Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
The Madness begins again tonight!!! I’m currently one point behind in the office pool…but I think there are no more upsets on my pool so…I guess I just have to hope whoever’s in the lead picked something really random and it doesn’t come to be. Oh well. Other than that, I heard a cute story from my mom last night that I thought I’d share with you. Kairi & Vinny were staying with her the other night…and they slept in grandma’s bed. Kairi went to sleep right away…but Vinny jabbered on for two hours about whatever (may be genetic?) then fell asleep. Well, apparently shortly after he fell asleep, he started talking in his sleep, “Burger King, French fries, chicken nuggets, mmm Burger King…” and so on for quite some time. Was my nephew having dreams of fast food? Well, I can’t say much. I’m sure I’ve been caught talking in my sleep, “Mmm melons, fish tacos, pumpkin pie, MELONS!!! FISH TACOS!!! (followed by a little motorboat action)” so it’s perfectly natural. What can I say? We Loves love our food.
I’ve also started watching season one of “Breaking Bad” the AMC TV series starring Bryan Cranston. It’s the story of a high school chemistry teacher Walter White (Cranston) who just turned fifty, has a beautiful thirty-something wife, disabled son and a daughter on the way. Then he finds out that he has inoperable lung cancer…and about a year to live. He wants to provide for his family once he’s gone…but how? Teachers make d**k for money (that’s why I’m not in the industry). Well, his brother-in-law is a DEA agent…and he hears about the piles of cash that meth dealers have when they get busted. He goes on a ride-along…and during a bust finds that a former student of his is in the industry…and so he basically says, “Either help me or I’ll turn you in” and they start to cook meth. Oh, by the way, it’s rated M for Mature. I like it thus far…and I’m gonna tell you why.
I’ve mentioned before that it’d probably be a bad idea to give me a negative diagnosis. In fact, I’m pretty sure that everybody has a list of things they would do if they were given (set amount of time) to live. Travel the world, spend time with loved ones, plant a tree, what's on your list? Well, I’m also pretty sure that most of the men that I know, have a slightly different list. More of a “Blaze of Glory” list where, as mentioned before, I’d rob a bank (hoping not to hurt anybody…but don’t get in my f**king way). We’ve all thought about getting into the drug game at one time or another (don’t deny it). That’s where the money is. So why don’t we do it? We don’t want to go to jail. People die all the time in the game. Drugs are bad m’kay. There are moral implications on profiting on the suffering of others (but it’s very easy to convince yourself that you’re providing a much needed service or something). Maybe we just have other options. We all have our reasons…but yeah, if you knew there was a ticking clock…and you only had a few weeks to live the rest of your life and provide for your family, I’m pretty sure you’d do something similar to what Walter White’s doing on this show. God know I would. In fact, in the first few episodes, I was trying to help Walter with some of his moral dilemmas, “Don’t feed that drug dealer. He tried to kill you. What more reason do you need to finish him?” or “What’s the big deal about disposing of a body?” Yeah, it was kind of scary after a while how comfortable I was with some of the ideas presented…but hey, that’s how TV dramas are. You have to drag it out, otherwise there’s no season two. So yeah, let’s all hope I have perfect health until the Apocalypse comes and I’m swallowed whole by a giant snake. Here’s some news…
Bank Robbing Update – Also, if you’re going to do some criminal enterprise, do it wisely. If you’re dealing drugs, don’t get high on your own supply. If you’re gonna sell p***y, don’t pay for it & keep your pimp hand strong. If you’re going to rob a bank, don’t give away the element of surprise. It’s really all you have. Police in Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get a bag of money ready. Police arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on robbery and threatening charges Tuesday afternoon at a People's United Bank branch in Fairfield. Sgt. James Perez says the two Bridgeport residents showed up about 10 minutes after making the call and were met by police