Will Work for Bacon

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

Let's see, quick rundown of events. Still looking for a job but have applied for a few and inquired on a few others, still no soda during Lent…which will make five weeks tomorrow, three days from now I'll be in California, all but one of my Final Four picks have been eliminated…but North Carolina's still in it and I picked them to win it all back at the beginning of the year, and last night was a lot of fun at the Bacon Brothers concert at the Hard Rock Café.

Last night, my cousin & I went to the show…and the best thing about it really…was the people watching…and making up our own conversations. See, obviously I'd say at minimum 90% of the people at the concert had probably never been to a Bacon Brothers concert before…and were just there because they were huge Kevin Bacon fans (and didn't even know that his brother's name was Michael & not Crispy) or they got free tickets because they're so badass…like I did. So before the show, they set up a line where people could come up and get their pictures taken with the brothers…and Ranae & I just kind of sat upstairs in the VIP section looking down on them and making up conversations that were going on down there…not unlike those two geezers on the balcony of the Muppet Show. Here are some of my favorites…

• "We just TOTALLY skipped the whole six degrees thing."


• "Hey guys, I just wanted to say that I'm a huge fan. Bacon is BY FAR my favorite breakfast meat."


• "LOVED you in Friday the 13th."


• "So on the set of Wild Things…what ugh? Did ya…? You know. Come on! Neve Campbell? You had to, right?"


• "What's it like f**king Elisabeth Shue? What? You guys never…really? I thought that was why you did a movie where you're invisible."


• "So do you REALLY play instruments…or are you just the frontman?"


• "What's it like being fifty? Still lead in the pencil?"


• "When are you gonna remake Tremors?"


• "Will you sign my VHS copy of Footloose?" (This one really happened)


• "Oh my God, Michael you're so talented. I just love your songs and they have such a deep meaning in my personal life and I just can't tell you how excited I am to finally meet you. Oh, is this your brother? What's his name? Did your mom make you put him in the band? Does he play tamborine or something?"



• My favorite…and the one I decided to go with: "LOVED you in Animal House. What do you say we squeeze in the middle here for the picture and we make a Bacon Sandwich?"
  

This is why I'm rarely allowed around celebrities…and just imagine if I ended up moving to Hollywood. The show was pretty good. It was what you'd expect, standard rock & roll with a little back-story to each song…including my favorite about when Kevin's publicist called to say that he got him an interview in Playboy last year…and he was obviously all excited about it, having been a huge fan of the magazine for years. Then he gets the call a day before the interview…and they basically said that the magazine was going for a more youth-oriented interview…which led to the inspiration for the song "Too Old for Playboy." Apparently the Bacons are from Philadelphia too (GO EAGLES!!!) and they told of an apparent New Year's Eve tradition where guys wear feathers & beaks and go door to door saying, "Here we are, at your door, like we were the year before. Give us whiskey, give us gin, open the door & let us in" in exchange for booze or change or beads, I don't know what…but who apparently helped popularize the tradition? George Washington, back when Philly was the first capital of the United States. Neat, right? I may now have to go there for New Year's next year. So yeah, here are some pictures…

Sunrise the other day, gonna miss my apartment

A dusting of snow the other day, that shut the city down

The line to get your picture taken with the Bacons

Entirely too many guitars on stage...

Opening act, Denver's own Matt Morris

Proof that Kevin Bacon blows...his harmonica

...and beats his cowbell with a tamborine

REAL Beef Tenders - The fundraising idea may seem a little nuts (rim shot), but Oakdale's annual Testicle Festival is always a big hit. Today, volunteers with the town's Rotary Club will fry up 400 pounds of the private parts of bulls and serve them to diners who pay $50 apiece for the sit-down meal (oh yeah, they PAY for this). The event, whose proceeds also benefit the Oakland Cowboy Museum, has drawn an average of 450 people and last year raised $28,000. It's common practice on cattle ranches for young male bovines to be castrated into steers, which after the initial loss, eventually makes them more docile and easier to handle (no kidding). Fans of the delicacy, also referred to as "mountain oysters," come from around the state. According to Rotarians, everyone who buys a ticket is guaranteed to "have a ball." Wow, that sounds delicious and nutritious. There is no amount of hot sauce in the world that'll help that. I've tried some strange cuisine in my day…but I have yet to try Rocky Mountain Oysters…and I don't plan on it any time soon. Hmm, unless that $28,000 came into question. Don't look at me like that. I'm gonna be unemployed soon. That would buy me a year of room & board. Don't judge me. You'd do it too. I guarantee it. Anyway, just goes to show what people will do for charity. My God, four hundred pounds of testicle. How many bulls lost their legacy to benefit the Oakland Cowboy Museum (which doesn't sound like a real place)?

Fox Update - Here's something that'll get that taste out of your mouth. So last week, I mentioned that I was considering a pet (before I started considering finding a new job…after being laid off from this one) and now it appears that Megan Fox has been doing the same…only a little more forward about it. The 'Transformers' actress has turned her Hollywood home into a small scale zoo since moving out of the house she shared with ex-fiance Brian Austin Green in February. Megan, 22, reportedly keeps five dogs, two cats, two birds, a squirrel and has recently also brought home a pot bellied pig named Piggy Smalls. She said: "I've just moved to a new place with a huge garden, so all my pets have plenty of room. The garden has become my private animal kingdom and I love it. I can't pass a rescue shelter without hawking a new critter home." A friend of the star revealed she has always been keen on animals, and as a youngster had a habit of playing with snakes (mmm, of course) in her hometown of Rockwood, Tennessee. The source (who may or may not exist) said: "Everyone was scared of rattlesnakes expect Megan. She used to give her parents a real headache by trying to play with the rattlers. Now she's into cuddly creatures. I think she's lost without something to cuddle up to at night, because she can't make up her mind which man to romance." Poor Miss Fox. Well, if you're looking for a cute cuddly creature to cuddle up with…and will be super excited to see you every day when you get home from work…and you can show off to your friends…and speaks on command…and is housebroken…and LOVES peanut butter…then you're in luck. I'm available. There's no adoption fees required, I can sleep in a box in the corner of the living room (though I may try to sneak into bed once in a while) and let's face it, I'm pretty f**king fantastic. I'd be happy to show you my papers…and my resume…and whatever qualifications you may be looking for. Besides, animals love me. I have a certain magnetism with them. I'd get along well with Piggy Smalls and your squirrel Busta Nutt or whatever their names are. I'm also versatile. I can be a monkey, a seal, a snake…but I think you'll be most impressed with me being a horse. Just throwing that out there. Anyway, let me know if you're looking for a large cuddly pet of all trades. Hell, I even feed myself…and live off a diet of Bacon & Love...and can put on those silly outfits. Good luck getting me to fit inside of a purse though.

Anyway, that'll do it for tonight. I'll keep you all posted on things are they come along. Have a great day everybody!!!