Thursday, March 18, 2010

Viva La Brown Shirts

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Hangover Day!!! Hopefully you were a little responsible last night and don’t have a pounding headache during this midweek post-St. Patrick’s Day…but in either case, don’t worry. You can always have a Bloody Mary and there’s PLENTY of corned beef left over to soak up all that alcohol. The shiner and the rash are probably going to stick around for a while though. As for me, I had a fun little evening…but nothing really out of the ordinary. I did eventually make it down to downtown Truckee and wandered around there for a bit. Spent most of my time at the Tourist Club, which is a very small, very bar bar on Donner Pass Road. I mean… they offer no food. Just drinks…and at special prices this special day. However, it was standing room only at this point in the evening. I had a few drinks (but not a lot…because I was my ride home and I know the po-po was parked right outside), tried to strike up a few conversations…but I swear there’s not ONE single woman over the age of 18 in this whole f**king town. If so, they’re in hibernation right now. It kinda makes sense though. How else could you afford to live here unless you were cohabitating or living in your parent’s basement or something? Hell, I’ve got a roommate…and I’m considering getting back into pimpin’ to make ends meet. “You b**ches wanna make some REAL money?” Sorry, I saw the South Park where Butters is a pimp for the first time last night…and I never liked Butters…but it may be my new favorite episode. Anyway, that was the evening. After a few drinks, I went home (had a few more) and slept like a baby (alone). No fiery lasses this evening…but I did get a fortune cookie the other day that was a two-for... and they read "You Will Be Rewarded for Your Patience & Understanding... in Bed" and “You Will Have Full Contentment By Summer’s End… in Bed” so I’m optimistic as always. Then again, f**k patience, Dr Love needs some patients. Anyway, here’s some news…

Thai Problems – So has anybody been checking out the news recently? People in Thailand are starting to creep me out. The worst part is…my mom’s going there to start a cruise in less than four weeks. If you remember, this isn’t the first time that I’ve mentioned Thai Politics and craziness in the same sentence. So, just to catch you up, Thai protesters seeking a change of government turned to shock tactics Tuesday, pouring gallons of their own blood into a glistening puddle at the gate of the prime minister's office (you read that right, puddles of blood). The dramatic gesture, repeated in front of the headquarters of Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiava's Democrat Party, grabbed attention but put the "Red Shirt" protest movement no closer to its goal of forcing new elections (recount?). More than 100,000 demonstrators from all over the country gathered in Bangkok on Sunday, vowing to keep up their protest until victory. But Abhisit has rejected their demands to dissolve Parliament, saying only that he will listen to the protesters' point of view and leaving the situation in a stalemate. Reporters asked one of the protest leaders what their next move would be, and Veera Musikapong replied, "I want to know that myself." He said the group maps strategy on a day-by-day basis. The protesters comprise supporters of former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, who was ousted by a 2006 military coup for alleged corruption, and pro-democracy activists who opposed the army takeover. They believe Abhisit came to power illegitimately with the connivance of the military and other parts of the traditional ruling class who were alarmed by Thaksin's popularity, particularly among the poor (everybody loves a corrupt underdog). Thailand has been in political turmoil since early 2006, when anti-Thaksin demonstrations began. In 2008, when Thaksin's political allies came back to power for a year, his "Yellow Shirt" opponents (don’t need to tell you what kind of puddles they left in protest) occupied the prime minister's office compound for three months and seized Bangkok's two airports for a week. Thousands of Red Shirts formed long lines Tuesday morning to have their blood drawn by nurses, a day after their leaders vowed to collect at least 1 million cubic centimeters of blood (1000 liters or about 264 gallons) to spill at Government House. They claimed to have collected 300,000 cubic centimeters (about 80 gallons). Suriya Laemthong, 28, shielded his eyes with a baseball cap as a nurse pricked his arm (I wonder if they had to share…this is how disease spreads). He said he doubted that the blood spilling would compel the government to step down but that he finds the protest leaders' strategies "rational and acceptable." "If they say that we soldier on, I'm ready," he said. A few teaspoons of blood were drawn from each volunteer and then transferred into dozens of large plastic water jugs that were passed overhead through the crowd of cheering protesters before being delivered to Government House, the prime minister's office. "When we see gallons and gallons of blood here, instead of feeling frightened and horrified, we feel proud that this is the mutual expression of the Thai people," proclaimed Natthawut Saikua, another Red Shirt leader. (I’m thousands of miles away & frightened) The Red Shirts say that if the people are willing to sacrifice their blood, Prime Minister Abhisit should show similar spirit by relinquishing power. Riot police allowed protest leaders to approach the iron front gate and pour out the blood, which oozed under the gate as national television broadcast the images live (instead of regularly scheduled Seinfeld). A purported Brahmin priest in ceremonial robes performed an unorthodox black magic ritual on the Red Shirts' behalf. "The blood of the common people is mixing together to fight for democracy," Natthawut told cheering supporters. "When Abhisit works in his office, he will be reminded that he is sitting on the people's blood." Abhisit has not entered his office at Government House since preliminary protests started on Friday. Minutes afterward, a government medical cleanup team in white coats, face masks and rubber gloves hosed down the site. Health authorities had warned that the protest risked spreading disease if infected blood splashed healthy bystanders. So there you have it. Thailand has gotten even crazier. Seriously, forget tea parties or whatever, I don’t see protestors here splitting veins before their congressman. “I don’t agree with your policy on education reform.” “JESUS!!! What are you doing?” “I’m showing you just how much I disagree with your ideas.” “SECURITY!!! Oh f**k, that rug really tied the room together.” That’s right, the Dude’s in politics in my world now…and that man bled on his f**king rug. “He bled on your rug, dude?” He bled on his f**king rug. Oh, you think I’m crazy. Just wait until me & my fellow Brown Shirts get to the capital building for a talk with the Governator. “Wat de faaaak are you doing? Quit krappin’ on my rug.” “Here’s what I think of your stance on welfare, Dutch.” This is where I get my ass kicked by a man in his sixties…and win a bet with JL Clyde.

