2011 Halftime Report

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well... believe it or not, 2011 is basically halfway done. Yes, I know... tragic. How time flies when you're having fun & all that jazz. Basically, the first half of the year... lots of change. From scenery to roommates to jobs to the ever growing family and everything in between... except the waistline remains steady thanks to plenty of walking opportunities here in The City. Enough about all that though... you want to hear about my trip back to Utah this weekend, right? Of course you do.

Thursday

Well... basically I worked worked worked for the week prior until the absolute moment that I had to catch a shuttle to Oakland Airport. The shuttle was a little late... but luckily so was my flight (about 20 minutes) so it worked out perfectly. Thursday night, my dad picked me up... and it was the first time that he looked REALLY skinny to me. You know... like old guys do... when they work out... but even when he worked out before, he had muscle. Not so much this time... but I missed him terribly... and gave him a great Father's Day present. What was it you ask? The first two seasons of "Castle" starring Nathan Fillion. Trust me... he loves it.

That night, I met up with JL Clyde and had sushi & a few drinks while listening to the worst garage band I've heard in years at Gracie's. Good times. She also got me a birthday present. What was it you ask? Hot Bitch on the Beach! It's hot sauce... apparently... but has a nice charicature on the bottle.

Friday

Started off the day by meeting up with K-Fish for a road trip out to Taggart (about 45 minutes East of SLC) to a grill for some lunch. I believe it was called Taggart's Grill... but the food is fantastic. There was a ham & apple wrap (yes, I know it sounds weird, but it was great) and I had a chicken, bacon, pesto, etc. Pit-za... which is basically a mini-pizza on pita bread. Fantastic. I highly recommend it. We also caught up on going-ons in each other lives... as you might expect from a lunch. Then we drove along the river. See, it's been in the 90's for a few weeks in Utah... and compounded with record snowfall... leads to some pretty threatening flood possibilities for this altitude. Observe...

The bouncer at the restaurant

"I'M A PEACOCK! I NEED TO FLY!!!"

After that, I went to my brother's to meet up with him & my niece Kairi & nephew Vinny. Sigh... Kairi is going to start school next year... and Vinny's well over 3 years old now. They grow so fast... but we watched "X-Men: First Class" during their nap. Now, if you haven't seen this movie... it's pretty campy at some points as most comic adaptations are... but pretty damn good actually. It's the origin story of the X-Men with Dr. Charles Xavier (Chris McAvoy of "Wanted") and his "sister" Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence of "Winter's Bone") and how they cross paths with a Nazi assassin named Magneto (Michael Fassbender of "Inglorious Basterds") and how they join forces to save the world in the 60's from an evil man named Sebastian Shaw (THE Kevin Bacon) and his own gang of mutants with super powers. You all know the story... but yeah, definitely check it out. The cast is pretty good... even a cameo by Hugh Jackman... but hey, like I said, campy... but not half bad.

After playing with the kids for a bit, taking them up to grandma's (my mom's), we returned to my brother's newly remodeled bachelor pad to watch "Scott Pilgrim vs the World" starring Michael Cena. Another comic adaptation... but this one was more nerdy Nintendo feel to it... and was about a kid (Cena) who falls for a girl & tries to win her over... but first, he must fight her seven evil exes... or DIE!!! The best part about this movie... was the nerdy humor... and the distinctly new visual style... not necessarily the story or anything... but I highly recommend it if you also still have your Nintendo hooked up to the TV in your bedroom.

Saturday

This was the day of Spitso's wedding... and I got to meet up with some of the "other" family... as Spitso & his brother Isaiah have been my brothers from another mother for well over 20 years now. Anway... the pictures tell it best... the setting was Union Station on historic 25th Street in beautiful Ogden, Utah... aka where the $teve was born.

Oh yes... my brother is a nerd...

My brother, Isaiah, Spitso & Nate Dogg

The new family...

That night, I went up to my mom's after the wedding... so around midnight. Lo & behold, somebody was awake and excited to see me... my nephew Vinny. Long story short, he wasn't tired. That quickly changed when I said, "Hey buddy, wanna take a nap with me here under the fan?" "YEAH!!!" Within a few seconds of getting our makeshift bed set up with a few blankets & pillows on the floor, we lied down (lay down?) and he threw his arm over my arm in a little hug... and dozed off to sleep. It was really quiet cute as you could imagine.

