Let's Do It Again

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night at work, I was asked to play for a company basketball team at my gym. The guy said that he was trying to form a team and had about 6-7 people interested and wanted to get at least 9 (probably more because of scheduling conflicts) so there very well may be a team that I'm playing for…and I'm super stoked about it. Great opportunity to meet & get to know people that I work with…as well as other people that I'll be playing against (because we're all gentlemen, right?) AND I get to play ball, which I love. Sweet! I'll keep you posted…and I don't think the league starts until January anyway because of the Holidays, so I have some time to get into game shape…and I'm already doing surprisingly well. Yay!!!

Dream - It's been a while since I had one of these dreams that I thought you might find interesting (as opposed to the usual sexually frustrating like me) so here it goes. The really odd thing is…that it kind of goes with the theme of Remakes with this entry. Okay, so you all have seen "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" right? Of course you have (and if not, you owe it to yourself to see it several times). Anyway, this dream starred Harry Lockhart (played by Robert Downey jr) and it's basically perceived in a first-person view like a camera…and it starts out with us getting into the back of a taxi cab. We sit down and the cab starts driving and he goes, "So as I was saying, that's the thing with these Hollywood remakes and sequels and prequels and regurgitations or whatever the f**k else they're calling them. Everything got to be bigger, faster, fancier, more special effects, more sex scenes, more gunfire, more smart ass quips, more money for the stars, more tie-ins for merchandise, more more more…and then they try to mask it with (quotation fingers) character development or some bullsh*t like that…so instead of something like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, it's now Kiss Kiss Boom Boom and instead of the sweet girl-next-door love interest you've got the superhot foreign secret agent that can kill you six ways to Sunday but just wants to f**k you for some reason. Instead of a big case and a small case somehow coming together, it's an international incident involving a bomb or virus or something…and the small case is a family member being involved in it. It's all a bunch of (cell phone goes off…and he looks dead at me / camera). Seriously? You didn't turn your phone off at the beginning of the movie? (Applauds sarcastically) Bravo, bravo, great, why don't we all just wait to see what's so f**king important. Is your baby mama having a baby? Is your house on fire? Or is it your friend texting you saying how bored they are and wondering 'Where you at dawg'? Jesus, every time I go to the movies I have to listen to some jackass (starts checking pockets) Oh, that appears to be my phone. My apologies to anybody that I might have offended. Don't believe I've heard this ringtone before. (Pulls out phone) Hmm, don't know this number calling either. (Answers) Hello!"

Male Phone Voice: "Who is this?"
Harry: "You called me buddy, you tell me."
MPV: "Is this Harry Lockhart?"
Harry: "Si senor."
MPV: "Harry Lockhart the detective."
Harry: "And part-time man-whore, who's this?"
MPV: "You don't recognize the number, yet you still answered? That's very noble of you. Most people would screen their calls through voicemail or something first."
Harry: "What can I say? I'm old-fashioned that way…Johnny, was it?"
MPV: "Nice try (Cab stops, driver steps out…and three Asian guys with guns hop in…and a fourth with a cell phone to his ear) but I prefer to meet somebody face-to-face before I divulge information."
Harry: (Looks at the camera petrified…and mouths the word that shows up in subtitles) "F**k!" Then I don't know if I’m pistol whipped or what…but that's basically where the dream ends. So there you have it, a possible opening sequence for the "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" sequel when/if it ever happens. I don't know about you…but I'm intrigued. Is there going to be a nuclear bomb involved? Superhot foreign secret agent (Monica Bellucci or perhaps Milla)? Anyway, we'll see…in a later installment of "$teve's Crazy Dreams" due out…eventually.

The other night, I watched "Be Kind Rewind" starring Mos Def, Jack Black and Danny Glover. For those who haven't seen the previews, it's about the owner of a VHS tape movie rental store (Glover) and his two employees (Def & Black…which would make for an interesting musical collaboration) who have fallen on hard times because…well, only a few people out there still have VHS players (like me). They live in an old building in Passaic, New Jersey which is the fabled birthplace of a little-known Jazz legend named Fats Waller. Well, the owner goes to an annual Fats Waller party and leaves the store in their hands…and one of them (Black) becomes magnetized trying to destroy the local power generator…and erases all the tapes. What do they do? Record their own versions based off their memory of the movies to cover until the owner gets back. They start with a hilarious low-budget remake of Ghostbusters shot in an hour…and the people want to see more…so they make them. Then the movie industry finds out…and their building is slated for demolition. What are they to do now? Watch the movie. This was directed by Michel Condry, the guy who did "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and it's an interesting movie from a visual standpoint…and has a lot of heart in loyalty and being proud of where you came from…though it does tend to lag a little in middle…but it's definitely worth checking out for the low-budget remakes, Jack Black crazy ass…and magnetic urine. I'd say check it out…but it's not great.

