The Babies Are Mocking Me

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The Admiral's In The Hall

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Hope you're all having a groovy day. Great football game to start the season last night (and I found that Heads & Shoulders commercial with Troy Polamalu both hilarious & disturbing at the same time). Today is the induction of the 2009 Basketball Hall of Fame class of David Robinson (always first & foremost), Michael Jordan, John Stockton, Jerry Sloan, & Vivian Stringer. Truly a great class of legendary players and coaches. As mentioned before, Mister Robinson is my favorite basketball player of all time...so that's really cool. That Jordan guy's pretty good too...but he's no Admiral. Other than that, not much else to report today other than a fun little story. Today at work, I had another little training meeting...and the Big Boss GM was there (but we played basketball together before so he knew I'm nuts & he's a cool guy) and he asked everybody in the meeting why we work for the company that we do. So he had us write the reasons on a whiteboard. Well, I was the scribe...and the best was saved for last. "$teve, does that say...Eye Candy?" "Yes. Yes it does. You see, this kind of goes into Networking & the sense of Community that I mentioned earlier on the list...but I, for one, would like to thank all the ladies & gentlemen that work here for their upkeep, hygiene, fashion & overall personal appearance which truly makes it a pleasure to come to work every single day. However, for the sake of brevity, I simplified it down...to Eye Candy." My job is pretty cool when I can say stuff like that at a company meeting...and I get a chuckle from the Big Boss rather than an immediate appointment for yet another Sexual Harassment training session. At least everybody knows what motivates me now. By the way, Money was on top of the list...with a few $$$ to emphasize the point.

Now, in lieu of more news updates (save those for tomorrow or something), here's a quiz that former Boss Lady D sent to me last night...just so you can get to know me a little better...and I'm pretty sure you loyal readers already know most of the answers...but there's a few fresh ones in here. Enjoy!!!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
8:04 - I slept on my super-comfortable couch because the Wingman spent the night to pick up his kids this morning...and I'm a gentleman

2. How do you like your steak?
Medium well

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Inglorious Basterds - "Uebowitz my boy, this may be my masterpiece"

4. What is your favorite TV show?
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia...and The View

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Interesting question. Wouldn't I BE there if I COULD live anywhere...because I CAN? Again, maybe I should become one of them traveling gnome hippies and just wander the Earth. Make the open road my home. Or I could just go for Utah, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, your mom's house, Salzburg, wherever I may roam.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
IHOP's MVP Breakfast Scramble - It was okay

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
I don't speak French...but I think Ranae is my favorite cousin because we got drunk a few times in Denver

8. What foods do you dislike?
Not a big fan of Jell-O or most puddings. Crème brulee is an exception though. I love that stuff...and cracking the seared sugar top.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
In Bed (oh yeah...)

10. Favorite dressing?
Skanky

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
The kind with wheels usually

12. What are your favorite clothes?
Wasn't that two questions ago?

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
"The World, Chico...and everything in it" (brownie points if you name the movie)

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
What cup?

15. Where would you want to retire?
Eden, Utah would be sweet...or the Playboy Mansion

16. Favorite time of day?
Business Time

17. Where were you born?
O-Town what what? (That's Ogden, Utah)

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Cat Juggling

19. Bird watcher?
I like chicken

20. Are you a morning person or a night person?
24/7 baby!!!

21. Do you have any pets?
RoboPanda

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
Ugh...I'm pregnant?

23. What did you want to be when you were little?
Professional basketball player / archeologist

24. What is your best childhood memory?
Wow. Deep. Ugh...Disneyland? Yeah, we'll go with Disneyland when I was 6. I remember winning a trip out there (on my 6th birthday), getting a rental car that talked ("You're door...is ajar"), puking on the tea cups, having Silverhawk action figures to play with in the backseat, my first taste of IHOP, being afraid of Monstero, eating a Mickey Mouse shaped ice cream, getting my picture taken with Snow White (head in dress), all great moments.

25. Are you a cat or dog person?
You mean like a half-breed? Hmm, I do like to lick a lot...and rub up on people's legs

26. Are you married?
Not yet...and probably never...but anything's possible

27. Always wear your seat belt?
Great advice? Don't drive & drive? I'm sorry, was that a question?

28. Been in a car accident?
Yeah, it sucked...but I survived.

29. Any pet peeves?
When they pee on the carpet. That stuff NEVER comes out.

30. Favorite Pizza Topping?
Pepperoni is essential

31. Favorite Flower?
What's better than Roses on your Piano? Tulips on your Organ

32. Favorite ice cream?
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

33. Favorite fast food restaurant?
In-n-Out Burger's pretty damn delicious

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Zero

34. From whom did you get your last email?
My supervisor telling me how amazing I am

35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Probably a travel agency of some sort

36. Do anything spontaneous lately?
I just pooped my pants...for a purpose.

37. Like your job?
Also great advice. Yes, I do enjoy my job. Thank you for...sorta asking.

38. Broccoli?
Cauliflower. I'm sorry, again that's not a question. I assume it's some kind of word association thing.

39. What was your favorite vacation?
China - Can't believe it's been over four years

40. Last person you went out to dinner with?
JL Clyde & I went to Simply Sushi on Wednesday

41. What are you listening to right now?
Somebody just said Poppycock...because they saw it on TV

42. What is your favorite color?
Brazilian

43. How many tattoos do you have?
As many as Hugh Hefner does...because we're both cool like that

44. What time is it?
6:33 PM

50. Coffee Drinker?No, I'm not...but that's probably the person that skipped questions 45-49 yet put 37 in there twice.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

How Well Do You Know Dr Love?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

As predicted, not a whole lot to talk about today...except maybe my ability to read minds when it comes to games of Hangman when during a training game, with seeing only the empty spaces, I was able to correctly guess, "(New Boss Man J)'s Team is the Best" and basically...blow everybody's mind simultaneously...ladies. Anyway, other than that, nothing really to share...so as promised, here's what I thought was an easy quiz in testing how well you know the good Doctor Love...but so far, the best score has been 10 out of 15. Let's see if YOU can do better. Send me your answers...or go on Facebook and take the quiz for immediate results. Enjoy...and good luck!!!