Democracy Wins Again – Let’s stay in crazy politics for a second, shall we? A woman who has directed 300 "female-friendly" sex films (mmm… I like the sound of that) is to test the liberal-mindedness of British voters and run for parliament in an election due within weeks. Anna Arrowsmith, 38, whose works under the name Anna Span include "Be My Toy Boy," "Hoxton Honey" and "Uniform Behavior," is standing for the opposition Liberal Democrats in the Kent constituency of Gravesham in southeast England. Her last-minute selection for the seat after the previous candidate dropped out made headlines across Britain over the weekend as the opposition party met in the midlands city of Birmingham ahead of the election expected in May. Even the normally august Times newspaper put her picture on its front page above the caption: "The woman who is sexing up the Lib Dems" (and readers were somewhat disappointed when they found it she wasn’t a madame involved in a sex scandal). Party leader Nick Clegg said her films were not his "cup of tea" but said she had at least not done anything illegal, a swipe at rival politicians caught up in a long-running scandal over parliamentary expenses. Ah British humor. Arrowsmith, managing director of Easy on the Eye Productions, said her move into politics was a natural diversification after years of campaigning to improve women's rights in the adult film industry. "I'm hopefully taking the skills I've learned of being a fighter to the national stage at Westminster," she told Reuters. Despite a matter-of-fact attitude to her subject matter, she has always remained behind the camera. "You've got to naturally be an exhibitionist and that's not what I am like. Porn stars would walk along the streets nude, that's what they enjoy, that's not me." Hmm… I think I just got an idea for her victory parade… but in either case, best of luck to you, Ms. Arrowsmith. I wonder if her work’s on Netflix. I’ve wondered if British porn is as its portrayed on Family Guy…or if it’s just like any other pornographic film but boring and with annoying accents.

