Denver Zoo

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I must have drank entirely too much last night because I woke up this morning and I had literally lost an entire hour of my life. I'm talking BLACKOUT DRUNK LOST...like even my clocks forgot to acknowledge its existence. Somebody on the news said something about Daylight Savings Time or whatever...but I think they have a drinking problem too. This is just what alcoholics do. They make excuses...and try to blame it on farmers and their early rise habits. It's disgusting actually...and it needs to stop. Anyway, here are some pictures from my journey to the Denver Zoo yesterday...and even though I went kind of early...on a day when it was supposed to snow (and didn't) about half of the animals were tucked away in their little nooks and crannies of their habitats, here's some of the wondeful creatures that I saw...and in the spirit of the past few blog entires, I think I'm going to rename a few of these animals so that they're more easily identifiable in the wild. Let me know what you think.

Peacock - I like the name already

Hyena - Laughing Dog

"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight..."

This tiger was awesome...but like most big cats in

zoos, paced a lot...and you feel kind of bad for them

"Aaaah, look at da li'l puppies..."

Red Panda - Now called the Red-headed Raccoon

Zebra - Striped Horse

Giraffe - Stretched Horse

Buffalo - Tatonka

I actually like the Latin name Bos Taurus on these evil looking bulls

Polar Bears - Caucasian Bears

Harbor Seals - Sea Leopards

Sea Otter - Sea Shouldas

Penguins - Tuxedo Birds

The Doc Brown Crane

Sounds like an Yosemite Sam insult, "You Buff-Crested Bustard!!!"

Cassowary - Faux Hawk

Andean Condor - Can stay the same

Has anybody else out there ever seen "Condorman"?

"ROCK, FLAG AND EEEEAGLLLLLLE!!!"

Flamingos - Lawn Birds

Hard to see through the condensation...

but this was a four-assed Babboon

The Larry Lemur, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk..."

Only a truly brilliant scientist would name a monkey

as a tribute to breasts around the globe

The Asbestos Worker Monkey

The Wise Wizard Marmoset

Grizzly Bears are awesome

So are these Sun Bears...but not nearly as awesome

Tapir - Long-nosed Pig Anteater Hybrid Thingy

Then the camera died before I could take a picture of the largest Snapping Turtle that I have ever seen. The cell phone camera wasn't any good. Anyway, that was my day at the Zoo. I even told a few interesting facts to kids who ran ahead of their parents...you know, like I work there & am not just a random nerd at the zoo...then it hit me that I was a fully developed (and how) 27-year old man, by himself, in a long leather jacket, wearing shades, taking pictures, in an environment specifically geared towards children, again by myself...and I was crouching down to talk to little kids who had momentarily escape the tractor beam of their parents' stare. I could've been some kind of psycho abducter. Now I'm kind of surprised that nobody jumped me while I was there. "HEY!!! What're you doing? What're you saying to my kid? Get away from her." "I was just telling her that porcupine quills are hollow and barbed...and that's why they..." "I'M CALLING THE COPS!!!" "Ugh...okay, why? Unlawful education of a minor?" I mean...what's the point of knowing all this useless trivia if I can't share it with others? I blame the school system...specifically Bush.

Oh...and speaking of douches that I loathe. Did you hear about Terrell Owens signing with the Buffalo Bills? Didn't see that one coming at all...but it's really even better than him signing with the Raiders or whoever the top runner was a few days ago when he was FIRED. Why? I can't think of anybody else more deserving to play in a frozen hellhole like Buffalo's Rich Stadium than T.O. Playing football in Buffalo is like a large funny man once said about bobsledding, "Your bones will not break. No, no, they shatter." In TO fashion though, I expect that he'll either fake something or make the team suspend him for the rest of the season about the time that the temperature drops below zero...which is usually in early to mid-November there if I remember correctly. Anyway, not my division, not my conference, so don't really care. GO EAGLES!!!

That'll do it for today. Gotta do some errands and stuff on my day off. Then there's the Duke / North Carolina basketball game on today. Still think that North Carolina's going to win the NCAA championship and that Blake Griffin will be named player or the year...as predicted the first week of the college basketball season (which seemed to be the Kiss of Death in other sports). Have a great day everybody!!!