I Never Seen A Man Eat So Many Chicken Wings

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

I was talking to Bubbles last night...and she asked me, "You've got a case of the Phuckits, don't ya?" For those who don't know, that's basically when you just go to work...and there's really no motivation behind it because your mind is elsewhere...and so if something comes up, where normally you'd be all on it like Blue Bonnet, you decide to say "Phuckit" and relax. She was absolutely right. Not that I'm not doing my job or anything like that...but I've been privy to letting my mind wander off a bit the past few days, as you might expect. Everybody's been awesome and wishing me good luck and how the move to Denver's going to be awesome and exciting and just what I need and all of that...and I agree. Some are surprised by how casually I play it off...but yeah, still super excited about it. In fact, today we have big whig corporate visitors...so I have to show off some of the new wardrobe. That's right, ladies. You may be lucky enough to witness my new Barcelona Green suit, Italian Leather size 14 shoes (bellisimooooo), and one more surprise...let me just unfasten this button around my waist...and voila!!! Go ahead, take your time, let it all sink in...inch by inch. That's right, it's all real. The matching leather belt. You may touch it...but please...be gentle.

JL Clyde & I went to Brewvie's to watch a free late night screening of "South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut" one of my favorite musicals of all time...and we could have beer & nachos while we watched it. This is actually a big thing here in Utah. Not sure about other states. It was fantastic, of course. Because we showed up a little early, we also got to catch the last half hour of "The Dark Knight" and now JL Clyde wants to see the rest of it. Apparently my word (and that of every single person to see the movie) wasn't enough to convince her to check it out...but now that she knows how it ends...she wants to check it out. Gee, I wonder if she was a big Titanic fan...or Schindler's List...or probably Rocky too. "In Rocky III, you actually bet AGAINST Rocky?" "Hinesight is 20/20 my friend." (Brownie points if you get the movie reference...and by brownie points, I mean a free beer at my Going Away Party on Saturday) Now, here's the news...

Batman Update - There's a new actor playing Batman…and his name is Armie Hammer. Now, before you go and say something stupid like "I think I saw a porno with him in it once" like I did, let me drop some knowledge on ya. Mad Max & Happy Feet director (quite the versatility) George Miller is set to direct the (eventually) forthcoming Justice League movie some time in the next decade or so…and he has handpicked this unknown actor to play Bruce Wayne / Batman. Hammer insists he has not intention of stirring up a battle of the Batmans (good for him). "That guy's got his s--t down," Hammer says of Bale…but then he goes on to say, "My codpiece is bigger." Say what you will…but the guy's got some balls to even joke about that. Of course, you may be asking yourself, "Who the f**k is Armie Hammer and was he named after a brand of baking soda?" To answer the latter question first, he's allegedly not named after Arm & Hammer baking soda…but is the grandson of oil tycoon Armand Hammer (who is named after baking soda). Now for the former, he's been on episodes of Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, and he's apparently starring in a movie called "Billy", an independent film about the Reverend Billy Graham about the religious leader's early years costarring Bionic Woman star Lindsay Wagner as his mother and Martin Landau (apparently still alive) as a lifelong friend. Still waiting for the throwdown between Bale & Hammer. Hell, that even sounds like a great fight to promote. Hammer versus Bale…in the Octagon…as they found out who's Baterang packs more Bang. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday…

Cuckoo Cock - A Swiss adventurer flew into the history books Friday by crossing from France to Britain on only a jet-powered wing, describing afterwards how he felt "like a bird" over the English Channel. 49-year-old Yves Rossy touched down in a field on top of the white cliffs of Dover, England after completing the 22-mile journey over one of the world's busiest shipping lanes. "I have proved it is possible to fly like a bird," he said with a big grin, adding: "My aim (was) to realize the dream. You have an idea in your head, and to actually achieve it is the most gratifying thing you can do." Asked how he felt, he joked: "It's a mixture of ecstasy and trying to stay concentrated -- because I was thinking, the water is pretty cold down there." With the carbon wing strapped to his back, Rossy had leapt out of a small plane at an altitude of 2,500 meters over the French coast before jetting off at speeds of more than 200 kilometers per hour. Rossy, who calls himself FusionMan (Rocketman was already taken) was originally scheduled to make the flight Wednesday, but postponed twice due to bad weather. In 2004, he became the first man to fly with jet-powered wings. He was aiming to trace the route of French inventor Louis Bleriot, who became the first person to fly across the English Channel in a plane 99 years ago, taking 37 minutes for the trip. Asked what the future could bring, Rossy added: "Why not do flights like this with teams of people? Imagine the Red Arrows (the aerobatics team of Britain's Royal Air Force) like this. It is an exciting prospect." Ballsy!!! Excellent job sir. Kudos to you and your testicular fortitude for flying the Chunnel.

