Friday, March 26, 2010

Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Did you see the games last night? Holy crap!!! That’s double overtime game with Kansas State & Xavier? Classic. Even the other games were pretty good. As for my brackets, I think as long as Kentucky ends up winning it all…and Baylor wins tonight (I had them “upsetting” Villanova instead of St. Mary’s today) that I might be set as far as winning this office pool. Then again, I have no idea what anybody else picked…but I assume very few people had champions other than Kansas or Kentucky. Maybe Duke…but I doubt it. Anyway, other than that, just having a grand ole time. It snowed a little bit the past few days…but only enough to have early morning ice on the roads. It cleared up once the sun came out. Getting really excited for Road Trip 2010…and in fact, I think this weekend is when I’ll start preparations like giving Gretchen an oil change, rotating the tires, all that stuff…and make sure I’m fully prepared (laundry, cleaning house, tie up loose ends, pay bills, etc). Then again, it’s supposed to be a beautiful weekend again…so who knows? Maybe Yosemite will call my name or something. Okay, I doubt that…but hey, you never know. Oh…and I’d also like to wish a happy birthday to my stepdad Lavar & my buddy Brooklyn…and a happy 2nd anniversary to Bubbles. Can’t believe it’s been two years since you moved down to Vegas already. Miss ya tons.

Today would’ve also been the 3rd wedding anniversary of my brother & his now crack whore ex-wife (the ex part is the only thing that’s really changed honestly). I’m sure I’ll be calling him tonight and trying to ease his spirits…while he drinks another fifth of Tequila Rose…and chases that with what’s left of his vodka…and probably a few beers after that. It’s what happened last year…but hopefully he has company again this time too. He’s a great guy… and a wonderful father… but we all make mistakes… and Love… Love is a mother f**ker… but I hope that you all get to experience it on a regular basis. Just remember, the bad helps you to appreciate the good. So yeah, here’s some news…

JACKPOT!!! - People fell onto a bag of cash like a pack of hungry piranhas after more than $100,000 tumbled out the back of an armored truck onto an Ohio street, local media reported. The bag split open after it fell off the back of the vehicle Wednesday and the driver drove away without noticing. But a whole bunch of people spotted the cash blowing down the street in Whitehall, a Columbus suburb, and a mad dash for cash ensued. "People were jumping out of their vehicles," one witness told NBC4 news. "Like when you throw some fish in and you've got a school of piranhas and they haven't eaten for a long time. It was funny." Another witness described a surreal atmosphere with people laughing, smiling and taking as much as they could carry. Workers at a nearby flower shop helped police gather up the money in boxes. Several people ended up bringing some of the cash into the police station…but only about $10,500 had been recovered by the end of the day, the Columbus Dispatch reported. Yeah, I was surprised the number was that high too. "We're hoping that more people do the right thing," Whitehall Police Sergeant Randy Snider told the paper. Police are examining surveillance camera video and photographs from cell phone cameras to try to track down the people who grabbed the money. Really? You can’t just say “Bank error in your favor, collect $500” and let it be? Would you take the money? Of course you would. Who wouldn’t? In fact, just to cover my tracks (since I’m easily identifiable in a lineup), I’d return some of it. “Here you go officer. I wasn’t sure where to return this to, you guys or the armored truck company?” “Sir, we have video of a man fitting your description loading up your trunk with three boxes of hundred dollar bills…and a several bouquet of roses & lilies from the flower shop…and you bring back (counts) a thousand dollars?” “Funny, I see a man fitting your description who might get a few hundred for himself if he keeps his f**king mouth shut. P.S. If that’s what I was allegedly doing, I was performing a public service and picking up litter. Roll wit dat!!!”

