Why Do We Even Try?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Friday was a pretty good day. I woke up, blogged, did some running around, and then my mom showed up to go suit shopping...since with my new job (that I'm optimistic will be offered to me in the next few days) I'll be wearing a suit every day...and beating off the ladies with a stick (as dirty as that sounds, it's even dirtier). She, my stepdad, & I had lunch at Mimi's Cafe. Good food. Cute waitress. After that, my stepdad left...because apparently I was my mom's chauffeur back to her house (over an hour away) after we were done. Awesome. It's a good thing that I wanted to spend some time with her anyway. Our first stop was...honestly, I'm not sure of the official name...but it's a place a few blocks from my house and it's some kind of combination of "Big & Tall Men for Less Discounts For Women 14 Plus" or something like that. I kid you not. I'd say read the sign when you're in the neighborhood...but as the employees reminded us a few times, they were bought out by Casual Male XL and will be closing this store soon...so the already discount prices had an additional 25%-50% off. Nice. Our guide through this store was a man named Joe, who was probably in his late 40's, early 50's and a nice guy. He'd obviously been a salesman for a long time. We salesmen know our trade...and he did very well, especially for what's basically a discount store.

I'm going to admit, at first, I was REALLY regretting inviting my mother...because everything was "cute" and "an outfit" and I think she may be going colorblind. "Here try this brown suit on." "Mom, that's green." "No, this one." "You mean the one in your hands that you're offering to me." "Yeah." "Yeah, it's green." After a while though, I would just ignore her trying to convince me that a pink shirt would really bring out my eyes (not sure what that means exactly) and she offered to buy the clothes purchased at this store. Okay, I regretting it less now. I tried on a bunch of things and ended up getting a two suits (Barcelona green & navy blue pinstripe), cordoroy jacket, two shirts, three ties, some socks, and even got a few things like jeans...since it was a Big & Tall store. The only downside was the selection was slim of good stuff...because they're going out of business soon. It's also really hard when I look good in everything...especially a suit. Total Damage Here: About $400

The next stop was the Men's Wearhouse. By the way, did I mention that was wearing my Dee's Nuts T-shirt? Okay, well now you know. So we walked in...and we were greeted by a gentleman by the name of Charlie. Fifties, probably has grandkids, was a businessman, now a suit salesman that knows his stuff, and best friends with Randy from Earth, Wind, & Fire...so we got along really well. Fist bumps & off-color jokes were even involved. Like I said, he's a great salesman and established a rapport early. He even said things like "You know, you can say no if you don't like the suit. It won't hurt my feelings." "That's just it. I look good in everything. Damn my statuesque figure and chiseled good looks!" Basically, we were there for about two hours (I think) and we were pretty much the only people in the store, so everybody was walking up with other options to consider, offering water and all the usual stuff. Meanwhile, I tried on a bunch of stuff, checked myself out from all angles in those five-mirror setups...and basically just thought, "The ladies in Denver won't know what to do with this 46 chest, 36 waist, 26 sleeve, 18 neck, 39 inseam and 14 shoe. Watchoutnow!!! Excuse me, do you play for the Nuggets? Nah, they couldn't afford me. K'chow!!! K'chow!!!" From here, we got two more suits (a sorta chocolate brown & charcoal grey), an overcoat, two expensive but versatile ties, brown Italian leather shoes (bellisimoooo), polish & polish kit, and some more socks to match the suits. Total Damage here: I'll give you a hint. It's a fairly recent year...like Norman Rockwell was born this year...and Coca-Cola was first sold in bottles. Trying to remember the Coke commercial now, aren't ya? Well, it's 1894. Now throw a dollar sign in front of that...and you get $1894. So the total for the day...was about $2400. I had better get this job...or somebody's getting hurt. Oh...and in other financial news, the stock market seems to be in the shitter, including my retirement fund.

So I was feeling pretty fly. I was really looking forward to a new job with some new clothes. I had spent the day with my mom...which is usually a lot of fun...even though I'm pretty convinced that she watches too much HGTV because immediately after unsuccessfully trying to push a pink & lavender shirts on me (though I did get a tie with some purple...and I think salmon is just god-awful...anybody else?), she immediately said, "Let's go get your eyebrows plucked and put some streaks in your hair." "No." "Come on, do it for me." "No." "It'll look so nice and..." "No!" "It'll only take a minute and.." "NO!" "There's a place right there that we can..." "NO!!!" "Have it done and you'll be all..." (Like I'm talking to a deaf woman suffering from Alzheimer's) "NO!!!" "Set for Denver and all..." "Jesus Christ woman, open your f**king ears. NO!!!" She kept on babbling so I assume that she didn't even hear me...even after purposely trying to get her attention...so I just zone her out. Pay attention, ladies. Ever think that your man isn't listening? Here's why. Listening's a two-way street. After a few minutes, the car got really quiet, so I glanced over to see if she had talked herself to sleep...and she was looking at me like she wanted a response...so for the at least seventh time, "Oh, no thank you!" So I thought that'd be a good time to take her home so that she can get her HGTV fix...because she was obviously needing it...despite having spent four hours shopping with her adult son.