Lesbos Update - Whenever the Greek island of Lesbos makes the news, you know that I have to mention it. Usually for the same reason that I have to watch a movie involved natives of the island. Anyway, two airplanes due to land on the Greek island of Lesbos had to circle above the Aegean sea for more than half an hour because an air traffic controller overslept. An Olympic Airlines aircraft, arriving from the Greek capital Athens, and a Slovakian Airlines plane made several failed attempts to contact control tower personnel. A police official said, "They were calling the tower to get directions, but no one would answer. The woman (native Lesbian woman) later said she overslept." The airport's secondary control service assisted the pilots to land after they had circled for 40 minutes. Police said the controller, who was not named, would be suspended for a few days. Thus ends the story…but it makes you wonder (or at least me wonder) do Lesbian women dream about other Lesbian women? Discuss.

Pregnant Grandfather - A patient treated for agonizing abdominal pain received this surprising news in the hospital's paperwork: "Based on your visit today, we know you are pregnant." Surprising indeed for 71-year-old John Grady Pippen. The staff at Curry General Hospital in Gold Beach, Oregon gave the retired mechanic and logger the ridiculously happy news this month, along with some pain pills. Hospital administrator William McMillan says an errant keystroke caused the hospital's computer to spit out the wrong discharge instructions for the grandfather. Apparently they found the Any Key. Reading that sentence though, is it weird that I basically read "errant (blah) stroke caused (noun) to spit out (adjective) discharge" and suddenly this meaningless story about a typo because really, really creepy. Is there something wrong with me, doc? You know what, I'm going to another hospital for a diagnosis on this one. No offense…but you just told that guy that he was having twins.

Well, that'll do it for today. Still have a lot of packing to do...and I blame all my awesome friends & family for that. If you didn't make it so enticing to simply hang out with you guys & gals instead of actually getting some work done, you'd make the tedious part of this whole moving scene so much easier to be done. I'm not complaining by the way, just stating a fact. You're awesome...and I'm gonna miss all of you...but you're gonna visit me because I just so much damn fun to hang out with...so it's all good. You're gonna need your Mookie fix every few weeks...and you're gonna be spending hundreds of dollars a month in gas to get it. Go ahead, try the twelve-step program. See how that helps. Once you've had a taste, you're hooked. Man, that got really evil really quick. Anyway, thanks again to everybody out there...and have a great day!!!

GOING AWAY PARTY IS SATURDAY!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Going Away Party will be this Saturday, October 4th at Boss Man B's house. Write, email, or call me if you want details and would like to be invited. It's going to be one helluva shindig...and you'll get to meet a vast majority of my family, friends, and acquaintances while getting your drink on...and I believe Rock Band will be involved as well, if that's your thing. It's gonna be a fun time.

Last night, JL Clyde & I watched "The Land That Time Forgot" starring Doug McClure (Troy's brother) and Sarah Penhaligon (which I believe is an 18-sided shape). It intrigued us because it was about a hijacked U-boat during the first World War...and then after a few wrong turns, they end up around Antarctica...and then a tropical environment full of dinosaurs and cavemen. However, the special effects were...certainly "special" but more like the kid that wore a helmet all the time at school. It was still mildly entertaining to watch the guys attacked buy a rubber dragon or something...but I would pass on this movie if I were you. It just doesn't make a whole helluva lotta sense. So here's the news...