in the parking lot. Perez told the Connecticut Post the suspects were "not too bright." It's not clear if Bailey and the teen have lawyers. That had to have been an interesting phone conversation. “People’s United Bank, this is Cindy, how can I help you?” “Yeah, hey Cindy, whattup? This is Al (in the background, “Don’t use your name”) She wouldn’t know it’s my real name if you kept your f**king mouth shut. Sorry, so yeah, we were just letting you know that we’re gonna rob y’all in about ten, fifteen minutes…so it’d be easier for both of us if you just had the bag of money ready to go. You know, standard stuff, non-sequined, unmarked bills (“It’s non-sequential”) Shut the f**k up, you’re just a little kid. Grown-ups is on the phone. Alright, so Cindy, can ya do that for me? Otherwise it’s gonna get really messy up in this piece.” “Ugh…sure, so…you want me to have a bag of money ready to just give to you? Okay. Ugh…do you want me to just bring it out into the parking lot or something?” “(whispers) She says she’ll just bring it out to the car for us. (“Sure, that’s easier, right?”) Good thinking Cindy, make sure to keep a stack for yourself.” “Okay, will do. Ugh…what car should I look for?” “Oh, duuuh. Okay, we’re going to be pulling up in this rust-colored Cadillac with a red fender (“It’s just covered in rust, I think it’s gray”) She’s not gonna notice the gray & rust is a color, for the last time, shut the f**k up. Okay, the license plate number is…” And they wonder how they got caught. Seriously, they didn’t even think to say that they had a hostage or anything? Come on guys. Wait, maybe they’re like this next guy…
Mugshot of the Week - A Florida man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for violating his probation by trying to break into the Brevard County jail. A judged sentenced 25-year-old Sylvester Jiles of Cocoa on Monday. He was convicted in January of trespassing on jail property and resisting an officer. Authorities say Jiles tried to climb a 12-foot fence at the Brevard County Detention Center in August. He was caught and hospitalized with severe cuts from the barbed wire. He had been released a week earlier after accepting a plea deal on a manslaughter charge. Jiles had begged jail officials to take him back into custody, saying he feared retaliation from the victim's family (as well he should…because if he had killed someone in my family, jail’s the safest place for him). Jail officials said they couldn't take him in and told him to file a police report…so he tried to break back in…and now will be there until he’s forty…or randomly shanked in the shower by a lifer for a pack of cigarettes. Kind of a sad story all around…but hey, the mugshot’s ridiculous. Some people just like being behind bars? I blame the design of playpens for my Uncle Joey’s problem (yes, that’s a “Back to the Future” reference) but it’s not like it’s government funded or anything…
Sing Sing Sing-Along - Complaints have prompted New York City's public housing authority to change a playground jungle gym made to resemble a jail. Workers removed the word "jail" and fake bars on Wednesday from the Tompkins Houses jungle gym in Brooklyn (of course it’s in the inner city). Natasha Godley, who has a 6-year-old son, says she complained because "it was like promoting kids to go to jail." Housing Authority spokeswoman Sheila Stainback (stage name?) says it was part of the original design of the playground, which was erected in 2004. She says no one complained until this week (Really? That’s quite impressive). Stainback said the agency wants to replace that part of the playground and is looking into who ordered the equipment. Changes also were being made to a second fake jail. Stainback declined to divulge its location (so either the Bronx or Harlem). You know, you may be thinking “How could that have passed? A fake jail…in a playground?” but then again, I remember a few things growing up that seemed questionable on this level. Remember Dodgeball? What happened when you got hit? You went to “jail” and stayed there until somebody on your team caught the ball or the next game. Monopoly? You go to jail and play craps (try to roll doubles) until they let you go. And why? Because the card told you so. I’ve always wondered why I went to jail in that game. Did I try to welch on the rent? Tax evasion? Grand theft auto? Did I kill another hooker? Did I run over the