Things Can Change Quickly

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,


It's funny how things can change quickly. One week ago…Denver was little more than one of my top five cities that I'd like to live in...and really the only one that I could afford on my own besides the one I was already in. One month ago...I was in Las Vegas for the weekend trying to figure out where I stand with the city and why it just wasn't working out...and basically ended up babysitting the whole time because the people I needed to speak with were out of town. Bad timing, I guess. One year ago, I was in New Orleans checking out the town, having a great time on the company's dime...and honestly, there was no reason for me to consider moving out of town other than to just have a good time and do something different...which I really didn't need at the time. Now, I've got an interview at 1 PM and a feeling that if it all goes well, it may end with "Can you be here on Monday?" and though it's a little scary and short notice...I really think that I could work it out...even though I'm going to the desert this weekend for a family reunion (and the Wingmans may be there too). Just amazing how things can change quickly (and hopefully greatly) if you just keep your eyes, mind, and heart open...and just live each day the best way you know how. Anyway, don't really want to get ahead of myself...but I'll keep you posted. You may just want to keep next weekend open if you're looking for a kick ass going-away party or something (and I may have to cash in my "Help Me Move" chips in a few weeks once I start getting settled). Then again, you've heard all of this before...four months ago...when I was thiiiiis close to a job in Vegas...but everything happens for a reason. I'd be sweating bullets down there right now...and not just because of the triple digit weather. It all happens for a reason.


Here's yet another first for the web-based journals of Dr. Mookie Tockenbaut Love. Now, I've reviewed hundreds...maybe THOUSANDS of movies on this thing. Really. Probably more than a THOUSAND now that I think about it. All it would take is two or three per post. Anyway, this is a first in that field...because I will be reviewing my first pornographic film - "Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4" which came highly recommended by Filly after she picked it up on her latest trip to Evanston. Now I watch porno about as often as I read a book...which isn't very often. No, seriously. Porn doesn't really do it for me. I usually spend most of the time laughing...and the rest of the wondering "Why the hell am I not doing that? I'm bigger than that and I'm not even shaven." Anyway, I was told that I HAD to check this out...and it didn't disappoint. As you may have guessed, it's based on the adventures of the famous Star Trek television series. From director Cash Markman comes the tale of Captain (Randy Shears), Sperm, Boner, O'Whora, stumble upon a spaceship carrying precious cargo from the 21th century...porn stars in cryosleep including lovely ladies Katie Morgan, Malibu, Rita Faltayano, Vicky Vette, Gabriella Dreams, and the Hedgehog (and cosigner) himself, Ron Jeremy dressed as a space pirate. Fantastic. Despite the obvious lack of plot, the parody is simply fantastic. Randy Shears does a pretty good William Shatner. "We must...save the babes." Even the "captain's log" entries were actually quite entertaining. I honestly couldn't stop laughing until I was distracted by the predictable sex scenes (oral him, oral her, perpendicular penetration, flip her over, girl straddles, oral him, money shot, cheesy line of dialogue, next scene) which isn't a particularly bad routine...but you like to see a little more variety. I know I do when in those situations. Anyway, to sum it up, it's really quite entertaining with regards to other porns that I've seen...and it's so nerdy & funny that you won't feel quite as creepy watching it with friends either...depending on who your friends are...and just so you know, laughter can be a fantastic aphrodisiac. Check it out if you're into skin flicks. God, I hope my interviewer doesn't read my blog. That could be awkward. Here's a little clip courtesy of YouTube. Hi mom!!!



Last week, I watched the John Woo film "Windtalkers" starring Nicolas Cage for the first time but didn't mention it because I had already talked about a half dozen movies that day (See? Thousands may not be an exaggeration) but it was really good. The story is about two WWII U.S. Marines (Cage & Christian Slater) that are assigned to protect two Navajo Marines (Adam Beach & Roger Willie) whose language is being used as an unbreakable code that the Japanese can't decypher over the radio, which is an incredible asset in battle and probably saved the United States. Nic Cage's character received a purple heart already because he was suffered a perforated ear drum on his last mission where he was the only survivor of his platoon because he followed orders. Military intelligence loved it because he followed orders...but he's torn up about because everybody died and it was all his fault. He was in command. Now, his mission is to protect the Code "by any means necessary" meaning that the marine he protects...cannot be taken hostage...even if he has to bust a cap in his ass...grenade or napalm style if so needed. You can kind of tell where the story's going. He gets to know the other marine, he's a great guy, moral obligations come into question, and the movie continues to a fantastic climax that everybody should see. There's lots of explosion, enough slow motion that you know it's a John Woo film...but surprisingly few doves, and it's a pretty good war movie. I would highly recommend it...but I'm not going to lie, if you're squeamish and/or don't like war movies, watch something else...like National Treasure or something when you get your Nici Fit.



Sarah Barracuda vs. the Wilson Sisters - The rock group Heart, angry that its '70s hit "Barracuda" is being used as the unofficial theme song for Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin, is taking aim at the Alaska governor. The song, a nod to the "Sarah Barracuda" nickname Palin earned on the basketball court in high school, was dusted off for her appearance at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul on Wednesday. Heart singers Ann and Nancy Wilson said a "cease-and-desist" letter has been sent to the Republicans asking them not to use the song. "The Republican campaign did not ask for permission to use the song, nor would they have been granted that permission," according to a statement issued late on Thursday on behalf of the sisters. Of course, the McCain campaign said they obtained appropriate licensing and didn't just take it off the internet. Copyright law may not be on the Wilsons' side as the song is licensed for public performance under a blanket fee paid by the venue to ASCAP, the firm that collects royalties on behalf of composers and copyright owners. Now, I think that it's cool that Sarah Palin has a nickname like Barracuda…and even hotter that she earned it on the basketball court…but I would have gone with "Stacey's Mom" as her unofficial theme song…but maybe they're saving that for the official theme song…or perhaps composer John Williams is still working on it. Who knows? The Republicans are a mysterious bunch sometimes. It's awesome to see Heart back in the news though. By the way, they're touring with Cheap Trick right now…and have a few shows on the west coast if you're interested. Here's the link.