Utah Crime Update – Remember yesterday? With the kid robbing the convenience store…but didn’t want his mom to find out? Well, here’s another funny story from the Beehive State. Utah police say a man accused of stealing two phones from a convenience store (again, probably 7-11) was arrested when he flagged down the investigating officer and asked for directions. Police say the officer noticed that John White (most fitting name for a Utah resident EVER) matched the description a store clerk gave of the thief (“blonde, blue eyes, kinda douchy” could be anybody in Utah), and the address White wanted turned out to be the same one the officer was checking. How? The address had been left on a slip of paper the thief left at the gas station. White was arrested Tuesday after the officer found he had both phones, along with a small amount of marijuana. Police say charges are pending. Sigh… maybe he wants to go to jail. I wonder what the address was. His friend’s house? Somebody who wanted to buy a cell phone (that could be traced anyway)? HIS HOUSE? “Excuse me officer, I seem to be lost. Can you tell me how to get to 158 W Juniper Street?” “Better yet, I’ll give you a ride. Hop on in the back.” I wonder if he robbed the store in that bright yellow shirt too. Come on people, think before you get high and rob a place. Some people just need an education.

Odd Book Titles - A book charting the frontier between handicrafts and geometry on Friday won Britain's quirkiest literary award, the Diagram Prize for year's oddest book title. "Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes" by mathematician Daina Taimina beat runners-up "What Kind of Bean is This Chihuahua?" and "Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich." Prize overseer Horace Bent (tehehe, Ho Bent?) said "the public proclivity towards non-Euclidian needlework" proved too strong for the competition. "I've never won any prizes before. This is my first prize and it's wonderful," said Taimina, an adjunct associate professor at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York (GO BIG RED!!!). The winning book's title may be odd, but the subject is serious. Taimina uses crochet to create hyperbolic planes, surfaces on which lines curve away from each other instead of running parallel, as on a flat plane, or converging, as on a sphere. Her creations, which resemble complex coral formations, have been included in art shows and hailed by academics for making tactile concepts in geometry that can be hard to visualize. "These are two-dimensional objects which you can see only in three dimensions. If you want to see three-dimensional hyperbolic space you can't because you have to be in four dimensions. Understanding these hyperbolic planes, you understand just the first step." Holy crap that concept just got me at half-staff. I love it when people talk nerdy to me. Anyway, founded in 1978, the Diagram Prize is run by trade magazine The Bookseller. Its rules say the books must be serious and their titles not merely a gimmick (ugh…okay?). The winner is decided by public vote. The other finalists were "Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter," "Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots" and "The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease." Previous champions include "Bombproof Your Horse" and "Living With Crazy Buttocks." How are those not gimmicky titles? Bombproof Your Horse? I assume that’s even a typo…and it’s about fortifying your house. Living with Crazy Buttocks? I’ve seen people with MAD ASS, like for days…but crazy buttocks? “Help, my ass has gone crazy.” I think I saw Oprah’s do that on a South Park episode. Anyway, congratulations to this year’s winner & honorable mentions. I’m sorry I will probably never read and/or see a copy of your book. They sound amazing.

Return of the Ghost of Orson Welles - A recently discovered recording of the late Orson Welles narrating a children's Christmas novel will be employed in the 3D live-action/CG hybrid movie "Christmas Tails" says Indie Movies Online. Robert X. Leed penned the book back in the early 80's and got his friend, Welles, to make five reel-to-reel recordings narrating the book in 1985. Several months later Welles passed away and the recording has essentially been sitting on a shelf. Now, special effects studio Drac Studios ("Curious Case of Benjamin Button") will develop an adaptation of the story in which ill reindeer makes Santa consider cancelling Christmas, and the group of canines who team to help save the day. Todd Tucker will direct from a script by Matt Thompson. So there you go, the great filmmaker Orson Welles is making Christmas movies from beyond the grave. Awesome, right? Finally, the last image of him won’t be voicing Unicron in “Transformers: The Movie” or being reincarnated as a mouse bent on world domination (Brain of “Pinky & the Brain” masterfully voiced by Maurice LaMarche). So yeah, I still probably won’t see it…but hey, you’d be amazed at what you can find when you go through all your old junk on the shelves. Some find old baseball cards, some find pictures they drew as children, some stumble upon dirty videos of their parents, and some find narrations by cinematic legends. You never know unless you look.

Well, I guess I really don’t have much else to say today. Can’t really think of any good movie list or little points of insight or anything like that. Sure, I could post some pictures of some really hot chicks…but without the proper context, what’s the point? Oh yeah, to see some pictures of some really hot chicks. Hmm, well anyway, here's a link to something that I think you'll find absolutely hilarious. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

To wet your appetite...

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