Thursday, March 5, 2009

Livin' La Dolce Vita

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I watched a movie that came highly recommended from classic film gurus called "La Dolce Vita" (The Sweet Life), an Italian film by the director Federico Fellini. Now, the only other movie I have seen of Fellini's was "Satyricon" and is hands down the craziest movie that I have ever seen. I tried to explain it months ago when JL Clyde & I watched it…and was unable to…and it literally had me mesmerized for over two hours…and afterwards I thought, "What the f**k just happened?" Well, this movie was a little more of the standard format of filmmaking…but still pretty powerful…especially for being made fifty years ago. Now, Netflix describes the movie as "Federico Fellini's lush and intoxicating masterpiece, La Dolce Vita, is a meditation on the meaning of life and love and stars Marcello Mastroianni as Marcello, a gossip writer who seeks the fleeting excesses and decadence of life and sex. He sleeps with the beautiful Maddalena (Anouk Aimee), alienating and driving his lover, Emma (Yvonne Furneaux), to suicide. When he meets an elusive actress, Sylvia (Anita Ekberg), he dives deep into the abyss." Sounds like a heartwarming little tale, right? Well, it was…interesting…and three hours long…and I don't know if it was just me…and I missed some of the subtleties of 1950's Italian culture or that I spent the whole time reading subtitles or what…but I just didn't get the point of the movie. There were some great lines about living for today and taking chances and seeking excesses…but then coupled with these decisions destroying those around you. I mean…there's definitely some thought provocation involved and the music's great and the backdrop of the city of Rome made me reminisce about my two trips there…but again, at the end of the movie, I was kind of stuck thinking, "What the f**k just happened?" but not nearly to the extent of "Satyricon" though. That sh*t's just crazy. According to film buffs, Federico Fellini started out as a pretty standard filmmaker and then slowly but surely slipped into madness with his style…and this movie "La Dolce Vita" was the lynch pin in the middle of the two extremes. Overall, I'd say if you're into classic thought-provoking movies with either subtitles or bad dubbing…and can sit through a three-hour movie in which not a whole lot happens, then I'd say go for it. You may be pleasantly surprised. If not, then watch "Con Air" again or something.

Escorts Targeted in Hate Crimes - Calm down ladies of the night, the headline was to get your attention…yet still remain true. An arsonist in Medford, Oregon is apparently on the prowl for green Ford Escorts from the 1990s. Three of them have been burned in recent weeks, a series that Medford police Sgt. Mike Budreau described as "pretty bizarre." A 1995 green Ford Escort was destroyed by flames early Sunday morning after someone broke a window and poured flammable liquid into it. A similar fire was set in a 1993 green Ford Escort parked in a driveway on February 22nd. Investigators have also uncovered a February 2nd case of a 1992 green Ford Escort damaged by a plastic container filled with flammable liquid placed next to a tire that burned without setting the car afire. Budreau told the Mail Tribune newspaper in Medford, "I think this person really doesn't like Ford Escorts." Oh really? I don't think it's the car. Come with me if you will…on a journey through the mind of an arsonist. A man is in Love. He has found the woman of his dreams...and they've moved in together...and he's probably already checking out local jewelry stores for the ring that's just right. He comes home early on a Monday to be with his girlfriend…nay, already fiancĂ©...and prepare to watch the Bachelor together (or whatever their preferred TV lineup is) but first, a special dinner…since he was a little crazy yesterday watching the Super Bowl. Maybe he said some things that he regrets. Whatever, he was gonna make it up to her. He comes home…and finds her with another man. RAGE!!! A naked man makes a mad dash to escape, clothes under arm, as the infuriated man goes to the kitchen for a knife, scissors, rolling pin, anything to inflict pain. He gets to the front door just in time to see a green 90's Ford Escort drive off…and in his rage, he doesn't make out the license plate number. An argument ensues…and the fiancĂ© gives nothing as far as information to her newfound lover. Now, he searches the streets of Medford, looking for his green 90's Ford Escort…but any will do. He will continue to do so until the mysterious naked man (who's probably clothed by now) comes to face him…in a epic duel…but until then, I would suggest getting a paint job done on your Escort if you live in Medford. Oh yeah, it's much deeper than simple arson…and a distaste for economical American automotives. Then again, maybe I watch too much CSI (Vegas, Miami, New York, New Orleans, whatever) and Law & Order. No, that's impossible. I'm right on this. Medford police, let me know when you find this guy.