Bacon Update - A pig the size of a Shetland pony trapped an Australian woman in her village home for TEN DAYS earlier this month. 63-year old Caroline Hayes tried to leave her house in Uki in northern New South Wales to use the outdoor toilet but says the animal bit her and shoved her back inside. "It's a beautiful male pig but he's just so big and so pushy. The rangers came out to my house yesterday with a dog cage and this pig is that big, it's like trying to put an elephant in a dog cage. They tried for a little while and they couldn't do it. They got him halfway in and he just backed off and went back to my dam, where he was having a lovely time in the water." Hayes said she and her neighbours began feeding the pig, whom they named Bruce, when it showed up at their homes a few days earlier after its owners could not handle it and let it loose in the rainforest...but it became aggressive, demanding more food and biting her on the leg when she tried to go to the toilet. Well, a little follow up to this story, a few days later...the 80 kg pig (that's over a HUNDRED packages of bacon & other pork products y'all) was put out to stud. That's what I like to hear. Sure, it's disappointing that I won't get to taste Bruce's sweet meat (as gay as that sounds) today...but there will be future generations of these behemoths to enjoy for many mornings in the future. Now if only we could engineer lobsters the size of compact cars...

Panda / Denver Update - Oh yes, there are pandas in Denver...and they're Red. Red panda cubs born June 29 at the Denver Zoo got a clean bill of health in their latest checkup. Amaya and Takeo aren't on exhibit yet but it will be only a few more weeks until the public can see them. Amaya is female, and Takeo a male. The twins were born with cream-colored fur but now have adult markings. The zoo says they resemble "red-colored raccoons." Parents Sophia and He-Ping (pile of poo?) came to Denver last year as part of a species-survival plan and proved to be a good match. Sophia is nurturing her babies herself. So now there's a reason to go check out the Denver Zoo when the nieces & nephew come to town.

Yoda Cat - A very unusual cat has skyrocketed to fame around the Chicago area recently. A cat from Hampshire, Illinois is making a splash for her striking resmblance to the Star Wars character “Yoda.” The cat is owned by Don and Cindy White of Hampshire. This was all that the article had...but I have my own theory as to why this cat is unusual...and I think it's because its mother was involved with a pitbull. That's just my theory. Not sure what the scientific possiblities and the matching of chromosomes or whatever would play out off hand...but that's just my theory. Look into that cat's eyes and tell me that there's not a possibility that that's the bastard child of a pitbull and one of those hairless freak cats. You can't! Anyway, just thought you might wanna check it out.

Beavers All Over Trojans - Other working titles include "Beavers Smother Trojans", "Trojans Busted by Beavers", "Beavers Taste Sweet...Victory", "SoCal Stunned by Mighty Beavers" and "Sloppy Beavers Overpower Floppy Trojans." Yes, I have no life...but the Oregon State University football team, the Beavers won their game against the previous #1 team in the country, the USC Trojans on Thursday. That's really all there is to that...besides the incredible headline possibilities. Let's see BYU is up to #8 in the polls, the University of Utah is up to #15 (until they beat the Cougars in a few months) and this may be my last college football update until the the University of South Carolina Gamecocks play the University of Tennessee Volunteers on November 1st. Then again, the Cocks also play the Rebels of Ole Miss (who upset the Florida Gators this weekend) next week. "With a rebel yell...she cried more, more, moooore..." Oh...and the Beavers take on the Utes this weekend. GO UTES!!! This is why everybody loves college football...the sophomoric humor.

The Secret of Life - Walter Breuning of Great Falls, Montana said the secret to living a long life is staying active. And he should know. The retired Great Northern Railway worker celebrated his 112th birthday on Sunday. Breuning said that if "you keep your mind busy and keep your body busy, you're going to be around a long time." About 60 people helped Breuning celebrate his birthday at the Rainbow Retirement and Assisted Living Community, where he has lived for 30 years (so now the great-great-great-great-grandkids can avoid seeing him). Rainbow employee Merry Coats was one of them. She said Breuning has a great attitude and always focuses on the positive. "He wakes up every morning, puts his feet on the ground, and it's a good day," she said. As of Monday, Breuning was the 27th oldest person in the world, according to the Gerontology Research Group's Web site. The site lists 115-year-old Edna Parker of Indiana as the oldest. Breuning was born in Minnesota in 1896 and moved to Montana 90 years ago (Was it a state back then?). He told partygoers about the changes he's seen over the decades, having lived in the days when there was no running water, to modern times when there are "buttons for everything." Technological breakthroughs such as radio, TV, automobiles and computers make life more pleasant, but "sometimes I wonder if we appreciate what has freely been given to us," he said. Breuning told the group to love and appreciate their family and friends, and "above all, thank God for the many blessings he's given us throughout the years. That is your Sunday sermon — and no collection." Hmm, sounds like somebody else likes to say no need to thank me, just pay it forward. Amazing!!! I mean...simply amazing the stories that he must have. The man was middle aged during the last Great Depression. Maybe he has an answer for these hard economic times too. Mr. Breuning, what would you suggest? "I was a railway worker until I retired...during the Eisenhower administration." WOW!!! That's it. Bring back Ike. I don't know why...but I always liked that guy.

