Wednesday, May 25, 2011

PC Load Letter?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So… I think my computer may be on it’s last leg… er, fuse… or whatever. I’ve thought so for a while… but the past few days, it’s pretty much been begging me for death’s sweet embrace. The other night, I was updating my blog at the dining room table with my roommate Pixie nearby. My computer was taking an exceptionally long time to do a really basic thing… and was making a noise similar to dropping into first gear to go up a steep hill. I’ve become used to it… since my computer at work kind of does the same thing from time to time. “Is that your computer making that noise?” “Yeah… I think it’s on its way to the great motherboard in the sky. I’d get a new one but… it’d just do the same thing… and cost me a few hundred bucks.” “True.” “I’m actually pretty close to going Office Space on its ass. PC Load Letter? What the f**k does that mean?” “I was hanging with friends the other day… and a few of us started talking about Office Space… and one of them was like, do you mean the American one or the British one? (Mistaking it for "The Office" TV serieses... is that the plural for series?) We had to let them know what we were talking about… and that just kind of ended the conversation. We were kind of like… how can they have not seen Office Space?” “Really! At that point it’s like… okay, we’re going to talk about this incredible movie… and you can just… go rent it… while we’re talking about it. Trust me, it’s the best thing right now.” It was also at this time that I told her that if I did go Office Space on my laptop… that she was welcome to join me. Though I’m sure I’ll find a more environmentally friendly solution. Or we could always go ape sh*t on it… put it in a pile… and I could take it a repair shop, just to see what they would do. That might make an afternoon on an otherwise gloomy day…

Anyway, I think that I’ll try unloading some of the memory with pictures and music (though I don’t have nearly my collection on there anymore) but it may just be getting old. I’ve had it since… 2003? I think? Which I think is about 350 computer years. Remember back when cell phones were just cell phones? Vampire were cool? Harry Potter was still a teenager instead of an obvious adult? Sigh… a lot can change in a short amount of time. Like I had no real thought of leaving Salt Lake City back then… but I was young then… so young. Anyway, now I’m here in San Francisco (several moves later) and I may be in the market for a new laptop. We shall see how that journey goes.

Walking Cities – Luckily this is a pretty good walking town. It’s just parking that a f**king joke. Gotta learn the bus systems. However, have you ever wondered where was the best walking city? How about the most dangerous? Well, warning to pedestrians -- Walking down the street in Florida could be hazardous to your health. Several major cities in the state -- Orlando, Tampa, Jacksonville, Miami-Fort Lauderdale -- took the top spots on a list of the most dangerous metropolitan areas for pedestrians published by a U.S. transportation reform group on Tuesday. The "Dangerous by Design" report, produced by Transportation for America, ranked cities with populations over a million people in terms of the danger to pedestrians relative to the amount of walking in a given area. Note: San Francisco doesn’t count because there are not a million people here (believe it or not). Riverside, California, Las Vegas, Memphis, Phoenix, Houston, and Dallas filled out the top ten in that order. The author of the report emphasized the role of planning in the dangerous cities for pedestrians. The common factor urban sprawl, low-density areas that are organized around wide, high-speed streets known as arterials. I’m pretty sure they also took into account alligators & alcoholics given the list. Most of the over 47,700 pedestrian fatalities during the last decade were on these arterial roads, researcher Michelle Ernst said. Racial minorities and seniors are more likely to be victims of pedestrian fatalities, the report also highlighted. Transportation for America advocates for federal transportation reform that mandates the complete use of streets, that is a transportation system that facilitates use by pedestrians, bicyclists, motorcyclists, motorists, and those using public transportation. Good for them. Now that you’ve heard the bad, want to know the best? Okay, so according to the list, the best cities for pedestrians are Boston, Cleveland, New York, and Pittsburgh. New York surprised the hell out of me… but thinking about it, pedestrians pretty much run the streets there. Not even sure why you would have a car there other than you’re a rapper or a pimp or taxi driver or something. Either a status symbol or an occupation. I’m not even sure how buses manage there… but yeah, good for pedestrians. Anyway, watch yourself in Florida!!!

Candy Land Movie – Remember a few years ago when Hasbro sold all their game rights for making movies… and I came up with the greatest version of a Jenga movie ever? Well, here’s the continuation on that story as we await Battleship, Monopoly, Ouija & a few others. The upcoming film adaptation of the board game "Candy Land" will be less like "My Little Pony" and more along the lines of a major fantasy epic - at least that's the promise of screenwriting partners Glenn Berger and Jonathan Aibel. Berger, who also penned the upcoming "Kung Fu Panda" sequel, tells Entertainment Weekly that "We envision it as The Lord of the Rings, but set in a world of candy. We don't see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on. We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake." The game itself doesn't have any particular backstory or rules of play, leaving it ripe for all kinds of interpretations… which can be a definite plus. I mean… think about when you first heard about the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Admit it, you thought it was going to suck. Hard. “Johnny Depp’s going to be in it? They must be paying him a sh*t load of money.” Then you watched the movie… and it was pretty f**king good. Then the sequels sucked but that’s not the point. Do I think that a movie loosely based on this board game is going to be the next Lord of the Rings? Of course not. Don’t be foolish. Then again, did I think that the Fresh Prince was going to kick some major alien ass in “Independence Day”? Of course not. Don’t be foolish. He’s the Fresh Prince for f**k’s sake. Why is he going by Will Smith anyway? That’s like Marky Mark going be Mark Wahlberg… or Snoop Dogg going by Calvin Broadus. It doesn’t make sense. What’s my point? Oh yeah… candy land movie. You’ve been warned.

