Tuesday, November 4, 2008

She Sure Knows How to Rig An Erection

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The past few days have been pretty standard…but also very cool. I got to hear a lot of stories about the crazy Halloween adventures of new coworkers (with accompanying pictures), Bubbles, JL Clyde, Filly, Lilie's (happy birthday to her by the way) journey to find an affordable home in Cali, the family…and even a few friends that I haven't heard from in a while. Remember Boorappa? We usually check in with each other every few months to see how it's going and he's still going to school to become a doctor and enjoying being married to an Italian (lucky SOB). Then there was a really odd one, a friend from high school that I hadn't heard from in over eight years, Homer. We were best buddies in high school and even for about a year or so when I moved an hour's drive away to go to college…but then we just kind of grew apart (and he got married). Anyway, thanks to Facebook, we've caught up a little bit…and his first question was "What the hell are you doing in Denver?" So I explained it to him. Ah technology, bringing people together…and back together, I guess. I also toured another nearby competitor this morning...but no flirting on this one...and I'm wearing a manly lavender shirt with my suit today. I'll wait for a minute for you ladies to fan yourselves as you've obviously come down with a case of the vapors after that last remark. There we are. I topped it off with a Slurpurita Pomegranate slurpee on the walk back to work...because there are 7-Elevens on every other corner here in Denver too (and the Coke flavor was out). Anyway, here's some news…


Billups Coming to Denver - Okay, so remember just over three months ago when I visited Denver…and met Olympic-caliber basketball player Chauncey Billups at the Ritz-Carlton? Well, apparently he's coming to stay and play for the Nuggets now. The Colorado Native and former Buff & Nugget was traded from the Detroit Pistons in exchange for Allen Iverson a.k.a. AI a.k.a. The Answer a.k.a. Didn't want to be in Denver on a mediocre team. The trade works out well for both teams. Denver gets Billups, an All-Star point guard with amazing skills to complement Carmelo and the other players…along with some frontcourt help with trade additions Antonio McDyess (who's apparently going to try to b**ch out of the trade) and Cheikh Samb (who I don't even know this guy but apparently he has a professional career that has a total of less than eight minutes…but he's tall and from Senegal). Detroit gets Iverson who can score (3rd in the league last year) and has a lot of big market potential…because the kids just love him because he plays hard despite being a little guy…and he's got street cred. What does this all mean? Who knows? I'm just glad that Denver may be a real team this year instead of a bunch of ballhogs…since I kind of have to root for them now…except for when they play the Spurs.


The Opposite of Cold Feet - The next few stories take place in the mysterious continent of Asia, where some of the oldest civilizations were born, and still leading producer of crazy sh*t. This first one is from Japan, where a man set fire to the hotel where he was due to get married that weekend, rather than go through with the ceremony later the same day. Tatsuhiko Kawata, 39, had gone along with wedding plans despite already having a wife, the Yomiuri newspaper said. "I thought if I set a fire I wouldn't have to go through with the wedding," the Yomiuri quoted him as telling police. Guests at the hotel were evacuated and no one was injured when he set the fire in the early hours of Sunday morning at the resort hotel in Yamanashi Prefecture, west of Tokyo. Kawata and his fiancĂ©e had been set to get married before 80 guests. He was arrested after suddenly cancelling the event and behaving suspiciously. Wait, he already had a wife? And he was going for number two? I wonder how the first wife took the news. Hmm, I wonder if in Japan instead of having a Shotgun wedding when you impregnate a daughter…if they have a Shogun wedding, with samurai swords and elaborate outfits. That'd be sweet. Anyway, nothing to do with this story. This guy should be put away for a long time…not just because he's an idiot…but mostly because he put other people in danger because of his stupid ass. I don't know, maybe he has some kind of memory thing where he just forgot that he was already married or something. I'm curious what his side of the story is…but once he set a hotel on fire, well you know how the fire drills are over in that part of the world, right? It's just dangerous. Lock him up, officer-son.