The Passing of a Pimp - Authorities in central Taiwan have turned off the red light at the county's last legal brothel after the death of its pimp aged 87 on Friday. Ai-Le was the last legal brothel in Nantou county in central Taiwan. Police revoked its permit because the 48-year-old business could not be transferred, the Liberty Times reported. Prostitution has been illegal in Taiwan since 1997 and licensing of new brothels stopped in 1974 but isolated illegal brothels can be found all over the island…so I'm told. Brothels licensed prior to 1974 were allowed to keep operating. The closure effectively leaves Ai-Le's two prostitutes, aged 40 and 50 (YEESH!!!) jobless. A photo in the newspaper shows Ai-Le as a building with a pink flower-print facade, rimmed by a tattered roof. Secretary-General Liang Wen-teh (like a poorly pronounced "Long Winter") said, "Actually, with this sort of thing, there's no real loss. The brothels may have legal permits, but that doesn't mean all the people inside are legal." Perhaps there's something lost in the translation…but I would think that is EXACTLY what it means. Now, moral instead of legal, you've got some wiggle room. It's truly a sad day in Taiwan, I'm sure…and I just can't get the thought of an 87-year old pimp and middle aged menopausal tricks walking around the drag. There's probably a reason they had a building…with a locking mechanism on the front door. Then again, the older the berry, the sweeter the juice. Am I right, ladies?



Yet Another Creepy French Guy - A French court sentenced a doctor on Monday to three years in jail for posing as a plastic surgeon and endangering patients by operating on them illegally in a derelict Marseille clinic. Michel Maure (Lilie can tell you how to pronounce it) went on trial in June accused of luring hundreds of patients to the dirty premises under false pretences between 2002 and 2004 and carrying out painful, unhygienic operations on them. Maure was also sentenced to pay a 75,000 Euro (about $107,600) fine and to compensate his victims, about 100 of whom had complained of disfigurement and permanent damage to their health. He went on the run while the court prepared its ruling and was arrested in Spain on August 19 after being spotted on a luxury yacht. (Yacht, you say?) Spain is expected to hand him over to France within days. Maure was a qualified doctor but not a trained plastic surgeon. He was struck off the list of recognized French doctors in 2007 over his activities at the Marseille clinic. The most amazing fact about this…is that he lured HUNDREDS of patients to his back alley clinic. Also, do French people really need any kind of plastic surgery? I've been there a few times…and sure, for the most part they're complete douches and need a personalabotomy…but they're usually beautiful people with lovely accents. I don't know. Maybe I just dig the whole eau naturale thing…but I'm a little biased, being the sexiest mother lover alive.



Sumo Wrestling Scandal - The head of Japan's sumo association resigned Monday after a young wrestler at his gym was accused of smoking marijuana, the latest in a string of scandals to hit the ancient sport. "I caused trouble to the sumo association and to fans, so I have resigned," Kitanoumi, chairman of the Japan Sumo Association (JSA), told a news conference after a meeting of the sport's top officials. Two Russian wrestlers tested positive for marijuana last week, setting off a media frenzy about abuses in the sport, which historians say dates back 2,000 years and which makes much of its respect for tradition. Hakurozan, who trains at Kitanoumi's gym or "stable", and his brother Roho, both denied smoking the drug (perhaps they ate them in brownie form). The positive test results came shortly after another Russian wrestler was arrested and fired for suspected marijuana possession. Both Roho and Hakurozan have been expelled from the sport. Kitanoumi, a grand champion "yokozuna" until he retired in 1985, had been facing growing criticism for the marijuana incidents and other recent scandals that have dented the sport's popularity. Still retaining many traditional Shinto religious overtones, sumo's pageantry and carefully choreographed ring-entering rituals play almost as big a role as the bouts, which sometimes last only seconds. Fans dismayed by the scandals say changes are needed. Japan's top government spokesman urged the JSA board, now a clique of former wrestlers, to bring in outsiders to improve management. What's amazing about this story…is that the entire sport is shook to its core…by a few 500-plus pound guys wearing loincloths doing a little puff-puff-pass. In America, we have aggravated assault, vehicular homicide, bar fights, dogfights, cockfights, rape, steroids, drunk driving, attempted murder, drug trafficking, drug addiction, poor sportsmanship, clubbing baby seals, simply childish behavior from role models, you name it, we see it on Sportscenter on a daily basis…and there's really nothing done. Maybe they're suspended for a game or two…after years of trial. Yet a few joints can disgrace an entire sport in Japan. Maybe there's something to be learned here…and that's I think there should be more Sumo Wrestling on TV.



Well, that'll do it for today. Tune in tomorrow when I may have an EXTREMELY LARGE announcement. Or not. In the meantime, wish me luck...or wish that I start the interview off by poorly singing hold music again. Whatever your preference. Have a great day everybody!!!