Sexting – From one extreme to the other. Two Emirates airlines cabin crew have been ordered jailed for three months in Dubai over sexually explicit text messages, the latest in a string of indecency cases against foreigners, a newspaper reported Wednesday. The pair, an Indian flight attendant and her cabin services supervisor, were convicted of "coercion to commit sin" over the messages and initially sentenced to six months in jail, The National newspaper said on its website, citing court documents. The sentence was reduced on appeal last week to three months and deportation orders against the pair were lifted. It did not reveal the content of the messages (which is mildly disappointing). Dubai's foreign population has expanded rapidly in recent years as expatriates flocked to the Gulf Arab trade and tourism hub for its tax-free earnings and year-round sunshine (and ugh…JOBS!!!). The changes have challenged the Emirati population, which is now vastly outnumbered by foreigners, raising concern that their emirate's rapid pace of growth is a threat to their social and religious identity in what remains a deeply conservative region (obviously). An Emirates spokeswoman declined to comment on the case as it was still ongoing. The paper said the case emerged after the flight attendant's husband filed a lawsuit against his wife a year ago accusing her of being in an illicit relationship with her supervisor. It said the couple had been embroiled in a divorce battle since 2007. The case is the latest decency case against foreigners accused of not respecting local mores. In a separate case, a British pair caught kissing in public in Dubai is appealing a month-long jail sentence handed down after an Emirati mother complained her child had seen their indiscretion (GASP!!! That poor child…forever traumatized). The pair, a British man living in Dubai and a female friend, were arrested in November on accusations of kissing and touching each other intimately in public and consuming alcohol, their lawyer said. They were ordered jailed for a month. In a high-profile case in 2008, a British couple narrowly escaped jail after a court found them guilty of engaging in drunken sexual activity out of wedlock, and for doing so in public on a beach in the emirate (nice). They were sentenced to three months in prison followed by deportation, but had their jail terms overturned on appeal. In a separate case this year, a British couple who shared a hotel room managed to escape trial in Dubai for having sex out of wedlock by producing a marriage certificate. Yeah, apparently it’s that crazy there. And the funny thing is…I would think that Dubai would make for a wonderful romantic getaway for jetsetters…but alas, if you’re going to have sex (or just make out) with a woman, you’d better be married to her. I guess that’s why some of those sheikhs have a bunch of wives. “Yeah, that’s my wife…ugh, she’s…I can’t even remember her name. I wanted to fool around with her at a party in college so we headed down the street, got married, made out for a few minutes, then I vomited, which broke the mood and then… yeah, she’s just been here ever since.” I guess just…watch your public displays of affection when in a Middle Eastern country.

Funny Bunny Mistake – I wonder what would happen if that Emirati mother who complained about her child seeing two people kissing was a part of this. Young viewers of children's television programs in North Carolina got a glimpse of something far more risqué than their favorite cartoons, when a cable glitch broadcast two hours of the Playboy channel (what they call “glitch”, we as kids called “jackpot”). "Due to a technical malfunction, some adult programs had been diverted on children's networks," Time Warner Cable vice president of public relations Alex Dudley told AFP on Wednesday. "We sincerely apologize." The equipment failure, which took place between 6:15 and 8:15 am on Tuesday, beamed previews of adult shows with scantily clad women striking suggestive poses and talking dirty into a portion of the Kids on Demand and Preschool on Demand channels, local media reported. The cable operator reportedly learned of the glitch when worried parents alerted them to the problem…around 8:20 am. “Hey, where did it go? I was finally enjoying quality time & learning the A-B-C’s with my son when…it just…disappeared.” By the way, glitch my ass. Somebody got laid off & got back at the cable company. Regardless, it’s kinda funny…and I’ll bet those kids will never look at Bugs Bunny quite the same.

Rude Awakening – I’m always suggesting that we stay warm with somebody we care about during these cold winter months…but please, be mindful of where you go. Police said a man broke into a Pittsburgh home and climbed into bed with its owner, apparently because he was drunk and cold following a rap concert. Homeowner Frank Fontana says he was in bed when the man climbed in about 5:30 Wednesday morning. Fontana says he asked whether it was a woman who has keys to his home…and he grabbed a baseball bat when a deep male voice answered, "No, it's not." Police said Fontana kept the man at bay until police arrived but didn't hit him with the bat. Police say the intruder told them he was looking for shelter after a Tuesday night concert by rapper Jay-Z at the Mellon Arena (is he on tour? Apparently he’s in San Jose on Wednesday). The 33-year-old man faces a preliminary hearing on charges of criminal mischief and criminal trespass. Yeah, it’s like something out of a bad comedy. “Mmm, hey there Shellie. Came back for seconds, huh? I’ve got a little time before work. Oooh, your hands are frozen. Here, let me help warm those up for you. Ugh…baby? Did you bring a flashlight? Is that you Shellie?” “No, it’s not.” “AAGGH!!! What the…who the f**k are you?” “Look man, I’m sorry. I just got back from the Jigga concert, I’m a little tipsy, it’s f**king freezing outside…” “Where the f**k are your clothes?” “Look, I can explain that…but would you mind if I just got under the covers while I do that?” “Stay right there, I’m calling the cops.” “Look, we don’t need to be doing this. If you’d prefer, I can just borrow a blanket and take a nap on the couch or something to warm up. You can go back to…” “Yes, hello. Police? My name is Frank and…there’s a naked man in my house. No, I’m not gay!!! Look, he just came in, took his clothes off, slipped under the covers and…he may touched my penis. I don’t know if that counts as assault or attempted rape or what. No, I’m not drunk…but I think he is. Look, just send somebody out here to get him out of here.” “Fine, I’ll just wait right here until they come…but I’m gonna need to borrow a blanket or something if you don’t mind, I’m still very chilly.” “Put that blanket down. That’s my blanket. You can have this.” “Man, this is an Afghan…and it’s like two feet long. This wouldn’t warm one of your dolls, ya creepy ass grandma’s boy.” I’m telling ya, I swear I’ve seen this movie before.

