Mein Hut, er hat drei Ecken

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

First off, allow me to apologize for the negativity over the past few entries. I rambled on about my aunt…and I love her and all…and she even made me some delicious peppermint patty brownies to show her appreciation for helping her out with her trip to Anaheim & San Diego in November…but she does just get on my nerves pretty easily, which normally is kind of difficult. Also, I'd like to apologize for my sexually frustrated ramble last night about things that I miss. Apparently Lilie thinks that I should write romance novels or something because she got chills a little…as I hope that most of you out there did too. I did end up cutting out most of what I wrote though (that "time passes" portion and a few others) because it was PG-13 per se…but it was innuendo…and I like to be a little mysterious about my tactics. What? Why are you laughing? Is it because I said I like to be mysterious and I basically bare all on this blog? Well, you may be right…but still.

I watched a little of the Olympics last night, including Michael Phelps getting Gold #6 and Nastia Liukin (beautiful eyes, by the way) winning the women's gymnastics all-around gold medal. Tonight after work, I'm actually going to hang out with my mom and her family at my aunt's house (another one that I actually like, I have over twenty aunts) for an Olympic party, so there'll be plenty of drunken good times with my hillbilly kinfolk. It'll be great. Other than that, I might have a blind date…but I'm not exactly holding my breath or anything…because stuff always seems to come up…and I think I'm going to try a whole reverse psychology approach to it and see if that works…or works against, I guess it would be. Anyway, tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight…as they say. Here's the news...

Bulletproof Bras - Thousands of German policewomen will receive what media have labeled "bullet-proof bras." Made of white cotton and featuring the word "Polizei" (Police...but sexier because it's foreign) along the seam, the bras are meant to better protect police women who wear bullet-proof vests. A spokesperson in Hanover said, "There was a slight safety risk for women wearing normal bras with metal parts underneath a bullet-proof vest. If the vest is hit by a projectile, this can have an impact on the metal bit in the bra underneath and cause injuries (and policemen are in the sometimes awkward position of "kissing it better")." Some 3,000 police women working for Germany's federal police will be equipped with the new bras which feature no metal parts and look like sports bras.

You know, maybe I need to move to Germany. No really, I was thinking about this yesterday at the training too. See, I used to speak fluent German but it's been the better part of a decade since I've used ANY other than immediately after somebody sneezes…or singing Schnitzelbank, just because I can. One of the speakers yesterday mentioned that when he was being interviewed for a job in Berlin, they basically took them to the bar, had a few beers, and had the interview there…and this was for a six-digit Euro job. I love the food, the beer, the culture, the curvy girls, and it'd be a new experience to say the least. There was a time that I really thought about moving to Salzburg, Austria and maybe playing some pro basketball for chump change (by NBA standards at the time…but with the current exchange rate…) and living in the land of the Sound of Music, meeting some Swiss Miss (or perhaps a Fritalian, it's a central location in Europe) and just traveling Europe with the team and documenting my adventures for future memoirs that only I would be interested in reading. Somehow that didn't happen (at all). Now that I know that the German economy is great, the food keeps getting better, and even the needs of the supple breasts of their law enforcement agents are being met, I don't know. Maybe I need a work visa or something to go over there. My company was locations there. I could even drive a Beemer…or a Benz…or a Bicycle…and be just like everybody else. Honestly though, in Salzburg, I could do the bicycle thing…maybe even in winter. It's a small mountain town. Anyway, just a thought that I had…and then I see something like this...

German Gelato Tragedy - Four people were killed in a shooting at an Italian gelato shop in western Germany on Tuesday. Shots rang out around 8 p.m., with one man killed outside the Eis de Rocco cafe in downtown Ruesselheim, near Frankfurt. A man and a woman were killed inside the cafe, and a fourth victim died of his wounds on the way to the hospital. Officers mobilized a manhunt after the shooter fled the scene of the attack in the town's pedestrian district near the main train station. Police blocked off the center of Ruesselheim and were searching for the shooter with the aid of dogs and helicopters. I guess even Germany isn't a paradise, right? I mean…I like my gelato but the article also talks about another incident a year ago at a gelato stand involving an organized crime syndicate (the Mafia?). Another good thing about being in Germany is that I could take a train on the weekends to somewhere else cool in Europe.

