupid movies that he saw or some story with a punch line that only amuses him or some whining about a new job he's applying for...and then the rest is just making fun of the news or any reason to post sexually explicit pictures. It's sick really." You're absolutely right...yet you still read it. Both of you (if I have a fanbase of that many now...and don't think that I haven't noticed that my last comments where several weeks ago). Anyway, just thought you'd like to know.

Panda Update - In other news that you probably already know, China's giant panda could be extinct in just two to three generations (and probably less if not for my species-saving pornography idea hadn't been implemented) as rapid economic development is infringing on its way of life, state media said on Monday, citing an expert at conservation group WWF (RAAAAW!!!). The problem is that the pandas' habitat is being split up into ever smaller patches, preventing the animals from roaming freely for mating partners and in turn endangering their gene pool, the Global Times reported. "If the panda cannot mate with those from other habitats, it may face extinction within two to three generations," said Fan Zhiyong, Beijing-based species programme director for WWF. "We have to act now." The risk of inbreeding is increasing, threatening to reduce the panda's resistance to diseases, lowering its ability to reproduce...and putting a reddish coloration around the neckline (that's an inbreeding joke y'all). Fan said that highways pose major restrictions on the panda's free movement. "We may have to give up building some infrastructure. I don't know the solution to this problem." As I'm sure you've read here many times before, there are about 1,590 pandas (about, not exactly) living in the wild around China, mostly in southwestern Sichuan, northern Shaanxi and northwestern Gansu provinces. A total of 180 have been bred in captivity, according to earlier reports. In addition to environmental constraints, the animals' notoriously low libidos have frustrated efforts to boost their numbers. Breeders have resorted to tactics such as showing them "panda porn" videos of other pandas mating, and putting males through "sexercises" aimed at training up their pelvic and leg muscles for the rigors of copulation. Ah yeah. So yeah, they may be gone in a few generations...because of freeways...and inbreeding...and damn it, why can't I just give my mojo to a panda...and he can repopulate the entire species. Hmm, but then I suppose my kids and grandkids would be forced to copulate with one another...and with my superior genetics & unquenchable sex drive it would form some new species of gigantic superhorny bears that would take over the world starting with the People's Republic of China...and would eventually put these supercute & supervicious creatures in a war for survival with the human powers of the world...and with only our cunning and physical abilities like kung fu to protect us...we may not have a chance against the superpowers of the world...until we get the bomb...and that would just make things worse. So I suppose it's probably a good idea to just keep my mojo to myself...but hey, we may get this cloning thing done pretty good soon too...so we can bring back pandas and dodos and dinosaurs and unicorns and minotaurs and whatever else...so that might make for a cool zoo. I can't believe nobody's thought of that before.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. I told you that I'd have a little story...and this one even had a pineapple involved. You can't get much sweeter than that, right? Thanks again for being one of my dozens of readers across the globe. Plus come back often and get me syndicated so that I can make some of the sweet sweet cizzash for my ramblings. Have a great day everybody!!!