Who Left the Freezer Open?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's still damn cold. The sun's out and it's a gorgeous day…but it's also about ten degrees below according to the thermometers and the wind is helping bring that down a bit. Coworkers are coming in with their horror stories about trying to drive this weekend…and that makes me like my apartment that much more. Though let me tell you, walking a few dozen yards in a suit normally I'm never cold…but yeah, in about a thirty second walk it went through the many layers of my magnificent suit and chilled right to the bone. The fact that there was frost on the doorknobs didn’t help things either. I believe the key word of today is…brrrrrrrrrrrr. Now would be a good time to have a lovely lady nearby to keep each other warm…but alas…that is not the case.

Saw something interesting last night…and it was a preview for this new show (on Fox of course) called "Momma's Boy" which is basically the Bachelor setup…with a twist. It takes three bachelors and 32 bachelorettes…and puts them in a mansion living together…and romance (drama) ensues. The twist though…is that the bachelor's mothers are also in the mansion…and will apparently show up whenever they want to add even more drama…and call out the hoochiness that will certainly ensue as they try to get the prize (whether it's one of the bachelors or a million bucks or whatever it is). This is the kind of show that I would have made…because it was certainly a twisted mind that came up with it (again, on Fox). I can imagine myself being one of the bachelors (too bad nobody else would want to see it) and my mother being around and watching the crazy stuff that I would have them do…for the sake of good television (whatever that means anymore). "I want you ladies to reenact the final fight scene of 'Last of the Mohicans' in the traditional style…in your underwear." "What the…why would we want to…" "It will amuse me…and the other bachelors (they agree). You have fifteen minutes for wardrobe and to construct your own weapons out of materials found around the house." "I've never seen Last of the Mohicans." "ELIMINATED!!! I won't tolerate excuses. Pack your bags sweetheart. Anybody else never seen it? If not, I highly suggest that you Google that (bleep) immediately." They scurry off to get ready. My mom walks up to me, "$tever Beaver (she calls me that for some reason), why are you having them do this?" "Why not? Besides, it was either this or an entire season of KY wrestling, muay thai kickboxing, obstacle courses, blatant sexual innuendo, jumping jacks, make out sessions, full-on fornication, catfights behind the scenes, teary-eyed confessions to the camera, childhood complexes coming to the forefront, and all the other reality TV drama stuff. I'm trying to switch it up." "Well, you've certainly done that." "Wait until they find the random turds placed around the mansion with ninja-like skill throughout the season. It'll blow their (bleep) minds...and test their mystery-solving skills." "Why are you telling me this?" "To let the viewers at home know what to expect…you know, give a little foreshadow…and you'll be just as surprised as they are when they're found." Love you mama!!! Oh…and Fox, let me know when my show is set for production.

I was listening to the radio last night…and stumbled upon Sunday Night Slow Jams on KS107.5 here in Denver. Normally they're #1 in Hip-Hop and so usually it's about an hour loop of Akon, Lil' Wayne, TI, Rihanna, and a few old school jams thrown in like Biggie's "One More Chance" or some 2Pac or something. However, on Sunday nights, they slow it down…and play a lot of smooth R&B…of which I approve…especially on a cooooold cold night. They even had special guest Avant on…and I'm pretty sure it's a syndicated show…but still awesome. So why am I bringing this up? There was one song on there…that seemed a little out of place…and by a little, I mean a LOT. It's entitled "Gangsta Lean (This is for my Homies)" by P DRS apparently…and in the middle of a string of love ballads and slow jams…to have a guy singing about his homies in the same kind of way…both those that are no longer with us…and those in the state penitentiary, just didn't seem like the right time & place for that song…and it seemed like just kind of a ridiculous song to me. The worst part was when the whole song is this super slow jam…and then right in the middle, he gets all thuggish and just starts rappin' to his homies…and then goes back to the slow jam. I don't know. Give it a listen if you get the chance and let me know what you think. Other than that, it was a great mix…so big ups to KS107.5, my new favorite station here in Denver. Now here's the news…

Some People Have ALL the Luck - In a span of 10 days, a man learned he won two automobiles in separate contests. Michel Horton (isn't Michel a girl's name?) picked up his newest ride a few weeks ago, a 2008 "Bon Jovi Special Edition" Saturn Outlook, at a dealership in Topeka, Kansas. He was notified of the win on Oct. 15. The entry also netted him a guitar and gold-plated Bon Jovi records…but that was his second free vehicle. Horton was notified Oct. 5 he had won a Mitsubishi Lancer in a contest sponsored by Bic lighter. As if that weren't enough, he also won tickets to a recent Kansas City Chiefs football game in another drawing…which is still technically a win though the Chiefs suck. Horton said rather than collecting the Lancer, he opted to take the cash-in value of $28,800 for the car. He said that will help pay the income tax and personal property taxes on his winnings. Well of course that's what he said. Why would he say otherwise? Were you expecting him to say "F**k the IRS. I've got Slippery When Wet on GOOOOOOLD!!! I’m a cowboy…on a Saaaturn I ride…" Yeah, only a crazy Utahn living in Denver would say something stupid like that…and then get audited…and probably have his new couch taken away or something. So yeah, Mr. Horton heard a who and got a new car, cash prize and tickets to a Chiefs game. Will it bring him happiness though? I hope so. I mean…the guy lives in Topeka so he could use all the stimulation he can get. Maybe the tickets were to the game yesterday against the Chargers where the Chiefs were all set to win…up until screwing it up again in the last few minutes. By the way, didn't get to see the finish of that game…due to "contractual obligations" with the Broncos games starting. Least favorite thing about Denver…is having to watch the Broncos games no matter what. It's like "Heidi" cutting into the end of that game back in the 70's. Anybody else know what I’m talking about? Okay, I’m done. Not a sports crowd reading this blog usually. Some people are just born lucky I guess…

