Friday, May 20, 2011

This Time, It's Personal







Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

My mom will be coming to visit me in a few weeks!!! She will also be bringing my Aunt Pat… so there’s the catch… but I’m still super excited about her coming to visit and see how her boy is living. No idea what we’re going to do while she’s here… but I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Maybe we’ll even do a trip to Wine Country or I’d even be okay with her shopping a bit… but luckily she’s not into that much. YAY!!! She’s finally coming to visit!!! Now I just have to figure out when / if I’m going to visit Utah. Anyway, here’s the news…

Stupid Baby Name Update – For a few years now, I’ve strived to put the word out on stupid baby names… for a multitude of reasons. First being that I myself have come up with some REALLY stupid baby names… but only because I’m never going to be able to name my own offspring. Hell, I’ll be lucky to have a say in the matter. Second reason being that it just amazes me sometimes what goes through parents’ minds when they start their legacy in this manner. Today’s example takes us to the Middle East, where inspired by Facebook, a couple in central Israel have named their baby daughter "Like." And no, she’s not… like… a valley girl either. "It's short and sweet," Vardit Adler, Like's mother, told Reuters Tuesday. "It's very important to me and to my husband that the names we give our children are unique, creative and totally new," she said. Six-day-old Like has two older sisters, 10-year-old Dvash, Hebrew for honey, and five-year-old Pie, "as in apple pie," Adler said. DAMN!!! I was going to guess the constant integer of the circumference of a circle divided by the diameter of the same circle. So close! Then again, that would’ve been Pi… or a really cool symbol… like the artist formerly known as Prince… or the lead singer of ? & the Mysterians. Oh yeah, back to the Adlers. "I'm not worried about other children teasing Like. Dvash and Pie don't seem to mind their special names and nobody teases them," Adler said. Surprised by media attention her newborn daughter was getting in Israel, Adler noted that Like has already received hundreds of comments on her own Facebook page. Six days old… and she has a Facebook page. Well, I’ve come up with a pretty good name for my future daughter now… Dismiss.

Future German Careers – Speaking of children, how many of you have children going to college? Well, this next story probably won’t surprise you then… unless you’re completely naïve. A study from the Berlin Studies Center says that one in three university students in the German capital would consider sex work as a means to finance their education. The figure in Berlin, where prostitution is legal (WHAAAT???), was higher than students surveyed in Paris (29.2%) and in Kiev (18.5%), the three cities the report looked at. The study found some 4% of the 3,200 Berlin students surveyed (so about 130 total) said they had already done some form of sex work, which includes prostitution, erotic dancing and Internet shows. Yup. Those are just the ones that admitted to it too. The number of men who said they would consider sex work was about equal to the number of woman, the study found. The results surprised the study's authors, who said they undertook the study because student prostitution had been often reported but little was known about its relationship to education policy. "The main motivation of students to turn to prostitution were the financial incentives, namely the high hourly wages," Eva Blumenschein, one of the study's authors and a 26-year-old student at Berlin's Humboldt University, told Reuters. Blumenschein said recent educational reforms aimed at speeding up students' time at university may play a role in them seeking out sex work. "It's possible that because educational reforms have increased student workloads, they have less time to earn money," she said. "Coupled with higher student fees, in this instance, leads students into prostitution." Thirty percent of students working in the sex industry were in debt, the study found (which means 70% were NOT in debt, so what’s the point of that statement?). That is compared with 18% of students who said they would consider sex work who were in debt. Honestly, I’m surprised too. I expected the number to be WAY higher. Only a third? Really? I’m so used to getting f**ked by university bills that it’s only natural to move into the industry to pay those bills. Or as I prefer to call it, “Skees for degrees” patent pending. Besides, what about all those strippers who told me that they were only doing it to pay for their nursing degree? Do you mean to tell me that they were LYING? To ME? But they love me! They told me so. Ooh… now I get it.

Seven Psychopaths - "In Bruges" writer/director Martin McDonagh and star Colin Farrell are set to re-team for the black comedy "Seven Psychopaths" for Film4, Blueprint, HanWay and Annapurna reports Variety. Farrell will play a struggling screenwriter looking for inspiration who is drawn into the dog kidnapping schemes of his friends (Sam Rockwell and Christopher Walken). Things turn deadly when a gangster's (Mickey Rourke) dog goes missing. Like 'Bruges', McDonagh will both pen the script and direct. Graham Broadbent, Pete Czernin and Meghan Ellison will produce. Call me crazy (or the 5th psychopath listed), but I think this movie could be really good. All we need is John Malkovich to sign on… and maybe Willem Dafoe… and I think we’ll have just about all of the psychopaths on one movie. Christopher Walken? I’m laughing already… in a black comedy kind of way. You’ve got Mickey Rourke… basically playing himself… and will probably be using his own dog (remember “Once Upon a Time in Mexico”? That’s his Chihuahua). It could be pretty good. Keep an eye out.