That'll do it for today. Just a bunch of stuff that I need to do still to get ready for the move...but I'm super excited for it now...and the party this weekend. Hope to see all of you there!!! Have a great day!!!

Isaiha's Wedding

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday, I went over to my dad's so that we could carpool over to my buddy Isaiha's wedding later in the day. My dad was fixing the wall of a greenhouse in his backyard so I helped him with that for a few hours and got it taken care of for him. After that, we left just in time to get to the wedding about an hour drive away. The drive there was nice though...through Weber Canyon and over Trapper's Loop to the beautiful city of Eden. Here are some pictures...

The wedding was held at Wolf Creek and was a beautiful location. Isaiha's been my buddy for over twenty years now...but since I moved out here to Slick City, I haven't seen him or his family as much as I used to...so I was seeing a few people there for the first time in well over a decade. For example, his sister Tonya used to babysit me...and that was about the last time that I saw her. She was there. His mom's had a crush since I was about twelve years old (and don't think that I remind him that I could be his stepdad if really wanted to). She was there. Good times. Here are some pictures of the ceremony, which his brother Jake performed.

My brother & his family, all dressed up

"DEAD MAN WALKING!!!"

Isaihia & Jake

Isaiha's mom & brother Thomas

The kids - Isaiha, jr. & Seria

Father of the Bride & Arwen, my new "sister-in-law"

The first kiss as Husband & Wife

That sum'bich stole my idea of the playing

the Monday Night Football theme music!!!

Next thing you know, they'll name their kids Lelu & Korbin

Oh well, congratulations to the newlyweds!!!

The reception afterwards was a lot of fun. The groom and groomsmen were all hanging on the balcony drinking and smoking and having a great time. It was just like any other weekend...but with a better dress code. His brother Andy (Spitsofrantic), Jake, my brother, we were all there just BS'ing and talking about "back in the day" stories, marriage, relationships, football, whatever. Great times. Here are some more pictures...

The Best Man's speech

Isaiha, Andy, & Jake

First Dance

The Cat Fight

Smoke Break

Isaiha & my dad

After all that, I came back home and watched some more "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and that show is hilarious. I highly recommend it to anybody looking for a laugh. Other than that, nothing much to tell. So much stuff to do to get ready for Denver. Oh...and sorry there are no pictures of me in my suit...but have patience. You'll get to see the goods one day. Arrangements for the Going Away Party are being squared away too...but I should have them ironed out by tomorrow. Saturday night is about the only certainty. Prepare yourselves for a night of fun, excitement, and debauchery in honor of one of the greatest Americans of our time...ME!!! Okay, so it's just an excuse to get drunk & grabby. I'M GOING TO DENVER!!! Have a great day everybody!!!

Pretty Big Day

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Let's see, where to begin. Woke up, went back to sleep, woke up again, took a shower, walked downstairs, got some breakfast, watched some Sportscenter, blogged a bit, did some pushups, #2, went into work to drop off a movie for Filly, talked to a few people, Lilie & I talked about...something, can't really remember what, probably that I'm a horrible speller or don't know how to speak French or something, got an email from somebody saying to call them, called them, was offered a job in Denver, crapped my pants, cleaned up, talked to my boss, drank some water, had "Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey Goodbye" stuck in my head for some reason, and then it gets kind of fuzzy after that. Oh, so yeah, I got a call from Denver...and I GOT THE JOB!!! My first day there will be on October 8th...and my last day at work here will be on October 2nd...and in between will be (a lot of packing) and a Going Away Party which will be Saturday, October 4th...and the location will be forthcoming.

