Dr. Love & Other Inglorious Bastards

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start off by thanking Alisa for the kind comments last night...and I'll let you know when/if I'm published...either for a self-help book, odd & unusual stories, robotica (robotic erotica), a how-to-make-a-baby panda book (in Mandarin), collection of random thoughts, romantic poetry (oh yeah, I do that too), the complete history of basketball, an article for movie reviews, relationship advice, celebrity gossip (that I may or may not have started just because), illustrated documentation of my world travels, conspiracy theories, dinosaurs, or really anything else that you find on this blog or from my endless gamet of useless knowledge...with a hardback cover. I'll also keep you updated on when I finally make my movie (haven't even looked at the script in almost two years), become a game show host (my eye's on your job, Trebek), or simply my memoirs entitled "$teve Wins Again!!!" (It's a working title)

Last night, I also went to the Belgian Waffle House with JL Clyde & Esther last night for some Garbage Hash...and it was fun (though I was accused of being less than cheerful...but I had a lot going through my noggin...and the long day at work had drained my soul a bit). Afterwards, we watched some TV and because I'm a nerd, we watched "Jurassic Fight Club" starring incredibly cheerful dinosaur researchers like "Dinosaur George" and the episode's combatants, Megalodon (Prehistoric 50 foot Great White Shark) and Brygmophyseter (Moby Dick with T-Rex Teeth) and it was awesome. Sure, it was basically how dolphins kill sharks nowadays...where Megalodon (still sounds like a Transformer to me) would attack and injure a Brygmophyseter, then the wounded whale would send out a distress call to his homies...and they would ram the sides of the shark...and in this time, later rip Megalodon apart. Oh yeah, loves this show. It's gruesome, virtual carnage...with DINOSAURS. You know how I feel about dinosaurs. As mentioned in an admission of my quirks, I would watch a teenage coming-of-age drama starring Hilary Duff...as long as there's Dinosaurs in it. Can't write that one, Hollywood? Then throw in one of the other nine key plot points required for me to watch your movie.

Also, I'd like to apologize for the downer mood & tone of my posting yesterday...but again, hopefully it helps you out the next time you have a little breakdown. What have I learned from it? Well, nothing has really changed other than the interview has been done...and I'm officially certified as a manager in the company now. Yippee! Also, I'm starting to look into other possibilities besides Vegas...so I may have another Pros & Cons list to share soon...but we shall see. I've already been through this before...and it came out with Sin City at #1 again & again from all different angles...but we shall see. Maybe I do want a little more security than Vegas has to offer at this time. In the meantime, here's some news...Dr. Love style...

Inglorious Bastards Update - The latest news on the upcoming Quentin Tarantino World War II drama "Inglorious Bastards" (due out sometime in the next decade) is that Mike Myers (the comedian, not the quiet killer from the Halloween movies) will play a small role. That's right, Wayne Campbell is going to war. In the film, a band of U.S. soldiers facing death by firing squad for their misdeeds are given a chance to redeem themselves by heading into the perilous no-man's lands of Nazi-occupied France on a suicide mission for the Allies. Sounds like a "Dirty Dozen" style kind of badassery with a Tarantino twist. My prediction for Myers' small role - During a raid in this no-man's land, British military sends in their secret weapon, Austin Powers...and then he's immediately ripped apart by large artillery in the midst of trench warfare. "Yeah, baby!!!" Okay, so that's probably not going to be it at all...but I've seen too many previews for those stupid "Disaster / Epic / Superhero / Date Movie" over the past few years...and it seems like something they would do. By the way, the cast so far for this Tarantino flick (so more than likely an immediate classic) includes Nastassja Kinski ("Diary of a Sex Addict"), Simon Pegg ("Shawn of the Dead"), David Krumholtz (Mr. Universe in "Serenity"), B.J. Novak ("The Office"), Eli Roth (director of "Hostel"), and THE Brad Pitt (I think he was in "True Romance"). Doesn't sounds like a "Saving Private Ryan" lineup (which I still have yet to see besides the first twenty bloody minutes) but I have faith in it. Shooting starts October 13th in where else? Germany...der Bundesrepublik Deutschland.

CHOKE comes out September 26th in theatres. For those who don't know (and big thanks to the Mad Scientist, winner of an Honorable Mention Arte y Pico Award for telling me about this book / movie...and having awesome blogs), "Choke" is based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk ("Fight Club") and tells the story of Victor Mancini (Sam Rockwell), a sex-addicted med-school dropout who works days as an historical reenactor at a Colonial Williamsburg theme park in order to keep his increasingly deranged mother in an expensive private mental hospital. By night, he runs a scam by deliberately choking in upscale restaurants to form parasitic relationships with the wealthy patrons who "save" him. Sounds awesome, right? Trust me, from what the Mad Scientist tells me (because I'm illiterate) the book's even better...and there's no way that they can do some of the stuff described in there on film...even 8 mm film. By the way, today is the 46th birthday of "Fight Club" director David Fincher.