Worst Remake Ever? - As many of you who actually read this thing know, I am a huge Elisabeth Shue fan…and she was my first crush…thanks to some movies entitled "Adventures in Babysitting", "The Karate Kid" and then recently seen movies like "Leaving Las Vegas" & "Hamlet 2" just cemented it. Anyway, when I heard that Will Smith was going to screw up…I mean, remake "Karate Kid", I thought "Well, at least Adventures in Babysitting is safe." I was wrong. Horribly, horribly, HORRIBLY wrong. Why? Well, the Chicago Sun-Times reports that Miley Cyrus is set to play the lead role in a remake once she wraps up a few more episodes of her hit Disney cable show "Hannah Montana". The project is seen more as a sequel than a remake, and will be made under the title "Further Adventures in Babysitting". Just for a twist of the blade, fellow tween-bopper Raven Symone will co-star. The original Chris Columbus-directed 80's classic, also known as "A Night on the Town" in certain international territories, followed a Chicago high school senior (Elisabeth Shue) whose dull night of babysitting is interrupted by a call for help from a friend stuck at the downtown bus station. With no choice, she brings the two kids and their friend along as they drive into town. Along the way they get car jacked, caught in a knife fight (I'm sorry…but I really want to f**k with the babysitter), sing karaoke to escape a bunch of gangsters, dangle out a skyscraper, and encounter a mechanic whom the young sister mistakes for Thor. So yeah, throw in Raven & Hannah Montana…and Thor probably played by Billy Ray Cyrus with a creepy love scene…and you have what I expect from this "Further Adventures" crap. Why must we remake everything? WHYYYYY? Oh, by the way, still super excited about "The Day the Earth Stood Still" with Keanu and the chick from Labyrinth. This one's different though…because it has aliens. I'm thinking that for me to see this "Adventures in Babysitting" sequel, it would have to have AT LEAST four key plot points from my list of ten. The script writer had better start working in some dinosaurs, Vegas, robots, werewolves, or something. Oh man, I just had an evil lesbian thought about Raven & Miley…and I kinda puked a little bit. Damn this one-track mind of mine.

Leap Second - On the note of the Earth standing still, on December 31st this year, your day will be just a second longer. Like the more well-known time adjustment, the leap year, a "leap second" is tacked on to clocks every so often to keep them correct. Earth's trip around the sun is about 365.2422 days long, which we round to 365 to keep things simpler…but every four years, we add 0.2422 x 4 days (that's about one day) at the end of the month of February (extending it from 28 to 29 days) to fix the calendar. Likewise, a "leap second" is added on to our clocks every so often to keep them in synch with the somewhat unpredictable nature of our planet's rotation, the roughly 24-hour whirl that brings the sun into the sky each morning. Historically, time was based on the mean rotation of the Earth relative to celestial bodies and the second was defined from this frame of reference…but the invention of atomic clocks brought about a definition of a second that is independent of the Earth's rotation and based on a regular signal emitted by electrons changing energy state within an atom. In 1970, an international agreement established two timescales: one based on the rotation of the Earth and one based on atomic time. The problem is that the Earth is very gradually slowing down, continually throwing the two timescales out of synch, so every so often, a "leap second" has to be tacked on to the atomic clock. (Wow, I'm such a nerd) The International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service is the organization that monitors the difference in the two timescales and calls for leap seconds to be inserted or removed when necessary.

Since 1972, leap seconds have been added at intervals varying from six months to seven years - the most recent was inserted on December 31st, 2005 (my favorite NYE so far as odds would have it…and I really appreciated the extra second). In the United States, the U.S. Naval Observatory and the National Institute of Standards and Technology keep time for the country. The Naval Observatory keeps the Department of Defense's Master Clock, an atomic clock located in Washington, D.C. The new extra second will be added on the last day of this year at 23 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds Coordinated Universal Time - 6:59:59 pm Eastern Standard Time. Mechanisms such as the Internet-based Network Time Protocol and the satellite-based Global Positioning System (GPS) depend on the accurate time kept by atomic clocks. So there you have it. This New Year's Eve…enjoy your extra second with loved ones. Kiss someone just a little bit longer, give someone a bigger bearhug, take one more shot, yell just a little bit louder and a little bit longer, savor every single second that you have here on this wonderful spinning marble. What does that mean to me? An extra second in Las Vegas…and I'll be sure to put some use to it…and probably lose another hundred bucks at the Blackjack tables. THAT'S VEGAS, BABY!!! Have a great night everybody!!!