1. Who was my first crush?
a. Molly Ringwald
b. Elisabeth Shue
c. Winnie from the Wonder Years
d. Your mom

2. What is my favorite animal?
a. Kwyjibo
b. Liger
c. Panda
d. Macaque

3. What country have I NOT been to?
a. Brazil
b. Liechtenstein
c. Jamaica
d. China

4. What of these senses do I pretty much lack?
a. Taste (tongue, not style)
b. Humor
c. Smell
d. Decency

5. Where do I have my tattoo?
a. Over my heart
b. Right butt cheek
c. Left shoulder
d. I am tat-less

6. What is my favorite NBA team?
a. Utah Jazz
b. Denver Nuggets
c. Los Angeles Lakers
d. San Antonio Spurs

7. Who am I named after?
a. Steve McQueen
b. Steve Martin
c. Stevie Wonder
d. Stevie Ray Vaughan

8. Where did I get my Gort Lamp with the penile switch?
a. Barcelona
b. Boston
c. Las Vegas
d. Seattle

9. How would I introduce myself to my girlfriend's mother?
a. "Good evening, my name is Steve. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I can see where (name) gets her looks."
b. "Hello, my name is Steve. I'm the man nailing your daughter."
c. "Nice rack."
d. I would speak with a Spanish accent and an occasional "How you say..."

10. What was the first song I karaoke'd to? (Some of you were there)
a. "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks
b. "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
c. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
d. "No Diggity" by Blackstreet (mmMMM...)

11. What martial arts movie star shares my birthday?
a. Tony Jaa - The LeBron James of martial arts movies
b. Chuck Norris - Whose tears cure cancer...but too bad he doesn't cry
c. Jackie Chan - Who won an MTV Lifetime Achievement award...but so did Chewie & Godzilla
d. Jet Li - The one fearless hero unleashed as a lethal weapon 4

12. How is my niece Kairi's name pronounced?
a. Ky-Ree
b. Kay-Ree
c. Kah-Eye-Ree
d. Carrie

13. What's my favorite kind of food?
a. Italian
b. Chinese
c. Soul
d. Free

14. What is the significance of my cousin Dana?
a. She was my best friend as a child
b. She let me live in her basement when I went to college
c. She has my other kidney...yet still drinks
d. There is no Dana, there is only Zool

15. What is my favorite holiday?
a. Zombie Jesus Day
b. Baby Jesus Day
c. America's Birthday
d. Ladies Dress as Sexy as Possible & Get Drunk While Children Threaten Vandalism (if not appeased with candy) Eve

Have a great day everybody!!! Remember to send me your answers...

Sorta Like Super Powers

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

FYI - This is my 599th blog entry in the now two years (and 5 days) that I've been doing this...and over that time, I've bored you with a lot of quizzes. Today is no exception. As you know, if there's one thing that I pride myself on, it's a consistent work ethic. That...and inventing Panda Porn and saving the species for the time being. Well, earlier today, I knew it was going to be a great day. Why you ask? Because I get to work...and right off the get-go, I see a fairly attractive coworker of mine walking down the sidewalk...carrying a saddle with her. (I should mention at this time, that is was a Western theme at work today) Being the gentleman that I am, I asked her, "Would you like some help with that?" In that instant, she kind of laughed in a way that made me think...at least for a moment...that her mind was in the gutter & thinking of cowgirls in reverse as well...but declined my offer and we went on our separate merry ways, both smiling.

One thing my mama told me growing up was that if something isn't working right or needs to be fixed, you should swat the sh*t out of it until it works for you. Now, she was mainly talking about anything from gardening tools to electronics to child laborers...but it works for your career too. Only they call it SWOT, which stands for Strengths - Weaknesses - Opportunities - Threats. Who knew that my mom was actually talking about a big business term instead of physical violence? I should never doubt her.

Anyway, after that encounter with saddle girl, I was then asked to take a Strengths Finder Test so that they would know what type of worker I am (besides perverted) and what kind of drone I could be in their grand scheme of things. The quiz took about 40 minutes...and when the numbers were computated, here are the Top 5 Results that were given...along with some info on each...

1. Maximizer - "People who are especially talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb. Strengths, whether yours or somebody else's, fascinate you. Like a pearl diver, you search them out, watching for the telltale signs of a strength. A glimpse of untutored excellence, rapid learning, a skill mastered without recourse to steps, you feel compelled to nurture it, refine it, and stretch it towards excellence. You polish the pearl until it shines." (Giggidy, I sure do) So yeah, apparently I'm the kind of guy that sees the best in someone and tries to help maximize it and make it the BEST!!! I would have to agree with that.

2. Relator - "People who are especially talented in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal. You are comfortable with intimacy (hell yeah). Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears and their dreams and you want them to understand yours. (I kid you not, I can show you the book this is from) You know that this closeness implies a certain amount of risk - you might be taken advantage of - but you are willing to accept that risk." So basically my work life is like a Danielle Steele novel. It goes on to suggest that I find a workplace that encourages relationships (to a certain extent) and to learn about my coworkers...which I try to do anyway...and be caring & honest with them. Geez, it's like we're dating or something. If so, I don't get paid enough.

3. Achiever - "People who are especially talented in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina (um hmmm) and work hard (so hard...). They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive. By the end of the day, you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you towards the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achivement might not even be logical or focused but it will always be with you." I did grow rather restless during my two weeks of unemployment. THANK GOD I had to arrange for a new job and move all my worldly possession about 600 miles during that time. I would've gone bonkers. So yeah, I get bored easily...which may also explain why this stuff I'm reading from this book sounds really sexy. Seriously though. My internal fire being dwindled after an accomplishment...and then a few minutes later being ready for another go-around. Goes pretty well with the stamina mentioned in the previous one, don't you think?

4. Communication - "People who are especially talented in the Communication theme generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and presenters. You like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid...and so you turn events into stories and practice telling them. You take the dry idea and enliven it with images and examples and metaphors. You believe that most people have a very short attention span (or am that person, in my case). You want to divert their attention towards you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world and inspire them to act." Sexbot!!! That is purely prepostorious. I can barely read...but luckily my charms got me through higher education. It goes on to say that I should get a degree or a job in Marketing or something. I have no idea why they would even think something like that. They must not be readers of my blog. Nothing I say gets acted upon. Hell, I barely get comments anymore. Though I do love my readers...and want to make their days pleasant and cheerful, I don't exactly see me sharpening their world with the perfect phrase. Then again, if I happen to help you pique all over the place, you're welcome. I have considered writing romance novels before...