Tranny Lizards - Doc may have beaten me to this news clip and given an entertaining theoretical conversation on it…but regardless, I think that I should inform my readers as well. Young male lizards in South Africa imitate females to fool aggressive older males into leaving them alone, in an example of transvestism in the natural world. The lizards not only avoid fights but gain access to females under the nose of their more macho rivals, the South African and Australian researchers discovered. They found that young male Augrabies flat lizards delayed displaying the extravagant coloration of sexually-mature males until they were able to defend themselves adequately. "Experienced males will chase and bite their young rivals," said associate professor Martin Whiting of Johannesburg's University of the Witwatersrand. "By delaying the onset of color to a more convenient period, these males, termed she-males, are making the best of a bad situation." Australian National University associate professor Scott Keogh said opting to become transvestites for a period offered young males a dual advantage. "They can avoid potentially dangerous bouts with dominant males and still have access to normally inaccessible females." However, as with large hands and an Adam's apple in the human world, there is a flaw in the lizards' transvestite transformation. Dominant males can detect transvestite's male hormones with their sensitive tongues, even if they are taken in by their female appearance ("Is that a penis in your pants?"). University of Sydney researcher Jonathan Webb said this meant the she-males needed to be nimble to avoid advances from dominant males smitten by their fake female allure (I'll bet. Like "The Crying Game" meets "Jurassic Park"). "Males are fooled by looks, but not by scent. She-males are able to maintain this deception by staying one step ahead of a prying male, and thereby avoiding a nosey tongue that might give the game away." The research was published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society (so the Queen herself can read it). Aren't you glad that scientists are researching this stuff? Don't think for a minute that this doesn't translate to humans either. Metrosexuality is just a variation of this same principle. Sometimes to hang with the girls, you have to become one of the girls…but nobody wants to take it to the "DUDE!!! YOU'RE A DUDE!!!" extreme. That's just messed up. By the way, if you don't read Doc's blog, you may want to start. The guy's a genius…and darn funny.

Fox Update - Yet more news from the world of recently-single (question mark?) supermegahottie Megan Fox…and it's better than you think. She is in final negotiations to star in two more comic book adaptation. As reported a few months ago, she's set to play Aspen, the lead actress / aquatic humanoid in the underwater adventure "Fathom" which I've discussed before (including a very convenient possible tie-in with Angelina Jolie's character Lara Croft based on an already existing issue of the comic, hint hint Hollywood). So that's awesome. What could be possible be worthy of being mentioned in the same paragraph as that? Nothing…but I'll definitely start a new paragraph for the continuation of this update.

She is also set to star in the comic book action Western "Jonah Hex" for Warner Brothers. She will be playing Leila, a gun-wielding beauty and love interest of Hex (played by Josh Brolin), a scarred bounty hunter tracking a voodoo practitioner Quentin Turnbull (played by THE John Malkovich) who wants to raise an army of undead to liberate the South. Directed by Jimmy Hayward ("Horton Hears A Who!"), shooting kicks off next month with Andrew Lazar and Akiva Goldsman producing. That's right!!! A movie with a superhottie gunslinger (what is it about chicks with guns?), a scarred badass Eastwood type and John Malkovich playing a Southern gentleman voodoo practitioner with a loyal army of zombies. Sounds like a formidable trifecta, nay QUADfecta (zombies) of movie awesomeness to me. Apparently this one's gonna be made before "Fathom" is too…so yeah, super excited. Oooh, corsets and Colt 45's…with ZOMBIES!!! Can't wait…but apparently it'll be over a year before this one comes out. In the meantime, Transformers 2 is coming this summer…and Jennifer's Body in the fall…and even before then, I can get my Fox Fix on "How to Lose Friends & Alienate People." Giggidy!!!

Well, that'll do it for today. Tonight is a Pilates class…so I should get a good workout…and have some eye candy. Nothing really motivates me to work out like eye candy. Seriously, I could have a trainer like Teddy Atlas barking out stuff like "Come on hit that bag, you pansy!" or whatever the more realistic use of colorful metaphors would be…and I'd be like, "Whatever, I do what I want." Maybe Mick would be the one exception…but sadly that can't happen (RIP Burgess Meredith). However, if a beautiful woman merely suggests that I climb a mountain & shoots me a flirtatious smile or wears a contour revealing outfit, then I'll get to the summit of the Matterhorn in record time…or at least a personal best. It's all about motivation. Honestly, it's the same thing that gets me out of bed in the morning…just taken to the next level. Don't judge me. What motivates you? Family? Friends? Personal Goals? Tasty Kakes? Money? Self-satisfaction? Come on now, what? I'm curious.

In the meantime, I'm gonna get back to thinking about Pilate hottie bodies, unaerodynamic swimmer bods & sexy gunslingers who fall for guys with scarred faces and a big gun. Have a great day everybody!!!


Doc said...

Thanks so much for the nod. I'm not sure I merit the praise, but I'll take it nonetheless.

Thanks for the heads-up on the new Jonah Hex movie. I've been reading all of them I could find for twenty years or more and often wondered why the never made a film. As far as the books go, the ones by John R. Lansdale are the best and I think that may be where they have drawn their plot from as I recall a voodoo Dr. in one.

Wonderful article, as always.


$teve said...

My pleasure...and you do deserve the praise. Yeah, I had only heard of Jonah Hex before yesterday...and looking into it more, I can't imagine why it took so damn long to become a movie...but maybe it's the whole Western genre not having a big hit since "Unforgiven" and Eastwood turning to Award-winning stuff. Oh well, can't really think of a better lineup. :)

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