dog? Was my thimble found at a coke bust? I mean…we put babies in cages and call them bassinettes, right? Maybe it’s not just silly playgrounds…where you also have the option to jump off a bridge, slide down a garbage chute, dangle from a bar over a surface of recycled tires and mulch and honestly, I don’t know how kids get hurt at these things anymore. They’re all plastic and flubber or whatever…where when I was in the jungle gym years, you know why they were called jungle gyms, because they used trees…and nails…and reinforced steel…and they didn’t even polish it or sand the edges most of the time. Hell, I say if the kids want a playground, let them build it out of Legos…and I’ll bet you it ends up looking like a jail with a sweet little swively satellite on top and a drawbridge. I forget what my point was. Oh yeah, is it Racist? Funny? Ridiculous? All the above? You be the judge. Oh…and don’t think stuff like this only leads to inner-city kids turning to a life of crime…
Slick City Update - Police said a teenager who botched a robbery at a Salt Lake City convenience store asked the clerk not to tell his mom. Salt Lake City police said the teen went into the store early Saturday morning and approached the counter with several items. As the clerk rung them up, the teen tried to sneak behind him and hold a knife to his neck. The clerk spun around with his hands up and smacked the teen in the face, knocking him to the floor. The teen then asked the clerk not to call the police and then added "Don't tell my mom" before he fled. What the hell? Punk ass kids pulling a knife at a 7-11 (how do I know it was a 7-11? Because they have one ever single block in Salt Lake City), gets pimpslapped by the clerk…and then runs home to his mom. I’m surprised the clerk didn’t chase after him, put him over his knee and tan that hide until the cops showed up for child abuse or something. THIS is why spanking your kids isn’t wrong. I’ll tell you what, if Kairi pulls a knife on me for some reason, she’d better be quick with it. “Baby girl, don’t. You won’t like how it ends up…” Grab, twist, break, slap, subdue. Kids nowadays, am I right? They can’t even shoplift right anymore. That’s just lazy. Oh…and speaking of kids…
PETA and the Octomom - Nadya Suleman's octuplets have brought her plenty of fame…but fortune appears to be another story. Her father, Ed Doud, has defaulted on a $450,000 balloon payment on a half-million dollar house he bought last year for the family to live in, mortgage holder Amer Haddadin said Wednesday. Haddadin told The Associated Press he plans to file foreclosure papers in court within days if he doesn't get his money. Although Suleman's lawyer, Jeff Czech, said earlier this week his client's father was hoping to work something out, he was blunt when it came to the balloon payment: "Mr. Doud at this moment doesn't have $450,000 to pay off." In a brief e-mail Wednesday, he added that he was negotiating with Haddadin's attorney for more time to refinance. Not that Suleman doesn't have the opportunity to raise the money quickly, although not in ways she would want to. Wait, it gets good. Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment, one of the world's largest purveyors of adult films, announced this week that his company would pay off Suleman's mortgage if she would make a porn film (get laid AND pay off your parent’s house?). Hirsch assured it would be, well, as tasteful as those things can be with her input on male co-stars and script (I thought this was a porn?). He declined to say whether Suleman had expressed interest in the offer, but Czech indicated she had rejected it out of hand. He did say that Suleman had accepted a much more modest offer from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) which was $5,000 to put a sign in her front yard proclaiming, "Don't Let Your Dog or Cat Become an Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter." As an added incentive, the animal rights organization had said Wednesday it would throw in a month's supply of veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs (but no real food) for Suleman and her 14 children, who range in age from 1 to 8. "No porn. Just Peta. Nadya prefers animals over men," Czech said in an e-mail exchange with The Associated Press…and if you play your cards right, he could represent you too and imply that you’re into bestiality. When Suleman's