Thursday, May 19, 2011

Reverse to the Future

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it’s been a while since I could really update you on what’s going on with me other than my magnificent vacation pictures. Then again, most of the time, it’s usually just me rambling about movies I’ve seen or quirky thoughts that I’ve had, nothing spectacular… but hey, some of you seem to enjoy it. Got really excited when I heard that Cleveland won the NBA Draft lottery the other day and will have two of the top four picks on Basketball’s Christmas 2011… but then I realized that I really haven’t seen any basketball this year, college or professional. Seriously! This is a big thing for me! Usually I’m all up in the basketball knowledge… but the only game I’ve really seen thanks to football, moving from Tahoe to San Francisco, no TV hooked up to the projector (only Netflix) and so on… was the epic tournament game between Texas & Arizona that went into overtime with a last second shot & everything. Also, I didn’t even know that the Clippers traded away what would be the number one pick at the trade deadline. More good news though… the Jazz get two lottery picks at #3 & #12 which is great for them. They should be back in the playoffs soon. Anyway, let’s see what’s been going on.

This weekend I volunteered for a fancy Meals on Wheels fundraising gala out at Fort Mason… and together we helped raise $1.4 million for the foundation. I’ve also got information on how I can help out more & they seem like a great bunch of people. The only downer… was that I got a parking ticket for allegedly blocking somebody’s driveway. I didn’t… but it’s not like I can really protest it or anything. I’ll say my piece, they’ll say theirs, and I end up paying more than should be legally possible to charge for parking. This was after the day before, when helping Bubbles move her new stand up into her apartment, I was in a specific loading zone… for five minutes… and got a ticket. Why? Apparently you have to have a lookout to use the spot. I took the Cee-Lo approach… with a F**K YOOOOU (Oh oh OOH oh…). The moral of the story: It just doesn’t pay to help those in need, thanks to SFMTA. Now for some movies that I’ve seen the past little while…

Just before I went on vacation, I watched the John Carpenter movie “Into the Mouth of Madness” starring Sam Neill & Juergen Prochnow. It’s about a private investigator (Neill) who is hiring by a publishing company to find out where their prize author Sutter Cane (Prochnow) is hiding. You see, this author is probably the most popular author in the world… and is described as making Stephen King sound like children’s books with how dark his material is. Well, the PI’s journey takes him to a town… that previously only thought to exist in the writer’s books… yet somehow he is there… and things are exactly as he described them in his books. As he continues to look for the author… he slowly slips into madness… and into the dark powers that this author possesses. It’s actually a pretty creepy little tale that I would highly recommend if you’re into that kind of thing.

I also watched “Black Swan” starring Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel & Mila Kunis. For those who don’t know, Natalie won the Academy Award this year for her portrayal of an obsessive ballerina who wants nothing more than to be the best. Period. Perfection. She has the moves down to perfection… but her director (Cassel) tries to get more out of her, emotion, passion, of which she is unfamiliar having obsessed with ballet her whole life. Along comes sexy newcomer (Kunis) and a bit of dementia… and you’ve got a pretty good flick by director Darron Aronofsky (“Requiem for a Dream”, “The Fountain” & “The Wrestler”). I highly recommend the flick… unless you start personifying with Natalie’s character… then you may want to just skip it & seek a therapist as soon as possible.

Next was a chick flick with the roommates called “No Strings Attached” starring a much more cheerful Natalie Portman & Ashton Kutcher as a pair of twenty-somethings who decide to become f**k buddies. By the way, this is the movie that I told you about last year that had a working title of “F**k Buddies” by director Ivan Reitman… but apparently this title had a better Q rating or something. Anyway, they f**k, a lot, and they start to develop feelings, drama drama drama… you know the story. Here’s the twist though… I actually liked this movie. I know, weird, right? $teve likes a chick flick? It was actually pretty funny. Sure, I still think Ashton is highly overrated on many levels… but he can be funny in small doses. As far as chick flicks go, I recommend it. Still kinda wish the title would’ve been “F**k Buddies” though… but that’s how it goes. That’s how you go from “A Couple of Dicks” to “Cop Out” and “The Cut Whore Killers” to “Unforgiven” and the like.

Next on this entry is “Skyline” which was interesting to me from the first time I saw the preview. Why? Because of how unhyped it was. You know I look into movies pretty thoroughly (or at least DID before moving out here) but I had never even heard of this movie until I saw the preview… and there was a lot of explosions… so I thought, “What the hell? Let’s check this out.” Well, it stars Eric Balfour (“Hell Ride”) & Donald Faison (Turk from Scrubs) so that might give you a clue from there… and it’s directed by a couple visual effects guys from Avatar & 300. So… the story goes, there’s a big party with a dash of drama (a la Cloverfield) and then there are some strange lights that make people walk to them like moths… and then they disappear. It’s an alien-led extermination… apparently done with the same principle as a bug zapper. Okay, I’ll buy it. Basically, pretty much everybody is instantly gone (a la War of the Worlds). Like that. Barely a sound. The few people that are left behind in ALL of Los Angeles (a la Battle: LA) try to find a way out of it. Should the humans stay put? Try to escape to the sea? Why do the aliens, after mastering interstellar travel & advanced weaponry, have such a hard time finding & killing the last few survivors? Have they not mastered infrared technology? I’m not going to lie to you… it was pretty horrible… and the ending is REALLY going to disappoint you in just about every single way. So that’s why it wasn’t promoted much by the movie company responsible for it. I took this bullet for ya. You’re welcome.

Last night, I watched “Jackass 3D” and… well, if you’ve seen the first two movies… or the TV show… or the various spin-offs (reaching their pinnacle with “Wild Boyz”) then you know what to expect – groin shots, feces, vulgarity, dangerous acts of stupidity, prankdom, reckless endangerment & the like. So why watch this one? Because it’s in 3D!!! And you might not have a soul… or a gag reflex. It’s almost in smell-o-vision as you can almost sense the disgust wash over you as you watch it… and the stars react to what they are experiencing. Yes, it’s amazing that there’s a market for this kind of movie… but I watched it, so I’m part of the problem. By the way, I still love “Wild Boyz” and I don’t care what you have to say about it. So there!!!

So… did you hear that Arnie had an affair? Yeah, I caught something about it on the radio or something. Weird. It never ceases to amaze me how these politicians get in these scandals. More importantly, it’s not like… they were banging a supermodel or actress or some other celebrity… but it’s always an intern… or a housekeeper… or just somebody readily available… because allegedly, they’re busy doing stuff & don’t have time for a secret rendezvous with anybody else. Sigh… not that I’m condoning adultery by any means… because that sh*t is WRONG!!! However, if you’re going to do it, do it BIG! You married into the Kennedys for Christ’s sake! JFK wasn’t famous for banging the help. He was banging Marilyn Monroe. Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t f**k anybody! As far as I know, I have no illegitimate children out there… and if I did, I’d step the f**k up, which Arnie did & I respect that. What was my point? Oh yeah, dream big! Shoot for the stars! Or something like that…

Anyway, that’ll probably do it for tonight. I hope that you all enjoyed my pictures from my cruise last week. Now it’s back to real life… and finding fun stuff to fill my time with. Gonna check out the YMCA this weekend to see what kind of rates they have so I can work out again. And yes, I realize how homosexual it sounds that I might be working out… at the YMCA… in San Francisco… but hey, I can deal with it if you can. I don’t anticipate to be bothered by constant flirtation during my workouts. At least at first. Then it might just be flattering. Wish me luck! Have a great evening everybody!!!

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