Master of Karate & Friendship for Everyone

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'd like to start off with a shameless plug. I know, I know. I'm just saying, if it's come down to the last week before Christmas and you haven't found that perfect personalized gift for somebody…then perhaps you should consider some of the marvelous shirts made by Bone Junior…or perhaps make suggestions of your own. Here are some examples that she was kind enough to forward to me.

And this incredibly accurate onesie for her nephew

She was even open to some of my suggestions like "I am the bastard child of Superman & Wonder Woman" or onesies (unfortunately not adult sized) that say "My uncle is Batman" or "Chuck Norris knows no fear…but we haven't met yet" or any other obscure reference. The possibilities are endless…and they'd be going to a good cause, Bone Junior's financial security. Anyway, just a suggestion.

Last night after the gym, I decided to walk around the 16th Street Mall and down to the Capitol to see the lights that I'm told are down there…but alas they were not on in the Park in front of the Capitol for some reason, so I decided to just grab a schnitzel sandwich at that German Christmas Market by my house and watch a few movies. First up was a kung fu movie called "Naked Weapon" and as the title would suggest that there be some kind of let-down, there wasn't really. The story is about a mysterious criminal mastermind, Madame M who basically recruits and kidnaps 12 or 13 year old girls who excel in martial arts or sports…and trains them to be sexy assassins…because as stated in the movie, "A man's happiest moment is also his weakest." The first half of the movie is some pretty intense martial arts stuff with girls fighting to the death in their underwear & nightshirts…and then they grow up…and it gets a little more far-fetched with the martial arts stuff. Sorry, I'm a huge fan of these movies…but I also know about Newton's Law of Motion and sometimes it just makes me giggle a bit. Still though, it stars Maggie Q ("Live Free or Die Hard" and newly crowned star of "King of Fighters" due out next year) and if you're a fan of kung fu, sexy assassins or girls running around in their underwear, then you'll probably like this movie.

After that, I was kind of on a kung fu kick…and luckily, I had another movie courtesy of Netflix…and it was "The Last Dragon" which is kind of a cult classic. It follows the story of a martial arts student named Leroy Green (some guy named Taimak) who has trained for years to be a kung fu master…but now must learn on his own to obtain "The Glow" as foretold in the prophecy of the Last Dragon. He stumbles upon a VJ named Laura (one of Prince's girls Vanity) and ends up trying to protect her from some video game millionaire kingpin guy…while at the same time, has the Shogun of Brooklyn, Sho'Nuff after him to prove that he is the baddest mofo low down in this town. It's actually an okay movie as long as you remember that it was made in the 80's but yeah, it was kind of funny…and not just in the ridiculous way. You may also see some cameos from guys like Chazz Palminteri and William H. Macy if you keep your eyes open. Everybody had to start somewhere. Other than that, not much else to tell really. Here's the news…

Biggest Movie Bomb EVER - Twilight wasn't the only flick to reach a box-office milestone this past weekend. "Delgo" took home a big prize of its very own. Yeah, I hadn't heard of it either…but it's apparently an animated movie voiced by Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Love Hewitt, Chris Kattan, Val Kilmer, Kelly Ripa, Malcolm McDowell, Michael Clarke Duncan, Burt Reynolds, Louis Gossett Jr., Eric Idle and the late Anne Bancroft. The film follows two star-crossed lovers and an evil queen in a fantastical, reptilian world. So what's the big prize that it's taking home? Delgo's claim to fame is the poorest opening weekend ever. The movie only made $511,920, according to Box Office Mojo. That's about the same amount "Doubt" made only the Meryl Streep & Philip Seymour Hoffman vehicle did it in 15 screens and it took Delgo 2,160 screens to get there. That's no more than two people per showing! Amazing, right? I think it's big flaw, was the lack of marketing and advertising. I mean…again, I had never even heard of this thing until I read this article. A half-million dollar opening weekend for a children's movie…simply should never happen. Ever. Especially during the holidays. And being CGI-animated. I'm thinking that in future Marketing classes, this movie will be part of the curriculum…even more so than past bombs like "Waterworld", "Baron Munchausen", "Cutthroat Island" and all those movie that costs $100 million plus to make…but never caught on (though not entirely bad movies with those three at least). Anyway, I'm sure that the movie company behind it is looking for heads to roll…and I'm guessing that Burt Reynolds isn't going to be impressed with his royalty check for $5.12. "What the f**k is Delgo? Did I do a movie called Delgo? Or is that some Mexican pharmaceutical commercial I did?"

Worst Luck EVER - A 60-year-old Japanese man who was thrown into the air in celebration at his retirement party died after his colleagues failed to catch him and he fell to the floor. The case came to light after the man's wife filed a police complaint against colleagues who threw the man up into the air, accusing them of gross negligence, the Mainichi paper reported on its website. The man died in September, 10 months after the party attended by around 40 people at an unnamed transport company at an inn in Ritto, near the ancient capital of Kyoto in central Japan. The fall damaged his neck and backbone, leaving him paralyzed, and he eventually died of blood poisoning. His widow said, "He worked until the retirement age. We had been looking forward to going to various places as a couple and were excited that we would be able to spend a relaxing time together. No matter what I say he won't come back, but I want to find out why this happened." Isn't that just about the saddest thing you've ever heard? This guy worked for over forty years, saved up all his retirement, probably only used two sick days his whole career…and that was to see the births of his children, played all the games & obeyed all the corporate rules, had finally reached that point where he was able to pay back all the long work days and missed birthday parties and all of that nonsense to his wife who had stuck with him for all those years, he got the tickets for a Southeast Asia cruise to see Okinawa, Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong, even Australia…and then at his retirement party, he has a few drinks with his coworkers…and they fumble, paralyzing him and leading to an excruciating ten-month rehab until his body finally gives out. My condolences go out to his family. Let this be a lesson to all of you out there, don't let people throw you around at your retirement party. I realize that like me, this is probably a good fifty years down the road (if ever) but just keep it in mind.