5. Adaptability - "People who are especially talented in the Adaptability theme prefer to “go with the flow.” They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time. You live in the moment. This doesn't mean that you don't have plans. You probably do, but this enables you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don't resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once." Again, simply prepostorious. This test is pure hogwash. Forget the whole last year or so...and the various days of infamy...and anything of that sort. Nothing to do with this at all. When I said Adaptability yesterday, I meant changing colors like a chameleon...and maybe growing a dorsal fin for balance or something.

Okay, so the test was pretty close...and I can't wait to see the rest of the 34 themes...and what my Bottom 5 are. That should be interesting too. Anyway, I've bored you enough. Check out this test if you get the chance. You might like it...and it'll give you some insight on the kind of career you might want to go into. I've found that my current career is a pretty good fit...because I can help others maximize their talents (Maximizer), talk all day (Communication), bang my coworkers (Relator) all night (Achiever) and go with the flow (Adaptability). Have a great day everybody!!!

Still Loading, Please Hold

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, as mentioned yesterday, I am back from New Orleans safe & sound…and quite exhausted. I'm loading pictures as fast as I can…but it's a timely process. Especially with all the cool stuff that I got to see and experience. Had yet another bill collector call for a utility bill from my hellhole apartment (formerly known as the Cooliseum) that I cancelled back in October. I'm pretty damn sure that I didn't dream calling all of these places up individually and cancelling my service back in mid-October…but apparently I may have. I'm also pretty sure that if I did, I would have been receiving a lap dance from some mysterious woman, who may or may not have been a cyborg while cancelling these services…which I assume you that I don't recall at all…and I'm pretty sure that I would remember something like that. Anyway, it has been taken care of…and I'm going to call any place that I've ever had any kind of a bill concerning that f**king place and make sure that I'm not paying for two apartments when I can damn well barely afford the one that I'm currently in. Apparently whoever got that apartment after me got a free winter's heating bill…and I didn't even get a thank you. Oh well, hopefully it kept them warm for a few months. The gas company can stay warm too…as they burn in Hell for all I care. Still in a great mood though. I've just been catching up at work. They decided to give me new responsibilities while I was gone…so that's fun. It's not as cool as when they decided to give me a raise when I was in New Orleans last time…but it's something I should keep in mind.

Well, today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent ending in Easter. Traditionally, I understand that you're supposed to swear off something for that forty day interval…and then usually gorge yourself on deviled eggs and chocolate bunnies when it's over. At least that's how I understand it. Now I’m trying to think of things that I can swear off to join in this tradition…and I could say something like sex…but honestly, it would only be in hopes of some kind of reverse psychology…and then when the opportunity arose over a drunken encounter on St. Patty's Day, I would blow it. (That's what she said) Why not alcohol? St. Patty's Day is in between…and that's not much of a stretch for me either. I've never smoked…and don't plan to start. Maybe I should start for 40 days. Nah, that's dumb…but I'm thinking outside of the box. (That's what she said?) Why not fast food? I would probably starve…and I'd get caught up on the whole definition of fast food and that would just get bothersome. Go to the gym for 40 days? I'd definitely try…but I'm going to Cali during that time. The only thing that I can think of…that might work out…and actually be a very bold thing for me…is to swear off carbonated beverages until Easter. Drinking only water, juice, blood and soy sauce or something like that. Yeah, I think that'll do it. From now…until Zombie Jesus Day, I'm going to be soda free…and try my best to make it to the gym everyday. Geez, it's been a few weeks since I went consistently. Damn you Filly…and Mardi Gras...and JL Clyde…and other funny excuse…and my own laziness and pulling a muscle. Oh well, NO SODA FOR FORTY DAYS…AND FORTY NIGHTS!!! So let it be written…so let it be done…

The Governator is Expendable - Former action star turned California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (try to tell me you've never heard of him) will have a cameo in the upcoming Sylvester Stallone flick "The Expendables" already starring half of kick-ass Hollywood…like Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren. His cameo will be a stretch…because he'll be playing…himself. Maybe he gets a handshake and a photo-op before the end credits roll or something. In other casting news for this…what I can only assume is going to be an epic masterpiece of coolness…is that Sir Ben Kingsley has apparently backed out of the movie (if he sites problems with the script, I'm going to remind everybody about Bloodrayne) and his role as a corrupt CIA agent has now been cast as Eric Roberts (who I just found out last night in the Season 3 Finale of the L Word…is Shane's deadbeat dad. I think I'm about four years behind on that show…but I'm catching up.). Apparently, Machete a.k.a. Danny Trejo has landed a role as well. Could he be the ruthless South American dictator? Or perhaps the #2 to the dictator (still think Antonio Benderas will eventually take that part)? Who knows? I'm already excited to see it. Allegedly they start filming next month…so keep your eyes open.

Other than that, I have no idea what's going on outside of my own world this past week. I know my brother's going through a divorce…so he's…cheerful. My mom wants to go to New Orleans now…so she may be joining me next time. My dad's been hanging out with an old friend that…well, they really hadn't hung out since I was a little kid…so that's cool. Bubbles is sick, so I hope she's feeling better today. I'm sure that Filly's glad that Mardi Gras is over…and with only a few known casualties this year. So with that in mind, maybe I'll just do one of these questionnaire things that the Mad Scientist just sent me. I'm pretty sure that I've done this one before…but I'm bored and can't do any more work really…and can't load pictures…so here you go. Have a great day everybody!!! Pictures are on the way…

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Steve McQueen - The King of Cool (apparently it was also my dad's Christening name…but I have no idea what that means)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
During a very special episode of the L Word last night. Yes, a show about lesbians brought a tear to my eye…like sweet cherry pie...

