Eagles Quit?

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,


Let's see, where to start? Let's start off with something cool. My mom will be coming to town in two days…and I'm super excited about it. How excited? My nipples could cut glass. That's how excited. Okay, maybe that's a stretch…but still, they could put a pretty mean scratch on a wood tabletop, I’m sure. Also, yesterday at the gym (that's right, I went) I was shooting hoops…and along came a former NBA All-Star (sorry, can't tell you who) and a trainer practicing hook shots near the rim and stuff for about…fifteen minutes. Then I had a ballsy moment and asked, "Hey, do you want somebody to post up against to practice shooting over somebody?" "Sure, if you want, man." So he practiced some hook shots over me and after a few, I gave him some pointers. That's right, the balls I must have had to give pointers to a former NBA All-Star. I was impressive, I gave the pointers, they gave counter arguments, I gave my evidence as to why it would work, he practiced a few, my wisdom was passed along. I did the same thing when he was shooting mid-range jumpers over me. Stuff like "Don't leave your feet. You can still use your legs to get the shot off…but if you don't leave your feet and the defender jumps up to block, then you can just pump fake and go around them…or just hesitate and shoot again while they're in the air, maybe drawing a foul too. It's easier on the knees anyway." So yeah, I was being a pseudo-trainer…and the surprising thing was…they actually seemed to be paying attention and heading my advice. I guess we'll see the next time he's in a game or something…but still, it was pretty cool.



Happy birthday to my buddy Isaihia, who got married recently…and appropriately so, I haven't seen or heard from him since. Sure, you can say that it's my fault since I left the state…or his fault because he wanted to have a honeymoon and spend time with his wife. Regardless, I'm giving him a call later today. He's been my buddy since 2nd grade…so for about twenty years now. Not much has changed. We're both just bigger and just as childish. Anyway, happy birthday bro!!! Here's the news…



What the F**K? - Okay, so I know that Bone Junior feels my pain on this one…but what the f**k is going on with the Philadelphia Eagles? Does the Fountain of Suck flow into the Susquehanna now? As you may or may not care, the past few weeks have involved the Eagles TYING with the Bengals, one of the worst teams in football…and then yesterday, against one of the stingier defenses in the league, they went into halftime down 10-7. Not too bad, right? Well, apparently Coach Andy Reid (who's been there for over a decade) decided to bench quarterback Donovan McNabb because…well, he could…and replace him with the backup Kevin Kolb. The result, Kevin did throw a few touchdown passes…but maybe next game he'll throw them to people in Eagles jerseys…so they lost 36-7. Now everybody's saying that McNabb's getting kicked out of town, maybe Coach Reid too, and they have to play…I can't believe I'm saying this…one of the best teams in the NFC, the Arizona Cardinals in three days…and they have no idea who's going to start at quarterback. Coach Reid of course said that he's been thinking about benching McNabb for weeks now…but of course you're going to say that NOW. It's not like he can come out and say, "You know what? F**k you guys. I'm the coach, I made a decision, and hindsight is 20/20. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna have me a cheesesteak and some Tasty Claires and go to sleep in my mansion and start again tomorrow. If you have any other questions, please directly them to that brick wall over there. Suckiteasy." Then again, he's supposed to have a press conference here in a bit to clarify. There's still hope for a response like that yet. Oh…and I don't even want to get into the BCS, so we're just gonna stop talking about football for a minute and go a little dirty nerdy...



iPhone Sex, Just Don't Speak - A new voice-recognition search tool for the iPhone has problems understanding British accents (join the club) leading to some bizarre answers to spoken queries, a newspaper report and users said Wednesday. The free application, which allows iPhone owners to use the Google search engine with their voice, mistook the word "iPhone" variously for "sex," "Einstein" and "kitchen sink," said the Daily Telegraph. Comments left by users on the application's website seemed to confirm the problem. "Awesome job Google. only problem is every time I say the word 'fish' it registers as 'sex'," wrote one, identified as Kevin. A video demonstration of the Google Mobile App on the online giant's website shows an American engineer successfully asking for pictures of the Golden Gate as well as cinema timetables and temperature conversions. The website also includes a link to a video showing people with Irish, British and Chinese accents asking for relatively complicated searches, with apparent success. But British iPhone owners had less luck when speaking the word "iPhone" into the application. A Scottish user was offered a porn website after it mistook his search for "sex," the Telegraph reported. A user from Surrey, south of London, had his request mistaken for "myspace" and "Einstein" was another option offered for "iPhone" spoken with a Kent accent, it said. The only British accent which correctly understood the request was for a user from Yorkshire, northern England, although he was also offered "bonfire." A Welsh accent gave the suggestions "gorillas" and "kitchen sink." Okay, so this really doesn't have much to do with iPhone Sex…but apparently it easily could be. Again, technology tries to make things simpler…and it really doesn't pull it off. Like those damn automated customer service lines where you almost want to say "Bomb" just so that you'll get a live person on the phone…though they may be from Homeland Security. At least you may understand the accent on your cell phone.



Teenagers Learn Important Social Skills Online - God help us all!!! According to a study released last week, parents may disapprove of the amount of time their teenagers spend online but they are actually learning important social and technical skills. "There are myths about kids spending time online -- that it is dangerous or making them lazy," said Ito, a researcher at the University of California, Irvine. "But we found that spending time online is essential for young people to pick up the social and technical skills they need to be competent citizens in the digital age." For the study, described as the most extensive ever conducted in the United States on teens and their use of digital media, researchers from the University of Southern California and the University of California, Berkeley, interviewed more than 800 young people and their parents over three years. They also spent more than 5,000 hours observing teens on sites such as MySpace, Facebook and YouTube…but not in the "To Catch A Predator" kind of way, I'm sure. "America's youth are developing important social and technical skills online -- often in ways adults do not understand or value. There is a generation gap in how youth and adults view the value of online activity. Adults tend to be in the dark about what youth are doing online, and often view online activity as risky or an unproductive distraction," it said, while "youth understand the social value of online activity." The study found that teenagers "are navigating complex social and technical worlds by participating online" and "learning basic social and technical skills that they need to fully participate in contemporary society." Now, that may be true…but it still scares me a bit. Now, I may have a blog and an email address…and I probably say "Google that sh*t" more than I say "Your Mom" but the internet's a kind of creepy place…and I don't want the youth learning their social skills there. The instant that some guy walks up and asks if I want a bigger penis, he's gonna get decked. If some guy comes up offering me a substantial amount of cash for helping him cash a check…all I need to do is give him all of my information, he's getting the finger…and possibly a kick in the balls for wasting my time. "Hey, did you hear the joke about the Voodoo Dildo?" "Yes, I did…three times today. Thank you." "Oh okay, do you want to know what my favorite color is?" "Hmm, not really…but I probably would reply with my favorite color if you told me." Not sure I want that kind of social interaction…but online, it's okay…for the most part…because I can just turn it off.



Anyway, that'll do it for me. I hope that you all enjoyed watching "Twilight" this weekend. Oh...and I do have another cool thing that actually happened this morning. I have my first real business cards now. They have my name, position (King Pimp), contact info, and even a cool logo with a tiger or something. It's pretty f**king awesome. Now I'm ready to hit the club scene and impress with my business cards...like Patrick Bateman. "Don't just stare at it, eat it." Anyway, have a great day everybody...and if I don't see you before then…have a great Turkey Day and be Thankful. Peace!!!