Teleport Back a Year

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, today marks the 1st Anniversary of the Day of Infamy where basically my cushy little gig wasn't quite so cushy...and this whole recession thing kinda hit home. Quite a bit has changed since then. My family's gotten a year older...which means my parents are now in their fitties and my nieces and nephews are spongier than ever. My friends are now scattered all over the still-United States...as opposed to being about a ten minute drive away. My job & ambition have taken me to a different state...but at what cost? I guess time will only tell if the moves that I made were the right ones...but they sure seemed that way at the time...and regardless, it won't drag me down...because I've got high hopes for the future...and a deluxe apartment in sky...just trying to get a piece of that pie. A wise man once said that fish don't fry in the kitchen, while beans don't burn on the grill, and it's gonna take a whole lot of t-ryin' just to make it up that hill...but once you're up in the big leagues and it's your turn at bat...I forget the rest...but I'm pretty sure it ends up there ain't being nothin' wrong with that...because we're movin' on up. I think Lincoln said it. I'll have to Google that. Anyway, I'm feeling a little better today...and decided to spend the day indoors cleaning up around the apartment and resting so I don't get sick again. Little bit of a Gloomy Gus Day yesterday when I got home...feeling miserable and nobody there to tuck me in...but luckily I had my mom, dad & brother calling...and my good friends like Bubbles & JL Clyde there to talk to...though virtually from hundreds of miles away. Thanks. Love y'all madly. Anyway, enough of that stuff, here's the news...

Invincible Rip-off - More proof that the Cowboys TRY to be like the Eagles…but simply can't pull it off…even over twenty years later. Okay, so you've all the Marky Mark movie "Invincible" based on a true story about the bartender who tried out for the Eagles during open tryouts back in the early 80's, right? No? Go watch it. Well, I guess I basically just told you the story and saved you two hours…but still, Eagles, go watch it. Anyway, now former Cowboys receiver / coke addict Michael Irvin is launching a reality TV show in which 12 “football neophytes” will compete for an impressive grand prize - a spot on the Dallas Cowboys’ training camp roster. Irvin says, “I don’t know if you can walk upon any group of guys that wouldn’t say they dreamed of playing in the NFL when they were playing in their front yard. So we’re going to take a group of guys from their front yard, dwindle them to one and give that guy the opportunity of a lifetime.” The Cowboys confirmed that one of their 80 roster spots will go to the show’s winner, but team owner Jerry Jones was not available for further comment. The NFL did not immediately return a call. The show, which doesn’t yet have a title, will air this spring on Spike. It is being produced by the same company that’s behind “The Biggest Loser” and many other reality TV hits. To make things even worse, Irvin will not only host…but have friends like Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Deion Sanders and owner Jerry Jones stop by for cameos. Just when I was starting to like Spike TV and their CSI marathons and MANswers, they have to do this. Oh well, I'll watch the Contender & Contender: Muay Thai reruns when they come on. My prediction - The winner will have a criminal record…just so he can smoothly transition into the Cowboys organization.

Afrika Update - Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery. Wait for it, hear the whole story before you judge. Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323. "The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone. "We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said. Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Afrika's most populous nation. Residents came to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw. Now, I know what you're thinking…and it sounds absolutely ridiculous…but think about it. Okay, sure they may have just been chasing two guys, turn a corner…and one's there…and a goat's there…so to keep from looking like slow pokes, they say he turned into a goat. That's one scenario. However, what if the guy DID turn himself into a goat? They bring the goat in, everybody laughs, gets their pictures taken with him and they let him go. This car thief morphs back into a man and is free on the streets…or whatever the equivalent is in Nigeria, the savannah or something. I know some of you out there believe in Magick…and I believe anything is possible. Still don't think that we need more money in public schools? Remember this the next time a proposition comes up for a tax to help out schools…or there's a fundraiser or something. Make teaching an occupation you can afford to live on…otherwise we'll have goats in custody in our jails too. Don't think this story won't come up on my campaign to become Governor later on in life.

Teleportation Update - On a similar segway, scientists have come a bit closer to achieving the "Star Trek" feat of teleportation. No one is galaxy-hopping, or even beaming people around, but for the first time, information has been teleported between two separate atoms across a distance of a meter…or yard for us. This is a significant milestone in a field known as Quantum Information Processing, said Christopher Monroe of the Joint Quantum Institute at the University of Maryland (GO TERRAPINS!!!), who led the effort. Teleportation is one of nature's most mysterious forms of transport: Quantum information, such as the spin of a particle or the polarization of a photon is transferred from one place to another, without traveling through any physical medium. It has previously been achieved between photons (a unit, or quantum, of electromagnetic radiation, such as light) over very large distances, between photons and ensembles of atoms, and between two nearby atoms through the intermediary action of a third. None of those, however, provides a feasible means of holding and managing quantum information over long distances. Now the JQI team, along with colleagues at the University of Michigan (GO WOLVERINES!!!), has succeeded in teleporting a quantum state directly from one atom to another over a meter. That capability is necessary for workable quantum information systems because they will require memory storage at both the sending and receiving ends of the transmission. In the January 23rd issue of the journal Science, the scientists report that, by using their protocol, atom-to-atom teleported information can be recovered with perfect accuracy about 90 percent of the time - and that figure can be improved. (That's right, perfect accuracy…90% of the time…think about it) "Our system has the potential to form the basis for a large-scale 'quantum repeater' that can network quantum memories over vast distances. Moreover, our methods can be used in conjunction with quantum bit operations to create a key component needed for quantum computation." A quantum computer could perform certain tasks, such as encryption-related calculations and searches of giant databases, considerably faster than conventional machines. The effort to devise a working model is a matter of intense interest worldwide.