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I like that nobody else can read it. It gives me an excuse to type emails instead of write letters.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Breast…and it really doesn't matter the bird

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not that I'm aware of. I did have a part-time job as a donor though for a few months…but I guess I'll find out in a few years if that were the case. Man, that would be an awkward conversation. "Hi, I'm $teve. We…talked on the phone." "Oh wow, YOU are my biological father. That makes sense. My mom's only 5'5" and I'm already 5'10" at thirteen years old." "Yup, just like your…ugh, me. Hmm. So ugh…do you play basketball?" "Yeah." "Do you already hate that everybody asks you that?" "Hehe, yeah." "Here's what you do, you just ask them if they play miniature golf." "Haha, that's funny, mister." "Yeah, my smart ass gets me through the day." "(Gasp) You said ass!!!" "Oh sorry, I ugh…forgot you were a kid." "It's okay. Mommy swears once in a while too." "You don't swear though, do ya?" "Well, once in a while…but not much." "That's good. Just be respectful and you'll be respected." "Okay." Awkward silence. "So ugh…hmm. Is ugh…is your mom hot?"

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
If I were a single mother, absolutely. I don't know what it is…but they really seem to dig me. Sorry, the ugh…wording of the question was a little confusing. Anybody that knows better would be friends with me…and not just because I'm so humble.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Use is such a strong word...

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Ain't no fancy doctor gonna take MY tonsils. Everybody knows that where magic comes from.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Absolutely. In fact, I need to set that up. Hey Mad Scientist, do you wanna go bungee jumping?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Honey Nut Cheerios

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Of course. They're shoes, not slippers…and it's not like I can get them a few sizes too big. It's already hard enough finding size 14's

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Oddly enough, this question came up at a meeting today…and I went with gelato. Specifically, rice gelato that I had in Florence when I went there a decade ago…and oddly enough, a coworker said the exact same thing…and we were instantly best buds…and have been trying to find where we can get rice gelato…to no avail. By the way, what happened to #12?

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Eyes and hopefully a smile. If I can't find a smile though, I'll usually try to get one out of them.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Blue…and according to one of Filly's friends the other night, it's because I've been conditioned that way since I was a baby boy…and that's why most boys say blue…and most girls say pink…this is according to her…because originally, I was going to say green (GO EAGLES!!!) but I was wearing blue beads at the time…and her eyes were blue. So therefore, I wasn't conditioned as a child, I was brainwashed by a southern belle. There's a distinct difference.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I'm pretty f**king awesome in my own humble opinion. I don't know. What's your least favorite thing about me? Maybe that's a more provocative question.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss lots of people from Utah…and friends & family scattered all over the place. As far as most, it's hard to think of one specifically…but you're all missed. Just so you're aware. Don’t get all misty eyed on me though. You're gonna come visit…or I'll visit there & you'll think of some reason to ditch me. You know what? On second thought, God damn the whole lot of you. (Big thanks to the Mad Scientist for making that an acceptable ending salutation on workplace emails…)

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
If they want to, sure, why not? I'd read it. I find people interesting. Especially when they ramble about answers. I like to know stuff like WHY cookie dough is your favorite ice cream…or HOW you see yourself and why you'd be your own buddy. I think it's awesome.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Chocolate brown suit pants and matching size 14 Italian leather dress shoes…from Italian cows that say "Bellisimooooo!!!"

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Girls gossip about the Bachelor…and phones ringing. Quick question, why do all of these online questionnaires miss a lot of numbers? Does somebody delete them in the copy & forward process? Is the author just not able to count? Does somebody out there have a phobia of these numbers? I'm more intrigued by that then what I'm listening to right now. The Bachelor's basically a whore-off anyway…which is why I like to watch it when nothing better's on.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Pink…because all the girls would squeeze me, use me (to make little hearts to dot their I's or whatever) and then put me back in a drawer until they're ready for me again. It may be the closest that I ever come to being somebody's vibrator.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Scent of a Woman - Girly sweat with a dash of perfume. I don't have a great sense of smell at all…but when combined with the taste from kissing a girl's neckline, that smell definitely beats out rain or lavender or anything else like that.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Your mom. She's totally bummed that I moved to Denver.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Pole Dancing. It's a sport in my world. Incredible athletes…and it's definitely a spectator sport…with plenty of beer, nachos and dolla dolla bills y'all. Besides, most dancers would remember to put in a question #25.

27. HAIR COLOR?
I'm gonna go with…Sepia or maybe…Raw Umber

28. EYE COLOR?
Cerulean…because it sounds cooler than blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Can't stand those things. That's why I had Lasik surgery.

30. FAVORITE FOODS?
Soul Food…which is one reason I like New Orleans so much. It's one of those places where you can get decent fried catfish…at your local gas station.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
There's a reason that I've never asked a masseuse for a Scary Movie. I'm not sure what it's a metaphor for…but it's gonna be really difficult to top a Happy Ending.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Choke - It's amazing. Rent it.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Mocha dress shirt to go with the suit…and chocolate suit jacket. I'm a sexy corporate teddy bear.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
If I had to pick one, I'd say summer…but only because people drive like sh*t in the winter. I think snow makes some people temporarily retarded. Where the study on that?

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
I really like to hug…but kisses have a deep meaning to me…so I reserve them for extremely special people.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Same person that responds to #36. Oh wait, no #36. What a surprise! By the way, I guess that pretty much answers #7.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
We don't negotiate with terrorists.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Well, I just finished my "Dirty Filthy Jokes" that Bubbles got me for Christmas…so any suggestions? Maybe a Hunter S Thompson or something a little crazy. I like crazy.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I'm at work, so my mouse pad is…just a mouse pad. Literally. Just a black mouse pad…with nothing on it. I may have to bring one from home. It's depressing me now. So bland. Maybe I'll bring some Mardi Gras beads and Jazz up my workspace.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I watched a few episodes of the L Word in between talking to people and letting them know that I made it out of Mardi Gras safely…and had hella fun.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
Again, the sounds that a woman makes while tasting her…and getting close enough for me to smell her…those beat out the ocean waves or Nat King Cole or the ice cream truck or anything like that. It's not even close. Hearing my name that way definitely beats out the rain.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
I don't care about the Rolling Stones at all. Can't wait for The Beatles Rock Band game that's supposed to come out this year.