Saturday was substantially worse. Over the course of Friday night and Saturday morning, I was informed that my brother & sister-in-law were breaking up for reals this time (yes, at had been four weeks since their last breakup...but time really flies, right?). Apparently, this time, she was serious. Last weekend at the reunion, when she was there that Saturday night when my brother & I went home with the kids, she had been there telling everybody that my brother doesn't respect her and how he doesn't do anything for her and treats her like crap and so on...so one of my aunts offered her to stay in her basement. Allegedly, she still wanted to try to work it out (at least that's what she said). Over the last week, my brother had made an effort to show that he really wanted to make it work. He told me some of the stuff that he did to show that he was making an effort...and the whole time, she would brush him off and was talking to her man-hating school friends about how bad he is and basically just trying to convince herself that he's a horrible person who has never done anything for her...and that she should leave. Of course, those tricks don't know the situation except for what she tells them, so they probably think he's been on Cops a few times or something...and so they back up her decision...because what else are casual acquaintances for? She even texted me all night a few days earlier...and she was basically just trying to get my consent in doing something. However, I've seen this stuff happen before...and I told her it really doesn't matter what I say because you've already made your decision, you're just looking for somebody to confirm it for you...and if you ask enough people, you're going to get it. No matter how many people who know the situation tell you that you're a f**king idiot, if you can get ONE person to back up your decision, you're going to do it. (See: My brother marrying her in the first place) She found that person...and Saturday morning, after staying disconnected for an entire week until she could find a living situation that suited her, she had finally used my brother & his family enough...and decided to move out.

Am I being too hard on her? Maybe I am...or maybe not enough. Basically, what it boils down to...is that she wants to have the benefits of being married to my brother (Love, house, kids, financial support from the whole Love family, babysitter, food, have her school paid for, emotional support, cheap laughs, and basically just having a family) but doesn't want my brother anymore...except to take care of the kids while she goes out and does whatever...but they'll be around when she wants to do something involving them. Now, if I'm wrong, perhaps I just haven't been presented that side...but she's talked to me extensively throughout the marriage about it...and that's basically all that I can gather. Now, in her eyes, it's what's better for the kids and her because allegedly it'll be a better environment. I'm not there every day, given. However, whenever I'm down there, the only time that it doesn't seem like a wholesome family environment is that every four weeks for the past few months and she says that she's trying to talk to my brother...but either she's dreaming the whole thing and just telling people that or my brother's deaf...because I'll talk to him shortly after she tells me stuff like that...and he says that he hasn't seen her all day except for when she came home and went straight upstairs for a nap or to read some book about vampires. So, there's that side.

Now, my brother's not perfect by any means or stretch of the imagination. I mean...I'm his only friend it seems. He's very forward, brash, and pretty much a dick...but he loves his wife (otherwise he wouldn't have married her) and he loves his kids. He's given up a lot for the marriage...as I'm sure that she has. It's tough to give up a life of drugs, sex, parties, no responsibility other than to make yourself happy...just so that you can have a loving family to come home to and be responsible for. They both gave that lifestyle up...for each other. All of his friends that he used to hang out with...don't come by anymore. Why? They have no use for him (were casual acquaintances) or they have their own families and whatever else to do...and my brother's kind of a prick. So there's me, his big brother...who's probably moving to Denver soon (as he's been trying for Vegas since their first anniversary). His wife just left him for reasons she can't even really explain. She's probably going to get the kids if she wants them because this is the state of Utah. He's going to have to pay child support...because this is the state of Utah. He cleans toilets late at night for minimum wage because he has to watch kids while she goes to school during the day. So when I say something like, "It could be worse" and he replies "How?" My only response...after a few seconds delay is "You're dead sexy!!!"

Yesterday, I was basically on a Psuedo-Suicide Watch because if my brother's left to think by himself in situations like this...it usually ends badly. The first time she really left (three years ago), he basically drank whatever, smoked whatever, poked whatever, and just did whatever to make the pain go away...for about three months, then he mellowed out...then she came back pregnant with her "better option"'s baby...and he took her back. (All things considered, not that bad since when my dad get divorced he reacted in a similar fashion for a few years until my stepmom kind of saved him) We Loves love deep...even when logically, it's a messed-up situation. I'm the more level headed one (which scares the hell out of me sometimes) but when my brother tells me, "I know that you don't know how this feels" and I respond with, "Something like...there's this burning sensation right here between your heart and your sternum, your throat's bulging out like a frog's, you get this mind-numbing pain in the base of your skull, it feels like sulphuric acid is just forcing your eyeballs out of their sockets, you can't eat because your choking down your tears and food is never going to taste the same and you'll probably just puke it back up, you feel weak...like you have some kind of palsy coming over you, you simply can't stop thinking about it. You try to watch TV or cartoons or play video games or something...but everything seems to remind you of that one time she blah blah blah. You try to talk to family or friends...but you don't really want to because you don't want to break down like a little bitch in front of them. Even if it really is better for both of you, it doesn't matter because it feels like you're going to live the rest of your life in agonizing pain and you'll never find anybody ever again. You've always been there for her...and you helped her through the toughest times of her life...and when she's back on her feet, she just decides to leave you. You're right. I have absolutely no idea what that's like. You've got me there. Please, tell me how it feels. I'm intrigued." Then he'll stare at me for a second wondering who the hell destroyed me and why he never knew about it. "Okay, yeah it's something like that...only worse because it's your wife." "I have no doubt. That's why I'm here, bro."