White Lions Born - Staff at Belgrade Zoo showed off two white lion cubs to the public on Sunday, the first of their rare species to be born there. The cubs' mother was also white lioness, Masa, while their father (Mufasa?) is a regular-color lion (as opposed to just being called colored), said zoo manager Vuk Bojovic while briefly showing them to visitors. White lions are not a separate species nor are they albino. They're just genetically rare cubs, unique to the Timbavati area of South Africa. White lions are extremely rare in the wild because although they are considered divine by local people, they are also highly prized by hunters. A 2004 study counted only 30 of them in the African wild. In a bid to preserve their population, they have been bred selectively for generations in zoos across the world. Well, now the world population is 32. They're not pandas…but they're still pretty damn cool…and cute, so they can stay.

Not So Cute Animal - A peculiar amphibian that was clad in bony armor prowled warm lakes 210 million years ago, catching fish and other tasty snacks with one of the most unusual bites in the history of life on Earth. The creature called Gerrothorax Pulcherrimus, which lived alongside some of the early dinosaurs, opened its mouth not by dropping its lower jaw, as other vertebrate animals do. Instead, it lifted back the top of its head in a way that looked a lot like lifting the lid of a toilet seat. "It's weird. It's the ugliest animal in the world," Harvard University's Farish Jenkins (who apparently is a jerkass) said in a telephone interview on Friday. "You almost can't imagine holding your jaws still and lifting your head back to take a bite. There are some vertebrates that will lift their heads slightly or the upper jaws (when they bite). Some salamanders do it slightly. Some fish do it slightly…but no animal is known to have done it this extensively." Scientists think Gerrothorax lurked at the bottom of a lake, then with a sudden movement of the skull created a mouth gape that entrapped any fish unfortunate enough to swim by. Gerrothorax measured about 3 feet (1 meter) long and was stoutly protected by bony body armor reminiscent of chain mail. It had a very flat body and very flat head, short, stubby limbs and well-developed gills. Its jaws were lined with sharp teeth…and the roof of its mouth was studded with large fangs to keep any slippery fish from escaping its chomp.

Why do I share this with you? Because nature intrigues me to no end. I mean, you know about my craziness over ladies, dinosaurs and pandas…but just to think that over 99% of the species to be on this planet are extinct…and there are millions and millions of species that are currently on this planet…so there are BILLIONS of different creatures that have been here…and we're discovering new ones every day. We know so little about this place, yet we act like we know what's best for everything. It's weird…and contradictory. Also, if you're ever feeling like you're not a gorgeous creature…just remember that it could be worse. You could be a bony plated, upside-down faced frog from the Cretaceous Period with stubby limbs that had to lurk on the bottom of a lake because otherwise he'd scare his food away and then millions of years later some pompous ass from Harvard would call you "the ugliest animal in the world" in front of a panel of nerds. Just remember though, at least they had well-developed lungs…er, gills. You can't say enough about heathing lung capacity on a creature…and that still goes for today. You ladies are gorgeous…and I’m always happy to turn that frown upside-down face.

Sexbot Update - A robot that can jump like a grasshopper and roll like a ball might be the next best thing for space exploration. The "Jollbot" is the first robot with the ability to leap over obstacles and roll over smoother terrain, said engineer Rhodri Armour and colleagues from the University of Bath's Center for Biometic & Natural Technologies in England. The machine, announced last week, is a desirable candidate for surface surveys of planets or moons, he said, because of these advantages:

• The Jollbot's spherical build allows it to roll in any direction, giving it the maneuverability of wheels without the problem of overturning or getting stuck in potholes.


• Its cage-like surface is flexible and small - weighing less than two pounds - meaning it won't get damaged easily after high jumps and is therefore less expensive than other conventional exploration robots.


• Its jumping capabilities are controlled by electrical motors that slowly store the energy needed to spring into a leap, mimicking the natural movement of grasshoppers that follow a "pause and leap" motion by storing muscle energy in spring-like elements, then rapidly releasing the energy to make the jump.
  

The robot gets ready to jump by squashing itself slowly - storing energy in the process - and then releases that energy all at once, Armour said, springing upwards in the air to almost 20 inches. Scientists are currently researching ways to improve the Jollbot's engineering so that it can power itself in space, such as including a stretchy skin of solar cells on the outside of the robot, and robotic control sensors to enable it to sense its environment. Now for the important thing, why is this a Sexbot update? Well, besides the obvious reference in the name Jollbot to a Jolie-Bot, this is merely a robot that they are using technology to improve the equivalent of a Massage Roomba. Instead of cleaning your floors though, it will leap onto the table, roll over the smooth terrain of your back and buttocks, and even gently jump and massage your back using sensors to find your pressure points…all while conserving energy for maximum efficiency. Okay, so that's a little farfetched…but what do you expect? Here's some video of the robot in action. Still curious why they called it a Jolie-Bot, Jollbot though.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Haven't been to the gym in a while but I'll be sure to get there today…and it's not like I've been sitting on my ass the past week. Still lookin' good in the mirror, if I say so myself. Have a great day everybody!!! GO EAGLES!!!