A Bit Nippley? - Here's an image that'll change the mood. Artists' models in Paris stripped naked Monday, braving freezing temperatures to protest against a ban on tips and to demand better pay and recognition. More than 20 male and female models, some posing nude while others were draped in a colorful array of shawls, sheets and fur coats, took part in the protest that had the backing of two of France's biggest labor unions (I'd back it too). The action was triggered by a recent decision by the Paris authorities to enforce a ban on artists' tips, known as "cornet" after the rolled-up cone of drawing paper in which painters traditionally dropped some money for their models. "We're very badly paid and it's always been that way," said model Carole Kras, who joined others in the courtyard of a 16th century palace that houses the Paris cultural affairs offices. "We've always had the 'cornet' to make up for some of that but now they want to get rid of it," she said, as shivering colleagues got dressed after briefly disrobing. The demonstration was tiny compared with recent mass protests involving teachers, railway workers or public servants but in a city with such a long and rich artistic tradition, it carried extra resonance. The models, who work for the city of Paris posing for students and professional artists, said the end of the "cornet" was the last straw. "I don't really care about the cornet. What I want is to be better paid," said Kras, a full-time artists' model who has been doing the job for 15 years. She said an average wage of 10 Euros ($13) an hour for posing sessions that often lasted around three hours was inadequate. She added that models, classified officially as "special diverse personnel," wanted clearer professional recognition. "It is a profession, it's tiring. Because it's physical, you need a lot of endurance and it's also expressive. We're performers who play non-speaking roles, that's the way I always think of it." Christophe Girard, an official responsible for cultural affairs at the Paris city hall, said authorities had no choice but to ban the cornet, which had been ruled illegal…but he said he expected a solution would be found. "We can talk about making up the shortfall in what they earn and we can see if the ministry would be prepared to consider recognizing this as a profession."

So a little déjà vu with this debate, is posing nude a profession? We've previously discussed whether stripping is an art…because it's most definitely a profession (though masked as 'exotic dancer' or something) but now is this artistic angle a profession? Of course it is. They get paid for it. Period. End of story, right? Is pimpin' a profession? If she got my money. Is shoveling driveways when you’re a kid for a dollar a driveway a profession? As long as they pay…and honestly, you could get much more than a dollar if you wanted. See? Instead of all of this blah bleh bleaux at Paris' City Hall, I have solved their problem. What's wrong with gratuity anyway? If we gave it a French term like "cornet" instead of a Latin term, would it be okay then? Honestly, I really think that they passed the ban JUST to see if the nude models would protest in front of their building and bring a little excitement to their day with having to deal with teachers, railway workers and public servants. "Mission accomplished!!! Now let's see what we can do to get maids out on that courtyard."

Hottest First Lady Update - What makes a hot first lady? Well, first off, I guess you have to be married to a President or Prime Minister or Chancellor or some commanding position of a country. Then, you have to be hot…like smokin' hot. However, to be the hottest, there are a few things that can take you to that pedestal…and I believe that Carla Bruni-Sarkozy of France meets and exceeds all expectations. As previously reported here (that's right, I'm an incredible doctor and a horrible journalist now), she was a world-famous model…and even recently had nude photos of her auctioned off (and I pretty accurately called the price). Then recently, a company made purses with this now-famous image plastered on them (and probably sold to tourists). Then she won her legal battle with that company…and got 40,000 Euros (about $57,500) in damages. Now, she's donated the 238,000 Euros (about $330,000) she has made so far from her latest music album to Haitian children's charities. "I'm pleased that music can be used for this." "Comme si de rien n'etait" (Simply), Bruni-Sarkozy's third release, came out in France in July and has since sold 190,000 copies here and 220,000 abroad. Bruni, who married the twice-divorced French President Nicolas Sarkozy in February after a whirlwind three-month romance, has said she plans to donate all proceeds from the album to charity. She became a global AIDS ambassador earlier this month, vowing to direct the media spotlight on her toward a "more important" cause. I don't care what you say, charity is always hot…especially when it's a French supermodel-turned-ambassador. Michelle Obama, the ball's in your court now. Make America proud.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Have a weekend coming up, so I'll finish the Christmas shopping and do laundry and all the other fun stuff. It's supposed to snow all weekend…so we'll see if I find something fun to do as well. I honestly really do enjoy watching the snowfall out the windows of my apartment though. My camera doesn't do it justice, otherwise I'd share it with you…but it's quite lovely…and a lot better than standing out in it with whipping cold winds. Have a great day everybody!!! Enjoy the Holidays!!!