So I basically bullspitted with him all day, making sure he ate (because he'd basically forgotten for a few days) and watched him play "Star Wars: The Force Unleashed" for a few hours making Wookie noises to get a rise out of him and distracting him from whatever I could. Reassuring him that there will be others. It'll be tough for a while...especially since she'll be bugging you every day about helping her financially and this and that...but in a few months, you'll move on and probably develop a callous of bitterness towards her around your heart...and you'll move on. Then when I'm in town, we'll take the kids down to the park...and passing joggers & single moms with their kids will stop by and introduce themselves, you'll invite them over for playdates, cook them up some macaroni & cheese, talk about the causes of your callouses and who knows? Am I or am I not the greatest brother alive? Sad thing is...I'm probably going to be the emotional tampon of my sister-in-law too. Why? Because otherwise she's going to rely on her crazy, cracked-out, man-hating school friends who don't know a damn thing about the situation except for her perceived reality of it...and they'll just say whatever to make them happy...not a real opinion. Oh...and guess who's there for my mom when she's crying about the whole thing...and the fact that her youngest is going through a divorce, her oldest (and favorite) is moving away, and her grandbabies are in a less than ideal situation? That's right. This guy.

Sometimes it makes me wonder why we even try. You know me, always an optimist. I hate to agree with cynics...but you can see their point. Why do we try to Love? The numbers are absolutely against us. You all know the numbers about marriages ending in divorce rising like it's petroleum-based. Even a nice chunk of those that stay married do so only because they have children...until they simply can't stand each other and explode (usually not literally). Even before marriage is even involved, the vast majority of your relationships are going to end in anything ranging from a mutual agreement of never see each other again to lying, cheating, stealing, vandalizing, emotionally crippling, stabbing, crushing, manipulating, and ending in some kind of police standoff to those crazy on-again, off-again things because you always think there's something better out there but then you're disappointed and come back...but wanna try again, just to make sure there's not something better out there. Maybe it's just the American way - Bigger, better, faster, stronger, richer, more, always moving forward...but it's still f**king crazy.



So why do we try? Because for every THOUSAND stories of crushed Love that ends up being the topic of conversation with your friends or in the records of the police department, there's ONE story of a great man celebrating his 70th anniversary with the woman of his dreams...who lives every day in ignorant bliss because she can't remember what year it is (sometimes Alzheimer's doesn't seem that bad) but they live every day just gazing into each other's eyes remembering all the Love that they've shared for the better part of a century. For every THOUSAND burning sensations in your chest and gallons of tears, there's a happy couple that raises wonderful kids and live in a house with a white picket fence and all that other Hallmark stuff and they just seem so happily married. Sure cynics, you may think that they're just putting on a show and behind the scenes their both banging the poolboy but maybe they really are happy...and you're just jealous. Ever think of that?

That's why we try. Because we have to believe that there's something like real Love in the world. Otherwise, our whole basis for reality crumbles and there's no point to any of it because we all die miserable and alone. That's why we should all live everyday to the fullest...and keep trying even though the numbers are so overwhelmingly against us. As for those numbers, think of this one for a second. You may go through a THOUSAND bad relationships...but there are over six BILLION people out there. So one in a thousand would be like 6 million people. Given your gender preferences, size/build preferences, whatever, there's still a few thousand people out that are "perfect" for you in your geographical area and probably waiting to meet you...and all you need is ONE. So keep that in mind when I tell you these horrible stories of Love gone wrong and how trying to make it work with what seems like the wrong kind of person isn't always in vain...but you have to have respect for yourself first and foremost. Just be careful out there...and Love with all of your heart...because there's really no other way to go about it. Otherwise you're just selling yourself short and you'll never get to feel those Highest Highs. Those Lowest Lows are a pain though. Still worth it.

Do you see what I did there? Even after a day of ultra-depressing situations and my family being rocked by a semi-treacherous little witch (just my opinion), I'm still going to be there for both of them...and the kids...and the parents...and anybody else dragged into this mess...because that's what family's for...and I look hot in my new suits. Not only that, it starts out all horrible and depressing and "Love is a lie" kind of tone...and then I try to turn it around...even though, to be perfectly honest right now, it's really hard to think that Love is awesome and the world's a fantastic place full of happy people living amazing lives full of all the good things. Then again, if I don't keep that attitude, what's the point? This too shall pass...and I wish you all nothing but the best...and that you find that One that you're looking for. I pinky swear that tomorrow will be a little more of the usual stuff. Today, I just wasn't feeling too good about the whole situation and thought about a few past situations similar to my brother's (though not really in the same ballpark, just the same sport). Have a great night everybody!!!