children were born in January 2009 it seemed inconceivable that a little more than a year later she might be scrounging up hot dog offers from an animal rights group. The arrival of the longest-surviving octuplets in history was hailed as a medial miracle and it appeared a joyful public was ready to line up to help raise them, providing free diapers, food and other necessities. There was also talk of book and movie deals and perhaps a reality show along the lines of "Jon & Kate Plus 8." So how did this happen? Well, public opinion quickly turned against her when it was discovered she was a single mother who had conceived eight children by in vitro fertilization when she already had six youngsters to raise. What's more she was unemployed and surviving on a combination of student loans, disability checks for other children and workers' compensation checks for an old back injury (that explains why she just lied there…I mean… what?). At the time she was also living with her mother whose own home was in foreclosure. Still, she made some money. The European production company, Eyeworks, whose credits include "Breaking Bonaduce" and "The Biggest Loser," signed a deal under which her children would earn nearly $250,000 over a three-year period. Suleman also struck a deal with RadarOnline.com that came to light after the tabloid site was cited by the state labor commissioner for allegedly failing to get the required permits to videotape her children and for filming too many hours a day and too late at night. But she also spent money, too. She's been photographed shopping at expensive stores, getting manicures and working out. Her father bought her current home in La Habra, a bedroom community of 60,000 southeast of Los Angeles, for $565,000, including a $130,000 down payment. Under the terms of the deal, Haddadin said, he was to receive $4,000 in monthly payments, followed by the balloon payment, which was due March 10. Suleman's attorney has said Haddadin failed to disclose several major defects in the home, including one that leaves it susceptible to flooding during rainstorms (ugh…it’s in California? It’s susceptible to earthquakes & drive-bys too). "Toys were floating around in the garage," during a recent storm, he said. Haddadin angrily denied there were any problems with the house. "It was in good condition. I lived there 11 years and we had no problems." So obviously my favorite part…is where PETA, who normally I think is quite ridiculous, basically gave her money to call her a b**ch in heat…and say that she should be spayed…and then give her & her litter dog food burgers for a month…because she had to shop on Rodeo Drive & despite having 14 kids by various baby daddies, she’s not willing to get f**ked for half a million dollars. You really can’t make stuff like that up. I’m sorry for your financial woes, Octomom…but on the other hand, I really don’t give a sh*t. Thank you for making my day…and like Bob Barker said, “Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets.”
That’ll do it for today. Perhaps the life of crime simply isn’t the life for me…and I’m thankful for that. I’ll just stick to misdemeanor like public indecency, exhibitionism, and the occasional illegal U-turn instead of cooking up drugs, robbing banks & pimpin’ women. Then again, we’ll see how my next doctor’s appointment goes. Keep up the good fight everybody!!! Have a great night!!!
The Madness begins again tonight!!! I’m currently one point behind in the office pool…but I think there are no more upsets on my pool so…I guess I just have to hope whoever’s in the lead picked something really random and it doesn’t come to be. Oh well. Other than that, I heard a cute story from my mom last night that I thought I’d share with you. Kairi & Vinny were staying with her the other night…and they slept in grandma’s bed. Kairi went to sleep right away…but Vinny jabbered on for two hours about whatever (may be genetic?) then fell asleep. Well, apparently shortly after he fell asleep, he started talking in his sleep, “Burger King, French fries, chicken nuggets, mmm Burger King…” and so on for quite some time. Was my nephew having dreams of fast food? Well, I can’t say much. I’m sure I’ve been caught talking in my sleep, “Mmm melons, fish tacos, pumpkin pie, MELONS!!! FISH TACOS!!! (followed by a little motorboat action)” so it’s perfectly natural. What can I say? We Loves love our food.
