Johnny 5 Is Alive

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I went for a walk with JL Clyde in the Avenues and ate at Pagoda, a wonderful restaurant with Americanized Chinese food made by Japanese people. It was really really good and I would recommend it to anybody in the area...and not terribly expensive either. I had the family dinner combo (because I was hungry) but I hear the Chicken Taatsuaage is supposed to be the best. The sweet & sour short ribs are breathtaking, I can confirm that. Also, I went to a Chinese Restaurant...so you know what that means...and it's a good one...

Fortune Cookie of the Day - "You will soon bring joy to someone dear to you...in bed." - Tell me that fortune doesn't rock. I dare you. I'm all about bringing the Joy along with the Love...and especially to someone dear to me...and particularly in bed. The fortunes at Pagoda seem to be a lot more aggressive and awesome than the casual ones from Panda Express. "Something unexpected will happen" Really? That was...kind of expected. So yeah, really liked that fortune...and as you know, I like to share my fortunes...and mention anything involving pandas.

In far more tragic news, I got a call from Bubbles last night...and her boss HT (remember her from past trips to Vegas) had her "position eliminated" in a similar fashion to mine a few months ago. Damn economy. The really sad thing is that she's got a family to worry about...but I'm sure that she'll be okay. I've also decided to I'm going to go to Vegas in a few weeks for Bubbles' birthday. Apparently she would otherwise be alone...and we just can't have that...and it's been about six months since I went anyway. I need my fix. I'm sure that we'll have a lot of fun in celebration...and maybe a drink or two. Anything's possible.

Last night, I also watched another movie (GASP!!!) and this time it was "Valkyrie" starring Tom Cruise, Terence Stamp, Bill Nighy, Eddie Izzard, and a lot of other English actors playing Nazis. Bryan Singer ("Usual Suspects" & the "X-Men" movies) directed it...and it was very well done...even though, you kind of knew how it ended...or as I like to call it, "The Titanic Syndrome." The story is set during 1944 in Germany and about German officials plotting to kill Hitler, arrest the SS and take over control of the German government to form a truce with the Allied Forces in order to save Germany from total destruction. Oh...and because of the checks & balances of command and fear of the absolute power of a seemingly omnipotent dictator like Hitler, it all has to be done in a matter of about...three hours or everybody involved (and their families) face the firing squad or a noose for treason. It's actually a gripping story and great the way that it's told...but again, you've all read your history books...so you know how it ends...or do you? I say give it a gander if you're into WWII movies. Here's some news that you may not already know...

Short Circuit Update - Dan Milano ("Greg the Bunny" & "Robot Chicken") is set to script a remake of the 1986 family classic "Short Circuit" for Dimension Films says Variety. The original followed an armed robot that acquired a personality after a lightning strike, and sought the help of humans to prevent its destruction by its makers in the military. Milano plans to contemporize the story and bring a subversive edge to the original film scripted by S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock. David Foster, Ryan E. Heppe and John Hyde will produce. Short Circuit was one of those dozen videos that I had growing up, so yeah...I can't wait to see even a remake of that show. Also, it has robots...and you know how I feel about robots when it comes to movies. Also with somebody from Robot Chicken writing it, that might actually make it pretty funny...and at least PG-13. Oh...and anyone who says that's a picture of Wall*E, you're mistaken. That's Johnny 5. Please recognize.

Nicolas Cage Update - This one's for Bubbles...because I know she's a fan. Monica Bellucci has joined the cast of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" for Disney Pictures and Jerry Bruckheimer Productions reports Variety. The story revolves around a sorcerer who recruits and trains a young protégé to help him fight the forces of darkness in modern-day Manhattan. Bellucci will play Veronica, a sorceress and the long-lost love of Nicolas Cage's character, Balthazar Blake. Jay Baruchel ("Tropic Thunder" & "Knocked Up"), Alfred Molina ("Boogie Nights" & "Spiderman 2"), Teresa Palmer and Toby Kebbell ("Rocknrolla") also star. Filming is underway in New York City with Jon Turteltaub ("Cool Runnings" & "National Treasure") directing. So yeah, remember Mickey and the broomsticks thing in Fantasia? This is the movie based off that clip. Disney & Bruckheimer are looking to do another multi-billion dollar trilogy like how "Pirates of the Caribbean" was based off an amusement park ride. The really funny thing is...it'll probably work. Why? Nicolas Cage...and Monica Bellucci sure doesn't hurt either. So yeah, keep an eye out for when this movie drops next summer...or probably more towards the holidays since it'll probably be targeted...er, marketed towards kids.