Sunday

I awoke in the morning to my mom & my niece Kairi discovering that I was there on the floor sleeping. My mom asked her, "Kairi, do you want to snuggle with Uncle $teve?" "Yeah!" She hopped right down on the ground... and basically just chatted away for about 15 minutes before I decided that it was futile to resist... I was getting up.

I spent the day hanging out with them, going into the hot tub (but my mom didn't know how to turn on the heat... so it was rather cool... about 60 degrees when we started & warmed up to about 70 when we were done), chilled on the porch, played games, all kinds of fun. Even my Aunt Pat & cousin Alicia were there. Good times.

Aren't they just adorable?

Evil smile...

Confused...

Ecstatic...

That night though... was a bit of a surprise. See, the night that I came into town... my dad asked me if I liked Ted Nugent. "The Motor City Madman? Of course!" Well, he was having a concert at The Depot... and even in his mid 60's, the man is a showman... as these pictures don't quite do justice... but still...

Great White Buffalo...

It was just my dad & I... and we had a few beers, listening to most of the greatest hits from Uncle Ted... and good times were had by all. We even went to Sconecutters afterwards for some greasy food. Great day with the families.

Monday

Around noon, I met up with K-Fish again for some lunch at WilDhoG Grill (formerly the Chubby Toad) and had a damn fine bleu bacon burger. Mmm mmm mmm... afterwards, we went around town doing errands, mostly me looking for treats & trinkets to take back to the ladies at work covering for me. Then after that, I basically just chilled at my dad's place for a while watching TV & catching up on current events.

Then, that evening, my dad, stepmom, brother & I went to see "The Green Lantern" starring Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively & Mark Strong. Yes, another comic book adaptation... but tis the season... and a pretty standard genre for anything Hollywood. This one is about a pilot (Reynolds) who basically is chosen to be an intergalactic guardian of the Milky Way and has this ring that converts his Willpower into whatever he wants. Enter super-powerful cosmic force, love story, blah blah blah... and it wasn't horrible or anything, but basically what you would expect. I enjoyed it. The thing that caught me though was... okay... his "mentor" in this movie is named Sinestro (Strong). Now, reading the comics, you know he becomes the main bad guy... but the guy's name... is Sinestro. Sinestro! You can't trust a man named Sinestro! I don't care how you package it. Let's see... you applied to be our babysitter. What was your name again? Ted Bundy! Hmm... thank you for your application... have a nice day. What was your pastor's name again? Lou Cypher! I've seen that movie before. It just... doesn't work.

We followed that up with "The Hangover Part 2" starring the guys from the original (Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifinikas, Ed Helms, etc) and this time it's in Bangkok... and similar stuff happens... and it's hilarious. There's really all you need to hear about the movie. The rest just wouldn't be worth your time. If you liked the first one, this one's pretty good too. Check it out at a theatre near you... or wait for the DVD, I don't care, your choice.

Tuesday

Before my flight back to SF, I chilled at my dad's watching "Game of Thrones" on Xfinity... and it's a kick-ass show that I definitely recommend. Starring Sean Bean & set in a medieval realm of mystery... dragons, savages, swordplay, betrayal, etc. Check it out! You may remember the throne of swords from my visit to Wondercon in April. My dad also stopped by for some lunch... but mostly this was just a day of rest before I started back to work on Wednesday... and boy was it waiting for me. I had a fantastic weekend with the family... and I wish I could've spent more time... but I gotta make that mother f**kin' money, you know what I'm sayin? Not a bad place to do it though...

Thanks for listening to me ramble... and don't worry, the tears have passed since I left so I'm back on my gangsta thug level now, back on my grind in The City. Holla! Have a great 4th of July weekend everybody!!!

Home DePot

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it’s official. I will be visiting the great state of Utah later this month & attending my buddy Spitso’s wedding. We’ve been down since the late 80’s so it’s only right. I just had to get the time approved off work (about $60 more on flights because of the wait later…) but it happened. If you’d like to meet up, holla at me. Hopefully I’ll be able to see as many of my family & friends as possible given it’s only for 4-5 days. Then they’ll just have to come visit me the rest of the summer because my work isn’t going to let me leave until mid-fall probably. It’s just the nature of the beast.

