First and foremost, a happy happy birthday to my Wingman. What more can I say that hasn't already been written on bathroom stalls across the globe? So I'll move on. Yesterday was a fun day...though I technically didn't "do" a lot. Yeah, as reported I did some errands & got my hair did...but after blogging, I was cleaning up...and stumbled upon a few of my home videos from 4-5 years ago...and I noticed a few of them didn't have tags on them saying what they were. So what's a man to do? Find out what's on 'em and tag 'em appropriately. Let's see, there was one from my trip to Boston the last week of 2006, a few clips from various trips to Vegas (mostly photos taken though, so it was like a minute total of the Ritz-Carlton, Lake Las Vegas & the drive through Southern Utah), a few recordings that were used for various commercials & presentations in my marketing classes in college a few years back, my work trip to Hawaii where I learned how to hula, and the cruise three years ago when about twenty of my closest relatives (all 21 & up) went to celebrate my grandma's birthday...and some of the stuff I was viewing clearly for the first time. We really need to go on another cruise soon. That was a lot of drunken fun. Then I watched a little bit of my China trip (including the acrobats show) so that was awesome. Not a bad way to spend a day off. Oh and everything got squared away so that I can go visit my mom for her birthday in Cheyenne next weekend. I know, I know, there's SO much to do in Cheyenne...but we'll find a way to have fun, I'm sure. I mean...it is me...and my mom. I've been trying to find something to do while there...but it's proving rather sketchy at best. Any suggestions?
Also, if you want to read a hilarious post (and if you read this blog, you probably do), then visit this link to Vollman where he talks about his version of classic 80's movies...in which he sides with the villains...because let's face it, they're just cooler. My only version that differed was with "Karate Kid" where Ali (Elisabeth Shue) would actually run off with me...but allow me to elaborate. The movie's basically the same...up until the fight just before the finals when Johnny (the blonde bully kid) is matched up against a previous unmentioned gigantic competitor named $teve...who's wearing an Armani suit. Cobra Kai makes a few of their insulting comments...and Johnny's given a similar order by his sensei to "sweep the leg" to try to make an example for the upcoming fight with Daniel-son. However, during the sweep attempt, $teve jumps slightly into the air and comes down with a crushing kick, snapping Johnny's femur in three places. That's what you get for breaking the rules, you get your leg broken. Then it's the final...and $teve against Daniel-son. Ali's obviously attracted to the new competitor and takes off her top three layers of clothing (don't worry, she has another two layers under that) because she suddenly feels a heat like never before. Miyagi suggest to Daniel-son that he start off with crane style. The music starts...Daniel-son raises up into crane position...the referee says go with a karate chop...and before Daniel-son can kick, he receives a vicious Muay Thai flying knee attack in his torso sending him into the fourth row...and $teve dusts off his suit. Ali jumps on him, violently kissing his face and neck. Miyagi says, "Your style is flawless." "Thanks Arnold (Happy Days reference), I try my best. Now if you'll excuse me. I've got to jet." The rocket shoes activate and $teve flies off with Ali in tow towards Catalina. Some might say, "That ending makes no sense" to which I reply, "Maybe...but one of the morals is to be prepared for anything. Sure, there's the whole back-story about the bullies and being the new kid and blah blah blah...but life isn't like a movie. You never know when you're going to be surprised by the suave man among boys in the Armani suit with legendary fighting skills who makes off with your championship belt and your girlfriend." Tell me that's not true...to a certain extent. Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, check out Mister Vollman. His endings kick ass too. Here's some news...
Les Paul Dies - The guitar virtuoso and inventor who revolutionized music and created rock 'n' roll as surely as Elvis Presley and the Beatles by developing the solid-body electric guitar and multitrack recording, died Thursday at age 94. Known for his lightning-fast leads, Paul performed with some of early pop's biggest names and produced a slew of hits, many with wife Mary Ford...but it was his inventive streak that made him universally revered by guitar gods as their original ancestor and earned his induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as one of the most important forces in popular music. Paul, who died in White Plains, New York of complications from pneumonia, was a tireless tinkerer, whose quest for a particular sound led him to create the first solid-body electric guitar, a departure from the hollow-body guitars of the time. His invention paved the way for modern rock 'n' roll and became the standard instrument for legends like Pete Townshend, Jimmy Page, Jimi Hendrix and Eddie Van Halen among thousands of others. He also developed technology that would become hallmarks of rock and pop recordings, from multitrack recording that allowed for layers and layers of "overdubs" to guitar reverb and other sound effects. Truly a sad day. My condolences to his family & friends.
Winnie the Pooh Bandit - The man who robbed a suburban Chicago bank at gunpoint last Friday looks like a hard-boiled, tough guy straight out of pulp fiction. Except for his sweatshirt, which featured a picture of Winnie the Pooh, the lovable Bear who's a classic of children's fiction. FBI agents on Wednesday dubbed him the Winnie the Pooh Bandit and released surveillance photos from the Park Ridge bank in hopes the public might help to identify him. They described his as a white male, 35 to 40 years old, 6-feet, 225 pounds, and medium build. FBI agents like to give bank robbers monikers (such as the Scarecrow Bandit who looked like a character from the "Wizard of Oz" and the Groucho Bandit who wore a fake mustache) in hopes of generating public interest and assistance...and let's face it, children of all ages love Pooh.