Is This Sexist? – You know me, whenever something could be considered racist, sexist, sadist, bassist, or any other –ist, I like to bring it to your attention. Who are better drivers – men or women? I guessing you answered with…whatever you are. It very well may be true. I’ve witnessed horrible drivers of both sexes. Well, here’s a story. A New Zealand man is recovering from injuries after being run over by his wife -- twice, local media reported on Friday. Now, wait for the full story before you decide. Sandy Telford ran over her husband, Terry, as she backed down the driveway of their rural property in the Hawke's Bay region, 350 kilometers (220 miles) north-east of Wellington, the Dominion Post newspaper reported. Not realizing what she had done, Sandy then drove her car forward, running over him again. Police said the woman was distraught and too upset to speak to them (understandably, that is really sad). "We are treating it as an accident," a police spokesman told the newspaper. Ambulance authorities said the husband suffered moderate head, chest and back injuries, but was "conscious and talking" after the incident. Okay, now you can decide. Rural property, backed over husband, pulled forward over husband again. Any better stories out there? I’m just glad that Mr. Telford is okay…and hopefully Sandy is too. I know it can be very depressing to accidentally hurt somebody…especially if you love that person. May you both recover swiftly.

Hottest Researcher – Okay, so I think I’ve used the word “sex” in dozens of forms and baker’s dozens of times throughout this entry…and now I’m going to nerd it up a bit…with the results of the Hottest Researcher Awards. Oh yeah, brainy busty biologists & chiseled, down-and-dirty paleontologists with sexy accents & the like. So who’s the winner this year? Rudolf Jaenisch, whose stem cell lab at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has consistently broken new barriers in the field, is the world's "hottest" researcher, according to a survey by Thomson Reuters. Wait, what? The annual hot list from Thomson Reuters' Science Watch also names four genome experts at MIT and Harvard University's Broad Institute - Mark Daly, David Altshuler, and Paul I.W. de Bakker and Eric Lander. Biostatistician Goncalo Abecasis of the University of Michigan, who has worked with the Broad team, also makes the top 12 list, as do Manchester University materials professors Andre Geim and Konstantin Novoselov, who discovered graphene, the two-dimensional form of carbon and who also worked on a new adhesive known commonly as gecko tape. Shizuo Akira of Osaka University, named by Thomson Reuters as the hottest researcher in 2005 and 2006, is on the list for work on toll-like receptors - which are molecular doorways on immune cells. Maybe I misunderstood the list…because this is a sausage fest…and they’re not particularly handsome. Carlo Croce from Ohio State University makes the list for papers on cancer genetics, theoretical physicist Mikhail Katsnelson from Radboud University in Nijmegen, Netherlands, is on the list for work on condensed matter and computer scientist Ji-Huan He from Donghua University in Shanghai, China is there for work figuring out how to break down complex problems. Okay, what the f**k is going on here? "Our annual roundup of researchers who have authored multiple Hot Papers allows us to recognize those who are leading scientific thought," said Christopher King, editor of Science Watch. Oh…so it’s not…like the Sexiest Researchers? Sigh… of course not. Anyway, Jaenisch, who works with embryonic stem cells and the new cells made out of skin cells called induced pluripotent stem cells or iPS cells, had 14 of the most cited papers…and apparently this puts him in great contention for a Nobel Prize as most of the scientists on this list eventually get nominated. I was wondering why Kari Byron wasn’t on this list. She gets my vote for Hottest Researcher…and I still think “Nutbusters” would be a top-rated cable show with us paired together. Giggidy.

Okay, that’ll do it for today. I hope that you all had a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day yesterday…and yes, the corned beef was delicious…and I’ll probably be eating it for the next week. I’m turning into a pretty good cook if I say so myself. Also, a happy birthday to Leeshy, Homer & Lady M. They probably don't read this blog...but hey, if you do & you know them, tell them I said happy birthday in cyber space for them. Have a great day everybody!!!

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