Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Lemonade Award

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First off, I'd like to congratulate Lilie and her longtime boyfriend on finally & officially becoming engaged. I wish them nothing but the best…and I hope that they can work out living in the same state again soon (damned economy!!!). Ah, to be in Love. Wouldn't it be nice? (Stares off into his own imagination for a few moments…as a tear runs down his cheek) Congratulations again to both of you!!!

Enough of that lubby dubby stuff, back to me. Jlee bestowed yet another award on me…because she rocks…and apparently has great taste. See, there's apparently this Lemonade Award which is given to sites that show a great attitude and/or gratitude…and allegedly, I am worthy of such a virtual honor. Awesome!!! Well, there's some rules with this award (like touring after you win American Idol and hanging out with sick kids when you win Miss America) so here they are…

Rules for the award:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs, which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Nominate your favorites and link to this post.

Well, in addition to the bloggers that I've already given the Arte y Pico Award to six months ago (and have already rambled on about) by B's Microsuede, the bubblier Bone Junior, BSUWG (now Boldly Serving Up Wheat Grass), Lis & D (and Croz), and Mediocre Gatsby (sorry about the berries, dude) here are TEN MORE wonderful bloggers that I enjoy reading and I am grateful for them…in no particular order except alphabetical...

Amber Colored Life - This is just one funny chick from the Great White North (okay, Minnesota…but still). Full of her random thoughts and basically just a great perky perspective of Love, Life & things that just make you happy.

Doc - His blog is about Beer…and so much more. Hilarious cartoons, love letters to his wife, stories from his well of experience and just overall craziness. I always look forward to when I get comments from this guy…because you can tell that he just "gets it." Check his site out…and tell him that Dr Love sent ya.

JL Clyde - Never before have I met a girl that loves American football so much. She just won't stop talking about it…except maybe to read about it…or serve her community service hours by hanging out with schizophrenics in Colorado. As for her blog, it's always full of poetry, book reviews, pictures and zany observations. Did I mention that she loves football? Because she really does.

Lilie - Congratulations again on your engagement, Lilie!!! A newcomer to the blogosphere, she chronicles her adventures in the new land of California and always makes sure to mention a funny thing that happened to her each day and something that she's thankful for. Everybody should take a moment in their day to reflect on stuff like that…especially when you're stressed out.

Mad Scientist - Also a HUGE fan of the football. He's also a movie geek, photography geek, physics/engineering geek, music geek, cartoon geek and is also one of the few lucky people who can keep up with my obscure references and wise-ass sense of humor. He's brilliant and can deconstruct a movie like a professional critic or a master of the arts…but isn't afraid to throw in a fart joke to make his point. Can't wait until he & From Russia With Love come to visit In Colorado With Dr Love.

Mitchieville - The Mayor & citizens of Mitchieville also like to bring up random thoughts and news clippings from around the world…with their own little twist. The motto of the blog is "Think Globally, Act Locally, and Demand Handouts." What more need I say?

Pirate Monkey - A hot chick that has a blog about scary & awesomely bad movies and titled her personal one after Pirates & Monkeys. Always full of wit, entertainment and ask her the story about the Turkish Brothel.

Ruben auf Deutsch - Whenever I want to brush up on my German, I'll try to translate this blog…and see the world from the point of view of another great man over two meters tall…but can definitely hold his alcohol better than I can. By the way, did you know this guy's bigger than I am…and drives a smart car? And no, he doesn't play basketball.

TAN - The Assimilated Negro always has a fresh conspiracy theory and checks out popular culture from his own distinct point of view. Still a huge fan of his post "Six Asses That Changed America" back when I first became a blogger.

Vollman - One funny Canuck with yet another askew perspective on life. I often wonder if half of the conversations that he talks about really occurred or not…but then I remember, you know, if I had a weaker frontal lobe, I'd probably have a lot of conversations like this. Kudos to having the sheer BALLS to be Vollman good sir. Kudos.

So yeah, if you're looking for a little happiness in these troubling times, I'd personally recommend checking out these blogs. They're good peeps…and they're fairly consistently updated. Thanks to all of you for actually reading this blog too. I'm always glad when I hear that this makes somebody's day a little better. Whether making you laugh out loud (or preferably long & hard) or just making you smile…and maybe even think a little bit. Though I'm reminded of the lyrics of one of the greatest songs of all time - "I don't want clever conversation, don’t want to work that hard. I just want some…someone to talk to. I want you just the way you are." (Saxophone solo) Now for some intriguing and mind-blowingly deep news stories…