Physicist Richard Feynman is quoted as having said that "if you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics." Or sometimes he is cited thusly: "I think I can safely say that nobody understand quantum mechanics." Nonetheless, here is how the University of Maryland describes Monroe's work. Teleportation works because of a remarkable quantum phenomenon called Entanglement which only occurs on the atomic and subatomic scale. Once two objects are put in an entangled state, their properties are inextricably entwined. Although those properties are inherently unknowable until a measurement is made, measuring either one of the objects instantly determines the characteristics of the other, no matter how far apart they are. You know what? I just realized that you might not care about Teleportation…and the only Entanglement you're concerned about is the entanglement of limbs & other extremities with your lover (I feel ya) or maybe just the entanglement of your hair…so if you'd like to read more, there's a link. I think the idea of teleportation is awesome…but I realize that we also don't really have the scientific knowledge at this point to be beaming people up quite yet. However, if a guy can turn himself into a goat to avoid going to jail for attempted jacking of a Mazda, then I suppose anything's possible with perseverance and a little luck.

Dita Von Teese - Dita von Teese, the raven-haired reincarnation of striptease artistes from 1940s America, is returning to one of the most famous nude revues in Paris, happy to be back in a city with a respect for her craft. "I feel that Paris is a place that still appreciates its showgirls," she told Reuters in an interview before a two-week run at the celebrated Crazy Horse theater from February 1st. Von Teese, a familiar figure at the Paris couture shows, has carved a peculiar niche over the years, leading the way as burlesque has grown from simple striptease to becoming an established part of the fashion world. Two years ago she emerged from a rhinestone-encrusted bubble bath as the first guest star at the Crazy Horse but the new show will have more specially designed numbers, including two songs she has recorded herself. "I feel I have to raise the bar," she said. The Crazy Horse has been a Paris institution since 1951, regularly drawing celebrities like Madonna or fashion designer Jean-Paul Gaultier to see its dancers strut the stage in little more than fluorescent wigs and strobe lights. "I've always had a real fascination with the Crazy Horse ever since I was a teenager and I found a picture of this line of nearly nude toy soldiers standing at attention," she said, referring to the trademark parade that opens the nightly show. "I wanted to do something more elaborate this time. Combine the Crazy Horse style with what I do which is classic American burlesque."

Inspired by the venerable names of stripping and pinup such as Gypsy Rose Lee and Bettie Page, she has an almost scholarly interest in the era of the 1930s and 1940s when the renowned Minsky's Burlesque ruled on Broadway. In person, a pale and softly spoken woman in an elegant green frock and carefully coiffed hair, Von Teese, born Heather Sweet (not a bad name to begin with), says "Everything I do professionally comes from what my hobbies were, which was dressing in vintage clothes, driving in vintage cars, listening to retro music and reading about burlesque stars." (Hmm, we have the same hobbies) The distinctive look, which she maintains even when not performing, has always made her stand out but she said the attention had been a help in her stage life. "I was so shy in other ways but I was never shy about that. For people to be looking at me because I was wearing an unusual hat or a strange dress and looking like I stepped off a movie set -- I've been used to that for my entire adult life." She has managed a delicate transition, taking on a glamorous allure that has elevated her from the gyrating ranks of laptop dancers but she says her style has actually changed little since she started almost 20 years ago. "I started performing burlesque in 1991 and originally my audience was in strip clubs, pole dancing clubs, fetish clubs and I've watched the way it changed. I've been doing the same show all along but why has it become more fashionable? It's interesting because I'm not the one that's changed." Okay, so honestly I had no idea who Dita Von Teese was…but the name sounded a little familiar…so I googled it. She was married to Marilyn Manson. Really? Didn't see that one coming. Anyway, if you're in Paris, check out her show. Anybody inspired by Bettie Page and was born Sweet is cool in my book.

So let's see, got the football stuff, the science stuff, the sexy brunette stuff, nothing really in the news about Pandas or Sexbots and I'm too cloudy headed to come up with a Movie List...so I guess that'll do it for today. I hope that you're all having a groovy weekend. Play safe...and have a great day!!!