Expendables 2 Update – Now, Sylvester Stallone has already come out & denied this internet rumor… saying that it’s fake… and a real one is forthcoming soon… but I don’t care. I’m going to share it with you anyway… because that’s what the internet is for… the spreading of rumors, pornography & b**ching about movies with the entire world. So without further ado… though it's still a some time off considering the casting and director have yet to be locked down, a piece of sales artwork for the sequel to Sylvester Stallone's "The Expendables" has gone online along with the first synopsis via Nu Image (or so you think). The film itself is scheduled to hit cinemas on August 17th 2012: "The Expendables are back… and this time it’s personal! After Tool (Mickey Rourke), the heart and soul of the Expendables, is brutally murdered on a mission, his comrades swear to avenge him. They’re not the only ones who want blood. Tool’s beautiful young and wild daughter Fiona embarks on her own revenge mission, complicating matters when she is captured and ransomed by a ruthless dictator plotting to destroy a resistance movement. Now Barney and the Expendables must risk everything to save her… and humanity." See? Totally sounds like it could work, right? Yeah, too bad it’s not… but I’m sure that Sly is already looking who will play Fiona in his redraft. My guess… Olivia Wilde… if he can sign her. You’re welcome, Sly. No need to thank me, just pay it forward… by finding a good part for me in the sequel. I could probably pass for Dolph Lundgren’s son (or grandson). Think about it…

Panda Update - Just one month before “Kung Fu Panda 2,” the sequel to the blockbuster animated hit from 2008, comes to China, a 5-year-old panda practiced his kung fu in a zoo in China’s central province of Hubei and killed his neighbor… a blue peacock. On the morning of May 2nd, Chen Jun, the zookeeper at Wuhan Zoo in Hubei, was cleaning the interior of the panda’s house when he heard piercing squeaks outside. Hope, a male panda, was dragging a peacock in his mouth, running fast in circles. When the poor blue peacock tried to escape Hope’s paws, the bear caught the bird again, bit off her tail and dragged her around inside the enclosure. Finally the panda decided to take a break, placed the peacock on his wooden play rack, and watched her die – just like cats play with their prey. Oh yes! I’ve been saying it for years. Pandas are bears… or at least really big raccoons… but they have claws & teeth and are wild creatures (allegedly). It’s about time they at least ripped apart a cocky poultry bastard just to watch it die. The Wuhan Zoo keeps the peacock enclosure next door to the panda house, with a ten-foot tall fence between the two. For the past three years, peacocks have been flying over the fence to their cuddly neighbors’ territory to hunt for worms and seeds. The zookeepers said sometimes the pandas would get excited and chase the birds for a little bit, but they had never seen one act like Hope or kill any birds… until now. CCTV footage later revealed just how energetic Hope was on that morning, chasing the peacock for quite a long time. The zookeeper also explained in an interview with China’s Central Television that a 5-year-old male panda is like a 20-year-old boy: at the peak of his powers, full of energy. Dear God! Keep your peacocks away from college campuses! Lord knows what could happen with these violent energetic urges, feathers that tickle like no other & an urge to use sex to pay their bills (or at least take their mind off them). Anyway, today’s public service announcements: Pandas – They’re f**king bears!!!

Pompeii Update – Well, I’m going to leave you with a story that takes me back to the days when I had personal goals & dreams. Oh yes, ladies & gentlemen, I’m talking about all the way into the last millennium… the 90’s. Do you remember the 90’s? It gave us great things like… slap bracelets? Grunge music & flannel? AIDS? Okay, we’ll just forget about the timeframe for a moment… but I’m gonna take you to 1999. My buddy Ryan & I are in AP English Literature class because… well, the girls were really cute & the teacher was really old so couldn’t hear us making smart ass remarks to one another while reading Shakespeare. Alas, one topic that we talked about a lot was making a movie about the events of Pompeii in 79 AD. It was a topic that we were both interested in… as we were both going to visit Pompeii a few months later on separate trips. We had great ideas. Basically it was going to be Gladiator before Gladiator was Gladiator… plus Volcano… but better… and yes, I realize that I’m saying better about a movie that won an Academy Award for Best Picture a few years later, thus my window was pretty much closed. Anyway, those were good days.




Nowadays, the team behind the upcoming "The Three Musketeers 3D" are re-assembling for a big-budget period movie about the destruction of the ancient Roman city of Pompeii says The Hollywood Reporter. Constantin Film is financing and producing, Summit will release the film States-side, and Paul W.S. Anderson (“Resident Evil”, “Death Race”, “Alien vs Predator” & Milla’s baby daddy) is set to direct the project set in late summer 79 AD. The story revolves around the slave of a shipping tycoon who dreams of the day he can buy his freedom and marry his master's daughter. The problem is she is promised to a corrupt Roman senator, while he's been sold to another owner. Then Mt. Vesuvius erupts with the slave trapped on a ship headed for Naples and he is determined to get back and rescue them despite the fire and ash engulfing the city. Anderson will shoot the project in Spring 2012 from a script by Lee Batchler and Janet Scott Batchler. Jeremy Bolt and Robert Kulzer will produce. So basically… Paul W S Anderson… is living my f**king life for me. Making millions of dollar making movies about video games that I enjoy while making sweet babymakin’ love to Milla Jovovich. I can’t really hate on him… but dammit. Well played sir. Apparently those middle initials stand for Wishing Steve. Well, I guess I’ll just have to wait for YOUR version of the movie to come out. Sad thing is… it’s REALLY similar to my version… except mine was a gladiator instead of a slave of a shipping tycoon, but I understand the change. Don’t want to seem like a copycat… but if I see my buddy Ryan on the producer credits… somebody’s going to get a talking to.

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight. No real plans for this weekend, but I may be meeting up with Carmen or just enjoying the sunshine. Still REALLY excited about my mom coming to visit in a few weeks… but until then, just gotta make sure that I’m doing fun stuff for me. No more sitting at home & lazing away. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

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