The Eclectic Eccentric 2: The Kwyjibo Chronicles: Happy Birthday Baby Brother!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

T-minus two days until Vegas!!! Not that I'm super excited or anything...but it has been six months...and that's a looooong time to be without Vegas. Also, several other trips in the possible works...including checking out my future possible home Lake Tahoe in September, maybe New Orleans for Halloween, maybe New York some time...and of course, LA for the convention is still a possibility in November, so it maybe be a busy time...or maybe my financial situation will remain pretty horrible & I'll have to pick and choose...but we'll see. I'm saving pennies on my own and taking others from homeless people so something's gotta give. Other than that, there's an interesting job opportunity that presented itself here in Slick City...but ties into Lake Tahoe...but I'll elaborate more on that when I know the details. Also, do you live in Slick City & are looking for a great job? I can hook ya up...but time is of the essence so contact me as soon as possible. Now here's the news...

Expensive Smokes - A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski (Moo-SIN'-ski) checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500. Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the obvious $15 overdraft fee. The bank corrected the error the next day. Bank of America tells WMUR-TV only the card issuer, Visa, could answer questions. Visa, in turn, referred questions to the bank. Thus the cycle is complete. I know that taxes on cigarettes are getting higher every day...but this is just ridiculous. That's more than a million billion dollars PER cigarette. However, if we can get this thing to go worldwide...perhaps America can find its way out of trade deficit with our fine tobacco products. Maybe we should focus on the French...or the Chinese. I'll talk to my buddy Barack about this.

France Update - Faced with a fall in tourist numbers due to the financial crisis and a reputation for unfriendliness (hopefully partly by my blog), the Paris tourist board has made a simple request of the city's residents: Smile. Visitors to Paris, the world's most visited city, have fallen 17% since January compared with the same period in 2008, official figures show. To counter the slump and boost revenues, the tourist board has set up stands manned by teams of "smile ambassadors" to welcome holiday-makers at the city's most popular spots. As if to heed its call, hundreds of roller-skaters formed a giant smile in Place Vendome in the city center on Sunday. "We have to work on striking and simple images. There's nothing as telling as a smile," said Paul Roll, who heads the tourist board. In May, a questionnaire carried out by travel site TripAdvisor found Paris to be the most over-rated city in Europe (the world probably), citing its high prices and unpleasant residents. Daniel Fasquelle, founder of a tourism association, said that French from all walks of life needed to play their part. "If we want tourism, which has generated more than two million jobs, to remain a major economic sector, everyone has to get behind it - professionals, elected representatives, and French people. It's the American tourist lost in Paris that we inform politely, it's the English person looking for the way in northern France who we don't get impatient with by honking our car horns." Paris is doing more than trying to make its residents smile to draw in more visitors. It is now possible to enjoy a virtual visit of the Champs-Elysees, the so-called "most beautiful avenue in the world," on the website www.ChampsElysees.org. Plans for a string of new luxury hotels are also in the pipeline, and Secretary of State for Tourism, Herve Novelli, is counting on a cut in VAT in the restaurant industry, which came into force on July 1st to boost tourism. Tourism's down really all over the board...but it's good to see France trying to overcome it by...well, not being so damn cranky. It's not our fault everything over there is overpriced and smells funny...especially the food. It's not our fault you keep losing all the wars. Don't take it out on us. You may think we talk funny...but we think the same of you. It's okay. ("Hamburger" "Ambugaaah" "No, hamburger") Can't we all just get along and enjoy the beautiful sights that we all have to share. Also, not to brag or anything...but we already have some of your finer things right here in the United States, like french fried potaters, the works of Luc Besson, Jean Reno, a bunch of your best models...and this chick. You can keep your Invalides and your Louvre. Seriously, your biggest attraction...is a f**king radio tower. The Mona Lisa's a crappy painting anyway. I have absolutely no idea why it's so revered. Somebody please explain this to me. It's a portrait of a grumpy chick. Not even a hot grumpy chick like you see in magazines. On that note, here are some pictures from my trips to France last year...and again back in the last millennium. Please enjoy...

Fountainbleau

"Are those dogs pissing?"

The Village of Giverny - Like in all those Monet paintings

Those one's almost in Monet-vision

Versailles

Paris on the 4th of July, 1999

I'm the tall guy with the umbrella & fannie pack

Ladies, I obviously just get sexier with age...

so come and get it while the price is cheap

Countdown to the millennium

French cuisine

Escargots tastes like rubber dipped in garlic

Invalides & Napoleon's Tomb

Le Cathedral de Notre Dame

Princess Di Memorial

Really wish I had a better camera this entire trip

Sunset on the River Seine

Swiss Fish Monster Killed - Police divers have ended the reign of terror of a huge fish that was attacking swimmers in a Swiss lake. The zander, which was 70 centimeters (about two feet) long and weighed eight kilos (17.5 pounds) was harpooned on Sunday after it bit six swimmers over the weekend, fish warden Fabio Croci told local media. Two swimmers were treated in hospital for bite wounds up to 10 centimeters (four inches) long after being attacked on Lac Majeur, which borders Italy, he added. Police divers at first tried to capture the carnivorous fish with a net, but when this failed they pursued the zander with a harpoon and managed to kill it. The meat from the captured fish was served up to tourists at the lake (at a nominal fee, I'm sure). "It is quite unusual for zanders to bite humans", Croci said, adding he suspected the fish was suffering from a hormonal imbalance (Guppy-MS?) which could be responsible for its aggression. So allow me just to reiterate this story, the way that I read it. Okay, so there was this lake in the Swiss Alps...and people were swimming in it...and a fish, granted a fairly large fish, nibbled on a few of them. Two of them bad enough to require a Band-Aid and some antibiotic. So trying to remain neutral, the Swiss fishermen tried to catch it in a net and...I would like to think put it in a non-swimming lake...but no such place exist, so they were probably just going to kill it after suffocating it with oxygen while netting it...and then, so as not to let it go to waste, eat it or sell it for a handsome profit. After all it's 17 pounds of fish with some fight in it...which must taste delicious. Instead they were unable to "humanely maintain" the fish...so they harpooned it, gutted it and served it as le Speciale du Jour. Their explanation why: It was on the rag and had to be put down one way or the other. Ladies, keep this response in mind the next time that you start yelling at us because we're trying to help you out around the house when you're having a heavy flow day. Just something to keep in mind is all. It probably won't happen...but a precedent has been set. By the way, we still love ya, ladies. I'm just playing with ya. I just think it's hilarious that they killed & filleted a fish for nibbling on some tourists. I guess the Swiss are trying to help tourism now too. I can see this phenomenon spreading worldwide...and just imagine the possibilities. Let's say you want to go to...Africa. Oh yeah. Let's say...you were startled in the evening on safari by the roar of a lion. This precedent would imply...the next morning, you and a few of your guides would go deep into the Serengeti...and get you a souvenir lion hide...and eat like KINGS!!! Let's say you go to Australia and...for example, a dingo wakes your baby (not eats...wakes) then you're entitled to some dingo...at a nominal fee. I like it. I'll keep you posted.

Well, that'll do it for my little jaunt today. Big day with regards to my job future...but I don't want to get ahead of myself just yet. Also, I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to my little brother Kiel. He's a good dude. A little nerdy. Very arrogant. A big pain in the ass. Sometimes I just don't understand the decision he makes. Like EVER!!! That being said, he's a great father...and more importantly, he's my brother...and I love the little b**ch.