There Is Only One Batman in the World

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night after work, I wanted to try out one of the classes that the fitness center had to offer…so I looked at the list. The first one offered was Hot Yoga (isn't it all?) which was described as a standard yoga class…but in a room set at 105 degrees to get your sweat going and really have it seep out of ya. Seeing as this would be my first yoga class, standard temperature might have been a stretch…and I prefer my tub at about that temperature. So I kept looking…and there was a Spinning class. Now, I had heard of Spinning…but honestly had no idea what it was. I pictured a lot of hot girls doing ballerina-type stuff with twists and twirls…or even something rather indecent with a washing machine…and it was sadly neither. For those who don't know, Spinning is basically Bicycling. Now I haven't ridden a bike since I was able to drive…and even before then, I was no Lance Armstrong…but I figured, why not? Let's go for it. I was one of two guys in the class and after about an hour of varying difficulties, positions, intensities, speeds, it pretty much kicked my ass…but in a good way. Granted I looked like a grown-up riding a tricycle the whole time, I did pretty good…and there were a few times when I thought that I'd stop…but then who came to save me? Sorry, I worded that wrong, but then The Who came to save me. The music mix kicked on "Baba O'Riley" with about twenty minutes to go…followed by "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey…and from there, it was okay. Gotta get my iPod loaded up again so I have a mix ready to go for that stuff. After that, I did some more upper body work on the machines, hit the hot tub, and then went home. Good day at the gym…and I only had a few sore muscles in my…biker shorts region this morning…but I've been stretching them out and they're doing okay now. Tonight - Cardio Chisel. I have no idea what it is…but it sounds like a great way to work on my cardio…and chisel this marbleized Greek god body of mine. I'll let you know.

After that, I went back home and cooked me up some rice and veggies. I've been trying to cook more and eat better…and my stomach seems a little confused. I've noticed that at work, it gurgles a lot…and I'm sure that it bugs Nikki…but she's a good sport about it. I think my stomach's just not used to all the fresh fruits and vegetables and it's basically asking, "Yo, where's the bacon, Holmes? What's this? An apple? You're not turning fruity on me, are ya?" I'm sure that I'll adjust with time…but anyway, trying to cook more. I also kicked back, played some video games, and listened to Nat King Cole. I really enjoy Nat's music. It's simple, sweet, and heartfelt…and the voice is amazing. It seems just about every song has a story that I kind of personalize with…and memories of love gone by, past infatuations, current friendships, and just fun little ditties abound when I'm listening to that greatest hits CD. There's even a few songs that remind me of my futile attempts to learn different languages to pick up girls. Truly a great mix. Sorry, not much else going on…so I'm sharing my thoughts on music with you…and now the news…

Batman Update - The mayor of Batman, a small oil-producing town in Turkey, has filed suit against The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros., the studio behind the record-shattering blockbuster, looking for a cut in the film's royalties in exchange for using the city's name without permission. "There is only one Batman in the world," Mayor Huseyin Kalkan said, per Variety. "The American producers used the name of our city without informing us." In addition to the name share, Kalkan claims the emotional distress that apparently comes from having one of the most indelible superheroes share a moniker with your town has led to several unsolved murders and a high suicide rate (wait, run that by me again). A WB representative, meanwhile, says the studio has seen reports of the legal action in the media but have yet to receive any court papers. One question that comes up…is where has this town been for the last 70 years? I mean…are they just getting Batman there in Turkey since they became a member of the European Union? So let me get this straight now…there's a town called Batman and an island full of Lesbians? What's next? The Republic of Bacon? A peaceful Swiss mountain village named Funkytown? A quaint Danish town called Seksbott? I'm going to have to start googling to see what else I'm missing out there. Oh yeah…and this Turk isn't getting a dime. I'm sure that Warner Brothers is googling like made trying to find out if this town really exists or not for a preemptive legal strike, maybe get some of that Big Oil money. Anyway, here's some information about that Turkish city of Batman.

Batman is the provincial capital of the Batman province located in southeastern Turkey and is located on the Batman River (yes, it's a province and river too…and an airport). There are about a quarter-million inhabitants (Batmen? Batwomen? Batmaniacs?) and until the 1950s, Batman was a small village. When oil companies moved in and the city's economy started to grow, population figures began to rise. Many Turkish workers and state officials settled in the city. Presently the population of Batman faces a high level of unemployment. The history of the province reaches back to antiquity, and the land saw numerous dynasties throughout its long history. Experiencing Arab invasion around 700 AD, Batman was later dominated by Seljuks first and then by the Mongolians. It was annexed by the Ottoman Empire in 1514 after being under the influence of the Akkoyunlu and the Safevid throughout the 15th century. In the early years of the Republic, Batman was attached to the province of Siirt and known as "Iluh". It first became a district in 1957, changing its name to Batman (case closed), and then a province centre in 1990. Once a part of the province of Siirt, the district was especially eminent during the time of Abbasid Caliphate. Have you stopped reading yet? Just checking. So yeah, there's a Batman airport…and I'm assuming a Batman Police Department. How cool would that be to have on a badge?

