President Love

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, yesterday during a text conversation with JL Clyde, she thinks that it'd be a great idea for me to go overseas for a job (instead of the traditional job going overseas). Where, you may be wondering? China because I spent a month there already, like Pandas, could play on the basketball team, and think Asian women are hot…and vice versa. Italy because she knows that I enjoy trying to speak Italian, love the food & culture, and would really really really like to have me an Italian woman. Canada…because they have free healthcare and are nearby, I guess. Oh…and I like pancakes, hockey (ice soccer) and French accents (Quebec). Excellent suggestions all. However, I had concerns. For China, I don't speak the language except for saying hello…and I've already played the charades for food when I was over there…and it didn't turn out well. During my month there, I was almost thrown into a Communist prison TWICE…and I don't exactly blend in there either. For Italy, I have Italian friends who left a wonderful life on the shores of Lake Como because they couldn't get jobs there with their four-year degrees because the job market is already supersaturated…so they live in Ireland now (another good idea but it rains all the time, no wonder they all drink). I wonder if the clumsy yet charming American accent works over there like its Italian counterpart does here in the States. "Scusi, can you…tell me…phona numbah? I call you two hours. We playa hida da canoli. Bellisima." For Canada, I just don't think they'd let me into the country…and I can get pancakes here…hmm, but not Cuban cigars…

Anyway, other nations that I'd consider would be Brazil because…well, it's full of Brazilians, Germany, Austria, Liechtenstein & Switzerland because I speak German (or at least used to) and Spain because…well, it's full of Spanish girls. Then she suggested that I just date an actress who can do many accents…and she may have a point. I mean, I do a pretty good Antonio Benderas…but honestly, a sexy female accent whispering in my ear will beat out free healthcare any day. I could have a torn MCL or something in my knee…and if a beautiful woman with a Spanish accent is there to say, "Ooooh, poor baby. Is you okay? You want me to kiss it better?" "Ugh…si?" "(Kiss) There. All better?" "Actually…yeah. Wow, that's amazing. Heck, I can probably get up and walk on it. OHHHH GOD!!! YEAH, IT'S DEFINITELY TORN." "Oh, I so sorry. I try to help. Here, let's get you to a bed and I make you some paella. Here, have some wine. Is good yes?" "Mmm mmm, that's incredible. You know Esmeralda, if you play your cards right, you could join me in here and we'll both have limps come morning." (Yeah, I know how to talk to the ladies…but it'd be okay because I'd probably never want to leave my bed anyway...and they lived happily ever after) Anyway, here's some news...

A Blonde, Big-Boobed Nessie? - Sweden's own version of the Loch Ness monster, the Storsjoe or Great Lake monster, has been allegedly caught on film by surveillance videos, an association that installed the cameras said Friday. The legend of the Swedish beast has swirled for nearly four centuries with some 200 sightings reported in the lake in central Sweden. "On Thursday at 12:21 pm, we filmed the movements of a live being. And it was not a pike, nor a perch, we're sure of that," Gunnar Nilsson, the head of a shopkeepers' association in Svenstavik, told AFP. The association, together with the Jaemtland province and local municipality of Berg, installed six surveillance cameras in the lake in June, including two underwater devices. The project has so far cost some 400,000 kronor (about $62,500) and is aimed at resolving the mystery of the Swedish Nessie. The first sighting dates back to 1635 and the most recent to July 2007 with most speaking of a long, serpent-like beast with humps, a small cat or dog-like head, and ears or fins pressed against the neck. The association employs one person full-time to review the recorded video footage each day. In the images filmed Thursday and posted on a website dedicated to the Storsjoe monster , a long serpent-like being is seen swimming in the murky waters. Go ahead, check it out. I ugh...I have my opinion. They say however that "a highly-advanced system on one of the cameras detected heat produced by the cells," indicating that it was a live being, Nilsson said. "It's very exciting and quite spectacular." He readily admitted however that the project was also "aimed at improving business around the lake. The monster has helped us." Some 20 more cameras are due to be installed soon, including one at a depth of 30 meters (100 feet) to catch any movements under the winter ice. So go ahead, check out the video…and let me know if you think this is just a marketing farce for a small town in Sweden…like that Bigfoot thing in Georgia a few weeks back.

From Tesla to Intel - Last Thursday, Intel researchers demonstrated how to make a 60-watt light bulb glow from an energy source 3 feet away. They did it while retaining 75 percent of the energy they started with, which is remarkably high efficiency…all using wireless power transmission. Criss Angel & Uncle Fester were nowhere to be found. Now, about a hundred years ago, Nikola Tesla claimed to be able to transmit electricity wirelessly…and I'm sure that you've all seen "The Prestige" or various special on the History Channel about it…but Intel is really looking into it so that eventually they can recharge their laptops or cell phones or other gadgets without plugging them into an electrical socket. The technology makes use of some basic physics, as electric coils that resonate at the same frequency can transmit energy to each other at a distance. One challenge is figuring out how to prevent the electromagnetic field from interfering with the computer's other parts…and how they'd be able to charge you for it. Interesting technology...and the applications are potentially endless. Therefore, it probably causes cancer.