The past few days, I’ve been a little under the weather… but nothing major. Just one of those 24 hours bugs… that apparently takes about 48 hours once you turn 30… but just running nose & such. No hitting the gym but I plan to do plenty of it this weekend now that I’m feeling a little better. Really going to try to get back into the swing. I’ve been getting a little lazy the past little while once I’ve gotten home, primarily because I’ve been so busy with work, but I just need to suck it up & get back my Jesus like body. My love for delicious food isn’t helping… but hey, there are healthier delicious foods as long as I’m willing to put in a little more work preparing them. I can do it. I believe in me. You all already knew that though… so here’s some news…

Home DePot - Seeking to capitalize on Arizona's newly enacted medical marijuana law, a California-based company on Wednesday opened a superstore-sized garden center in Phoenix catering to those who want to grow their own cannabis. "We sell everything but the plant itself," said Dhar Mann, founder of weGrow, the company that began franchising its big-box stores with outlets in Oakland and Sacramento, California. "We sell the products and the services for people to safely and responsibly cultivate their medicine." The 21,000-square-foot store offers some 2,000 products, including soil, grow lights and irrigation trays, specially designed for effective marijuana growing, Mann told Reuters. A doctor also is on site to furnish eligible patients the initial medical approval needed to apply to the state health department for cards authorizing them to legally grow and use marijuana as treatment for a variety of qualifying ailments. The store's opening came on the same day that Arizona was to have begun accepting applications from individuals seeking one of 125 permits the state plans to grant for the operation of medical marijuana dispensaries. But that process was put on hold last week. On Friday, the state went to federal court seeking to clarify whether its citizens were at risk of federal prosecution for participating in activities sanctioned under Arizona's medical marijuana act, passed by voters in November. Arizona is the 16th state in the nation, plus the District of Columbia, to decriminalize marijuana for medical purposes. But Dennis Burke, the U.S. attorney for Arizona, warned in a letter to state health officials last month that the cultivation, sale and distribution of cannabis, classified by the U.S. government as an illegal narcotic, remains a federal crime. Since April, state officials have been accepting applications from patients and caregivers looking to grow and use marijuana for medical purposes. Figures show that 3,696 people have obtained cards allowing them to possess and grow marijuana for a range of medical issues, chronic pain chief among them. Males account for more than 75% of those approved… so don’t worry, nana’s still not growing anything in her herb garden that you’ll want. Mann said his Oakland-based company has big expansion plans for Arizona and nationwide as it looks to tap into what some have estimated to be a market worth billions of dollars (just ask those trying to fight the War of Drugs). He said the next franchise store will open in the District of Columbia in July, with additional outlets slated for Denver, Detroit and possibly Los Angeles by the end of August. So remember that slippery slope that everybody has talked about since the days of “Reefer Madness”? Well… here you go. It’s still safer than whatever the hell they do to tobacco though.

Bank Robbing Update - The Ohio bank robber dubbed the "mullet bandit" by federal authorities appears to have struck again. The latest heist took place on Wednesday morning at a Key Bank branch on Stringtown Road in Grove City, Ohio. The FBI said a man matching the physical description of the mullet-wearing suspect sought in two previous holdups walked into the bank and handed a teller a note, saying he was robbing the bank, had a gun, and would hurt the teller if she did not cooperate. The robber was dressed in the mullet bandit's garb, including Seattle Mariners baseball cap and large dark sunglasses. Initial surveillance photos suggested he had shed his distinctive hairdo to evade detection, swapping out his mullet -- a style popular in the 1980s that is short on the top, tight on the sides and long in the back -- for something more up to date. But subsequent images revealed the suspect had merely tucked his mullet up underneath his baseball cap. "Tricky guy," said Harry Trombitas, the FBI agent tracking him. The suspect is described as a white male, in his late 30's, about 6 feet tall, with a medium build, a scruffy appearance and dark hair cut in a mullet. He is wanted in connection with the two previous bank robberies in Columbus on May 18 and May 5. The key to being a great bank robber… is to not be distinctive in any way. That’s why I have yet to rob a bank… because I’m distinctively tall. Period. Well, that and I don’t want to go to jail… and a few moral conflicts… but that’s the main reason. My grade… D+ because apparently it has worked three times. He’s got moxey.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Going to be busy the next little while at work… including working a little on the weekends… but hey, every job has its price. Otherwise they wouldn’t pay you for it, right? Have a great weekend everybody!!!

