Message to My Valentine

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last year, I kind of rambled on about how this time of year typically sucks for me…but not this year. Today, as with every other day in the world of Dr Mookie Love, it's all about you…ladies. I know that some of you have your man there…so I'm gonna let him whisper in your ear and tell you what you wanna hear…because that's what he's supposed to do. However, I also know that for whatever reason, some of you don’t have that special someone with you tonight. Maybe circumstances have you a few hundred miles apart with both of you trying to make ends meet in this damn economy. Maybe they're off protecting our way of life half a world away. Maybe you think that nobody's there for you…but in reality, they're just too damn intimidated by your beauty to make a move. I mean…what could you possibly see in him? His awkwardness? His feeble attempts at charm? You deserve some millionairre with a Spanish accent and a G5. How could I…er, he possibly compete with that? So they hang back in the shadows and admire you with occasional glances and try to get a rise out of you with cheap jokes…but believe me, they're out there…and they want you to have a happy Valentine's Day…even if they too petrified to make a move. Anyway, for whatever reason, some of you are alone tonight…and that may not be right…but it's all right…because Dr Mookie Love is here with a special message for all his Valentines out there that need a little…heating up on this cold winter's night.

Now, before I get started, let me just take care of a few things to make you feel a little more comfortable. Ah, it looks like the fondue's ready. I hope you don't mind…but I made two pots worth. One with a nice mix of white wine & Gruyere cheese for the Rosemary bread…and another with dark chocolate fondue to go with these strawberries. I was a little hungry…and this chilled Chilean pinot noir (and Jaeger for later) would match well. I know I promised you a picnic…but it seem to be gently snowing outside. No matter, I have a blanket…and we'll just put it here in front of the fireplace on the 34th floor so that we can see the snowflakes gliding about out the window…but stay nice and toasty. Okay, I don't have a fireplace. I just drew it up and taped it to the wall…but it's okay because we can still keep warm inside…and these candles smell like rain & lavendar anyway. What's what now? Oh, this CD's Nat King Cole & the Cole Porter Trio. I know, it sounds like they're right here with us…but it's just you…and me…and a little serendipity that brought us together tonight. How's the fondue? Great. Oh thanks, it's my first time making it. Well, it's not exactly something you make when you're dining alone…but I was really just waiting for a special occasion. Thanks for accepting my invitation. Where was I? Oh yeah, now that the mood's set…

I'd like to start off with a toast…to Love, Beauty, Friendship, Family…and everything else worth getting up in the morning for. (Clink, sip, swig, swallow) Mmm, that's pretty good. Thank you again for coming. We've known each other for a while now…and every day just seems better than the last. We have all of our inside jokes that make us laugh hysterically and make others stare at us with a quizzical look on their face. They just don't get it. Their loss. Every time the phone rings, I hope that it's you. Whether texting some random phrase from a movie with a smiling emoticon, where I imagine those lovely upturned lips of yours…or just checking to see how I'm doing. The ringtone has become almost as fantastic as the sound of your voice…which I'm always glad to hear, even when you're having a bad day and just need to vent. You can blow your hot steam on me any day…and I'll just be right there to spout some clever cliché or turn it into a joke somehow just to get a chuckle out of you…because that's what I'm here for…though I'd much rather give you a warm, reassuring hug and tell you that everything's going to be okay…because it is. You'll always have a Valentine in me. Basically, you're pretty much stuck with me. You don't seem to mind though. Even when I'm hundreds…maybe even thousands of miles away and taking pictures of pandas and signs with double entendres, I'm just a phone call away…and there's nothing that I want more than to make your day…because when I know you're thinking of me, that just made mine. Happy Valentine's Day. (Another toast…possibly followed by a hug…when some sweet mackin' on a blanket...and a little fondue foreplay…sorry, too much?)

Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you out there for your support over the past few years…and making me feel like the luckiest guy in the world…who wasn't the drummer for the Beatles. I hope that you're all having a wonderful Valentine's Weekend with loved ones…but if you get bored or something, you know where to find me…and seeing as it's Valentine's, you know I ain't got sh*t to do. (Sigh…) Have a great day, all my lovely Valentines!!!