I’ve also started watching season one of “Breaking Bad” the AMC TV series starring Bryan Cranston. It’s the story of a high school chemistry teacher Walter White (Cranston) who just turned fifty, has a beautiful thirty-something wife, disabled son and a daughter on the way. Then he finds out that he has inoperable lung cancer…and about a year to live. He wants to provide for his family once he’s gone…but how? Teachers make d**k for money (that’s why I’m not in the industry). Well, his brother-in-law is a DEA agent…and he hears about the piles of cash that meth dealers have when they get busted. He goes on a ride-along…and during a bust finds that a former student of his is in the industry…and so he basically says, “Either help me or I’ll turn you in” and they start to cook meth. Oh, by the way, it’s rated M for Mature. I like it thus far…and I’m gonna tell you why.I’ve mentioned before that it’d probably be a bad idea to give me a negative diagnosis. In fact, I’m pretty sure that everybody has a list of things they would do if they were given (set amount of time) to live. Travel the world, spend time with loved ones, plant a tree, what's on your list? Well, I’m also pretty sure that most of the men that I know, have a slightly different list. More of a “Blaze of Glory” list where, as mentioned before, I’d rob a bank (hoping not to hurt anybody…but don’t get in my f**king way). We’ve all thought about getting into the drug game at one time or another (don’t deny it). That’s where the money is. So why don’t we do it? We don’t want to go to jail. People die all the time in the game. Drugs are bad m’kay. There are moral implications on profiting on the suffering of others (but it’s very easy to convince yourself that you’re providing a much needed service or something). Maybe we just have other options. We all have our reasons…but yeah, if you knew there was a ticking clock…and you only had a few weeks to live the rest of your life and provide for your family, I’m pretty sure you’d do something similar to what Walter White’s doing on this show. God know I would. In fact, in the first few episodes, I was trying to help Walter with some of his moral dilemmas, “Don’t feed that drug dealer. He tried to kill you. What more reason do you need to finish him?” or “What’s the big deal about disposing of a body?” Yeah, it was kind of scary after a while how comfortable I was with some of the ideas presented…but hey, that’s how TV dramas are. You have to drag it out, otherwise there’s no season two. So yeah, let’s all hope I have perfect health until the Apocalypse comes and I’m swallowed whole by a giant snake. Here’s some news…
Bank Robbing Update – Also, if you’re going to do some criminal enterprise, do it wisely. If you’re dealing drugs, don’t get high on your own supply. If you’re gonna sell p***y, don’t pay for it & keep your pimp hand strong. If you’re going to rob a bank, don’t give away the element of surprise. It’s really all you have. Police in Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get a bag of money ready. Police arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on robbery and threatening charges Tuesday afternoon at a People's United Bank branch in Fairfield. Sgt. James Perez says the two Bridgeport residents showed up about 10 minutes after making the call and were met by police in the parking lot. Perez told the Connecticut Post the suspects were "not too bright." It's not clear if Bailey and the teen have lawyers. That had to have been an interesting phone conversation. “People’s United Bank, this is Cindy, how can I help you?” “Yeah, hey Cindy, whattup? This is Al (in the background, “Don’t use your name”) She wouldn’t know it’s my real name if you kept your f**king mouth shut. Sorry, so yeah, we were just letting you know that we’re gonna rob y’all in about ten, fifteen minutes…so it’d be easier for both of us if you just had the bag of money ready to go. You know, standard stuff, non-sequined, unmarked bills (“It’s non-sequential”) Shut the f**k up, you’re just a little kid. Grown-ups is on the phone. Alright, so Cindy, can ya do that for me? Otherwise it’s gonna get really messy up in this piece.” “Ugh…sure, so…you want me to have a bag of money ready to just give to you? Okay. Ugh…do you want me to just bring it out into the parking lot or something?” “(whispers) She says she’ll just bring it out to the car for us. (“Sure, that’s easier, right?”) Good thinking Cindy, make sure to keep a stack for yourself.” “Okay, will do. Ugh…what car should I look for?” “Oh, duuuh. Okay, we’re going to be pulling up in this rust-colored Cadillac with a red fender (“It’s just covered in rust, I think it’s gray”) She’s not gonna notice the gray & rust is a color, for the last time, shut the f**k up. Okay, the license plate number is…” And they wonder how they got caught. Seriously, they didn’t even think to say that they had a hostage or anything? Come on guys. Wait, maybe they’re like this next guy…