PC Load Letter?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So… I think my computer may be on it’s last leg… er, fuse… or whatever. I’ve thought so for a while… but the past few days, it’s pretty much been begging me for death’s sweet embrace. The other night, I was updating my blog at the dining room table with my roommate Pixie nearby. My computer was taking an exceptionally long time to do a really basic thing… and was making a noise similar to dropping into first gear to go up a steep hill. I’ve become used to it… since my computer at work kind of does the same thing from time to time. “Is that your computer making that noise?” “Yeah… I think it’s on its way to the great motherboard in the sky. I’d get a new one but… it’d just do the same thing… and cost me a few hundred bucks.” “True.” “I’m actually pretty close to going Office Space on its ass. PC Load Letter? What the f**k does that mean?” “I was hanging with friends the other day… and a few of us started talking about Office Space… and one of them was like, do you mean the American one or the British one? (Mistaking it for "The Office" TV serieses... is that the plural for series?) We had to let them know what we were talking about… and that just kind of ended the conversation. We were kind of like… how can they have not seen Office Space?” “Really! At that point it’s like… okay, we’re going to talk about this incredible movie… and you can just… go rent it… while we’re talking about it. Trust me, it’s the best thing right now.” It was also at this time that I told her that if I did go Office Space on my laptop… that she was welcome to join me. Though I’m sure I’ll find a more environmentally friendly solution. Or we could always go ape sh*t on it… put it in a pile… and I could take it a repair shop, just to see what they would do. That might make an afternoon on an otherwise gloomy day…

Anyway, I think that I’ll try unloading some of the memory with pictures and music (though I don’t have nearly my collection on there anymore) but it may just be getting old. I’ve had it since… 2003? I think? Which I think is about 350 computer years. Remember back when cell phones were just cell phones? Vampire were cool? Harry Potter was still a teenager instead of an obvious adult? Sigh… a lot can change in a short amount of time. Like I had no real thought of leaving Salt Lake City back then… but I was young then… so young. Anyway, now I’m here in San Francisco (several moves later) and I may be in the market for a new laptop. We shall see how that journey goes.

Walking Cities – Luckily this is a pretty good walking town. It’s just parking that a f**king joke. Gotta learn the bus systems. However, have you ever wondered where was the best walking city? How about the most dangerous? Well, warning to pedestrians -- Walking down the street in Florida could be hazardous to your health. Several major cities in the state -- Orlando, Tampa, Jacksonville, Miami-Fort Lauderdale -- took the top spots on a list of the most dangerous metropolitan areas for pedestrians published by a U.S. transportation reform group on Tuesday. The "Dangerous by Design" report, produced by Transportation for America, ranked cities with populations over a million people in terms of the danger to pedestrians relative to the amount of walking in a given area. Note: San Francisco doesn’t count because there are not a million people here (believe it or not). Riverside, California, Las Vegas, Memphis, Phoenix, Houston, and Dallas filled out the top ten in that order. The author of the report emphasized the role of planning in the dangerous cities for pedestrians. The common factor urban sprawl, low-density areas that are organized around wide, high-speed streets known as arterials. I’m pretty sure they also took into account alligators & alcoholics given the list. Most of the over 47,700 pedestrian fatalities during the last decade were on these arterial roads, researcher Michelle Ernst said. Racial minorities and seniors are more likely to be victims of pedestrian fatalities, the report also highlighted. Transportation for America advocates for federal transportation reform that mandates the complete use of streets, that is a transportation system that facilitates use by pedestrians, bicyclists, motorcyclists, motorists, and those using public transportation. Good for them. Now that you’ve heard the bad, want to know the best? Okay, so according to the list, the best cities for pedestrians are Boston, Cleveland, New York, and Pittsburgh. New York surprised the hell out of me… but thinking about it, pedestrians pretty much run the streets there. Not even sure why you would have a car there other than you’re a rapper or a pimp or taxi driver or something. Either a status symbol or an occupation. I’m not even sure how buses manage there… but yeah, good for pedestrians. Anyway, watch yourself in Florida!!!