Speaking of electricity, I watched the last half of the movie "Powder" flipping through the channels today. For those of you who haven't seen it, the story is about a shy, kind albino teenager (Sean Patrick Flannery of "Boondock Saints") who goes to school for the first time after his grandmother who raised him dies. Of course, his first school experience is high school (a.k.a. Pick on the funny-looking kid) in the Midwest, so there's that conflict to begin with. Now, he was born during a lightning storm…and his mom was struck by lightning or something (been a while since I saw the first half) so he's…a little different…and incredible intelligence, extremely sensitive, and has the powers of a GOD like lightning bolts, reanimate the dead, see into people's minds, all that kind of cool stuff…but it's not a superhero movie. A local sheriff (Lance Henriksen), his school administrator (Mary Steenbergen) and his physics teacher (Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop) try to help him overcome his teenage angst…and basically, it's a feel good kind of movie revolving around unlocking our potential, seeing people for the wonderful creatures that they are on the inside, and just being great people. I think Einstein said it best (through Goldblum in this movie) when he said, "It has become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity." Anyway, it's a good little flick so check it out if you want. If not, no huge loss. I spent the whole time thinking "What is Jeff Goldblum's appeal? Is it…like a Christopher Walken kind of appeal? Only more irritating? How does he find work? Furthermore, WHY is it so believable that he would actually watch me poop as the picture in Filly's bathroom suggests?"

How NOT to Cut Costs - John Daniel Miller III of Tyler (clap clap clap clap deep in heaaaaart of Texas) is accused of growing marijuana in order to manage his finances. Sheriff's Sgt. Randy Meadows told the Tyler Morning-Telegraph that a tip led officers to some rural property, where several marijuana plants (encircled by old tires) lined the driveway. Deputies confiscated more than 70 plants worth about $100,000. Meadows said Miller told deputies he knew they were coming "sooner or later" and he was cultivating his own marijuana because the cost of buying the illegal substance had gone up. Bail is set at $15,000 (or by my calculations, about ten plants) for the 55-year old man. I admire the guy's spirit in trying to cut his personal expenses…but that's a LOT of pot. I also happen to know that this kind of thing happens all the time in rural areas. I mean...I DID grow up in cow country. Now, I'll admit, I've often thought about dealing in drugs for financial stability. There's a lot of money to be made. If you follow the rules of Scarface & the Ten Crack Commandments there is a definite plus-side…and you don't have to file a W2. However, there's also a downside. For example, when an anonymous (jealous) tipster calls your local police that you knew were coming "sooner or later" and now you have $15,000 in extra expenses. Oh yeah…and the lawyer fees are going to be a pain too. Also, with $100,000 worth, they're going to try to get you on distribution charges…and there's really no contention for that. Sorry dude. You took the big risk, were probably really close to big rewards, and now you're going to a federal prison. That sucks…but you knew it was coming. Hopefully your affairs were in order. For everybody else, there are plenty of other ways to save money…like maybe not smoking. However, that's also like saying not blogging…or not driving a car everyday…or growing your own food…or not having protected sex…and some people just aren't ready to sacrifice those (like THIS GUY). All I can say is…look at options to save money…and make a plan that works for you. If you need help, I'm always here…and I'm sure your other smug friends can help you out too. Don't break the law. We'd miss you too much…and we probably wouldn't be this creative...

Jailbird - Bosnian police have impounded a pigeon after discovering prisoners used it to smuggle drugs into one of the country's highest security jails. "The guards suspected the animal might be involved in drug smuggling once they noticed four prisoners visibly intoxicated shortly after the pigeon landed on a prison window," Zenica prison official Josip Pojavnik told AFP. All four inmates had tested positive for heroin. The drugs had probably been stuffed into tiny bags attached to the legs of the carrier pigeon (much better than what I was thinking), which one of the prisoners had previously been allowed to keep as a pet in his cell. "We suspect that the pigeon carried the drugs from Tuzla," a town about forty miles northeast of Zenica in central Bosnia, he added. The pigeon had been taken into custody by police, who have launched an investigation aimed at identifying those who had loaded it up with the drugs. "We do not know what to do with the pigeon, but for the time being it will remain behind bars." A similar case of carrier pigeons being used by prisoners was reportedly uncovered earlier this year at a jail in Brazil, where the birds were being used to deliver drugs and even mobile telephones. Do you think they're interrogating the pigeon? "WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THE DRUGS FROM??? WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR???" "Coooo…" "DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME, YOU SUM'BICH!!! (Pistol drawn from holster) I'LL POP A CAP IN YOUR…" "Wo wo wo Josip, wait outside for a few minutes. Sorry about my partner. Cigarette?" "Cooo…" "No, menthols…but the wife's trying to make me quit. You know how it goes. So…anything you want to share with us about…you know, the heroin?" "Cooo… Cooo..." "See? That wasn't so hard, was it? (Into shoulder mic) Vlad, put out an APB on Radoslav Koo…and we're gonna need some witness protection for the pigeon. Do we have a…cage or something?"