44. WHERE IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Chengdu, China which is the full twelve hours time difference…so I think it's technically as far as I can get from home and still be on planet Earth. I'll have to wait until 2034, when I can take a teleporter to the moon.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Ask your mother...

46 WHERE WERE U BORN?
Ask my mother...

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
As I mentioned before, all of them. Holla!!!

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR CURRENT/MOST RECENT SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Where I meet all my past significant others…work.

Again, have a great day everybody!!! Sorry if I bored you. Pictures are on the way.

25 Random Things

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's a bit of a busy day for me today at work...so I thought that I'd just quickly throw together one of these quiz things that I got from the Mad Scientist and several other people through Facebook. Apparently there's rules to this thing...and you know how I feel about those.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

So here it goes...


25 Random Things About Me (That you may already know)

1. I have yet to break a bone in my body…but my nose has been broken dozens of times.

2. I have a weak superior rectus muscle in my right eye, so a bit of a lazy eye. Luckily it only shows when I look up at somebody…and I'm 6'8" tall.

3. Like the Mad Scientist, I too think that most psychics and palm readers are full of crap and just trying to make a buck (sorry Bubbles & JJ, I know you two LOVE Sylvia Browne) but I do have a fascination with dreams, Karma, déjà vu & tarot cards…and won't f**k around with Ouija boards.

4. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a professional basketball player…AND a paleontologist in the off-season so that I could dig up dinosaurs. I have a slightly different job now...and it was brought up during our morning meeting today.

5. I like my bacon so crispy that you can barely tell that it's bacon.

6. I am truly fascinated by people. I love to hear life stories in detail and see how they got from there to here…and where they want to be down the road. That's why I'm usually really quiet in a group…because I love to listen.

7. I believe that a proper response to a question like, "Should I do (Option A) or (Option B)?" is "Yes." I'll make you break it down to me from your perspective. Again, fascinated with people and their perspectives and reasoning…and I may be ignorant and/or indifferent to the details behind the options.

8. I save text messages from friends & family to cheer me up when I'm feeling lonely. That's the main reason I'm bummed about losing my phone in Vegas over New Year's.

9. I have only been in two real fights in my life…and they were with my brother & my dad…and both over them hitting my mom.

10. Whenever somebody asks me if I play basketball, I respond with "Yes. Do you play miniature golf?"

11. I wanna sing like Nat King Cole…and for some reason, I think that I do pretty well.

12. Math has always been easy to me…but I'm illiterate when it comes to reading people.

13. My first two job interviews when I was 15 years old were for a bar and a mortuary. I'm not even sure why my mom drove me to them…and they were both her idea.

14. My first paying job when I was 15 was a Dishwasher at a truck stop diner for $4 an hour. It lasted a total of 12 hours and I used that money to go see "Independence Day" at the Drive-In and get my brother a birthday present.

15. I have been to 15 countries - Canada (thrice), Mexico, Jamaica, China, South Korea, Greece, Italy (twice...and Sicily), Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Spain, France (twice), the United Kingdom, Scotland and just about everywhere in the United States.

16. Ich habe Deutsch gelernt, aber ich habe das nicht in neun Jahren gesprochen. (Ruben, feel free to correct my grammar)

17. I believe that one of three songs are basically perfect in any situation - "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers, "Get Low" by the Ying Yang Twins, or "You're the Best" by Joe Esposito (from the Karate Kid).

18. As a kid, I used to eat brown sugar by the handful.

19. I am a fairly good ballroom dancer - Waltz, Tango, Cha Cha, Flamenco, Meringue, Foxtrot, Swing, etc.

20. I have had the same lame hairstyle since I had hair. I don't use hair spray, mousse, leave-in's, "product" (whatever that is) and basically it's just a comb that I use to set it…and my fingers when a comb is not available. I think I pull it off pretty well.

21. I used to play / hustle college basketball players (some future pros) in games of HORSE to make a few bucks for groceries when I was on the practice squad. Not surprisingly, my biggest competition was the female players. I once made $100 for hitting 20 free throws in a row…with hecklers. Sound easy? Try it.

22. I once told a classroom during a presentation at a University in Shanghai that I was planning on taking over the world with an army of armor-clad monkeys, pandas and tigers…and that was the reason for my studying there, for reconnocense. The Dean of the University didn't find it amusing at all.

23. I am willing to do just about anything to make somebody smile…but I won't do that.

24. I am a firm believer that NOBODY should get a car for their 16th birthday. I feel that the only way somebody will truly appreciate their first car…is to earn it. That means getting a job over the summer, saving up money, researching the cars, learning at least minor maintenance like changing the oil and tires, try to haggle the price of their decided vehicle…and ultimately purchase it themselves. You learn so many life lessons at an early age that way…and it will benefit them in the long run. It's like teaching somebody to fish rather than just giving them a fillet of tilapia.

25. I think that I’m a great guy and that a lot of ladies are missing out on it.

Now, for the breaking the rules part. I'm not tagging anybody (not just because I don't have 25 friends) so if you'd like to do it, that's be sweet & interesting...but don't fret over it. Other than that, please have a wonderful Super Bowl Weekend!!!

Santa Flies First Class Cuz That's How Pimps Roll

Happy Holidays Ladies & Gentlemen,

Merry Christmas Eve to you all…and since I probably won't see you until after then, Merry Christmas as well. Just a few hours of work and then grab some lunch and head to the airport. In about twelve hours, I'll be hanging at my dad's house and enjoying time with the family. Can't wait. Oh...and in case you were wondering about the title, I basically think that Santa's a pimp. I mean...the guy wears flamboyant red velvet suits with I can only assume white mink trims, big badass gangsta boots & belts (possibly ostrich skin), carries a big sack...and even walks around saying "Ho" this and "Ho" that and telling people of all ages to sit on his lap. Let's not even start with the whole breaking and entering thing...but he gives back to the people too, so he's a cool cat. Merry Christmas to you, Santa! May your ho's ackrite so that you can have some nog with nutmeg this evening. It's hard out there for a pimp.