Candy Land Movie – Remember a few years ago when Hasbro sold all their game rights for making movies… and I came up with the greatest version of a Jenga movie ever? Well, here’s the continuation on that story as we await Battleship, Monopoly, Ouija & a few others. The upcoming film adaptation of the board game "Candy Land" will be less like "My Little Pony" and more along the lines of a major fantasy epic - at least that's the promise of screenwriting partners Glenn Berger and Jonathan Aibel. Berger, who also penned the upcoming "Kung Fu Panda" sequel, tells Entertainment Weekly that "We envision it as The Lord of the Rings, but set in a world of candy. We don't see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on. We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake." The game itself doesn't have any particular backstory or rules of play, leaving it ripe for all kinds of interpretations… which can be a definite plus. I mean… think about when you first heard about the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Admit it, you thought it was going to suck. Hard. “Johnny Depp’s going to be in it? They must be paying him a sh*t load of money.” Then you watched the movie… and it was pretty f**king good. Then the sequels sucked but that’s not the point. Do I think that a movie loosely based on this board game is going to be the next Lord of the Rings? Of course not. Don’t be foolish. Then again, did I think that the Fresh Prince was going to kick some major alien ass in “Independence Day”? Of course not. Don’t be foolish. He’s the Fresh Prince for f**k’s sake. Why is he going by Will Smith anyway? That’s like Marky Mark going be Mark Wahlberg… or Snoop Dogg going by Calvin Broadus. It doesn’t make sense. What’s my point? Oh yeah… candy land movie. You’ve been warned.

Toilet Seat Hat Sells – This thing looks like it may be a part of the upcoming Candy Land movie. Some haberdasher in the United Kingdom should be slapped for thinking this would be great… because they were right. The much-mocked hat worn by Princess Beatrice to the royal wedding last month -- widely described as looking like a toilet seat -- sold for 81,100 pounds on eBay, charities which will benefit from the sale said. And for those unfamiliar with the British Pound… that’s about $130,000 American… for THAT hat. The money will be equally split between UNICEF and Children in Crisis, which posted the auction results on their websites. The fuss over the hat worn to the royal wedding of her cousin Prince William to longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton seemed to have taken Beatrice (who is the daughter of William's uncle Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson) by surprise. "I've been amazed by the amount of attention the hat has attracted," Beatrice said on the auction site. "I hope whoever wins the auction has as much fun with the hat as I have." The hat, by milliner Philip Treacy, was given a starting price of 5,000 pounds. Treacy said he was "delighted, flattered and touched by HRH Princess' Beatrice's decision to donate the hat to charity." Then again, would she really consider keeping it? I mean… you open your closet one groggy morning and POOF!!! That f**king hat leaps out at you like a pink porcelain peacock… it’d be liable to give that blueblood a heart attack. It’s always great when a monstrosity can be used to benefit charities like UNICEF & Children in Crisis though. My hat’s off to that milliner or haberdasher or whatever… hat maker… for constructing such an awe inspiring expression. I still don’t get modern art.

Batman Update - The viral campaign for director Chris Nolan's "The Dark Knight Rises" has begun with the official site having opened and only revealed a blank screen with some strange chanting. A visual analysis of the file revealed the Twitter hashtag #TheFireRises which lead to a pixel by pixel assemblage of an image. Of course viral campaigns are fun games for those who have the time, for the rest of us they're annoying roadblocks to the good stuff. Thankfully there's others around to do the work so you don't have to - the result is the below photo which is the first official image of Tom Hardy as Bane in the third and final film of Chris Nolan's Batman trilogy. The release comes considerably earlier than expected, leading to speculation that there might be some location shooting with the character soon - making this a better unveiling than some distant blurry paparazzi shots. The design itself, from what we can see at this angle, is what you'd expect. They've thankfully ditched the Mexican wrestler outfit of the comic in favor of a hi-tech gimp mask on a big, muscular man. Think a more sinister version of the bouncer down at your local leather bar. Anyway, that’s really it for this update on the new Batman movie. Did I mention that Anne Hathaway is going to be Catwoman? Oh sorry… Selina Kyle, the secret identity of Catwoman? Mmm… yeah… it’s gonna be awesome.