Mind the Gap - Many women taking the crowded train in Tokyo opt for women-only carriages during the rush hour to avoid gropers. Now, for fear of being accused of groping, some are asking for carriages reserved for men as well. Ten shareholders of Seibu Holdings, which runs trains in the Tokyo area, have petitioned for carriages reserved for men. "There have been many cases of groping, as well as false charges of groping, on Seibu Railway," the shareholders said in a notice seeking a vote at the company's annual meeting next Wednesday. "While measures against groping, such as setting women-only carriages, have been effective to a certain extent, no measures have been taken against false charges of groping... In the spirit of gender-equality, a male-only carriage must be introduced." Makes sense. False accusations of groping were highlighted when Japan's Supreme Court overturned in April the conviction of a professor for groping a girl on a Tokyo train. Judges pointed out a need to be careful in such cases when the accuser was the only source of evidence, media said. But the shareholder request for men's carriages may not be implemented, as Seibu's board of directors opposes the idea. "The reality is that we have few requests from Seibu Railway users for setting up male-only carriages," the board said in its reply to the shareholder request. In Tokyo, around 2,000 people were arrested for groping in 2007. Many crowded train lines, including Seibu lines, designate a carriage just for women during the rush hour. As awesome as a hot subway carriage full of sweaty Japanese schoolgirls sounds, I don't know if this is really the right thing to do in either way. Obviously we can't have groping and unwarranted sexual advances by creepy businessmen...but I'd hate for somebody to be falsely accused or imprisoned because some chick thought it'd be funny or fulfilling to get back at her daddy by ruining somebody else's life (oh it happens). I hate the concept of segregation...but I've also been in the subways in China...and there's really no way to avoid groping (though I didn't usually mind, I just didn't turn around & assumed it was a lovely young lady slowly navigating my waist in search of my wallet...which was in a VERY safe place). However, maybe it's the only solution...and now it turns to a hot subway carriage full of sweaty Japanese schoolgirls forced to grope each other...or at least that's what the men in the men-only carriages will think as they grope each other. Or perhaps they could have a co-ed carriage where groping is encouraged. You know, turn the lights down a bit, maybe play some dance music, get some of that good club stank in there, hell you could even have a cover charge for a premium if you wanted. Ladies half off. I'm just throwing ideas out there. Do with them what you will, Japan.

Hate to Say I Told You So - So remember when I told everybody that the Apocalypse was going to be brought upon by swarms of serpents, particularly venomous snakes in Asia and Burmese pythons in Florida...and you guys thought that I was joking? It's okay. I expected that kind of response. It's my defense mechanism too. Well, a Burmese python measuring more than 8 feet long broke out of a terrarium and strangled a 2-year-old girl in her bedroom Wednesday at a central Florida home (yeah, really). Shaiunna Hare was already dead when paramedics arrived at about 10 AM, Lt. Bobby Caruthers of the Sumter County Sheriff's Office said. Charles Jason Darnell, the snake's owner and the boyfriend of Shaiunna's mother, discovered the snake missing from its terrarium and went to the girl's room, where he found it on the girl and bite marks on her head. Darnell, 32, stabbed the snake until he was able to pry the child away. "The baby's dead!" a sobbing caller from the house screamed to a 911 dispatcher in a recording. "Our stupid snake got out in the middle of the night and strangled the baby. She got out of the cage last night and got into the baby's crib and strangled her to death," the caller said. Authorities removed the snake from the home Wednesday afternoon after obtaining a search warrant. Once outside the small, tan home, bordered by cow pastures, the snake was placed in a bag then inside a dog crate. The snake was still alive (for the moment). Darnell did not have a permit for the snake, which would be a second-degree misdemeanor. He has not been charged, but investigators were looking into whether there was child neglect or if any other laws were broken. Hill said the snake will be placed with someone who has a permit, pending an investigation into the girl's death. The Humane Society of the United States said including Wednesday's death, at least 12 people have been killed in the U.S. by pet pythons since 1980, including five children. Burmese pythons are not native to Florida, but they easily survive in the state and can reach a length of 26 feet and weigh more than 200 pounds...and as I mentioned over the past few months, they're FLOURISHING and there's reportedly over a quarter million of them running around the Everglades and under homes. Now, this is a really sad story, there is no doubt about that. I hear something like this...and I remember that my niece is two years old...and if somebody's pet snake or dog or f**king elephant did anything to her, that animal & its owner had best protect themselves for a six-pack of ass whooping before being buried alive in the salty deserts of Utah...but I digress. My main point is...be careful with your pets...and always keep an eye on your children...and watch out for those mutha f**king snakes...especially on a mutha f**king plane. I still think government funded exterminators for these Burmese Pythons isn't a bad idea...but whatever. My condolences to Miss Hare for her tragic loss.

I guess that'll do it for today. Sorry to end it on kind of a sour note. I just noticed that story as I was typing this up...and thought, "Damn it. I hate when I'm right." Don't worry. Luckily it doesn't happen too often...but when it does, I'll be sure to let you know about it. Hope you all have great plans for the 4th of July coming up. I know I'll be spending it with my family...including my niece now that I've got myself thinking about her being strangled by a snake...and she did like the zoo. Anyway, better keep an eye on her around fireworks too. Those kids get quicker on their feet every day. Have a great night everybody!!!