I watched "In Bruges" starring Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes. The story is about two hitmen, Ray & Ken, who are holding up in Belgium (in Bruges, oddly enough) by orders of their boss Harry (Fiennes) after Ray (Farrell) accidentally shoots a little boy during a hit at a church. While there, Ken (Gleeson) checks out some of the sights of this "fairytale" city…and honestly, it looks like a pretty awesome, well-preserved medieval town. Anyway, Ray is really torn up about it…and semi-suicidal…which is odd, because Harry just called and told Ken to kill him. However, Ken really likes Ray. So what's going to happen? Well, it's a pretty good movie…though I don't really know what genre it is. Maybe a black comedy. It has its funny parts…and there's a lot of swearing (sign of a comedy) but obviously it's a little brutal at some points given the subject material…but there's also a midget, so it has to be a comedy…with brutal drama thrown in…with a dash of heart…and a few gallons of blood.

Anyway, other than that, I basically just talked to Bubbles last night about New Year's and she's super excited about it…and driving to California to hang with the family for Christmas, so that's cool. Oddly enough, Lilie drove from Cali to Vegas on her way to Utah tonight…so exact opposite directions there. Again, I'll be flying into Utah tonight…and super excited. Haven't seen my dad in two months…and it's already been a month since I've seen my mom…and a few months since I've seen my brother. I even got a call yesterday from my buddy Chris who I haven't seen in over a year…and his daughter Sara talked on the phone too. Haven't seen her since she was just a little lady of about four years old. She's turning eight in June. My, how time flies. Enjoy the times you have with your loved ones…and here's a little Christmas quiz that I decided to do.

CHRISTMAS FUN
From: Alisa

1. What is your favorite Christmas song? I have a plethora of Christmas albums from Nat King Cole to Charlotte Church to THE Reverend Al Green to a surprisingly horrible one of Sinatra & Bing Crosby duets. However, one of my favorite new songs that I heard the other day was off the Richard Cheese Christmas album, "Christmas in Las Vegas" from the "Silent Nightclub" album. It's fun and catchy…and it's Vegas. On the real though, what can really beat Nat King Cole's "Christmas Song"? Really?



2. When was your most memorable Christmas? Wow. It's always a good time for Christmas…but I really can't think of one that was particularly memorable. I remember getting a Nintendo when I was six…with Captain Power & the Soldiers of the Future shipgun things. That was pretty sweet. Last Christmas was awesome. How's that for an answer?



3. What is your favorite Christmas treat? Baby Jesus Cookies a.k.a. Kiefels (My aunt Pat's going to have a box of them waiting for me)



4. What do you dislike most about the Christmas season? Commercialism…which is weird being a Marketing Management degree holder…but yeah, Christmas is all about the Love, not the presents. To me, your presence is presents enough.



5. What do you like best about the Christmas season? Being with the family and friends and those you care about. You really can't top it. I'd say the Christmas Spirit…but it does seem like nowadays a lot of people have sand in their orifices this time of year. Still, I try to spread the Spirit…oh and that "Spirit" movie comes out on Christmas. Violent & action-packed. That's cool.



6. Who is the hardest person to shop for on your Christmas list? My dad. The man has EVERYTHING!!! Tools, clothes, therapeutic massagers, blah blah blah. I usually just have to get him some comedies & action movies from the 80's to give him something.



7. If you could receive one gift without money being an issue, what would it be? Rent's good…but I'm down with just hugs & loves. I don't need any more electronics or anything like that, just a place to rest my head…and maybe somebody to lay next to.



8. What is your idea of a perfect Christmas Eve? About 5'8" or so, red hair, green eyes (to keep with the Christmas theme), athletic build, probably a Southern accent (though Irish would seem more likely), great sense of humor, sweet personality, great cook, has a thing for tall guys with stuffed animals in his bedroom, pretty much a nympho, heck…it'd even be a hilarious name for a couple, $teve & Eve.



9. Which do you like best, eggnog, or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate - "I believe in miracles…"



10. Do you prefer a fancy Christmas tree, or one decorated by the kids? Frankly, I don't care. If the kids have fun, I say let them do all the work…but I have a fake tree with about twenty ornaments on it…but I make it work.



11. What is your favorite family Christmas tradition? My stepmom's family does a little Nativity scene play every year with the younger kids so we take pictures and it's cute as hell. I'm thinking that Vinny will play the baby Jesus this year if he makes it…and Kairi'd be a shepherd or something. I think she was Jesus two years ago…but I didn't make it that year (damn former job).



12. Do you like fruitcake? I like Fig Newtons. They're fruit AND cake.



13. Do you prefer skiing or snowboarding? Skiing…but I haven't been either in many years…though I used to have a season pass due to family hookups.



14. Are you dreaming of a White Christmas, or do you say "Bah Humbug" to snow? I enjoy snow a lot…as long as I don't have to drive in it and other drivers don't act retarded around me. "Oh man, there's ice on the ground. I should speed up so I get home quicker. Deeeeeerp…"



15. What was your favorite gift from Santa when you were a child? Underwear and socks. I was a weird kid.



16. What is your favorite Christmas movie? "It's a Wonderful Life" with "Scrooged" close behind. I believe I made a Movie List for this one...



17. Have you ever eaten snow? Not today…but I have been at work all day.



18. Who do you wish could be with you this Christmas? All my family & friends who couldn't make it like my grandparents (passed on), Bubbles, Filly, Elvis, Batman (work to be done) and Megan Fox (engaged to some other dude).



19. When do you put up your Christmas lights and decorations? Right around Thanksgiving….and they usually stay up until the 4th of July.



20. Real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial…though I prefer real…just like breasts
    

Have a great weekend everybody!!! Travel safely…and Merry Christmas to all!

Never Go Full Retard

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Slingin' Sammy Baugh Dies - The last surviving member of the original Pro Football Hall of Fame class & the Great-Grandfather of the Forward Pass has passed away. Sammy Baugh, the legendary quarterback for the Washington Redskins (a.k.a. Racists) from 1937 to 1952 died last night of numerous ailments…but then again, the man was 94 years old and played football for 15 years back when pads were basically leather patches that made you look cool. From a statistical standpoint, he's legendary. During that time, he led the NFL in passing, punting and interceptions the SAME year. In one game, he famously threw four touchdown passes…and intercepted four passes on defense. He won two championships (before Super Bowls). However, his persona and legend is much more than that. He was the ultimate standard of athletic versatility in a time when everybody played both sides of the field. He was essentially a cowboy from West Texas who went to the nation's capital and completely revolutionized the game of football. Since then, he basically lived contently on his 7600-acre ranch. Our condolences go out to his family…including four children, 12 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren.