Sexiness Update - Guys, want to look sexy and get the girl? Apparently it’s easy. Just don't smile too much. Look brooding or show a bit of shame instead. Women, ignore that advice. Women find happy men less sexually attractive than those with expressions that show pride or hint that they have done wrong and know it, according to Canadian researchers. The study published online Tuesday in the American Psychological Association journal Emotion showed pictures of the opposite sex to both men and women. Participants were then asked for their initial reactions on sexual attractiveness based the expressions they saw. "Men who smile were considered fairly unattractive by women," said Jessica Tracy, a University of British Columbia psychology professor who directed the study. "So to the extent that men think that smiling is a good thing to do if they want to be found sexually attractive our findings suggest that's not the case," Tracy said. The men's reaction was just the opposite. "Women who smile are absolutely very attractive. That was by far the most attractive expression women showed," Tracy said in an interview. The researchers admit they are not sure why men and women reacted differently to smiles. In a man, a big smile may make him appear too feminine or more desperate for sex. The study also adds fuel to the notion that women are attracted to bad boys. "Women are attracted to guys like James Dean, Edward the vampire. The guys who are flawed, but who know it and are tortured by it," Tracy said. A slightly downcast expression of shame is an appeasement gesture that hints at a need for sympathy (or pity sex?). Men also found sexual attractiveness in women whose expressions and body language hinted at shame. The researchers stressed they looked only at initial reactions of sexual attractiveness, and were not recommending men adopt a no-smile policy for a long-term relationship. "When people want a long-term relationship they take much more into account than sexual attractiveness. How nice a person is, is a big thing," Tracy said. "So we're not saying, don't be a nice guy," she said. Oh contrare, mon frère. So like I’ve been saying for a while… if you want to get the girl… be a douche. I’m sorry… in clinical terms, be prideful, boastful, and do bad things knowing full well that you’ve done them. Is that not what was said? However, if you want to keep the girl, then you might want to smile & be a decent person… but always remember to keep that spark alive by being a douche from time to time. Otherwise she might run off with a werewolf or something… I think that was the point of the study, right?

So… I’m kind of ready to go back to Utah for a quick vacation & see the family & friends. The tricky part is going to be getting time off work & matching it up with time that my family & friends can get off work, etc. Any suggestions? Note: The first few weeks of July simply will not happen due to business demand & other people already calling dibs on vacation. Yeah, I know, lame… but hey, I got two weeks off right in the middle of another busy time so… I’m cool with it. Thinking the end of June may be good so that I can attend Spitso’s wedding… but after that, it might be September for the family reunion or something. We shall see… but again, any suggestions would be appreciated. In the meantime, have a great day everybody!!!

Road Trip 2010 - SLC & Northern Nevada

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Day 15 – SLC – 6 miles

This day was basically my dad & I checking out under Gretchen’s skirt to make sure the engine’s running good, the brakes were good, all that stuff…and as expected, she’s amazing. I also got a bike. My dad had one in the garage that hadn’t been used in a few years…so I offered to take it off his hands. Now I’ll have an economic and healthy way to get around town in a timely manner (since it’s only like a miles or so to the gym, grocery store, bar, etc). My brother brought Vinny over too (Kairi was with the “Mother”) and he had a fun time in the driver’s seat while we were checking things out and giving Gretchen a good waxing. He even found the horn a few times…which is always exciting when you’re peeking under the hood. Then as we finished, my dad grabbed him out of the driver’s seat and say “Whoa…uh-oh.” “What’s up?” Then Vinny said in his cute voice, “I peed, $teve.” Yeah, my nephew had marked his territory in my driver’s seat. Now those pleather seat covers sound like a wise investment, don’t they? Luckily I had put them on the day before. It wiped right off, cleaned it with some soap & water, sprayed some Febreze and it was good as new. Sigh… I’ll just remember this when he has his first car. “Uncle $teve, what the f**k?” “I peed, Vinny. Nice Camaro by the way.”

After hanging out for a bit with the Love Boys, we dispersed and I met up with JL Clyde, visited Memory Park (I think it was called) and then to watch “The Joneses” starring David Duchovny, Demi Moore, Gary Cole & Amanda Heard. Being a marketing degree holder, I loved this movie. It’s about a family that moves into a trendy well-to-do neighborhood…and they fit right in. They have all the fanciest furniture, gadgets, foods, clothes, they have it all…and they love to show it off at dinner parties, schoolyards, beauty salons, wherever. Why? Because they work for the corporations that they’re showing off. See, they’re not a real family. They’re basically talented salespeople who are doing subversive marketing by showing off the items…but not being your usual salesperson…so now, everybody in the neighborhood wants the goods. Brilliant, right? Well, the father (Duchovny) is new to the game…and he has a soul (allegedly). He also kind of falls for the mother (Moore) while fighting off the advances of his hot nympho daughter (Heard). There’s also a son…but remember, they’re all actors/salesmen. It’s pretty funny…and Gary Cole plays a neighbor…and if you can find it anywhere, then I would highly recommend checking it out. It’s kind of an Indie flick though, so good luck.

