I Never Seen A Man Eat So Many Chicken Wings

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

I was talking to Bubbles last night...and she asked me, "You've got a case of the Phuckits, don't ya?" For those who don't know, that's basically when you just go to work...and there's really no motivation behind it because your mind is elsewhere...and so if something comes up, where normally you'd be all on it like Blue Bonnet, you decide to say "Phuckit" and relax. She was absolutely right. Not that I'm not doing my job or anything like that...but I've been privy to letting my mind wander off a bit the past few days, as you might expect. Everybody's been awesome and wishing me good luck and how the move to Denver's going to be awesome and exciting and just what I need and all of that...and I agree. Some are surprised by how casually I play it off...but yeah, still super excited about it. In fact, today we have big whig corporate visitors...so I have to show off some of the new wardrobe. That's right, ladies. You may be lucky enough to witness my new Barcelona Green suit, Italian Leather size 14 shoes (bellisimooooo), and one more surprise...let me just unfasten this button around my waist...and voila!!! Go ahead, take your time, let it all sink in...inch by inch. That's right, it's all real. The matching leather belt. You may touch it...but please...be gentle.

JL Clyde & I went to Brewvie's to watch a free late night screening of "South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut" one of my favorite musicals of all time...and we could have beer & nachos while we watched it. This is actually a big thing here in Utah. Not sure about other states. It was fantastic, of course. Because we showed up a little early, we also got to catch the last half hour of "The Dark Knight" and now JL Clyde wants to see the rest of it. Apparently my word (and that of every single person to see the movie) wasn't enough to convince her to check it out...but now that she knows how it ends...she wants to check it out. Gee, I wonder if she was a big Titanic fan...or Schindler's List...or probably Rocky too. "In Rocky III, you actually bet AGAINST Rocky?" "Hinesight is 20/20 my friend." (Brownie points if you get the movie reference...and by brownie points, I mean a free beer at my Going Away Party on Saturday) Now, here's the news...

Batman Update - There's a new actor playing Batman…and his name is Armie Hammer. Now, before you go and say something stupid like "I think I saw a porno with him in it once" like I did, let me drop some knowledge on ya. Mad Max & Happy Feet director (quite the versatility) George Miller is set to direct the (eventually) forthcoming Justice League movie some time in the next decade or so…and he has handpicked this unknown actor to play Bruce Wayne / Batman. Hammer insists he has not intention of stirring up a battle of the Batmans (good for him). "That guy's got his s--t down," Hammer says of Bale…but then he goes on to say, "My codpiece is bigger." Say what you will…but the guy's got some balls to even joke about that. Of course, you may be asking yourself, "Who the f**k is Armie Hammer and was he named after a brand of baking soda?" To answer the latter question first, he's allegedly not named after Arm & Hammer baking soda…but is the grandson of oil tycoon Armand Hammer (who is named after baking soda). Now for the former, he's been on episodes of Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, and he's apparently starring in a movie called "Billy", an independent film about the Reverend Billy Graham about the religious leader's early years costarring Bionic Woman star Lindsay Wagner as his mother and Martin Landau (apparently still alive) as a lifelong friend. Still waiting for the throwdown between Bale & Hammer. Hell, that even sounds like a great fight to promote. Hammer versus Bale…in the Octagon…as they found out who's Baterang packs more Bang. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday…

Cuckoo Cock - A Swiss adventurer flew into the history books Friday by crossing from France to Britain on only a jet-powered wing, describing afterwards how he felt "like a bird" over the English Channel. 49-year-old Yves Rossy touched down in a field on top of the white cliffs of Dover, England after completing the 22-mile journey over one of the world's busiest shipping lanes. "I have proved it is possible to fly like a bird," he said with a big grin, adding: "My aim (was) to realize the dream. You have an idea in your head, and to actually achieve it is the most gratifying thing you can do." Asked how he felt, he joked: "It's a mixture of ecstasy and trying to stay concentrated -- because I was thinking, the water is pretty cold down there." With the carbon wing strapped to his back, Rossy had leapt out of a small plane at an altitude of 2,500 meters over the French coast before jetting off at speeds of more than 200 kilometers per hour. Rossy, who calls himself FusionMan (Rocketman was already taken) was originally scheduled to make the flight Wednesday, but postponed twice due to bad weather. In 2004, he became the first man to fly with jet-powered wings. He was aiming to trace the route of French inventor Louis Bleriot, who became the first person to fly across the English Channel in a plane 99 years ago, taking 37 minutes for the trip. Asked what the future could bring, Rossy added: "Why not do flights like this with teams of people? Imagine the Red Arrows (the aerobatics team of Britain's Royal Air Force) like this. It is an exciting prospect." Ballsy!!! Excellent job sir. Kudos to you and your testicular fortitude for flying the Chunnel.

Lesbos Update - Whenever the Greek island of Lesbos makes the news, you know that I have to mention it. Usually for the same reason that I have to watch a movie involved natives of the island. Anyway, two airplanes due to land on the Greek island of Lesbos had to circle above the Aegean sea for more than half an hour because an air traffic controller overslept. An Olympic Airlines aircraft, arriving from the Greek capital Athens, and a Slovakian Airlines plane made several failed attempts to contact control tower personnel. A police official said, "They were calling the tower to get directions, but no one would answer. The woman (native Lesbian woman) later said she overslept." The airport's secondary control service assisted the pilots to land after they had circled for 40 minutes. Police said the controller, who was not named, would be suspended for a few days. Thus ends the story…but it makes you wonder (or at least me wonder) do Lesbian women dream about other Lesbian women? Discuss.

Pregnant Grandfather - A patient treated for agonizing abdominal pain received this surprising news in the hospital's paperwork: "Based on your visit today, we know you are pregnant." Surprising indeed for 71-year-old John Grady Pippen. The staff at Curry General Hospital in Gold Beach, Oregon gave the retired mechanic and logger the ridiculously happy news this month, along with some pain pills. Hospital administrator William McMillan says an errant keystroke caused the hospital's computer to spit out the wrong discharge instructions for the grandfather. Apparently they found the Any Key. Reading that sentence though, is it weird that I basically read "errant (blah) stroke caused (noun) to spit out (adjective) discharge" and suddenly this meaningless story about a typo because really, really creepy. Is there something wrong with me, doc? You know what, I'm going to another hospital for a diagnosis on this one. No offense…but you just told that guy that he was having twins.

Well, that'll do it for today. Still have a lot of packing to do...and I blame all my awesome friends & family for that. If you didn't make it so enticing to simply hang out with you guys & gals instead of actually getting some work done, you'd make the tedious part of this whole moving scene so much easier to be done. I'm not complaining by the way, just stating a fact. You're awesome...and I'm gonna miss all of you...but you're gonna visit me because I just so much damn fun to hang out with...so it's all good. You're gonna need your Mookie fix every few weeks...and you're gonna be spending hundreds of dollars a month in gas to get it. Go ahead, try the twelve-step program. See how that helps. Once you've had a taste, you're hooked. Man, that got really evil really quick. Anyway, thanks again to everybody out there...and have a great day!!!