I am super excited and super anxious at the same time. As I may have mentioned once or twice on this blog, I've been looking into jobs elsewhere for a while...and now I finally have one...and it's supercool. Now, I'm worried that I don't really know too many people there in Denver, I really don't have any place to live right now, my new job is going to be VERY different from my current job, being so charming and wearing suits every day I'm going to have to keep the ladies at a distance to avoid "unwelcome advances" or whatever my HR director calls them. However, the good is that I'll have a new adventure in a city that I barely know...but am learning more every day, I'll be able to meet new people, experience new things, live in a new apartment (maybe without a giant hole in the ceiling), get some new job experience and learn more from that, and being so charming and wearing suits every day I'm going to have to keep the ladies off with a stick. So yeah, I'm scared a little...but really excited too. Like I'm standing at the open door of a plane, ready to dive out the door to the wheat field about two miles down. Let's just hope that I remember to pack the parachute.

My friends were glad to see me get the job, but sad that I'm actually leaving. I spent a few hours at work with a lot of them...but yeah, they'll get over it. They still know my email, phone number, and that they'll probably hear every step along my crazy adventure on this blog. My family is excited...yet bummed...but understanding too. My dad gave me a hardy "YEAH DUDE!!!" when I told him...and then offered to let me use his truck and that he was more than willing to ride with me to Denver to help unload and stuff. That's my dad. My stepmom called shortly after FROM DENVER to congratulate me. She was on a return flight from Billings. My mom was just about in tears...but excited for me. Same with my brother. See, the timing of this thing was...awkward for them, what with my sister-in-law telling them that she's going to sign the divorce papers in the next few days, all the drama that the situation has brought up anyway, and now their only friend / baby boy is moving to Denver, a seven hour drive away. They understand though...and said they'll visit whenever possible. Hell, during a half-hour conversation with my brother last night, he even mentioned possibly moving to Denver too. We shall see.

Oh...and in case, you're interested, here's the "Fond Farewell" letter that I sent to hundreds of current and former coworkers informing them of my decision. Some identities have been changed to protect the innocent...

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It is with both a heavy heart and child-like giddiness that I tell you that I have accepted the position of (Prime Pimp) in Denver. My last day here will be on Thursday, October 2nd and I'll start my new position the following week. Over the last eight years (and a few summers before that), I have grown from a lanky four-eyed child with absolutely no tact and/or game into a charming, slightly less lanky two-eyed man...who can at least make people crack a smile once in a while...but still no game. Now, I must move on and gain some of that "real world experience" and grow as an individual - personally, professionally, physically, & spiritually. I'll also be a tall, good-looking man in his twenties wearing three-piece suits at a five-star hotel that hosts plenty of celebrities. See ya on the cover of Entertainment Weekly...or at least one of the paparazzi magazines.

I am truly going to miss those of you who I talk to on a daily basis and who have let me into your lives...and even met a few of your kids. Cute kids by the way. We'll always have the memories of the romantic vacations we've gone on together (JW, Mother Tucker, Double Dee, and don't think for a minute that I forgot about Jamaica, Boss Lady J). I'll also miss helping a number of you move into your new homes (payback time next week?). The late nights where I handed out TONS of food to smiling thank you's, resetting passwords, explaining the mysteries of our computer systems, singing sweet hold music while I looked up information, all that & more will be truly missed.

To the Supervisor Desk, the greatest desk ever (that's right, I said it), I will miss all of you. Captain Monty, I'll miss you talking about working out, complimenting me on my solid physique, and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I'm still waiting to find out the secret to your favorite beverage, Muscle Milk. Camb, the 3rd leg in the tripod of the OG Supervisors, we've been through a lot too...and I'd still be honored to have you teach my kids someday. The Mad Scientist, thank you for sharing your cartoons with me...and talking about movies for hours a day. JL Clyde, your nerdiness makes me feel so much better about my own. There's probably a few more on the desk...but I've been pretty much zoned out for over a year now, so I don't recall much about them. Something about softball (Cat), tasty crepes (Lilie), big purses (Mickey)...okay, so I'm really just trying to be brief because I tend to ramble. I'm going to miss you all madly...but I know that you'll be visiting me a lot.