After the movie, we had a few drinks at Junior’s Tavern down the street. Again, we talked about life, love, music, mysteries, adult beverages, jobs, the future, all the stuff that comes out when you’ve had a few drinks. Much like with Bubbles in Vegas a few nights earlier. Good times.

Day 16 – Ogden – 33 miles

The next day, I went to spend some time with my brother and his kids…because he’s been awfully lonely the last little while. You know, the ex-wife had been gone well over a year now…and his brother moved to Tahoe six months earlier…and his friends are flaky douches…so yeah, basically just him and the kids. We didn’t really do much…but I did get to hang with both Vinny & Kairi this time…and apparently Kairi had missed me. Lots of hugs for Uncle $teve. We basically just watched movies…and my brother played video games, mostly his most recent purchase “Iron Man 2” which seemed okay.

One movie we watched was “The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie” which is the movie based on the greatest animated reality show of all time. If you like the show, check out the movie. It’s more of the same. I’d tell you the plot…but why? It won’t matter. If you want to watch it, you’ve probably already watched it. That’s why it’s a straight-to-DVD movie. Lots of breasts and swearing and crude humor in adult situations. There, you’ve been warned. Now go forth and enjoy.

Another movie we watched was “She’s Out of My League” starring Jay Baruchel & Alice Eve. It’s from the guys who brought you basically every funny movie since “The 40 Year Old Virgin” and is about an airport security guard (Baruchel) who gets asked out by a superhottie (Eve) but everybody around them is confused by the situation…because he’s a great guy…but nothing to be on the cover of a magazine…and she’s straight out of a dirty wet fantasy…and she’s funny, smart & has a great credit score. Comic relief throughout…and at times the stories kind of touching (then again it may just be the unphotogenic great guy in me that sides with the guy) but it is a little ridiculously sappy & overblown at some points…but the humor more than makes up for it. I say go check it out. Then I slept on a couch.

Day 17 – Ogden – 2 miles

The two miles was to go to the grocery store and back for some food & beverage that wasn’t meant for a three-year old. Just to get that out of the way. Basically, the big thing this day…was meeting up with my brothers from another mother. My buddy Chris came to my brother’s to visit during the day…and we caught up…and they commiserated about their respective Jerry Springer-esque lives…and I just kinda listened to them vent. That night, we met up with Isaiah & Spitso (Andy). We went over to Isaiah’s and had a few drinks (I wasn’t driving…so I kept pace with beers & shots in celebrating a little Quattro de Mayo). It had been a while since I saw those two…and it was just good times. I’ve been friends with them for over twenty years now…and Chris for over 13. How many people can say that? I am truly blessed to have friends like them. We watched “Sherlock Holmes” and “From Paris With Love” that day. Both were pretty good…and exactly what you expect from the previews. I was really surprised with how good “From Paris With Love” was. I say check them both out if you want. That’s all I’m going to say. Here’s to Friends!!!

Day 18 – SLC – 42 miles

I really didn’t do much of anything during the day except drive back to my dad’s and take a shower (my brother’s isn’t the cleanest place in all of Christendom). When night came around though, I realized that it was Cinco de Mayo…and I wanted to celebrate it…so I saw what others were doing…and pretty much the only response I got back was from the Mad Scientist. Awesome!!! So we decided to go to Red Rocks…and as Fate would have it, Bubbles was flying into town that day (unbeknownst to me) so all three of us met up for a fine dinner and plenty of adult beverages. Then we moved the party over to Keys on Main, a piano bar that plays requests…so we called from classics ranging from “Sweet Caroline” to “Santeria” to “Separate Ways” to Sir Mix-A-Lot. Just an overall great night with those two. I really missed the three of us hanging out. It had been too long.

Day 19 – SLC – 13 miles

Yeah, these are getting substantially shorter and less descriptive…and I’m sure you don’t mind. This day, I watched “Avatar” at my dad’s, then went back to the old office to meet up with the likes of JL Clyde (who was under the weather), Brooklyn, and even had lunch at Mo’ Better Steak with Captain Monty. Then I went back to my dad’s, watched some basketball, and “X-Files: I Want to Believe” which…well, it had David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson & Billy Connelly in it…and if you really liked the TV series, you’d love the movie. I kinda liked it…thus kinda liked the movie. That is all for this day.

