Adventures in Babysitting: Vegas

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's been a few days since my last report...but I've been in Las Vegas...and though I'm gonna warn you ahead of time that there's no tales of debauchery or wild parties or drunken adventures, so if you're looking for that, I'm afraid that I'll have to disappoint you. There's actually not even any accompanying pictures to go along with it. Sadly I have to start off by saying that two legends passed away over the weekend with comedian Bernie Mac and the great musician Isaac Hayes moving on to the next gig in the sky. Odd thing is that both men star in the upcoming movie "Soul Men" with Samuel L. Jackson and directed by Malcolm D. Lee ("Undercover Brother"). In the November flick, Mac and Jackson star as soul singers who agree to reunite and perform at a tribute for their recently deceased band leader after being estranged for a couple of decades...with Hayes playing himself, of course. Life is an amazing and mysterious thing. Be sure to treasure every moment with those that you care about.

Let's see, Wednesday was good news because my manager certification has finally been given a date. After that, nothing much really happened other than housesitting for my dad while he was in Sturgis (probably having the time of his life). After that, I went to the airport. While waiting for my plane, there was a few dozen Chinese students in a tour group chatting away. Some of the girls were glancing at me and giggling from afar. Not sure what that means...but it was probably my Dee's Nuts shirt...or not. It might have been lost in translation. I did try to start a conversation with a guy, maybe seventeen or so, that sat next to me...with my one semester of Mandarin that I took almost three years ago. It didn't last very long...actually like two exchanges. "Ni hao." "Ni hao. Ni hao ma?" "Wo hen hao xie xie. Ni na?" "Wo hen hao. (Mandarin I don't know)" "Sorry, that's all I've got for Mandarin." "(Blank stare)" So I felt a little better knowing that I knew a little more Mandarin than he knew English. Oh...and in case you were wondering that exchange means, "Hello." "Hello, how are you?" "I am good, thank you. And yourself?" "I am good, purple monkey dishwasher..."

The flight arrived a little late...but it didn't matter...because we had to sit on the tarmac for about an hour too because, get this, they told us over the intercom that they were having trouble starting one of the engines. Why would you tell us that? I'm not afraid of flying or anything...but there was a 7-year old brat in the seat behind me who wouldn't shut up about it. "Did you hear that? We're going to get up in the air and crash? The plane's gonna go woo, woo, kerplooosh, AAAAAH!!!" By the way, he wasn't being a dick and trying to scare people. He was really scared about it...and had to make sure that everybody knew about it. The lady next to me was a little freaked out...or just fidgety or something. His mom said, "It's okay. They're going to fix it before we take off." "No, they're not. They're just going to put some gum on it or something and it's going to explode on reentry (are we in a rocket ship now?)" So that's when I turn around and say, "Hey buddy, no need to worry. I'm an airplane engineer...and it's actually surprisingly difficult to crash an airplane. You're much safer here than riding your bike...and they won't let us leave until the plane is fixed." "I don't have a bike." "Me neither. High five!" Hand was raised...but he looked at it like it was an uncooked Pop Tart. I was left hanging...by a spectacled 7-year old brat. "Don't worry playa. We're perfectly safe." Moments later, we crashed into the Great Salt Lake. Okay, we really didn't. You would've seen it on the news. I basically just left it at that...and the kid just talked quieter. I then asked the lady next to me if she wanted some water or something...and got it for her...since we weren't going anywhere.

Then he had our one-hour and two-minute flight...followed by an HOUR wait for my luggage (had to check because I had a Mach 3 Razor and a tube of toothpaste). After about twenty minutes, I started talking to the guy next to me at Baggage Claim about how this was ridiculous and blah blah blah...but worst of all, my ride was waiting in the parking garage for me...since I first got there...and I made her wait...because it took them an hour to unload my bag. Anyway, that was really lame...but we got home and to bed by midnight-ish. Which sucked because Bubbles had work the next morning, so I felt bad for that. I made it up to her with a neck massage...because that's what I do.

Thursday

I woke up a little earlier than I wanted to...but because I was babysitting Keanna, Bubbles' 6-year old roommate. Now, she has been through a lot of drama over her life, especially over the last few months, but she's honestly one of the sweetest kids that you could ever imagine. She really liked to play with Cookie (me) too. Every few seconds it was "Hey, wanna play (game)?" "Sure, why not?" We played Perfection, Connect Four, drawing, paper airplanes, basketball with crumpled paper, and a bunch of other games over the course of about eight hours (Bubbles was at work & her mom Barbie was running errands).