I'll miss the wonderful managers over the years telling me how great my monitor scores are...and their incredible leadership, assistance, pay raises, back rubs, and guidance over the years. Most of all, I'm going to miss the dozens of you who I have had the pleasure of partying and getting drunk with...both after hours and on vacation...and getting paid for it. God, I miss fam trips. We should really bring those back. VIVA LA FAM TRIPS!!!

That being said, I will probably get to hear your sweet, sultry voices on a daily basis still because I'm working at one of the Regional offices...but please feel free to keep in touch. You've all got my number...and aren't afraid to use it late at night...whether it's when you're feeling hot & bothered or have a question about using the systems. Either way, it's understood that at some time during the conversation, I'm going to ask you what you're wearing. You all have my email...so feel free to send me the same old bad jokes and questionnaires about my favorite subject...ME!!! Also, for those of you who don't know, you can keep track of my random thoughts & crazy adventures in Denver through my blog at http://drmookielovejr.blogspot.com but make sure that you do it on your own time...because the Internet at the center is for work purposes only.

I know what you're all thinking...and I honestly have no idea what you're going to do without me. Also, to be perfectly honest, I've had a rough draft of this letter sitting in my Inbox for over four months and just went through it today to change Las Vegas to Denver...so you knew eventually this day was coming. However, I have the utmost confidence in all of you in keeping this the greatest place to work in the state of Utah (so I don't offend my new employers) and if you ever need somebody to talk to...please call the Supervisor Desk. I'm just playing...you know the digits. Holla. I look forward to hosting all of you on your next trip to the Mile High City. Oh...and I'll keep you posted on the Going-Away Party (and yard sale to get rid of a lot of my stuff). Keep Saturday, October 4th open...just in case. Drink responsibly and always have a designated driver...but this time it won't be me. I wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Thank you for all the wonderful years of friendship,

$teve a.k.a. Dr. Mookie Love

Tearjerking, I know. I have a way with words, I'm told. After sending that, handling a lot of work issues with my future transition, and BS'ing with JL Clyde & the Mad Scientist for a few, I went to meet up with the legendary and lovely Bone Junior. See, a few days ago, I mentioned this wonderful show called "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" and how I now planned on watching all the seasons out on DVD. Well, I also wrote her an email as to wear I can purchase the Rockin' Tata T-shirts that I've seen on her blog. She then wrote me back saying that she LOVES "Sunny in Philadelphia" and would be more than happy to loan me the first two seasons to watch. So we arranged to share a meal (to make it worth her while) and exchange the DVDs for a few days. We met up at Ruby Tuesday's (which apparently has the greatest croutons in the history of mankind...and I can confirm that I have yet to taste any better) and we talked for about two hours about movies, TV shows, Philadelphia, our jobs, my new job, nieces & nephews (by the way, Kairi is pronounced Ky-Ree), how Rocky is great underdog story, not just a collection of montages...that just kind of tapers off towards the end (Rocky V was lame...but Rocky Balboa was better), how we've both managed to avoid sexual harassment lawsuits (so far), how we use our charm & tits...er, I mean wits to our advantage, and just had a grand olde tyme. Thank you for the wonderful meal and loaning me those discs, Bone Junior. By the way, I thought it was hilarious that Dee's vibrator is named $teve...and is that a penis in your pants?

So yeah, big day yesterday. Follow it up today...with my lifetime service award winner (buddy since 2nd grade) Isaiha getting married today. I'll be sure to take some pictures...and maybe a few of me in one of my new suits. Oh yeah ladies, be prepared. That'll do it for today. Big thanks to everybody out there with wishing me well...and feel free to stop by Denver any time when I get there...and keep the evening of Saturday, October 4th open for the Going Away Party. There will be plenty of fun & shenanigans to be had. Even Boss Man B offered his home as a location because there'll simply be too many people for my apartment...and the cops aren't invited...except for maybe the sexy female stripper kind. You know, Halloween is right around the corner. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