Day 20 – SLC – 26 miles

Let’s see, gave Gretchen an oil change because she needed one…but only a few more days until the Grand Total of mileage for this road trip. Have you been keeping tally? Then my dad, my brother, my stepmom & I met up to go see “Iron Man 2” starring Robert Downey, Mickey Rourke and superhottie Scarlett Johannsen. If you don’t know the story, shame on you. It was a pretty good movie. I really liked it, much like the original. However, it wasn’t an incredible experience…and allow me to explain. First and foremost, my stepmom hated it. “What did you think?” “I liked the part with the computer…that was about it.” “Seriously?” That’s cool. She’s entitled to her opinion. The reason that it wasn’t enjoyable though…was because my brother & dad were on either side of me…and they’re both horrible to watch movies with, especially in public. The last time that I saw a movie with both of them…was “Batman & Robin” and that was just horrible all around. Okay, so…my brother has no social skills. As mentioned a few times, he’s pretty much a douche…and doesn’t know it or is in denial or acceptance or something. He’ll also talk to you constantly through the movie about how stupid a scene is because it’s not directly correlative to a comic book that he read. Of course not, that’s why it’s a movie…instead of a comic book. Deal with it. My dad is going deaf…and never really had a good grasp on appropriate voice volume even as a young man. He also has a loud opinion about everything…even stuff he doesn’t know about. They both have no inner monologue…about anything…and I was in between them…trying to watch a movie. The people behind me weren’t exactly the best either…but despite all that, I enjoyed the movie…and was glad to get the hell outta there after the credits rolled (and I got an earful from both about…honestly, I don’t remember because I had long since blocked them out) and there was the special additional scene at the end. Want to know what it was? I’ll give you a hint – Not worth the wait.

Day 21 – SLC – 26 miles

This day, I had lunch with my stepmom, my stepsister Amber & Brenda, and their children Canon & Reilly at Chili’s. We enjoyed appetizers and margaritas…and it was great to see them again…because I hadn’t seen Reilly since she was two…and she’s going to be in kindergarten in the fall. Needless to say, she’s changed a little bit. Later that night, my dad & I met up with my friend Angel, her husband Slammy and a bunch of their friends at The Puck to have some dinner & drinks while watching the Jazz lose to the Lakers…and then UFC 113. Not a bad way to spend the evening’s hours…and my last day back home in SLC.

Day 22 – Back to Truckee – 623 miles

JL Clyde hitched a ride to Tahoe with me (and my new bike). We left in the morning (late because she’s a girl…but I had kinda planned on that. Sssh, don’t tell her) and just headed west on I-80 for a long, long time. However, we did have a few interesting stops…like Thunder Mountain. Basically, this was one Native American man’s memorial to “the white man’s trash” where he collected roadside trash within 50 miles of this point (literally in the middle of nowhere near Imlay, Nevada) and built…well, just check these out…

"Who DARES to witness Thunder Mountain???"

Next stop was Lovelock, where we got gas…and filled up on some cheap pizza and salad at the Pizza Factory. Here are some pictures…

Then we made it back to Truckee in the afternoon after about 9 hours total commuting…and decided that we hadn’t driven enough…so we went down to Lake Tahoe, took one of my favorite trails, then had some good food at T’s Mesquite Barbecue in Incline Village. Here are some pictures…

A pond / lake near my house

"Stop looking at me, Swan!!!"

And with that, the Road Trip was officially over. I was back home in Truckee after three weeks of seeing more of my friends & family than I had seen in YEARS!!! Sure, I didn’t get to see my mom because she was in Asia…and there were a few friends that I missed…but all-in-all, I got to meet up with a LOT of them. My dad, my bro, my stepmom, my stepsisters, Kairi, Vinny, my brothers from another mother, Bubbles, JL Clyde, Lilie, the Mad Scientist, Captain Monty, Angel, Barbie, Keanna, Bone Junior, Boss Man B, all the peeps back at the old office, heck I even met a few new people like Lillian & Laura. It was a fantastic journey of…wait for it…

3010 miles total!!!

And Gretchen was with me the whole time to keep me company. Well, that’ll do it for this entry. Maybe a little more on life lessons learned and all that a little later…but I’m kinda exhausted right now. Have a great night everybody!!!