Stylez G. White - Greg White, a second-year defensive end for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers has officially changed his name to Stylez G, White. A Hillsborough County Circuit Court granted his request Monday. White said it wasn’t that he didn’t like his own name, but really liked the name of a character in the 1985 movie "Teen Wolf," starring Michael J. Fox. In the movie, Fox’s friend is named Rupert "Stiles" Stilinski. White changed the spelling and adopted the name as his own. Well, at least he didn't name his kid Stylez or something like that, just him…and hey, if he wants to call himself Macaroni N. Cheez, that's his business…but if his mama still calls him Greg, I'm gonna call him Greg. Besides, of ALL the possible names from obscure movie references to name yourself after, why the fat kid in Teen Wolf? Obviously I like a few names from movies like Korbin & Lelu from the Fifth Element…but it's not like I'm going to change my name to Klaatu Fletch Rambo or Booger Chunk Vankman. Oh well, it's his choice. I say go with it. Good for you, Stylez.

Baby Name Update - A supermarket is defending itself for refusing to a write out 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell's name on his birthday cake. Deborah Campbell, 25, of nearby Hunterdon County, N.J., said she phoned in her order last week to the Greenwich ShopRite. When she told the bakery department she wanted her son's name spelled out, she was told to talk to a supervisor, who denied the request. Karen Meleta, a ShopRite spokeswoman, said the store denied similar requests from the Campbells the last two years, including a request for a swastika. "We reserve the right not to print anything on the cake that we deem to be inappropriate. We considered this inappropriate." The Campbells ultimately got their cake decorated at a Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania. A Wal-Mart spokesman told The Associated Press on Wednesday that in light of the incident, the company would review its guidelines regarding cake decorations and other requests. "It's clear that in serving this customer, some people were offended," spokesman Greg Rossiter said. "As a result, we're going to review our policies." Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name." (No sh*t!) The Campbells' two other children are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, who turns 2 in a few months, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, whose first birthday will be in April. Campbell said he was raised not to avoid people of other races but not to mix with them socially or romantically…but he said he would try to raise his children differently. "Say he grows up and hangs out with black people. That's fine, I don't really care. That's his choice." He said about 12 people attended the birthday party Sunday, including several children of mixed race. Wow! I didn't think people like this still existed in this day and age…well, at least in the North. I did find it a little funny that Wal-Mart did the cake…but I'm not really surprised. I just…I don't know where to begin with this one. I hope that Heath is telling the truth and promoting racial equality with is children…but honestly, they can't go to school with those names. You could be the coolest kid possible and have magical powers or something…but if you have a name like Adolf, it's not going to work. I think that I talked about this a few weeks ago, right? Damn, I should've started this blog three years ago apparently to get the word out. You could have the ultimate solution in solving the economic crisis, rebuilding our foreign policy, turning lead into gold, perpetual energy from spinning a phrase, figured out that tricky time-travel thing and just about anything else…but if you're running for president as Senator Daterape, it's not going to be a fun ride for you. Just look at how much flack, Obama got for having a middle name like Hussein…like a few MILLION other people across the globe. I hope these kids change their names as soon as legally possible. I don't even care if it's Darth Predator Campbell or Cybill Hannibal Campbell.

Anyway, I guess that'll do it for today…but first, I read this post from my buddy Camb's blog a few weeks back…and thought it'd be interesting to try it out. Here it goes...

20 years ago I...
1. Won my first (and only) trophy…playing goalie in soccer
2. Started playing basketball & Oregon Trail
3. Read a lot of books about Dinosaurs
4. Lived with my parents and little brother

10 years ago I...
1. Went to Prom…and it didn't go too well
2. Was on the Academic Olympiad, German Bowl & Engineering teams…but not basketball
3. Graduated from High School and was a Freshman at the U of U
4. Lived in the dorms with a bunch of crazy people

5 years ago I...
1. Tried out for the Utah Snowbears and the And1 Mix Tape Tour
2. Was given my current car Brandy a.k.a. the Poor Man's Maybach
3. Switched from the U to SLCC
4. Lived in my dad's basement (clearance of under six feet)

3 years ago I...
1. Went to China for a month
2. Got Lasik surgery & experience my first taste of Love
3. Graduated with two degrees
4. Moved into my first solo apartment

1 year ago I...
1. Started doing this silly blog thing
2. Spent a few weeks in Europe with my grandma & mom's crazy friend
3. Spent my nights watching movies & drinking with my peeps Bubbles, JL Clyde, the Mad Scientist & others
4. Was the Best Man at my brother's wedding

This year I...
1. Became an uncle again (and spent my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese)
2. Saw friends of mine move all over the country in a matter of months
3. Decided to move on in my career…and tried to move to Las Vegas for six months
4. Moved to Denver and live in a stunning 34th floor apartment with an amazing view

Yesterday I...
1. Worked a full day
2. Went to the gym
3. Blogged about Tom Hanks fighting Mel Gibson
4. Slept alone

Today I...
1. Worked a half day (would rather work & get paid)
2. Had a nice lunch at work (
3. Will go to the gym, walk around downtown and watch some football tonight
4. Will probably sleep alone

Tomorrow I...
1. Will work a full day again
2. Start wrapping the rest of the Christmas presents
3. Do some laundry…or maybe on Saturday
4. More than likely, will sleep alone…maybe cuddle with a teddy bear

Next year, hopefully, I...
1. Will have gained some great job experience to further my career
2. Will meet new people here in Denver & hang with them
3. Will be able to travel all over the country to see my family & friends
4. Won't be sleeping alone…because I found the cure for cancer

Have a great day everybody!!!