Teenage Mutant Injured Turtle - A Japanese conservation group said Monday it plans to fit prosthetic front limbs to a sea turtle injured in what marine scientists believe was a shark attack (not turtle fin soup). "We need to pay special attention as the forelimbs will have to be strong enough to (allow her) to climb up a beach," Erika Akai, a researcher at the non-profit Sea Turtle Association of Japan, told AFP. "She should eventually be able to lay eggs on a beach." The injured loggerhead sea turtle, with a 30-inch long shell, was named Yu ("Hey Yu!") after being rescued off southwestern Japan following a suspected shark attack last summer. "Since we cannot release her like this, because her swimming capability is only at 60 percent of that of a healthy turtle, we decided to make prosthetic fins for her," said Akai, adding that the project would start in May. The association has set up a fund and asked Japan's largest prosthetic limb maker in western Osaka prefecture to make the artificial fins. "We are fully aware that it will be a difficult challenge," said a spokeswoman for the company, Kawamura Gishi Co. "But we were moved by the passion of the association and decided to take part in the project." However, you have to take into account that the prosthetic limbs would give the turtle an unfair advantage. It's not like using an aerodynamic Speedo or a certain kind of wax, just imagine how fast Michael Phelps would be if he had a set of flippers on (and wasn't stoned all the time). With this unfair advantage, the whole loggerhead record book would have to have some kind of asterisk…and it would be shameful to the sport of babymaking. Okay, so maybe I'm just blowing smoke and causing unnecessary controversy (in an effort to get my own pundit show on Fox) but if you're going to give the turtle prosthetic limbs to get its swimming capability to 100%, then why not just go for 200%. Oh yeah, maybe more. Put some new aerodynamic rudders on those front flippers and strap a turbine engine on that shell. Or better yet, a combination like the engine…and those rudders have little climbing axes or shovels or something so that she can climb that beach like no other, dig a nice warm hole, drop her load and scoot on back into the ocean…and make it to the mystical land of Barbados (still think Rihanna's a robot) by morning. I'm just saying…and they'd come in handy if another shark attacked her too. Come on scientists, do your thing. It could be somebody's thesis project. No need to thank me, just pay it forward.

Flying Gizi - I know. Just the title alone sucks you in. "Flying what-now? Gi-zi? Ji-zy? Guy-zee?" A notorious 83-year-old Hungarian thief with a criminal record dating back six decades, was caught by police on Thursday at the scene of a break-in. Kosztor Sandorne, dubbed "Flying Gizi" by Hungarian media, was arrested after she entered a house in Komarom, a town in the northwest. Sandorne, who earned her nickname because she liked to flee her crime scenes by taking commercial flights (of course!), said she was in the house because she was trying to save money (ballsy). "At her hearing she said she wanted to find a cheaper lodging than in Budapest, where it is too expensive," a police spokeswoman told Reuters. "Flying Gizi" has been convicted more than 20 times and first came to the attention of the police in the 1950s. Her preferred method of travel is now rail rather than air, since train travel is free for pensioners in Hungary (No paper trail? Brilliant!!!). She was already under investigation for an alleged theft in Szentendre, a town near Budapest, before her latest detention. The owner of the house in Komarom has not yet decided whether to press charges. Why? Probably because the reaction is something like "THIS lady broke into my house. What is she, like a hundred? I wasn't using it. I mean…as long as she's not sh*tting on my rug or something, why not? Wait, you want to put her in jail? Dude!!! That's messed up. She's just…so old." The only thing that I don't get…is why is she called the Flying Gizi? Her name is Kosztor (which I'm assuming is only properly pronounced in Klingon). Maybe it's something in translation…but the only thing that I could find is that Gizi is the name of a neighborhood in Athens. That just confuses it more…like finding out that Batman is a city in Turkey. Anyway, glad another criminal is off the streets…or whatever the Hungarian equivalent is. Path or rut or whatever.

Local News - A jeweler from Kansas was robbed of about $300,000 in gems by armed men wearing ski masks outside a local Starbucks, police said. The armed robbery happened at about 8:30 a.m. today in a strip-mall parking lot near the intersection of Lincoln Avenue and South Parker Road, said Elise Penington, a Parker police spokeswoman. The jeweler, a 64-year-old man from Kansas, stopped at a Starbucks for a beverage, and when he went back to his vehicle, he was held up by three masked men, one brandishing a gun. The victim, who is in the Denver area on business, went back into the coffee shop after the robbery, and police were called. The robbers got away with three "tubs" of stones (holy crap, do you have any idea how many stones you can fit in a tub?) and the victim's briefcase, which was packed with a gun (hmm, that was thinking ahead). The victim was not harmed, and the robbers fled. They remain at large. Police did not have detailed descriptions on the robbers or a vehicle they may have fled in (but I'm sure the stones were healthily insured). Anyone with information on the incident is asked to call the Parker, Colorado police at 303-841-9800. Or if you want a belated Valentine's present, you can call my cell phone and let me know where I can get a few stones at bargain basement prices. I just never would've thought that a jewelry heist would happen at a Starbucks. Then again, a few months ago I never thought that the black market purchase of Hitler's Bookmark would happen either…but it did. Still waiting for the topless baristas though. Starbucks is apparently the new hot bed for criminal activity apparently. Can't wait for the next Bond flick. Exterior: Starbucks in Rome. Bond walks up to the counter and orders, "Venti iced caramel macchiato with an extra shot of caramel…shaken, not stirred." "Mamma mia. Ugh scusi…how many did you want?" HAHA!!! It's a bad Italian joke, see? Cuz venti means "twenty" in Italian or Fritalian or whatever language, right? And he's in Rome…in Italy…where they may or may not have Starbucks. Okay, any joke involving this much explanation probably shouldn't have been told. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to the African-American Market before it closes.

Well, that'll do it for today. Remember to check out those blogs. You won't regret it. In fact, pretty much any on the right taskbar are a good bet. That's why they're there. T-minus two days until I'm in New Orleans…and Filly is super excited about me coming to crash on her couch…and her new roommate will just have to deal with it. To be perfect honest though, I don't plan on sleeping too much. Maybe a mid-day nap between parades. I'm not used to seeing the sun this time of year anyway…so it'll work out nice. I've promised the ladies that I work with that I'd bring them back some beads…but we'll see if HR is brought into the equation when I give them out. "Okay ladies, you know what to do…WOOOOHOOOO!!!" I mean…giving out beads without frontal nudity is like…giving out Christmas presents…without frontal nudity. It's just not right. Have a great day everybody!!!

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