Vietnamese Drivers - Faced with mounting public criticism, Vietnam's Health Ministry suspended a widely ridiculed plan to ban short, thin and small-chested drivers. The ministry had recommended that people whose chests measure less than 28 inches be prohibited from driving motorbikes — as well as those who are too short (less than 4-foot-8) or too thin (less than 88 pounds). When the media revealed the plan this week, it prompted disbelief and scorn among members of the public, who envisioned the police pulling over female drivers to measure their breasts. Thursday's state-run Tuoi Tre newspaper quoted ministry official Nguyen Huy Quang as saying the proposal would be suspended. Okay, now let's see it from the ministry's side. The chest thing, kind of goes hand in hand with the too thin thing, where they don't want delicate flowers driving motorcycles through those streets. I mean…have you SEEN what intersections are like there? It's amazing…and dangerous…like a first-generation sexbot. Sorry, had to throw that in there. Honestly, my dad drives motorcycles…and he's a big dude…and he has plenty of scars and injuries on his rap sheet to show that that's dangerous stuff. Now the too short thing, I've been in many a situation where the driver of the vehicle is barely able to see over the steering wheel. I worked at a grocery store for a few years…and was hit by many a car, usually driven by old ladies and preteens (in Mustangs or Ford trucks) who couldn't see a damn-near-seven-foot-tall man pushing a row of shopping carts (or hear them) directly in front of their car. That was in a parking lot…which the streets of Hanoi appear to be a little busier than that. I don't know, maybe it's not a bad idea…but because today's election day, you decide. Cast your vote!!! Should short, skinny, small-breasted Vietnamese be allowed to drive? You make the call America. I'm still picturing the officers measuring the female drivers…which really wouldn't happen…but at least I know people half way around the globe still think like me on occasion. It's reassuring.


Is THIS A Bad Law? - South Korea's highest court upheld a decades-old adultery law Thursday that can send people to jail for having an extramarital affair that critics say is anachronistic and infringes on personal freedom. The fourth appeal made to the Constitutional Court since 1989 was brought by the lawyers for a popular actress Ok So-Ri (real name Ok Bo-Kyung) who was charged under the law when her TV personality husband Park Chul filed a criminal complaint against her for having an affair with an opera singer. "The legal clause does limit an individual's right to sexual freedom and the right to privacy, but does not violate the principle of forbidding excessive measure," the court said in an opinion overturning the appeal. "This society's legal perception that adultery is damaging to the social order and infringes on another's right continues to be effective," the court said. The man and wife entered messy divorce proceedings with both holding separate news conferences where they exposed embarrassing details of a troubled marriage. Ok admitted to the affair in a tearful confession which also included accusations of Park as an inadequate husband. "The adultery law ... has degenerated into a means of revenge by the spouse, rather than a means of saving a marriage," Ok's petition had said.


The law was enacted in 1953 to protect women. In this male-dominated society, women had little recourse against a husband who had an affair. Back then, if a wife walked out of a marriage, she would often end up alone and penniless. Today, it is rare for people to be jailed but that has not stopped several thousand angry spouses from filing criminal complaints each year. Critics have said a better compromise might be to allow spouses just to sue for compensation in civil court. "The decision seems to represent a still prevalent idea that the adultery law serves as a buffer against family breakdown, a point that hasn't even been proven," said Lee Hye-kyung of the Minwoo women's rights group. "The law is problematic in that it focuses only on the technical aspects of sexual intercourse and allows the government to intrude on the most private part of adult sexual life." The number of divorces in South Korea has almost doubled since 1995. In 2005, about 128,500 couples divorced in the country of almost 49 million people (long way to go to catch up with the United States). Although women still face difficulty finding high-paying jobs or achieving wage parity with men, more women have been able to enter the labor force over the past decade and live independently on their wages. The court did recognize that the decision reflected a more varied view by the nine-judge panel, which was sharply divided on whether the law still adequately served its original purpose, unlike the court's earlier relatively straightforward decisions. Now you decide. Should Adulterers be jailed? Personally, I say yes. I think adultery is morally wrong. Marriage is still a sacred thing to me (though great fodder for stand-up routines). Then again, I may be a little biased because my parent's marriage fell apart for a multitude of reasons including that. I'm not the kind of Quaker who's going to brand an A on somebody for slipping up…but I do believe in the sanctity of marriage. I guess my main point is…don't marry just to be married. You have to commit to that stuff…or spend some time in the slammer. Anyway, it doesn't matter what I think. I'm one man with one vote…and it's an important vote…but this is a democracy and the people decide. So what say you? Are you a Seoul Man (or Woman) and think that people should be jailed for being hussies and man-whores (at least while married)? Or do you believe in a person's freedom to see and do whatever and whoever they want? Rock the Vote!!!


Well, that'll do it for today's Election Day edition of the Eclectic Eccentric - Pimpin' on the Ritz (or whatever I'm calling this thing now) as well as our journey through Asia. That being said, tomorrow, if I have nothing better to do, I may take you on another mystical journey through the Orient…complete with pictures of my journey through China…at least a few of them, I have THOUSANDS of pictures and about five hours of video. I'll share some of the better ones with ya though. In the meantime, have a great day everybody…and get out there and vote!!! Make your voice heard!!!

No comments:

Where Should I Go Next?