Who Pooped the Bed?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday had a little packing, then I went to spend a few hours with Filly to make a Halloween costume, then we ran some errands for her, lots of fun. After that, my mom arrived back from Minot and they wanted to have dinner...so they picked the Market Street Grill. Now, the first time that I was invited to dinner there was about four years ago...and with a name like Market Street Grill, I was thinking that it was a barbecue pit or something where I can get some pulled pork and a beer or something. I also thought that the lady that invited me to dinner there was just bored and wanted to get something to eat. Little did I know that she thought it was going to be a big deal kind of a date (new outfit, got her hair did, etc.) and that the restaurant was a fancy pantsy seafood place. The situation was awkward the first time...but still fun. My T-shirt & jeans just didn't fit too well. This time, my mom & stepdad went with me...but yeah, because it was decided about an hour ahead of time and I was already downtown, I was once again in a (Dee's Nuts) T-shirt and jeans...but whatever. The Ahi Tuna was delicious...and the clam chowder's pretty damn good too. Gentlemen, if you're looking to impress your lady with some good seafood, this is the place...at least in Slick City.

After that, I basically went home, did some packing, checked some email, started Season 2 of Heroes, and JL Clyde & I watched some "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" before I went to bed, woke up, and am back to packing. I know...boring to read...so here's some news...

Bacon Update - So the other night I was reminded about a little thing...and a few months ago I told y'all about this Abraham Lincoln movie being made where Liam Neeson plays Honest Abe and Harrison Ford plays his vice president Andrew "Han Solo" Johnson. Then I stumbled upon this thing the other day where Mr. Footloose himself Kevin "Hickory Smoked" Bacon is preparing a Showtime TV series about Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth. The Booths" will revolve around actor-brothers Edwin, Junius Brutus Jr. and John Wilkes Booth and their dysfunctional relationship in the years prior to Lincoln's assassination. Son of British Shakespearean actor Junius Brutus Booth and actress Mary Ann Holmes, John Wilkes Booth eventually became a rabid defender of the South and clashed with his brother Edwin. The three brothers performed together just once, in a New York showing of "Julius Caesar" in 1864. Booth shot Lincoln at Ford's Theatre while the President was watching the play "Our American Cousin" on April 14th 1865. It's still unclear who and even if Kevin Bacon will play...but just giving you a heads up on that...since I was kind of blindsided by the whole Paul Giamatti playing John Adams series. Should be interesting...but I probably won't watch it...but it does have Bacon...and that is one of my key words to watching your movie.

Hard Time of Easy Listening? - 24-year old Andrew Vactor was facing a $150 fine for playing rap music too loudly on his car stereo in July but a judge offered to reduce that to $35 if Vactor spent 20 hours listening to classical music by the likes of Bach, Beethoven and Chopin. Vactor lasted only about 15 minutes, a probation officer said. It wasn't the music, Vactor said, he just needed to be at practice with the rest of the Urbana University basketball team. "I didn't have the time to deal with that. I just decided to pay the fine." Champaign County (OH) Municipal Court Judge Susan Fornof-Lippencott says the idea was to force Vactor to listen to something he might not prefer, just as other people had no choice but to listen to his loud rap music. "I think a lot of people don't like to be forced to listen to music," she said. She's also taped TV shows for defendants in other cases to watch on topics such as financial responsibility. As she sees it, they get the chance to have their fine reduced "and at the same time broaden their horizons." That's great and all...and I admire the unique, nonviolent way of...well, I'm not sure what the problem is with loud rap music...but still, she could run for Vice President some day with ideas like that. Honestly, I probably couldn't do that either. Think about it, you're talking about a reduction of $115 in the fine for sitting for 20 hours, that's about $5.75 per hour (now less than minimum wage) and unless I have the next 20 hours off, that's gonna be a problem. I mean, is there some kind of program where I can go in for a few hours a day, like community service...or listen to it while I study and have an adult sign a form...oh wait, he's 24 years old!!! Yay justice system.

Mice & Natural Prozac - Scientists reported on Wednesday that the brain can produce antidepressants with the right signal, a finding that suggests that meditating, or going to your "happy place" truly works. Mice forced to swim endlessly until they surrendered and just floated, waiting to drown, could be conditioned to regain their will to live when a tone they associated with safety was played. The experiment suggests that there are good ways to teach people this skill, and points to new routes for developing better antidepressants, said Dr. Eric Kandel of the Howard Hughes Medical Institute and Columbia University in New York, who led the research. "The happy place works. This is like going to the country," Kandel said in a telephone interview. Writing in the journal Neuron, Kandel's team said they used classical conditioning to train mice. They had already conditioned some mice to fear a neutral tone by playing the sound when they shocked the animals' paws. After a while, the tone itself creates fear. "It scares the hell out of the animal," Kandel said. They decided to reverse the study -- they played the tone when they were not shocking the mice. "It learned that the only time it was really safe is when the tone comes on," Kandel said. To make a mouse depressed, they used a method favored by drug companies called learned helplessness. "You put an animal into a pool of water and it can't get out. It gives up and it stops swimming and it just floats. When you give the animal an antidepressant, it starts swimming again. When we played the tone, it started to swim again just as it did with the antidepressant." That's not waterboarding. That's not torture. That's experimentation, baby!!! Oh...and don't worry, those rat bastards told us where the others were...and they really WERE in those holes in the wall.

So after this completely humane and ethically sound study, the scientists looked at the brains of their mice and saw them using the conditioned "safety" tone activated a different pathway than the drugs did. It affected dopamine, while antidepressants work on serotonin. Both are message-carrying molecules called neurotransmitters. The conditioning also affected a compound called brain-derived neurotrophic factor or BDNF -- which helps nourish and encourages the growth of brain cells. Apparently this meditation stuff really works. Now, I've been saying that for a while...but now a team of other doctors agree with me...and have that pesky evidence stuff going for them too. So my suggestion is just to relax, take a deep breath, think happy thoughts, find that happy place with your mom winning the slot machine, a beautiful woman in lingerie with a pitcher of beer in each hand, and the bicycling midget, and let your mind at ease.

Oh, I also did this Quiz thing about me. See if you can beat the the top score currently of 60% held by Nikki, Lilie, and JL Clyde. It's a quiz to see if you know me...but then again, if you really know me, you know that I like to mess with people...so don't feel bad if you don't get 100%. I'm a very complex person. Have a great day everybody!!!