Roman Holiday - With the ruins of ancient Rome, the splendor of Vatican City, gelato and countless Renaissance art treasures, what does Italy's capital lack to attract tourists? The answer, according to the mayor's office, is a Disneyland-style theme park. "The model is Euro-Disney in Paris," said Deputy Mayor Mauro Cutrufo, announcing plans to build a vast ancient Rome theme park just outside the city which he says could be up and running within three to four years. The park would provide family-friendly attractions to show visitors what life was like in the Rome of 2,000 years ago. To be built on an as yet unspecified 1,000-1,200 acre site, it would put a Roman twist on rides like Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean, in which visitors float on boats through a fantasy pirate world. "You would relive scenes from the Colosseum, from ancient Rome, gladiators or maybe Julius Caesar or other things." (Orgies?) A decision on whether to go ahead with the park could be made as early as next month after market research has shown potential demand for the plan. Now, I don't mean to ruin their parade or anything…but is Euro Disney still around? Is it still the only thing that Disney has done that DIDN'T make a scatload of money? The New Coke of theme parks, if you will? Having been to Rome twice (thanks to the legend of the Fountain of Trevi…and awaiting a third time), I can tell you that one of the major draws of the city…is that it does NOT have a family-friendly theme park. You would think that an incredible culture spreading over thousands of years, ruins of the quintessential ancient civilization, the world's largest church, the foremost collection of arts from all of the over the world from the Sistine Chapel to Egyptian obelisks to Monica Bellucci, some of the finest cuisine in the world, some of the most beautiful people in the world with among the world's sexiest accents, and literally history stacked on history stacked on history beneath their sewer lines that people would just want to visit Rome for being Rome. I mean, it wasn't built in a day…or in even three to four years…and frankly, do we really need another Disneyland? Not in Italy. Oh well, that's why it's their decision (like when they elected a porn star). Do yourself a favor and visit Rome if you ever get the chance. Or if you can't afford it, visit it through my eyes.

Norwegian Knights - Nils Olav already has medals for good conduct and long service. He made honorary colonel-in-chief of the elite Norwegian King's Guard in 2005. And on Friday he was knighted. Not bad for a 3-foot tall penguin — actually, three of them. A resident of Edinburgh Zoo in Scotland, the original Nils Olav was made an honorary member of the King's Guard in 1972 after being picked out as the guard's mascot by lieutenant Nils Egelien. The guards adopted him because they often toured the zoo during their visits to the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, an annual military music festival, according to zoo spokeswoman Maxine Finlay. The king penguin was named after Egelien and Norway's then-King Olav V. When the penguin died, he was replaced by a second penguin, who inherited Nils Olav's name and rank. The current Nils Olav, the third penguin to serve as the guards' mascot, was promoted from honorable regimental sergeant major to honorary colonel-in-chief in 2005. The knighthood ceremony began Friday morning with speeches and a fanfare before Nils arrived, under escort with the King's Guard Color Detachment. Nils then reviewed the troops lined up outside the penguin enclosure at the zoo, waddling down the row of uniformed soldiers, occasionally stopping to crane his neck and peer inquisitively at their crisp uniforms before being guided forward by his handler. Nils was then knighted by British Maj. Gen. Euan Loudon on behalf of Norway's King Harald V. Loudon dropped the king's sword on both sides of Nils's black-and-white frame, and the penguin's colonel-in-chief badge, tied to his flipper, was swapped for one symbolizing his knighthood. "He'll be a "sir" now," Finlay said. That's right, ladies & gentlemen. A penguin has been knighted. There is hope for us all.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Thanks for a quick run across Europe with my random thoughts. It's always nice to have company. Have a great day and cheer on the USA!!!