That night, Bubbles and I were going to meet up with Hedelia and her kids and little sister at La Salsa so that the kids could play (and hopefully run themselves ragged) and the adults could sip on some margaritas. It worked out splendidly. During that time, Hedelia suggested that I speak with HR director again to see when they'll start hiring again...because allegedly it may be next month or sooner. So I will certainly do that this week. Other than that, we watched some TV while it allegedly rained (and flooded) in Henderson...but we didn't see a drop on our block. Slept like babes.

Friday

Again, it was my day to watch Keanna and we played more games. She kept saying stuff like "You're fun...because you're like a kid." It may be true. I have some youthful enthusiasm when it comes to playing with kids. Also, she had Guitar Hero...so we played that for a bit too. I had never played Guitar Hero before...but it's exactly like Rock Band when it comes to the guitars. I mentioned to Keanna that I had Rock Band at home...and now she can't wait for me to move down there too. Also this day, Barbie had a bit of drama with her ex and had a yelling conversation over the phone (as I tried to distract Keanna in her bedroom and outside so that she didn't have to hear) and when they went to run some errands later on, the ex stopped by, so Bubbles & I were there to mediate. Good times. Not really though.

That night, we had Fatburger for dinner at Sunset Station (good eats) then Bubbles & I met up with Hedelia and her husband to go see "Step Brothers" with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. For those who haven't seen the previews, it's about two bratty forty-year old men who become stepbrothers when their overprotective parents marry. It's a pretty crude and ultimately stupid comedy...but it does have its moments. If you were expecting more than you haven't seen the last half dozen Ferrell flicks or something. During the movie, Bubbles started having a migraine again so we headed back home after that (around midnight anyway) and I did my usual nurse routine to help her out...and it was greatly appreciated.

Saturday

Saturday was housesitting day for one of Bubbles' friends...but it was okay because we got to see their pets (two cute bulldogs named Tilly & Willy and three chubby cats, one named Mr. Beefcake) and get to use their pool and have some fun. Now, I'm a fair-skinned guy. I lathered on the sunscreen...but I knew that it wouldn't do much in the long run...especially when it's around 110. We had a great time though. We played variations of volleyball (variations because Keanna can't swim and didn't want to learn, though I'm a pretty good teacher), Red Light-Green Light, Marco Polo, and even a little adventurer game that she & I played while Bubbles made PB&J sam'iches. In that game, we went through waterfalls, fought off monsters (like a mermaid beach ball & a snake-like vacuum pump) and raced around the edge of the pool. We all had a great time...and I have the splotches of red upon my shoulders and chest to prove it...but at least I have some color now.

When we got home, we were all pretty tired, so we decided to watch some movies. Bubbles took a nap (other headache coming on) so Keanna & I watched a movie that was actually one of my favorites as a kid, "The Care Bears II the Movie." Here's the really scary thing though...about thirty seconds into the movie, I realized that I was singing along with the movie that I hadn't seen in probably twenty years. Basically, the plot of the movie (for those who care) is about the Care Bears & Care Bear Cousins starting out as babies and get babysat by John & Dawn...while their friend Christy makes a pact with the evil Darkheart, who's after the Care Bears to destroy all the caring and kindness in the world...starting with a summer camp that the three real kids are going to (in the ultimate "Red Dawn" strategy of taking over from the inside-out, I guess). Anyway, I don't want to give away the ending...but it's definitely worth a watch...if you have kids that like it. FYI - It was one of Bubbles favorites growing up too...but she'll never admit to knowing all the songs. Allegedly, she's too cool for all that. Here are some other things that I noticed about the show that intrigued me...

• I believe that all the Care Bears have regrets...namely the matching heart tattoos on their right butt cheeks


• The voice of Christy was done by Cree Summers, who voices Foxxy Love on the "Drawn Together" series


• Why is that when the Care Bears do the Care Bear Stare, they close their eyes and laser beams show out of their chests like Iron Man?


• If True Heart (bear) & Noble Heart (horse) were the only Care Bears...then they had a bunch of Care Bears...and Care Bear Cousins (lions, raccoons, elephants, monkeys, penguins, etc) were are the Care Bear Daddies?


• Also, were both True Heart & Noble Heart girls? They both sounded like it...and in that case, were they like...a couple...or just friends?


• Why do I still have the songs stuck in my head?