Toilet Seat Hat Sells – This thing looks like it may be a part of the upcoming Candy Land movie. Some haberdasher in the United Kingdom should be slapped for thinking this would be great… because they were right. The much-mocked hat worn by Princess Beatrice to the royal wedding last month -- widely described as looking like a toilet seat -- sold for 81,100 pounds on eBay, charities which will benefit from the sale said. And for those unfamiliar with the British Pound… that’s about $130,000 American… for THAT hat. The money will be equally split between UNICEF and Children in Crisis, which posted the auction results on their websites. The fuss over the hat worn to the royal wedding of her cousin Prince William to longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton seemed to have taken Beatrice (who is the daughter of William's uncle Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson) by surprise. "I've been amazed by the amount of attention the hat has attracted," Beatrice said on the auction site. "I hope whoever wins the auction has as much fun with the hat as I have." The hat, by milliner Philip Treacy, was given a starting price of 5,000 pounds. Treacy said he was "delighted, flattered and touched by HRH Princess' Beatrice's decision to donate the hat to charity." Then again, would she really consider keeping it? I mean… you open your closet one groggy morning and POOF!!! That f**king hat leaps out at you like a pink porcelain peacock… it’d be liable to give that blueblood a heart attack. It’s always great when a monstrosity can be used to benefit charities like UNICEF & Children in Crisis though. My hat’s off to that milliner or haberdasher or whatever… hat maker… for constructing such an awe inspiring expression. I still don’t get modern art.

Batman Update - The viral campaign for director Chris Nolan's "The Dark Knight Rises" has begun with the official site having opened and only revealed a blank screen with some strange chanting. A visual analysis of the file revealed the Twitter hashtag #TheFireRises which lead to a pixel by pixel assemblage of an image. Of course viral campaigns are fun games for those who have the time, for the rest of us they're annoying roadblocks to the good stuff. Thankfully there's others around to do the work so you don't have to - the result is the below photo which is the first official image of Tom Hardy as Bane in the third and final film of Chris Nolan's Batman trilogy. The release comes considerably earlier than expected, leading to speculation that there might be some location shooting with the character soon - making this a better unveiling than some distant blurry paparazzi shots. The design itself, from what we can see at this angle, is what you'd expect. They've thankfully ditched the Mexican wrestler outfit of the comic in favor of a hi-tech gimp mask on a big, muscular man. Think a more sinister version of the bouncer down at your local leather bar. Anyway, that’s really it for this update on the new Batman movie. Did I mention that Anne Hathaway is going to be Catwoman? Oh sorry… Selina Kyle, the secret identity of Catwoman? Mmm… yeah… it’s gonna be awesome.

Sexiness Update - Guys, want to look sexy and get the girl? Apparently it’s easy. Just don't smile too much. Look brooding or show a bit of shame instead. Women, ignore that advice. Women find happy men less sexually attractive than those with expressions that show pride or hint that they have done wrong and know it, according to Canadian researchers. The study published online Tuesday in the American Psychological Association journal Emotion showed pictures of the opposite sex to both men and women. Participants were then asked for their initial reactions on sexual attractiveness based the expressions they saw. "Men who smile were considered fairly unattractive by women," said Jessica Tracy, a University of British Columbia psychology professor who directed the study. "So to the extent that men think that smiling is a good thing to do if they want to be found sexually attractive our findings suggest that's not the case," Tracy said. The men's reaction was just the opposite. "Women who smile are absolutely very attractive. That was by far the most attractive expression women showed," Tracy said in an interview. The researchers admit they are not sure why men and women reacted differently to smiles. In a man, a big smile may make him appear too feminine or more desperate for sex. The study also adds fuel to the notion that women are attracted to bad boys. "Women are attracted to guys like James Dean, Edward the vampire. The guys who are flawed, but who know it and are tortured by it," Tracy said. A slightly downcast expression of shame is an appeasement gesture that hints at a need for sympathy (or pity sex?). Men also found sexual attractiveness in women whose expressions and body language hinted at shame. The researchers stressed they looked only at initial reactions of sexual attractiveness, and were not recommending men adopt a no-smile policy for a long-term relationship. "When people want a long-term relationship they take much more into account than sexual attractiveness. How nice a person is, is a big thing," Tracy said. "So we're not saying, don't be a nice guy," she said. Oh contrare, mon frère. So like I’ve been saying for a while… if you want to get the girl… be a douche. I’m sorry… in clinical terms, be prideful, boastful, and do bad things knowing full well that you’ve done them. Is that not what was said? However, if you want to keep the girl, then you might want to smile & be a decent person… but always remember to keep that spark alive by being a douche from time to time. Otherwise she might run off with a werewolf or something… I think that was the point of the study, right?

So… I’m kind of ready to go back to Utah for a quick vacation & see the family & friends. The tricky part is going to be getting time off work & matching it up with time that my family & friends can get off work, etc. Any suggestions? Note: The first few weeks of July simply will not happen due to business demand & other people already calling dibs on vacation. Yeah, I know, lame… but hey, I got two weeks off right in the middle of another busy time so… I’m cool with it. Thinking the end of June may be good so that I can attend Spitso’s wedding… but after that, it might be September for the family reunion or something. We shall see… but again, any suggestions would be appreciated. In the meantime, have a great day everybody!!!

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