The Real Last Boy Scout

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Having trouble finding light bulbs for my new lamp so that I can show you pictures of it in action (sun's only out while I'm at work during the week…so worst-case, you get pics on Saturday). They were supposed to come with the lamp…but I assure you that I tore that package apart and couldn't find any. Oh well, there was a phone number in the instructions (mocking me). Walgreen's didn't seem to have the right size. No biggie. Like I've said, not entertaining anybody at this time. Made me some damn good stir fry last night though. I was a little proud of myself. Other than that, not really much to tell. My job's restructuring a little bit since a coworker resigned while I was in Vegas (thought they were just on vacation now) so I have more responsibilities…but I'm good for it. Job security, right? Anyway, here's some news…

Eagle Scout - A Long Island teenager has earned all 121 merit badges offered by the Boy Scouts of America. Oceanside resident Shawn Goldsmith earned his final badge (for Bugling) in time for his 18th birthday in November. He far surpassed the 21 badges required to achieve the elite rank of Eagle Scout. He said he took about five years to earn his first 62 badges and then nearly doubled that number in a matter of months. He did it with the encouragement of his grandmother, who died shortly before he reached his goal. The Binghamton University freshman was awarded his final badges on December 19th. He said he hopes to become a businessman and politician with his skills…like Bugling. Now, I was a Boy Scout for a few weeks so I can tie a few knots (ladies…), do some arts & crafts, fire an arrow from a bow, ride a zip line and I live my life by the whole "Be Prepared" motto…but that's not 121 badges worth, so I got curious as to what some of those skills are…and here are some that caught my attention:

• Pulp & Paper - The requirements include telling the history of papermaking, visiting mills, describing how they get fibers and from what trees, and three career opportunities in this industry. I guess the Boy Scouts aren't about going green just yet.


• Indian Lore - Give the history of a local tribe and visit it if possible…and make food, clothing, games, storytelling, all kinds of stuff. One of my favorite requirements was "learn 25 Indian place names" and my thought was…ugh, start naming states. Not sure how I feel about the whole "Indian Lore" thing…but it's only slightly less PC than "Native American Mythology" or "The Other Side of Manifest Destiny" or something like that.


• Pioneering - Listed under hobbies…and I was really intrigued because I thought, would Pioneers consider their survival a hobby? Then upon reading into the requirements, it's about ropes. How they're made, how they're thrown, the different kinds, what they're used for. Why not just call it roping? Too obvious with the Scoutmaster scandals?


• Nuclear Science - Just thought it was a little funny to be in merit badges.


• Dentistry - "Okay Mr. Love, that should take care of that root canal. Do I get my merit badge now?" "(through gauze & swelling) Thank you Dr. Timmy, that nitrous oxide really helped. Say, could you be a chum and get me some more gauze…and maybe a bucket? I seem to be choking on my own blood again. Tehehehe, this sh*t's groovy."


• Fingerprinting - How can this take more than an hour to get this badge? It can't be that complicated, right? Do you have to get fingerprinted…and spend a night in lockup?


• American Labor - Finally, put those little bastards to work. Maybe they're the ones that built that road full of potholes on the way to work. Not bad for a first time.


• Motorboating - Hmm, I'm pretty sure that I have a merit badge for this one. I seem to recall the history of motorboating, practicing several techniques and methods from different cultures, visiting several places where this was a preferred practice, but I don't recall having the ladies sign off on my performance. It was more of an oral approval. I also learned about Negotiation and several forms of Dance including Pole & Lap. Best 13th birthday EVER!!! Thanks dad!!!
  

Master Cobbler - As you know, one of my many job titles is Master Cobbler…and for those who don't know, that's a maker of shoes…not just a delicious dessert. I was surprised that it wasn't mentioned on the list of merit badges…but it's still in the news. Florida state troopers are looking for a charity to take thousands of shoes that were dumped on a Miami expressway, tying up rush hour traffic. Lt. Pat Santangelo says the Florida Highway Patrol received a call about the shoes Friday morning. Santangelo says he's not sure where the shoes came from (probably China). There were no signs of a crash and no one stopped to claim them. He says he hopes someone will take them because he doesn't want to send them to the dump. Workers using a front-end loader and a dump truck were able to quickly clear at least one lane by sweeping all the shoes to shoulder, but delays were expected until they could all be removed. Why not just take the dump truck to the nearest charity and drop them off there? Problem solved. You're welcome, Florida. By the way, good luck in the BCS Championship game tonight. It should be a good game…despite being meaningless…because the University of Utah Runnin' Utes are the rightful champions.

Ski Bum - Now for a local story. A guy who dangled upside down from a ski lift with his bare bottom exposed probably doesn't want to hear any "ski bum" jokes. Officials at Vail Resorts in Colorado say the 48-year-old man was trying to get on the Blue Ski basin lift on New Year's Day. They haven't said what went wrong. Workers stopped the lift, backed it up 10 or 12 feet and rescued the man after about seven minutes. His name hasn't been released…and authorities have yet to be able to identify the butt print. Bystanders snapped photos and posted them on the Internet, showing a man who looks to be hanging by one ski boot, his ski pants and underwear apparently snagged in the chair and reaching no farther than his knees. Vail spokeswoman Liz Biebl confirmed the photos on one site were, in fact, the victim. Not sure exactly how this happened, but rumor round the campfire is that the bar that normally comes in front on the lift chair didn't do so…and that led to the malfunction. Still…just about the only thing that could've made this more hilarious…is if he literally scared himself sh*tless. Poor guy though. I hope that he's doing okay. I'd hate to have another picture of my bare bottom on the internet.

Iron Man 2 Update - Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks with Paramount Pictures to play the roles of two villains in the Iron Man sequel reports the trades. Rourke, currently undergoing a resurgence thanks to critical acclaim for his "The Wrestler" performance, would play the Crimson Dynamo. The character is a heavily tattooed Russian arms dealer who battles the superhero in a nuclear-powered suit of armor that can control electricity. In the comics the character is tricked into defecting to the US and went to work for Stark, forcing the Soviets to send KGB assassin Black Widow (hotchuma hotchuma) after him. What's interesting here is that the Black Widow character has also been rumored to appear in the sequel. My imagination wanders at the thought of the actresses that could play her…with a Russian accent. Mmm…the Mad Scientist knows what I'm talking about. Meanwhile though it's not confirmed, Sam Rockwell (star of "Choke" movie) is tipped to be playing Justin Hammer, a multibillionaire British businessman and a rival of industrialist Tony Stark. Can't wait for the quips being exchanged between Robert Downey jr and Sam Rockwell in those scenes. The script is still being written by Justin Theroux so details are still open to change. Still…super excited…though it'll be a while before this movie comes out…probably Memorial Day 2010 if I remember right.

Well, that'll do it for today. Not much else going on. I would greatly appreciate y'all sending me your phone numbers either via email or text message later in the week. Many of you already have...and much love for that. My number should be the same. Thank you all for reading my ramblings…and have a great day everybody!!!