I Can't Fathom It

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,


So I didn't do too much of anything yesterday. I can't really lie about that. In fact, do you know what I did? I finished up the Poltergeist trilogy...midday. I watched "Poltergeist III" starring Tom Skerritt, Nancy Allen, and Lara Flynn Boyle...as well as the usual Heather O'Rourke and Zelda Rubinstein (the "Magical Midget"). The movie was pretty much more of the same. The little girl is with her aunt & uncle now in a Chicago skyscraper...but Kane, the creepy old demon guy has followed her there...and hijinx ensues. Probably the most impressive thing about this movie is that a vast majority of the special effects are just different camera angles using a lot of mirrors, which seem to line the walls of all the rooms, hallways, elevators, and basically everything except the parking garage in this building. There are a lot of body doubles and fake mirrors and what-have-you...but it's still quite impressive. Kudos to director Gary Sherman. Other than that, yeah, it's a horror flick, rated PG. If you miss it, don't feel too bad.



I also finally watched a movie that my brother suggested called "Buying the Cow" starring Jerry O'Connell, Ryan Reynolds, Bill Bellamy, Bridgette Wilson, and Alyssa Milano. It's basically a buddy comedy about a guy named David (O'Connell) who is a commmitment-shy LA yuppie whose girlfriend of many years (Wilson) gives him an ultimatum: commit or get out. David has two months to decide if he wants to stay with Sarah as she leaves town for a job in New York. Following the advice from his more outgoing friends (Reynolds & Bellamy), he hits the dating scene as he tries to find his one and only soul mate, a mysterious woman he sees again and again, but always gets away before he can talk to her. It's a pretty typical buddy comedy with the stereotypcial schauvenist pig friend and more sensitive friend, plans that go awry, stories of writing love letters to an eleven-year old, and basically centers around the saying, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" Actually towards the end, there's actually quite the profound little speech by Jerry O'Connell (which shocks me considering all the other movies that I've seen him in). You may want to give it a shot. It has its moments. Basically, if you liked "Tomcats" but thought it was too disgusting, this is a nice alternative. It's a little sweeter.


Yesterday, I also watched the first two episodes of the TV show that apparently everybody else has seen called "Heroes" about people who discover that they have superpowers. I really, really enjoyed it. Now, I've only seen the first two episodes, so don't spoil it for me...but I like it because it's like one of my favorite movies out there "Unbreakable" but with multiple character background stories discovering that they have the powers, inner conflict with how they react to these new abilities, special effects, and because I've seen commercials on TV, bad guys. Can't wait to continue the story. Until then...here's some movie news...


Johnny Depp Update - So apparently in one press conference, Johnny Depp announced that he would indeed be starring in a fourth installment of "Pirates of the Caribbean" as Jack Sparrow, in superbuddy Tim Burton's "Alice In Wonderland" as the Mad Hatter, and in the future Bruckheimer production of "The Lone Ranger" but here's the twist...he will not be the Lone Ranger...but rather his sidekick Tonto. Not a bad day for him or his agent, I would say. Now, because all of these movies that he's been rumored to be in seem to be coming true, I think I'm going to throw in another one...involving the next installment of the Batman movie series. Now, I know there are the rumors all around about Philip Seymour Hoffman playing a gun-running Penguin...and Johnny Depp trying to one up Jim Carrey as the Riddler (good luck with that, playa) but I'm going to say...that Johnny Depp is going to play the Mad Hatter in the next Batman. There, I said it. Easiest $20 million you ever made. You don't even have to change the character. No need to thank me, just pay it forward...to my checking account.


McAdams To Star In Holmes Movie - Sorry to disappoint, but Rachel McAdams isn't starring in the new John Holmes biopic (it's a damn shame...but they simply won't pay me enough to star in "Boogie Nights 2: Happy Endings for All") but rather she will play the love interest of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey jr) in the Guy Ritchie version coming out...well, not soon enough. The character she plays is Irene Adler who appeared in only one story "A Scandal in Bohemia" from 1891. Filming starts next month in the United Kingdom.


Megan Fox Update - Megan Fox is being sought to star in the feature adaptation of the late Michael Turner's comic book "Fathom" for Fox Atomic reports The IESB. The story centers on a young woman named Aspen who goes on a water-based adventure after discovering she's part of a race of aquatic humanoids named The Blue (Why am I thinking of Jessica Alba dolphin kicking "Into the Blue"?). Fox (the company, not the hottie) is currently seeking writers for the film which has been in development with James Cameron's Lightstorm Entertainment and seemed to have fallen apart due to scripting issues. Now, to clarify the key points...we're talking about Megan Fox...as basically the Little Mermaid with the ability to control water...so the wardrobe will be quite remarkable...and James Cameron's involved in the development (Again, why am I thinking of Jessica Alba as "Dark Angel" now?)...and reading through the summary of the comic book series on Wikipedia, I think that I can help with the scripting problems.