The Karate Kid Meets the Fresh Prince - One of the greatest movies ever made is apparently being remade. A year after Will Smith and his publicist shot down reports that the erstwhile Fresh Prince was working on a remake of Karate Kid starring son Jaden, the project is now a go. According to Variety, Columbia Pictures is waxing on for a remake of the 1984 classic, reworking it as a star vehicle for Jaden Smith, Will and Jada's 10-year-old progeny and his father's costar in The Pursuit of Happyness. So as not to anger too many dojo loyalists (COBRA KAI), the new film will follow the formula of bullied youth meets eccentric mentor. Jaden has even already been schooled in martial arts. The elder Smith is not expected to appear in the film, but will produce. Chris Murphy, the scribe of the original franchise, is writing the new take, which will film in Beijing next year. The mentor role has yet to be cast. Pat Morita, who played sensei Mr. Miyagi to Ralph Macchio and, lest we forget, Hilary Swank in the original films, died in 2005. I would suggest Samuel L. Jackson…but he's already doing Sho'Nuff…and he's not exactly the kind of guy who'd pick flies out of the air with chopsticks. He seems like a Raid kind of guy. Maybe Jackie Chan would do it…or even better, Sammo Hong or Sonny Chiba. Any other suggestions out there. I like the Sammo angle because…well, he's a little on the chunky side…but can still kick it…and he needs the work. Not sure what he's been up to since Martial Law. Anyway, don't screw this up!!! Damn it, now I've got that Vince DiCola song stuck in my head again. "YOU'RE THE BEST…AROUUUUND!!! NO ONE'S GONNA EVER KEEP YA DOWN!!!"

Do It For Your Species - This story of survival comes from Quito, Ecuador. After stunning conservationists by mating for the first time in decades, a giant tortoise from the Galapagos islands called Lonesome George, who is the last of his kind, still may not become a dad. George, a 90-year-old conservation marvel and one of the world's rarest creatures, mated this year with two females (ah yeah) but 80 percent of the eggs they laid appear infertile. The females belong to a different subspecies of giant tortoise. A Pinta Island tortoise (not to be confused with the Nina or Santa Maria Island varieties), George had showed little interest in sex during 36 years in captivity. Not exactly sure how a turtle shows interest…maybe extending his neck out really far? Bobbing his head up and down and all around? Anyway, his new-found libido has raised hopes he could save his subspecies from extinction. Ecuadorian scientists are studying the eggs and have not ruled out that George could be sterile (GASP!!!). "We are puzzled. We will leave the eggs in the incubators and try to find answers," said Washington Tapia, a park official in charge of George's reproduction program (still think your job sucks?). "It's too early to say if George is infertile, only genetic research could tell us that."

However, hope is not lost. Scientists said 20 percent of the remaining eggs could still produce offspring. George's keepers placed his eggs in incubators decorated with religious images in hopes of a miracle. Scientists are also searching for distant relatives in a nearby island, hoping to find another male for mating (ugh…scientist, two dudes ain't gonna work). Variations in tortoises from different islands were among the features of the Galapagos that helped Charles Darwin formulate his theory of evolution in the 19th century. Since then, tortoises have been hunted by pirates and sailors for their meat and their habitat has been eaten away by goats introduced onto the islands…who were then eaten by Komodo Dragons, I assume. George was the last tortoise found on Pinta in 1971. Ecuador has declared the islands at risk and the United Nations says efforts to protect them should continue. Some 20,000 giant tortoises still live on the islands. After trying almost everything from artificial insemination to having George watch younger males mate (awkward), his keepers had nearly lost hope. At 90 years old George is in his sexual prime (oh to be a lecherous old tortoise when I grow up) and his low libido even raised tabloid-like rumors the 198 pounds (90 kilograms) creature preferred other males. Anyway, good luck with your seed, Lonesome George. At least you have a great last-ditch effort pickup line of "If not for me…do it for the species." Hopefully this won't cause the Pinta Island Tortoise species to be wiped from the face of the Earth…but then again, that may just be Mr. Tapia's job after George's encounters. Hahaha, come on!!! It was a love stain joke!!! Go ahead and laugh. It's okay.

Anyway, enough of my antics for the day. Cardio Chisel tonight…and hopefully I'll be able to make it the whole time. Feeling much better now that I'm working out. May have to make this an everyday thing right after work. Even on "recovery days" just head over and shoot some hoops or something…or take a dip in the pool or hot tub. Gotta get it to be part of my routine…or I'll just get lazy. Anyway, so far so good. Have a great day everybody!!!