John Woo Sports Film? - Director John Woo ("Face/Off", "Broken Arrow", and "Mission: Impossible - II") told attendees at a Beijing charity dinner recently that he hopes to produce a sports movie. Woo says "I want real athletes to be my lead actors so that we can portray the athlete's spirit accurately." To that effect he thinks that champion hurdler Liu Xiang and multiple gold medalist diver Guo Jingjing fit the bill. Yet his producing partner Terence Chang hasn't heard of such a project and says "it's probably wishful thinking." Indeed Woo's schedule is packed for now with a "Red Cliff" sequel, Chinese Revolution epic "1949", and the Johnny Depp-led graphic novel adaptation "Caliber." Chang and writer Wang Hui-ling are about to begin work on the sixth draft of the script for "1949" and financing is still being raised. I hope this is just a passing thing...because honestly, we already have slow motion replay during sporting events...and we don't need to see doves flying behind them while they're running the hurdles...or watch diving while wearing a trenchcoat and brandishing golden Desert Eagles in each hand. Thanks for the thought about sports movies though. I'm sure even you could do a better table tennis movie than "Balls of Fury" and honor your nation.

Sexbot Update - Many thought that some jobs would never be taken over by robots. Some jobs were just too personal...and needed that human touch. Child rearing was replaced with the invention of television and video games. Writing letters to loved ones has been replaced with electronic mail and emoticons. Even good old proper shagging has been replaced with artificial insemenation, cloning, and...well, there's a lot of adult superstores full of other options. Now, in Indiana, the Da Vinci robotic surgical platform and the technology that sparked a revolutionary change in prostate cancer surgery is proving to be just as effective for use in gynecological surgery. Dr. Kurt Wiese, an obstetrician/gynecologist on staff performed the first gynecological procedures using the da Vinci robot. The hospital purchased the $1.8 million robotic surgical platform in June. Wiese said he has been pleased with the surgical outcomes he has seen. “The procedures I have done using the da Vinci robot have gone exactly as we had hoped they would. The robot worked extremely effectively. Patients experience less blood loss and are able to go home from the hospital two to three days sooner than they would otherwise. When they do go home, they have four band-aids covering four small incisions instead of the large incision that is normally required for such surgeries.” The da Vinci robot has been proven an effective tool in performing hysterectomies, as well as myomectomy, which is the surgical removal of uterine fibroids, and sacrocolpopexy, which is the surgical repair of the pelvic floor. If you blacked out when the big medical words were brought in, basically robots are taking over our jobs of helping to preserve the Holiest of Holies, the vagina. I know. I'm scared too. Our only hope to coexist with the robots is to start breeding with their women...giving birth to a race of free-thinking cyborgs with both the brute physical power (maybe a rocket launcher arm) and human compassion & desire...leading to a coup of our eventual robotic overlords...and preserving the next step in human evolution. You see what I did there? I took a medical breakthrough...and turned it into a post-apocolyptic world full of robot sex and possibly starring Christian Bale & Milla Jovovich. That's what I do.

Milla Update - By the way, saw my baby mama on the cover of Lucky magazine while getting a Coke Slurpee at 7-Eleven last night...and it's true, she does get sexier and sexier. She's also on the cover of Cookie magazine (remember my nickname courtesy of Bubbles?) with our lovely daughter Ever. Okay, this is a good time to break one rumor that is...mostly my fault. I don't know how to say this but I... (deep breath) I didn't father a child with Milla Jovovich. Ever (rim shot...because that's her daughter's name)In fact, I've never had unprotected sex with her...or any sex for that matter...or have met her in person...or probably even been in the same state at the same time. I have led you astray and I apologize. It was childish and was done for a few laughs. My sincerest apologies to anybody that I may have offended or slandered in any way. The offer still stands to star in my movie though...so you know, let me know when your schedule's open. Now that you're getting out of the fashion designing business because of the economy and new family life...anyway, I'm sorry...and congratulations on the family. You still look amazing too.

I guess that'll do it for today. I'm just sitting here blabbing away while watching a special on the History Channel about the Presidency of JFK. I multi-task extremely well...but I guess I should focus on ways of turning that into a high-paying career...or several high-paying careers...since I don't have much of a social life to worry about and all. Oh well, everything happens of a reason. Have a great night everybody!!!