Mugshot of the Week - A Florida man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for violating his probation by trying to break into the Brevard County jail. A judged sentenced 25-year-old Sylvester Jiles of Cocoa on Monday. He was convicted in January of trespassing on jail property and resisting an officer. Authorities say Jiles tried to climb a 12-foot fence at the Brevard County Detention Center in August. He was caught and hospitalized with severe cuts from the barbed wire. He had been released a week earlier after accepting a plea deal on a manslaughter charge. Jiles had begged jail officials to take him back into custody, saying he feared retaliation from the victim's family (as well he should…because if he had killed someone in my family, jail’s the safest place for him). Jail officials said they couldn't take him in and told him to file a police report…so he tried to break back in…and now will be there until he’s forty…or randomly shanked in the shower by a lifer for a pack of cigarettes. Kind of a sad story all around…but hey, the mugshot’s ridiculous. Some people just like being behind bars? I blame the design of playpens for my Uncle Joey’s problem (yes, that’s a “Back to the Future” reference) but it’s not like it’s government funded or anything…
Sing Sing Sing-Along - Complaints have prompted New York City's public housing authority to change a playground jungle gym made to resemble a jail. Workers removed the word "jail" and fake bars on Wednesday from the Tompkins Houses jungle gym in Brooklyn (of course it’s in the inner city). Natasha Godley, who has a 6-year-old son, says she complained because "it was like promoting kids to go to jail." Housing Authority spokeswoman Sheila Stainback (stage name?) says it was part of the original design of the playground, which was erected in 2004. She says no one complained until this week (Really? That’s quite impressive). Stainback said the agency wants to replace that part of the playground and is looking into who ordered the equipment. Changes also were being made to a second fake jail. Stainback declined to divulge its location (so either the Bronx or Harlem). You know, you may be thinking “How could that have passed? A fake jail…in a playground?” but then again, I remember a few things growing up that seemed questionable on this level. Remember Dodgeball? What happened when you got hit? You went to “jail” and stayed there until somebody on your team caught the ball or the next game. Monopoly? You go to jail and play craps (try to roll doubles) until they let you go. And why? Because the card told you so. I’ve always wondered why I went to jail in that game. Did I try to welch on the rent? Tax evasion? Grand theft auto? Did I kill another hooker? Did I run over the dog? Was my thimble found at a coke bust? I mean…we put babies in cages and call them bassinettes, right? Maybe it’s not just silly playgrounds…where you also have the option to jump off a bridge, slide down a garbage chute, dangle from a bar over a surface of recycled tires and mulch and honestly, I don’t know how kids get hurt at these things anymore. They’re all plastic and flubber or whatever…where when I was in the jungle gym years, you know why they were called jungle gyms, because they used trees…and nails…and reinforced steel…and they didn’t even polish it or sand the edges most of the time. Hell, I say if the kids want a playground, let them build it out of Legos…and I’ll bet you it ends up looking like a jail with a sweet little swively satellite on top and a drawbridge. I forget what my point was. Oh yeah, is it Racist? Funny? Ridiculous? All the above? You be the judge. Oh…and don’t think stuff like this only leads to inner-city kids turning to a life of crime…
Slick City Update - Police said a teenager who botched a robbery at a Salt Lake City convenience store asked the clerk not to tell his mom. Salt Lake City police said the teen went into the store early Saturday morning and approached the counter with several items. As the clerk rung them up, the teen tried to sneak behind him and hold a knife to his neck. The clerk spun around with his hands up and smacked the teen in the face, knocking him to the floor. The teen then asked the clerk not to call the police and then added "Don't tell my mom" before he fled. What the hell? Punk ass kids pulling a knife at a 7-11 (how do I know it was a 7-11? Because they have one ever single block in Salt Lake City), gets pimpslapped by the clerk…and then runs home to his mom. I’m surprised the clerk didn’t chase after him, put him over his knee and tan that hide until the cops showed up for child abuse or something. THIS is why spanking your kids isn’t wrong. I’ll tell you what, if Kairi pulls a knife on me for some reason, she’d better be quick with it. “Baby girl, don’t. You won’t like how it ends up…” Grab, twist, break, slap, subdue. Kids nowadays, am I right? They can’t even shoplift right anymore. That’s just lazy. Oh…and speaking of kids…