It's a story of self-discovery of your superpowers (see "Heroes", "Unbreakable", "Smallville", and turn up the heat), fighting giant sea creatures in a Moby Dick-esque storyline...and most exciting, at the very end of the first movie (because what's the point if you can't do a few sequels?), Aspen comes up out of the water onto a boat (in slow motion with a torn outfit after a might battle, of course) and standing there to congratulate her...and ask for her help in a new adventure...is the Tomb Raider herself, Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie). That's right, there's an extablished, preexisting tie-in with the Tomb Raider...and just a few weeks ago, Fox (the hottie) mentioned that she has thought sexy, sexy thoughts about her & Jolie in a little hot girly stuff...and I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom real quick. There, I'm back. Where was I? Yeah, this ugh...this could be a good thing if it goes through. Maybe too good. Because as mentioned in the book "Choke" - Nothing is ever as good as you can imagine it. This meeting of two celestial bodies in the middle of Earth's ocean could wipe out existence much like the end of the dinosaurs...though I beg to differ, I have been pleasantly surprised a few times...and my imagination is running wild right now. I could probably have a script by Monday if you're interested. I can't fathom how good this movie could really be. Okay, back to reality...


Wall Street 2? - Amid the economic clusterfunk that has finally come tumbling down, for some reason, actor, son of Spartacus, and the guy bangin' Catherine Zeta-Jones himself, Michael Douglas had to field questions Wednesday about the financial turmoil shaking world markets from reporters recalling his role in the 1987 film "Wall Street." The actor sought to focus on the subject of Wednesday's news conference — urging the United States and eight other holdout nations to ratify a nuclear test ban treaty. Douglas won an Academy Award for portraying the rapacious banker Gordon Gekko, who popularized the phrase "greed is good" in the movie. After world leaders here condemned the "boundless greed" of world markets, Douglas was asked to compare nuclear Armageddon with the "financial Armageddon on Wall Street" but the likening to Gekko did not end there, with a reporter asking: "Are you saying Gordon that greed is not good?" Douglas replied, "I'm not saying that...and my name is not Gordon. He's a character I played 20 years ago." How sad is it that our reporters are resorting to asking actors...at a nuclear test ban treaty conference...about how to overcome the economic downturn? Obviously, Gordon Gekko was part of the problem. We should have asked ourselves, WWJD? As in, what would Jack (T. Colton) do? He can save the day. Why? What does the T stand for? Trustworthy.


Now, I don't think that I'm alone when I say that the current economy kind of scares the crap the out of me...mostly because I've read a few history books and the government buying out $700 billion in bad debt and printing more money sounds eerily familiar to what happened during the Great Depression...but not in the United States...rather half the world away in Germany, where a wheelbarrel full of Deutsche Marks couldn't buy you loaf of bread because of inflation...and it took a charasmatic (and crazy ass) leader to lead them out of depression...and into another World War. I thought that maybe I was just being a little paranoid...and I probably am...but then I heard that John McCain basically quit running for President and Sarah Palin went to New York to go shopping or something...oh and meet up with the Afghan president for a few minutes to have some tea too. What the hell is going on? Granted our situation is a little different...whereas we were just involved in a financial clusterfunk from the top-down...but for the economy to work, we can't just hoard all of our money and quit being consumers. That's how things get worse. I know it's easy for me to say while I, at this moment that I'm typing this, still have a job...but it's just how the economy works. If the belief in the value of money goes down, then the value of money goes down. I'm not an economic expert...but it scares me that there's not a better idea to save the economy from somebody that is.



Anyway, enough about that depressing stuff...I got my suits last night...and they look amazing on me. I can't lie. Pictures to come one day...but in the meantime, I'll just wish you all a wonderful day, weekend, and ever after. I hope that everything works out for the best. Oh...and big surprise...but I just got word from Denver and they'll be making their decision later today. Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease...