And Boom Goes the Dynamite

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it's officially snowing here in Denver. Yay, I guess…as long as I can watch it from my window. Anyway, back to…about a week ago. So we drove into New Orleans last Tuesday night…and the hotel upgraded us to a two-bedroom suite because…I guess Southern Hospitality. The next morning after a hot breakfast, we were on the search for an apartment for Filly and her three cats. The first place was…basically a closet (maybe 200 square feet, seriously) but located in the French Quarter. There are no pictures of the room because there was no light…and it would've been a wall or something anyway…but here's what was nearby.

Shots of the hotel...

Nearby graffiti (?)

See? They got wiser after Katrina.

Now they have a lighthouse in downtown, just in case.

The first apartment (closet) was in this building...

Next to Marie Laveau Apartments...

And across from Louis Armstrong Park

Now, by Utah standards, everywhere in New Orleans is the ghetto. However, the next place we were going to check out…was in the ghetto by New Orleans standards. We did meet some nice people who gave us the low down of the area…and there was an alter to the victim of a recent drive-by shooting across the street…but the person never showed up to show us the apartment…so we left…but not before taking these pictures of the surrounding area…

The apartment for rent...with a purple porch

Neighboring house

For Sale? Really?

Next door was the Safe House

Inside another nearby house

And the ceiling...yes, those are roots

Third one was the charm. We were presented this apartment by a wonderful handy man from Liberia named "Bolly" who was just about the nicest guy you could ever meet. He showed us the apartment…and the square footage was unbelievable for the price. Sure, the location was in a less than stellar area…but it was on a fairly major street, there was lots of lighting, the place was repainted, retiled, and had lots of hardwood floors…and had a full basement that Filly already wants to turn into a studio. It's double shotgun style...and we met the neighbor and he seemed like a cool dude named Mike. She was sold…and I approve of her purchase. Here are some pictures…by the way, if Filly's mom is reading this, thanks again for the guest bed and the road trip snacks…

Massive living room with hardwood floors

Bolly, Filly and the kitchen sink

Le Crappier

The Bedroom

The Backyard

Filly's gonna turn it into a garden

View from the porch

The neighbors love Christmas

They even painted their house to the season

Filly and her friend Alaska mocking a third party

We waited for the landlord to show up…and he pulls up in a brand new money green Cadillac and walks with a limp to the front patio (by the way, there's a patio) and he's wearing a beautiful suit straight out of the 70's with a matching hat. His name is D.M. which stands for Da Man…and he's basically an 82-year old pimp…well, not of real estate anyway. According to Bolly, he was the first black man to own property in New Orleans back in the day…but I didn't verify that. He was a cool cat…and we handled business and then went for a celebratory meal at Déjà Vu in the French Quarter. They have great prices…and an AMAZING Chicken Fried Steak if you're ever there.

Basically the next few days was a bunch of driving around and getting Filly set up. She even convinced me to stay two extra days to help her out…and I'm glad that I did because it was a lot to do for two people…so I can imagine one would have been a REAL pain in the arse. Long story short, we spent the last two nights hanging out with her friend's friend, who we'll call Alaska…and the three of us walked around the French Quarter. It was Alaska's first time in the Big Easy. Here's some of the stuff that we saw…

Ah Marilyn...

Haunted Blacksmith shop turned bar

Jackson Square

Mighty Mississippi at Night

"What's that?"

"It's...the ass end of a diving Plesiosaur."

"Of course."

"Why do they call it Canal Street?"

"Actually it's pronounced Ka-Nal, not Kay-Nel."

"Oh...so like the ditch...not the one that sounds like butt sex."

I always wondered what happened to Drago after losing to Rocky

Apparently he opened a seafood restaurant. Good for him.

I love the South. Why do they call it that?

Down the street you have Santa performing

fellatio on Rudolph for Xmas decorations.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Flora's is a nice place to eat...with atmosphere

and a lady with an intentional goatee. It's sweet.

Frenchman's Street

Great place for Soul Food

Saw these on the sides of the freeway to the airport

You tell me what it is...my guess, Marijuana.

Saturday, we woke up early and met up with two movers and unloaded the U-Haul in under two hours…which was awesome. Then we FINALLY took the U-Haul back (we named her Janine, after the secretary in Ghostbusters…but by that time, I just wanted to get rid of her) and then I flew home. Here's some things that irked me though on the way home. I flew US Airways…and they charged me $17 to check a bag…and I had to check a bag because…well, I had a knife in my pocket (just in case) and apparently I'm not allowed to bring nail clippers on my person because I could go on a serious and creative killing spree with them…so I understand. I fly home…and talk to a few neighboring ladies along the way, no big whoop…and I refuse the food & beverage…because it's $2-7 depending on what I wanted. I get to the airport…and wait at the baggage claim…and wait…and wait…and then I notice a few other passengers from the first part of the connecting flight (because some of them were hot). So my bag didn't make the connection. Great. I tell them…and they'll deliver it to me when it shows up on a later flight. Super duper.

I made a reservation with Super Shuttle…and they didn't show up. Another guy with them showed up…but he was going a different direction…and the explanation he gave me was "Well, sometimes people just don't want to work on Saturdays." Sigh…okay, I didn't prepay or anything…so no huge loss, right? I wonder how much a taxi is from DIA (in the middle of nowhere) to downtown. In case you were wondering, it's $46.50 each way, flat rate. Frustrated sigh. F**k it, I gotta get home…and I do, checking in with family & friends all the while. I get home…and it's still messy from the family visiting. Blankets and clothing all over the place (most of which wasn't mine), food left out, little presents left for me all over the place, my stuffed animals scattered throughout the apartment, so after about an hour or straightening up, I realize that I haven't slept more than a few hours a night in almost two weeks…so I say f**k it and go to bed. There were tortilla chip crumbs under my bed sheets. F**k a duck. You would think that it was my niece who did it…but no, it was my stepdad. How do I know this? Because it was UNDER the bed sheets…and his lazy ass was the only one to use my bed UNDER the sheets…and he was the only one eating in my bed. That's how I know MOM!!! Anyway, I was too tired to really give a damn at that point…so I changed the sheets and went to bed…for about an hour before I got a call…and it was a delivery guy at the front door…with my bag…minus the knife…and my camera battery charger. Anyway, that wasn't exactly awesome…but I made it home safe.

Sunday, I basically cleaned up the rest of the house, cleaned my sheets, watched football…and yes, I watched the Eagles destroy the Giants, thank you for asking…and heard that Utah's going to the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans to play Alabama on January 2nd. GO UTES!!! So anyway, that was my vacation. It was a lot of fun (up until the end) and of course, I'd do it again for a grateful friend. I've spent all day getting caught up at work…and there'll be more throughout the week…and overtime over the weekend if they'll let me. Gotta pay this rent now. Anyway, thanks for reading my ramblings…and I hope you enjoyed the pictures…and the tales of the journey. There are plenty more trips on the immediate schedule planned. Back to Utah for Christmas…then back to Vegas (the real one, not the New Mexican one) for New Year's…then back to New Orleans for Mardi Gras…and Spitsofrantic may be going with me. In the meantime, enjoy the Holidays yourselves…and let me know how they go. Have a great day everybody!!!

Special message for all the ladies out there...