PETA and the Octomom - Nadya Suleman's octuplets have brought her plenty of fame…but fortune appears to be another story. Her father, Ed Doud, has defaulted on a $450,000 balloon payment on a half-million dollar house he bought last year for the family to live in, mortgage holder Amer Haddadin said Wednesday. Haddadin told The Associated Press he plans to file foreclosure papers in court within days if he doesn't get his money. Although Suleman's lawyer, Jeff Czech, said earlier this week his client's father was hoping to work something out, he was blunt when it came to the balloon payment: "Mr. Doud at this moment doesn't have $450,000 to pay off." In a brief e-mail Wednesday, he added that he was negotiating with Haddadin's attorney for more time to refinance. Not that Suleman doesn't have the opportunity to raise the money quickly, although not in ways she would want to. Wait, it gets good. Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment, one of the world's largest purveyors of adult films, announced this week that his company would pay off Suleman's mortgage if she would make a porn film (get laid AND pay off your parent’s house?). Hirsch assured it would be, well, as tasteful as those things can be with her input on male co-stars and script (I thought this was a porn?). He declined to say whether Suleman had expressed interest in the offer, but Czech indicated she had rejected it out of hand. He did say that Suleman had accepted a much more modest offer from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) which was $5,000 to put a sign in her front yard proclaiming, "Don't Let Your Dog or Cat Become an Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter." As an added incentive, the animal rights organization had said Wednesday it would throw in a month's supply of veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs (but no real food) for Suleman and her 14 children, who range in age from 1 to 8. "No porn. Just Peta. Nadya prefers animals over men," Czech said in an e-mail exchange with The Associated Press…and if you play your cards right, he could represent you too and imply that you’re into bestiality. When Suleman's children were born in January 2009 it seemed inconceivable that a little more than a year later she might be scrounging up hot dog offers from an animal rights group. The arrival of the longest-surviving octuplets in history was hailed as a medial miracle and it appeared a joyful public was ready to line up to help raise them, providing free diapers, food and other necessities. There was also talk of book and movie deals and perhaps a reality show along the lines of "Jon & Kate Plus 8." So how did this happen? Well, public opinion quickly turned against her when it was discovered she was a single mother who had conceived eight children by in vitro fertilization when she already had six youngsters to raise. What's more she was unemployed and surviving on a combination of student loans, disability checks for other children and workers' compensation checks for an old back injury (that explains why she just lied there…I mean… what?). At the time she was also living with her mother whose own home was in foreclosure. Still, she made some money. The European production company, Eyeworks, whose credits include "Breaking Bonaduce" and "The Biggest Loser," signed a deal under which her children would earn nearly $250,000 over a three-year period. Suleman also struck a deal with RadarOnline.com that came to light after the tabloid site was cited by the state labor commissioner for allegedly failing to get the required permits to videotape her children and for filming too many hours a day and too late at night. But she also spent money, too. She's been photographed shopping at expensive stores, getting manicures and working out. Her father bought her current home in La Habra, a bedroom community of 60,000 southeast of Los Angeles, for $565,000, including a $130,000 down payment. Under the terms of the deal, Haddadin said, he was to receive $4,000 in monthly payments, followed by the balloon payment, which was due March 10. Suleman's attorney has said Haddadin failed to disclose several major defects in the home, including one that leaves it susceptible to flooding during rainstorms (ugh…it’s in California? It’s susceptible to earthquakes & drive-bys too). "Toys were floating around in the garage," during a recent storm, he said. Haddadin angrily denied there were any problems with the house. "It was in good condition. I lived there 11 years and we had no problems." So obviously my favorite part…is where PETA, who normally I think is quite ridiculous, basically gave her money to call her a b**ch in heat…and say that she should be spayed…and then give her & her litter dog food burgers for a month…because she had to shop on Rodeo Drive & despite having 14 kids by various baby daddies, she’s not willing to get f**ked for half a million dollars. You really can’t make stuff like that up. I’m sorry for your financial woes, Octomom…but on the other hand, I really don’t give a sh*t. Thank you for making my day…and like Bob Barker said, “Don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets.”That’ll do it for today. Perhaps the life of crime simply isn’t the life for me…and I’m thankful for that. I’ll just stick to misdemeanor like public indecency, exhibitionism, and the occasional illegal U-turn instead of cooking up drugs, robbing banks & pimpin’ women. Then again, we’ll see how my next doctor’s appointment goes. Keep up the good fight everybody!!! Have a great night!!!
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