Presidential Race Gets Interesting - So I don't follow politics much…as you may have gathered…but the nomination of Vice Presidents have caught my attention now. So here's the breakdown as I see it. Barack Obama's been doing pretty good. He was in Denver at the Democratic National Convention this week…and a few days before he revealed that Senator Joe Biden is going to be his running mate for the Presidency. Pretty good choice. Allegedly, they were questioning Obama's experience in politics…so they got him a sidekick with plenty of experience and a great track record from Delaware, the First State. Been there. Nice place. So between the two of them, you have the charismatic African-American leader backed by Oprah and the experienced Senator who fits the profile of…well, every President of the United States since 1789, so conservatives don't have to be afraid of "Change We Can Believe In" or whatever the slogan is. Good move.

Then it was Republican candidate John McCain's turn. He's allegedly been behind in the polls…and frankly I could care less because of his mudslinging tactics and all the usual political slander. There were rumors of other seasoned senators that could compliment the areas that he lacked…mostly in appeal with a younger crowd because he's seen as a grumpy old man. Experts had their picks…and then he pulled a MILF out of Alaska…which I though was the one natural resource that the Last Frontier didn't have. Take that experts!!! What compliments an old grumpy former prisoner-of-war born & raised in the heartland of America? How about the lady governor of a state thousands of miles from the continuous 48 and has only been in office for two years…and before that, Governor Sarah Palin was mayor of Wasilla, AK (population 9000). Oh yeah, she had a baby (named Trig) in April too. She's described as "the future of the party" and a "reformer" by McCain…and because I don't follow politics, I know nothing else but what I read in the article. It's an awesome pick…if just to get people's interest.

The way I see it, McCain & Biden kind of cancelled each other out. They very well could have been the Presidential candidates now…so McCain had to find a running mate to go against Obama. Somebody new, different, and has a record of change…and it wouldn't help if it were a first of some kind…like the first African-American or Woman candidate. Since the former was taken, he chose the latter…trying to please the women voters (good luck with that) and maybe get a few Hillary supporters…since she held her own against Obama. At the very least, he has more eye candy to walk around with…like he's the Hugh Hefner of Politics with his wife on one arm…and the feisty hotchuma hotchuma governess young enough to be his daughter on the other. Smooth…

Anyway, I was surprised. Not because he picked Sarah Palin…but because he didn't pick the person I thought that he would. No, not Mitt Romney or that Governor from Minnesota that isn't Jesse Ventura…but you're on the right track. Given his war background…and the Republican values such as the right to bear arms, wealth, power, and owning private aircraft, my guess was that he was going to go with the THIRD actor from a popular 80's sci-fi action movie to break into the political scene. I talking of course about…

Senator Predator!!!

He's a man of few words…but when he talks, people listen. He's an imposing figure, yet has the ability to seemingly blend into the background and become a fly on the wall, learning the skills needed to be a great leader. His foreign policy is questionable…and he's known to be a bit of a hothead…but he's never afraid of confrontation when safety is on the line…and he's always on the cutting edge of utilizing new, experimental, energy-saving technologies. Besides, you wouldn't have to worry about a sex scandal or anything like that. Worst-case, he goes hunting for quail on the weekend and comes back with Cheney strapped to the hood…and I think we could all live with that.

Thus concludes (hopefully) my overview of the Presidential Race for 2008. You may be asking, "$teve, are you going to vote?" Only if I become more informed…otherwise, Senator Predator may get a pointless write-in with Batman as VP (because he's obviously a Republican too) once they work out their differences. "Why do you make fun of these important decisions that we're faced with in the upcoming elections?" Because it's the only way I can keep from crying. Politics are pretty much ridiculous to me…and that's why I may get into them one day…just to observe…and see just how far I can BS my way. Probably not to the top…but mayor is definitely obtainable…maybe even the House of Representatives…yeah, it could happen. Probably not a good idea to give me too much Power though. I'm already mad without it.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Have a great Labor Day Weekend everybody!!! Hopefully you have some fun activities planned...or at least some time to relax or get some things done. Thanks for listening to my rambling...again. Rock the Vote!!!