After that, we had a dragon trifecta starting with "Dragonheart" starring Dennis Quaid, Dina Meyer, David Thewlis (simply an unattractive man), and the voice of Bond, Sean Connery. I believe I already talked about this one last time I went down to Vegas for the weekend...but I actually got to see it this time instead of leaving about ten minutes into it. Then we watched the sequel "Dragonheart: A New Beginning" starring...well the Masterson kid from the Pirates movies. That's about it. It was pretty dumb...but what do you expect from a straight-to-DVD sequel? The third leg was "Eragon" with Jeremy Irons and the evil John Malkovich (for about thirty seconds...but even that's enough). We all really liked "Eragon" and Bubbles is really looking forward to the sequels (told her that it was based on a series of books). Oh...and my ability to pay attention to movies came in handy because both Keanna & Bubbles have a tendency to ask questions throughout the movie like "Is that the bad guy?" "What just happened?" "Who's that guy?" "What?" "What's the blue thing? Why is it so important?" "What's that smell?" and I was there to catch them up on the story...and leave them wanting when it was supposed to be a surprise...unless they gave me that pouty faced look, then I'd tell them anyway.

After Keanna, went to bed, Bubbles & I watched "Red Eye" a thriller starring superhot Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy. This story is about a young woman who boards an airplane to find out that the person sitting next to her has her father being watched by an assassin and simply wants her to change a high-profile senator into a different room at the hotel that she runs...or her father dies. It's actually really creepy...and I had seen it before but it was good to see it with Bubbles because she really likes scary movies that aren't gory and this fits the bill (rated PG-13 though directed by Wes Craven). I would recommend it to anybody out there that likes a good scary flick...and without the superbloody stuff that plagues the industry these days. Bubbles & I realized how much that we miss our Movie Nights that we used to have. She's a lot of fun.

Sunday / Monday

We slept in this day because we were pretty much planning on doing an all-nighter since I had to be at the airport around 5 AM Monday morning. Anyway, we woke up, watched Keanna, did some grocery shopping, went to McDonald's so that Keanna could play in the area...but she was being bossy to some older kids (like 11 or 12-years old) who were climbing where they shouldn't have been...so after a few warnings and her still doing it, we left. Barbie got home, we watched "The Bee Movie" which was surprisingly good. I say surprising...because I'm not a huge fan of the Seinfeld...and I know that you'll judge me for saying that...but it's the truth. It's okay...but I can't understand why people say it's the greatest comedy in TV history. That's all. However, I would recommend this movie to anybody with children...or without. It's about a bee who decides to finally break the code of silence with the human race...and basically ends up suing them for all the Honey in the world. That's a poor summary...but the movie's much better & funnier than it sounds. Check it out. "We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. Black & Yellow!!!"

After that, Bubbles & I watched a bunch of episodes of "The L Word" series starring Jennifer Beals, Mia Kirschner, and a lot of steamy scenes with beautiful young ladies...so I was interested. Oh...and lesbian drama, so Bubbles was interested in that too. It's a pretty good show. Thanks for introducing me, Bubbles. After that, we basically just talked as best friends do, dozing off a few times for quick naps until she took me to the airport at 5 AM.

I made my 6:20 AM flight...but it didn't matter because we were delayed an hour again for...inability to start one of the engines. Was this the same plane? This time, the people next to me were a guy and his little two-year old son Isaihia (same name as one of my best & oldest friends). The guy kept apologizing when he would scream or something when sitting on the tarmac for an hour. "I'm sorry." "That's okay. He's what? About two?" "Yeah, just had his second birthday." "It's all good. I have a niece about his age and I spent all weekend with a six-year old myself (showed off my gangsta Care Bears tattoo on my arm)" "Nice. That probably costs a pretty penny." "Nyeh, she just had to ask nicely and bat her eyelashes a bit. I'm a sucker...all the way to the soggy white stick." "I hear ya, man." Eventually I got home and took a nap and showered up and all that stuff...then I started typing this up. Now, I may go find something to do...or just stay home and relax. All in all, it was a great trip.

You may be asking, "So...you did NOTHING in Vegas?" If you mean like no Blue Man Group, concert, VIP party at the Forty 40 club hanging with my boy Jigga, or anything like that...then you're absolutely correct. However, I did exactly what I planned on doing. I hung out with my friends who I care about...and had a great time. I'm a sucker for making people smile...and I did plenty of that this weekend.

Oh, speaking of which, almost as soon as I landed, my sister-in-law gave me a number for a friend of hers named Porsia, who's "sweet and absolutely gorgeous, 23 years old, and has a two year old son. Text her please." So eventually I did...and she seems like a nice girl and wants to meet me next time I go up to Ogden to see the family. Then again, they all start out sounding nice before you get to know them and they destroy your soul from the inside. Just based on my experience. Anyway, I'll keep you posted when/if that happens.

Have a great night everybody!!! RIP Mac & Ike the Ripper!!! I hope that Brett Favre enjoys playing for the Jets. Check out the Olympics...and best of luck to Michael Phelps in his pursuit of swimming gold. Again, big thanks to Bubbles, Barbie, and Keanna for a wonderful weekend!!! Love you all madly!!!