Ding Dong Ditch - A man suspected of appearing nude at homes and ringing doorbells is being held on $60,000 bail after pleading not guilty to a series of charges. Peter Allen Steele, who is 6 feet 7 inches tall and weighs 250 pounds (and most importantly, not me), entered his not guilty pleas Tuesday after being charged with seven counts, including driving under the influence, evading a peace officer, indecent exposure and entering a house without permission. Authorities say the 38-year-old Steele led San Mateo County sheriff's deputies on a car chase on July 11th that ended with him streaking into a home and then into the woods near Redwood City. Deputies say it took a Taser and two shots from a bean bag gun to bring him down. It's gonna be difficult to prove that it wasn't him...given the fact that he was tasered, blasted with a bean bag gun and carted off to jail...all while having his identifiable features extremely visible. I can see the courtroom now. "Mr. Steele, are you claiming that the man in this video is NOT you?" "That's correct your Majesty." "It's your Honor...but I'll allow it. So...you claim this man in the video...who shares your tribal tattoos, scar on the left leg, birthmark on right shoulder, six-foot-seven, 250 pounds and nine-inch penis...was chased through your neighborhood...was identified by four of your neighbors in a lineup...and was quoted as saying 'You can't do this to me, I'm Peter Allen Steele dammit!' was NOT you?" "That's correct your Holiness. It's an obvious setup. You have a literal orgy of evidence against me. Don't you think I would at least have clothes on if I were to do something like that?" "YES!!! YES I DO!!! That's what half the charges are about. You without your clothes." "Exactly." "And for the last time, where are your pants?" "I have decided to waive my right to pants in the courtroom." "That is not one of your rights in MY courtroom. Everyone must wear pants." "What about the stenographer? She's in a dress." "Mister Steele, SIT DOWN!!! Bailiff, tase this man!!!" "Oh no, not again." By the way, these are the things that I think of when I'm at work and have nothing more intellectually stimulating to do...and I love to share.
Speaking of Tasers - Glenrock (Wyoming) Police Chief Tom Sweet said two officers "probably didn't do things the best way" when they used a Taser on a 76-year-old man driving an antique tractor in a parade. Sweet spoke at a packed town hall meeting Monday, nine days after Bud Grose was hit with a Taser during the town's annual Deer Creek Days. The officers are on paid leave while state Division of Criminal Investigation agents investigate. Mayor Steve Cielinski and most of the Town Council apologized to residents and asked for patience. Cielinski promised the findings will be made public. "If we have to stand up and take it on the chin, we will," Cielinski said. State investigator Tim Hill has said the two officers contend Grose disobeyed orders. Grose hasn't commented publicly, however, and investigators have not disclosed many details of what happened. Sweet originally said it didn't appear any policies were violated. Some at Monday's meeting called for the two officers to be fired. Several people who witnessed the event told the crowd police repeatedly shocked Grose with a taser. "Those two were the most out-of-control officers I've ever seen in my life," said Scott McWilliams, a witness who said he was shoved by one of the officers. "These two guys got to go." Mike Pyatt, a former Glenrock police officer, called on town leaders to make changes at the department. "We will hold you accountable," he said. Sweet, however, said he won't act before receiving the DCI report, expected by the beginning of next week. "I don't want to take a knee-jerk reaction now," he said. I'm trying to think of the situation where tasing a 76-year old man driving an antique tractor in the middle of a parade would be appropriate...and the best that I could come up with is that the two officers requested salt water taffy from Mr. Grose...but because he was driving an antique tractor, and that he was 76 years young, he had difficulty hearing their pleas. "What?" "I want some taffy." "Yes, it's an original." "That's it. Pull over old man. I want some taffy." "What?" "Don't play dumb with me." "I don't know a Whitney. Is she that girl that works at the market?" "That's it." ZAAAP!!! Mr. Grose is unable to move...and the tractor's still in gear. "He's trying to make a run for it. Tase him again, Billy Bob." ZAAAP!!! "Sir, stop resisting arrest...and give us the taffy." As you can guess, it escalates from there into a not-so-high-speed chase. Perhaps I'm wrong...but if so, tell me how it went down. If I'm not given the facts (or at least something believable) then I'm forced to speculate. Hopefully this'll be cleared up by the time I drive across Wyoming to meet up with my mom for her birthday...but as long as I just give them the taffy, I should be okay, right?
I Just Threw Up A Little - A man has sued a Santa Ana, California Claim Jumper restaurant claiming he ordered French onion soup...and bit into a condom instead of melted cheese (I warned you). Zdenek Philip Hodousek filed the lawsuit Tuesday in Orange County Superior Court seeking unspecified damages over fears he may have contracted a disease. Hodousek's attorney Eric Traut said his client wants to have restaurant employees' DNA tested to find a match to the condom. A public relations firm representing Claim Jumper said no one can prove the so-called "foreign object" Hodousek took from the restaurant is the item that was submitted to a lab for testing. The firm said an internal probe (dry heave) revealed no employee wrongdoing. So yeah, sorry to traumatize you...but I didn't want to be the only one. I'm pretty sure it's just a guy trying to score some quick cash though...so no need to fear this kind of attack from your local food provider.
Anyway, I'll leave you with that taste in your mouth. Sorry but it was either that or a bunch of guys getting tasered or legends of music dying. Not exactly the best news day, I know...but hey, check out Vollman. He'll cheer you up. Have a great night everybody!!!