Yesterday at work, I had a nice little twelve-hour day that reminded me why I wanted a new job...but luckily coworkers like Lilie, Brooklyn, Mickey, JL Clyde, Bubbles, and A-Lo kept me entertained...and allegedly vice versa. After work, I went home, uploaded my pictures from the family reunion, then I fell for it. I fell for the marketing machine once again. Remember a few weeks ago when I told you about David Duchovny going into sex addict rehab? Well, I also happened to mention that it conveniently coincided with the start of the second season of his show "Californication" on Showtime. Well, Comcast On Demand has the first season of the show...and seeing as it was about a wiseass sex addict writer (that I surprisingly relate with) I thought that I'd give it a shot. It's quite an entertaining mix of comedy and family drama. It's not the greatest show ever...but I would definitely give it a try. About five episodes into it...and I think the expression that best sums it up is "I may not go down in history...but I will go down." Oh...and the whole series starts off with Mulder getting a BJ from a nun...in front of Jesus. What's not to like about the show? Here's the news...
Amsterdam Poledancing Update - Yet again, while I was doing boring and unfulfilling family activates this weekend, I missed out on the coolest thing ever. Thanks guys! Apparently, in the city of Amsterdam (which I have still yet to check out) this weekend, a host of girls from Albania to Spain flew in to compete for the European pole dance championship title. Wearing sportswear reminiscent of Olympic gymnasts rather than skimpy leotards, girls performed gravity-defying dance routines based around two 6-meter poles -- one rotating, one fixed. "Everything which we do requires so much strength. You train your legs and your muscles. It has nothing to do with eroticism. You have no time to think of that!" said Jeannine Wikering, the 26-year-old competitor for Germany who came third and has probably been haunting my dreams for the better part of a decade. "I think one day it should be an Olympic sport -- but that will take time. You would have to agree which moves on which to judge competitors, at the moment we all have such different routines." We can only hope. We can only hope. It may have nothing to do with eroticism (may just be incidental) but I'm sure it involves a lot of Passion…and that's hot.
Further Proof Aussies Know How to Party - The police minister in Australia's most populous state was forced to quit on Thursday over reports he "dirty danced" in underwear over the chest of a female colleague in a drunken late-night office party. Matt Brown resigned just three days after being sworn in as police minister of New South Wales state, which includes Sydney. Brown told reporters, "I'm a human being and I made a mistake and I am going to cop the consequences. I am not wanting to duck or weave this issue. As you can imagine this is a pretty tough day for me." Witnesses said Brown stripped down to his underpants and danced to loud techno music on a green leather Chesterfield lounge before he "mounted the chest" of a female politician and simulated a sex act. Brown did not deny stripping, but said he had not tried to simulate sex with his colleague. The party occurred in parliament three months before Brown was sworn in as police minister. Hmm, questionable timing I would say. Now, over the year or so that I've had this blog, there have been a few news bits about Aussies & Kiwis doing incredibly cool things in bars…but never somebody with this much authority. I'm sorry that a decision you made while drunk off your ass destroyed your career, Mr. Brown. If it makes you feel any better, I would have laughed…and probably cheered you on. I also expect that some time down the road…just so it's not as big of a surprise to everybody else out there…I'll probably jeopardize my career in some kind of sexual scandal (harassment, internet tape, public lewdness, general lechery, etc.) but apparently I'm not high enough up on the totem yet. Wish me luck y'all!!!
Cupid on the Loose? - Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects. "This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said police Chief Ben McBride. Some residents of Valentine, a town of about 2,650 people, find some humor in the strange vandalism and have taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit." But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks. "We were completely grossed out," said Kalli Kieborz, who works in a downtown building. "One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!'" The police chief is far from amused. "It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step." It started in spring 2007, when the window of a Methodist church was greased with an imprint. McBride figured it was a high school prank…but (no pun intended) the church kept getting hit, even after police staked it out. Now the police fear there are copycats out there…possibly a dozen of these nudity ninjas running around this once peaceful town called "The Heart City" in America's heartland.McBride said no one has reported seeing the vandal in action. The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year. The man was 6-feet-tall or slightly taller, and slender. He had a dark complexion, and McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a "1980s, feathered look." So see? Not me this time. I entertain myself in other ways…usually typing this blog, watching lame movies, dirty texting, or cutting myself while talking to your mom. Whatever the situation calls for. I can't wait until they find out that the "Butt Bandit" is their mayor. It's really going to catch them by surprise. The resignation while in the nude except for strategically placed hearts is going to be most awkward.
Can She POSSIBLY Get Hotter? - Megan Fox has nothing to hide. The candid 22-year-old "Transformers" star, who's currently engaged to actor Brian Austin Green, opened up to GQ about her love life, telling the magazine she was once in love with a female stripper. Fox, who appears on the October cover in a black bikini, said she was in the relationship when she was 18 and first living in Los Angeles alone. "Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me (are you kidding me?) and I decided — oh man, sorry, mommy! — that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita." Fox said Nikita would do "these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads." The actress also said she would bring the Russian stripper gifts and try to inspire her to quit her line of work. Despite the brief relationship with a woman, Fox said she does not identify herself as gay. "Look, I'm not a lesbian. I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. (Wow, where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah, every time I see Megan Fox's picture somewhere...but with a Panda instead of an ox) She's mesmerizing. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but ... oh boy." Fox also defended Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens regarding their racy photo scandals and said that she doesn't like Disney because they take "these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won't allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick."So let me get this straight. She's gorgeous, a talented actress, really likes to get her freak on, doesn't like the Media making her out to be a sex symbol / whore at the drop of a hat, that we all knew. Now she goes on to say that she's experimental with the fairer sex, likes sexy Eastern European accents, tried to convince someone to do something better with her life and save her, loves Aerosmith ballads, thinks Disney is the devil, and does it all while thinking about what her mom thinks. I mean...can she really get any hotter? She probably throws on the sexy Tennessee accent when she's off the clock. Ah well, maybe it's just another marketing ploy to get everybody to buy GQ (who doesn't have a subscription) and check out her new movie coming out soon. Surprised it wasn't mentioned in the article. Oh wait, Transformers was mentioned and it just came out on Blu-Ray. See? This is how I cool myself down after reading something like this. Sometimes I black out because blood rushes...elsewhere and that can get dangerous. You know, living alone, fall over, bang my head on something, found a week later, tragedy. Hence the expression "Looks that kill." Anyway, super hot. Hope that she's happy with Brian Austin Green.
As for me, still no word on anything resembling Denver...but everybody's curious as to what's going on. I'd also like to wish a Happy Birthday to the Mad Scientist today!!! If you don't read his blog, you definitely should. He's got one for his thoughts, one for movie reviews, and one for photography. The latest has a simple yet true proof to prove that Work is Evil. Check it out. Check his math. Have a great day everybody!!!
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